Better Call Saul (2015–…): Season 6, Episode 11 - Episode #6.11 - full transcript
Guys, come on, talk to me!
Habla, por favor?
Yo soy abogado!
Abogado! Abogado!
Oh. Crap,
you already knew that.
Jesus, fellas?
There's a better way to do this!
Hello?
Ohh. Why are we...
Why are we going off-road?
Ohh! Ohh!
Whatever this is, can we
please, don't do it in the desert?
Anywhere but the desert!
Oh! Oh, God, I'm gonna be sick.
Ohh!
Ahh. Ahh.
This, we can... we can fix this.
Whatever the problemo,
we can fix it with dinero.
Mucho dinero.
Mucho, mucho, mucho dinero.
Come on, please.
One of you, just you talk.
Habla.
Come on, before
mistakes are made.
Come on, talk to me, guys, huh?
Please, come on, just
tell me what you want!
Geez!
Whoa!
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
No! It wasn't me!
It was Ignacio! He's the one!
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
You can't put seeds
and stems in the sink.
Put what or what?
Seeds and stems.
You can't put them
down the drain.
Uh, we didn't do that.
Then what's this?
Regular sink stuff.
Listen, if you're
gonna do this shit,
at least flush it down
the toilet, not the sink.
W-What're you, my mom?
We don't have drugs here.
Uh-huh.
You don't believe us.
She doesn't believe us.
You sleep past noon, you don't
seem to have regular employment.
Plus, your whole place
smells like a skunk's butthole.
Also, your sink is full
of stems and seeds.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look, narca,
we're not doing drugs,
so stop trying
to cast, y'know...
aspersions.
Narca?
Yeah. "Narca."
The feminine version of "narco."
Conjugate much?
I gotta go.
Just leave the plunger outside
the door when you're done.
But, uh, it's still
clogged, dude.
You do it, dude.
Hold up, where you goin'?
Yo, lady, we pay rent.
You can do it.
It's a simple up
and down motion,
like you're used to.
Okay. Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
Oh, good.
You're there. Great.
Great.
Unencumbered by curious
eyes and ears, I'm guessing.
Wouldn't have
picked up otherwise.
Right.
Excellent.
Um, okay. Well, then.
Lay it on me.
First things first.
No. I... I believe
we agreed "after."
I'm hanging up.
Okay! Okay, then!
Geez, I...
Okay, if you're... if
you're facing the phone,
turn right 90 degrees
and, uh, walk straight.
You'll see some pieces of
broken concrete in the dirt.
Just pull back the one that's
kinda shaped like New Jersey.
New Jersey?
Alfred Hitchcock in a fez.
Whatever.
Just pull that one back,
and you'll see a,
um, soda can tab.
It's got a fishing
line tied to it.
Follow that line,
it'll take you to
an old water line,
and just keep
pulling the string,
and you'll get what I promised.
Okay.
Great. Was it all there?
I mean, the rats didn't
eat it or anything?
It's all here.
Okay, well, uh,
tell me, how hot?
How hot?
Yeah.
Well... I still get followed.
Not as often as when
the shit first hit the fan,
but I still see them.
My mail gets opened.
My phone at home
clicks whenever I use it.
So the maestro buying the
farm, it didn't change anything?
No. If anything,
it made it worse.
Skyler White got her deal.
So the only ones
left to go after
are you and Pinkman.
And I heard they found
his car down by the border,
so, adios, dopehead.
Oh, so they're still into me.
Well...
Hey, what do you know
about the nail salons?
Nail salons are gone.
Wha... Gone? All of them?
Yep.
What about the vending machines?
- Gone.
- Jesus!
Ah, don't tell me... Laser tag?
Feds found it all, Saul.
But how?
It was shells within shells!
Damn it!
Damn it, okay...
Okay.
Hey, oh, what if...
Let's say there was
an overseas account,
um, Antigua and Barbuda...
Tigerfish Corporation?
- What?
- Tigerfish Corporation?
$850k? I gave it to the feds.
You did what? Why
would you do that?
Time has expired.
God damn it!
- Please deposit...
- You... You put my name
on the board of a
fictional corporation.
I had to give it up. I
didn't really have a choice.
A-And a heads up would've
been nice, by the way.
So it's gone?
It's all gone?
Those sons of
bitches took everything.
Except what you took with you.
And I'm guessing that
wasn't chump change.
Yeah. Well...
Well.
- Guess that's it.
- Wait, wait, wait.
Come on, I just put
more quarters in.
Can't you just, I don't know,
gimme the lowdown.
There's nothing else.
Well, that's not true.
After all this time? Come on.
Just fill me in.
What... Um, how's Kuby?
No idea.
All right, how about Huell?
Huell.
I guess back home
in New Orleans.
DEA held him under false
pretenses or something,
so last I heard, he walked.
Good. Um, how about Danny?
Or, uh, or Ira?
I mean, any word
on those two guys?
They have Internet
where you are?
Well, just, come on,
give me something.
There's gotta be some news.
Uh, remember Bill Oakley?
He switched sides.
He came out, huh?
No, he's not gay.
He's a defense attorney now.
Huh.
Well, I mean, what about you?
How are you doin'?
Oh, I'm just great.
Prince Rainier proposed.
The private jet is taking us
to the palace on Thursday.
Yeah. Okay.
Well, I guess that's it, then.
I did get one call.
After everything went down.
Kim.
Checking in on me.
No kidding?
Mm-hmm.
Your name came up.
Asked if you were alive.
She asked about me?
What did you tell her?
Nothing.
But she asked?
