Beverly Hills, 90210 (1990–2000): Season 8, Episode 13 - Comic Relief - full transcript

You like it?

Like it? I love it. This
is a great column.

Is Emma this funny
and bright in person?

Ah, typical writer, more funny
on the page than in person.

Well, I think it's great. I
hope she does some more.

I think her column would
add a lot to the paper.

See, aren't you glad I brought
the two of you together?

Yeah. It's great.

I know, I know.
It feels like a lot.

Your mom moving to
Arizona for two months and all,

but you'll handle it. Look.



If things get a little crazy,
you still got me, right?

That's sweet of you to say,
but you know I still haven't

figured out why you
don't just find someone

without all these
responsibilities in the way.

You know, someone
you can just pick up

and go to the beach with.

Your responsibilities
are not in the way.

I hardly notice them.

Besides, I'm getting
sick of the beach.

Hold on a second.

Oh, yes, yes, yes!

Oh, not this again.

Who do you think she
has in there with her?

Oh, David!



David.

Are you going to
help me out or not?

Val, come on...

Last night. This morning.

They're never going to buy this.

This is ridiculous. Have
you lost your mind?

Oh, yes they will, okay?

Just we... we need
people talking, all right?

Do you want Donna back or not?

Okay. Okay. Come on.

Okay.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes! Yes, yes!

David. Who knew?

Well, not Donna.

I didn't think he had it in him.

Somehow, I knew Valerie did.

Would I like her?

Who? Emma.

I feel like I know
her from her column.

What does she look like?

She looks like, um...

a girl, you know? Just
looks like a normal girl.

Oh, a normal girl.
That's a vivid picture.

Men never pay
attention to anything.

She's a good writer.
That's all I care about.

She is a great writer.

You know, Brandon, I
would really love to meet her.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You can't see it coming ♪

♪ Until it's too late ♪

♪ You're struck down
by the hand of fate ♪

♪ You don't see the
difference with or without ♪

♪ And when you do,
it's always too late ♪

♪ Ooh, it's all sunshine ♪

♪ Or it's all rain ♪

♪ Ooh, it's all sunshine ♪

♪ Or it's all rain... ♪

Oh, there he is!

Are you walking bow legged?

It wasn't like it sounded.

No, of course not.

If it was, you'd be dead.

That's very funny stuff, Steve.

You should perform at the
After Dark on comedy night.

I'll put in a good
word with Val.

Mmm. I'm sure you will.

Hey, you know,
David, I never got

a security deposit from Val,

so no structural damage
to my house, okay?

Okay, you know what? I-I
can't deal with this right now.

I'm starting my
new career today.

Hmm?

Okay, it's a car wash,
but it's a job, right?

That it is.

Waxing. J-O-B.

Waxing. Wax on.

So unsupportive in this house.

I'll get it.

Hey, Donna.

Hey. I need your help.

What?

Okay. This afternoon I have

probably the most important
photo shoot of my career.

Everything is set.

The photographer... Annika Ward.

Ooh, you're working with
Annika Ward? That's awesome.

Yeah, except my model called
this morning. She has mono.

Oh, I'm sorry. Is there
anything I can do?

Well, there is one thing.

What? Be my model.

Donna, I haven't modeled
for years. There's no way I...

Yes, you could.

You'd be great. Please, I've
worked with so many models

and you put them all to shame.

So, what you're saying is, you
can't find anybody else, right?

And you're desperate?

Totally desperate. Mm-hmm.

Well, I do have to
go in to work today,

but I could ask for
the afternoon off.

Oh, that would be so great.

Okay, I just need
your portfolio.

I just have to
show it to Annika.

All right, I will go upstairs

and try to dig out my book.

Thank you. Thank you.

Hey.

Ah. You're alive.

I was wondering,

since you didn't come back
to the apartment last night.

Well, we don't owe each
other any explanations anymore.

You made that very clear.

I'm sorry. I should have called.

No, I was just worried when
you didn't come home last night.

Well, you don't have to
worry about him, Donna.

Actually, uh, David did
come home last night.

Fine, it's all my fault.

