Betas (2013–2014): Season 1, Episode 9 - Steppin' Out - full transcript
When a scandal puts the Murch on ice, BRB's potential investors begin to pull out. Desperate, Trey must turn to an unlikely source for help, even if it means straining his relationship with Murch. Meanwhile, Mikki's wayward mother drops in unexpectedly, hoping to pick up right where they left off.
* It's like I got a hole
in my pocket *
* Tryin' to keep you satisfied
* It's like I got to
burn a million bridges *
* Just to keep you by my side
* Don't make waves
in the water *
* 'Less you mess around
and you'll drown *
* It's not like I could
have stopped her *
-* 'Cause a girl
can't be tied down... *
-(rattling)
(rattling continues)
(screams)
-Oh, fuck. Sharron.
-Hey, baby girl.
-What the fuck are you doing?
-Cooking.
-What the fuck are you doing?
-I live here. Christ.
What? How did you get in?
Oh. Remember my
Linda Hamilton phase?
Oh. Yeah.
I still got some
badass moves up my skirt.
-Yeah, you can't smoke in here.
-Mm-hmm.
And you should've
called first.
I gave up phones.
Such a bullshit crutch.
(sighs) So good to see you.
(laughs) Oh. How's tricks?
Oh, tell me everything.
Peru was life-shattering.
Just...
I think it shattered my life.
Come help me with the aguadito.
Oh. You wanna chop?
I know you do.
Chop, chop.
Chop, chop, chop.
Mm, do you have any wine?
Oh, um, vodka?
Oh, or, um, gin. Oh, I'd
love gin right now.
-(sighs)
-Gin is supposed to be
so good for you.
* I'm a broken man,
I'm damaged goods *
* Lock me in the basement
with furnace soot... *
You're probably wondering why
I'm preparing poison blow fish.
-I was wondering that.
-Poison?
Fugu is one of the most
delectable creatures
in all the ocean.
Prepare it wrong
and it's deadlier
than cyanide.
Also, illegal in the States.
Eating it is a sign of trust
between diner and the chef.
-That's incredible.
-Wait'll you taste
its ovaries.
I pickle 'em myself.
-(coughs)
-I thought we should celebrate.
BRB's user growth the past few
weeks has been phenomenal.
Michael Lau's endorsement really
drove a lot of users our way.
It helped. But I think
the new iteration
is really connecting
with people.
I agree, and the
interest I'm getting
from investors
is proof of that.
Are you guys prepared
for your meeting?
Sea Smoke Capital
is a major player.
Carlson and I go way back.
Absolutely, sir.
We're very excited.
I feel tingly.
And my lips are numb.
Oh, shit. That's the fugu.
Lie still-- you need to
slow your circulation.
(coughs)
And then... I hear...
a voice.
-My... my inner voice.
-Yeah.
Uh, weren't you tripping on
some sort of psychotropic
jungle vine?
Ayahuasca is medicine, hon.
-Ah.
-Anyway, after...
after listening to the icaros of
the shaman and purging myself,
this voice shared
a truth with me.
It told me... I wasn't ready
to be your mother.
-I was just a baby myself.
-You were 22.
A baby, just a baby.
-Great. Okay.
-(whispers): A baby.
So, I need to tell you.
I met someone in Peru.
Oh, God. Congrats!
A man on every continent.
Funny, but no. Larry, uh,
owns an art gallery.
And he wants to
show my paintings!
That's why I'm in town.
Uh, wow, you're painting now?
I've always painted, hon.
Uh, with light, or clay, or
the foam wand at Starbuck's.
Remember the little leaf
I put on your latte?
C'mon. This dude clearly wants
to get in your pants.
-That, or you hallucinated.
-Oh, will you come with me?
He's showing me
a space this afternoon.
(groans)
MITCHELL:
Dude, 210,000 users?
That's like, 140 times the
size of my old high school.
God, I love
your stories, Mitch.
Sorry. Sorry I'm late.
Mom bomb dropped on me
out of the clear blue.
I'm gonna go suck down
a couple Pop Tarts.
Nice. You should try
the red velvet ones.
They're super...
very good.
Dude, it's been weeks.
She stood you up.
It's a bummer sharing
a desk with a chump.
-Okay. Fine.
I'll go talk to her.
-Yeah.
(typing)
Yo...
-Hey. (sighs)
-What up, girl?
Listen, I... I gotta
dip outta here later.
Sharron's got this thing.
Can you cover for me?
Two hours, tops.
Oh. Yeah. Sure.
-Thanks.
-Totally McGotally.
(clears throat)
So your mom's in town, huh?
Can't wait to meet her.
Yes, you can. (sighs)
Thanks, Mizzy.
You're the best.
George speaks very highly
of Sea Smoke Capital.
As you know, he's been an
incredible resource for us.
Yeah, we're all besties.
Look, Murch and I have made
a lot of bread together.
He says jump, I ask, "Off
what cliff?" So... what cliff?
Well, I'll just run you
through our deck. (laughs)
Uh, social's become stagnant.
Users are hungry for tools that
encourage a real life meeting.
You don't have to
convene in Facebook.
I don't sit down without
doing my homework.
"Enabling serendipity."
"Face to face."
I dig your approach. What
valuation are you raising at?
Well, just to give
some context...
-May I?
-Uh, yeah.
You've got slow hands.
Good if you're Clapton,
bad if you knew
my schedule today.
Well, based on user growth
metrics, our proprietary tech,
and a model that includes
both ad dollars and...
Shocking-- it says you're
gonna be a huge success.
Uh, is there something wrong?
I have a robust portfolio.
Twitter. Tumblr. Uber.
If it's valued
north of a billion
and ends in "er,"
I got a piece of it.
If I do a round,
I want to lead it
at ten percent of
total valuation.
What's the valuation?
We feel valuing BRB at 12
million is quite reasonable.
Got it. One-point-two. Done.
Look, I know the social
cloud may seem over-seeded
at the moment, but I think
if you... what?
He said, "done."
DANE: Gynecology's like
watching porn all day...
-Hey! What's up?
-(cheering)
-Yeah. Bringin' home the bacon!
-Congrats, man. Big deal.