Yep.
Oh, okay. Well...
Uh, I guess...
this is goodbye.
Hello? Hello?
Hi, I need a number in Florida.
Titusville.
Palm Coast Sprinklers.
It's on a road, um...
It's named after a fish.
Uh...
Tarpon Road, right.
Uh, well, can you
put me through? I'll...
Say again, how much?
Okay.
Hi.
I'm looking for Kim Wexler.
I believe she works there.
Oh.
Another good one.
Oh, hey, Jeffie! Look
what the cat dragged in!
Hey. Hey, Gene.
Yeah. Your mom
was just showing me
this computer you bought her.
Yeah, well, he...
he got it for me,
and I didn't know what
the hell to do with it, but, uh,
look, Gene showed me.
- You... You go to the box up here...
- Mm-hmm.
And then you type
in "funny cat videos."
I mean, that's it, just
"funny cat videos."
These funny
cat videos just pop up!
Look at this one. Look, look.
Cat eating an ice cream.
Can you believe it?
It's like America's
Funniest Home Videos,
but you get to be the host.
Ooh, wouldn't that be something?
Wow.
Hey, uh, Jeffie, get some glasses,
and we can pour the ol' Schnapps, huh?
Yeah.
I thought a computer would
be good for her, you know?
It was on sale.
Not a... big buy at all.
Well, I think it's great.
Treat your mom
right, that's what I say.
- Hey, Marion...
- Hmm?
How about, uh, we leave
you to the cat videos,
and Jeff and I take
our drink to go?
I mean, is that car running?
I'd love to take a gander.
Come on.
Okay.
I swear, the computer's
the one big thing I bought,
and it's not even that much.
It's a... it's an old
model on discount.
And nobody said
nothing to nobody.
N-not me, not Buddy.
Living our lives like
normal, just like you said.
- Stop talking.
- But I want to...
Jeff. Stop talking.
I need you to answer
some questions.
First up, you have
a night shift, right?
You mean the graveyard shift?
At the cab company? Yeah.
What are the hours?
They got a 9:00-to-6:00,
a midnight-to-9:00.
- Why?
- Get on the 9:00-to-6:00.
After that, we need to get our
hands on some barbiturates.
What?
You're shitting me?
What're we gonna do with them?
But you said we're done.
You said, "Cross to the
other side of the street"
if I see you coming.
So we're back in business?
Oh, hell, yeah.
Brandy!
Con gusto!
Wow.
Ah.
Wow.
He did that.
Ah-di-di-di-da-da.
Well.
That must've been
what it would be like
if you watched the
Hindenburg go down.
But worse, am I right?
- Yeah, well, with gusto, right?
- Gusto.
- A bet's a bet.
- With gusto!
Hey, what do you
say we go again?
Up the stakes?
Loser has to sing with
his shirt off this time...
No, no, no. No more bets, okay?
Come on, I haven't
been right once.
Aw, what's the
matter, wittle fella,
you haven't been wight once?
Not once?
Hey, can we get more peanuts?
Come on, Viktor!
Don't be a wuss.
I'm not a wuss.
That's right. You're not.
You... You gotta believe
in yourself, little buddy.
Let's do one more bet.
One more bet. One more bet.
- No. No more.
- Come on, come on. Come on, come on.
No more lemon wedges on my nose,
no more trick coins, no
more toothpick puzzles.
I, I'm not good at this.
Viktor.
This is an easy one.
Now, you grab the
hundo before I do,
you get to keep it.
I grab the hundo first,
you buy another round.
Only rule is, you can't
move until I move.
Yeah, but I'm... I'm
so much closer to it.
It's like giving me the money.
So you want to take the bet?
Yeah, I'll take it.
Oh, son of a bitch!
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
You lose, sucker.
Another round, good man,
once again courtesy
of my little friend.
All right, all right.
Aw. You're fun.
Gracias.
Ah-di-di-di-da-da-
da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
You know, you're
all right, Viktor.
Yeah, I just wish I
knew how you did it.
Well, you see,
I'm a man of many talents.
And you are a man of very few.
Kidding!
Kidding. Maybe.
Ah.
Every time, every time,
she'll never see it coming.
Yeah.
Shh... Yeah...
I need some night air.
Well.
Easy.
Looks like one of
our cabs is here.
Ohh. I'll bet you for it.
No bets.
Come on, now, hear me out.
It's simple.
Don't be such a pussy, baby.
Look...
What?
Simple as simple can be.
Balance this book of matches on
the back of your hand for ten seconds.
That's it, and the cab's yours.
I'll even pay for it.
You're just gonna
punch me or something...
No, I promise. My hands
won't touch your body.
And I won't blow it off
the back of your hand.
Really?
My body will not touch your body
or the matches.
Fine.
- Huh?
- I gotta win one, right?
All right.
That's right, you do.
Okay, now.
Count with me.
Ten...
- Nine, eight...
- Nine, eight...
Jesus! Jesus!
Loser!
I'll see you around
next time, pal.
This was fun!
Oh, and, Viktor,
you can keep the matches.
You call for a ride?
Nah. I'm good.
You okay back there?
Yeah. I'm fine.
Got a lotta booze and,
uh, nuts in my mouth.
I got water here, if you want.
On the house.
Car 357, what's your status?
Yeah, car 357,
I'm about ten minutes
away from my drop
at, uh, 17 Del Mar Place.
357, head to the
airport when you're done.
Copy that.
You doing okay, sir?
Yeah. I'm fine.
Hey, you can go.
I'm not giving you another tip.
No problem, sir.
