Better Things (2016–…): Season 3, Episode 3 - Better Things - full transcript
Are-are you ready for your...
for your film?
Wait. And go.
- He's got the clap.
What?
You schmuck!
You're ruining my story.
Should've wore a jimmy hat.
Oh, I don't wear jimmy hats.
I never have.
-Mm-hmm.
-They impede sensation.
And by the way...
Who-who get...
who gets the clap anymore, hmm?
Guys who don't wear jimmy hats.
Oh, sheesh.
The women my age stopped getting
their periods 70 years ago.
My parts are grinding to a halt,
except for my follicle
production.
Oh, my God. Me, too, Rosie.
Me, too!
-But you look so beautiful.
-Oh, I look how I look.
Ah, you know what? You'll never
believe what I just found.
I was looking through
my projects folder,
and I found a script
written by me and...
Tamara Gonsales.
Yeah!
Tamara Gonsales?
You and I.
We wrote a script together.
Remember?
Oh...
Alan, I think
you're confusing me.
You know I'm Sam, right?
I'm Phil and Murray's daughter.
Oh... Oh, shit.
This is embarrassing.
- Oh. You okay?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Murray.
God rest his soul.
What a pain in the ass.
-Your father was a funny man.
-Yeah.
- Oh, and dirty.
- Now, wait a minute.
I was the funniest. Your father
was the second funniest.
Ask your mother,
she'll tell you.
Loved your mother. Oh.
She-she was scary but classy.
She was so mean.
-Mean as a snake.
-Hmm.
She's with a shvartze now.
Yeah. I heard about it.
Rocket, you can't say that word.
I can. You can't.
It was delicious,
her-her rudeness.
But even wh... even when she was
really, really, awfully mean,
she still had this little
twinkle in her eye.
Always made me feel like,
"I got a shot."
-Her accent is what got me.
-Her tits are what got me.
-Irwin!
-She was gorgeous.
-She still is.
-I like that.
A daughter who appreciates
her parents.
Not like my motherless,
deadbeat, drug-addicted son.
Irwin.
-Easy, yeah?
-How about this?
He's a piece of meat
with two eyes.
Oh...
At least his mother is dead.
She didn't have to live
to see this.
This guy and his silver linings.
Rosie.
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
I got one for you.
I got one.
I got-I got one.
I got one for you.
Okay?
Um, a Murray Fox proverb.
Oh.
You get stuck...
in writing...
- Huh.
- ...in marriage, in life,
you get stuck...
"Shake the Cocktail."
-Oh, yeah!
-All right, shake the cocktail.
Shake the cocktail!
-I love it. Thank you, Rocket.
-You schtuck.
Schtuck?
He can't say schtum,
but he says schtuck!
- You know your sister is in a summer
blockbuster. - Uh-huh.
She's gonna be the next Lara
Croft: Middle-aged Tomb Raider.
Is that the monster one?
A mother.
I'm playing a mother.
Everyone's miserable.
I was gonna complain
about the AC in my trailer.
Well, at least the money's good.
Otherwise,
I'd have peaced day one.
No, it's not. They're paying us
barely scale on this.
Not me, baby.
- Oh, damn.
- I'm making
a fraction of what the actor
who's playing my husband
is making, and nobody
knows who the hell he is.
They're cheating on turnaround.
No one's ever heard
of union rules.
It's a shitshow,
and it's gonna make a fortune.
It's a nice paycheck.
A nice paycheck you were asking
for, that's what you wanted.
There was a manager
on set yesterday,
said we should consider
filing a grievance for, like,
- a stunt adjustment, or some shit like
that. - I'm sure your manager's
all over this, but I'm getting
Donte a stunt adjustment,
and I'm filing a grievance on
his behalf and Princess' behalf.
-You want in?
-Ooh. How much are they getting?
-200 bucks.
-Mm.
So you should talk
to your manager, Tressa.
I mean, you're Sam Fox, number
two on the call sheet. Come on.
-Number three.
-My client's ten.
And that makes sense, as I tend
to gravitate toward men
of lower status in life
and on the set.
You're so funny!
Who's this manager?
I don't know.
Some cool lady with a face.
What cool lady with a face?
You talking about Boatie Trell?
No, not a Boatie.
-Mer Kodis?
-That one.
-Are these names? Really?
-Mm-hmm.
She make a pass at you?
What? No.
Calm down.
I'm straight.
I'm a straight girl.
- I won't tell.
