Better with You (2010–2011): Season 1, Episode 17 - Better Without a Job - full transcript

Maddie is ecstatic when she's told that she has made partner at her law firm. But just as soon as she tells everyone about her promotion, she gets laid off and, to save face, tells everyone she quit because she got a better job. Meanwhile, Vicky gives Mia and Casey a children's book passed down through the generations. Upon closer scrutiny, they parents-to-be wonder if there's a hidden, negative message between the lines.

Casey, be honest with me.

Are my pregnancy hormones
making me seem bitchy?


Uh, they're definitely making
you glow, that's for sure.

- Wait. Are you being evasive?
- Am I?

Casey, am I acting
bitchy or not?


(Bell dings)


What did you do?
It's a new recipe.

I remember how excited you were

last time
I cooked something fancy.

I was so excited.

(Bell dings)

So I made pork a l'orange.
It's supposed to be with duck,

but that sounded
wrong to me. Taste it.

(Mouth full) The
flavors really just work.

(Bell dings)

It's different, right?

Yes! This is the different-est
thing you've ever made.

So, you know, pork seems
a little... raw.

Are you, uh, sure you cooked it
to the right temperature?

Yeah. I know what temperature
to cook pork to.

(Bell dings)

Well, it's Tuesday night,
our foolin' around night.

It sure is. I have been looking
forward to this all day.

(Bell dings)

But not as much as I have.

(Bell dings)

I like it when you do that.

(Bell dings)

I know what I'm doing.

(Bell dings)

God, you're sexy.

(Bell dings)

I know.

Did you just fall asleep?

(Scoffs) No.

(Bell dings)

♪ I don't know where I'd be ♪

♪ without someone to see ♪

♪ this thing through ♪

♪ I am such a mess ♪

My parents are coming by.

They said they wanted to give us
our baby present early.

I bet it's that camera I've been
dropping hints about for weeks.

Oh, that would be awesome.
I really wanna document

this special time in
our lives... your belly,

the baby coming out, his new room.

I'm sorry. What was that middle thing?

The baby coming out?

Oh, yeah. I'm gonna
take video all up in there.

Yeah. No, no, no. You will not
be doing any filming

south of the equator, okay?

You will be staying up here
at all times.

All right. Seems a little weird
to have somebody else film it,

but okay.
(Knock on door)

Hey, Joel and Vicky.


Okay, we have brought something
for little Victor.

Mom, I told you that don't
normally name a baby boy

after his grandmother.

What if he comes out
looking just like me?

Yeah, then we got bigger fish.

Well, thanks for the present.

Can't wait to learn how
to use it.

Learn how to use it?
It's a book.

Honey, he's from Vermont.

To him, a book is probably
just something

you shove under an outhouse
to keep it level.

Oh! "The Little Brown Puppy."

Oh, I loved this book. I used
to read it when I was a kid.

I haven't seen this
in 20 years.

Oh, I remember the first book
I ever read.

Started with a picture
of a stereo all in pieces.

At the end, the stereo
was all put together.

Even though
I knew it was coming,

the ending always surprised me.

Now this book has been
in our family for forever.

I used to read it as a child,
and I am giving it to my child

to read to her child.

(Joel) Aw.

I love traditions like that,

where you don't have
to buy anything new.

Hey, everyone. I have some news.

(Door closes)
At the law firm today,

I heard some
very exciting scuttlebuzz...

Well, you didn't hear
scuttlebuzz, but go ahead.


Well, I'm just saying
"scuttlebuzz" isn't a word.

You might have heard buzz or scuttle.

Are you seriously doing this
when I'm about to tell everyone

I'm gonna be made a partner?

Oh, my God! Oh, my God.

That's the scuttlebuzz.

They're gonna be naming
three new partners at my firm,

and Boyd Woznack, who's on
the voting committee, told me

I am gonna be one of them.

- That is great!
- Maddie, congratulations!

Honey, we are so proud of you.

Aw, it's nice to see you bring
honor back to the Putney name.

It reminds me of my early days
as a money manager,

before what I like to call
my... "financial missteps."

Back then, when people
said the word "Putney,"

it wasn't immediately followed

by "that son of a bitch
drained my savings. Get him!"

Oh, my God! That wasn't a book.
It was a stereo manual!

Wait. I don't understand.
I'm not being made partner?

I write more wills
than any lawyer here.

I'm sorry, and...
and brace yourself.

It gets worse.

Because of the economy,
the firm is hemorrhaging money.

We had to make
some tough decisions,

and, uh...
We're letting you go.

(Gasps) But Boyd Woznack told me
I was gonna be partner.

Yeah. He's gone, too.