Feel better.
What the hell is this?
It's like James Whale's
travelling road show in here.
Whoever the hell that is.
The Crystal Ship
definitely travels.
I'm sorry, you said
the "what" travels?
Crystal Ship. It's
what I call this thing.
All right. Never mind.
Just... No details.
We're paying him to do a
job, let's just leave it at that.
No details? Fellas, that...
That money you put in my pocket,
that doesn't just
extend to this job.
That will get you
attorney-client privilege
on, on all matters.
No. Details.
Look at this set-up.
I... What, you two drive
around like Mister Softee,
scooping out drugs for
all the good boys and girls?
No, we don't deal from here.
I said, "No details."
Dude is standing in
front of a meth lab.
It's not like he ain't gonna
put two and two together.
He is on a need-to-know basis.
Oh. I didn't wanna show my face.
Did he need to know that?
So, you're not
just distribution.
You're the whole
freakin' package.
You two actually
make the blue stuff.
Here?
That's amazing.
Can you not touch...
I mean, look at this.
I had a fish that could've
used this as a vacation home.
But you're using it to
make the goods, huh?
Yeah. That's a, uh,
round-bottom flask.
- Mm.
- Right?
Round-bottom?
It's a flask for distilling.
It won't be if you break it.
Now, please, put it down.
Oh.
Okay, so, if you
cook the blue stuff,
then that means
you're Igor and...
And that makes you...
You're Heisenberg.
Wow.
Hey, tell me, how...
How much product can you
churn out with a set-up like this?
No, we're done. We're
done with the questions.
- Mm. - We ask the questions.
You have a job, one job,
and I still don't understand
how you're going to pull it off.
Listen, when I get
all my ducks in a row,
I'll give you a PowerPoint
down at the office.
But until then, just... just bring
what we talked about, okay?
And don't worry, I'm
gonna make it work.
I'm taking the $80,000
as a starting point
for negotiation.
Take it any way you
want, that's the price.
And, uh... I'm callin' shotgun.
I will drive.
Oh, yeah, sure, I'll
just stand, I guess.
Dick.
At least you won't
be rolling around
like the last Christmas ham
in the back of
the delivery truck.
You know, I...
I've got bad knees.
Think you might've
messed up my rotator cuff.
You're lucky I'm not charging
you for my chiropractor.
She's expensive.
But she adjusts everything.
Damn it.
You gotta give it some
gas when you're backing up.
I gave it the proper
amount of gas.
I guess that's why
we're moving, then.
Look, it just was
idling too long.
It'll start.
Oh, you shoulda
just let me drive, yo.
Look, nothing would be
different in this moment
except you panicking
and flooding the engine.
Bullshit.
Fellas, I was enjoying
the Laurel and Hardy vibe,
but I'm not such a
fan of the Bickersons.
Now, can you get
me back to my office?
I, I got work to do if you
want me to make some magic.
We just need to sit a moment.
That's all.
When it idles too long,
the fuel pump overheats,
and so we just need
to let it cool down.
So.
Who's Lalo?
Who?
Lalo.
You thought some
dude named Lalo sent us.
You seemed pretty freaked out.
Never heard of no
Lalo on the street.
It's nobody.
Hey, are you gonna
try that again, 'cause...
Or are they gonna find us,
you know, buried in a sandstorm
a thousand years from now?
Just please.
Bravo.
I second that.
And let me give you
two free words of advice.
Jiffy Lube.
Hold on.
Where did you read that?
Personal Finance for Dummies?
I mean, is it wrong?
Yeah. Big time.
Don't put all your eggs
in one basket, genius.
Yeah, this is mine.
- How about a water?
- Sure. Thanks.
You wanna know my trick?
Play your own game,
don't get caught up with
what the other guys are buying.
Mm-hmm.
Like the man says,
you never know who's swimming
nude until the tide goes out.
I guess.
But, I mean, with
this financial stuff,
it feels like the
game is rigged.
The big guys always win.
Well...
I wish I could disagree
with you, Viktor, but I can't.
There is definitely dishonesty.
But the majority, I believe,
are straight shooters.
Now, the... the
folks responsible
for, uh,
Enron, WorldCom...
Madoff and his ilk...
Mm.
I gotta believe there's
a special place in Hell
for those people.
Yeah.
But in my experience,
that's the exception.
Y-You can't let a few bad
apples spoil it for the rest of us.
In fact...
Sorry.
Those look exotic.
I-I went through that phase.
I took every vitamin there was.
Hey, guess how many pills I took
to try to keep the
hair on my head.
Worked like a charm.
What are those for?
Cancer.
Oh.
Sorry.
Uh.
Uh, is it, uh... is it bad?
Well, it ain't the good kind.
Come on. More drinks.
This one's on me.
Get two more here, please?
Hey, uh, it's none
of my business,
but, um...
should you be drinkin'?
You only go around once.
You got that right.
You sure you don't
want to take this one, Vik?
I can wait.
No. It's all you.
Ah, okay.
Feed me, what do we got?
You remember
to take your fish oil?
- I did. - B-12?
- Did it. - L-arginine?
Got 'em all. Next.
You're supposed to file that
appellate brief for Hemple by 4:00.
Crap. Um, hey,
could you put down the travel
magazine and help with that?
Not a paralegal, Saul.
Anyway, your
12:30 just walked in.
Aces. Send him in.
Oh! Enter, Sunshine.
Cast some light into
my cold, dark world.
Hello? You're on
the clock, right?
So give with the info anytime.
When you're done.
No, I can multitask, please.