- She's a flipper, Sam.
Flip-per. Woo, boy,
you are right up her alley.
That's her thing, she likes
to flip straight girls.
She's a flipper.
-Stop saying flipper.
-Is she cute?
I dated a lesbian once.
Business school.
She's got to be cute if she's
a successful serial flipper.
I don't know.
For the record, I don't hate
where this is going.
I always wanted you
to have a girl phase.
-You did?
-Mm-hmm.
-I didn't.
-Mm-hmm?
I mean, I don't think
it's in me.
I mean,
I like it... in me.
Mom, gross.
You guys are so binary.
I'm not sure what that means,
but I'm pretty sure
I'm all about that "D."
I'm with Frankie...
I don't see sexual preference.
That is such bullshit.
-Mer Kodis is danger, okay?
Listen to me. -Yup,
very, so straight.
Is that something
people are still doing?
Yup.
Still doing straight.
I do straight
with straight men... people.
I've said nothing.
She was on set,
giving her client advice.
I saw her for,
like, ten seconds,
and now all of a sudden
you're acting like
we're running away together.
Jesus. You're so sensitive
and jealous.
I am not jealous.
Okay. Okay. Can we not have
a feelings talk?
I'm not having a feelings talk,
I'm just giving you some tips.
I'm good.
I'm all good.
I feel like you just
had a feelings talk.
-Hello! Darling...
-Hi.
-...look what I brought you.
-Oh, Phil. I don't.
-Hi, Walter.
-Hello, Sam.
Don't bring that into the house.
I have five of those already.
Yes, but it's
a manual can opener.
-I told you I don't want you
to bring -If you mean to...
-any more stuff to my house.
-Well, I want you to have it
and I'm going
to leave it, anyway.
For the lady.
We have to think about
the scenarios
of disaster very carefully.
-Mm.
-I'm the president
of the emergency
preparedness committee.
Voted unanimously into office.
Well, I've seen
my share of disasters.
Are we staying for dinner, Phil?
Dinner.
I hadn't thought...
No, no, no, now,
we don't want to intrude.
What's this?
Risotto?
-Mm.
-Oh, Walter, we must.
Then we must.
Hmm. It's interesting
how plain it tastes.
Hi.
-Hey.
-Hi.
I know who you are.
-Hi. Reiki..
-Sam.
-Nice to meet you.
-Nice to finally meet you.
What's up?
Sorrow, your dad's here.
They've been giving
each other tattoos.
She's on the toilet.
Whoa, is that Sharpie?
Are you crazy?
It's eyeliner.
-Of course.
-Can Sorrow
and Pepper sleep over tonight?
-I don't know, it's a...
-Please?
-We're talking about a school night.
-Please, please.
How do we feel about that?
-I'm good.
-I'm good.
Yes!
-So, come on in.
-Great.
Did you guys eat?
-No.
-Stay. Stay.
It smells delicious.
-It is delicious. Come on.
-Okay.
Don't you want to check the car?
Oh, God, yes, yes.
-What...
-Great.
-What are you checking?
-Just simmer down.
Oh, your art is so beautiful.
I love it.
Yeah, I love it, too.
-Yeah.
-Come on.
Let me wine you and dine you.
Thank you.
-Reiki, this is my mom, Phil.
-Hi.
-Hello.
-And her special friend Walter.
-Walter, hi.
-Nice to meet you.
-That's my bro Marion.
-Hello. Nice to meet you.
-And the rest.
-Hey.
-I'm Rich, hi. I'm the rest.
-Hi, Rich. Hi.
-Red or white?
-Anything nonalcoholic.
-All right, I got you.
-So, you're the decorator.
I am.
You're with Sunny's bum
of a husband?
You should meet my mother.
He's her ex-husband.
And I find him charming
in every way.
-Every way?
-Mm-hmm. All the ways.
Well, there's a lid
for every pot.
Yeah, well, his lid
certainly fits my pot.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Everyone...
this is Dexter.
Hello.
-The fuck?
-And his handler Linda,
-as required by state law.
-Hi. Jump.
- Yeah, check this out. He jumps.
- Come on.
Look at that.
-Yeah.
-Get it off me. Get it off me.
Get it off.
My God. Frankie! Jason!
Girls, get down here right now!
-Are you okay, Mom? It's okay.
-Stay.
I love monkeys.
She does.
She loves 'em, yeah.
Her birthday's next week,
so I found her one.
We've been hanging out all day.
Oh.
