Better Call Saul (2015–…): Season 6, Episode 12 - Waterworks - full transcript

Yeah.

Do you have
any idea what time it is?

Watched pot never boils, Francesca.

It's been an hour.

You've got a lobby
full of people out here,

and at eight o'clock, I am done.

I don't care if the building
burns down,

I'm going home.

Wow, you and your work ethic.

Did I ever tell you
how indispensable you are?

No?



How much longer, Saul?

You know what? I can't say.

So pass along
my sincerest apologies

and tell 'em I'm swamped.

Everyone can hear you
bouncing that thing.

That's the sound of thinking.

You should try it sometime.

Yeah?

What are you waiting for?

Send her in.

How's it coming?

Good.

Did you get the mayonnaise?

Well, here's the thing,



they didn't have Duke's,
and I really like Duke's.

But they didn't have it,
which is a bummer. So...

I dunno.

Think this'll work?

I mean, technically, it isn't
actually mayonnaise, but...

Yeah,

technically, I don't think
this is mayonnaise.

But close, right?

What do you think?
Should we give it a shot?

I dunno. What do you think?

Yeah.

Let's give it a shot.

Oh, my gosh.

I don't know.
It's as close as I could get.

Cissy, garnet and gold!
I see it plain as day.

Plus, they're really
beautiful, Cissy.

Ah, the red ones could
maybe pass for garnet.

But the "gold" ones
are just regular yellow.

Well, the minute I saw them
I said, "FSU!"

Besides, gold food coloring?

June, did you
ever even hear of that?

No! Sounds expensive.

And if they even
make such a thing,

you'd probably get flipper-hands

from all the chemicals
they'd put in it.

Well...

This is as close
as I could get, anyway.

- Oh, it's perfect, Cissy.
- Thank you.

- Oh, my gosh.
- Ah, this is all so beautiful.

- Everything looks amazing.
- Looks delicious.

Oh, I forgot spoons. Sorry.

Well, let me tell you
about epoxy...

Epoxy yellows.

You hit it
with enough sunlight...

- No. Well...
- He's right.

- Wait, no.
- No, he's right.

If you just use
a dark enough floor...

Guys, I'm telling you,
we're never gonna settle this.

I've been having this argument
five days a week,

but now I'm Sweden.

- Switzerland.
- You want something to drink?

- Wine coolers?
- Great. Cissy?

Marvin doesn't like me to drink.

Cissy, we're gonna get a
wine cooler down you one day.

That was fun.

Yeah. That was fun.

Yep.

Yep.

Yep.

Yep.

Yep.

Yep!

Yep.

That's it right there.

Good job, guys.

"Peter the Great
is buried inside me."

- "Find me in..."
- What did she say?

We're gonna help each other.

Boy, you gotta be in
shape to be on this show.

You sure do.

Lotsa running.

Yeah.

You think they ever ran
with the bulls on this show?

Like, in Spain?

Not that we've
seen, I don't think.

Maybe it's too dangerous.

What do you think?

Maybe.

Maybe.

Oh, I thought the potato
salad worked out great.

- You think?
- Yep.

Huh.

Looks like rain again.

Yeah. Does.

Oh, hey, they
opened a new Outback

down in Satellite Beach.

- You wanna go Friday?
- Sure.

It's a date.

Yes. Yes.

I don't want to not buy
her toys, but I also...

Could you tell
me the flange diameter

of 212-dash-17-backslash-H?

Great.

And does that come
in a three-inch riser,

or just the two-inch?

Great.

ABS or PVC?

Oh. Great.

- Hi.
- Hi.

We're
gonna sing at 5:00.

Oh. Great.

Let me see.

That's cute, June.

I'll pick up the
cake after lunch.

Do you remember what kind
of ice cream Tammy likes?

Uh... geez, no.

Yeah. So maybe...
What do you think?

Vanilla?

Or strawberry?

Ooh.

Um...

They're both good.

I know, right?

- Five o'clock.
- Okay, great.

No, nobody makes it that long.

Well, I mean, because...
I mean, think about it.

It's got to fit in
the truck, right?

So, how's it gonna
fit in the truck if...

Well, yeah, but nobody
makes a truck that long, so...

Safe to say.

Okay. Well, sorry we
couldn't be of service.

So... whatever
happened to crack?

How come you never hear
about it on the news anymore?

Did everybody just all
decide to stop taking it?

What's the drug that
makes you dance around

and put a pacifier
in your mouth?

- Ecstasy.
- Ecstasy!

That's the big one now.
I think that they have...

