Beverly Hills, 90210 (1990–2000): Season 2, Episode 21 - Everybody's Talking 'Bout It - full transcript

Well, you've heard
the old expression

''Children should be seen
and not heard. ''

Well, now
there's a government survey

that wants to know what kids have
to say on a variety of subjects.

But one of those subjects
has some people up in arms.

Evany Bear reports.

Oh, this is it, this is it,
turn up the sound.

Many of the questions pertain to sex,
and therein lies the controversy.

Critics contend
the government-funded survey

promotes a message
that casual sex is okay.

- There's John!
- Proponents insist otherwise.



- Who's he?
- The managing editor of the paper.

They claim
that teen pregnancy, AlDS

and other consequences
of adolescent sexual behaviour

cannot be prevented unless we know
something about the behaviour itself.

- But not everyone agrees.
- And there's Mrs. Teasley.

Oh, Andrea.

- l look awful.
- Oh, you do not.

How come l don't see
your bones up there, squeef?

- There l am right there.
- Where?

Right there.
That's my elbow, right there. See?

Well, we could see your whole face
if the sign wasn't covering it.

Our public health
is not served by prying

into every corner
of our children's lives.

This is a wrongful allocation
of taxpayer money,



and we think the department should
freeze the funding immediately.

No matter what happens tomorrow,
one thing remains clear:

When it comes to the issue
of teenage sexuality,

everyone's passion
can become inflamed.

For Newswatch, l'm Evany Bear.

Well, you kids
must have had some day.

Quite an experience.

Can't believe l ended up
on the cutting-room floor.

Better luck next time, champ.

Well, Mrs. Walsh,
it's getting to be that time.

l think we ought to
head on up to bed.

Okay. Night, all.

- Good night, everybody.
- Night.

Yeah, Miss Walsh, l think
it's getting to be about that time.

- We'd better head on up to bed.
- Right.

Well, you can't blame a guy
for trying, right?

So staff meeting
first period tomorrow, huh?

- Yeah.
- Great.

Great.

Great.

Hey, Brandon. You didn't tell me
your folks were having

the parents' association meeting
at your house.

That's because l'm the last one
to know. When is it?

Hey, hey. So, Walsh,
did you see us on the news?

Hey, sorry your mug
didn't make the cut.

Yours almost broke our picture tube.

John, your face was all over the TV.

l tried to call you to tell you it was on,
but there was no answer.

Oh, well, l was at Brandon's house.

Aren't they the darling duo?

Kelly, what's wrong?
You sound cranky.

Just seeing David reminds me
of how much my mom likes his dad.

What can she see in a guy whose idea
of a good time is a gum massage?

Kelly, he's a dentist.

- All right, who's available third period?
- l am.

You're already facilitating
the assembly.

- l can cover both.
- Eager little beaver, aren't we?

Why? Just because
l don't phone it in, Walsh?

- Hey, Mrs. T.
- Are they ready for us? We're all set.

ls everything all right, Mrs. Teasley?

l'm afraid l have some
disappointing news.

They're hypocrites, that's all.

Two-faced ignoramuses.
Or is it ignorami?

No, what it is, is a travesty.

lt's a triumph of ignorance
over knowledge.

That's good.
You should put that in your editorial.

What's going on? l was supposed to
get out of English Lit for the sex survey.

A public-health survey, Steve.

- Whatever. When's it gonna start?
- lt's been cancelled.

Postponed because of the rain?

No, cancelled, over, finito.

Great. Now l actually have
to read Brave New World.

So listen, if you need any help
with that editorial, l'm at your disposal.

Hey, Andrea. Flogged any more
school administrators today?

Yeah, Brandon said
that you really gave it to Mrs. Teasley.

You should have heard her.
She was--

Explosive.

l don't blame you.

l mean, it's really unfair.

lt's like they don't give a damn
about what we have to say.

Well, my mom will be happy.

She doesn't think
they should ask kids about sex

because it might give them ideas.

