Beverly Hills, 90210 (1990–2000): Season 1, Episode 6 - Higher Education - full transcript
Close to failing history, Brandon (at Steve's persuasion) resorts to cheating from a copied term paper, which leads him to debate honesty vs. an unfair teacher, as well as his friendship with Andrea when she catches him cheating. Meanwhile, Brenda and Kelly both have the hots for Dylan, so Brenda tries dying her hair after he states his preference for blonds. But she comes out with ugly orange streaks.
Hey, Einstein, you got an order up.
Sorry, Nat.
Here you go.
Mr Danzel. Hi.
I'm in your American history class.
Brandon Walsh.
You know, this is wild.
I was just right over there,
- studying for the test tomorrow.
- Good luck.
Oh, I'm not too worried about it.
History's my favorite subject.
Fine.
Would you bring some horseradish?
Sure, no problem.
- Want to hear the strangest thing?
- What's that?
The guy over there in the corner
is one of my teachers.
Danzel?
- You know him?
- Yeah, he's a regular.
- Don't let him get to you, kid.
- Oh, he doesn't bother me.
I grade on a curve. 10% A's, 10% F's.
The remaining 80% get C's.
C for average, C for mediocrity,
C for just getting by.
God, who dresses him?
There'll be another quiz next Friday
and every Friday.
Thanks, Mr Danzel.
- Thanks.
- Love the tie. Yeah, great.
Yes, what is it?
Some of the people who made C's
only missed three or four questions.
Those who got A's
only missed one or two.
That's the difference between
the pursuit of excellence
and a morass of mediocrity.
History used to be my favorite subject.
Yeah, the guy gives new meaning
to the word hemorrhoid.
- What'd you get, Steve?
- What do you think?
Oh, I hate you.
- You got an A?
- Yeah.
Steve is such a brain
when it comes to history,
and a total sub-mental
in everything else.
Bye.
Hey, don't forget I need the story
on the swim team by Wednesday.
Hey, the swim team's fine.
I'm the one that's drowning.
Well, strap on a life preserver,
and get it to me before the meet
with Beverly Hills High.
Come on, Andrea.
I got three tests next week.
Welcome to West Beverly High.
It's easy for you to say,
you don't have a job.
You think running a paper is a picnic?
Well, you're just too good to be true,
aren't you?
Okay, I will give the swim team
to somebody else.
You know, you don't have to get
so nasty just 'cause you got a C.
Look, what are grades anyway?
I mean, they're just some weird,
arbitrary reference points
that can't measure
what a person really knows.
I've never gotten a C before in my life,
especially in history.
Well, maybe we could study
for the next quiz together.
If you want. It's no big deal.
I suppose you got an A?
What are grades, anyway? Bye.
What I would do
to go out with Dylan McKay.
I don't know,
everyone says he's trouble.
Well, he can trouble me all he wants.
- Hey, Dylan.
- Hey, Kelly.
Brenda and I were just talking.
What do you think guys like best
on girls, long or short hair?
That's a deep question.
Personally, I prefer blondes.
- Really?
- Really. Truly.
- So, you're Brandon's sister, huh?
- Yeah, I'm Brandon's sister.
Yeah, she's Brandon's sister.
Bye, girls.
- He's so weird.
- Yeah.
I've always had a thing for blondes.
- Mom, you scared me.
- Honey, you're beautiful.
- Not California beautiful.
- Brenda.
- Hey, hon. Hey, Bren.
- Hey, Dad.
- I've got to do something with my hair.
- What's wrong with your hair?
Everything.
Welcome home.
- Where's the other half?
- He's upstairs studying with Andrea.
Andrea?
Sorry about that.
So where were we?
The Cherokee Nation.
Right. Okay, who instigated
the Indian Removal Act,
- and what year was it put in service?
- Andrew Jackson. 1828.
- Wrong.
- What do you mean wrong?
I mean wrong.
The Georgia Legislature
confiscated the Cherokee land
when they found the gold.
- What are you yelling at me for?
- I'm not yelling at you.
It's just irritating how you always think
you're right.
I am right. Jackson was President.
He's the one who pushed the bill
through Congress,
he's the one
who's ultimately responsible.
- Knock, knock.
- Hey, Dad.
This is Andrea Zuckerman.
Andrea Zuckerman, this is my father.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- So, what you studying?
- American history.
Don't worry.
That's Brandon's best subject.
- Nice to meet you.
- You, too.
This is impossible.
There's too much to cover.
Look, it's not that difficult, Brandon.
Just memorize
when the Great Migration took place.
- Why do you say it like that?
- Say what like what?
"It's not that difficult, Brandon."
You act like I have a learning disability
or something.
I'm sorry.
I didn't realize you were so sensitive.
It's not me.
You're the one who's so
condescending and businesslike.
It drives me up the wall.
- Good luck, Brandon.
- Where are you going?
- This obviously isn't working out.
- You're right.
Fine. It was a bad idea. I'll walk you out.
Oh no, I can find the door, Brandon.
Us "businesslike" types
are real good at things like that.
Way to go, Romeo.
- Hey, where you going?
- Down the tubes.
Another victim
of the Danzel curve, huh?
- Did you get another A?
- Yeah.
God, my dad's going to kill me, man.
Just tell him Danzel gets his kicks
out of ruining people's GPA.
It doesn't work with him. He graduated
Phi Beta Kappa,
summa cum, something.
Never lets anyone forget it.
Maybe I can help you out.
We'll form a study group.
For some reason,
this doesn't seem like studying.
It's all the same to me, Brandon.
- Nice house, man.
- This is nothing.
You should have seen where I used
to live before my parents got divorced.
- When was that?
- Which time?
- They divorced each other twice?
- Oh, amongst other things.
There've been
other marriages mixed in,
other kids, other houses, you know.
- What, your parents are still together?
- Yeah.
Well, look, it's not your fault.
You've got to stop blaming yourself.
All right, anyway,
what method did the government use
to undermine the tribal structure?
- He's not gonna ask that.
- Land allotment.
The government detribalized everything
by giving every Indian
a little piece of land.
Hey, you wanna go
to the Laker-Piston game next week?
- You can get tickets?
- Well, yeah.
My father gave me season tickets
for my birthday.
All I got was a steak dinner
and a couple of striped shirts.
Oh, I get great presents
ever since my dad moved out.
You know, if I can keep my average
where it is now, I'll be a Trojan.
My father's on the board at SC.
Well, with your grades, you shouldn't
have any trouble getting in.
You're a good guy, Brandon.
I don't say that to many people.
In fact, I don't say that to anybody.
Well, you're a good guy, too, Steve.
Okay, name the five tribes that made up
the Confederacy
whose primary aim
was universal, perpetual peace.