Yeah. That's the big one.

My sister's best friend's son?

Oh, my God...

But I don't
understand the pacifier.

Why would they
all need pacifiers?

Like, don't you think
if you ran a store

and some teenager
came in your store

and tried to buy a pacifier,

don't you think
you'd call the police?

- Yeah.
- Pbht! I sure would.

- Absolutely.
- Whatcha eating?

Tuna salad.

I made it with Miracle
Whip instead of mayonnaise.

- Hmm.
- I use almond butter instead of pean...

Mm.

When I woke up this morning,

guess what was
in my living room.

A freaking exercise bike.

Yeah. I can't believe he
got that for my birthday.

Hold on a second.

Palm Coast Sprinkler,
watering your world since 1978.

Please hold.

Yep?

Kim, there's a Viktor St.
Claire for you on line three.

Kim?

Uh, yep. Okay.

Yeah. So, what do
you think about that?

That's pretty rude.

What brand is it?

I don't care who made it.

I don't care if it's
Megatron 3000

or worth $4 million.

I'm gonna ride it
straight back to the store,

and guess what he's gonna
get for his next birthday.

Some hair regrowth serum,

and I'm gonna laugh at him.

Yeah.

Kim Wexler.

Hey, Kim.

You know who this is?

I'm gonna take that as a yes.

Uh, that receptionist of yours,

is she the type to listen in?

- No. - Good.

Okay.

So, how's Florida
been treating you?

I'm catching you between
hurricanes, I hope.

Kim, you there?

What do you want?

I don't... I don't want anything.

I just...

It's been a while, you know?

Just... I'm thinking
it's been a while,

and, um, might
be nice to catch up.

- "Catch up." - Yeah.

My mind was wandering
this morning. I was just...

Not thinking anything in
particular. Just random thoughts.

And, bam, it suddenly occurred
to me it's been six years.

I mean, Jesus.

I, I couldn't believe it.

I thought you might
wanna know I'm still alive.

Yep.

I'm still out here, still
getting away with it.

The feds couldn't
find their own ass

with both hands
and a proctologist.

You shouldn't be calling me.

Oh, hey! You're awake!

You shouldn't be calling.

Why not? What,
am I tying up the line

for important
irrigation business?

I mean, come on, Kim. Say something.

You can call me an
asshole, yell at me.

Just let me know
you've still got a pulse.

Just say something.

You want me to say something?

Yeah.

You should turn yourself in.

Do what?

You heard me.

I don't know what kind
of life you've been living,

but it can't be much.

Said the pot to the kettle!

What... That is...

That is really rich, you...
You preaching to me?

See, you have no idea
what I did or didn't do, okay?

A-And why don't
you turn yourself in,

seeing as how you're the one

with the guilty conscience, huh?

What... What is stopping you?

Fring's in the ground.

Mike's in the ground.
Lalo's in the ground.

Apparently.

You don't have to hold
back on my account.

They can only hang me
once. So... So go ahead.

Spill your guts! Put on your
hair shirt, see what it gets you!

Why...

Kim, why are we
even talking about this?

We're both too smart to throw
our lives away for no reason.

Just...

I just... I only wanted to...

Kim.

Kim?

Kim.

I'm glad you're alive.

Yeah?

Time to sing!

Okay.

I can't leave before
the judge dismisses you.

I'll make sure they're aware.

Now, just remember
to sit up straight

and listen carefully when
the judge addresses you.

Stay attentive and engaged.

Even if you're not so sure
what's going on, don't show it.

All right. Come here.

- Tuck your shirt in for me, will you?
- Okay.

You gotta look
good for the judge.

Because of your record...

Kim?

Hi, Cheryl.

I'm out front.

Howard was murdered?

Why?

He was...

in the wrong place
at the wrong time.

Where's his body?

I don't know.

And the police?

Will they search again?

They'll search.

I don't think they'll find him.

Cheryl, he...

It... it all happened
in an instant.

And he didn't...
He didn't suffer.

"He didn't suffer."

The lies you two made up.

The picture you painted.

That's all he is now.

That's all anybody remembers.

I want to change that.

What happens now?

Will you be tried?

Will you go to jail?

I don't know.

You're a lawyer, right?

You're a... A
great one, Howard said!

How could you not know?

Bernalillo County
has my affidavit.

It's up to the district
attorney whether to prosecute.

And she may not.

Why?

There's no physical evidence.

No remaining witnesses
other than my ex-husband,

assuming he's still alive.

I could sue you in civil court.

I could take
everything you've got.

Yeah.