I'm not gonna talk to
you while you're on...
whatever that is.
You know, LBJ used to have
his underlings give him reports
while he was on the shitter.
Uh-huh.
Well, either I'm gonna leave,
or I'm gonna put
my foot in your skull.
Fine.
But you should try one of these.
You walk like Frankenstein
after he was probed by aliens.
I can get you one.
It would do
wonders for your chi.
Let's go, lay it on me.
All right. First.
There's your Mrs. Denise Gabler.
She's cheating, all right.
Limber.
Ha-ha!
Well, at least I know
they didn't spot you.
No one could stay that aroused
with your mug peeking
through the window.
What else you got?
Well, next, I followed
your bus driver.
News flash. He really
does have a broken neck.
Fantastic.
That makes my life much easier.
Keep it coming.
Second story guy
out of Indianapolis.
Lasky. Did a dime at Menard.
Now, if you're
looking for a talent
who'll keep his mouth
shut, you can trust him.
I say he's worth
keeping an eye on.
Second story guy,
second story guy.
I got... I got more second
story guys in my book
than pimples at a Junior prom.
What about, uh,
that Heisenberg fella?
High school chemistry teacher.
You're shittin' me. Really?
Walter Hartwell White.
Chemistry teacher
over at JP Wynne.
Working with a former
student, current meth head,
one Jesse Pinkman.
Wow.
Uh, what else about the teacher?
He has lung cancer.
Jesus.
That's why he can't
quit with the coughing.
How bad?
Stage Three A.
He's in treatment,
more tests to come,
but it doesn't look good.
Now, listen, even if
this guy was gonna live,
I wouldn't go near him.
He's a complete amateur.
Well, you see an amateur.
I see... 170
pounds of clay ready to be molded.
Well, if the cancer
doesn't get him,
it'll be the cops or
a bullet to the head.
Is that your appraisal
or is that what
"He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named"
says about him?
He doesn't say anything.
The guy's small potatoes.
Yeah, okay. I hear you.
I just...
I got a feeling about this.
This Heisenberg
guy's got something.
It's top of the line product,
that's the buzz on the street,
and I just think, with
the right management...
You know, years ago,
I bought a Betamax.
Good product. "Top of the line."
Experts said it was
better than a VHS.
Turned out to be a complete
waste of time and money.
Hmm?
Let it go.
Guy with that mustache
probably doesn't make
a lot of good life choices.
So, yeah,
uh, the second story guy.
- Uh, Menard, you said?
- Yeah, right, right, right.
All right, part of
a high-end crew
fencing jewelry up into Canada.
Now, the Lasky kid
caught a bad break.
The cop was driving by just
as he was ducking in a window.
He did the time,
no one else on his
crew went down. Solid.
Known for their
vast migration patterns through Africa,
nearly two million wildebeests
travel 2,000 miles each year...
making their migration
one of the greatest on Earth.
The herd seeks fresh grass, following
the rain through Kenya and Tanzania.
Gathering each year to
prepare for the journey,
one that's been taking
place for a million years.
The voyage is not easy.
While traveling, the herd
must stay well fed, rested
and free of disease
or be left behi...
Couple
more. And shuffle, ladies.
Just like that.
Now L step.
Four times.
Fabulous!
Let me see you having fun.
Yeah.
W... Uh.
What do you mean?
He what?
Tell... Tell him to get his ass
back to the garage right now.
You cutie-patootie.
You think you've seen
everything.
Shut that goddamn
dog up and get back in here.
Get in.
You're kidding me. You're
absolutely kidding me.
I'm sorry, man. I couldn't...
Do you know how much
time, how much effort,
I put into finding
the perfect mark?
I have to weed
through all these saps
who have wives
and families at home,
find somebody who's
alone with money,
and, what, so you
can just wimp out?
The guy has cancer, man.
I found pills in his pocket.
Okay? The same ones my dad took.
For, like, pancreatic cancer.
So? A guy with cancer
can't be an asshole?
Believe me, I
speak from experience.
I can't rip off a guy
with cancer. I'm sorry.
Do you know how many of the suckers
we've ripped off have sob stories?
Every single one of them.
Besides, it'll be months
before they even realize
they've been taken.
This guy will already be dead.
So, please,
get back in your truck,
go back to the house,
and finish the job.
No, man. I can't do that.
I can't.
Look, all right.
I get it.
You get over it, okay?
Please, believe me. Y...
Before you know it,
you forget all about it.
Go.
Well, l-look,
we're doing really well, right?
Hear me out, okay?
I mean, we're rolling in cash.
We can just let this one go.
Not your call.
Yeah, but I,
I pulled the tape when I left.
The door's locked.
We couldn't get back in
even if we wanted to.
Jeff, come on, man,
back me up here.
Huh?
Oh, well... I, I don't know.
I mean, I can see
both sides, kinda.
You know, forget it.
You're fired. Just go.
Just gimme the camera and go.
Fine.
Good. Go. We don't need you.
And I know
I don't need to tell you this,
but since you're
such a goddamned amateur,
I will anyway.
Keep your mouth shut.
If we're gonna do this,
we should leave now.
We're really
gonna go back there?
What'd I just say?
Jeff, are you in or out?
What?
I'm down for this. I am.
- But, uh...
- But what?
What time did the guy
take the drugs?
We gave it to him, what?
Three hours ago?
I don't even know
if he finished it.
He might be awake by now.
Don't worry about it.
Yeah, but...
I said don't worry about it.
It'll be fine.
That's it. Right there.
Come back
and get me in 20 minutes.