He was spreading
too much false scuttlebuzz.

Oh, I can't believe this.
I've been here for eight years.

I've devoted my life
to this company.

I don't know what to say.

People just haven't been dying
as much as we need them to.

I know it's been slow,
but people are gonna start

dying again, Neil. I know they are.

I wish there were something I could do.

All these new medicines
and technological advances,

and nobody smokes anymore.
It is killing us!

(Fist slams desk)

Well, but it'll pick up...

a new disease, tainted food,

(Gasps) How about
a natural disaster?

You're gonna need people here
if there's a natural disaster.

Well, look, um,
a big earthquake hits New York,

you'll be the first one I call.

I mean, uh, after my family, of course.

Can we just give it
another week?

These things comes
in bunches, Neil.

When I was 12, my aunt,
a kid down the street,

and my cat died. Deaths are
coming, Neil! I can feel it!

We can only hope.

Check it out! That book
that your parents gave us...

I thought I'd look online,
see if it's worth anything.

You are never gonna believe
how much it's going for.

- Guess how much.
- $1,000?

No. What do you always do that?
You always go super high,

and then no matter what I say,
it won't be impressive.

Aw. Sorry, baby. Ask me again.

Guess how much the book is worth.

50 cents?

No! $300! 50 cents.

And our copy's
in great condition.

We should sell it and use the
money to get the camera we want.

Oh, no, we can't sell
that book.

It's been in my family
for generations.

It's like an heirloom
or whatever.

Oh. Okay. I totally understand.
We won't sell it.

No, no, wait. Don't give up.
Try to convince me.

Yeah, I want to sell the book.

I just didn't wanna
feel bad about it.

Uh, it's okay. We'll just buy
the camera with our own money.

All right, Casey.
You win, okay?

We'll sell the book. Jeez!

Whoa! Howdy, partner!
(Imitates gunshot)

(Laughs) Get it?
It's an old west phrase,

but here I'm using it
to refer to your new...

I got fired.

You got fired?!
What? Why?

Ugh. They downsized
the whole probate department.

They said people aren't
dying as much as they used to.


Three people died in my
hotel just this past week.

Thank you!

Anyway, it doesn't matter
because I turned it around.

I kept my job by telling them
I do not accept my firing.

Is that how that works?

(Laughs) Well, it worked today.

I appreciate everything
you're trying to do here,

Neil, with firing me,

but unfortunately, at this time,
I just can't accept it,

and I do apologize for that.

Neil, I've thought
long and hard about this.

I'm sorry,
but my decision is final.

See you tomorrow.
(Door closes)

I'm... not sure that means
you still have a job.

No, I do. No, no.

They were just testing me
to see how much

I wanna be partner.
It doesn't sound like a test.

Well, to be fair, you're not
very good at knowing

when you're being tested.

Like... like right now?


Did I fail again?

Anybody need a drink?
Yeah. I'd love another glass.

That was a rhetorical question,
junior. One drink per person.

This isn't Maddie and Ben's.

Oh! Here's the lady
of the hour.

Oh! There's the new partner!
(Imitates gunshots)

Mine were better.

(Clears throat)
How did it go today?

They escorted me
out of the office.

It wasn't a test.
I know, baby.

Oh, I wish it was a test.
I'm really good at tests.

You gonna tell your parents?

No. I can't. They were so proud
of me. I would kill me to see

that look of disappointment
on their faces.

Well, yeah.
You get used to that.

Hey, dinner, will be ready
in five minutes.

Come on, Joel. Help me with the salad.

(Mia) All right.

So what's going on over here?
What's with all the whispering?

Is this about Casey's shirt?

'Cause it's not like Ben
always wears the right thing.

Am I the only one
who remembers the beret?

They didn't make me partner,
Mia. They fired me.

What? Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
Oh, it's okay.

I didn't accept it.

Oh, no. Is this like

how you didn't accept
that b-minus in geometry?

That grade is still working its
way through the appeals process.

You can't tell mom and dad I got fired.

Aren't they gonna find out

No, no, because I have a plan.
I'm gonna call everyone I know

and e-mail my resumé
to every firm in the city.

I'll get a new job
and tell mom and dad I quit

because I got a better position.

All right,
so speaking of secret plans,

we have something that
you cannot tell mom and dad.

Okay, you know that book
that we read as kids...

- "The Little Brown Puppy"?
- (Gasps) I love that book.

Yeah. Well, we found out
it's worth a lot of money,

and we are currently
selling it online. (Chuckles)

If you can't find a job
and you need money,

just grab a couple books
from here and sell 'em online.

I already hid two
in the back of my shirt, see?

I am so excited to go out
and tackle the world today.