Oh, look, rationalize
it any way you want.

Look, I am not going
through this again.

It is over.

I have to get back to work.

I'm sorry to interrupt,

but we're really getting
backed up out there.

No, no, I'm sorry. I'm the one
who should apologize. I just...

My wife...

Um...

I'll be with you
in just a minute.

Okay.

Um...

Dr. Monahan, I was
hoping that I could

take this afternoon off.

We haven't been
getting along for...

for years.

At this point, the only
option really is separation.

Unfortunately, my wife
doesn't see it that way.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I'm afraid our relationship
just isn't what it used to be.

It's lost its magic.

Used to be, we were, uh...

this close.

The patients? Now all we've got

is this distance... this
horrible, horrible distance.

Something I hope you never
have to experience, Kelly.

Well...

Let's, um, let's get to
those patients, shall we?

Hey, how you doing?

I'm David Silver. I'm
supposed to be starting today.

Uh-huh.

And what exactly am I supposed
to do with that information?

Well, I was just...

I'd punch in if I were you.

But that's just me.

Time clock's inside.

In here?

Is this the locker room?

If you want to call it that.

Hey, that's mine.

Oh, sorry. I, uh... I'm
looking for the time clock.

Thanks.

So, you work here, huh?

Yeah, yeah, first day.

Bad move.

Yeah. I know, but it's a job.

I'm David.

Ben.

How you doing,
man? Nice to meet you.

I could never
handle waiting tables.

My last job lasted ten minutes.

Everything was great
until I asked this lady

if she wanted fruit or
flies with her burger.

That's my set.

Fruit or fries, fruit
or flies? You get it?

I get it.

Next.

Okay, should I just start?

Who's out here from L.A.?

I mean...

who's from L.A. out here?

Nobody?

Can I start again?

Anybody here from L.A.?

Hey, Noah.

Valerie been around yet today?

She should be. Why?

Well, I just wanted to
make sure she's all right

after last night.

Last night? Why wouldn't she be?

Well, I guess you didn't hear.

Well, David and
Valerie kind of crashed...

into each other.

I'll pass along
your concern, okay?

Well, that might not
be for a few days.

She's probably still
with the paramedics.

Funny man. Yeah.

You can tell a lot about
a person from the kind

of pet they have.

Dogs are like...

"No problem by me."

But cats, cats are...

They're like...

Cats are...

They just, like, lie there.

I'm serious.

I'm funnier than that.

Road kill is funnier than that.

Mudslides and the fires.

You could do better?

Heck, yeah.

I was the funniest
guy in my fraternity.

I'm curious, how
does one decide that?

Over a lot of beer.

How else? Right.

Why don't you audition
for comedy night?

I think I just might do that.

Dust off some of my killer
one-liners and have at it.

Just dust 'em off in a hurry.

This is killing me.

I'm serious.

I think this article's going to
strike a cord with our readers.

Just the readers?

You know what I'd like?

I'd like you to write
another article for us.

In fact, I'd like you
to write a series

of articles for us.

A series of them, huh?

Well, I don't know.

I'm really busy.

But I'm open to persuasion.

Based on your
phone call last night,

I'd say you're open to
a little more than that.

I am.

The question is: Are you?

About your articles...
The ones you're going

to persuade me
to write over lunch?

Lunch?

Well, I have to drop
off a freelance piece

at Buzz magazine,
shouldn't take very long.

Shall we say half hour,
The Natural Gourmet?

Sounds good.

I'm feeling persuaded already.

Hi.

Hey, uh,

Emma Bennett
this is Kelly Taylor.

Oh, hi. Hi. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Brandon showed me
your column, I loved it.

Thanks. I'm glad you're
writing for the paper.

I hope you do more.

Well, I'm in the
process of being

convinced to do just that.

Oh, you have to.

Well, we'll see.

I'm late. It was very
nice to meet you.

And I'll see you later.

Bye. Talk to you later.

She seems so nice.

Yeah, yeah, she's okay.

I, um, I have some time

before I have to go do
that thing with Donna

and I was thinking
it would be nice

if we had lunch.