Mom, Mom, can we keep it?
- Well, I mean, it's just a rental, so...
- Can we rent it?
Mom, can we rent it? Mom?
-Bro!
-Mom, please.
He's here now.
Play with him now. Ow.
That's it?
He catches a grape? That's, uh,
a little underwhelming.
A grape out of your ear, maybe.
You should get him
some cymbals or something.
Honey, you want to throw
a grape to the monkey?
It feels very intense
to have a primate
in the house.
Mm.
Oh. She's not into it.
-You see his shorts?
-Yeah, I did.
-Is that what those are?
-Yeah, those are shorts.
Mm...
What about Jeff's new lady?
I mean...
holy crap, right?
I know.
-That face.
-Yeah, you think it's real,
-or work done?
-I don't know.
But good for him.
Wow.
How old do you think she is?
Who cares? She's fantastic.
So sexy.
Mm.
It's still half
plus seven, right?
I mean, that's the rule.
Half...
Half your age, plus seven.
Wow, that's strong.
Well, I'm breaking that rule.
My new boyfriend's 25.
Get out of here.
Mm-hmm.
I wonder if his friends
whisper about me like this.
Whether or not
you've had injections
in your lips, you mean?
How dare you.
Of course I have.
Oh, Jesus,
you guys hotboxed the garage.
-Dinner's ready.
-You want? You want?
Yerp.
Does she...
know that I'm... out here?
Careful, it's really strong.
Uh, yeah.
-Is this your boyfriend's?
-What? Yeah.
That's not old people weed.
-This'll kill you. I can't
have any more. -I can.
I used to have to smoke
nine joints.
Now it's one hit and...
-Oh, yeah.
-...I'm a dolphin.
- Oh... oh, wow.
- Yeah.
How long were we there?
- Hours, days...
- No. 30 minutes.
- Is that it?
- Yeah.
-I came looking for you...
-Oh, that's good.
...after 20 minutes.
Is it weird that
I can't feel my hair?
- No, that's not so...
- I have so little left.
Can you usually feel your hair?
You know, and then you get
the onions and the shallots.
Mm-hmm.
- And, um,
you can either use, if you don't
have any tomatoes...
-Oh.
-What?! My baby.
Oh, oh, hi, baby!
Hi, Mom.
Hi from college.
We're making dinner.
-Risotto. Say hi to everybody.
-Ooh.
-Hi, darling Max.
-Hey, Max.
Hi. Oh, hi, Gram.
Hi, Walter.
Is it cold in the tundra?
I haven't seen my legs
in, like, three weeks.
You're wearing a tank top.
Oh, I know, we, like,
crank up the heat.
- Mom, I need to tell you...
- We got a monkey.
- Hmm?
- Oh, my God!
You wait until I leave
to get a monkey?
-I don't know. Not ours.
-Oh.
Did you order those
Korean face masks?
Yes, I did.
Honey, so how are you?
Are you making friends?
Yeah, it's, uh, it's great.
Everyone's really chill,
you know.
I mean, it's different.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
That's good.
I'm so proud of you.
So, Mom, I'm pretty sure
I'm gonna finish the semester.
-But... -Oh, I got to
serve the plates now.
I got to serve the... the...
Finish... finish the semester?
She may.
Pretty sure.
She may finish the semester.
We're doing a pop-up restaurant
in Echo Park.
-Oh, really?
-What?
-Yeah.
-That's right.
Limited menu, mostly barbecue.
Small bites.
Gauge investor interest.
-Hmm.
-Aw, they're gonna love it.
Yeah, he's a natural.
I do a few things well.
-Not like Sam.
-Aw.
I didn't know you cooked.
Well, you know,
Sunny hates eating.
Mm.
I don't like men in the kitchen.
It seems undignified.
Do you know,
my father severed
the top of his thumb off,
and I didn't notice, but it had
gone right into the pastry,
and I rolled it up.
I think I ate
a bit of it, or just the nail.
What is...
-happening?
-But I've never told it.
Did you ever hear this story?
-Hello, hello, hello.
-Just the nail?
- Oh.
- Hi.
-Hello.
-Hi.
Uh, am I interrupting?
I just, um... Sorrow!
Uh...
she's staying.
Yeah, they're doing, like,
a sleepover thing.
I thought I was...
I mean, I'm staying
at the house tonight, so...
Hi, Mark.
Hi.
You guys, come in.
Join us, come on.
I made lemon risotto.