I bet losing my job

is gonna be the best thing
that ever happened to me.

(Keys clatter)

I didn't find a job,
and a bird crapped on me.

I used to be a lawyer!


You know what I realized
last night

at 4:30 in the morning
when I was cleaning the bathroom

again for no reason?
It is all up here.

If you visualize yourself
getting a job, you will get one!

Hey, honey.
(TV playing indistinctly)

Look, there aren't any jobs.

It's been over a week.
I've called everyone,

e-mailed resumés
to every firm in the city.

No one's interested.

Apparently word got out
that I didn't accept my firing,

and now I'm considered
a "risky hire."

Well, o-okay, but we can't
give up, can we?

Don't start
with that "we" crap, Ben.

You don't know what
it's like out there.

You have a job...
If you wanna call it that.

Hey, say what you want about me,
but leave the hotel out of this.

I used to have everything,
and then just like that, gone.

Have... you been watching TV
all day?

Yes. (Laughs) There are a lot of
great shows on during the day.

I had no idea. Before,
I saw this really funny one

about an acne cream. Now I'm
watching one about a juicer.

It's more of a drama.

All right. Hey, how about
we get you into the shower?

No. I'm good.

I wanna see what happens
when they put the whole apple

in the juice machine. It's gonna
clog for sure. (Telephone rings)

- (Sighs) Ben Coles.
- It didn't! It didn't clog!

(Lowered voice) Hey, hey.
It's for you. It's a law firm.

Freeman and Gant?
I've heard of them.

Oh, my God.

This is Maddie Putney.

An interview? Now?

I can't come right now.

I've been drinking,
and I'm covered in cheese balls.

(Whispers) You don't have to
say that. They can't see you.

You can't see me.
I'll come right over.

Oh, my God.
You missed it!

Today was the last day
of the auction.

There was a bidding war...

people who are desperate for this book!


I know, I know. It's crazy.
The winner's coming by

to pick up the book.
Guess how much it sold for.


Damn it!

No! $350.

Really? Still, that's crazy.

I mean, it's just
a sweet little book about a dog.

I had no idea.
This book must be amazing.

"'Little Brown Puppy'
by Scooter McGill."

Pretty good so far.

"The little brown puppy
was always causing trouble.

He wasn't allowed to mix
with the good white dogs."



Is it just me,
or is this book crazy racist?

What? No, it's a book
about puppies that...


- Oh, my God.
- (Whispers) Yeah.

This is horrible.

Shame on you, Scooter McGill!

Oh, I had no idea!

It's like the first time
you realize

the California raisins
used to be grapes.

I cannot believe that my parents
let me read this book.

I was an impressionable child.

Do you think this book shaped me
and I didn't even know it?

(Gasps) Is this why
I don't like "The Wire"?

Who are all the people
who wanted to buy this book?

What kind of monster
is coming over here?!

Stereo manual doesn't look
so bad now, does it?

So your resumé
is very impressive.


What would you say
is your biggest weakness?

Hmm. Great question, Miles.

My biggest weakness is probably
that I don't have a weakness.

Um... okay. A little hard
to believe, but... okay.

How much experience do you have
in other aspects of the law?

Well, my specialty is probate,
but I've always been interested

in family law, contract law,

I can do anything.
The law is my life.

I have a t-shirt that says that.
I like that.

Really? You can have it.
It's yours. No. That's gross.

I'll get you a new one.

You don't want a shirt
with my old sweat stains on it.

Unless you do,
then that's weird, but fine.

My boyfriend put on my
bra once. I don't judge.

Maybe your weakness is you
don't know when to stop talking.

Well, I wouldn't call

women's sweat-stained shirts
a strength, Miles.

I like you.

Why don't you come in
tomorrow morning, 9:00 A.M.?

We'll discuss salary then.
I got the job?

Oh, my God! Thank you.

I knew this would happen.
I visualized it in my head

while I cried
in front of the mirror.

But everyone's cried in front
of the mirror, right, Miles?

Stop talking.

(Knock on door)

Ohh! It's the racists. Oh, no. It's
just my mom and dad. (Door squeaks)


Okay, we broke down
and got you the camera,

so you can stop hinting all the time.

Ah, okay. Well,
it's a little banged up,

and... there are pictures
of strangers on here.

Yes, it is the floor model,
but it still works.

Please, I don't see why
floor models get such a bad rap.

So a bunch of weird people
touched it.

Didn't stop me from
marrying your mother.


Okay, good, well, I'm glad
you guys are here,

because you know that children's
book that you gave me last week?

- It's really racist.
- No, it's not.

It is a book about puppies.
Puppies can't be racist.

Uh, I don't know about that.