The Confederacy? I...
I don't think we covered that.
Memorize it, Brandon. Trust me.
It's exactly the kind of question
the hemorrhoid likes to ask.
Name the five tribes that made up
the Confederacy
whose primary aim
was universal, perpetual peace.
Amazing how we happened to study
for every single question on the test.
- Isn't that the point?
- You stole the test, didn't you?
- Right. I happen to be smart, Brandon.
- I know, but you couldn't possibly...
Look, relax.
It's supposed to feel good to ace a test.
You believe that quiz?
As if he ever mentioned which tribes
belonged to the Iroquois Confederacy.
Mohawks, the Senecas, the Oneidas,
Cayugas, and Onondagas.
Come on, Steve.
I need you to be honest with me, man.
- You stole a copy of the test, didn't you?
- You knew what I was doing.
- No, but in the hall you said that you...
- What was I gonna do?
Make an announcement on KWBH?
"Hi, everybody, this is Steve Sanders.
"I confess I stole the test."
Man, you should be thanking me.
I can get expelled for having this.
This is next week's quiz!
Actually, it's a copy of next week's quiz.
The original's still tucked away
in Danzel's desk.
- How did you get this?
- Bribery, larceny, grand theft,
your basic tools of the trade.
But don't worry.
We're not gonna get caught.
- Yeah, that's what every criminal says.
- Come on, it's a quiz!
- This doesn't bother you at all, does it?
- It's your decision,
but I'm not gonna let some fossil
in a leisure suit ruin my GPA.
- It's just a quiz, right?
- Right.
And just another A on the Danzel curve.
Brenda, I'm sorry,
but that is not a hairdo,
that's a hair-don't.
Stop it, Kelly,
you're making her hairophobic.
You know, she's right. I hate it.
The color, the cut, the everything.
So, change it.
It's not like there's some law
that says you have to keep the things
you don't like.
Brenda, my mom goes to this great guy.
He barely speaks English,
has a pony tail
and this really hairy chest.
Oh, and he does Madonna.
Get real, Donna.
You'll never get her in there.
Go to Troy Russo on Rodeo.
He'll do anybody.
And he's real New Age.
He cuts hair intuitively.
- Well, how much does he cost?
- Color and cut, 300 bucks.
I can't afford that.
Oh, how embarrassing.
I'm wearing both contacts
on the same eye!
And you thought you had problems.
Nat, Danzel just walked in.
He's sitting in my section,
I really don't wanna deal with him.
Brandon, you can't keep running away
from the guy.
Why not?
Because he's a paying customer.
Here's your dinner, Mr Danzel,
and your horseradish.
How are you this evening, Mr Walsh?
Fine, just fine.
- You did quite well on last Friday's quiz.
- Really?
Can I have another drop?
Sure, no problem.
Those of you who find
the Danzel curve unfair
may be encouraged by
the resurrection of Brandon Walsh.
Not only did he get an A,
he is the only one of you philistines
who didn't miss a single question.
Way to go, Brandon.
Absolutely. Kudos are in order.
Looks like I should be the one
asking you to help me study.
- I aced one test. Big deal.
- It is a big deal.
You completely loused up the curve.
- Why? What'd you get?
- A "C".
Ouch.
Yeah, well, it's goodbye Yale.
Hello, West Beverly Junior College.
Anyway, I was thinking
maybe we could try
studying together again.
I don't know.
Look, I know things got
kind of competitive last time,
but there's so much to cover.
Andrea, I just don't think
it's a really good idea right now.
I'm sorry.
If you can change you hair,
you can change your life.
Spending $300 to change something
which is already beautiful and healthy,
it's just insane.
Well, then I guess every girl
at West Beverly is insane.
Well, if they're spending hundreds
on haircuts, they sure are.
Who said anything
about a haircut, Mom?
I'm talking about a perm or extensions
or maybe even a great weave.
- Don't you dare.
- Why not?
Honey, the people that do
those things to themselves
just want to look the way you already do.
- In other words, I have to stay boring.
- For $300, yes.
I'm sorry, but you do.
Hey.
- So, genius, how'd it go today?
- Pretty good.
I got an A on my history quiz.
This is no ordinary A, Mother.
This is a monumental achievement.
- Bren.
- Brandon, don't be so modest.
- Danzel's a total Nazi.
- Nice work, kiddo.
- It was just a quiz. It's no big deal.
- What's no big deal?
- Brandon got an A on his history quiz.
- Hey, that's great.
- Not that I'm surprised.
- Thanks.
I told you that C was an aberration.
It's just taking him a little extra time
to get adjusted,
but Brandon has always been
a terrific student,
and he's going to make the honor roll
even if I have to take his tests for him.
Oh, stop.
Hi.
Don't tell me, another Danzel special.
I hate that guy.
Does everyone hate Danzel
as much as you do?
It's unanimous.
So, who else is in this class, anyway?
I don't know,
Andrea, Donna, Steve Sanders...
- Dylan McKay?
- No, he's too smart to take this class.
Or too busy chasing blondes.
What are you talking about?
I just don't understand why every
guy's dream girl has to have hair
like Daryl Hannah
and a body like Kim Basinger.
- Bren! I'm trying to study here.
- Well, excuse me for living.
Here, don't spend it all in one place
or on one face.
Thanks, Nat.
- Hey, hey, are you okay, kid?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
I'll see you later.
Well, Brandon, I was hoping
you would be waiting on me tonight.
No, I don't work on Mondays.
Oh, that's good. Gives you
more time to study, that's good.
Yeah, well, I gotta go.
You have no idea how it makes me feel
when one of my students
turns his studies around. You obviously
worked very hard to improve.
- Mr Danzel, can I be honest with you?
- Yes.
When I was making C's in your class,
you didn't have the time of day for me.
But now that I'm making A's,
you're very friendly and interested.
Why is that?
I didn't know you
when you were making C's.
- Exactly. You never made the effort.
- I have five classes a day...
And no one's learning anything
in any of them.
Anyone can memorize a bunch of facts,
but that doesn't mean
- they're learning anything.
- Memorization lays the foundation
for a college education where the ideas
can be more fully examined.
By who? A bunch of students
who've never been challenged to think?
Who've been told they're average
because some unfair curve
screws them around?
Now, you listen to me, young man...
No, I can't stand here and listen to you
pat yourself on the back.
The way you teach and give grades
is unfair.
It alienates everybody and makes...
It just doesn't work.
Is there a problem, Mr Walsh?
No, no, no problem.
Come on, Andrea,
will you let me explain?
No, you don't have to explain anything.
I mean, who needs a study partner
when they can cheat all by themselves?
- Would you lower your voice?