It's got, like,
a million trillion calories.
So good.
Oh, it's so good.
-Hi, hi, hi.
-Hi, I'm Mark.
-Mwah. Hi, hi. -Hi. -Pleasure.
-Marion. I didn't know you were in town.
-Hello, gorgeous.
Mark. Hi, there.
-Right this way, table waiting.
-Hi.
-Hi, honey.
-Hi.
Oh, good. Good. Okay.
You guys sit together.
You can talk
about money
and Republican-y stuff,
- and I'll get you guys some bowls.
- Ha, ha.
I'll be right back.
So you're a Republican?
Yes. Yes I am.
-Still?
-Mm...
-But he loves the gays.
-True. Can't get enough.
Oh, um,
Mark and I drank one
of your bottles of kombucha.
-I'll replace it, I...
-No, it's no big deal.
I'm sorry, I'm confused.
Do you all live together,
like in a commune?
Oh. No.
I can't even
share a bathroom. No.
We share the house.
The... the kids stay put.
We, um,
-alternate days.
-You what?
Sounds dreadful.
It's called nesting, dear.
I can hear you.
You don't have to shout.
- It's working well.
- Yeah,
the kids don't have
to move around, I get it.
I thought the whole
point of getting divorced
was that you don't
have to get annoyed
at the empty pickle jar
in the fridge anymore,
with the single pickle floating
around like a turd.
I've always felt that about
a single pickle in a jar.
-Looks like a turd?
-Yeah.
Or that's the whole reason
for divorce?
Jeff loves
to leave his laundry
in the hamper,
like there's some
magic laundry fairy
that's just gonna go,
you know, like, "Poof."
Hmm.
That's... that's hilarious.
Yeah. That happened once
in six months.
So...
Sounds awfully complicated.
In our day, we just stayed
married and had affairs.
- Mm.
- Oh, come on, darling.
Eat up.
That's really good.
- You made this?
- Thank you. Oh, yeah.
- Lovely, really good.
- Thank you.
-Yeah, it's the framboise.
-Oh, is that what gives it that
-little bit of brown there?
-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
It smells so good.
Bro, smell.
Dessert's for children
and people don't care
what they look like.
We need to talk.
Oh. That's my brother's
serious voice.
I want to talk to you
about Phil's mental state.
Well, I don't.
For example, she shouldn't
be driving a car.
Oh, Jesus.
Can you just please
give this to Duke?
You've been saying this
for ten years now.
Every time you see her,
you want to sell the house,
take away her car
and put her in a home.
She lost her American Express
card four times this summer.
Yes, four.
She lost her phone twice.
And when she does her answer her
phone, she does it in an accent.
-Not English.
-Yeah.
That's because she gets
so many telemarketers.
She doesn't want them
to know it's her.
Hello?
That's just smart.
You won't think it's funny
when she really hurts herself
or someone else.
Let me ask you something.
Do you have any intention
of moving to L.A.
and driving her to bridge
every Tuesday?
Or picking her up
from Ross Dress for Less
or Jewish Council Thrift
on an hourly basis?
I didn't think so.
So, please, bro,
hoe your own row.
What is my row, Sam?
You know.
Doing bank shit.
Money.
Being afraid of your wife.
Basically never doing anything
to help me, ever.
I handle Phil.
God...
He's right, Cookie.
Could you and Mom
have gone a little bit
easier on him?
He's so wound up. He's got
such a chip on his shoulder.
It wasn't intentional.
He's the firstborn.
The burned pancake.
And the second child
is like a rewrite.
Always comes out
a little better.
Dad.
-Yes?
-Let me ask you something.
Mm-hmm?
Do you think I should
take Phil's car away?
Put her in a home?
Let me ask you something.
You ever win a knife fight
with a midget?
Whoa.
Uh, Truman Capote?
-Long time ago.
-Very fat. Very, very, very fat.
--Uh, Winston Churchill.
Chubby Checker.
- Ponytail. With a ponytail.
- No, with a beard.
- The, ugh...
- Jackie Gleason.
-Fatty Arbuckle!
-Warrior. Rode a-rode a horse.
-Fat horse rider?
-A very fat Oriental.
-Other team!
-Genghis Khan.
- Yes! - -Phil,
you cannot help them.
I'm not under
your control, darling.
It's upside down.
Give!
Black-and-white,
black-and-white.
- Penguin!
- Yes!
- That was good.
- Pickup truck.
Hey, kiddo.