Growing up, I had a dog,
and anytime an Eskimo came by,

oh! (Laughs)
Good luck, buddy.

(Mia) Look, mom.


Oh, my.


Okay, you're right.
This book is terrible.

Why did my mother
let me read that?

Is this book the reason
I didn't like "Sanford and Son"?

Okay, well, don't worry.
We're getting rid of it.

We put it up for sale online.
Someone's coming

to pick it up right now.
What? You can't sell that.

Why? Because it's been
in our family for generations?

Look, you can't rid of something

just because it's
offensive and old-fashioned.

I still keep your mom around.
Come on!

You gotta give it to me
for that one! (laughs)

Sorry, Vicky,
but he nailed that.

(Knock on door)

Oh, my God.
It's the racists.

Hi. I'm here for the book.

(Car door closes, vehicle departs) Oh.
Not what I was expecting. Hi, sweetie.

You know what? You're pretty.
You don't need to read.

Hi. Sorry.
I was paying the cabbie.

I'm Francine.
This is my daughter Katie,

and we're here to buy
"The Little Brown Puppy."

Oh, come on in.
(Chuckles nervously)

Um... so can I ask you
why you want this book?

Oh, well, I read it
when I was a little girl,

and I want my daughter to read it now.

Oh, yeah. Have you read it recently?

Oh, not in... gosh... 25 years.

Uh, Francine, uh, first of all,
you should know

that I was in the same place you are.

Um, I read this book as a kid,
and I thought it was great,

but I read it today
for the first since then,

and, uh... it's really racist.

Oh, no, it's not.
It is.

Hmm. Oh.

Oh, my God.

Oh, this is disgusting.

Why would my parents
let me read this?

Is this why
I didn't like Urkel?

(All) No.

Well, what are we gonna do
with it now?

Can't sell it, can't read
it, can't give it away.

We could send it to Casey's
family to prop up their outhouse.

'cause my family's the one

who comes out of this
looking bad.

(Door opens)

(Door closes) Hey, guys. I have
big news. I left my law firm.

I thought they made you
a partner.

No, that turned out
not to be true.

So I left, head held high,
dignity intact,

and just got a different,
even better position.


At a firm called
Freeman and Gant.

- The bus bench people?
- What?

Freeman and Gant... they have ads
on all the bus stop benches.

"Call Freeman and Gant
if you get in an accident."

They're ambulance chasers?

Of course!
That's how I knew them.

You couldn't remember that
before my interview?

Well, to be fair, I was
getting cheese ball powder

off you with a keyboard vacuum.

Okay, I'm confused.

Why would you leave a great firm
like Braverman

to work for those people?

I was let go from my old job.
They downsized

the probate group,
and Freeman and Gant

was the only firm
willing to hire me.

Why didn't you tell us?
We had that whole dinner.

We even sprung
for a side salad.

I didn't want to disappoint you.
You were so proud of me.

I mean, I'm the daughter who's
a success in the business world.

On my own company.

Hey, you could never
disappoint us.

We're proud of you
because of who are,

not because of what job
you have.

You turned
into a wonderful person,

even though we gave you
racist books to read.

Look, and I don't care
where you work.

Wherever it is, I'm sure you
will be the best lawyer there.

So what if it's not the perfect job?

You work there for a few months

while you try to find
a better one.

No, you're right! No one
will ever know I worked there.

(Horn honks)

Ooh, look, Casey,
an online relationship quiz.

"How well do you know
your mate?"

(Giggles) Okay,
"where was your mate born?"

- That's easy. Vermont.
- Uh, Texas.

Really? Okay.

"What was their first pet?"

Aw, you told me that adorable
story about your pet goat...


- Named Richard.
- Pete.

You know, these tests
are really stupid.

- We should just...
- Make out?

Aw, see? You know the answers
to all the important questions.


Okay, first question... "if your
partner was a type of food,

what kind of food would they be?"


Haven't even read you
the choices. (Offs)

Am I... cake...

Strawberry... Mmm!

Or... toast?


You're doing that
just to hurt me.

I am a strawberry, and you know it.

You know what?

I'm going back to grape.
You're a grape.

I am not taking these quizzes
with you anymore.

Typical grape.

Do you like shady hillsides
or babbling brooks?

Shady hillsides.

Me, too.

Do you prefer
a cute and cozy view

or sprawling but beautiful?

Cute and cozy.

Well, I couldn't agree more.

Do you like to be close to
the city or out in the country?

(Both) Country.

Yeah. Okay, let's see
what we've got here.

I think we did pretty well.

Yep. Whispering pines cemetery
is the one for us.

Sounds lovely.

And now we play
the waiting game.