- Better yet,
how about we don't say anything at all?
Come on, it's not like I do it all the time.
Right. That's why you didn't miss
one question on last week's quiz.
Hey, I'm not gonna let Danzel
screw up my GPA!
Oh, yeah, but you will let him
sing your praises
- and give you a standing ovation.
- Andrea, that's not fair.
No, I don't want to talk to you, all right?
As far as I'm concerned
you're a total hypocrite,
and you're just lucky I didn't turn you in.
You are the one person around here...
Excuse me.
So, Joshua, how's that story
on the swim team coming?
- Congratulations.
- For what?
I heard you aced Danzel's quiz.
Was it on the Nightly News
or something?
No, Ripley's Believe It or Not.
I wouldn't mind believing the same thing
about you, little Miss Ripley.
Hey, I don't have Danzel's class.
Thank God.
- Well, I think it's great.
- We hear you, dear.
I can't be proud of my son?
I think it's terrific
the way he's working so hard
doing so well.
Could we possibly talk
about something other than grades
and working hard, huh?
I think this is great. We never discuss
anything at my house.
Count your blessings.
I'm not saying anything
is fundamentally wrong with him,
but for a kid who's finally getting A's,
he doesn't seem very proud of himself.
That's okay.
You're proud enough for him.
As if you're just a passive observer
in all this.
Well, obviously, I like it
when the kids make the honor roll,
- but grades aren't everything.
- Who said they were?
All I'm saying is that
with this particular history class,
Brandon doesn't need us
to put any additional pressure on him.
Point noted and taken.
Brenda, I told you,
mixing the two colors together
is what brings out the highlights.
- My mother is going to kill me.
- Why?
She's the one who needs to do
something with her hair.
Brenda, she does.
Now, it is good that we got the ash tint,
because that keeps out
the red highlights.
Or it puts them in.
- Doesn't matter.
- What do you mean, it doesn't matter?
Brenda, relax, okay?
Meditate or something.
I told you, I know what I'm doing.
Now, this process takes all night,
but when you wake up in the morning,
you are gonna be a brand new woman.
A brand new woman.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
- What happened?
- I colored my hair.
- What am I gonna do?
- Move.
Move to some other city
where nobody knows you.
You can start all over again.
I'll go with you.
We'll dye my hair, too,
and we'll join the circus.
You know, I thought it looked weird
last night,
but Kelly swore the color
would tone down by morning.
Come on, come on, it's not that bad.
Just pretend it's cool, or punk,
or something.
It is something.
It's hideous and I hate it.
Then why'd you dye it?
'Cause I thought
it would make things different.
It has, Brenda. Believe me.
No, it hasn't.
I'm still the exact same person inside.
Only now I look worse.
- Good morning.
- Morning.
Oh, you've got enough books here
to start a library.
- How's the studying going?
- Chill, Dad.
- I'm supposed to chill.
- I second that.
Brenda!
Kind of cool, huh, guys?
Give it time. It'll grow on you.
It'll grow.
Did you see the way she looked at me?
Okay, okay, maybe she was
a little shocked at first,
but Dad calmed her down.
And to tell you the truth,
it's really not that bad.
- Should I wear the hat?
- I would.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Brandon.
Earth to Walsh.
- What is wrong with you?
- Jacob Danzel, American history.
- Oh, yes. I had him last year.
- You did?
- Yeah, some wardrobe, huh?
- Some teacher.
All he cares about is his holy curve.
- Yeah, well, he's retiring this year.
- He is?
He's supposed to keep it quiet, though.
He doesn't want everybody
making a big deal.
I'll tell you what,
if Danzel announces retirement,
it wouldn't be a big deal.
It'd be a national holiday.
- I learned a lot from him, personally.
- All I'm learning is how to cheat.
Watch out, man,
you're flirting with bad karma.
Hey, what kind of marks did you get?
- Does it matter?
- Yeah.
Be careful.
Brenda!
We've been looking all over for you.
- Cute hat.
- I was in a hat mood.
Show us your hair, silly.
Brenda! It's...
It's...
Brenda, I love it, it's great. I really do.
You don't think it's...
- No.
- No.
It's...
- See you.
- Bye.
Hey, Brandon!
I saw you dodging me earlier.
What's going on?
Look, I just feel kind of weird
about this whole Danzel thing.
- Will you lighten up, Brandon?
- Doesn't it make you feel guilty?
Guilty as charged.
- What's this?
- Christmas and summer rolled into one.
- Steve, I don't want to touch this.
- Are you crazy?
Look at the questions.
You could study for two weeks
and still not come up with half this stuff.
- I gotta go.
- Hey, you cheated on the last quiz.
That was a quiz. This is the mid-term.
It's your future.
Hey, Andrea.
- Come on, I gotta talk to you.
- There's nothing to talk about.
- God, you are so judgmental.
- Yeah, you're damn right I am!
I got a C because you cheated.
I didn't deserve that!
- Talk to Danzel, it's his curve!
- I'm talking to you
because it's your fault.
In 1850, there were around
120,000 Indians in California.
How many were still alive by 1880,
Mr Walsh?
- Only 20,000.
- That's correct.
Now tell me, Mr Walsh,
what contributed to this rapid decline?
- Well, the white man killed them off.
- Well, everybody knows that, Mr Walsh.
I'm asking
what was the principle cause?
Come on, Mr Walsh,
surely you dug deeper
in order to understand the broader
historical context of this question.
You don't think it's important to know
that the white man confiscated
the Indians' land, took their homes,
caused them to seek refuge
in remote, barren locales
where health could not
possibly be sustained?
- Sure, it's important to know that.
- Then why don't you?
- Tell us what happened to the others.
- The other Indians?
No. No, the other space aliens.
Yes, the Indians. That's what
we've been studying, remember?
Yes?
The other Indians were imprisoned
on the so-called reservations
where they were forced to live
by the white man's rules.
Thank you, Miss Zuckerman.
Mr Walsh told me the other day
that he resented
the memorization required in this class,
that he wanted to be
challenged to think.
Mr Walsh, I have just challenged you.
And where did it get us?
Is it my fault that you chose
only to memorize the facts
and didn't take the time to think?
Mid-term on Monday, class.
I suggest you start studying
and thinking.
You can take your hat off in the house.
Is that supposed to make me feel bad
or good?
- I begged you not to touch your hair.
- Mother...
- Didn't I?
- Look, you just don't understand.
Yes, I do. Honey, honey.
Don't you think I know
what you're going through?
The summer that I turned 17,
all I heard on the radio
was how they wished
we could all be California girls.
So you know what Paula and I did?
We ironed our hair
right on the ironing board.
I mean, Paula's hair caught fire
and she singed off all her split ends,
then she put an entire bottle of peroxide
over her head.
