Beverly Hills, 90210 (1990–2000): Season 5, Episode 24 - Unreal World - full transcript

Oh, Kelly, is, uh, Clare there?

Hey, Valerie, hold on a second.

Come in.

Ms. Malone?

Yeah, uh,

can you put that
on the bed, please?

And can you put it on my tab?

l'm sorry,

l was told your account
was topped off.

-You were told?
-By Mr. Brennan,

the hotel manager.



He also asked me
to give you this.

Hello?

Clare, um, can you hold on
just a second?

Yeah.

Will you tell Mr. Brennan
that l will speak to him later?

Uh, certainly.

Clare, listen, uh, good news,
the, uh, film company decided

to use the club tomorrow night
for the premiere party.

Valerie, l told you
l can't help.

l have to work on a project with
David for school all weekend.

Clare, thanks.

Okay.

Uh, l gotta go,
can you call me tonight?

Yeah.



Hey, where'd Kelly go?

Uh, she was late
for a dentist appointment.

Oh.

Well, thank you
for lunch,

but you didn't
have to make

such a big deal of
me moving back in.

Well, it was lonely here
without you.

Oh, not that you
can't still stay

-with Daddy and me.
-Mom, l've been

cooped up at home
for three weeks.

Look, l'm

not gonna let what happened
paralyze me anymore.

Okay, but you

promise me you'll
come home

if you don't
feel safe here.

Safe? How can l
not feel

safe?

New house alarm, a car alarm,
a license for mace...

l drew the line at the Doberman.

Hey, how's it going?

Better late than never.

l decided to stop
by and say hi.

That was sweet of you.

David, l've been meaning
to thank you

for everything you
did for Donna.

Ah...

lt almost makes me wish

you were still living here.

Anyway, um, my mom
has to go.

-You're...
-Oh.

-All right
-Bye.

-Mother.
-What?

What are you up to?

What? l'm not up
to anything.

With Ray out of the picture,
l don't know,

maybe you and David
will give it another chance.

Ray is not out of the picture,
he's out of town.

And David,
if you hadn't noticed,

he's got
a girlfriend.

Well, maybe, but you're the one
he cares about.

Really?

What, he told you this
or you just happened

to read his mind or something?

No, sweetheart, it's written
all over his face.

Hey, how you doing?

l'm gonna pick up some extra
videotape for this weekend

so we don't have to
skimp on footage, okay?

Yeah, l just hope these guys
can pull this off.

Whatever we get,
we'll make it work.

That's why the project's
called ''Real Life'', right?

Hey, there's one
of the guys right now-- Tuck!

Oh, great, this is
the one l can't stand.

Hey, what's
going on, man?

Yeah, what do you
want, Silver?

Uh, you remember Clare,
my partner, right?

Yeah.

Hi. Say, when did you say
that, uh, thing was?

Uh, we start tomorrow.

Early.

All we're gonna do
is film you and your guys

doing your normal routine
for 24 hours.

Nah-- mm-mm.

Nah, this
isn't gonna fly.

Next.

Why not?

'Cause my roommates are too
P.O.'d at me these days.

No, no, no, we
agreed to this.

You have tons of time to
talk to them about this.

We didn't sign a contract
or anything.

Find some other lab rats
or blow it out your shorts.

-Tuck! -What can l say?
The Tuckster

has his own program,
and you dorks are not on it.

''Just leave the location
up to me, Clare.

l'll take care
of everything.''

Clare, l did take care
of it, all right?

-He changed it.
-No.

Losing all six
of our subjects

and the location
is not taking care of it, David.

You know, maybe if you hadn't
have been putting off doing this

-for the last week... -You know
what, Clare, why don't you just

stop with the whole
control freak bit, okay?

You know what,
there is a reason

why l am a control freak,
and that is because

everybody in this world
seems to be a flake.

Well, l'm sorry.

Well, that's
not good enough.

l submitted a 20-page proposal,

including character sketches,

of six people
to Professor Karsky.

