Better Call Saul (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Nacho - full transcript

Jimmy must prove that Nacho is innocent when he is wrongly suspected of kidnapping.

- Name?
- Charles McGill.

Client visit.

Here's Johnny.

Heh, heh. Hey, I knew you'd come.

All right. You're a sight for sore eyes.
You're looking good.

- Jimmy.
- Sorry you had to come all this way.

- It's a long way, right?
- it's a long way.

Yeah. Sorry.

Only two things I know
about Albuquerque:

Bugs Bunny should've taken
a left turn there...

...and give me a hundred tries,
I'll never be able to spell it.


Uh, as you can see, I'm in a-
A bit of a pickle.

You certainly are.

Forget the property damage
and assault charges.

You face being labelled
a sex offender, Jimmy.

- It will follow you for the rest of your life.
- That is insane.


That is a trumped-upload of horse crap,
Chuck. Come on.

Is that what I tell the judge?
"Load of horse crap"?

I'm not the lawyer here.

It was a Chicago sunroof. Sex offender?
That's not even remotely a...

Let's talk strategy, okay?

Because I need you to work your magic
and make this whole situation go "poof."

You got a plan of attack? Huh?

Come on, I know
I haven't made it easy for you...

...but you are- You are the man.

Right? I know you've got
a million legal loopholes...

...that we can dance through,
big bag of tricks.

You know,
any clever technicalities, huh?

Reasonable-doubt-type stuff?
Come on, Chuck.

I haven't seen you in,
what, five years?

We barely hear from you.
Now that you're in it up to your neck... can't even call me yourself.
You have Mom call me?

Mom took it upon herself to call.
I was letting her know where I was.

- You didn't cry to her on the phone?
- What? No.

You didn't cry and beg Mom for help?

Wha- ? Jesus. She hears
what she wants to hear, okay?

I'm gonna cry on a payphone
in the middle of Cook County Jail. Jesus.

Can we- ?
Can we talk strategy here, huh?


I know I'm a lousy brother.

I'm a lousy brother, I'm a big screw-up.

And if I was just a better person...

...I would not only stop letting you down-
You know what?

I'd stop letting me down.

And it's about time that I started
to make both of us proud.

- Am I right?
- Guard.

Wait. Chuck, wait, wait, wait.
No, no, you can't leave me, no.

If I don't get out of this,
my life is over.

So long as
you understand that.


Jimmy, if I do this- If.

- Do not make a fool out of me.

I promise I won't.

Everything you're doing...

...everything you're involved with,
that's over.

Just tell me what to do.

Whatever it is, I'll do it.

Just say it.

Please, Chuck?

Help me.

- Hello?
- Hey, it's me.

Unh. Jimmy? What's, uh...?

Jesus, what time is it?

Clock says 2, but I think that might be
Ho Chi Minh's time zone.

What? What's happening?
ls Chuck all right?

Yeah, Chuck...
Chuck is Chuck. All right?

Everything's all right. Ahem.
I just wanted to call you.

So, uh...

Hey. What you doing?


No. I'm not talking dirty to you.

What? You think that's the only reason
I would call you at this time of night?

I mean, can we just- ?

Give me a little bit of credit, okay?

- And you're not talking dirty to me either.
- Okay, bye.

- I knew it.
- I'm joking.

Just joking, having fun with you.

I am calling you tonight with quality,
PG phone conversation.

- PG-13 at worst.
- Uh-huh.

Hand to God. You know?

But, uh, if you hang up now
and drive straight over... time only, I'm offering
a free pedicure and foot bath.

Is that right? Wow.

- Maybe next time.
- Hey. More for me. Ahem.

Uh, you're, uh, probably swamped
with work anyways...

...what with that big, fat giant case
falling right into your lap.

Which case is that?

I don't know. Some, uh...
Some county official or something?

It was in all the papers.

- Craig Kettleman.
- Craig Kettleman.

Yeah. The primo client...

...your dipwad boss
stole right out from under me.

Nobody stole anybody.

- The Kettlemans made a choice.
- So did the Donner party...

- ...when they took that shortcut.
- Come on. Hamlin is not that bad.