Is the moral of this story
that it'll grow back?
Oh, Brenda,
don't you know how beautiful you are?
- Brandon.
- Steve.
Man, I can't believe the way that jerk
Danzel treated you in class today.
- Everybody was talking about it.
- Yeah, it was real special.
Who does he think he is?
If he treated me like that...
Steve, what are you doing here?
I don't know.
The way you were talking
in the hall today,
I got worried that you might bust me.
Hey, come on, Steve, I wouldn't do that.
Yeah, I know we're friends.
It's just I want you to be
in on this with me.
- It's just not right.
- Compared to what?
Failing the class, Brandon?
Everybody cheats.
Everybody bends the rules.
You either take advantage of it
or you get left behind.
Brandon, excuse me.
I'm curious, do you still work here?
Yeah. Steve, I've got to jam.
Brandon, what's your father gonna say
if you come home with a C?
Or an F?
Someday, when you're
sitting behind a big desk
in a big office with a big view,
you'll thank me for this.
- See you, Nat.
- See you, kid.
Hey, Brandon,
you're doing a real nice job, you know.
Thanks, Nat.
Got a flat tire, huh?
How very observant of you.
I wish the Auto Club was as attentive.
- Did someone let the air out of it?
- You've been inside all evening.
You don't know how to fix a flat, huh?
There are some things I would
much rather pay somebody else to do.
If you can find someone.
And you know how to do it?
So, I heard you're retiring this year.
Well, there comes a time
when one must move on.
I know you don't consider me
to be a particularly effective teacher,
but there are those
who feel I do a good job.
Well, I didn't mean...
Now don't insult my intelligence,
Mr Walsh.
I know the kids don't like me.
I hear the comments,
I hear the constant complaining,
the jokes about my clothes.
I am not deaf yet.
But those same students,
they may not like me,
but they will remember my class,
and they will remember
what they learned.
The truth is,
I'm not terribly impressed
with a lot of my clothes myself.
My wife picked them all out for me.
She was ill.
She knew I didn't have the patience
to shop for myself.
She was bound and determined
that I would have enough clothes
to wear...
They're the one thing I've got
to help me remember.
Good grief, I...
As much as I hate to admit it,
I probably could change a tire
if I had to.
Well,
there'll be a quiz on Monday.
You dropped this.
Oh, did I? Thanks.
How much do I owe you?
It's no problem. Really.
Well, see you in class Monday.
Good luck with the mid-term.
Thanks.
What're you doing?
You never cheated on anything,
have you?
I'm trying to study.
- No, I've never cheated on anything.
- But you've wanted to, haven't you?
- I don't see what that has...
- Haven't you?
Of course I have. Who hasn't?
The point is, I didn't and you did.
And you're never going to let me
forget it, are you?
Cheating is wrong, Brandon.
What do you want me to say?
Nothing.
You know, sometimes you act
like you have a personal stake
in everything I do.
Like we're a couple or something.
Yeah, right.
But you see everything only as
black and white,
right or wrong.
But what I did in Danzel's class
was not a black-and-white issue.
- It was a grey area.
- Oh, so by calling it a grey area,
- does that make you feel less guilty?
- No.
You probably don't believe it,
but I feel plenty guilty already.
What I was hoping for from you
was maybe a little understanding,
maybe a little support.
Thanks, Andrea.
Thanks for nothing.
- Brandon.
- I got to study.
Bran...
Brenda, you don't need the hat.
You're right.
Do we have any paper bags?
Oh, stop.
Mom, this is not funny.
Honey, I didn't say it was funny.
I thought you were making a joke.
Trust me, Mom.
My hair is no joking matter.
You've got to be able
to laugh at yourself sometimes,
otherwise you just make
yourself miserable.
- Have a nice jog.
- Thanks.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I thought that was you,
but didn't your hair used to be
a little different?
Yes. No. Well, maybe just a little bit.
I hate this color,
if that's what you can call it.
It's not that bad.
- If one more person says that...
- It's not that bad!
Don't all you guys out here
have a thing for blondes?
I mean, that's what you told Kelly.
Blondes, brunettes, redheads,
girls in tank tops.
But, if you really hate that color,
I have a friend who does hair,
and he owes me a favor.
Oh, I don't really hate the color.
But maybe we should still go see him
for a second opinion or something,
don't you think?
No problem.
I like your butt.
I mean, your bike.
Oh, well, thank you. Hop on.
My bike, that is.
Have you been at the library
all this time?
Mostly, yeah.
Working, thinking, you know.
At the very least, you get an A for effort.
- Well, I expect to get an A on the test.
- That's what I like to hear.
- But if you don't it'll be okay.
- Will it?
Well, of course, it will.
I mean, that's what you guys say,
but that's not what you really think.
If I get a C from Danzel,
or I end up at Outer Swobobia State,
you guys would be disappointed in me,
you'd be angry with me, right?
- Come on, Dad, tell me the truth.
- The truth?
Yeah, tell me what you want.
What I want in regards to your life
and to your future,
is to see you smile again.
Well, look at you.
Yeah, back to basics.
At least we don't have to join
the circus anymore.
- It looks different than before.
- Dylan says it looks incandescent.
- My friend Dylan?
- My friend Dylan.
- Hey, there.
- Hi.
- Brandon...
- Andrea...
Look, I'm not in the best of moods.
I was up all night studying.
- I was, too.
- What, making cheat notes?
It crossed my mind.
But if I cheated, I might screw up
the curve for this friend of mine,
who I care about and respect
more than she knows.
Even if she can be a royal pain.
I have a friend who's one of those.
Well, maybe we should introduce them.
They'd probably get along just great.
I doubt it.
- So, are you prepared?
- Yeah, I am.
I tore up my copy of the test.
That's smart. Burn the evidence.
It's safer that way.
Steve, I couldn't bring myself
to look at it.
Man, you are hopeless.
What if you flunk the test?
I won't.
Now before we start the test,
I would like you to listen
to my instructions very carefully.
Turn the test over,
look at it very closely.
Now tear it up.
That's right. You heard me. Tear it up.
Go on, tear it up.
That's right. Very good, very good.
Now, as far as your mid-term goes,
instead of the test,
which you have just destroyed,
I would like to know what you think.
Your mid-term consists
of one essay question.
Using examples from history
to contrast with your answer,
what do you think our government
should have done in the 19th century
to save the American Indian?
That was a hard question,
but a good hard question.
I guess that depends
on what you studied for.
I've been giving that same mid-term
for 15 years.
Some students might even have gotten
hold of a copy of it by now, you think?
Yeah, but some students
who may have had a copy of it,
might have chosen not to study from it
- after they thought about it.