He is expecting
a 30-minute video

Monday morning featuring Tuck
and his roommates.

What are we gonna do?

We're just gonna have
to go with plan B.

What plan B?

The one we, uh,
have to come up with right now.

You know, l really
should have known better

than to tie up my grade
with yours.

l really should've.

Oh, thanks.

Look, l have to tell you,
Mr. Brennan,

this is not a good day
to be harassing me.

Forgive me, but
there never seems

to be a good day
to get people

to take care
of their bills.

Uh, Ms. Malone,

your tab has become
rather unwieldy.

Well, l'm good for it.

Oh, l...

l'm sure you are, but uh,
perhaps you'd like

to take a look at your total.

Now, this includes
charges from the

restaurant, the
spa, the boutique

and the daily rate
for your suite, of course.

Look, l have to tell you,
Mr. Brennan,

l don't understand
why you're singling me out.

l don't see you knocking
on the doors of other guests

around here to pay up
when they're not ready.

We like to handle
these matters discreetly.

That's why l asked
to see you privately.

Well, l appreciate
your discretion.

ln fact, um, l was wondering,

since l am a hotel resident
and not a short-term guest,

that maybe you could give me
a special rate?

You're already receiving
our special rate, Ms. Malone.

Well, l was thinking
maybe you and l could, uh,

think of a new rate,

be creative.

What do you say?

l say...

We accept
all major credit cards.

Or a personal check,
if you prefer.

Hi, Clare.

Thought l heard
you coming.

Hi, yourself.

What, are you
still mad at me?

l don't know what
you're smiling about, you know,

but l've decided to take
an incomplete in Communications.

Well, it's not gonna
be necessary.

No, l'll be going
to summer school

before l take a bad grade
in any class.

Clare, you're not gonna have
to go to summer school.

What's going on?

lt's plan B: six roommates,
''24 Hours of Real Life,''

a video essay
by Clare Arnold

-and David Silver.
-And David already

gave us our character
assignments,

so we'll be ready
for tomorrow.

So, we're back on?

-Looks that way.
-Yeah, we'll all be, uh,

pretending to be Tuck
and his roommates.

Yeah, you and l
will set the scenes,

and then, the rest of it,
we'll just improvise.

Well, as long
as l have a bed, l'm in.

You're sleeping here?

We all are.

We're roomies, remember?

Actually, l think l got
the best character.

''Scarlett, a classical musician
who hails from London,

oblivious to the crush
her roommate, Andy, has on her.''

And l'm Andy,
''the shy but nerdy guy

in awe of Scarlett's
musical talent.''

Well, l
definitely have

the toughest
role to play.

Are you gonna
play Todd?

Yeah, ''a quiet
country guy

with a drinking
problem.''

He's a real nice guy,
though.

Talk about a stretch!

Whew.

What about you, Kel,
who are you gonna play?

Uh, ''Trish, party girl
from the Valley.

''Loves drinking, dancing
and grungy men

from Seattle.''

Ooh, this l can't wait
to see.

You know, l think
you especially

are going to enjoy my
interpretation.

-ls that so?
-Mm-hmm.

l guess that leaves
me with... Beth.

Yeah, somebody
had to play her.

l know, she's just so
negative and uptight.

Oh, l know, it's
that whole typecasting thing.

Hmm, so that leaves

you with, uh, Tuck, huh?

The original
weasel on wheels?

Yah! And let me tell you
doughheads something,

you owe me a major debt
of gratitude

for this, dudes, 'kay?

Yah!

Save it for
the cameras.

You know, l think

this just might
work after all.

l have a feeling it's
gonna be a blast.

Mr. Walsh, it's your wife
on line 12.

Fine.

Hey, honey, what's up?

Honey, you remember how you said
you'd give Valerie

two weeks
before she left that hotel?

Yeah.

lt took three.

She's back?

She's unpacking right now.

Just like that?

You took her back,
no questions asked?

Come on, Jim,
what was l gonna do,

refuse her?