What are you doing?
That's a good girl.
Here.
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
for your film?
Wait. And go.
- He's got the clap.
What?
You schmuck!
You're ruining my story.
Should've wore a jimmy hat.
Oh, I don't wear jimmy hats.
I never have.
-Mm-hmm.
-They impede sensation.
And by the way...
Who-who get...
who gets the clap anymore, hmm?
Guys who don't wear jimmy hats.
Oh, sheesh.
The women my age stopped getting
their periods 70 years ago.
My parts are grinding to a halt,
except for my follicle
production.
Oh, my God. Me, too, Rosie.
Me, too!
-But you look so beautiful.
-Oh, I look how I look.
Ah, you know what? You'll never
believe what I just found.
I was looking through
my projects folder,
and I found a script
written by me and...
Tamara Gonsales.
Yeah!
Tamara Gonsales?
You and I.
We wrote a script together.
Remember?
Oh...
Alan, I think
you're confusing me.
You know I'm Sam, right?
I'm Phil and Murray's daughter.
Oh... Oh, shit.
This is embarrassing.
- Oh. You okay?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Murray.
God rest his soul.
What a pain in the ass.
-Your father was a funny man.
-Yeah.
- Oh, and dirty.
- Now, wait a minute.
I was the funniest. Your father
was the second funniest.
Ask your mother,
she'll tell you.
Loved your mother. Oh.
She-she was scary but classy.
She was so mean.
-Mean as a snake.
-Hmm.
She's with a shvartze now.
Yeah. I heard about it.
Rocket, you can't say that word.
I can. You can't.
It was delicious,
her-her rudeness.
But even wh... even when she was
really, really, awfully mean,
she still had this little
twinkle in her eye.
Always made me feel like,
"I got a shot."
-Her accent is what got me.
-Her tits are what got me.
-Irwin!
-She was gorgeous.
-She still is.
-I like that.
A daughter who appreciates
her parents.
Not like my motherless,
deadbeat, drug-addicted son.
Irwin.
-Easy, yeah?
-How about this?
He's a piece of meat
with two eyes.
Oh...
At least his mother is dead.
She didn't have to live
to see this.
This guy and his silver linings.
Rosie.
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
I got one for you.
I got one.
I got-I got one.
I got one for you.
Okay?
Um, a Murray Fox proverb.
Oh.
You get stuck...
in writing...
- Huh.
- ...in marriage, in life,
you get stuck...
"Shake the Cocktail."
-Oh, yeah!
-All right, shake the cocktail.
Shake the cocktail!
-I love it. Thank you, Rocket.
-You schtuck.
Schtuck?
He can't say schtum,
but he says schtuck!
- You know your sister is in a summer
blockbuster. - Uh-huh.
She's gonna be the next Lara
Croft: Middle-aged Tomb Raider.
Is that the monster one?
A mother.
I'm playing a mother.
Everyone's miserable.
I was gonna complain
about the AC in my trailer.
Well, at least the money's good.
Otherwise,
I'd have peaced day one.
No, it's not. They're paying us
barely scale on this.
Not me, baby.
- Oh, damn.
- I'm making
a fraction of what the actor
who's playing my husband
is making, and nobody
knows who the hell he is.
They're cheating on turnaround.
No one's ever heard
of union rules.
It's a shitshow,
and it's gonna make a fortune.
It's a nice paycheck.
A nice paycheck you were asking
for, that's what you wanted.
There was a manager
on set yesterday,
said we should consider
filing a grievance for, like,
- a stunt adjustment, or some shit like
that. - I'm sure your manager's
all over this, but I'm getting
Donte a stunt adjustment,
and I'm filing a grievance on
his behalf and Princess' behalf.
-You want in?
-Ooh. How much are they getting?
-200 bucks.
-Mm.
So you should talk
to your manager, Tressa.
I mean, you're Sam Fox, number
two on the call sheet. Come on.
-Number three.
-My client's ten.
And that makes sense, as I tend
to gravitate toward men
of lower status in life
and on the set.
You're so funny!
Who's this manager?
I don't know.
Some cool lady with a face.
What cool lady with a face?
You talking about Boatie Trell?
No, not a Boatie.
-Mer Kodis?
-That one.
-Are these names? Really?
-Mm-hmm.
She make a pass at you?
What? No.
Calm down.
I'm straight.
I'm a straight girl.
- I won't tell.
- She's a flipper, Sam.