- That's what I was thinking.
It's too bad you're retiring this year.
The semester isn't over yet.
If you think the American Indian
was difficult,
wait till we get to the Civil War.
Nice suit, by the way.
- It is quite hideous, isn't it?
- Yeah,
but you wear it well.
Sorry, Nat.
Here you go.
Mr Danzel. Hi.
I'm in your American history class.
Brandon Walsh.
You know, this is wild.
I was just right over there,
- studying for the test tomorrow.
- Good luck.
Oh, I'm not too worried about it.
History's my favorite subject.
Fine.
Would you bring some horseradish?
Sure, no problem.
- Want to hear the strangest thing?
- What's that?
The guy over there in the corner
is one of my teachers.
Danzel?
- You know him?
- Yeah, he's a regular.
- Don't let him get to you, kid.
- Oh, he doesn't bother me.
I grade on a curve. 10% A's, 10% F's.
The remaining 80% get C's.
C for average, C for mediocrity,
C for just getting by.
God, who dresses him?
There'll be another quiz next Friday
and every Friday.
Thanks, Mr Danzel.
- Thanks.
- Love the tie. Yeah, great.
Yes, what is it?
Some of the people who made C's
only missed three or four questions.
Those who got A's
only missed one or two.
That's the difference between
the pursuit of excellence
and a morass of mediocrity.
History used to be my favorite subject.
Yeah, the guy gives new meaning
to the word hemorrhoid.
- What'd you get, Steve?
- What do you think?
Oh, I hate you.
- You got an A?
- Yeah.
Steve is such a brain
when it comes to history,
and a total sub-mental
in everything else.
Bye.
Hey, don't forget I need the story
on the swim team by Wednesday.
Hey, the swim team's fine.
I'm the one that's drowning.
Well, strap on a life preserver,
and get it to me before the meet
with Beverly Hills High.
Come on, Andrea.
I got three tests next week.
Welcome to West Beverly High.
It's easy for you to say,
you don't have a job.
You think running a paper is a picnic?
Well, you're just too good to be true,
aren't you?
Okay, I will give the swim team
to somebody else.
You know, you don't have to get
so nasty just 'cause you got a C.
Look, what are grades anyway?
I mean, they're just some weird,
arbitrary reference points
that can't measure
what a person really knows.
I've never gotten a C before in my life,
especially in history.
Well, maybe we could study
for the next quiz together.
If you want. It's no big deal.
I suppose you got an A?
What are grades, anyway? Bye.
What I would do
to go out with Dylan McKay.
I don't know,
everyone says he's trouble.
Well, he can trouble me all he wants.
- Hey, Dylan.
- Hey, Kelly.
Brenda and I were just talking.
What do you think guys like best
on girls, long or short hair?
That's a deep question.
Personally, I prefer blondes.
- Really?
- Really. Truly.
- So, you're Brandon's sister, huh?
- Yeah, I'm Brandon's sister.
Yeah, she's Brandon's sister.
Bye, girls.
- He's so weird.
- Yeah.
I've always had a thing for blondes.
- Mom, you scared me.
- Honey, you're beautiful.
- Not California beautiful.
- Brenda.
- Hey, hon. Hey, Bren.
- Hey, Dad.
- I've got to do something with my hair.
- What's wrong with your hair?
Everything.
Welcome home.
- Where's the other half?
- He's upstairs studying with Andrea.
Andrea?
Sorry about that.
So where were we?
The Cherokee Nation.
Right. Okay, who instigated
the Indian Removal Act,
- and what year was it put in service?
- Andrew Jackson. 1828.
- Wrong.
- What do you mean wrong?
I mean wrong.
The Georgia Legislature
confiscated the Cherokee land
when they found the gold.
- What are you yelling at me for?
- I'm not yelling at you.
It's just irritating how you always think
you're right.
I am right. Jackson was President.
He's the one who pushed the bill
through Congress,
he's the one
who's ultimately responsible.
- Knock, knock.
- Hey, Dad.
This is Andrea Zuckerman.
Andrea Zuckerman, this is my father.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- So, what you studying?
- American history.
Don't worry.
That's Brandon's best subject.
- Nice to meet you.
- You, too.
This is impossible.
There's too much to cover.
Look, it's not that difficult, Brandon.
Just memorize
when the Great Migration took place.
- Why do you say it like that?
- Say what like what?
"It's not that difficult, Brandon."
You act like I have a learning disability
or something.
I'm sorry.
I didn't realize you were so sensitive.
It's not me.
You're the one who's so
condescending and businesslike.
It drives me up the wall.
- Good luck, Brandon.
- Where are you going?
- This obviously isn't working out.
- You're right.
Fine. It was a bad idea. I'll walk you out.
Oh no, I can find the door, Brandon.
Us "businesslike" types
are real good at things like that.
Way to go, Romeo.
- Hey, where you going?
- Down the tubes.
Another victim
of the Danzel curve, huh?
- Did you get another A?
- Yeah.
God, my dad's going to kill me, man.
Just tell him Danzel gets his kicks
out of ruining people's GPA.
It doesn't work with him. He graduated
Phi Beta Kappa,
summa cum, something.
Never lets anyone forget it.
Maybe I can help you out.
We'll form a study group.
For some reason,
this doesn't seem like studying.
It's all the same to me, Brandon.
- Nice house, man.
- This is nothing.
You should have seen where I used
to live before my parents got divorced.
- When was that?
- Which time?
- They divorced each other twice?
- Oh, amongst other things.
There've been
other marriages mixed in,
other kids, other houses, you know.
- What, your parents are still together?
- Yeah.
Well, look, it's not your fault.
You've got to stop blaming yourself.
All right, anyway,
what method did the government use
to undermine the tribal structure?
- He's not gonna ask that.
- Land allotment.
The government detribalized everything
by giving every Indian
a little piece of land.
Hey, you wanna go
to the Laker-Piston game next week?
- You can get tickets?
- Well, yeah.
My father gave me season tickets
for my birthday.
All I got was a steak dinner
and a couple of striped shirts.
Oh, I get great presents
ever since my dad moved out.
You know, if I can keep my average
where it is now, I'll be a Trojan.
My father's on the board at SC.
Well, with your grades, you shouldn't
have any trouble getting in.
You're a good guy, Brandon.
I don't say that to many people.
In fact, I don't say that to anybody.
Well, you're a good guy, too, Steve.
Okay, name the five tribes that made up
the Confederacy
whose primary aim
was universal, perpetual peace.
The Confederacy? I...
I don't think we covered that.
Memorize it, Brandon. Trust me.
It's exactly the kind of question
the hemorrhoid likes to ask.
Name the five tribes that made up
the Confederacy
whose primary aim
was universal, perpetual peace.