I'd love to, Kel.

I would, but, uh,

today is a nightmare.

I'm gonna end up
eating here at my desk

if I even get to eat at all.

How about tomorrow?

Okay, tomorrow.

Bye.

Thank you for coming
through for me on this one.

I should be thanking you.

I haven't felt that
glamorous lately.

To be honest with you,

I haven't really
felt that desirable

so I think that this is
going to be a good thing.

How are you?

How did things go
after this morning?

What, seeing Val
and David together?

Well, about a zillion things
went through my mind.

And I thought I acted all
adult and mature and cool,

but deep down, I just
wanted to strangle them both.

What about Noah,
have you talked to him?

No, but my guess is
he feels the same way.

Whatever, right?

Anyway, um, this is
your dressing room,

and there's a fridge and a phone

and someone from make-up
will come and get you

and I'm gonna run to
wardrobe, are you okay?

Yeah.

Thanks again, Donna.

Thank you.

The Beat.

Hi, Terri. It's Kelly.
Is Brandon there?

No, he's not back
from lunch yet.

He went to lunch?

I thought he had
a lot of work to do.

I'm sure.

One of the perks of being
boss is that he just can

dump it on me.

Okay, bye.

You'll have complete freedom,

not a single word of
yours will be touched.

But if I need a sounding
board you're available, right?

Absolutely.

Day or night?

I tend to get a little
inspired after hours.

Why do I get the feeling that
every conversation we have

is about something
neither of us is saying?

Try something you aren't saying.

I say what's on my mind.

My mind's on business.

Is that right?

85 percent.

75 percent?

Would you believe 50/50?

You're cute.

You know what?

Something tells me you
might be able to convince me.

Seriously?

Well,

having said that, the
business half of this lunch

is now officially over.

I would like to get on
with the other 50 percent.

Are you free the
rest of the afternoon?

Hey, stop that, Dougie,
that's sexual harassment.

You're right.

I'm sorry, Ben.

How about later I
make it up to you?

Take you shopping
for a new dress.

Why don't you shut your mouth.

Ooh! Ooh!

Boy, it didn't take you two
boys very long to bond, huh?

I guess you got
quite a bit in common.

You queer, too, Davey?

Burger and fries on eleven,
chili dog no onions on nine.

Come on, it'll only
take ten minutes

and it's right next door, Carly.

Steve, no way, we're swamped.

But I want you to
see my audition.

Critique it, tell me if I'm
funny or not. It's funny.

You haven't even heard my act.

Well, if it's half as funny
as you asking me to leave

Nat during the lunch rush,

you'll have them
rolling in the aisles.

Well, at least you
can wish me luck.

You don't need luck,
not when you got talent.

So, uh, my girlfriend, you know,
she says that I'm selfish right,

and I say, "No, I'm not,
like, what do you mean?"

I said, "Didn't I buy
ribbed condoms?"

And she says, uh, "Yeah,
but you wore them inside out."

Okay, uh... I don't know.

Can you believe this?
You think that was bad,

you should've been
here this morning.

But I understand
you needed your rest.

What's that supposed to mean?

I heard you and David
had quite a night last night.

I can't believe what idle
gossips people can be.

Oh, like you didn't
sleep with him.

As if that's any
of your business.

Let's just say I go for the
struggling car wash type.

He was with Donna for so long,

David needed to burn
off a little energy, that's all.

All I know that is if my
girlfriend was a car...

Well, all I know
that if, if, if, if, if.

All I know is I spend about

$16 thousand
worth of accessories

and about eight
dollars worth of car.

Thanks. Uh, we'll let you know.

Oh, all right.

You're up, buddy.

Well, here goes.

Good luck.

How's everybody
doing tonight, good?

Great...

So, uh, I'm taking these
self-defense classes

and after about 10
weeks, 50 bucks a pop,

the instructor says to me,
"Oh, Steve, by the way,

use this only if
you get attacked."

Yeah, right.

Like you go to medical school

just in case there's
an emergency, huh?

Hell, no!

I'm gonna use what I know,
I'm gonna kick some butt!