And I'm gonna be second chair
if it ever goes to trial... be happy for me.

Hey, uh, how much exactly
did Kettleman get away with?

Mm, excuse me.
Innocent until proven guilty.

Uh, excuse me,
but I'm a taxpayer in this county.

I think I have a right to know.

And besides,
it's not like I'm his lawyer or anything.

I have to go to sleep. So do you.
I know you have court in the morning.

He got away with a million,
million six, at least?

I'm not talking details
of a case with you. Good night.

Where did he stash all that dough?
Besides for buying that idiotic boat.

Hello? Guilty.

- Hanging up now.
- This guy is...

You know, he's probably a target.

Somebody might get
some bad, bad ideas.

You know, if Kettleman isn't careful
with that money, I mean...

...his whole family could be in danger.

What do you mean, danger?

- Jimmy, why would you say that?
- What?

You said the family
might be in danger.

I did? I...

I... Ahem. I'm- I'm drunk. Heh.

So I'm just, uh...

I'm thinking out loud.
I'm not spinning, uh...

I'm spinning thoughts.

- You sure?
- Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh...

So I will see you down
in the court bowels mafiana.

Good night, Kim.

Good night, Jimmy.

I'm no hero.

Hello! You've reached Team Kettleman!

Leave a message for Craig-

And Jo Jo-

after the beep!

Hello! You've reached Team Kettleman!

Please leave a mess-


you're in danger. You're in danger.

I'm sorry, what?

- Craig, who is it?
- I'm not sure.

Wait, say- ? Say that again, please?

They know about your money.

- Watch out.
- Yeah, what are you trying to say?

This is a warning. You're in danger.
They're coming for your money.

This is a friendly stranger.
Your whole family is in danger.

The money.
They know about the money.

You have a terrible connection.

I'm warning you.
They know about your money.

- Be careful.
- Can you call back on a better line?

Kettlemans, you're in danger.

They're coming for your money. Bye.

What did he say?

- We're-
- In danger.

“They're coming."

Who- ?

Who's coming?

Okay, how about this?
Time served plus counselling.

Can't do it.
- it's his first offence.

- Can't do it.
- "Can't do it, can't do it."

- Would you work with me here?
- I'm listening, aren't I?

Well, you're kind of a captive audience.

What'd you eat for lunch,
the whole roast beast?

- Funny.
- Okay. Okay. Hear me out.


The 30 he's done, which is a 60 credit,
plus 60 additional days.

- Can't do it.
- Best offer.

Six months plus the time he's done,
halftime for good behaviour...

...out in 90, that's my final.

- That's never gonna happen.
- Oh!

Come on. Now, are you joking?

Now, that is the best deal
you're gonna get.

I can't do it.

The guy drove drunk
into a shopping centre...

...and killed three people.

Shopping centre? Desmond Rojas.

Armed robbery, liquor store.

He assaulted a cashier
with a bottle of Kahlua.

Oh, I was thinking
Darryl Redwood.

Yeah, okay, my bad.
Desmond Rojas.

Okay, go. Start over.

I am not starting over.
I'm busting my nut here for 700 a throw...

...inhaling your B.M.
straight from Satan's bunghole...

...and you can't tell
one defendant from another?

Ninety days with good behaviour.
We're doing this.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Say it.
Say the words "I accept the deal."

Yeah, I accept- I accept the deal.

Good morning.

What do you mean,
what did I mean?

No, I told you, I was drunk.
I just-

Kim, why are you
asking me this?

Oh, damn it. Here. I'm in a real rush.
I didn't have time to get the validation.

Fine. Nine bucks.

I- I don't have it.

I have 5. Please?

You know the drill,
money or the validation.

Look, this is an emergency, okay?
A serious emergency.

I have to get out of here.

I promise,
on the souls of my forefathers...

...I will get you the stickers
when I come back.

I will get you extra
if you just let me go.

Fine. Fine. You're gonna make me
walk back and get the stickers...

...I will walk back
and get the stickers.

I'm not making you do anything.
Those are the rules.

Hey, whatever helps you
sleep at night.

Screw you, geezer!


What brought you here?