Flip-per. Woo, boy,
you are right up her alley.
That's her thing, she likes
to flip straight girls.
She's a flipper.
-Stop saying flipper.
-Is she cute?
I dated a lesbian once.
Business school.
She's got to be cute if she's
a successful serial flipper.
I don't know.
For the record, I don't hate
where this is going.
I always wanted you
to have a girl phase.
-You did?
-Mm-hmm.
-I didn't.
-Mm-hmm?
I mean, I don't think
it's in me.
I mean,
I like it... in me.
Mom, gross.
You guys are so binary.
I'm not sure what that means,
but I'm pretty sure
I'm all about that "D."
I'm with Frankie...
I don't see sexual preference.
That is such bullshit.
-Mer Kodis is danger, okay?
Listen to me. -Yup,
very, so straight.
Is that something
people are still doing?
Yup.
Still doing straight.
I do straight
with straight men... people.
I've said nothing.
She was on set,
giving her client advice.
I saw her for,
like, ten seconds,
and now all of a sudden
you're acting like
we're running away together.
Jesus. You're so sensitive
and jealous.
I am not jealous.
Okay. Okay. Can we not have
a feelings talk?
I'm not having a feelings talk,
I'm just giving you some tips.
I'm good.
I'm all good.
I feel like you just
had a feelings talk.
-Hello! Darling...
-Hi.
-...look what I brought you.
-Oh, Phil. I don't.
-Hi, Walter.
-Hello, Sam.
Don't bring that into the house.
I have five of those already.
Yes, but it's
a manual can opener.
-I told you I don't want you
to bring -If you mean to...
-any more stuff to my house.
-Well, I want you to have it
and I'm going
to leave it, anyway.
For the lady.
We have to think about
the scenarios
of disaster very carefully.
-Mm.
-I'm the president
of the emergency
preparedness committee.
Voted unanimously into office.
Well, I've seen
my share of disasters.
Are we staying for dinner, Phil?
Dinner.
I hadn't thought...
No, no, no, now,
we don't want to intrude.
What's this?
Risotto?
-Mm.
-Oh, Walter, we must.
Then we must.
Hmm. It's interesting
how plain it tastes.
Hi.
-Hey.
-Hi.
I know who you are.
-Hi. Reiki..
-Sam.
-Nice to meet you.
-Nice to finally meet you.
What's up?
Sorrow, your dad's here.
They've been giving
each other tattoos.
She's on the toilet.
Whoa, is that Sharpie?
Are you crazy?
It's eyeliner.
-Of course.
-Can Sorrow
and Pepper sleep over tonight?
-I don't know, it's a...
-Please?
-We're talking about a school night.
-Please, please.
How do we feel about that?
-I'm good.
-I'm good.
Yes!
-So, come on in.
-Great.
Did you guys eat?
-No.
-Stay. Stay.
It smells delicious.
-It is delicious. Come on.
-Okay.
Don't you want to check the car?
Oh, God, yes, yes.
-What...
-Great.
-What are you checking?
-Just simmer down.
Oh, your art is so beautiful.
I love it.
Yeah, I love it, too.
-Yeah.
-Come on.
Let me wine you and dine you.
Thank you.
-Reiki, this is my mom, Phil.
-Hi.
-Hello.
-And her special friend Walter.
-Walter, hi.
-Nice to meet you.
-That's my bro Marion.
-Hello. Nice to meet you.
-And the rest.
-Hey.
-I'm Rich, hi. I'm the rest.
-Hi, Rich. Hi.
-Red or white?
-Anything nonalcoholic.
-All right, I got you.
-So, you're the decorator.
I am.
You're with Sunny's bum
of a husband?
You should meet my mother.
He's her ex-husband.
And I find him charming
in every way.
-Every way?
-Mm-hmm. All the ways.
Well, there's a lid
for every pot.
Yeah, well, his lid
certainly fits my pot.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Everyone...
this is Dexter.
Hello.
-The fuck?
-And his handler Linda,
-as required by state law.
-Hi. Jump.
- Yeah, check this out. He jumps.
- Come on.
Look at that.
-Yeah.
-Get it off me. Get it off me.
Get it off.
My God. Frankie! Jason!
Girls, get down here right now!
-Are you okay, Mom? It's okay.
-Stay.
I love monkeys.
She does.
She loves 'em, yeah.
Her birthday's next week,
so I found her one.
We've been hanging out all day.
Oh.
Mom, Mom, can we keep it?