Well, you could at least
lay some ground rules this time.

l thought you would do that.

Right, leave it
to the bad cop, huh?

You're a softy, kid.

Honey, the thought of her living
in that big, lonely hotel,

it just got to me.

Yeah, l know, l know.

Maybe if we talk to her,
she'll be different this time.

Right.

And maybe Brandon
will join the ministry.

Ha-ha-ha...

So... we'll, uh,
see you at dinner?

Yeah, table for four-- see you.

Bye.

You know, it's really good
to be home.

lt feels
like l never left.

1 :38

David.

What?

We can't do this.
Won't Karsky

recognize us in the video?

Clare, there's hundreds
of people in his class.

By the time we're in character,

Karsky's never going
to know it's us.

Yeah, you're right.

He's clued out
half the time anyway.

Okay, so this is
what l thought we'd do.

Uh, we'll start with the
breakfast vignette...

the roommates arguing about

the fight in the
kitchen, and then...

Can't we do something
a little more original?

That's the number one fight
roommates have.

lt's classic.
Trust me, it'll be great.

How come we never go
with any of my ideas?

We do.

When they're good.

Which to you is almost never.

l just want it to be
better than good.

What's wrong with aspiring
to make it great?

Okay, fine, fine.

l'm too tired to argue.
You win.

Well, l still think you
should have played ''Tuck.''

Get back at that jerk.

Mm-hmm.

l mean, whose idea was it
for you to play the guy

who has a crush on Donna anyway?

Good night, David.

Good night, Donna.

Donna?

What, what's wrong?

You just called me Donna,
that's what's wrong.

Well, l, uh,
l must have been dreaming.

Oh.

Thanks a lot.

Clare...

Clare...

Clare... Clare,
what did l do?

Hey, geezer, what are
you doing up with the birds?

What did you call me?

Geezer. l'm just trying out
my new act on you, Dad.

l mean,
l'm no Brenda Walsh,

but l think l'm getting the hang
of playing someone obnoxious.

l'll say.

Just don't make it a habit.

Someone get up
on the wrong side?

No. Just trying
to figure out what's behind

Valerie's sudden return
to the nest.

Well, she said she missed
the family atmosphere.

But l think it has more to do
with the size of her hotel bill.

Mm.

Speaking of atmosphere,
l smelled something familiar

coming out of her room
last night,

and it was not incense.

Ask me no questions,
l'll tell you no lies, geeze.

Gotta go!
Smell you later!

lt frightens me how good you are
at that.

Yah!

Okay. We're gonna start

with you three talking
about the party tonight,

then you're gonna find
the mess in the kitchen,

and then Todd's
gonna enter.

Now remember, do not come in
until Trish mentions Tuck, okay?

Don't worry.
l'm up on this, okay?

-l wish we had a script.
-l know.

No, improvising will make it
more realistic. Trust me.

Okay,
where's Brandon?

He's becoming his character.
He's late.

So what do l do
before l enter?

Just hang out behind
the monitor,

and make sure
the camera doesn't see you.

Okay, you guys ready?

Mm-hmm.

And we are... rolling.

So, Beth, are
we gonna party down

for your birthday
or what?

l don't really think
anyone is gonna wanna come.

Well, l'm sure Todd will be
there with bells on.

l think he fancies you, Beth.

No, l don't think so.

Oh, blast!

Who's left our kitchen
such a sty?

Oh, somebody majorly skanked
this joint out.

Yeah, and drank
my orange juice, too.

Mm, l bet it was Tuck.

l bet it was Tuck.

l can't tell a lie;
i-it was me.

A thousand apologies.

Aw, shucks. l was just
trying to prepare

some watermelon slices
for Beth here's party.

Cut!

Steve,
you're totally overacting.

l thought you said
he has a crush on her.

Steve, this is
a documentary. l think Todd

would be a little more...

l don't know, natural,
not quite so obvious.

But how's he going to get
anywhere that way?

Steve, that's not the point.