I said "No tomato on my burger."

I don't think he'll be
making that mistake again.

It's like my grandma.

She made me these
oatmeal cookies.

I must've told Grandma
a hundred times.

"Grandma, I don't
like oatmeal cookies."

I don't think Granny's
gonna be making

that mistake again,
right, Granny?

Hey, they're almost
ready for you.

I just tried the paper
again. He's still not there.

I'm sure he's fine.

At work, he seemed distant.

Now he's not where
he said he would be.

It's not his well-being
I'm worried about.

Kel, you're not thinking...

I don't know.

It just seems like
he's hiding something.

Hiding something or
are you talking about

hiding someone?

Am I crazy?

You look absolutely stunning.

You two are completely in love,

it makes no sense.

I hope you're right.

I'm sure wherever Brandon is,

he has a perfectly
good explanation, okay?

Now, go have some fun with this.

Okay.

I had a really great time.

So did I.

Shopping on Melrose,

Botanical Gardens in Pasadena,

sunset on the beach.

All of which were your idea.

Yeah, but I didn't exactly
have to twist your arm.

No.

So, would you say that our
business to pleasure ratio

is still 50/50?

Maybe 70/30.

Business?

Or pleasure?

Sometimes business
can be a pleasure.

Do you wanna come in?

I do, but I'm not going to.

Not tonight, anyway.

What is this?

Belgian waffles, your favorite.

Wow, what's the occasion?

No occasion,
I just felt like it.

I tried to stay up and
wait up for you last night,

but I was tired... I went
to bed around 1:00.

What time did you
finally get home?

Uh, 2:30, something like that.

2:30? Well, you
deserve breakfast in bed.

I hope that means it went well.

Yeah. Yeah, it was great.

Except for all the calls I
made trying to find you.

For someone so swamped at work,

you sure left the office early.

Yeah, well, right after you
left, I got a lead on a story.

I was chasing it down all day.

Mm.

Come on, eat
before it gets cold.

What was the story about?

What?

What was the story about?

Oh, it was about a...
civil court judge downtown

who's allegedly
involved in some cult.

Why?

I just...

I couldn't get
ahold of you, and...

I don't want to doubt
you Brandon... I'm sorry.

I just...

had this weird feeling.

It's okay.

What do you say we get
things back on track, huh?

We'll go see Steve's comedy
thing tonight at the After Dark,

and then after
that we'll go out.

What do you say?

That sounds good.

Hey, man, I want you to know,

I really appreciate what
you did for me yesterday,

but there's no sense
in getting involved, man.

It's been going on a
while, and it's really not

that big of a deal.

Has anyone ever said anything?

Like... the owner?

What, Vince?

Yeah, Vince is too busy dropping acid
and chasing spaceships in the desert.

No. You don't have

to worry about those guys,
really, they're not a problem.

I don't know, man, you shouldn't
have to deal with that crap.

I know, but...

those guys aren't the problem.

It's my parents...

They're the ones
I can't live with.

Or actually, they won't
let me live with them.

Don't worry about it,
man, they'll come around.

My dad kicked me out, man.

He said I've destroyed his life.

I've destroyed his life,

and I'm the one living in the
car wash for the past month.

What about your
mom? Didn't she...

She didn't do anything.

She just stood there.

Look...

I can deal with being gay.

I just... can't deal with
my family not accepting me

for who I am.

What have we got here?

Oh, those are just
some pictures from

a shoot I did. Do you mind?

Actually... Come on, you
wouldn't have brought them to work

it you didn't want
someone to see.

Well, they were in my purse.

Hold it, hold it, just a few
more. I would like them back.

Well, now, that's an
expression I've never seen

on your face before. I
said I would like them back.

Relax, Kelly... I always knew
there was another side to you.

Too bad you're
wasting all that beauty

on a younger, less
experienced man.

Mr. Evans?

Well, looks like my little idea

for theme nights is
gonna work out pretty well.

Your idea?

All right, Noah, who
cares... it's our idea.

This is great... I
mean, look at the place.

We did it!

Yeah, Val, we're
a great team, huh?