Amazing how we happened to study
for every single question on the test.
- Isn't that the point?
- You stole the test, didn't you?
- Right. I happen to be smart, Brandon.
- I know, but you couldn't possibly...
Look, relax.
It's supposed to feel good to ace a test.
You believe that quiz?
As if he ever mentioned which tribes
belonged to the Iroquois Confederacy.
Mohawks, the Senecas, the Oneidas,
Cayugas, and Onondagas.
Come on, Steve.
I need you to be honest with me, man.
- You stole a copy of the test, didn't you?
- You knew what I was doing.
- No, but in the hall you said that you...
- What was I gonna do?
Make an announcement on KWBH?
"Hi, everybody, this is Steve Sanders.
"I confess I stole the test."
Man, you should be thanking me.
I can get expelled for having this.
This is next week's quiz!
Actually, it's a copy of next week's quiz.
The original's still tucked away
in Danzel's desk.
- How did you get this?
- Bribery, larceny, grand theft,
your basic tools of the trade.
But don't worry.
We're not gonna get caught.
- Yeah, that's what every criminal says.
- Come on, it's a quiz!
- This doesn't bother you at all, does it?
- It's your decision,
but I'm not gonna let some fossil
in a leisure suit ruin my GPA.
- It's just a quiz, right?
- Right.
And just another A on the Danzel curve.
Brenda, I'm sorry,
but that is not a hairdo,
that's a hair-don't.
Stop it, Kelly,
you're making her hairophobic.
You know, she's right. I hate it.
The color, the cut, the everything.
So, change it.
It's not like there's some law
that says you have to keep the things
you don't like.
Brenda, my mom goes to this great guy.
He barely speaks English,
has a pony tail
and this really hairy chest.
Oh, and he does Madonna.
Get real, Donna.
You'll never get her in there.
Go to Troy Russo on Rodeo.
He'll do anybody.
And he's real New Age.
He cuts hair intuitively.
- Well, how much does he cost?
- Color and cut, 300 bucks.
I can't afford that.
Oh, how embarrassing.
I'm wearing both contacts
on the same eye!
And you thought you had problems.
Nat, Danzel just walked in.
He's sitting in my section,
I really don't wanna deal with him.
Brandon, you can't keep running away
from the guy.
Why not?
Because he's a paying customer.
Here's your dinner, Mr Danzel,
and your horseradish.
How are you this evening, Mr Walsh?
Fine, just fine.
- You did quite well on last Friday's quiz.
- Really?
Can I have another drop?
Sure, no problem.
Those of you who find
the Danzel curve unfair
may be encouraged by
the resurrection of Brandon Walsh.
Not only did he get an A,
he is the only one of you philistines
who didn't miss a single question.
Way to go, Brandon.
Absolutely. Kudos are in order.
Looks like I should be the one
asking you to help me study.
- I aced one test. Big deal.
- It is a big deal.
You completely loused up the curve.
- Why? What'd you get?
- A "C".
Ouch.
Yeah, well, it's goodbye Yale.
Hello, West Beverly Junior College.
Anyway, I was thinking
maybe we could try
studying together again.
I don't know.
Look, I know things got
kind of competitive last time,
but there's so much to cover.
Andrea, I just don't think
it's a really good idea right now.
I'm sorry.
If you can change you hair,
you can change your life.
Spending $300 to change something
which is already beautiful and healthy,
it's just insane.
Well, then I guess every girl
at West Beverly is insane.
Well, if they're spending hundreds
on haircuts, they sure are.
Who said anything
about a haircut, Mom?
I'm talking about a perm or extensions
or maybe even a great weave.
- Don't you dare.
- Why not?
Honey, the people that do
those things to themselves
just want to look the way you already do.
- In other words, I have to stay boring.
- For $300, yes.
I'm sorry, but you do.
Hey.
- So, genius, how'd it go today?
- Pretty good.
I got an A on my history quiz.
This is no ordinary A, Mother.
This is a monumental achievement.
- Bren.
- Brandon, don't be so modest.
- Danzel's a total Nazi.
- Nice work, kiddo.
- It was just a quiz. It's no big deal.
- What's no big deal?
- Brandon got an A on his history quiz.
- Hey, that's great.
- Not that I'm surprised.
- Thanks.
I told you that C was an aberration.
It's just taking him a little extra time
to get adjusted,
but Brandon has always been
a terrific student,
and he's going to make the honor roll
even if I have to take his tests for him.
Oh, stop.
Hi.
Don't tell me, another Danzel special.
I hate that guy.
Does everyone hate Danzel
as much as you do?
It's unanimous.
So, who else is in this class, anyway?
I don't know,
Andrea, Donna, Steve Sanders...
- Dylan McKay?
- No, he's too smart to take this class.
Or too busy chasing blondes.
What are you talking about?
I just don't understand why every
guy's dream girl has to have hair
like Daryl Hannah
and a body like Kim Basinger.
- Bren! I'm trying to study here.
- Well, excuse me for living.
Here, don't spend it all in one place
or on one face.
Thanks, Nat.
- Hey, hey, are you okay, kid?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
I'll see you later.
Well, Brandon, I was hoping
you would be waiting on me tonight.
No, I don't work on Mondays.
Oh, that's good. Gives you
more time to study, that's good.
Yeah, well, I gotta go.
You have no idea how it makes me feel
when one of my students
turns his studies around. You obviously
worked very hard to improve.
- Mr Danzel, can I be honest with you?
- Yes.
When I was making C's in your class,
you didn't have the time of day for me.
But now that I'm making A's,
you're very friendly and interested.
Why is that?
I didn't know you
when you were making C's.
- Exactly. You never made the effort.
- I have five classes a day...
And no one's learning anything
in any of them.
Anyone can memorize a bunch of facts,
but that doesn't mean
- they're learning anything.
- Memorization lays the foundation
for a college education where the ideas
can be more fully examined.
By who? A bunch of students
who've never been challenged to think?
Who've been told they're average
because some unfair curve
screws them around?
Now, you listen to me, young man...
No, I can't stand here and listen to you
pat yourself on the back.
The way you teach and give grades
is unfair.
It alienates everybody and makes...
It just doesn't work.
Is there a problem, Mr Walsh?
No, no, no problem.
Come on, Andrea,
will you let me explain?
No, you don't have to explain anything.
I mean, who needs a study partner
when they can cheat all by themselves?
- Would you lower your voice?
- Better yet,
how about we don't say anything at all?
Come on, it's not like I do it all the time.
Right. That's why you didn't miss
one question on last week's quiz.
Hey, I'm not gonna let Danzel
screw up my GPA!
Oh, yeah, but you will let him
sing your praises
- and give you a standing ovation.