Me? Uh, I was surfing
the police scanner.

- Heard there was big activity out this way.
- There's no business for you.

- Maybe next time.
- Uh, it was a home invasion?

- Uh, the Kettlemans okay?
- We don't know.

Neighbour was walking the dog
last night, saw the front door wide open.

Place is ransacked, no sign of the family.
There's no note... we're still figuring it out.

I gotta get back.

Yeah, yeah. Of course. Good luck.

Why did you come here?

- I'm supporting a friend in need.
- You wanna be supportive?

Tell me why you said
those things.

I'm reading tea leaves.

Same way I knew the Kettlemans
needed a lawyer. All that money.

It's logical somebody
would come after it.

So the same night
you worry about them, they disappear?

Yeah, it's crazy. It's Ripley's.

Jimmy. It's not just Craig
and Betsy Kettleman.

It's their two kids as well.

You would say something
if you could help find them, right?

I don't know what happened to them.
Really, I don't know.

The longer you stay, the more explaining
I have to do. Talk later.

Hey. You'll tell me
if there's anything I can do?

Everything is gonna be fine.

It's gonna work out. A-okay.

It's gonna be fine.

Nacho. Leave it.

Uh... Yes, I'm, uh- Ahem.

This is the party
you spoke to the other day...

...uh, and I sincerely
want to help you... your situation legally...

...and otherwise.

Um, so call me at 146-8729... your earliest convenience.

But soon. Please.

Nacho. Leave it.

Yeah, Nacho. Hi. Uh...

Just to clarify.
Look, I don't know anything. Uh...

I have spoken to no one
and there are no rats on this ship.

But for the sake of everyone involved...

...I would just like to open a dialogue.

So 146-8729.
Call me when you get this.

If I didn't say it before,
time is of the essence on this matter.

So, uh, I'm gonna hang up now
if you're trying to call.

Uh, there's no call waiting here
if you get a busy signal.

146-8729. Just keep trying. I'll be here.

I can put out this fire,
if there is a fire.

By hope of hopes,
this is all a big misunderstanding.




Nacho? Nacho.

Walking. Just walking.

Strolling along.

Oh, thank God. Help. Help.

- Down.
- Show us your hands.

- You guys are cops?
- Show us your hands.

Ow! Oh. Unh, unh.

Officers, you're making a mistake.
My name's McGill, James McGill.

I'm an attorney.

Easy. Easy.

- It's his lawyer.
- Whose lawyer?

You sure he asked for me?

Going in or what?

Hey. Ahem.

You asked for me
and I have come.

I want to tell you,
this was a wise move.

Very smart,
because I'm here to help.

Everyone, all parties,
but mostly you.

Uh, those two detectives,
they just gave me an earful...

...and what they were
telling me is...

It's problematic.

I'm gonna pitch it back to you
so I know we're on the same page.

A neighbour lady saw a suspicious van...

...parked across the street
from the Kettlemans' house...

...two nights in a row.

She wrote down the license plate.
it was your license plate.

Cops tracked your van and you,
searched it...

...and found blood on the floor.

So here we are.

Um... Um...

They're calling the FBI in on this,
which makes it federal.

That's a bad thing, Nacho.
That's very bad.

But if you tell me where the family is,
if you give them up now...

...full cooperation, deep remorse...

...I feel very good about knocking
your sentence down to the minimum...

...18 years.

They take this good- behaviour thing
very seriously... start here, right here.

Tell me the family is okay.

Tell me the kids are okay.

You wanna tell me your thoughts
and weigh in?

Does this sound like a plan
that you can get behind?

You miserable piece of shit.

You set me up.

I what?

You gave my score to another crew
and now you're setting me up.

What the- ? What?
Did the cops beat you?

You're talking like a person
with head trauma.

- You think you're funny?
- You had nothing to do with this?

That was your van outside
the house. You weren't there?

Yeah, I was there.

I was casing the place.

Figuring out the best way in and out,
what time they went to bed, all that.

They were fine when I left.
That's it.

You had nothing to do
with the Kettlemans?

I was never in the house.

What about the blood
in your van?