Hmm. Oh!

Hey. Mm!

It didn't just go well... Annika wants
you to work on her campaign full-time.

She did not.

She did.

Wow, that would be
a great opportunity.

But I'm really gonna have to
give it some thought, you know?

What'd you tell her?

Donna?

Oh.

Sorry. I just wish I knew what
he was thinking, you know?

Donna, the guy
is crazy about you.

I mean, he bought
a $300,000 boat

just to prove himself
to your mother.

They were selling it, and
he needed a place to live.

I'm sorry, you should have
seen the look on her face.

Go talk to him.

Okay.

Tonight's going great...
I'm so proud of you.

It's not bad, huh?

What do you think those two
are trying to prove over there, huh?

I don't know.

It bothers you, doesn't it?

Seeing her with someone else?

Does it bother you seeing
him with someone else?

It's not good to answer
that question with a question.

It seems to me like

I'm not the only one
avoiding an answer here.

Here you go, my lady.

Thanks.

What's up?

Dr. Monahan's been making
these comments again.

Last you mentioned it,
you said you'd overreacted.

I thought I had, but...
lately it's gotten worse.

Sexual?

Yeah.

How much worse?

Mm, it's nothing terrible.

It's just I don't know how
to deal with it, you know?

You got to call him on it, Kel.

You think I should report him?

No, I think you should call
him on his behavior first,

and then if it continues,
then, yeah, I think

you should file a grievance.

I can't believe this guy.

You know what, let's not
let it ruin our night, okay?

It's not worth it.

You'll talk to him?

Yes. I promise,
first thing tomorrow.

Okay.

Hey, I'm sorry, I don't mean to
break up the party or anything,

but don't you think we should
go over our introductions? Yeah.

I'll be back in one
minute, okay? Okay.

Donna, don't
worry, he'll be back.

I know it kills you when
he's gone for even a minute.

I never should've let you
back in the beach apartment.

I'm sorry, am I cramping
your style with Noah?

No. Actually, you have
no effect whatsoever

on my relationship with Noah.

Trust me on that one, David.

You know what, as long as
you're back in Valerie's bed,

maybe you should go live there.

No problem. Fine.

Ooh, hey...

Watch out. Hey, hey!

There they are, right on time!

What do you say, Zach?

Hi, Nat. Hi. Thanks, Nat.

You're an absolute lifesaver.

Okay, so, um, I won't be long...

15 minutes, half hour, tops?

No problem... we're
open till midnight,

and, you know, they're not
exactly breaking the doors down.

Best behavior for Nat, right?

Right. Okay.

One for the mom.

Thank you.

Hey, Steve, Steve, my man,

you got to relax,
you got to relax.

You're gonna be great. No, I
feel like I'm gonna throw up.

Nah. Listen, can I ask
your opinion on something?

Yeah, you bet, you bet...
I'm here for you, man.

I am here for you.
You are why I'm here.

Good, good,
because, quite frankly,

I've got these jokes...

I got to go.

What? What?

Oh, great.

Emma, what are you
doing here? Surprised?

Steve asked me the other
day when I was at the paper.

Mm.

I'll be right back, okay?

"Emma, this is
Kelly, my girlfriend."

You must have overlooked
that one minor detail, huh?

Hey, Emma. Hi.

They're about to
start... Steve's up first.

Emma, we have a great table
over there, if you wanna join us.

I'd love to. Great.

Could I have your
attention, please?

Welcome to the After
Dark's Comedy Night.

Thank you all for
coming tonight.

Are you guys in
the mood to laugh?

Yeah!

So, uh, let's get the
show on the road.

Please have a huge warm
welcome for Steve Sanders!

Break a leg.

All right! All righty!

How you doing? How's
everybody tonight, good?

Yeah!

That's great.

You know, I'm taking
these self-defense classes.

And after about ten
weeks at 50 bucks a pop,

the instructor says to
me, "Steve, by the way,

you only use this in
case you're attacked."

Yeah, right, you only go

to medical school just in case
there's an emergency, huh?

Uh-uh, not me. I'm
gonna go out there

and I am gonna kick some butt.