- Andrea, that's not fair.
No, I don't want to talk to you, all right?
As far as I'm concerned
you're a total hypocrite,
and you're just lucky I didn't turn you in.
You are the one person around here...
Excuse me.
So, Joshua, how's that story
on the swim team coming?
- Congratulations.
- For what?
I heard you aced Danzel's quiz.
Was it on the Nightly News
or something?
No, Ripley's Believe It or Not.
I wouldn't mind believing the same thing
about you, little Miss Ripley.
Hey, I don't have Danzel's class.
Thank God.
- Well, I think it's great.
- We hear you, dear.
I can't be proud of my son?
I think it's terrific
the way he's working so hard
doing so well.
Could we possibly talk
about something other than grades
and working hard, huh?
I think this is great. We never discuss
anything at my house.
Count your blessings.
I'm not saying anything
is fundamentally wrong with him,
but for a kid who's finally getting A's,
he doesn't seem very proud of himself.
That's okay.
You're proud enough for him.
As if you're just a passive observer
in all this.
Well, obviously, I like it
when the kids make the honor roll,
- but grades aren't everything.
- Who said they were?
All I'm saying is that
with this particular history class,
Brandon doesn't need us
to put any additional pressure on him.
Point noted and taken.
Brenda, I told you,
mixing the two colors together
is what brings out the highlights.
- My mother is going to kill me.
- Why?
She's the one who needs to do
something with her hair.
Brenda, she does.
Now, it is good that we got the ash tint,
because that keeps out
the red highlights.
Or it puts them in.
- Doesn't matter.
- What do you mean, it doesn't matter?
Brenda, relax, okay?
Meditate or something.
I told you, I know what I'm doing.
Now, this process takes all night,
but when you wake up in the morning,
you are gonna be a brand new woman.
A brand new woman.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
- What happened?
- I colored my hair.
- What am I gonna do?
- Move.
Move to some other city
where nobody knows you.
You can start all over again.
I'll go with you.
We'll dye my hair, too,
and we'll join the circus.
You know, I thought it looked weird
last night,
but Kelly swore the color
would tone down by morning.
Come on, come on, it's not that bad.
Just pretend it's cool, or punk,
or something.
It is something.
It's hideous and I hate it.
Then why'd you dye it?
'Cause I thought
it would make things different.
It has, Brenda. Believe me.
No, it hasn't.
I'm still the exact same person inside.
Only now I look worse.
- Good morning.
- Morning.
Oh, you've got enough books here
to start a library.
- How's the studying going?
- Chill, Dad.
- I'm supposed to chill.
- I second that.
Brenda!
Kind of cool, huh, guys?
Give it time. It'll grow on you.
It'll grow.
Did you see the way she looked at me?
Okay, okay, maybe she was
a little shocked at first,
but Dad calmed her down.
And to tell you the truth,
it's really not that bad.
- Should I wear the hat?
- I would.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Brandon.
Earth to Walsh.
- What is wrong with you?
- Jacob Danzel, American history.
- Oh, yes. I had him last year.
- You did?
- Yeah, some wardrobe, huh?
- Some teacher.
All he cares about is his holy curve.
- Yeah, well, he's retiring this year.
- He is?
He's supposed to keep it quiet, though.
He doesn't want everybody
making a big deal.
I'll tell you what,
if Danzel announces retirement,
it wouldn't be a big deal.
It'd be a national holiday.
- I learned a lot from him, personally.
- All I'm learning is how to cheat.
Watch out, man,
you're flirting with bad karma.
Hey, what kind of marks did you get?
- Does it matter?
- Yeah.
Be careful.
Brenda!
We've been looking all over for you.
- Cute hat.
- I was in a hat mood.
Show us your hair, silly.
Brenda! It's...
It's...
Brenda, I love it, it's great. I really do.
You don't think it's...
- No.
- No.
It's...
- See you.
- Bye.
Hey, Brandon!
I saw you dodging me earlier.
What's going on?
Look, I just feel kind of weird
about this whole Danzel thing.
- Will you lighten up, Brandon?
- Doesn't it make you feel guilty?
Guilty as charged.
- What's this?
- Christmas and summer rolled into one.
- Steve, I don't want to touch this.
- Are you crazy?
Look at the questions.
You could study for two weeks
and still not come up with half this stuff.
- I gotta go.
- Hey, you cheated on the last quiz.
That was a quiz. This is the mid-term.
It's your future.
Hey, Andrea.
- Come on, I gotta talk to you.
- There's nothing to talk about.
- God, you are so judgmental.
- Yeah, you're damn right I am!
I got a C because you cheated.
I didn't deserve that!
- Talk to Danzel, it's his curve!
- I'm talking to you
because it's your fault.
In 1850, there were around
120,000 Indians in California.
How many were still alive by 1880,
Mr Walsh?
- Only 20,000.
- That's correct.
Now tell me, Mr Walsh,
what contributed to this rapid decline?
- Well, the white man killed them off.
- Well, everybody knows that, Mr Walsh.
I'm asking
what was the principle cause?
Come on, Mr Walsh,
surely you dug deeper
in order to understand the broader
historical context of this question.
You don't think it's important to know
that the white man confiscated
the Indians' land, took their homes,
caused them to seek refuge
in remote, barren locales
where health could not
possibly be sustained?
- Sure, it's important to know that.
- Then why don't you?
- Tell us what happened to the others.
- The other Indians?
No. No, the other space aliens.
Yes, the Indians. That's what
we've been studying, remember?
Yes?
The other Indians were imprisoned
on the so-called reservations
where they were forced to live
by the white man's rules.
Thank you, Miss Zuckerman.
Mr Walsh told me the other day
that he resented
the memorization required in this class,
that he wanted to be
challenged to think.
Mr Walsh, I have just challenged you.
And where did it get us?
Is it my fault that you chose
only to memorize the facts
and didn't take the time to think?
Mid-term on Monday, class.
I suggest you start studying
and thinking.
You can take your hat off in the house.
Is that supposed to make me feel bad
or good?
- I begged you not to touch your hair.
- Mother...
- Didn't I?
- Look, you just don't understand.
Yes, I do. Honey, honey.
Don't you think I know
what you're going through?
The summer that I turned 17,
all I heard on the radio
was how they wished
we could all be California girls.
So you know what Paula and I did?
We ironed our hair
right on the ironing board.
I mean, Paula's hair caught fire
and she singed off all her split ends,
then she put an entire bottle of peroxide
over her head.
Is the moral of this story
that it'll grow back?
Oh, Brenda,
don't you know how beautiful you are?
- Brandon.
- Steve.
Man, I can't believe the way that jerk
Danzel treated you in class today.
- Everybody was talking about it.
- Yeah, it was real special.
Who does he think he is?
If he treated me like that...
Steve, what are you doing here?
I don't know.
The way you were talking
in the hall today,
I got worried that you might bust me.
Hey, come on, Steve, I wouldn't do that.
Yeah, I know we're friends.
It's just I want you to be
in on this with me.
- It's just not right.
- Compared to what?
Failing the class, Brandon?
Everybody cheats.
Everybody bends the rules.
You either take advantage of it
or you get left behind.
Brandon, excuse me.
I'm curious, do you still work here?
Yeah. Steve, I've got to jam.
Brandon, what's your father gonna say
if you come home with a C?
Or an F?
Someday, when you're
sitting behind a big desk
in a big office with a big view,
you'll thank me for this.
- See you, Nat.
- See you, kid.
Hey, Brandon,
you're doing a real nice job, you know.
Thanks, Nat.
Got a flat tire, huh?
How very observant of you.
I wish the Auto Club was as attentive.
- Did someone let the air out of it?
- You've been inside all evening.
You don't know how to fix a flat, huh?
There are some things I would
much rather pay somebody else to do.
If you can find someone.
And you know how to do it?
So, I heard you're retiring this year.
Well, there comes a time
when one must move on.
I know you don't consider me
to be a particularly effective teacher,
but there are those
who feel I do a good job.
Well, I didn't mean...
Now don't insult my intelligence,
Mr Walsh.
I know the kids don't like me.
I hear the comments,
I hear the constant complaining,
the jokes about my clothes.
I am not deaf yet.
But those same students,
they may not like me,
but they will remember my class,
and they will remember
what they learned.
The truth is,
I'm not terribly impressed
with a lot of my clothes myself.
My wife picked them all out for me.
She was ill.
She knew I didn't have the patience
to shop for myself.
She was bound and determined
that I would have enough clothes
to wear...
They're the one thing I've got
to help me remember.
Good grief, I...
As much as I hate to admit it,
I probably could change a tire
if I had to.
Well,
there'll be a quiz on Monday.
You dropped this.
Oh, did I? Thanks.
How much do I owe you?
It's no problem. Really.
Well, see you in class Monday.
Good luck with the mid-term.
Thanks.
What're you doing?
You never cheated on anything,
have you?
I'm trying to study.
- No, I've never cheated on anything.
- But you've wanted to, haven't you?
- I don't see what that has...
- Haven't you?
Of course I have. Who hasn't?
The point is, I didn't and you did.
And you're never going to let me
forget it, are you?
Cheating is wrong, Brandon.
What do you want me to say?
Nothing.
You know, sometimes you act
like you have a personal stake
in everything I do.
Like we're a couple or something.
Yeah, right.
But you see everything only as
black and white,
right or wrong.
But what I did in Danzel's class
was not a black-and-white issue.
- It was a grey area.
- Oh, so by calling it a grey area,
- does that make you feel less guilty?
- No.
You probably don't believe it,
but I feel plenty guilty already.
What I was hoping for from you
was maybe a little understanding,
maybe a little support.
Thanks, Andrea.
Thanks for nothing.
- Brandon.
- I got to study.
Bran...
Brenda, you don't need the hat.
You're right.
Do we have any paper bags?
Oh, stop.
Mom, this is not funny.
Honey, I didn't say it was funny.
I thought you were making a joke.
Trust me, Mom.
My hair is no joking matter.
You've got to be able
to laugh at yourself sometimes,
otherwise you just make
yourself miserable.
- Have a nice jog.
- Thanks.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I thought that was you,
but didn't your hair used to be
a little different?
Yes. No. Well, maybe just a little bit.
I hate this color,
if that's what you can call it.
It's not that bad.
- If one more person says that...
- It's not that bad!
Don't all you guys out here
have a thing for blondes?
I mean, that's what you told Kelly.
Blondes, brunettes, redheads,
girls in tank tops.
But, if you really hate that color,
I have a friend who does hair,
and he owes me a favor.
Oh, I don't really hate the color.
But maybe we should still go see him
for a second opinion or something,
don't you think?
No problem.
I like your butt.
I mean, your bike.
Oh, well, thank you. Hop on.
My bike, that is.
Have you been at the library
all this time?
Mostly, yeah.
Working, thinking, you know.
At the very least, you get an A for effort.
- Well, I expect to get an A on the test.
- That's what I like to hear.
- But if you don't it'll be okay.
- Will it?
Well, of course, it will.
I mean, that's what you guys say,
but that's not what you really think.
If I get a C from Danzel,
or I end up at Outer Swobobia State,
you guys would be disappointed in me,
you'd be angry with me, right?
- Come on, Dad, tell me the truth.
- The truth?
Yeah, tell me what you want.
What I want in regards to your life
and to your future,
is to see you smile again.
Well, look at you.
Yeah, back to basics.
At least we don't have to join
the circus anymore.
- It looks different than before.
- Dylan says it looks incandescent.
- My friend Dylan?
- My friend Dylan.
- Hey, there.
- Hi.
- Brandon...
- Andrea...
Look, I'm not in the best of moods.
I was up all night studying.
- I was, too.
- What, making cheat notes?
It crossed my mind.
But if I cheated, I might screw up
the curve for this friend of mine,
who I care about and respect
more than she knows.
Even if she can be a royal pain.
I have a friend who's one of those.
Well, maybe we should introduce them.
They'd probably get along just great.
I doubt it.
- So, are you prepared?
- Yeah, I am.
I tore up my copy of the test.
That's smart. Burn the evidence.
It's safer that way.
Steve, I couldn't bring myself
to look at it.
Man, you are hopeless.
What if you flunk the test?
I won't.
Now before we start the test,
I would like you to listen
to my instructions very carefully.
Turn the test over,
look at it very closely.
Now tear it up.
That's right. You heard me. Tear it up.
Go on, tear it up.
That's right. Very good, very good.
Now, as far as your mid-term goes,
instead of the test,
which you have just destroyed,
I would like to know what you think.
Your mid-term consists
of one essay question.
Using examples from history
to contrast with your answer,
what do you think our government
should have done in the 19th century
to save the American Indian?
That was a hard question,
but a good hard question.
I guess that depends
on what you studied for.
I've been giving that same mid-term
for 15 years.
Some students might even have gotten
hold of a copy of it by now, you think?
Yeah, but some students
who may have had a copy of it,
might have chosen not to study from it
- after they thought about it.
- That's what I was thinking.
It's too bad you're retiring this year.
The semester isn't over yet.
If you think the American Indian
was difficult,
wait till we get to the Civil War.
Nice suit, by the way.
- It is quite hideous, isn't it?
- Yeah,
but you wear it well.