-Hell, yeah.
-If the rest of the meetings
go that well,
we're all gonna be getting our
own shiny new offices very soon.
Yeah. We should definitely
make sure there are
-Jacuzzis in there.
-Okay. Okay. Jacuzz...
-It's important for morale.
-I know it's important.
Where... Hey, where's Mikki?
She should hear the good news.
Ah. She had a thing.
She had like a girl, lady thing.
What, like a quinceanera?
So, uh, now Dane's coming on
full-time with everybody,
right? Yeah.
Grand Imperial Wizard
of Graphic Design.
You might wanna rethink
that title.
Yeah, that's a Ku Klux Klan
type of title, there.
Oh, I thought
it was a Token.
-"J.R." Token... Token, uh...
-Unless he was a racist.
-I don't think so.
-Thought it was "Star Wars."
-Oh, shit.
-No, man.
-This place is baller.
-Mm-hmm.
Are you sure you're
not banging this guy?
I'll have to
call you back, Idris.
Someone more important
needs my attention.
-Cano jacon paranta.
-Cano jacon paranta.
-Akushama! (laughs)
-Akushama! (laughs)
So, what do you think?
-It's too much.
-Yeah?
All I need is four walls
and a blank canvas.
Please. I'm expecting
greatness from you.
Plus, the sculptor I had leased
it to had a psychotic break.
So it's... it's free through
the end of the month.
-So, you must be Mikki.
-Mm-hmm.
You're even more beautiful
than Sharron said.
Oh. Stop.
So tell me, what do you
think of Sharron's new work?
I haven't actually
seen it yet.
Oh! It's been haunting me.
So, so intensely visceral.
Mads, when's
that open block?
-Saturday. We went over this.
-The attitude on this one.
I thought you said
it was next month.
Oh, I did. But a batch
of giclГ©es got held up
in Romanian customs and I've
got white space to fill.
I still have
a painting to finish--
I... I feel pressure.
I can't just like
create under pressure.
She'll be ready.
-I... I feel so...
-I'll help you. I'll help you.
(sighs) What about
your J.O.B.?
I'll take a couple days off.
I work for equity anyway.
It's...
I'm proud not to know
what that word means.
"Equity," or "work"?
Corgis aren't dogs, they're
toys. They're little toys.
But they're not
that expensive.
-Hey!
-Hey!
Hey kiddies,
congrats on the fat stacks.
-Thank you.
-This is Sharron.
-Hi.
-She gave birth to me.
Oh, look at you adorable
little worker bees.
Building the future, just one
brain tumor at a time. (laughs)
Yeah, she read that
cell phones cause cancer.
It's cute. Okay. Uh...
Sharron's in town for a show.
She's a painter.
-Cool.
-No shit.
Painter, artist, uh, explorer,
diviner, you know.
-Part-time dental hygienist.
-Variety is the spice.
-Yes, it is.
-It is, isn't it?
I dabble in the art, uh,
a little bit myself.
Yeah. Medium format photos.
Oh, no shit! I, uh,
bummed around, uh, Kenya
with a Wista 45
a few years back.
-Oh, dangerous.
-Oh, my God. I miss film.
This digital crap--
(groans) no soul.
Right? Lifeless. Totally.
Uh, you should come
to Cavanaugh's,
you know, over on Geary?
That's my show.
-I totally know Cavanaugh's.
-(laughs) Yeah.
I saw this installation
there a while back.
And this chick made
this alley outta paper mache.
-Fantastic.
-You walk in...
...she jumps out
and tries to rape you.
I love it. Devastating.
I love it.
The whole thing was
called "No Means Yes."
You know, uh, Trey was asking
about you earlier.
No worries, though,
I covered for ya.
Just, uh, wanted to make
sure you're all good...
-Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you.
-Yeah?
I been trying
to get my portfolio
in front of those guys
for months. God.
I, you know, I tended
his soul in the jungle.
-Cool.
-Let me make an intro.
Hell, yeah. I gotta
take pictures of you.
-(phone chimes)
-Oh. What the hell?
Oh, my God.
ValleySmash News Alert.
"George Murchison, legendary
V.C. and lead investor
in hit parking app Valet-Me,
has been... "
"...accused of bribing
a government official
to grease the wheels
on an eight-figure deal
between Valet-Me
and General Motors."
Fat cats,
think they run the world.
Yeah, well, that fat cat
is our lead investor.
Does this mean we have
to pay for drinks?
I spent my last five buying
beer for high school kids.
What? They had weed.
(voicemail): This is George.
Say your piece. Namaste.
It's Trey. Uh, I'm here at
Carlson's office to go over
the deal, but they're telling me
the meeting's been pushed?
You're not here either, so...
(sighs)
Is there something
I should know?
Because I can't seem
to get a straight answer.
(sighs) Are you sure
he's not reachable?
Can't you "patch me
through" or something?
Oh, fuck.
Smash says a federal
inquiry may be pending.
An announcement is
expected later this week.
What if Sea Smoke Capital
gets cold feet?
If they drop out...
No, Carlson's not
dropping out, okay?
-He just needs to take a beat.
-HOBBES: Come on, man.
"Take a beat" is investor speak
for "peace the fuck out."
-(sighs)
-(phone vibrates)
-Shit.
-What's up, man? You all right?
Brenda just Words With Friends
me that she wants to fuck.
I thought she was
marrying that Don Julio dude.
Don Julio! It's Jon Carlo, man.
Don't confuse that fat bastard
with the father of
premium tequila!
Okay. Sorry.
Okay. So, do you wanna
put the large pieces
on the east wall,
or closer to the entrance?
Oh, you know, I'm
shit with this, uh,
left brain stuff.
Let's figure it out tomorrow.
I know you'd like
to just show up and
have everything magically
come together,
but the world doesn't
work that way, okay?
So we need to figure
out catering,
uh, rent a truck, booze...
Oh, speaking of booze...
The bar was fun.
-(sighs)
-Oh, my God. That Dane...
Oh, he is a hottie.
And Mitchell--
he is a sweetheart.
I don't wanna talk about
Mitchell or Dane right now.
Oh.
What?