They DNA my ride, all they're gonna find
is the blood of your skate rat twins... whatever piss and shit
you leaked out when you were in there.

Nobody's been
in the back of that van since.

I don't understand.

Here's what I understand,

I told my plan
to one other person.



Now here I am under arrest.
Go figure.

I don't know anything about
a setup or another crew. Heh.

You know what?
I don't even care.

The cops are out there now
poking into my business...

...and if they find something
on me or my partners, for real...'s gonna be bad for you.

Really bad.


Bad as in...?

You get me out of here today...

...or you're a dead man.

Oh, hey.

I asked if you knew anything.

You didn't tell me you were
representing the suspect.

- I didn't know at the time.
- He give up anything?

- What?
- Did he tell you where the family is?

He doesn't know.

What does that mean?
He gave them to somebody?

- He doesn't know. He didn't do it.
- Give me a break.

Guys, can you give us just a minute?

Jimmy, that family is in real danger.

You don't have to stand behind
client privilege.

I'm not.

These people can be buried in a box
sucking air through a straw.

I'm sorry if that's where they are.

- But my guy didn't do it.
- How are you so sure?

You know what you're gonna do?

You're gonna get your special
CSI people...

...and test the blood from that van.

I guarantee you one billion percent
it's not the Kettlemans:

Whose is it?

It's not the Kettlemans: Just test it.

That'll take weeks, if we can even
get a sample to compare it to.

Well, isn't that convenient?

You've got an innocent man
in there right now...

...who I demand you release
with an apology.

There are no other suspects.

There's no evidence
that points to anyone else.

I wanna see the scene.

You are missing something.

Screw you, "missing something."

No, detectives,
I, um... I think that's a good idea.

- A good idea?
- Yes.

We should invite Mr. McGill
to the house.

- Why?
- Yeah, why?

So, what'd we miss?

This is the son's room, Warren.

Twelve years old.

Jo Jo's room.

She's 7.

All right, you wanted me to crack,
mission accomplished.

But I'm telling you,
my client didn't do this.

Varga was outside
the night the family disappeared.

That is a fact.

Advocate for the guy
all you want...

...after we get these people
back safe.

In the meantime, help us.

Where's the doll?

Where's the what?

Uh, got little shoes, bunch of clothes,
table and chairs, hairbrush...

...but where's the doll
that goes with this?

In every picture of this girl,
she's holding the same doll.

- So where's the doll?
- What does it matter?

Doll is gone, girl is gone...

...which means doll and girl
are most likely together...

...which means-
- I have no idea.

Which means the kid wasn't dragged
out of the house, ipso facto.

Wait. What are you saying?

Maybe the Kettlemans
kidnapped themselves.

- That's it. You're done. Let's go.
- it makes sense.

How? Why would they do that?

They stole million dollars plus, right?

You wanna get away
with that cash, what do you do?

Run? No, you can't. If you run,
everyone knows you're guilty. Ah.

But if you're kidnapped,
you're a victim. Right?

They staged this to throw everyone off.

You are looking in the wrong place.

Who knows how many miles
into Mexico or Canada they could be?

You gotta put the word out.

Oh, come on, you don't think
it's possible I'm right?

It's possible. Unlikely.

- Unlikely?
- All their cars are here.

There's no record of a taxi
or car service to the house.

They didn't get on any planes
or buses or trains.

- You checked all that?
- Yes. The doll, it's not news.

We saw it was missing.

- So where is it?
- The girl was scared, crying.

Bad guy lets the kid
take the doll to shut her up.

What? You don't think
that's possible?

I need to talk to you alone.

I've gotta tell you something,
and promise not to be upset.

- No way am I making that promise.
- I called the Kettlemans.

After I hung up with you,
I gave them a warning call.

A warning call?

I was worried my guy Varga
was going after their money, and he was.

He was gonna rip them off.
I deduced it from a conversation we had.

It was lawyer-to-client... there was, you know,
confidentiality issues.

But I called the Kettlemans
anonymously to warn them.

Anonymously? You did- ?

Oh, God, you didn't- ? You didn't
do the sex robot voice, did you?

I did the tube and the whole thing.

Which probably scared the living shit
out of them and they took off.

Which, you know, file that under
unintended consequences...

...but you believe me now?


Great. Now we have to find them.

Or better yet,
get the cops to let Varga go...

...because right now my ass
is on the highway to the danger zone.

Why are you in danger?

Nacho Varga, he didn't kidnap the family,
but he's a bad guy.

He's a very bad guy,
and if the cops keep pushing him...

...they're gonna find something.
That happens, Nacho blames me...

...then his guys turn me
into a meat pifiata.

- Jimmy, tell the police.
- No way I'm gonna rat on this guy.

I will never be safe.

I have to convince the cops I'm right,
to stop looking at Nacho...

...and catch the Kettlemans on the run.
- And if they never catch them?

The Kettlemans?
You've met these people, right?

They're not exactly masterminds.

They will be caught
if the cops are looking.

So you tell them to, would you?

The FBI too.
I heard they're getting in on this.

- Why would the FBI listen to me?
- Hamlin. They'll listen to him.

A.P.D., at least.

You talk to Howard,
you explain things to him.

He has clout with these people.

What, is that a no, or...?

Hamlin will never agree to it.
The Kettlemans are our clients.

- This would mean incriminating them.
- See? This is why people hate lawyers.

It's Hamlin's call,
and Hamlin will never agree.

And even if it were up to me,
you know I couldn't.

- I'm sorry, I just-
- I get it.

- Where are you going?
- Gonna talk to Nacho...

...try to make him see reason.

To beg.

Come on.

Come on.

Right. Yeah, hey. Ahem.

I was a jerk, okay?

So I will pay you what I owe you
plus interest...

...if you just let me come through.

I suggest you find parking
somewhere else.

Somewhere else, as in where,
somewhere else?

Not my concern.

Actually, this is your job, so by definition
it's your concern.

So pump out the ticket...

...and open the stupid gate already,

I mean, I don't have time for this.

All right.

Great. I'm gonna park right here.

I don't think you wanna be doing that.

Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do,
you got a poop- filled diaper in there?

You gonna throw it at me?

Are you gonna gum me to death,
huh, geezer?

We're talking about a family.
Morn, dad, two kids.

Lawyer's got this theory
about them staging this...

...running off with the money.

- Know the story?
- County treasurer embezzled funds.

I read the paper.

We got this gangbanger dead to rights.
Only problem is your guy over there.

He needs to help us get
his scumbag client to talk.

So, what do you say?
You on board?

Help us do some good.


- Okay, you assaulted this man.
- Give me a break.

- I barely touched the guy.
- You laid hands on him.

Finger. I laid finger on him.

Whatever your interpretation,
it was still assault.

This gentleman is willing to not
press charges if you help us out.

Get your client to tell us
where he has the family stashed.

Guys, I'm the definition
of a broken record on this.

Nacho 'vs not your man, comprendo?

Nobody took the Kettlemans.
The Kettlemans took themselves.

You gonna keep playing that line,
it's gonna go rough.

You know what? Do your worst.

- All right, let's go. To booking.
- Yeah. Sure. Fine.

- Perfect end to a perfect day.
- Wait a second. I changed my mind.

- I'm sorry, what?
- I don't wanna press charges.

We talked about this.
You wanna press charges.

- No. No, I don't.
- What are you doing, buddy?

I thought you had our backs.

No, I don't think
I said that, buddy.

So, what, you get a chance
to do the right thing and you puss out?

Mm... Yeah.
Well, I guess it's my loss.

Hey, Cagney, Lacey, when you realise
how wrong you are about all this...

...I'll take an edible arrangement
as a sorry, heavy on the pineapple.

Hey. Hold up. How come you
let me off the hook back there?

I'm going back to work.
Why don't you quit while you're ahead?

I refuse to believe... have something resembling
a heart inside your body.

You're not gonna have a heart
in about five seconds.

Don't tell me, all right?
I know why you did it.

Yeah? Why's that?

Because you believe me.
That family kidnapped themselves.

All right, I believe you.

I knew it. I knew it.
Finally, someone believes me.

- Why do you believe me?
- I heard the details.

- Your story makes sense.
- Of course it does.

Devil's advocate, like the cop said...

...the Kettlemans' cars
are still at their house.

No record of them leaving.
How'd they get out of the country?

They didn't. Odds are they didn't
get out of the neighbourhood.

Come again?

Look, when I was still on the job
back in Philly, we had this case.

Hold up, hold up. Now, wait.

"On the job," as in,
you were a cop on the job?

This bookie disappeared
after the Super Bowl.

Cowboys- Seekers.

Took $6 million in bets, and skipped town
when things didn't go his way.

Everybody thought he was
on the beach in the Bahamas...

...or dead in the Jersey Pine Barrens.
Wasn't the case.

He was two doors down
from where he lived... a foreclosed house.

Hid there for six months
without anyone suspecting him.

But why? Why not run?

That's what everybody expects.

It's human nature
to wanna stay close to home.

And if this Kettleman figured out
how to do it, that's what he did.

Nobody wants to leave home.

♪ Baby, you know me well ♪

♪ You know I mean what I say ♪

♪ Before I say farewell ♪

♪ I'll give you one more day
So you can ♪

♪ Find out what's happening ♪

♪ Find out what's happening
Before long ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ If you don't
Find out what's happening ♪

♪ You're gonna find out that I'm gone ♪

♪ Gone, gone, gone, gone ♪

♪ Tell me what you're gonna do ♪

♪ You better make up your mind ♪

♪ It all depends on you ♪

♪ Oh, I'm leaving you behind ♪

♪ You'd better
Find out what's happening ♪

♪ Find out what's happening
Before long ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ If you don't
Find out what's happening ♪

♪ You're gonna find out that I'm gone ♪

♪ Gone, gone, gone, gone ♪

♪ Baby, you know it's true ♪

♪ We've been through thick and thin ♪

♪ But if you don't come through a'

♪ You won't ever see me again' ♪

♪ You'd better
Find out what's happening ♪

♪ Find out what's happening
Before long ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ If you don't
Find out what's happening ♪

♪ You're gonna find your daddy gone ♪

♪ Gone, gone, gone, gone ♪

♪ Find out what's happening ♪

♪ Find out what's happening ♪

♪ Find out what's happening ♪

♪ Find out what's happening ♪

♪ Find out what's happening N'

Okay? Let's do this. And...

♪ There was a farmer had a dog ♪

♪ And Bingo was his name- o ♪

♪ B-I-N-G-O ♪

♪ B-I-N-G-O ♪

♪ B-I-N-G-O ♪

♪ And Bingo was his name- o ♪'

♪ There was a farmer had a dog
And Bingo was his name- o ♪

♪ I-N-G-O ♪

♪ I-N-G-O ♪

♪ I-N-G-O ♪

♪ And Bingo was his name- o ♪

♪ There was a farmer had a dog
And Bingo was his name- o ♪

♪ N-G-O ♪

Hey, it's me. Listen to this.

♪ N-G-O
And Bingo was his name- o ♪

You hear that?
I found your dumb-ass clients.

It's a long story.
Look, I'm taking them back to their place.

We'll meet you there.
Give me a couple hours.

♪ And Bingo was his name- o ♪

- Yay.
- That was great, guys.

I think we have time
for one more before bed.

Do we have to?

Oh, hey, I don't know about you,
but I would love a little...

..."John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt."

You know what? Let's really have fun
with this one, okay, Kettle- team?

- Let's do this. And...
- Here's Johnny!

Hey. Hey, Warren. Hey, Jo Jo.
Uh, sorry about that.

I'm your uncle Jimmy, all right?

Now, your parents are gonna take you
down the mountain back to your house.

That sound good?

- They're excited.
- Mr. McGill, can we talk about this?

No, we can't. Okay?
You're done here.

Pack up your stuff
because we're heading back.

- Civilisation awaits.
- Finally.

Look, please,
can we just talk this through?

Not an option. You do this
on your own recognizance...

...or the cops drag you by your heels.

- Let's go. Kettlemans, time to ship out.
- No. No.

- Yes, you are. This is happening.
- No. No, this is not happening!

Yes, Kettlemans.

- No!
- Yes, you are doing this now.