Why are you doing this?

Oh, God!

Passwords. Passwords...

Hmm.

A hat man.

Holy shit.

Nothing to see here.

Move on.

Look at this bullshit.

Look.

Look. What would you call this?

I'd call that...

I dunno, what?

Would you call that a fish taco?

Could anybody call this a
fish taco? I mean, legally?

Stop waving that thing at me.

Look at this!

There's one piece
of goddamned pollock

no bigger than the
end of my thumb.

Now, how can you
even call that a...

Like am I s'posed
to do something?

What do you want
me to do about it?

Well, I want you
to look inside there

and tell me what you see.

Huh? W-Would
you or would you not

sell this to an
unsuspecting public?

Why do you persist
in ordering fish

when we're 1,400 miles
away from the nearest ocean?

Because it's on
the menu, all right?

Because I live in the 21st
goddamn century, all right?

Mm.

And this? This is some bullshit.

I'm telling you, I got half a
mind to go on back over there

and smack somebody
in their face there.

Yes!

What do you think?

Pretty great, right?

Yeah, it's, um...

Yep.

I just need your printed
name and signature.

So, Florida.

Florida, Florida, Florida...

Why there?

- I guess...
- It doesn't matter.

Doesn't have to make sense.

Hey, I gotta tell you, I
think you're gonna regret

not taking your share
of the Sandpiper money.

That'd buy a shitload
of swampland.

I will, um,

file these tomorrow.

All right. Well.

Have a nice life, Kim.

Hey, Sweetcheeks,
who do we got next?

Let's make some money!

Emilio Koyama!

Where's your paperwork?

I don't do no paperwork.

He doesn't do paperwork!

Who cares? Come on, come on.

Hey, yo, could I
bum one of those?

Thanks.

Mm.

What's up with this shit?

Rainy.

Yeah. No. It... It's crazy.

It's like bananas,
all this rain.

I mean, I thought we were,
like, in a desert, you know?

You're a lawyer, right?

Ah. I recognize you.

You defended my buddy Combo.

Christian Ortega.

Juvie court, stole a Baby Jesus.

I mean, not like a
real baby, just a...

You know, one of those
things outside of the church.

- Nativity scene.
- Yeah.

Knights of Columbus.

I mean, what the hell did
he even want that thing for?

- Huh?
- I mean, I... I still don't know.

Dumbass.

I told him he could go to Hell

for stealing something
like that, I mean.

But did he listen to me? No.

But you, you got him
off, like, scot-free. That...

That was pretty slick, yo.

Well, tell him I hope he's
keeping his nose clean.

Yeah, yeah, right on.

Absolutely.

Ah.

Hey, so, you having all
this expertise and all...

This guy Goodman?

He the real deal?

Like, lawyer-wise?

Why do you ask?

I got a buddy in there who's
facing some serious time.

I mean, not... you know,
not Baby Jesus-time,

but... but serious.

You know, he needs
top-shelf legal representation.

And I tell him that, right?

But, you know, he sees this
dude's commercials on TV

and this is where
he wants to go.

And I tell him, "Yo, Emilio, you
know, a funny TV commercial

is not a sound basis
for, like, you know..."

I mean, like, would you
go to doctor to do, like,

an operation on you in like a...

On, like, your
spleen or whatever

on the fact of a
funny TV commercial?

No. I mean, come on.

How is this any different?

You know?

Anyway...

Is this guy any good?

When I knew him, he was.

Hello?

Hey, uh, Dad?

It's me. It's... It's Jeff.

Jeff? What time is it?

Are you okay?

Yeah, no, not really.

Um, I, uh...

Dad, I got arrested.

Oh, no.

What for? Jeffie.

It's like this crazy
mistake, you know?

I mean, I had an accident, okay?

A, a little fender-bender
type deal, no, no big thing.

My foot maybe slipped
on the accelerator,

or maybe it was a
defective... I dunno.

But that's not
the big-deal part.

The big-deal part is,

they think that I, me,
committed a robbery.

And why would they think that?

I know, right?

The place where I
had the accident?

This guy? This drunk guy?

He comes wandering
out of his house

and flags down the cops,
the, the police, and says,

"Hey, you know, I got robbed!"

And sure enough, the police?

They find evidence of,
like, breaking and entering.

And, and, and stuff is
missing, which I did not do.

And, uh... yeah. Like that.

Well, the police are obviously
barking up the wrong tree.

Yeah. No shit, wrong tree!

- Wrong, like, forest.
- Exactly.

Because you would never
do something like that,

would you, son?