- Well, I mean, it's just a rental, so...
- Can we rent it?
Mom, can we rent it? Mom?
-Bro!
-Mom, please.
He's here now.
Play with him now. Ow.
That's it?
He catches a grape? That's, uh,
a little underwhelming.
A grape out of your ear, maybe.
You should get him
some cymbals or something.
Honey, you want to throw
a grape to the monkey?
It feels very intense
to have a primate
in the house.
Mm.
Oh. She's not into it.
-You see his shorts?
-Yeah, I did.
-Is that what those are?
-Yeah, those are shorts.
Mm...
What about Jeff's new lady?
I mean...
holy crap, right?
I know.
-That face.
-Yeah, you think it's real,
-or work done?
-I don't know.
But good for him.
Wow.
How old do you think she is?
Who cares? She's fantastic.
So sexy.
Mm.
It's still half
plus seven, right?
I mean, that's the rule.
Half...
Half your age, plus seven.
Wow, that's strong.
Well, I'm breaking that rule.
My new boyfriend's 25.
Get out of here.
Mm-hmm.
I wonder if his friends
whisper about me like this.
Whether or not
you've had injections
in your lips, you mean?
How dare you.
Of course I have.
Oh, Jesus,
you guys hotboxed the garage.
-Dinner's ready.
-You want? You want?
Yerp.
Does she...
know that I'm... out here?
Careful, it's really strong.
Uh, yeah.
-Is this your boyfriend's?
-What? Yeah.
That's not old people weed.
-This'll kill you. I can't
have any more. -I can.
I used to have to smoke
nine joints.
Now it's one hit and...
-Oh, yeah.
-...I'm a dolphin.
- Oh... oh, wow.
- Yeah.
How long were we there?
- Hours, days...
- No. 30 minutes.
- Is that it?
- Yeah.
-I came looking for you...
-Oh, that's good.
...after 20 minutes.
Is it weird that
I can't feel my hair?
- No, that's not so...
- I have so little left.
Can you usually feel your hair?
You know, and then you get
the onions and the shallots.
Mm-hmm.
- And, um,
you can either use, if you don't
have any tomatoes...
-Oh.
-What?! My baby.
Oh, oh, hi, baby!
Hi, Mom.
Hi from college.
We're making dinner.
-Risotto. Say hi to everybody.
-Ooh.
-Hi, darling Max.
-Hey, Max.
Hi. Oh, hi, Gram.
Hi, Walter.
Is it cold in the tundra?
I haven't seen my legs
in, like, three weeks.
You're wearing a tank top.
Oh, I know, we, like,
crank up the heat.
- Mom, I need to tell you...
- We got a monkey.
- Hmm?
- Oh, my God!
You wait until I leave
to get a monkey?
-I don't know. Not ours.
-Oh.
Did you order those
Korean face masks?
Yes, I did.
Honey, so how are you?
Are you making friends?
Yeah, it's, uh, it's great.
Everyone's really chill,
you know.
I mean, it's different.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
That's good.
I'm so proud of you.
So, Mom, I'm pretty sure
I'm gonna finish the semester.
-But... -Oh, I got to
serve the plates now.
I got to serve the... the...
Finish... finish the semester?
She may.
Pretty sure.
She may finish the semester.
We're doing a pop-up restaurant
in Echo Park.
-Oh, really?
-What?
-Yeah.
-That's right.
Limited menu, mostly barbecue.
Small bites.
Gauge investor interest.
-Hmm.
-Aw, they're gonna love it.
Yeah, he's a natural.
I do a few things well.
-Not like Sam.
-Aw.
I didn't know you cooked.
Well, you know,
Sunny hates eating.
Mm.
I don't like men in the kitchen.
It seems undignified.
Do you know,
my father severed
the top of his thumb off,
and I didn't notice, but it had
gone right into the pastry,
and I rolled it up.
I think I ate
a bit of it, or just the nail.
What is...
-happening?
-But I've never told it.
Did you ever hear this story?
-Hello, hello, hello.
-Just the nail?
- Oh.
- Hi.
-Hello.
-Hi.
Uh, am I interrupting?
I just, um... Sorrow!
Uh...
she's staying.
Yeah, they're doing, like,
a sleepover thing.
I thought I was...
I mean, I'm staying
at the house tonight, so...
Hi, Mark.
Hi.
You guys, come in.
Join us, come on.
I made lemon risotto.
It's got, like,
a million trillion calories.
So good.