Just roll up slow,
like you're picking up a fare.
It'll be fine. Relax.
Habla, por favor?
Yo soy abogado!
Abogado! Abogado!
Oh. Crap,
you already knew that.
Jesus, fellas?
There's a better way to do this!
Hello?
Ohh. Why are we...
Why are we going off-road?
Ohh! Ohh!
Whatever this is, can we
please, don't do it in the desert?
Anywhere but the desert!
Oh! Oh, God, I'm gonna be sick.
Ohh!
Ahh. Ahh.
This, we can... we can fix this.
Whatever the problemo,
we can fix it with dinero.
Mucho dinero.
Mucho, mucho, mucho dinero.
Come on, please.
One of you, just you talk.
Habla.
Come on, before
mistakes are made.
Come on, talk to me, guys, huh?
Please, come on, just
tell me what you want!
Geez!
Whoa!
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
No! It wasn't me!
It was Ignacio! He's the one!
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
You can't put seeds
and stems in the sink.
Put what or what?
Seeds and stems.
You can't put them
down the drain.
Uh, we didn't do that.
Then what's this?
Regular sink stuff.
Listen, if you're
gonna do this shit,
at least flush it down
the toilet, not the sink.
W-What're you, my mom?
We don't have drugs here.
Uh-huh.
You don't believe us.
She doesn't believe us.
You sleep past noon, you don't
seem to have regular employment.
Plus, your whole place
smells like a skunk's butthole.
Also, your sink is full
of stems and seeds.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look, narca,
we're not doing drugs,
so stop trying
to cast, y'know...
aspersions.
Narca?
Yeah. "Narca."
The feminine version of "narco."
Conjugate much?
I gotta go.
Just leave the plunger outside
the door when you're done.
But, uh, it's still
clogged, dude.
You do it, dude.
Hold up, where you goin'?
Yo, lady, we pay rent.
You can do it.
It's a simple up
and down motion,
like you're used to.
Okay. Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
Oh, good.
You're there. Great.
Great.
Unencumbered by curious
eyes and ears, I'm guessing.
Wouldn't have
picked up otherwise.
Right.
Excellent.
Um, okay. Well, then.
Lay it on me.
First things first.
No. I... I believe
we agreed "after."
I'm hanging up.
Okay! Okay, then!
Geez, I...
Okay, if you're... if
you're facing the phone,
turn right 90 degrees
and, uh, walk straight.
You'll see some pieces of
broken concrete in the dirt.
Just pull back the one that's
kinda shaped like New Jersey.
New Jersey?
Alfred Hitchcock in a fez.
Whatever.
Just pull that one back,
and you'll see a,
um, soda can tab.
It's got a fishing
line tied to it.
Follow that line,
it'll take you to
an old water line,
and just keep
pulling the string,
and you'll get what I promised.
Okay.
Great. Was it all there?
I mean, the rats didn't
eat it or anything?
It's all here.
Okay, well, uh,
tell me, how hot?
How hot?
Yeah.
Well... I still get followed.
Not as often as when
the shit first hit the fan,
but I still see them.
My mail gets opened.
My phone at home
clicks whenever I use it.
So the maestro buying the
farm, it didn't change anything?
No. If anything,
it made it worse.
Skyler White got her deal.
So the only ones
left to go after
are you and Pinkman.
And I heard they found
his car down by the border,
so, adios, dopehead.
Oh, so they're still into me.
Well...
Hey, what do you know
about the nail salons?
Nail salons are gone.
Wha... Gone? All of them?
Yep.
What about the vending machines?
- Gone.
- Jesus!
Ah, don't tell me... Laser tag?
Feds found it all, Saul.
But how?
It was shells within shells!
Damn it!
Damn it, okay...
Okay.
Hey, oh, what if...
Let's say there was
an overseas account,
um, Antigua and Barbuda...
Tigerfish Corporation?
- What?
- Tigerfish Corporation?
$850k? I gave it to the feds.
You did what? Why
would you do that?
Time has expired.
God damn it!
- Please deposit...
- You... You put my name
on the board of a
fictional corporation.
I had to give it up. I
didn't really have a choice.
A-And a heads up would've
been nice, by the way.
So it's gone?
It's all gone?
Those sons of
bitches took everything.
Except what you took with you.
And I'm guessing that
wasn't chump change.
Yeah. Well...
Well.
- Guess that's it.
- Wait, wait, wait.
Come on, I just put
more quarters in.
Can't you just, I don't know,
gimme the lowdown.
There's nothing else.
Well, that's not true.
After all this time? Come on.
Just fill me in.
What... Um, how's Kuby?
No idea.
All right, how about Huell?
Huell.
I guess back home
in New Orleans.
DEA held him under false
pretenses or something,
so last I heard, he walked.
Good. Um, how about Danny?
Or, uh, or Ira?
I mean, any word
on those two guys?
They have Internet
where you are?
Well, just, come on,
give me something.
There's gotta be some news.
Uh, remember Bill Oakley?
He switched sides.
He came out, huh?
No, he's not gay.
He's a defense attorney now.
Huh.
Well, I mean, what about you?
How are you doin'?
Oh, I'm just great.
Prince Rainier proposed.
The private jet is taking us
to the palace on Thursday.
Yeah. Okay.
Well, I guess that's it, then.
I did get one call.
After everything went down.
Kim.
Checking in on me.
No kidding?
Mm-hmm.
Your name came up.
Asked if you were alive.
She asked about me?
What did you tell her?
Nothing.
But she asked?
Yep.
Oh, okay. Well...