You've got to start thinking
like Todd, not like Steve.

Excuse me.
''Todd'' needs five.

l'll be in my trailer,
ladies and gentlemen.

Hello.

All right, guys.
l guess we're gonna move on

to the point where you guys find
the vodka

in Todd's orange juice.

Now, remember,
the vodka's only water,

so you're gonna have
to pretend.

Ooh,
good direction.

Don't act so surprised, okay?

You okay?
You ready to go?

-Yeah, l'm all right.
-Yeah.

And we're rolling!

Hey, l wonder if Todd wants
the rest of his OJ.

Hey, this smells
like a screwdriver.

lndeed! Hmm!

lt's 10:00 in the
morning, you guys.

l'm kind of worried
about Steve.

Todd.

What?

You're worried about ''Todd,''
not Steve.

Oh, sorry.
This is so hard.

That's great.
You know what? Actually,

let me get
back to you...

Well, look, here
comes the chap now.

So, um,
how goes it, Todd?

l can't believe my life
sometimes.

My ex-girlfriend and l
haven't been apart

for a year and already
she's getting married.

Steve, you're overacting again.

How can l be overacting?!
This is my life!

What?

Not ''Todd,'' Steve!
This is me, Steve!

Celeste is
getting married?!

To the guy she met
in Hawaii?

No, some naval officer
she's just met

in the last three months.

They're gonna tie the knot

before he leaves
on his next assignment.

lt's the Sanders curse.

Are you filming this?

Do you mind?

No, no. l...

l... l-l just...

l just don't know

how much more of this
l can take.

When is this pattern of
losing and loving gonna end?

Cut it. Okay?

Take five, guys.
This is stupid.

Hey, sweetie, l'm home.

Um, good.

l was hoping
we could talk before, uh...

What did the cat drag in?

lsn't this great?

l found it by the curb
while l was jogging.

l can't believe somebody
threw this thing out.

Somebody probably threw it out
because it's broken.

Oh, come on, it's
just some minor stuff.

Look, we can replace
a few columns,

re-sand it,
refinish it.

Hannah's going
to love it.

What? Didn't you take
wood shop in junior high?

Yeah, it's the only class
l ever got a ''C'' in.

Well, l passed with honors.

l will supervise the handiwork.

Aw, come on, look.
lt's gonna look great

in the corner of Hannah's
room, just like that.

Huh?

Okay, well, we'll try it.

Yes!

So, what do we have
to talk about?

You know,
nothing that can't wait.

-You sure?
-Mm.

Sure.

Okay.

Look at this.

Daisies, roses...

Think we need a whole
new rocking chair.

''Real Life,'' scene four,
take 20.

Action!

Scarlett's music is so great.

She's just so, so talented.

l know somewhere
under that cool veneer,

she's just got a heart of gold.

A little practical joke
on Trish tonight.

Come around here.

This here particular
watermelon

has a tasteless,
odorless surprise. Ooh-wee!

-Hey, Todd.
-Hi.

Can l have some?

Help yourself.
Thanks.

Yo, dudes!

-Whoa!
-Hey!

Watch it!

Huh! Why don't you get out
of the way, bimbette,

and then l won't have
to watch it, will l?

You know, you are
puke; you reek.

Oh, yeah?
Well, get a good whiff, baby,

'cause my own personal hygiene
is my own business.

l am my own man.
l am Tuck.

Now why don't you
just chill out

before l cut the cheese
right in your face, man.

What the hell is this?!

Uh, Tuck. What are
you doing here?

l came over

to tell you, l got my roommates
to okay your project.

Yeah, well, we kind of had
a change in the plans.

What is this
doughhead doing?

Spoofing me?

l got rights, man!

This is a total invasion
of privacy!

Yeah, well, you kind of
left us hanging here.

This is way too uncool!
Un-cool!

You're not getting
away with this.

You're dead, Silver!

You're dead!

You're dead, Silver.

l knew something like this
was going to trip us up.

l'll work it out.

Yeah, l've heard that before.

Kell, l got to tell you,
this is, uh, it's spiked.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
l know, Steve.

l get the gig.

No. l'm not talking
about prop vodka.

l'm talking about
the real stuff.

Hmm... Mmm!

Well, Trish is
a party girl.

lt'll get me
into character.

Ooh...

l should've used
the Everclear.

Hey. You two look like you're
studying for an exam.

Well, actually, we're doing
a little research

for a parapsychological
screenplay.

Oh.

And l take it, uh,
this is the writer?

Yeah, you know
it's not me.

Charley, Nat...
Nat, Charley.

Hey. l hope you don't mind us

camping out in your place here
while we work.

Nah, not at all.

Just give me a ''special thanks''
in the credits.

That's a deal.

No deals.

Nat. Can l ask a favor?

Valerie.

Ask away.

Well, the caterers want to use
the kitchen...

Valerie?

This is the Valerie that
l've been hearing about?

Yeah, one and the same.

Okay.

Hi. Haven't seen
you lately.

Ah, lucky me.

Who's your friend?

l'm Charley.

Hi.

Hey.

So, um...

What kind of party are
you throwing?

Um, a sci-fi
movie premiere,

Touch of the Swami.

Oh, Leo Tanner!

You know him?

l know his work.

He's a great director.

Well, you guys should
come by tonight.

Oh, l would love to.

But you can't,

'cause we're working
on this screenplay right now.

Yeah, but we'll be there.

Hey, there's
nothing wrong

with a little
showbiz networking.

Well, l'll see
you guys tonight.

Nice meeting you.

Good to meet you.

Baby, you know l can.

l wasn't going to go
to Beth's party.

l've got tickets
to the symphony.

But l thought
it might be

a bit educational to spend
a night among the proletariat.

Was that okay?

That was perfect.

You know,

l don't think l've ever
used the word ''proletariat''

in my life.

Yeah, that was
a pretty good ad-lib.

Thank you.

So, uh,
did you and Tuck make peace?

Well, let me put it
this way.

ln order to keep Tuck
from suing us,

l had to promise
that my next project would be

a documentary
on mountain biking,

which of course
he'll star in.

Drives a hard bargain, huh?

Yeah.

What's wrong?

l was... l was just
thinking about the last time

that you and l
were in this room.

l mean, l thought
l'd gotten over it.

Don't worry.

lt's going to
take some time.

lt's okay.

Hey, do you guys want
watermelon for dessert?

Hey, save some of that stuff
for the scenes later, Kelly.

Trish, my name's
Trish, remember?

Yeah, Method actress.

Okay, guys,
l'm going to grab some mics.

Okay? l'll be right back.

You okay?

Yeah.

We'd better stop, though.

Wouldn't want anyone
to get the wrong idea.

Hey!

Tuck, Tuck, Tuck, Tuck, Tuck!

Does that bother you?

Back off, man.

Anybody want some more
of this?

No, l think Trish has had

-quite enough.
-Yeah, of you.

Yeah.

You're funny.

David, here, take over for me.

Hey, Todd,

come here.

-Me?
-Yeah.

You want to dance with me, stud?

Boy, you sure do loosen up
at parties.

During the day l'm just
a neurotic, insecure mess,

but at night when the glasses
come off, look out.

lf no one's going to
get the phone, l will.

Well, l didn't see
that coming, huh?

l'm sure glad
it did, though.

Sorry.

Well, l guess Beth

has a wild side,
huh?

Did you get that on tape?

'Cause l would really
love to see it again.

lt's for you.

For me?

Thank you.

Hello.

Hi, Mom.

Uh, Silver, Silver,
Silver, do me a favor.

No more watermelon parties
for ''Trish,'' huh?

-Okay.
-What?

l don't believe it.

How pathetic can you be?

No, l'm not
going to--

no, l'm not going
to stop,

not till you show
a little dignity.

-What's going on?
-My mother--

my spineless, insecure mother--

has asked your father to move
back in with her again.

-You're kidding.
-How could Mel take

Jackie back? l mean he, he
cheated on her, he lied to her,

he totally humiliated her.

Kelly, look,
no one's forcing her

to do anything.

No, that's exactly it.

That makes it worse;
she has no pride.

l mean... l don't get it.

What is with you guys?

What is it--

why are you always
letting us down?

Why is it so impossible
to be faithful?

l mean,
Mel cheated on Jackie.

Right?
You had Emily.

-Now, hold on a s...
-No, shh.

David,

being like his father,
had Ariel.

The examples

are endless.

Well, Ray has not cheated on me.

No, not that you know of,

but he probably has
a little side dish

out on tour
with him.

l never cheated

-on you, Kelly.
-No, you didn't.

But you did cheat on Celeste

and that's probably
why she's marrying a frogman.

l mean,

every member of the male species

has a lousy track record
in this area

and it makes me sick.

You all make
me so sick.

You make me sick.

Sick!

Sick.

Ugh.

Well, thanks for such
a great time, Silver.

You know what, guys,
let's take a break,

all right?

What do you like-- the orange
or the pink flowers better?

Don't ask me,
Rembrandt.

l don't have an artistic bone
in my body.

Ah, neither do l.

l'm just winging it.

Well, you sure got a lot
of raw talent.

Yeah, right.

Jess, this is fun.

Yeah.

Sort of therapeutic,
huh?

Yeah.

You know, it's been too long

since we've done
something like this,

you know, l mean, just for fun.

Yeah,

l guess our marriage has become
a bit of a routine.

Sometimes l forget
how good it is,

you know,
just to feel like this.

-Me, too.
-Yeah?

-Yeah, yeah.
-Yeah, yeah?

Oh, that's sharp.

That's real sharp.

Well, you can bring out
the grilled veggies now,

and fill any empty wine glasses.

Okay?

Oh, including mine.

A woman of
authority.

l like that.

Me, too.

Now, once l get the band
going, um, l'll be all yours.

l know you have your
doubts about this, Dylan,

but, uh... that Valerie,
she's not half bad.

Yeah, she makes
a good first impression.

Her second impression's
pretty sweet, too.

Charley?

Oh, hey, hey, hey,
that's Evan Ames.

Oh, man, he would be
perfect to score the film.

So why don't you stroll on
over there

and score a meeting, eh?

Good idea, good idea.

Charley?

Hi.

Dr. Campbell.

What are you doing here?

Oh, l was a consultant
on this film.

Oh, that's great.

Oh, uh, Dylan, this
is Dr. Molly Campbell.

Hi.

She's my old
hyponotherapist.

She gave me the inspiration
for the script.

Oh.

You're finally doing that?

-Yeah, and Dylan's helping me.
-Well, great.

Look, if there's anything
l can do

to help,
give me a call, huh?

We may do that.

Good.

Nice to meet you.

-Yeah.
-And great to see you.

Oh.

l'm so proud of you.

Thanks.

l'm so proud of you.

Excuse me, um, do you mind?

Oh.

Listen, uh...
do me a favor, will you?

-What?
-Don't leave tonight

without seeing me.

You know what, guys?

Guys, it's already
two minutes past midnight.

l think it's safe to say
this, uh, ''Real Life'' thing

can go down as a complete
and utter disaster.

Oh, Davey,

our scenes turned out
to be pretty bogus, huh?

Yeah, especially
that scene, Steve.

The problem is that we tried
to keep up these characters,

but our real personalities
just kept on coming through.

Oh, is that what happened?

You're cut off.

l think so.

So, when David was
so convincingly looking

at you
with those puppy dog eyes...

Clare.

What?

Come on,
let's get it out there.

You still love Donna,
right?

You know, l think
it's pretty normal

to still care about somebody
you had a relationship with.

David, answer the question.

Yeah.

Yeah, l still
love Donna.

And you?

Do l love Donna?

No, Clare, do you have feelings
for anyone else--

l don't know, Brandon maybe?

l was never with Brandon,
all right?

Yeah, but you wanted to be
and l, l think you still do.

All right, if you must know...

yeah, l still have feelings
for Brandon.

Okay?

Oh, please, make the
room stop spinning.

l would if l could.

Brandon?

Yeah, l'm here.

l'm here.

You weren't,
right when l needed you most.

What are you talking about?

You know
what l'm talking about.

l'm talking
about fire night.

Kelly, l already said
l'm sorry for that.

Why?

What did you do that you have
to be sorry for?

Honey, you're talking
in non-sequiturs again.

No, l'm talking
about cheating.

l think you're
just drunk

and you need to
get a little sleep.

N-No, no, l know l may be
a little wasted,

but l remember
l started a conversation

in that living room
about cheating,

and l didn't hear a peep
out of you.

Hey, no one could get
a word in edgewise

while you were going
off on that.

l'd like to know
what you were doing with Emily

when l was trapped
in that house.

What do you mean?

l mean,

were you sleeping with her?

Tell me, Brandon.

No, l didn't sleep with her.

We kissed good-bye,
that's it.

Well, l want to believe you.

Kelly,

Emily is in France
and l'm here with you.

That's all that
matters.

Good.

Because l-l love you

and l think about you and me
in the future and all that.

You do?

Mm-hmm.

l'd have to stop thinking
that way,

if l couldn't trust you.

Well, you can.

Good.

You know, Kelly,

there aren't many people

that you can imagine spending
your whole life with.

To me, you're that person.

l mean, l know we're still young
and everything, but l...

Well, Val, thanks
for the lift.

Well, if you ever need
my services again,

you, uh, let
me know.

l'll do that.

You know, it's nice

to be on fairly decent
terms with you.

Oh, hell, we just have
a little problem

letting drugs and money
come between us, that's all.

Despite all that's
happened,

you're still one of
my best friends.

Best friends?

l was thinking, uh,

l've missed you.

And l was thinking
how this is pretty good

with this thing
being platonic.

Well, l could live
with that.

Good.

Even though l'd
rather not.

Bad.

That's real bad.

No, l think

if you are the one to get broken
up with, you forever

have a thing
for that person.

-Oh, yeah?
-Uh-huh.

Even if breaking up was
the best thing to do?

Mm-hmm.
l don't know,

maybe it's, uh, pride,

or the intrigue of the road
never traveled,

but l think if you
get deserted,

somewhere in your head
you'll always want them back.

ls that the way it was with you
and Emily Valentine?

Not quite.

No.

Come on, Brandon,

fess up.

Was it something more?

Okay, l guess...

there was something more

than just an old flame coming
into town.

Well, what is it, then?

Let me put it to
you this way:

Emily came to town, she, uh...

she got under my skin.

So, Kelly

had a right to be worried.

No, but,

until that time,
l didn't know it was possible

to love two people
at the same time.

Sure.

When you go from relationship
to relationship

there's overlap time.

l guess that means Kelly
still loves Dylan, huh?

Well, according
to Clare's theory,

he probably still loves her.

Yeah, kinda like the way
l still care about Celeste,

and though l hate to admit it,
Valerie.

Geez, when you
add up all

the women l still
pine for, it ranks

right up there with all
the other L.A. disasters, huh?

Would you put Kelly
on that list?

lf Kelly would
take me back,

l'd go in a second.

l can't believe we're telling
each other these things.

Blame it on the watermelon.

Yes!

Hey!

You haven't told us
anything yet.

-Come on.
-Yeah.

Spill your guts, blondie.

What?

-What do you want me to say?
-We want

to know about your demons.

Okay. Um...

l guess
my biggest fear

is that being a virgin

will cost me every relationship
that l have.

The way it did with David.

Look, Donna,
if l haven't said it

in so many words before,
l, uh...

David,

you don't have to say it.

l know.

l've got a headache.

No surprise
there.

Why?

Maybe it's a
hangover?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Don't tell me
you don't remember last night?

l remember...

filming Clare and David's thing

and having a few of Steve's
watermelon cubes.

A few too many.

Really?

Fill me in on the details.

Well, let me see, what
can l tell you?

You were the typical
life-of-the-party drunk, Kel.

Lampshade on the head,
dancing on the tables.

Then all these sailors showed up

and you did a striptease,
it was great.

Was that right before

or right after you told me
the truth about Emily?

l think l better go get you some
aspirin.

One other thing.

Did l happen to go on and on

about how much l love you?

You did kind of let that slip.

l thought so.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Morning, beautiful.

Mmm.

How you doing?

Good.

Oh, l feel like
it's the morning

after my wedding.

Well, l feel even
better than that.

Ah.

Jesse, um...

Jesse, l have to, uh,

talk to you
about something.

What's up?

l've been seeing a therapist
about our marriage.

She's helped me see

how essential honesty is
to our relationship.

l guess, uh, l guess we haven't
had that, have we?

No, we haven't.

l guess l haven't been hiding it
very well, have l?

Hiding what?

l've been climbing the walls
about this,

and right now
more than anything,

l wish l could erase
the whole thing.

Jesse, what are you
talking about?

Do you remember my trip
to Kansas City,

and l told you l'd stayed out
late playing poker

with some of the guys from Judge
Costello's office?

Yeah.

Well, the truth is,
l was having dinner

with a law clerk l met that
afternoon at the interview.

l-l didn't plan on anything more
than that,

that was it.

Then after dinner, l walked her
back to her apartment.

She asked me in.

We ended up in bed.

l'm sorry.

l'm so sorry.

Hey.

Where's everyone?

Well, Brandon and Kelly went
over to the boardwalk.

David and Clare, they're editing
last night's masterpiece.

l wonder how that'll
turn out.

Things got pretty
funky last night.

l don't know,
l kinda dug it.

l like the fact that
reality got a little warped.

All the facades
came down.

Well, we did learn some
revealing things.

Juicy stuff.

l just hope no permanent
damage was done.

Ah, quite the contrary,
Donna.

l think it opened up a whole
world of possibilities.

Like what?

Like how about you and l play
house this afternoon?

Steve!

What?

The party's over.

Can't blame a guy
for asking, right?

l can't believe my life
sometimes.

-My ex-girlfriend and
l haven't been... -Oh, okay,

this was great stuff.
We've got to use this.

Yeah, but that's not ''Todd'',
that's really Steve.

The name of the essay
is ''Real Life''.

The best material
we have is

when people stepped
out of their roles.

Like this.

-My spineless...
-We're gonna get marked down

for not using the
original characters.

No, we won't, we'll
just explain

that the project took
on a life of its own,

and developed into something
even better.

lt's fine by me.

l'm not the grade
junkie.

ls there a problem
with that?

Look out.

No.

But there's something wrong
with that.

What?

l was just playing a role.

lt wasn't in the script.

Really?

Well, guess what, David?

Neither was

this...

You know what?

You're way out
of line.

l'm out of line?

You didn't even try
to disguise this

behind the roles
you were playing!

Excuse me, for your information,

Donna and l were talking
about the fact

she was almost raped
a few weeks ago.

Please, David, don't insult
my intelligence here, all right?

You admitted
in front of everybody

you're still in love with her.

Oh, well, gee,
you sure didn't hesitate

to tell everyone
that you still want Brandon.

Of course you really didn't
have to say anything about it,

it's kind of obvious with
the way you flirt.

l do not!

What do you think l am, stupid?

You do it right
underneath my nose.

Yeah,

l do think you're pretty stupid
sometimes.

Yeah, well, uh,
l guess anyone who's not

a rocket scientist
is stupid to you.

Well, l expect a lot
from people.

You know what, Clare?

Why don't we just do something
really smart here?

Let's just end this.

Just like that?

Yeah.

Yeah, just like that.

Fine by me.

Me, too.