It's, like,

I said no tomato
on my hamburger.

My grandma...

she made these oatmeal
cookies for me, and I...

and I told her, "Grandma, I
don't like oatmeal cookies."

Um...

did you ever notice that when
little kids get embarrassed

they always lift up whatever
they have over there head?

Like, little boys will
pick up their jackets,

and little girls will lift their
dresses way up over their head.

I don't think we ever should've
stopped this behavior as adults.

Say you're a chick looking

for a job, you go
into the interview,

just lift the dress
up over your head

and say, "I want this
job, I need this job."

Yeah!

It's just a theory.

May not be true.

But don't blame me if it works.

I was in New York City recently.

Man, the cops sure
are different there.

I mean, they don't care how
fast you drive in New York.

You could be doing
50 miles an hour

down 5th Avenue with a
beer between your legs,

the seat belt hanging
out the window,

running all these red lights.

The cops sees
that, he's gonna say,

"Bring me a doughnut on
your way back, would ya?"

It's much different
here in California.

I got stopped the other
day in Beverly Hills,

and I said, "Wh-What's
the problem, Officer?"

"Your right speaker's out."

Whoo!

Yes, can I help you?

Uh, Mrs. Wester?

Yes.

You don't know me.

My name is David. I
work with your son, Ben,

at the car wash.

Who is it honey?

Is something wrong?

Is Ben all right?

Well, um...

Who is this?

He works with Ben at a car wash.

Something's happened to Ben.

No, it's nothing like that.

He hasn't been in an
accident or anything.

What specifically
are you here for?

Well, um...

I came tell you
that Ben needs...

Benjamin needs

a great many things, I'm afraid.

Most of which you might be
better suited to help him with.

Hey, wait a sec. Wait.
Don't close the door.

Look, I only, I only met
Ben yesterday, all right?

I work with him,

but that was long enough

to realize that
he's in real trouble.

I mean, he has nowhere to go

and no one to turn to.

Your son is in pain.
He's in real pain.

I don't have a son.

Listen to this review.

"Sanders has a presence
and an innate talent

"for the one-liner
that you rarely see

in the comedic
talents of today." Rave.

Brandon, we can't print that.

Why not?

Because it's embarrassing.
It's too much, Brandon.

Besides this is our paper.

We can't be objective with that.

The guy's an independent
reviewer, Steve!

He doesn't work for us.

It's not right.

Trust me. I'm the editor.

And I'm the publisher.

We're not printing that.

Is there something going
on here you're not telling me?

No, nothing.

So it's true what they say
about really good comics.

What do they say about
really good comics?

They're extremely self-loathing.

Hey, guys.

Emma,

we're just, uh, dealing
with a little situation here.

20 minutes to press and
20 inches of blank space?

That's a little situation?

Brandon, what are we gonna run?

How about that?

What's this?

My column.

Terri, would you
give us a minute?

Sure.

After our
conversation last night,

I figured your days as a
columnist here were over.

Well, I can separate business
from pleasure. Can you?

What's it about?

Something I've been lucky enough

to have very little
experience with

till just recently:
two-timing men.

Hi.

Hi.

How are we today, Kelly?

Fine.

No, actually I'm not.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Anything I can do?

As a matter of fact, there is.

While I find your
work here admirable,

I have very little respect
for you as a person.

I will not stand for
anymore references,

however subtle, to my sexuality.

I know that you're
having problems at home,

but I don't think
that I'm the person

you should be sharing
these things with.

I find it very inappropriate,

and it makes me
very uncomfortable.

Are you accusing me
of sexual harassment?

I'm just telling you...

"Inappropriate"? What a joke.

Do you have a problem
working with men,

Miss Taylor?

Since you are so easily offended

by what is obviously
adult conversation,

I suggest you go get a
job at a nursery school

instead of a street clinic.

Richard, uh, Belzer?

Yeah.

The guy from that show Homicide?

Yeah, he's a comedian, too.

And I'm sure a very funny one.

But right now, we have
the house all to ourselves,

and your success to celebrate.

Which is why I think
you should listen

to this comedy CD again.