Uh, I guess...
this is goodbye.
Hello? Hello?
Hi, I need a number in Florida.
Titusville.
Palm Coast Sprinklers.
It's on a road, um...
It's named after a fish.
Uh...
Tarpon Road, right.
Uh, well, can you
put me through? I'll...
Say again, how much?
Okay.
Hi.
I'm looking for Kim Wexler.
I believe she works there.
Oh.
Another good one.
Oh, hey, Jeffie! Look
what the cat dragged in!
Hey. Hey, Gene.
Yeah. Your mom
was just showing me
this computer you bought her.
Yeah, well, he...
he got it for me,
and I didn't know what
the hell to do with it, but, uh,
look, Gene showed me.
- You... You go to the box up here...
- Mm-hmm.
And then you type
in "funny cat videos."
I mean, that's it, just
"funny cat videos."
These funny
cat videos just pop up!
Look at this one. Look, look.
Cat eating an ice cream.
Can you believe it?
It's like America's
Funniest Home Videos,
but you get to be the host.
Ooh, wouldn't that be something?
Wow.
Hey, uh, Jeffie, get some glasses,
and we can pour the ol' Schnapps, huh?
Yeah.
I thought a computer would
be good for her, you know?
It was on sale.
Not a... big buy at all.
Well, I think it's great.
Treat your mom
right, that's what I say.
- Hey, Marion...
- Hmm?
How about, uh, we leave
you to the cat videos,
and Jeff and I take
our drink to go?
I mean, is that car running?
I'd love to take a gander.
Come on.
Okay.
I swear, the computer's
the one big thing I bought,
and it's not even that much.
It's a... it's an old
model on discount.
And nobody said
nothing to nobody.
N-not me, not Buddy.
Living our lives like
normal, just like you said.
- Stop talking.
- But I want to...
Jeff. Stop talking.
I need you to answer
some questions.
First up, you have
a night shift, right?
You mean the graveyard shift?
At the cab company? Yeah.
What are the hours?
They got a 9:00-to-6:00,
a midnight-to-9:00.
- Why?
- Get on the 9:00-to-6:00.
After that, we need to get our
hands on some barbiturates.
What?
You're shitting me?
What're we gonna do with them?
But you said we're done.
You said, "Cross to the
other side of the street"
if I see you coming.
So we're back in business?
Oh, hell, yeah.
Brandy!
Con gusto!
Wow.
Ah.
Wow.
He did that.
Ah-di-di-di-da-da.
Well.
That must've been
what it would be like
if you watched the
Hindenburg go down.
But worse, am I right?
- Yeah, well, with gusto, right?
- Gusto.
- A bet's a bet.
- With gusto!
Hey, what do you
say we go again?
Up the stakes?
Loser has to sing with
his shirt off this time...
No, no, no. No more bets, okay?
Come on, I haven't
been right once.
Aw, what's the
matter, wittle fella,
you haven't been wight once?
Not once?
Hey, can we get more peanuts?
Come on, Viktor!
Don't be a wuss.
I'm not a wuss.
That's right. You're not.
You... You gotta believe
in yourself, little buddy.
Let's do one more bet.
One more bet. One more bet.
- No. No more.
- Come on, come on. Come on, come on.
No more lemon wedges on my nose,
no more trick coins, no
more toothpick puzzles.
I, I'm not good at this.
Viktor.
This is an easy one.
Now, you grab the
hundo before I do,
you get to keep it.
I grab the hundo first,
you buy another round.
Only rule is, you can't
move until I move.
Yeah, but I'm... I'm
so much closer to it.
It's like giving me the money.
So you want to take the bet?
Yeah, I'll take it.
Oh, son of a bitch!
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
You lose, sucker.
Another round, good man,
once again courtesy
of my little friend.
All right, all right.
Aw. You're fun.
Gracias.
Ah-di-di-di-da-da-
da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
You know, you're
all right, Viktor.
Yeah, I just wish I
knew how you did it.
Well, you see,
I'm a man of many talents.
And you are a man of very few.
Kidding!
Kidding. Maybe.
Ah.
Every time, every time,
she'll never see it coming.
Yeah.
Shh... Yeah...
I need some night air.
Well.
Easy.
Looks like one of
our cabs is here.
Ohh. I'll bet you for it.
No bets.
Come on, now, hear me out.
It's simple.
Don't be such a pussy, baby.
Look...
What?
Simple as simple can be.
Balance this book of matches on
the back of your hand for ten seconds.
That's it, and the cab's yours.
I'll even pay for it.
You're just gonna
punch me or something...
No, I promise. My hands
won't touch your body.
And I won't blow it off
the back of your hand.
Really?
My body will not touch your body
or the matches.
Fine.
- Huh?
- I gotta win one, right?
All right.
That's right, you do.
Okay, now.
Count with me.
Ten...
- Nine, eight...
- Nine, eight...
Jesus! Jesus!
Loser!
I'll see you around
next time, pal.
This was fun!
Oh, and, Viktor,
you can keep the matches.
You call for a ride?
Nah. I'm good.
You okay back there?
Yeah. I'm fine.
Got a lotta booze and,
uh, nuts in my mouth.
I got water here, if you want.
On the house.
Car 357, what's your status?
Yeah, car 357,
I'm about ten minutes
away from my drop
at, uh, 17 Del Mar Place.
357, head to the
airport when you're done.
Copy that.
You doing okay, sir?
Yeah. I'm fine.
Hey, you can go.
I'm not giving you another tip.
No problem, sir.
Feel better.
What the hell is this?
It's like James Whale's
travelling road show in here.
Whoever the hell that is.
The Crystal Ship
definitely travels.
I'm sorry, you said
the "what" travels?
Crystal Ship. It's
what I call this thing.
All right. Never mind.
Just... No details.
We're paying him to do a
job, let's just leave it at that.
No details? Fellas, that...
That money you put in my pocket,
that doesn't just
extend to this job.
That will get you
attorney-client privilege
on, on all matters.
No. Details.
Look at this set-up.
I... What, you two drive
around like Mister Softee,
scooping out drugs for
all the good boys and girls?
No, we don't deal from here.
I said, "No details."
Dude is standing in
front of a meth lab.
It's not like he ain't gonna
put two and two together.
He is on a need-to-know basis.
Oh. I didn't wanna show my face.
Did he need to know that?
So, you're not
just distribution.
You're the whole
freakin' package.
You two actually
make the blue stuff.
Here?
That's amazing.
Can you not touch...
I mean, look at this.
I had a fish that could've
used this as a vacation home.
But you're using it to
make the goods, huh?
Yeah. That's a, uh,
round-bottom flask.
- Mm.
- Right?
Round-bottom?
It's a flask for distilling.
It won't be if you break it.
Now, please, put it down.
Oh.
Okay, so, if you
cook the blue stuff,
then that means
you're Igor and...
And that makes you...
You're Heisenberg.
Wow.
Hey, tell me, how...
How much product can you
churn out with a set-up like this?
No, we're done. We're
done with the questions.
- Mm. - We ask the questions.
You have a job, one job,
and I still don't understand
how you're going to pull it off.
Listen, when I get
all my ducks in a row,
I'll give you a PowerPoint
down at the office.
But until then, just... just bring
what we talked about, okay?
And don't worry, I'm
gonna make it work.
I'm taking the $80,000
as a starting point
for negotiation.
Take it any way you
want, that's the price.
And, uh... I'm callin' shotgun.
I will drive.
Oh, yeah, sure, I'll
just stand, I guess.
Dick.
At least you won't
be rolling around
like the last Christmas ham
in the back of
the delivery truck.
You know, I...
I've got bad knees.
Think you might've
messed up my rotator cuff.
You're lucky I'm not charging
you for my chiropractor.
She's expensive.
But she adjusts everything.
Damn it.
You gotta give it some
gas when you're backing up.
I gave it the proper
amount of gas.
I guess that's why
we're moving, then.
Look, it just was
idling too long.
It'll start.
Oh, you shoulda
just let me drive, yo.
Look, nothing would be
different in this moment
except you panicking
and flooding the engine.
Bullshit.
Fellas, I was enjoying
the Laurel and Hardy vibe,
but I'm not such a
fan of the Bickersons.
Now, can you get
me back to my office?
I, I got work to do if you
want me to make some magic.
We just need to sit a moment.
That's all.
When it idles too long,
the fuel pump overheats,
and so we just need
to let it cool down.
So.
Who's Lalo?
Who?
Lalo.
You thought some
dude named Lalo sent us.
You seemed pretty freaked out.
Never heard of no
Lalo on the street.
It's nobody.
Hey, are you gonna
try that again, 'cause...
Or are they gonna find us,
you know, buried in a sandstorm
a thousand years from now?
Just please.
Bravo.
I second that.
And let me give you
two free words of advice.
Jiffy Lube.
Hold on.
Where did you read that?
Personal Finance for Dummies?
I mean, is it wrong?
Yeah. Big time.
Don't put all your eggs
in one basket, genius.
Yeah, this is mine.
- How about a water?
- Sure. Thanks.
You wanna know my trick?
Play your own game,
don't get caught up with
what the other guys are buying.
Mm-hmm.
Like the man says,
you never know who's swimming
nude until the tide goes out.
I guess.
But, I mean, with
this financial stuff,
it feels like the
game is rigged.
The big guys always win.
Well...
I wish I could disagree
with you, Viktor, but I can't.
There is definitely dishonesty.
But the majority, I believe,
are straight shooters.
Now, the... the
folks responsible
for, uh,
Enron, WorldCom...
Madoff and his ilk...
Mm.
I gotta believe there's
a special place in Hell
for those people.
Yeah.
But in my experience,
that's the exception.
Y-You can't let a few bad
apples spoil it for the rest of us.
In fact...
Sorry.
Those look exotic.
I-I went through that phase.
I took every vitamin there was.
Hey, guess how many pills I took
to try to keep the
hair on my head.
Worked like a charm.
What are those for?
Cancer.
Oh.
Sorry.
Uh.
Uh, is it, uh... is it bad?
Well, it ain't the good kind.
Come on. More drinks.
This one's on me.
Get two more here, please?
Hey, uh, it's none
of my business,
but, um...
should you be drinkin'?
You only go around once.
You got that right.
You sure you don't
want to take this one, Vik?
I can wait.
No. It's all you.
Ah, okay.
Feed me, what do we got?
You remember
to take your fish oil?
- I did. - B-12?
- Did it. - L-arginine?
Got 'em all. Next.
You're supposed to file that
appellate brief for Hemple by 4:00.
Crap. Um, hey,
could you put down the travel
magazine and help with that?
Not a paralegal, Saul.
Anyway, your
12:30 just walked in.
Aces. Send him in.
Oh! Enter, Sunshine.
Cast some light into
my cold, dark world.
Hello? You're on
the clock, right?
So give with the info anytime.
When you're done.
No, I can multitask, please.
I'm not gonna talk to
you while you're on...
whatever that is.
You know, LBJ used to have
his underlings give him reports
while he was on the shitter.
Uh-huh.
Well, either I'm gonna leave,
or I'm gonna put
my foot in your skull.
Fine.
But you should try one of these.
You walk like Frankenstein
after he was probed by aliens.
I can get you one.
It would do
wonders for your chi.
Let's go, lay it on me.
All right. First.
There's your Mrs. Denise Gabler.
She's cheating, all right.
Limber.
Ha-ha!
Well, at least I know
they didn't spot you.
No one could stay that aroused
with your mug peeking
through the window.
What else you got?
Well, next, I followed
your bus driver.
News flash. He really
does have a broken neck.
Fantastic.
That makes my life much easier.
Keep it coming.
Second story guy
out of Indianapolis.
Lasky. Did a dime at Menard.
Now, if you're
looking for a talent
who'll keep his mouth
shut, you can trust him.
I say he's worth
keeping an eye on.
Second story guy,
second story guy.
I got... I got more second
story guys in my book
than pimples at a Junior prom.
What about, uh,
that Heisenberg fella?
High school chemistry teacher.
You're shittin' me. Really?
Walter Hartwell White.
Chemistry teacher
over at JP Wynne.
Working with a former
student, current meth head,
one Jesse Pinkman.
Wow.
Uh, what else about the teacher?
He has lung cancer.
Jesus.
That's why he can't
quit with the coughing.
How bad?
Stage Three A.
He's in treatment,
more tests to come,
but it doesn't look good.
Now, listen, even if
this guy was gonna live,
I wouldn't go near him.
He's a complete amateur.
Well, you see an amateur.
I see... 170
pounds of clay ready to be molded.
Well, if the cancer
doesn't get him,
it'll be the cops or
a bullet to the head.
Is that your appraisal
or is that what
"He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named"
says about him?
He doesn't say anything.
The guy's small potatoes.
Yeah, okay. I hear you.
I just...
I got a feeling about this.
This Heisenberg
guy's got something.
It's top of the line product,
that's the buzz on the street,
and I just think, with
the right management...
You know, years ago,
I bought a Betamax.
Good product. "Top of the line."
Experts said it was
better than a VHS.
Turned out to be a complete
waste of time and money.
Hmm?
Let it go.
Guy with that mustache
probably doesn't make
a lot of good life choices.
So, yeah,
uh, the second story guy.
- Uh, Menard, you said?
- Yeah, right, right, right.
All right, part of
a high-end crew
fencing jewelry up into Canada.
Now, the Lasky kid
caught a bad break.
The cop was driving by just
as he was ducking in a window.
He did the time,
no one else on his
crew went down. Solid.
Known for their
vast migration patterns through Africa,
nearly two million wildebeests
travel 2,000 miles each year...
making their migration
one of the greatest on Earth.
The herd seeks fresh grass, following
the rain through Kenya and Tanzania.
Gathering each year to
prepare for the journey,
one that's been taking
place for a million years.
The voyage is not easy.
While traveling, the herd
must stay well fed, rested
and free of disease
or be left behi...
Couple
more. And shuffle, ladies.
Just like that.
Now L step.
Four times.
Fabulous!
Let me see you having fun.
Yeah.
W... Uh.
What do you mean?
He what?
Tell... Tell him to get his ass
back to the garage right now.
You cutie-patootie.
You think you've seen
everything.
Shut that goddamn
dog up and get back in here.
Get in.
You're kidding me. You're
absolutely kidding me.
I'm sorry, man. I couldn't...
Do you know how much
time, how much effort,
I put into finding
the perfect mark?
I have to weed
through all these saps
who have wives
and families at home,
find somebody who's
alone with money,
and, what, so you
can just wimp out?
The guy has cancer, man.
I found pills in his pocket.
Okay? The same ones my dad took.
For, like, pancreatic cancer.
So? A guy with cancer
can't be an asshole?
Believe me, I
speak from experience.
I can't rip off a guy
with cancer. I'm sorry.
Do you know how many of the suckers
we've ripped off have sob stories?
Every single one of them.
Besides, it'll be months
before they even realize
they've been taken.
This guy will already be dead.
So, please,
get back in your truck,
go back to the house,
and finish the job.
No, man. I can't do that.
I can't.
Look, all right.
I get it.
You get over it, okay?
Please, believe me. Y...
Before you know it,
you forget all about it.
Go.
Well, l-look,
we're doing really well, right?
Hear me out, okay?
I mean, we're rolling in cash.
We can just let this one go.
Not your call.
Yeah, but I,
I pulled the tape when I left.
The door's locked.
We couldn't get back in
even if we wanted to.
Jeff, come on, man,
back me up here.
Huh?
Oh, well... I, I don't know.
I mean, I can see
both sides, kinda.
You know, forget it.
You're fired. Just go.
Just gimme the camera and go.
Fine.
Good. Go. We don't need you.
And I know
I don't need to tell you this,
but since you're
such a goddamned amateur,
I will anyway.
Keep your mouth shut.
If we're gonna do this,
we should leave now.
We're really
gonna go back there?
What'd I just say?
Jeff, are you in or out?
What?
I'm down for this. I am.
- But, uh...
- But what?
What time did the guy
take the drugs?
We gave it to him, what?
Three hours ago?
I don't even know
if he finished it.
He might be awake by now.
Don't worry about it.
Yeah, but...
I said don't worry about it.
It'll be fine.
That's it. Right there.
Come back
and get me in 20 minutes.
Just roll up slow,
like you're picking up a fare.
It'll be fine. Relax.