Do you remember Tyson Cutler?
You broke his arm
when he found you doodling
a picture of him in class.
Yeah, I just dislocated it,
actually.
You were never good
at talking to boys.
(sighs)
You're so beautiful.
So smart. So cold.
Okay, Sharron.
Big-ass art show.
-Focus, please.
-I'm just saying,
sex is great, but don't
you wanna feel like...
-(sighs)
-someone knows you?
Your bullshit. Your...
your secrets.
Your... your... your essence.
Your...
Arrgh! I just...
I don't know.
Maybe after watching
her mom stumble through
dozens of failed relationships,
a girl thinks twice
-about diving in.
-You're right.
I have hundreds of
relationships under my belt.
And all of them
a part of me.
How about you, baby girl?
Who's a part of you?
(polyrhythmic drumbeats)
Thanks for finally
returning my calls.
-What?
-I said thanks for
returning my calls.
Been a little busy.
You play?
-You don't look busy.
-What?
I said... can we...?
I studied with a Mongolian
priest in Ulaanbaatar
back in '63--
pudgy fucker named Oleg.
He told me, he said,
"Avail yourself
to the rhythm and your
troubles melt away."
Good man. Horrible breath.
Like wet pennies.
Sounds formative. Can we talk
about the here and now?
Ah. You've been reading
the tabloids.
Hard not to.
You're all over them.
-TechCrunch and ValleySmash...
-Full of shit, as usual.
So you didn't bribe
a congressman?
No, I flew a respected
civic leader to Scotland
to drink single malt, play
a few holes at Saint Andrew's.
-It's called "lobbying."
-Call it what you want.
Sea Smoke Capital pulled
their offer; the other firms
-won't even return my calls.
-A bump in the road.
How can you say that?
I mean, how can you just
sit here jamming when
your empire is burning?
Because people have
been painting targets
on my back since I sprouted
pubes. It'll blow over.
Well, I'm out of runway.
I... I...
I don't even think I can
afford payroll this month.
We're in the middle
of raising...
Nothing scares investors
more than a rich man
whose books are
open to scrutiny.
They're afraid the Feds
are gonna look at their
balance sheets next--
discover where
the bodies are buried.
And what happens to me
when they find your bodies?
Loyalty is easy when the sun is
shining and armies are at rest.
It's only tested when drums
are beaten and swords clash.
I rolled the dice on BRB when
you had nothing. Don't puss out.
I never had nothing.
SHARRON: What about this one?
Don't you think? (gasps)
-Do you have it? Do you have it?
-Okay. I got it. I got it!
Okay. Uh, okay,
bring it around.
* You don't need money
* No, no, no, my love
* You don't need to drive
* Drive a big fancy car
* We just need to make...
Yeah, it was so funny
because I feel like
you were so scared of me
falling into this pond.
* We just need to
make a soul connection... *
Mm-mm. No, no, no, no, no.
-Come on.
-No, no. Come on.
Away, away. Away.
* If what we have is real,
have is real *
* We found the sparks,
now baby it's glowing *
* Started a fire,
now baby it's burning *
* Looks like we made
a soul connection *
* We found a soul connection.
(phone vibrating)
Yo... (sighs)
Haven't heard from you in
24-- like my name Jack Bauer.
It's like, no... but...
just, uh...
wanted to make sure
everything is cool.
You know, you said that
Sharron was a handful, so...
-HOBBES: I'm not on a leash.
-...just let me know.
Fucking Brenda's just basically
playing with my mind
and my heart at this point.
And that's it.
-Yeah, fuck that.
-Pure and simple.
-Fuck that bitch.
-Yeah.
-No shit, dude. Yeah.
-Put it in here.
Make love
to this camera. Come on.
What the hell
are you guys doing?
Dude, fuck!
(sighs)
We're working on
my portfolio, man.
You only get one shot at
the Cavanaughs of this world.
All right, now.
Stay in it.
-Stay fuckin' aggro.
-(grunts)
Take the shirt off!
I wanna see it.
-Oh, God. Yeah.
-I gotta do something, right?
I can't just upend my life
every time she gets horny.
Fuck no, man. Now squat
down like a cat.
Come on. Like a jungle cat.
Oh, yes.
But if I do tell her to
fuck off, she'll just want
me more, so it's a fucking
catch 22.
Now soil the rug.
Soil the rug.
You're a fucking predator now
and you're soiling the rug.
You're a jungle predator!
Get rid of her.
I wanna fucking get rid of her!
Dude, just delete the app!
If Words With Friends
is the only way
that she can get in touch with
you, then just don't answer.
You're fucking right, man.
(electronic whoosh)
It's done.
That was fucking
beautiful, man.
Get in here. Good job.
Yeah, no, no, no.
All the fam hug.
Fam-dam. Come on.
Yeah. (sniffs)
Mm.
What's that product?
It's just shampoo.
Well, he says
it'll blow over.
And what if it doesn't
just "blow over"?
We can't afford
to wait forever.
We don't have to.
Trey. What did you do?
What I should've
done to begin with.
Remember Victoria Ryzik
from Demo Day?
The woman the Murch called
a venomous reptile?
Yes, of course.
I called her to see
if she's still interested.
-Why didn't you tell me?
-Well, I wanted to know
if it was real
before I came to you.
-Is it?
-She wants to meet.
(sobbing)
NASH: What happened?
Probably the same thing
that's happening to us.
Investors are running
for the hills.
(cries)
She's not a pretty crier.
(sighs) Are you
sure about this?
(sighs)
Thanks for agreeing to meet.
I'm sorry it took us
so long to reach out.
Oh, so it didn't have anything
to do with George going nuclear?
Not at all. Look, I
admit his timing sucks,
but Murch is a ten percent
stakeholder in BRB.
-That's not gonna change.
-Loyalty.
That's a rare trait these days.
Hats off to you.
(laughs)
Bottom line, my partners and
I believe in your product.
George's legal issues
aren't gonna change that.
So you'd be willing
to partner up?
Sure.
Old fartbag's got more lives
in him than Rasputin. (laughs)
George'll bounce back and when
he does he'll be a huge asset.
-That's great.
-Hm.