Oh, it's so good.
-Hi, hi, hi.
-Hi, I'm Mark.
-Mwah. Hi, hi. -Hi. -Pleasure.
-Marion. I didn't know you were in town.
-Hello, gorgeous.
Mark. Hi, there.
-Right this way, table waiting.
-Hi.
-Hi, honey.
-Hi.
Oh, good. Good. Okay.
You guys sit together.
You can talk
about money
and Republican-y stuff,
- and I'll get you guys some bowls.
- Ha, ha.
I'll be right back.
So you're a Republican?
Yes. Yes I am.
-Still?
-Mm...
-But he loves the gays.
-True. Can't get enough.
Oh, um,
Mark and I drank one
of your bottles of kombucha.
-I'll replace it, I...
-No, it's no big deal.
I'm sorry, I'm confused.
Do you all live together,
like in a commune?
Oh. No.
I can't even
share a bathroom. No.
We share the house.
The... the kids stay put.
We, um,
-alternate days.
-You what?
Sounds dreadful.
It's called nesting, dear.
I can hear you.
You don't have to shout.
- It's working well.
- Yeah,
the kids don't have
to move around, I get it.
I thought the whole
point of getting divorced
was that you don't
have to get annoyed
at the empty pickle jar
in the fridge anymore,
with the single pickle floating
around like a turd.
I've always felt that about
a single pickle in a jar.
-Looks like a turd?
-Yeah.
Or that's the whole reason
for divorce?
Jeff loves
to leave his laundry
in the hamper,
like there's some
magic laundry fairy
that's just gonna go,
you know, like, "Poof."
Hmm.
That's... that's hilarious.
Yeah. That happened once
in six months.
So...
Sounds awfully complicated.
In our day, we just stayed
married and had affairs.
- Mm.
- Oh, come on, darling.
Eat up.
That's really good.
- You made this?
- Thank you. Oh, yeah.
- Lovely, really good.
- Thank you.
-Yeah, it's the framboise.
-Oh, is that what gives it that
-little bit of brown there?
-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
It smells so good.
Bro, smell.
Dessert's for children
and people don't care
what they look like.
We need to talk.
Oh. That's my brother's
serious voice.
I want to talk to you
about Phil's mental state.
Well, I don't.
For example, she shouldn't
be driving a car.
Oh, Jesus.
Can you just please
give this to Duke?
You've been saying this
for ten years now.
Every time you see her,
you want to sell the house,
take away her car
and put her in a home.
She lost her American Express
card four times this summer.
Yes, four.
She lost her phone twice.
And when she does her answer her
phone, she does it in an accent.
-Not English.
-Yeah.
That's because she gets
so many telemarketers.
She doesn't want them
to know it's her.
Hello?
That's just smart.
You won't think it's funny
when she really hurts herself
or someone else.
Let me ask you something.
Do you have any intention
of moving to L.A.
and driving her to bridge
every Tuesday?
Or picking her up
from Ross Dress for Less
or Jewish Council Thrift
on an hourly basis?
I didn't think so.
So, please, bro,
hoe your own row.
What is my row, Sam?
You know.
Doing bank shit.
Money.
Being afraid of your wife.
Basically never doing anything
to help me, ever.
I handle Phil.
God...
He's right, Cookie.
Could you and Mom
have gone a little bit
easier on him?
He's so wound up. He's got
such a chip on his shoulder.
It wasn't intentional.
He's the firstborn.
The burned pancake.
And the second child
is like a rewrite.
Always comes out
a little better.
Dad.
-Yes?
-Let me ask you something.
Mm-hmm?
Do you think I should
take Phil's car away?
Put her in a home?
Let me ask you something.
You ever win a knife fight
with a midget?
Whoa.
Uh, Truman Capote?
-Long time ago.
-Very fat. Very, very, very fat.
--Uh, Winston Churchill.
Chubby Checker.
- Ponytail. With a ponytail.
- No, with a beard.
- The, ugh...
- Jackie Gleason.
-Fatty Arbuckle!
-Warrior. Rode a-rode a horse.
-Fat horse rider?
-A very fat Oriental.
-Other team!
-Genghis Khan.
- Yes! - -Phil,
you cannot help them.
I'm not under
your control, darling.
It's upside down.
Give!
Black-and-white,
black-and-white.
- Penguin!
- Yes!
- That was good.
- Pickup truck.
Hey, kiddo.
What are you doing?
That's a good girl.
Here.
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH