Better Call Saul (2015–…): Season 3, Episode 1 - Mabel - full transcript

As Chuck plots his next move, another lie comes back to haunt Jimmy. A rattled Mike tries to find out who's been tracking his movements - and how.


They're coming up on
Vinton and 20th now...

- Check over that way, would you?
- Will do.

... heading over to
salvage and recycling.

Copy that. I'm about 5 out.

You see a guy in a corduroy coat go by?



Young guy, dark hair, corduroy coat.


How about it?

Hey, Nick. Come here.

Wanna come on out here?

Go ahead and open your jacket for me.

I'm placing you under arrest, sir.

Put your hands on your head, please.

Nick, you want to grab those for me?

You got it.

All right, let's go.

Nice job.

Say nothing, you
understand?! Get a lawyer!

Get a lawyer.


- Ladies.
- Hey, Gene.

Nice lunch?

Oh, yeah. Whatcha need?

Rolls about to come out.

You got it.

So, can I, uh, tell Howard

you're not quitting or
retiring or whatever?

And can we take all this
shit down off the walls?

I'm gonna go call Howard.


You do realize you just
confessed to a felony?

I guess.

But you feel better, right?

Besides, it's your word against mine.



Coming back.

What's it matter what I said, Howard?

Why you lookin' a gift
horse in the mouth?

He just...

Yeah, well, whatever it was,
he's over it now, all right?

And by the way, you're welcome.

Well, Howard's breathing again.

You made him very happy.


Jimmy, if you're gonna help,

a-at least use a little
finesse, would you?

"Finesse"? Whaddya...

Would... Quit yanking at it.

You're pulling the varnish
right off the walnut.

Not pullin' any varnish off the walnut.

You most certainly are. Look. Look! See?

Well, maybe you shoulda thought
about the friggin' walnut

before you covered it in duct tape.

I don't need your help!

I don't recall ever asking for it.

I'm sorry, okay?

Finesse, fine. Show me. Demonstrate.

Like this.


... roll it with your thumbs.

Left, and then right.


Alternate the thumbs, up and down.

Get a nice, tight roll going.

Chuck, I think you're the one

that needs a nice, tight roll.

Come on. Show me.

Gently. Gently.

Left, then right.

- Left, right.
- I get it. Wax on, wax off.

Mr. Miyagi.

"Karate Kid."


Oh, my God.

"The Adventures of Mabel."

I-I haven't thought
about this in forever.

- You remember this, Chuck?
- I do.

- Harry Thurston Peck.
- Yeah!

Mabel goes into the mountain,

and she meets the King of the Brownies,

and he gives her...

some kind of super
delicious jelly and...

Holy crap. 1912.

Yeah. Belonged to Grammie Davenport.

She wrote her name in it.

She was reading that to her schoolkids

the year the Titanic went down.


And Mom read it to me.

I read it to you.

You don't remember.

Yeah, yeah.

I do, now that you say it. Yeah.

What was I... like 5 or 6?

You had this weird night-light

that you were so crazy about.

It was, um...

- It was Daffy Duck!
- It was some Daffy Duck rip-off...

- ... with this weird red... bill.
- Mouth.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, the bill. Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it used to get so hot,

we thought it would burn
the house down, but...

- Right.
- ... you wouldn't let anybody touch it.

Yeah, that's a... You
got a great memory, Chuck.

That red bill and everything.

Hey. What was the name
of that little girl

that lived, uh, three houses up from us?

- She had, like, a pageboy haircut.
- Jimmy.

And she was always in
the dirt, always dirty.

- Jimmy! Jimmy!
- I liked her. She was always...

Don't think I'll ever forget
what happened here today.

And you will pay.

You didn't mention my garden.

Well, your garden is
part of your backyard,

so it's automatically included
in the property that goes to Jenn.

It comes with the house, Mom.

Well, I think you need
to mention it by name

in case some dirty judge
decides to play tricks.

Okay, we can do that.

Let's see.


Hey, I'm back.

Oh, hi, ladies. Jimmy McGill.

Hey, Jimmy. We are almost done here.

- Great. Can I, uh...
- We're almost done.

I'll be with you in a minute.


And mention my lily pond.

It's in my garden.

Lily pond.

Okay, ladies.

Thanks so much for your help.

Oh, you're very welcome.

Thank you both for being so patient.

And, Mrs. Aherne, if you or Margaret

ever need anything from
me... anything at all...

you can call me day or night.

This is Mrs. Siemasko
and her daughter Jenn.

I'm sorry. I got my
wires crossed a little.

- Uh...
- Bye.

- Bye. Thank you.
- Drive safe.

Okay, thank you.

You are a superhero.

I owe you big-time.

So, how's Chuck?

Crisis averted...

I guess.

I mean, he's back to being

the same old Chuck, so...

Wanna talk about it?


It may or may not involve...

that thing you said you
never, ever wanted to discuss.

Um. Okay, then, thanks.

I gotta get back to it.

How 'bout we call it a day?

I'll buy you some dinner.

You're kidding, right?

You realize how far behind I am?

Not to mention now I've got
eight entire wills to finish up.

Whaddya talking about?
I'll do the wills.

- No, you won't.
- 'Course I will.

Do the wills. They're my clients.

They're my clients.

You and I aren't partners, remember?

Once I take these people on, I
can't just reassign them to you.

Aw, c'mon. Why you getting
all, like, legal on me, huh?

Who cares?

Look, I told every single
one of them the situation...

that they'd be getting
me instead of you.

I tried to talk them all
into coming back another day.

Six of 'em left. Maybe
you'll get those back.

I mean, look, if this is
about the money, I have...

It's not about the money.
You can keep the money.

Don't act like I wanted this.

Jesus, like I need more on my plate.

Are you mad?

I'm not mad.

I'm just, uh...

thinking about things.

For 10 minutes today,
Chuck didn't hate me.

I forgot what that felt like.


You do realize you just
confessed to a felony?

I guess.

But you feel better, right?

Besides, it's your word against mine.

That's the end of it.


- That's the end.
- Mm.

Could you...?

Oh, yeah.

Well, now do you believe me?

I don't even know where to begin.

But yes, I believe you.

Your brother is one
world-class son of a bitch.

No offense.

I just... I really wish you'd told me

about these plans of yours
before you went out and did it.

I know, Howard, and I
regret misleading you.

It's just that a certain...

vérité had to be established.

I'm not talking about the heart
attack that you nearly gave me.

Chuck, this tape...

I'm not sure exactly
what it accomplishes.

Look, you know evidentiary
rules better than I do,

but a secretly recorded tape

with a problematic chain of evidence?

You're gonna have a helluva
time getting that admitted.

I agree.

And if you somehow put
it in front of a jury,

Jimmy'd call a dozen audio experts,

say that voice isn't his,

say the... the tape had been edited.

He would, indeed.

Are you thinking about
playing this for Kevin Wachtell

at Mesa Verde?

Because as much as I would love to,

that ship has sailed.

We're never getting
them back, regardless.

Oh, I doubt we could even
get in the door over there.

Chuck, if that tape is
useless in a court of law

and no help in the
court of public opinion,

what's the point?

Because I can't think
of a single use for it.

I can.



Hey, mister, we're
closin' in 15 minutes.

Call me a cab, will ya?

What about your vehicle?

Keep it.

Five J's auto salvage.

Broadway, uh, at-at Bobby Foster's.

Yeah, Ehr... Ehr...
Ehr... how is it again?


Yeah, Ehrmantraut.


Just tell him to pull
up to the gate and honk.

Okay, yeah. Thanks.

They're on their way.

Thank you.

You sell a gas cap for
an '87 Caprice wagon?


GM caps should be in the
blue on the bottom there.

Now, you're sure I can't help you

carry those to your car, Mrs. VanKamp?

Don't be a silly.

I only hope I didn't
take too much of your time

with all my dusty old photos.

Goodness, no. Your... your
grandson's wedding was gorgeous.

When I come back, I'll show
you my niece's confirmation.

Wait'll you see the flowers!


- Roses.
- Uh-huh.

- Petunias, orchids.
- Yeah.

- They don't smell, you know?
- Well...

And baby's breath and bachelor buttons.

- Okay.
- Lilies of the valley.

Well, I'll believe it when I see it.

Daisies... daisies don't tell.

Now I've got something
to look forward to.

- Okay.
- Okay, bye-bye.

- Bye!
- See ya!

Uh, thank you for waiting so patiently.

Who do we have next?

That'd be me.

Hello, hello.

It's so good to see you again.

I escorted you and your
clients onto my base.

I treated you with
hospitality and respect,

and now I come to find

every word out of your
mouth is a damn lie.

Captain, please. Why don't...
Sit down. Take a load off.

Hey, I'll get you a complimentary
coffee or a soft drink?

And your so-called war
hero, "Fudge" Talbott?

No such person... never was.

Granted, some artistic
license may have been taken.

You entered government property
under false pretenses, sir.

Whoa, whoa. I am no
expert on your procedures

and your protocols and whatnot,

so if... if we failed to
cross a "t" or dot an "i,"

I sincerely apologize
for any misunderstanding.

N-no, no, no, it's
not a misunderstanding!

Just step back! B-big
picture this, okay?!

- It...
- What damage was done?!

Hey, who was hurt, huh?

What was damaged?

The... the base is still there, right?

The B-52 is, I presume, still...

- B-29.
- Huh?

B-29. FIFI's a B-29.

I don't...

Oh, this is all just
one big joke to you, huh?

- You don't like the commercial.
- No, no, I don't,

but this has nothing
to do with the comm...

Well, constructive
criticism is always welcome.

- But I didn't...
- But you should realize...

... that most people
find it uplifting...

- ... patriotic, even.
- No.

- You check your recruiting numbers.
- I-I-I...

I think you're gonna see an
uptick, and you know what?

If it turns out that Fudge
wasn't actually in the war...

Fudge is not a person.
He wasn't in the war.

Well, neither was Tom Cruise,

and look what "Top Gun" did for you.

You lied to me, you lied to my face,

and I can't let you get away with it.

I-I think we just...

we're just gonna have
to agree to disagree,

so, uh, can I get you
that coffee to go or...?

No, no. I-I'm gonna tell
you what's happening now.

You're gonna take that ad off the air.

And if you play that ad one more time,

I'm gonna go to the Judge Advocate,

and we will take you down...

trespassing, false representation,

stolen valor... the whole nine yards.

Seriously, for eight
seconds of a TV commercial?

You take that ad down, or
there'll be hell to pay.

That clear enough for you?

Make me.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Make you?
- Yeah, let's do this.

You bring your commander down here,

and I'll explain to him
how you let us on the base,

red-carpet treatment.

No, b-because you lied your way in.

- Not how I remember it.
- What happened...

And I've got witnesses to back me up.

Do you like being an
Air Force Captain, huh?

You think the United
States wants to bring action

against an old man in a wheelchair?!

He was standing on TV.

- He wasn't even in a wheelchair!
- Well, yeah.

Well, periodically, he is.

And when he shows up in court,

you better believe
he'll be in a wheelchair!

Right, because you're an
ambulance-chasing piece of shit,

'cause you're all the same...
you're the same as all the others.

Always on a high horse.

Always trying to make
me feel like I'm...

Look, um, I'm a lawyer,

and this is what I
do all day, every day,

so h-how about this?

I-I won't fly jet planes...

you, uh, stay out of court.

Does that sound good?

You know, guys like you...

you think you're so damn smart,

and you think you don't have
to play straight with anybody.

The wheel is gonna turn.

It always does.

"A lawyer you can trust."

My ass!

Thank you for your service!

3:30 in the morning? Seriously?

You get me that?

I don't know.

- It's a real thing?
- Yeah.

Then, yeah. I know
someone who can get it.

How much?

What do I look like... RadioShack?

It's gonna cost you whatever
it costs me, plus my end.

Well, let's start with that.

Normally, be about $500,

but seeing that this is
an after-hours house call,

let's make it a grand.

Hey, how's the pup?

Doing okay?


She's not being left
alone all day, is she?

- She's got plenty of company.
- Good.

Hey, uh, this is gonna
take me a few days,

so I'll let you know.

And next time,

let's try to make business
happen during business hours.


Well, this will certainly
help my Thursday PowerPoint.


That's a draft letter from
Kevin to the Arizona regulator.

I know he likes the personal touch.

He's gonna love it.

Oh, I can't believe you did
all of this in three days.

Am I reading this right...

did you get the rehearing moved up?

Yeah. Those are three possible dates,

pending your and Kevin's schedule.

The soonest I could get is the 4th.

You moved it up almost three weeks.

I'll give it another shot
and see if I can do better.

Are you kidding me?

Kevin'll be popping champagne!

I knew you were the right one for this.

Well, I appreciate the opportunity.

Yeah, you should have
heard how that arrogant jerk

spoke to me at the hearing.

Right there, in front of Kevin,

he accuses me of muddying the waters...

muddying... the... waters.

I mean, he's the one who can't
even get the address right.

Yeah, that's... wow.

I know you have friends over at HHM,

and they sure talk a
good game, but come on.

Guys like that, when crunch time comes,

it's always someone else's fault.


I'm sorry to interrupt.
It's almost 11:30.

Thanks, Greta. I'll be right up.

So, are we still on for lunch Tuesday?


And, Paige, thank you... for everything.

No, thank you

for cleaning up that
mess McGill left behind.

Actually, would you mind
if I messenger that over

tomorrow morning, first thing?

I'd like to take one last
look before we submit,

just double-check a few things.


So, tomorrow, first thing?

Absolutely. Thanks.

- I'll see you, Paige.
- Okay, bye.

How's it coming in there?


- Don't mean to rush ya.
- No, it's okay.

I'm done.

Half a rainbow?

Don't you want to keep going
till you do the whole thing?

No. If you're done, I'm done.

You know, your clients
seem to like that rainbow.

Think they're gonna miss it?

Wait till they see what's going up next.

They're gonna love it.
You're gonna love it.

Yeah? Should I be worried?


Whaddya say we get the hell outta here?

Sounds good.


You ready to hit it?

Sorry. I just need to check one thing.

It'll be two minutes, tops.


Morning, Mr. McGill.

They didn't have Fuji apples,

so I got you Honeycrisp.

- Hope that's all right.
- I'm sure it'll be fine.

Um, did you get the, uh...

Yeah. I got them.

I went ahead and, um...

I figured I should maybe...

I wrapped them up...
you know, for safety.

That's very thoughtful of you,

but I need them now, so, if you...

- You sure it's okay?
- It's okay.







Ernesto, could you come in here, please?

Thought I could do this myself.

Uh, would you mind, uh,
changing the batteries?

- Sure thing, Mr. McGill.
- Yeah.


I changed 1261 to 1216.

- It was me.
- Turn that off!

- Turn it off!
- It all went down...

- Turn it off!
- ... exactly...


You did not hear that!

All right.

Okay, Ernesto...

that's my fault, not yours.

Um, but now that you've heard it,

you need to understand something.

You know about confidentiality, right?

As employees of Hamlin, Hamlin, McGill,

you and I are both
bound by the strictures

of client confidentiality...

by law, both of us... by law.

You understand what I'm saying?

- So I'm not supposed to tell anyone?
- That's right.

No matter who,

no matter what reasons
you think you might have,

you must not... you cannot tell anyone.

There could be terrible consequences...

life-changing consequences.

And we don't want you
to get into trouble.

If something were to happen
to you because of this,

I'd feel sick about it.

Okay. Enough said.

I guess...

I'll go finish puttin'
away the groceries.


Thank you, Ernesto.





Highs for Tuesday...

high temperatures will be in the mid-60s

with 5-to 10-mile-per-hour winds,

but expect scattered
showers Tuesday night

with lows in the 40s.

Wednesday will be partly cloudy

with high temperatures in the mid-50s.

The Grants area will have
temperatures in the mid-40s,

with south-west winds
15 to 20 miles per hour.

Now let's get back to more

of your favorite "Sound Souvenir Oldies"

with "The Steve Ricketts
Program" on KDSK,

92.7 FM.

Thank you, Derek.

Love those temperatures...
it's almost like...

♪ Taunting me a memory ♪

♪ Like a haunting melody ♪

♪ This memory... ♪

♪ Memory ♪

♪ Wanting always to be free ♪

♪ Is there nothing left for me... ♪