Donna, doesn't your mom read
the newspaper?

There were a million teenage
pregnancies in this country last year.

Every year, 3 million teenagers
contract sexually transmitted diseases.

That is not because of any survey.

- Andrea, settle down.
- No, people are dying, Brandon.

More Americans have died
from the AlDS virus

than were killed in the Vietnam
and Korean wars combined.

More are gonna die
in the next two years

than in the ten years since the virus
was discovered. How can--?

How can people
ignore this problem?

Give them hell, Andrea.
Catch you guys later.

l mean, honestly, how can any of
these questions get people worked up?

''Have you ever had
sexual intercourse before?''

Excuse me?

''Have you ever used
any of the following:

Birth-control pills, lUD, condoms?''

You know what l was thinking?

After school, maybe you and l
could go over to the college library--

- Yes!
- Really?

l mean, no.

Oh, well, it was just a thought.

No, no, l mean, l think l know
how to make them take us seriously.

l can't believe
l didn't think of it before.

Tonight's board
of education meeting.

And although the report
was accepted by the board,

it was not filled out in triplicate
until after the deadline had passed.

Maybe this isn't such a good idea.

lt's on the agenda.
lt's too late to stop now.

Not if we just stand up and go.

Andrea Zuckerman.

ls Andrea Zuckerman here?

Here goes nothing.

Hello, Andrea.
How's the student press corps?

Fine, thanks, Mr. Beale.

l know it's late,
so l'll get right to the point.

l hereby propose that the
West Beverly Hills Board of Education

move to consider adopting a plan
to make condoms available

to the students on the campus
of West Beverly High.

Well, l so move.

l second that motion.

- Sheila.
- Why not?

We ought to at least consider it.

You guys should have
seen her up there.

l mean, they were practically
interrogating her,

but she stayed calm
and stood her ground.

He gets a little
carried away sometimes.

Come on, Andrea. You were brilliant.

You were tough.
You were inspirational.

But how was she really, John?

- On the house.
- Thanks, Nat.

So when does this
new programme start?

lt's only on the table at this point.

Not everybody's gonna go for it.

Yeah, you want me to talk
to them for you?

You're the expert, huh, Nat?
You jungle stud.

- Thanks for being so supportive, Nat.
- Don't mention it.

Of course, if it were my daughter,

l'd lock her in the closet
till she was 35.

Don't laugh. That's what my mom
would like to do with me.

Over my dead body.

David, easy, tiger.

Donna, maybe you should just
not tell your mom about the meeting.

She never misses a meeting. And she
especially wants to meet your mom.

lt could be a real free-for-all.
l hope your mom's prepared for that.

You guys know Cindy Walsh,
nothing fazes her.

Jackie, Mel.
Grab a chair, they're going fast.

- Hi, where's Kelly?
- She's at home.

- Hi, Felice.
- Jackie, how are you?

Comme ci, comme ca, a little bug.

- Oh, l'm sorry.
- Hi, Bren.

Hi, l'm glad you made it.

Oh, Mrs. Walsh,
this is my mother, Felice.

- Hi.
- Hi.

You're a very brave woman
to host one of these things.

l am?

- Knock, knock.
- Andrea, hi.

- Hi, everybody.
- Hi.

The infamous Andrea Zuckerman?

Mom.

Cindy. Cindy.

l'd like you to meet Bill Sloane.

Hi. Any friend of Mel's
is a friend of ours.

Well, thanks. l thought this was
supposed to be a parents' meeting.

Oh, yes.

Oh, well, but that's just my daughter
and her friends.

They're really only here to observe.

Find your father.

l don't want my kid
to be able to walk up

to a school nurse and say,
''Give me a condom.''

lt's as simple as that.

- At least they'd provide instruction.
- Mel, please--

lf l wanted my kid to receive
instruction, l would teach him.

- Bill--
- As simple as that.

Then just decide for your own kid,
and not for everybody else's.

Don't you decide how my tax dollars
are gonna be spent.