Thank you. And, uh,
maybe while George is...
Radioactive?
Sure. Um, maybe
you could set up
some meetings with
your L.A. investors.
Sure, I can stoke some
fires, but things move
fast in my lane-- so be
ready to come when I call.
Okay.
DANE: Say you're going
blind after you
open your eyes and
see a picture.
What's gonna blow your mind
when it's one image?
Which one is it? Which one
is it? Which one is it?
You guys, uh,
waiting for Sharron?
-Yeah.
-Hello, hotness.
Just called. She's out.
Something about
"prostituting her soul."
So, this is how your mother
repays a favor, is it?
By wasting my time?
Well, now you know.
In addition to being
"intensely visceral,"
Sharron's a fucking flake.
Again, sir, excuse me,
the name's Dane Zantello.
-With two "L"s.
-I know, you mentioned that.
-A lot!
-All right. No, no, no.
But you should
just check out
this one piece.
I have one image
-that's gonna blow...
-(groans)
I can't fucking believe I
fell for her bullshit again.
I mean she just doesn't show?
Who does that?
-Yeah. Getting stood up sucks.
-(sighs)
-Oh, my gosh. You're gonna
do that right now?
-No, no!
I'm just trying to help.
Stop helping! Christ.
Stop clinging!
God, you're like
a lost puppy.
Gross. Just gimme some space!
Whoa, what's the
malfunction, my pretties?
What? (sighs)
Chick's got walls up, dude.
Hell, I tried to scale 'em.
Even got that fuckin' carabiner
and the little spikey
shoe thingies.
-Crampons.
-(chuckles)
That's funny.
Yeah, she wasn't ready.
Look, man, you can't force
someone to let you in, lil' bro.
Now I'm gonna go get a beej
from that Madison
chick, all right?
All right. Stay frosty.
(sighs)
*
You know, then I realized these
canvases are... are static.
Oh, thanks, Carol.
Everyone, please grab a brush.
Let's transform
these canvases!
Take the paint and what
is inside of you.
What is in my heart? Blackness.
Blackness.
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it,
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
-What is he doing now?
-He's got a gun or something.
-He has a gun?
-Just relax.
-Sir, can we have a moment?
-Not a good time, boys.
Getting ready to welcome
the paparazzi outside.
It's important, sir.
We found a way to salvage
investors for BRB.
Well done. Lay it on me.
We know you're not the biggest
fan of Victoria Ryzik,
but for a 15% stake in BRB,
Shore Yield is willing
to partner...
You fucking ingrates!
(Nash shouting)
-(sighs)
-What the hell's going on?
Oh, hey, baby girl.
I'm so glad you made it!
Everyone! Everyone.
This is Mikki, my daughter,
my soul, my... my inspiration!
Sweetie, grab a brush!
Grab a brush.
Are you insane?
You left me waiting
at the gallery like an idiot.
Larry gave you an opportunity.
No, I can't show
these paintings.
They don't represent
me anymore.
-I've changed.
-You haven't changed.
-Yes, I have.
-No, you fucking haven't!
-Yes, I have.
-You never fucking change.
This is classic Sharron, you
know-- you destroy things
before they have a chance
to work out! Really nice.
Well, you can emote.
I was beginning to worry.
Why do you think
I'm like this?
You... you feel enough
for a hundred people.
Okay, and just 'cause
I don't go emoting
all over the walls,
making a mess,
doesn't mean I don't
have feelings.
Mikki!
Well, what was I supposed to do?
Stand by and watch while your
reckless behavior put everything
we've been working for at risk?
You were supposed
to listen to me.
You told me to be bold.
You said, "Get in the ring."
I also told you to stay
the fuck away from Victoria.
Now you want to give
her a majority stake?
What is this vendetta?
BARK is ancient history.
Victoria believes in BRB,
and she's willing to work...
You think this is about BARK?
You know nothing.
Then tell me! What is it
that you're so afraid of?
I don't owe you an explanation,
you little shit, you work for
me.
You wanna cast me aside and
work for my biggest enemy,
well, that's just fine,
but don't act like
you're doing me a favor.
You don't get to have
it both ways, but I do.
No matter what you do, I own
a ten percent stake of BRB,
so enjoy paying my ass the
rest of your fucking lives!
-(paintball fires)
-(gasps)
-I can't move my legs.
-(sighs)
*
* You've been hanging
at the mall too much *
* Your whole life's
stupid, dumb *
* Hanging with
the baddest crowd *
* And you say you're Christian
and you really love America... *
Why are you so upset?
I thought we were
having a nice time.
If it's about the show--
I didn't wanna do it.
And it was my show, so you
shouldn't be so upset.
It's not about the show, okay?
It's... it's about you.
You're never around.
You're always fucking moving.
And moving.
I just want you to stay.
I want you to be my mom.
I want you to be who you
say you're gonna be.
-Sweetie.
-(sighs)
I don't ever want
to stop moving.
That is who I am.
I don't like who you are.
I know.
You need to live your own life.
How am I supposed to do that?
You come and go whenever.
You just... you're... you're
living in my apartment.
That's my fucking jacket!
-Yes. It is.
-God damn it, Sharron.
-I'm sorry.
-No, no.
I will figure something out.
Just... just stay.
Next time you come back
from wherever the fuck...
pick someone else's lock.
*
VICTORIA: I'm sorry George
flipped out on you.
I really thought that he
was gonna come around.
I guess the stress
of the investigation
-is really getting to him.
-It's fine.
I have to do what's
right for the company.
Atta boy.
You know, we're building
something incredible down here.
The future of social.
I'll see you soon.
What did she say?
I'm going to Los Angeles.
*
(knocking at door)
Yeah? What do you want?
* Stop to complain and
turn your head around *
* Restrain yourself
and then you die *
* Did you tell your friends
how much you missed them all? *
* How great is to live...
Whoa, whoa, wait!
Wait. I...
This isn't how I...
No, no. I mean, I...
(sighs)
What's going on?
What happened?
* Too late, the party's over
-(sobbing)
-* And I really need to go
* Would you do
something for me? *
-(cries)
-* Do something for me
* Would you put me to sleep?
* Put me to sleep...