No. No. No way,
man. Absolutely not.

Uh, when the police
took you into custody,

did they find any of this
so-called stolen merchandise?

Was it in your possession?

- No. - Of course it wasn't.

Because you
didn't steal anything.

Therefore, since there's no evidence
whatsoever that you committed any crime,

I'd say you got
nothing to worry about.

So, what happens next?

Breathe deep and sit tight.

I'll have you out by lunchtime.

You coming down here yourself?

Nah, I think it'll be your mom.

You'll talk to her for me?

I sure will.

I'll straighten it all
out, no problem.

Yeah, okay. Good.

Jeff, you're gonna get the best
legal defense in the whole wide world.

Trust your old man on that.

Okay, copy that. Sit tight.

You do that.

Keep your shirt on.

Hello?

Gene.

Gene, Honey, do you
know what time it is?

Oh. Oh, God. That boy.

He's gonna put me in my grave.

Marion.

It's a mistake, is all.

Getting picked up for
something you didn't do?

That could happen to anybody.

Yeah, right, anyone.

This isn't the first
time, you know.

He's been in trouble before.

Oh, Jesus.

- Marion...
- The death of me.

He's gonna be the death of me.

Marion. Marion, it's
gonna be all right.

We'll get him outta
there lickety-split.

I've been through this before.

There's nothing
lickety-split about it.

Back when he was
living in Albuquerque?

Drunk in public,
resisting arrest,

urinating in
someplace he shouldn't have.

And me on the telephone
for hours, long distance,

trying to find him one
of those bail-out places.

I maxed out my Discover card.

I'm still paying for that one.

Well, money's not
gonna be a problem,

'cause I'm gonna
help you with that.

No. Gene, I can't
let you do that. No.

Sure you can.
Jeff'll pay me back.

And you don't have to worry
about a bondsman, either.

Because guess what?

In Omaha, they don't have 'em.

All right? You just
walk into the station

and you pay a
straight cash bail.

It's not like
Albuquerque at all.

Marion, you still there?

Yeah. Why...

Why did Jeff
call you instead of me?

Well, I think he was
scared at how you'd take it.

Honestly, I was gonna
pay the bail myself,

but I think it should
be a family member.

I think that'd be best.

I'll tell you what, I'm gonna
take a shower, get dressed.

And you do the same.

I'll swing by and pick you up.

We'll get this whole
thing squared away.

Wh-what about Buddy?
Is he in any trouble?

I don't think so.

Why would he be?

I'll see you in about an hour.

Yeah, okay. Yeah. Thanks.

Marion!

Marion!

Marion?

Marion?

- Oh!
- Hey.

Hi.

Oh, hey.

Everything okay?

Oh, yeah. I'm sorry.

I... I just lost
track of the time.

That's okay.

Uh, you wanna
put some clothes on

so that we can get moving?

What do you say?

Uh, you know, well, I, I...

I don't wanna slow things down.

I think maybe you
oughta go without me.

Partying, minding my own business.

You are under arrest.

I better call Saul!

Hi. I'm Saul Goodman.

Did you know that
you have rights?

The Constitution says
you do, and so do I.

I believe that,
until proven guilty,

every man, woman, and
child in this country is innocent.

And that's
why I fight for you, Albuquerque!

Better Call Saul.

What's that?

You tell me.

Marion, do you think that's me?

'Cause it's not.

There never was
a Nippy, was there?

What did Jeff tell you?

Oh, he didn't tell me anything.

Ask Jeeves told me.

I typed in "con man"
and "Albuquerque,"

and up you popped, big as day.

What are you doing, Marion?

What do you think I'm
doing? I'm calling the police.

Here, lemme help you with that.

Listen, I think
we're losing sight

of the bigger
picture here, okay?

Jeff is in trouble,
and I wanna help him.

He and I sure could
use your support here.

What did you get my son into?

Nothing that he didn't ask for.

Now, listen,

I'm still the good friend
you thought I was, okay?

Jeff understands me,
Buddy understands me.

And you will, too.

It's just, you have to, uh,

you know, keep things
on an even keel, all right?

- What have you got there?
- Uh...

- Put that down.
- Huh...

Put that down, Marion.

Put it down.

Do not do it, Marion.

Final warning.

I trusted you.

Marion?
This is Valerie with Life Alert.

Are you okay?

No, Valerie, I'm not okay.

There's a criminal standing
in my kitchen, threatening me!

He's a wanted man,

and his name is Saul Goodman!

All right, Marion,
I'm calling the police.

I'm calling right now.