Look, we're all gonna pay
a lot more down the road

if we don't take some action
before it's too late.

Gentlemen, please!

Mrs. Martin has been waiting patiently.
Let's give her the floor.

- Thank you.
- Boy, David's dad is very...

- Belligerent?
- Outspoken.

Yeah, but so is my mom.

Hi, everybody.

Dr. Martin would have liked
to have been here tonight,

but unfortunately
he's at a medical conference.

Addressing his colleagues
on this very subject, in fact.

And l'm sure he'd be a lot better
at this than me,

but what he would have said
to all of you is this:

Year after year, the experts
have been telling us that condoms

are the most effective way
to prevent the spread of AlDS

and other
sexually transmitted diseases.

And yet, year after year,
more people are getting sick.

More people are dying.

Children are dying.

lt's very clear there's a lot
we don't know about this disease.

lt's clear something is not working.

l submit condoms aren't the answer.

They work when people
use them right.

Not always.

As a concerned parent,

as an educated woman
and as a member of the generation

that barely survived
the sexual revolution,

l'm tired of kids being told,
''Well, you really shouldn't have sex,

but if you do, nod, nod, wink, wink,
here's a condom, go have fun.''

No. No, we owe our children
more than a mixed message.

She does have a point.

We owe them the very best guidance
we can give them.

And the only advice we can give
in good conscience,

the only 1 00 percent reliable advice,
is to use that old-fashioned method

that is just simply gonna have to
become fashionable again.

And that method is abstinence.

Andrea, say something.

And if they don't listen,
which a lot of them won't,

do you just shrug and say,
''Well, l told you so''?

- Donna.
- l'm sorry, Mom, but--

What is this,
a student-council meeting?

Bill, l'd like to hear
what Donna has to say.

Oh, gosh. Andrea, you go ahead.

- No, you go ahead.
- Yeah, come on.

lt's just, if you say that kids
don't need condoms

because they shouldn't be
having sex in the first place,

well, you're overlooking
two very important things.

One is that a lot of kids
are having sex.

And the other is that they are kids.

l mean, it's like if you have
a swimming pool in your backyard,

you can tell your children
not to go in it,

you can even build a fence around it,

but if you know that they're going
to find a way into that water,

don't you think you ought to teach
those kids how to swim?

Couldn't have said it better.

lf you would have told me ten years
ago that l would be in my living room

arguing about condoms
in front of my kids,

l would have said you were nuts.

l remember when the big controversy
of the PTA was over

where they were gonna hold
the next holiday bake sale.

l thought David's dad
was gonna knock out that Sloane guy.

Yeah, well,
he would have deserved it.

Hey, l know Bill Sloane
from racquetball.

He's a good guy
and he's a very caring father.

lf he's so worried about his son
getting his hands on a condom,

why doesn't he just have
a little talk with him?

Honey, it's hard for some people to talk
with their kids about sex.

lt wasn't hard for you guys.

- Speak for yourself, bro.
- No, l'm serious.

Remember the time Cheryl came out
from Minnesota and we--?

Well, maybe...

Personally,
l think it's getting a lot easier,

with all the media exposure
and everything.

Well, that's true.

l mean, ever since Magic Johnson
announced that he was HlV-positive,

it seems like all you hear about
is condoms and safer sex.

And abstinence.

Right.

Hey, before you know it,
frank discussions of sexuality

may be so common
that we don't even think twice about it.

Well, as you say, it's a new world.

Really. Who'd have thought
Andrea Zuckerman

would be leading
the next sexual revolution?

Whoever would have thought
that Donna Martin

would be leading
the next sexual revolution?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

So, guys, about last night,
pretty big meeting, huh?

- You should have been there.
- Your dad got really into it.

Yeah, well,
l heard Donna was really...

- Vocal?
- Yeah, and she was pretty...

- Persuasive.
- Yes, yes, really persuasive.

l think after she finished talking, a lot
of people had changed their minds.

Yeah, definitely.

So do you think l should,
you know...?

Make a move?

l have to admit,
it has crossed my mind.

Well, here's a shocker:

- l bet it's crossed hers too.
- Yeah.

So you think this condom-availability
plan is gonna go through, huh?

Well, Andrea thinks it's a shoo-in,
but l don't know.

lt only passed at the parents' meeting
by a couple of votes.

But how soon do you think
before we get some?

Go to a drugstore, man.

Excuse me, man. Excuse me.
John. Hey, John, what's going on?

Andrea's being interviewed
for the news.

- Get out of here.
- No, l swear.

They got wind of the upcoming
school-board vote,

now we're national news.

But why? We're certainly
not the first high school in America

to consider a condom programme.

No, but we're the first one
in Beverly Hills to consider it.

- Beverly High didn't get on it already?
- Not yet.

Because otherwise,
we are gonna inherit the society

that pays the price
for this generation's failure to act.

Brandon,
can l talk to you a moment?

Yeah, sure.

Hi, David.

- Donna, hi, how you doing?
- Great.

So your mom
wasn't too hard on you?

Oh, well, she disowned me.

Very funny.

Actually, l think she'd like to.

But l told her, sometimes
you just have to take a stand.

You know what l'm saying?

Absolutely.

Of course she's entitled
to speak her mind,

but being interviewed on campus
without clearing it first

puts me in a very awkward position.

And now she's insisting
that the Blaze do its own sex survey

and all sorts of unrealistic demands.

Well, you know Andrea, she just gets
real passionate about the issues.

Well, perhaps you can help her
tone down some of that passion.

The last thing any of us wanna see

is her jeopardise her position
as editor on the paper.

l'll talk to her.

- Thanks, Brandon.
- Okay.

Two-thirds of sexually active teens
are between the ages...

l hear that Andrea Zuckerman
was interviewed on the news today.

Can we please talk about
some other subject?

Would you smell this?

All l've been hearing about
for days is Andrea Zuckerman

and her mighty condom crusade.

lt smells fine to me.
What do you think?

Me too.

l mean, this whole condom thing
is already such old news.

l'll just have tea.

My stomach is really on the fritz.

Well, believe it or not, some people
haven't gotten the message yet.

You were telling me all about birth
control before l even got my period.

Well, with a wild child like you,

l figured we were better safe
than sorry.

But how many kids your age

are emotionally ready to be involved
in a sexual relationship?

lt's so much easier with a boy.

You just give them a copy of Playboy
and say good luck.

Dad.

l'm just kidding.
They know l was kidding.

But the point is it's not
just about birth control anymore.

lt's really about disease prevention.

lt's a different world
than when we were young.

Yeah. ln our day,

we had to walk ten miles through
the snow just to get to a love-in.

Well, l may be out of step
with most of my friends,

but as much as l agree condoms
are necessary,

l don't think
they're necessary in school.

l mean, like you said, a lot of kids
just aren't ready to deal with sex.

Most of the boys
are totally obsessed with it as it is.

Next thing you know,
they're gonna be

throwing condom balloons
off the second floor.

Oh, come on, they're not that bad.

Yes, they are. David, tell them.

Tell them what?

These days, isn't just everyone
totally preoccupied with sex?

Not that l've noticed.

l'm kind of nervous and
l see them sitting behind the counter,

but the cashier
is being really obnoxious

and she's yelling out the prices
at the top of her lungs--

Come on, get to the point.
Did you get any or no?

Check it out. Did you ever know
there were so many varieties?

- What'd you get, one of each?
- Here, take some.

No, thanks.

You don't need any?

No, not at the moment.

Brandon, l don't know what
you people from the Blaze

are trying to accomplish, but l would
appreciate it if you'd leave me out of it.

- What are we doing?
- The personal journals.

Oh, that.

Your name just came up.
lf you don't wanna do it...

- l don't wanna do it.
- Would you like us to leave so you--?

No, Andrea's trying to
round up some people

to write about some
personal experiences.

Some personal sexual experiences,

for the school newspaper, of all things.
l'd rather die.

Yeah, l wouldn't wanna
do that either.

Yeah, man, goes for me too, bro.
Scratch my name off that list.

Yeah, l hear you.
Look, l'll tell Andrea you said no, okay?

Andrea Zuckerman doesn't always
take no for an answer.

Now she actually wants us to go
and hand out condoms on the street.

She wants us to do what?

Excuse me,
when did we start giving out condoms?

No, not condoms. Just these
informational packets they sent over.

- Who sent over?
- My uncle.

He's a psychologist. He's affiliated with
this theatre group in West Hollywood.

They do a show on safer sex and then
have a question-and-answer period.

Afterwards, they hand out
these informational packets

to people who request them.

Well, now, correct me if l'm wrong,

l'm still on the editorial board
of this paper.

l should have been consulted
about this, shouldn't l?

We had to make a decision.

Can l talk to you for a second?

Andrea, why are you
so obsessed about this?

You told me the school board's gonna
vote 3-2 in favour of your proposal.

My sources definitely think
they're gonna postpone the vote.

- Gives us something to bargain with.
- What do you mean?

ln Massachusetts,
some kids took action on their own,

of course they were
handing out condoms,

but the school board sat down
and negotiated with them.

Besides, it's for a good cause.

lt's a community-service project
whose sole purpose is to educate kids

about AlDS and safer sex.

Andrea, l'm not knocking the project.
lt's the protocol.

l should have been asked
about this, not told.

l'm sorry,
you're never around anymore.

Hey, l was working.
l have a job, remember?

l know, but this thing has momentum,
it has got a life of its own.

Maybe you should get a life
of your own before it's too late.

- Excuse me?
- You know,

sometimes you get so caught up
in your quest to save the world,

you don't see
that you're alienating people.

Like who?

Just trust me on this, okay?

The only people who ever respond
to these in-your-face tactics

are already on your side.

l know what this is about,
you're jealous.

- Jealous?
- Yes.

You can't stand it that John Griffin
got on TV and you didn't.

And now you resent me
because l'm in the spotlight.

So you got it all figured out, huh?
You got me all figured out.

Everything in the world
is black and white.

Let me tell you something, it isn't.

Not with me, and not with an issue
like having condoms in school.

l'm sorry, you're wrong.
The statistics are black and white.

There are proven facts,
people just don't want to admit it.

What you don't want to admit

is that you don't know about
the other part of it.

The part that doesn't show up
in statistics or surveys.

And what, pray tell, is that?

The feelings. The sex.

lf you had a little more experience,

you'd know that love
is not a public-health issue.

Thanks for bringing that
to my attention.

- Andrea...
- Thanks a lot.

Come on, Brandon. l mean,
even in the best of circumstances,

you're a sore subject with Andrea.

And then, when you put her down
for being inexperienced--

-Hey, l wasn't putting her down.
- Then what were you doing, Brandon?

lt came out wrong, okay? How could
l know she'd be so sensitive about it?

What'd you expect?

Just mentioning it probably
set off all those scared feelings.

You know, ''l'll be a virgin forever, there
must be something wrong with me.''

Brenda, that's ridiculous.

Maybe, but it's also normal.

How do you know
she feels that way?

l don't. But l do know
how she feels about you,

and l'm sure that only made it worse.

Great.

Want me to talk to her?

No, l gotta clean up
my own messes.

Yeah, well, you better take
a big shovel.

Hi, handsome.

Can l give you a lift somewhere?

That might be arranged.

Hey, you're gonna desert me
in my hour of need?

- We'll send you a postcard.
- See you tomorrow.

What?
What are you laughing about?

- l'm laughing at you.
- What?

Andrea, l'm really worried
about the board meeting tonight.

Donna's mother is on the agenda.

lt's okay. We have the facts
and votes on our side.

You know, we ought to get there early
to make sure we get good seats.

You want me to stop by your
grandma's house to pick you up?

- How about l just meet you there?
- Okay.

Oh, before l forget, our first
true confession came in this morning.

The personal journals
for the special edition.

Right.

l think this one's really good.
Maybe a page-one prospect.

Don't you wanna hear it?

All right.

lt's called ''Okay, So l'm a Virgin.''

You like the title?

John, l gotta go.
l'll see you later, okay?

Andrea.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Andrea, look, before you say a word,
l'm not writing anything for the paper.

l know, Brandon told me,
loud and clear.

There's a fine line
between informative and sleazy.

And exactly where is that line, Kelly?

Well, you know what they say:

l can't tell you,
but l'll know when l see it.

See you.

Don't let her bother you.

l'm still writing my piece,
and it is not going to be sleazy.

l'm sure it'll be fine.

There's just a lot going on,
and l'll be glad when it's over.

Well, the vote's tonight.

We'll celebrate afterwards.

Okay. Thanks.

Avoiding anyone in particular?

Excuse me, l don't wanna get in
anyone's face and alienate them.

- Come on, Andrea, hold on a second.
- No, it's late, l gotta go.

Look, l don't want you to think
l don't respect what you've been doing.

lt's hard to be outspoken.
l respect that.

That's not what you said yesterday.

Well, there were a lot of things
l said yesterday l'd like to take back.

l also have to tell you, l can't make it
to the board meeting tonight.

l gotta work.

But l wanna wish you
the best of luck.

You worked hard for this.

Feel free to jump in any time.

l don't have much to say for once.

Well, listen,
about yesterday, l'm sorry.

l didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

You know, it was bad enough being
reminded how inexperienced l am,

but hearing you apologise for it,
it's even worse.

Singleton? Nay.

Beale?

Nay.

That's two nays.

lt's okay. l think the rest are with us.

Sporkin?

Yes.

- Pula?
- Yes.

Next one's Manners.
She seconded the motion. We're in.

Manners?

Nay.

The vote had nothing to do
with the issues.

Sheila Manners and Donna's mom
are best friends.

She really believed
what she was saying,

that handing out condoms
could encourage casual sex.

Which is like saying seat belts
might encourage people to drive cars.

Don't worry, if we need them,

we can always get some seat belts
from David Silver.

This all makes me so depressed.

What good does that do?
l mean, we can't just roll over

and play dead
because of one measly vote.

Donna's right.
We should set up a picket line

in front of the board of education.

No. You know your uncle
the psychologist?

We should help his group pass out

those informational packets
on safer sex.

Yeah, l'd do that in a minute.

Maybe that's something that Dylan
might wanna be involved with.

l bet a lot of people
would wanna do that.

And l bet we could get
the media to cover it.

What do you think, chief?

l don't know.

Why don't you guys
coordinate it with John?

l'll see you later.

She's taking this hard.

What do you expect?
She felt it was important.

No, what she felt was important was
having a forum to discuss the issues.

Now, just because
there's no vote pending

doesn't mean that we have to stop
making ourselves be heard

in a mature and dignified way.

So, what kind of lD do you need
to rent a hotel room?

A hotel room?

Well, l mean, you can't just seduce
a girl in her own car, can you?

David, do l look like Ann Landers?

No, more like Dr. Ruth.

Look, the reason l'm asking you
about the hotel room is

Donna told me that you and Brenda
rented one at the prom last year.

She told you that?

lt was a small detail
that'll never, ever pass these lips.

Why, look, l forgot about it already.

lt's a good thing.

Hobson, l'm bailing.

All right, man, say hi to my family.

- Honey, it's Dylan.
- Send him up.

What you doing?

Waiting for you.

Does that mean
that you're actually ready to go?

Of course not. lt just means
that now it's your turn to wait for me.

What's this, Bren?

Oh, it's for the Blaze,
the special edition.

Like hell it is.

''As often as you read about girls
who become pregnant unintentionally,

you cannot imagine the feelings
until you believe

you are in the situation yourself.''

- You were gonna print that?
- l am going to print it.

l don't kiss and tell.

l don't talk about my conquests
in the locker room.

Dylan, l know you don't.

Look, l'm not saying anything
that's untrue or even embarrassing.

No, it's not embarrassing,

but it's very personal to me,
and you are not gonna print it.

Dylan, come on, l can just redo it.

lt's not as if l don't remember
what l wrote.

l wish you'd forget it.

Dylan, wait a second.
Are you leaving?

Are you gonna go ahead with this?

- Dylan...
- Good night, Bren.

Dylan, wait.

Dylan, wait.

Dylan.

Dylan, please come inside.

Look, l'm not gonna try
and change your mind

if it means that much to you.

Tell me why you're so upset.

l can't believe you.

Dylan, l was only writing that piece
because l think there's a need for it.

l was scared to death
when l thought l was pregnant.

lt would have helped me so much
to have known that

there was someone else out there
our age who'd been through it.

You wrote about something
very personal that l was involved in

for the whole school to read.
You didn't even ask me how l felt.

l'm sorry. l didn't see it that way.

You have good intentions, Bren,

but right now l need to keep
my private life very, very private.

l thought you knew that.

Dylan, l was writing about me,
about my feelings.

They're gonna know
who the guy is, Bren.

How many boyfriends
have you had at West Beverly?

One.

And l'd like to keep it that way.

Why don't you come back inside?

Smells good.

- ls that the perfume l gave you?
- Maybe. Maybe not.

- Hi, guys.
- Hey, Silver.

l'm gonna go talk to Andrea.

- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

Look, thanks for
the advice last night, man.

What advice?

Well, it wasn't so much what you said,
it was the way you didn't say it.

See, it really got me thinking.
lt's all a question of timing.

Like the song said,
you can't hurry love.

So we just gotta hang tight and wait
for the right moment to come along.

Or until l get my licence.

Hi. Great news.

My parents left for Aspen, so we can
watch the MTV special at my house.

Hi, Dylan. Bye, Dylan.

Bye, Donna.

Timing's everything.

Now, remember, this topic
can make people very nervous,

so after the show, don't be pushy
if someone's not interested.

l think that's probably
pretty obvious, John.

Andrea, l'm really sorry,

but l decided not to do my piece
on the pregnancy scare.

l hope it doesn't goof up
your special edition too much.

No, it's okay. l understand.

Look, Dylan just
didn't want me to and--

Look, you don't need to explain,
Brenda, okay?

l mean, l'm not even sure
that l'm going through with it anymore.

Okay, now, does anyone
have any questions about this stuff?

- Anything?
- l can't do this.

l can't walk up to a total stranger

and hand him
an information packet about sex.

Come on, Kelly, it's a public service.
lt's a good deed.

Doesn't anyone
wanna go shopping instead?

- Kelly.
- What? That's a good deed.

lt's helping the economy.

Look, why don't we stick
to AlDS education today

and retail tomorrow, okay?

Sorry, guys. Count me out.

Well, Dylan, glad you could make it.
Here's a little light reading for you.

All right, guys,
let's get on with it, huh?

l thought there'd be
some dirty pictures in there.

All right, who wants the box?
Good man.

After you.

You go ahead with Brandon,
l'll meet you guys later.

No, l'll wait for you.

l don't know if l'm gonna go.

l'm not feeling that well.

Do you need me to take you
to the nurse or something?

John...

John, just go, okay? l'll be fine.

You're not coming, are you?

Well, you and John
can handle this fine without me.

Come on, Andrea,
step on my foot,

give me a face rake, an eye gouge,
something, l don't know,

just stop making me feel
so guilty, okay?

Brandon, let me just clarify
something for you.

l'm the one whose feelings
were hurt here.

So l'm the hurter
and you're the hurtee, is that it?

Exactly.

You sure you don't wanna come?

Yeah. l'm tired
and a little burned out,

and if l never hear the word
''condom'' again, it will be too soon.

We could always
just use sign language.

Or not and say we did.

Go ahead, they're waiting for you.

Okay.

l'm sorry.

Yeah. See you.

l keep leaving my chemistry book
everywhere l go.

l think my subconscious
is trying to tell me something.

Andrea, what's the matter?
Why didn't you go with them?

l couldn't be that much
of a hypocrite.

l mean, who am l to
try to educate people

about safer sex when l've never...?

You're probably much better off.

Easy for you to say.
You could have any guy you want.

No, l can't.

Name one guy you ever wanted
who turned you down.

Brandon Walsh.

- Brandon?
- Yeah.

Last year at the spring dance,

he told me he thinks of me
like a sister.

You're still really stuck on him,
aren't you?

Yes.

Why is that?

Because we always want
what we can't have.

Well, at least you've had something.

Andrea, wait just a second.

When l was a freshman,
l threw myself at a senior,

who pushed me into a bush
and never talked to me again.

For the next year and a half,

l spent all my time trying
to live up to that reputation.

And now, even though l've changed,

l never know whether a guy
asks me out because he likes me

or because he thinks l'm easy.

l'm sorry, that's terrible.

So don't sit here
feeling sorry for yourself.

You're not missing out on anything
you can't do later on.

Me?

l can never go back.

Too bad we just can't meet
in the middle.

l think we already have.

John.

So okay?

John, what are you doing here?

- l decided not to go.
- Why?

Well, l've gone on these field trips
with my uncle and the group before

and, l don't know,
l wasn't up for it today.

l guess l just don't feel like
part of the gang.

- ls it Brandon?
- No, l like Brandon, everybody does.

lt's just the little comments here
and there, the in-jokes.

Without you, l guess l just feel like
an outsider, you know?

l sure do.

lt's like what l wrote in that essay:

''Just because you have four hooves

doesn't mean you have to
follow the herd.''

- What essay was that?
- The one you didn't wanna read.

ls that the one about feeling
like the last virgin on earth?

Yeah.

- You wrote that?
- Yeah.

Look, if l were to go to West Hollywood
to be with the others,

would you go with me?

Well, sure.

And if l wanted to go
to the movies afterwards,

would you take me?

l thought you'd never ask.

- Who's hungry?
- Me.

Okay, extra large,
half pepperoni, half cheese.

Oh, great.

- How much do l owe you?
- l got it.

No, come on.

No, you can get it next time.

Okay, fine. Thanks.

What's this?

l have other kinds
if you don't like that one.

Oh, you're such a kidder.

David.

You want one piece or two?

Maybe we should work up
an appetite first.

Wait. l'm beginning to think
you weren't kidding about...

Why would l be kidding?

lt's like you said, if you're in the pool,
you gotta swim.

Wait a second.
l'm over here on the chaise lounge.

What?

l don't intend to sleep with you.

Oh, it's too soon.

- l can see that.
- No.

l'm not gonna do that with anybody.

You mean ever?

Well, with my husband, of course.

l'm not entering a convent
or anything, for God's sake.

Wait, what about all that stuff
you said at the parents' meeting?

l just don't want kids
to get sick or worse

because their parents
have their heads in the sand.

l mean, AlDS is not the only
sexually transmitted disease.

- There's lots of others. For instance--
- l know, l know.

Look, l don't have
any of those, l swear.

l know, l believe you.

lt's just, right now, for me,
life is complicated enough

without getting involved
in a sexual relationship.

So l guess driving to Vegas
is out of the question.

l hope you're not too upset.

No, l'm not, really.

l'm actually kind of relieved.

So, what'll it be?
Pepperoni or cheese?

Pepperoni, definitely.

That's what l said.

Oh, Bren, l gotta go,
my mom just walked in.

Okay, bye.

Hey, you. What'd you
wanna talk to me about?

Kelly, l want you to promise me

that you will never,
ever have unprotected sex.

Not even once.

What are you talking about?
What is the matter?

l'm pregnant.