Again? I've never
heard it before.

Yeah, you did.

No.

No, I haven't.

Uh, yeah, you have.

I, uh, I did his act
on stage at the club.

You did his act?

Well, no, not at first.

Just, you know, the parts where
people actually were laughing.

You stole his jokes?

Stole?

No, I didn't steal.

I-I borrowed.

He can have his jokes back
whenever he wants them.

Look, imagine what
it was like for me.

I'm up on the stage
in the spotlight in front

of all these people,

and suddenly I realize that I
can't be funny on command.

The only thing in my
head is Belzer's act,

so I figure, "What the heck?"

I can't believe you did this.

Believe it.

You know, when

I-I was in college once,

I ripped off one of
Brandon's term papers.

Now that

was the mother of all screw-ups.

This is just a little one.

So you're kind of
slow to learn, I'd say.

The evidence speaks for itself.

I'm not just slow,

sometimes I'm downright dumb.

I'm so stupid I actually once
had a crush on Ellen DeGeneres.

I thought escort services

were for guys who needed dates.

Nobody's that dumb.

Oh, yeah, does this look like
the face of a member of Mensa?

I don't think.

You tell me the
check's in the mail,

and I'm checking
the mailbox every day.

Steve, look at me!

What?

Am I laughing?

Have you made me laugh?

Is this a trick question?

No.

Look, you don't need Belzer.

You really are
funny all by yourself.

You know, I'm just dumb
enough to believe that.

If we did this well
mid-week with comedy,

can you imagine what the
weekends are gonna do?

Easy boy. Any giddier
and people are gonna start

thinking that you're
a trust-fund baby

who's never made
a hard-earned dollar.

And you're not happy
that we're doing well?

I'm gonna take my ten
percent to the piggy bank.

So what are you gonna
do with your share?

Romantic vacation with Donna

or are you gonna
spend some quiet time

at the beach apartment now that

David's not there?

David moved out?

She kicked him out again.

Where's he gonna live?

My place.

There can't be many
rooms left over there.

Oh, I'll squeeze him in.

Speak of the devil.

Hey, Donna.

Hey. Sorry. Am I interrupting?

Oh, don't be silly. I'm late.

I promised David
I would help him

with him being in
transition and all.

You guys want to be
alone, I'm sure. Bye.

What is her deal?

I don't know, but
whatever it is, it's her deal.

So, I heard you asked
David to move out.

Val tell you that?

She might've mentioned it, yeah.

Why'd you do that?

Why'd I do that?

I thought you'd be
happy with the fact

that I'm no longer
living with my ex.

It's not that, it's
just, you know...

What? More
unhappy about the fact

that he's gonna be
living with your ex?

We went out a few times.
She's not my ex okay?

You still have
feelings for David.

You guys went out for
seven years. That's history.

Yeah, I do still care for David,

I probably always will.

But those feelings don't
stop me from moving

into another relationship.

Hey,

do you feel the same way?

I mean, I guess that's what

I was asking last night,
'cause I need to know.

Let me see if I can
answer that question.

I decided not to
take the modeling job.

This whole ordeal with Monahan
has really made me realize

that I don't ever want
to trade on my looks.

I'm proud of the way
you stood up to him, Kel.

Me, too. I don't think
it's gonna do any good,

but I'm glad I did it.

What's that?

It's a copy of Emma's column.

How did you get it?

Steve brought it home.

This one is even
better than the last.

You want to know
what I found interesting?

What?

Even after the girl

that Emma's writing
about found out

that the guy she fell
for had a girlfriend,

she still wanted to pursue him.

That makes her kind of a
home wrecker, don't you think?

I don't know.

Maybe she and this guy
really have something.

Something that he and
his girlfriend don't have,

and maybe they
shouldn't be together.

How do you suppose the
guy and his girlfriend know

if they actually have
something or not?

How do you know?

I don't know. I just know.

Well, there's your answer.

Hello?

I miss you.

Hello?

Kelly's there, isn't she?

Lying right next to you?

Hello?

Right where I want to be.

Crank?

Must've been.