(cries)
MAN: Watch all episodes
of Alpha House,
starring John Goodman.
-Oh, that'd be great.
-Exclusively on
Amazon Prime Instant Video
Amazing.
in my pocket *
* Tryin' to keep you satisfied
* It's like I got to
burn a million bridges *
* Just to keep you by my side
* Don't make waves
in the water *
* 'Less you mess around
and you'll drown *
* It's not like I could
have stopped her *
-* 'Cause a girl
can't be tied down... *
-(rattling)
(rattling continues)
(screams)
-Oh, fuck. Sharron.
-Hey, baby girl.
-What the fuck are you doing?
-Cooking.
-What the fuck are you doing?
-I live here. Christ.
What? How did you get in?
Oh. Remember my
Linda Hamilton phase?
Oh. Yeah.
I still got some
badass moves up my skirt.
-Yeah, you can't smoke in here.
-Mm-hmm.
And you should've
called first.
I gave up phones.
Such a bullshit crutch.
(sighs) So good to see you.
(laughs) Oh. How's tricks?
Oh, tell me everything.
Peru was life-shattering.
Just...
I think it shattered my life.
Come help me with the aguadito.
Oh. You wanna chop?
I know you do.
Chop, chop.
Chop, chop, chop.
Mm, do you have any wine?
Oh, um, vodka?
Oh, or, um, gin. Oh, I'd
love gin right now.
-(sighs)
-Gin is supposed to be
so good for you.
* I'm a broken man,
I'm damaged goods *
* Lock me in the basement
with furnace soot... *
You're probably wondering why
I'm preparing poison blow fish.
-I was wondering that.
-Poison?
Fugu is one of the most
delectable creatures
in all the ocean.
Prepare it wrong
and it's deadlier
than cyanide.
Also, illegal in the States.
Eating it is a sign of trust
between diner and the chef.
-That's incredible.
-Wait'll you taste
its ovaries.
I pickle 'em myself.
-(coughs)
-I thought we should celebrate.
BRB's user growth the past few
weeks has been phenomenal.
Michael Lau's endorsement really
drove a lot of users our way.
It helped. But I think
the new iteration
is really connecting
with people.
I agree, and the
interest I'm getting
from investors
is proof of that.
Are you guys prepared
for your meeting?
Sea Smoke Capital
is a major player.
Carlson and I go way back.
Absolutely, sir.
We're very excited.
I feel tingly.
And my lips are numb.
Oh, shit. That's the fugu.
Lie still-- you need to
slow your circulation.
(coughs)
And then... I hear...
a voice.
-My... my inner voice.
-Yeah.
Uh, weren't you tripping on
some sort of psychotropic
jungle vine?
Ayahuasca is medicine, hon.
-Ah.
-Anyway, after...
after listening to the icaros of
the shaman and purging myself,
this voice shared
a truth with me.
It told me... I wasn't ready
to be your mother.
-I was just a baby myself.
-You were 22.
A baby, just a baby.
-Great. Okay.
-(whispers): A baby.
So, I need to tell you.
I met someone in Peru.
Oh, God. Congrats!
A man on every continent.
Funny, but no. Larry, uh,
owns an art gallery.
And he wants to
show my paintings!
That's why I'm in town.
Uh, wow, you're painting now?
I've always painted, hon.
Uh, with light, or clay, or
the foam wand at Starbuck's.
Remember the little leaf
I put on your latte?
C'mon. This dude clearly wants
to get in your pants.
-That, or you hallucinated.
-Oh, will you come with me?
He's showing me
a space this afternoon.
(groans)
MITCHELL:
Dude, 210,000 users?
That's like, 140 times the
size of my old high school.
God, I love
your stories, Mitch.
Sorry. Sorry I'm late.
Mom bomb dropped on me
out of the clear blue.
I'm gonna go suck down
a couple Pop Tarts.
Nice. You should try
the red velvet ones.
They're super...
very good.
Dude, it's been weeks.
She stood you up.
It's a bummer sharing
a desk with a chump.
-Okay. Fine.
I'll go talk to her.
-Yeah.
(typing)
Yo...
-Hey. (sighs)
-What up, girl?
Listen, I... I gotta
dip outta here later.
Sharron's got this thing.
Can you cover for me?
Two hours, tops.
Oh. Yeah. Sure.
-Thanks.
-Totally McGotally.
(clears throat)
So your mom's in town, huh?
Can't wait to meet her.
Yes, you can. (sighs)
Thanks, Mizzy.
You're the best.
George speaks very highly
of Sea Smoke Capital.
As you know, he's been an
incredible resource for us.
Yeah, we're all besties.
Look, Murch and I have made
a lot of bread together.
He says jump, I ask, "Off
what cliff?" So... what cliff?
Well, I'll just run you
through our deck. (laughs)
Uh, social's become stagnant.
Users are hungry for tools that
encourage a real life meeting.
You don't have to
convene in Facebook.
I don't sit down without
doing my homework.
"Enabling serendipity."
"Face to face."
I dig your approach. What
valuation are you raising at?
Well, just to give
some context...
-May I?
-Uh, yeah.
You've got slow hands.
Good if you're Clapton,
bad if you knew
my schedule today.
Well, based on user growth
metrics, our proprietary tech,
and a model that includes
both ad dollars and...
Shocking-- it says you're
gonna be a huge success.
Uh, is there something wrong?
I have a robust portfolio.
Twitter. Tumblr. Uber.
If it's valued
north of a billion
and ends in "er,"
I got a piece of it.
If I do a round,
I want to lead it
at ten percent of
total valuation.
What's the valuation?
We feel valuing BRB at 12
million is quite reasonable.
Got it. One-point-two. Done.
Look, I know the social
cloud may seem over-seeded
at the moment, but I think
if you... what?
He said, "done."
DANE: Gynecology's like
watching porn all day...
-Hey! What's up?
-(cheering)
-Yeah. Bringin' home the bacon!
-Congrats, man. Big deal.
-Hell, yeah.
-If the rest of the meetings
go that well,
we're all gonna be getting our
own shiny new offices very soon.
Yeah. We should definitely
make sure there are
-Jacuzzis in there.
-Okay. Okay. Jacuzz...
-It's important for morale.
-I know it's important.
Where... Hey, where's Mikki?
She should hear the good news.
Ah. She had a thing.
She had like a girl, lady thing.
What, like a quinceanera?
So, uh, now Dane's coming on
full-time with everybody,
right? Yeah.
Grand Imperial Wizard
of Graphic Design.
You might wanna rethink
that title.
Yeah, that's a Ku Klux Klan
type of title, there.
Oh, I thought
it was a Token.
-"J.R." Token... Token, uh...
-Unless he was a racist.
-I don't think so.
-Thought it was "Star Wars."
-Oh, shit.
-No, man.
-This place is baller.
-Mm-hmm.
Are you sure you're
not banging this guy?
I'll have to
call you back, Idris.
Someone more important
needs my attention.
-Cano jacon paranta.
-Cano jacon paranta.
-Akushama! (laughs)
-Akushama! (laughs)
So, what do you think?
-It's too much.
-Yeah?
All I need is four walls
and a blank canvas.
Please. I'm expecting
greatness from you.
Plus, the sculptor I had leased
it to had a psychotic break.
So it's... it's free through
the end of the month.
-So, you must be Mikki.
-Mm-hmm.
You're even more beautiful
than Sharron said.
Oh. Stop.
So tell me, what do you
think of Sharron's new work?
I haven't actually
seen it yet.
Oh! It's been haunting me.
So, so intensely visceral.
Mads, when's
that open block?
-Saturday. We went over this.
-The attitude on this one.
I thought you said
it was next month.
Oh, I did. But a batch
of giclГ©es got held up
in Romanian customs and I've
got white space to fill.
I still have
a painting to finish--
I... I feel pressure.
I can't just like
create under pressure.
She'll be ready.
-I... I feel so...
-I'll help you. I'll help you.
(sighs) What about
your J.O.B.?
I'll take a couple days off.
I work for equity anyway.
It's...
I'm proud not to know
what that word means.
"Equity," or "work"?
Corgis aren't dogs, they're
toys. They're little toys.
But they're not
that expensive.
-Hey!
-Hey!
Hey kiddies,
congrats on the fat stacks.
-Thank you.
-This is Sharron.
-Hi.
-She gave birth to me.
Oh, look at you adorable
little worker bees.
Building the future, just one
brain tumor at a time. (laughs)
Yeah, she read that
cell phones cause cancer.
It's cute. Okay. Uh...
Sharron's in town for a show.
She's a painter.
-Cool.
-No shit.
Painter, artist, uh, explorer,
diviner, you know.
-Part-time dental hygienist.
-Variety is the spice.
-Yes, it is.
-It is, isn't it?
I dabble in the art, uh,
a little bit myself.
Yeah. Medium format photos.
Oh, no shit! I, uh,
bummed around, uh, Kenya
with a Wista 45
a few years back.
-Oh, dangerous.
-Oh, my God. I miss film.
This digital crap--
(groans) no soul.
Right? Lifeless. Totally.
Uh, you should come
to Cavanaugh's,
you know, over on Geary?
That's my show.
-I totally know Cavanaugh's.
-(laughs) Yeah.
I saw this installation
there a while back.
And this chick made
this alley outta paper mache.
-Fantastic.
-You walk in...
...she jumps out
and tries to rape you.
I love it. Devastating.
I love it.
The whole thing was
called "No Means Yes."
You know, uh, Trey was asking
about you earlier.
No worries, though,
I covered for ya.
Just, uh, wanted to make
sure you're all good...
-Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you.
-Yeah?
I been trying
to get my portfolio
in front of those guys
for months. God.
I, you know, I tended
his soul in the jungle.
-Cool.
-Let me make an intro.
Hell, yeah. I gotta
take pictures of you.
-(phone chimes)
-Oh. What the hell?
Oh, my God.
ValleySmash News Alert.
"George Murchison, legendary
V.C. and lead investor
in hit parking app Valet-Me,
has been... "
"...accused of bribing
a government official
to grease the wheels
on an eight-figure deal
between Valet-Me
and General Motors."
Fat cats,
think they run the world.
Yeah, well, that fat cat
is our lead investor.
Does this mean we have
to pay for drinks?
I spent my last five buying
beer for high school kids.
What? They had weed.
(voicemail): This is George.
Say your piece. Namaste.
It's Trey. Uh, I'm here at
Carlson's office to go over
the deal, but they're telling me
the meeting's been pushed?
You're not here either, so...
(sighs)
Is there something
I should know?
Because I can't seem
to get a straight answer.
(sighs) Are you sure
he's not reachable?
Can't you "patch me
through" or something?
Oh, fuck.
Smash says a federal
inquiry may be pending.
An announcement is
expected later this week.
What if Sea Smoke Capital
gets cold feet?
If they drop out...
No, Carlson's not
dropping out, okay?
-He just needs to take a beat.
-HOBBES: Come on, man.
"Take a beat" is investor speak
for "peace the fuck out."
-(sighs)
-(phone vibrates)
-Shit.
-What's up, man? You all right?
Brenda just Words With Friends
me that she wants to fuck.
I thought she was
marrying that Don Julio dude.
Don Julio! It's Jon Carlo, man.
Don't confuse that fat bastard
with the father of
premium tequila!
Okay. Sorry.
Okay. So, do you wanna
put the large pieces
on the east wall,
or closer to the entrance?
Oh, you know, I'm
shit with this, uh,
left brain stuff.
Let's figure it out tomorrow.
I know you'd like
to just show up and
have everything magically
come together,
but the world doesn't
work that way, okay?
So we need to figure
out catering,
uh, rent a truck, booze...
Oh, speaking of booze...
The bar was fun.
-(sighs)
-Oh, my God. That Dane...
Oh, he is a hottie.
And Mitchell--
he is a sweetheart.
I don't wanna talk about
Mitchell or Dane right now.
Oh.
What?
Do you remember Tyson Cutler?
You broke his arm
when he found you doodling
a picture of him in class.
Yeah, I just dislocated it,
actually.
You were never good
at talking to boys.
(sighs)
You're so beautiful.
So smart. So cold.
Okay, Sharron.
Big-ass art show.
-Focus, please.
-I'm just saying,
sex is great, but don't
you wanna feel like...
-(sighs)
-someone knows you?
Your bullshit. Your...
your secrets.
Your... your... your essence.
Your...
Arrgh! I just...
I don't know.
Maybe after watching
her mom stumble through
dozens of failed relationships,
a girl thinks twice
-about diving in.
-You're right.
I have hundreds of
relationships under my belt.
And all of them
a part of me.
How about you, baby girl?
Who's a part of you?
(polyrhythmic drumbeats)
Thanks for finally
returning my calls.
-What?
-I said thanks for
returning my calls.
Been a little busy.
You play?
-You don't look busy.
-What?
I said... can we...?
I studied with a Mongolian
priest in Ulaanbaatar
back in '63--
pudgy fucker named Oleg.
He told me, he said,
"Avail yourself
to the rhythm and your
troubles melt away."
Good man. Horrible breath.
Like wet pennies.
Sounds formative. Can we talk
about the here and now?
Ah. You've been reading
the tabloids.
Hard not to.
You're all over them.
-TechCrunch and ValleySmash...
-Full of shit, as usual.
So you didn't bribe
a congressman?
No, I flew a respected
civic leader to Scotland
to drink single malt, play
a few holes at Saint Andrew's.
-It's called "lobbying."
-Call it what you want.
Sea Smoke Capital pulled
their offer; the other firms
-won't even return my calls.
-A bump in the road.
How can you say that?
I mean, how can you just
sit here jamming when
your empire is burning?
Because people have
been painting targets
on my back since I sprouted
pubes. It'll blow over.
Well, I'm out of runway.
I... I...
I don't even think I can
afford payroll this month.
We're in the middle
of raising...
Nothing scares investors
more than a rich man
whose books are
open to scrutiny.
They're afraid the Feds
are gonna look at their
balance sheets next--
discover where
the bodies are buried.
And what happens to me
when they find your bodies?
Loyalty is easy when the sun is
shining and armies are at rest.
It's only tested when drums
are beaten and swords clash.
I rolled the dice on BRB when
you had nothing. Don't puss out.
I never had nothing.
SHARRON: What about this one?
Don't you think? (gasps)
-Do you have it? Do you have it?
-Okay. I got it. I got it!
Okay. Uh, okay,
bring it around.
* You don't need money
* No, no, no, my love
* You don't need to drive
* Drive a big fancy car
* We just need to make...
Yeah, it was so funny
because I feel like
you were so scared of me
falling into this pond.
* We just need to
make a soul connection... *
Mm-mm. No, no, no, no, no.
-Come on.
-No, no. Come on.
Away, away. Away.
* If what we have is real,
have is real *
* We found the sparks,
now baby it's glowing *
* Started a fire,
now baby it's burning *
* Looks like we made
a soul connection *
* We found a soul connection.
(phone vibrating)
Yo... (sighs)
Haven't heard from you in
24-- like my name Jack Bauer.
It's like, no... but...
just, uh...
wanted to make sure
everything is cool.
You know, you said that
Sharron was a handful, so...
-HOBBES: I'm not on a leash.
-...just let me know.
Fucking Brenda's just basically
playing with my mind
and my heart at this point.
And that's it.
-Yeah, fuck that.
-Pure and simple.
-Fuck that bitch.
-Yeah.
-No shit, dude. Yeah.
-Put it in here.
Make love
to this camera. Come on.
What the hell
are you guys doing?
Dude, fuck!
(sighs)
We're working on
my portfolio, man.
You only get one shot at
the Cavanaughs of this world.
All right, now.
Stay in it.
-Stay fuckin' aggro.
-(grunts)
Take the shirt off!
I wanna see it.
-Oh, God. Yeah.
-I gotta do something, right?
I can't just upend my life
every time she gets horny.
Fuck no, man. Now squat
down like a cat.
Come on. Like a jungle cat.
Oh, yes.
But if I do tell her to
fuck off, she'll just want
me more, so it's a fucking
catch 22.
Now soil the rug.
Soil the rug.
You're a fucking predator now
and you're soiling the rug.
You're a jungle predator!
Get rid of her.
I wanna fucking get rid of her!
Dude, just delete the app!
If Words With Friends
is the only way
that she can get in touch with
you, then just don't answer.
You're fucking right, man.
(electronic whoosh)
It's done.
That was fucking
beautiful, man.
Get in here. Good job.
Yeah, no, no, no.
All the fam hug.
Fam-dam. Come on.
Yeah. (sniffs)
Mm.
What's that product?
It's just shampoo.
Well, he says
it'll blow over.
And what if it doesn't
just "blow over"?
We can't afford
to wait forever.
We don't have to.
Trey. What did you do?
What I should've
done to begin with.
Remember Victoria Ryzik
from Demo Day?
The woman the Murch called
a venomous reptile?
Yes, of course.
I called her to see
if she's still interested.
-Why didn't you tell me?
-Well, I wanted to know
if it was real
before I came to you.
-Is it?
-She wants to meet.
(sobbing)
NASH: What happened?
Probably the same thing
that's happening to us.
Investors are running
for the hills.
(cries)
She's not a pretty crier.
(sighs) Are you
sure about this?
(sighs)
Thanks for agreeing to meet.
I'm sorry it took us
so long to reach out.
Oh, so it didn't have anything
to do with George going nuclear?
Not at all. Look, I
admit his timing sucks,
but Murch is a ten percent
stakeholder in BRB.
-That's not gonna change.
-Loyalty.
That's a rare trait these days.
Hats off to you.
(laughs)
Bottom line, my partners and
I believe in your product.
George's legal issues
aren't gonna change that.
So you'd be willing
to partner up?
Sure.
Old fartbag's got more lives
in him than Rasputin. (laughs)
George'll bounce back and when
he does he'll be a huge asset.
-That's great.
-Hm.
Thank you. And, uh,
maybe while George is...
Radioactive?
Sure. Um, maybe
you could set up
some meetings with
your L.A. investors.
Sure, I can stoke some
fires, but things move
fast in my lane-- so be
ready to come when I call.
Okay.
DANE: Say you're going
blind after you
open your eyes and
see a picture.
What's gonna blow your mind
when it's one image?
Which one is it? Which one
is it? Which one is it?
You guys, uh,
waiting for Sharron?
-Yeah.
-Hello, hotness.
Just called. She's out.
Something about
"prostituting her soul."
So, this is how your mother
repays a favor, is it?
By wasting my time?
Well, now you know.
In addition to being
"intensely visceral,"
Sharron's a fucking flake.
Again, sir, excuse me,
the name's Dane Zantello.
-With two "L"s.
-I know, you mentioned that.
-A lot!
-All right. No, no, no.
But you should
just check out
this one piece.
I have one image
-that's gonna blow...
-(groans)
I can't fucking believe I
fell for her bullshit again.
I mean she just doesn't show?
Who does that?
-Yeah. Getting stood up sucks.
-(sighs)
-Oh, my gosh. You're gonna
do that right now?
-No, no!
I'm just trying to help.
Stop helping! Christ.
Stop clinging!
God, you're like
a lost puppy.
Gross. Just gimme some space!
Whoa, what's the
malfunction, my pretties?
What? (sighs)
Chick's got walls up, dude.
Hell, I tried to scale 'em.
Even got that fuckin' carabiner
and the little spikey
shoe thingies.
-Crampons.
-(chuckles)
That's funny.
Yeah, she wasn't ready.
Look, man, you can't force
someone to let you in, lil' bro.
Now I'm gonna go get a beej
from that Madison
chick, all right?
All right. Stay frosty.
(sighs)
*
You know, then I realized these
canvases are... are static.
Oh, thanks, Carol.
Everyone, please grab a brush.
Let's transform
these canvases!
Take the paint and what
is inside of you.
What is in my heart? Blackness.
Blackness.
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it,
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
-What is he doing now?
-He's got a gun or something.
-He has a gun?
-Just relax.
-Sir, can we have a moment?
-Not a good time, boys.
Getting ready to welcome
the paparazzi outside.
It's important, sir.
We found a way to salvage
investors for BRB.
Well done. Lay it on me.
We know you're not the biggest
fan of Victoria Ryzik,
but for a 15% stake in BRB,
Shore Yield is willing
to partner...
You fucking ingrates!
(Nash shouting)
-(sighs)
-What the hell's going on?
Oh, hey, baby girl.
I'm so glad you made it!
Everyone! Everyone.
This is Mikki, my daughter,
my soul, my... my inspiration!
Sweetie, grab a brush!
Grab a brush.
Are you insane?
You left me waiting
at the gallery like an idiot.
Larry gave you an opportunity.
No, I can't show
these paintings.
They don't represent
me anymore.
-I've changed.
-You haven't changed.
-Yes, I have.
-No, you fucking haven't!
-Yes, I have.
-You never fucking change.
This is classic Sharron, you
know-- you destroy things
before they have a chance
to work out! Really nice.
Well, you can emote.
I was beginning to worry.
Why do you think
I'm like this?
You... you feel enough
for a hundred people.
Okay, and just 'cause
I don't go emoting
all over the walls,
making a mess,
doesn't mean I don't
have feelings.
Mikki!
Well, what was I supposed to do?
Stand by and watch while your
reckless behavior put everything
we've been working for at risk?
You were supposed
to listen to me.
You told me to be bold.
You said, "Get in the ring."
I also told you to stay
the fuck away from Victoria.
Now you want to give
her a majority stake?
What is this vendetta?
BARK is ancient history.
Victoria believes in BRB,
and she's willing to work...
You think this is about BARK?
You know nothing.
Then tell me! What is it
that you're so afraid of?
I don't owe you an explanation,
you little shit, you work for
me.
You wanna cast me aside and
work for my biggest enemy,
well, that's just fine,
but don't act like
you're doing me a favor.
You don't get to have
it both ways, but I do.
No matter what you do, I own
a ten percent stake of BRB,
so enjoy paying my ass the
rest of your fucking lives!
-(paintball fires)
-(gasps)
-I can't move my legs.
-(sighs)
*
* You've been hanging
at the mall too much *
* Your whole life's
stupid, dumb *
* Hanging with
the baddest crowd *
* And you say you're Christian
and you really love America... *
Why are you so upset?
I thought we were
having a nice time.
If it's about the show--
I didn't wanna do it.
And it was my show, so you
shouldn't be so upset.
It's not about the show, okay?
It's... it's about you.
You're never around.
You're always fucking moving.
And moving.
I just want you to stay.
I want you to be my mom.
I want you to be who you
say you're gonna be.
-Sweetie.
-(sighs)
I don't ever want
to stop moving.
That is who I am.
I don't like who you are.
I know.
You need to live your own life.
How am I supposed to do that?
You come and go whenever.
You just... you're... you're
living in my apartment.
That's my fucking jacket!
-Yes. It is.
-God damn it, Sharron.
-I'm sorry.
-No, no.
I will figure something out.
Just... just stay.
Next time you come back
from wherever the fuck...
pick someone else's lock.
*
VICTORIA: I'm sorry George
flipped out on you.
I really thought that he
was gonna come around.
I guess the stress
of the investigation
-is really getting to him.
-It's fine.
I have to do what's
right for the company.
Atta boy.
You know, we're building
something incredible down here.
The future of social.
I'll see you soon.
What did she say?
I'm going to Los Angeles.
*
(knocking at door)
Yeah? What do you want?
* Stop to complain and
turn your head around *
* Restrain yourself
and then you die *
* Did you tell your friends
how much you missed them all? *
* How great is to live...
Whoa, whoa, wait!
Wait. I...
This isn't how I...
No, no. I mean, I...
(sighs)
What's going on?
What happened?
* Too late, the party's over
-(sobbing)
-* And I really need to go
* Would you do
something for me? *
-(cries)
-* Do something for me
* Would you put me to sleep?
* Put me to sleep...
(cries)
MAN: Watch all episodes
of Alpha House,
starring John Goodman.
-Oh, that'd be great.
-Exclusively on
Amazon Prime Instant Video
Amazing.