Betas (2013–2014): Season 1, Episode 7 - Strange Magic - full transcript

With the team in disarray before Demo Day, Murch sends Trey and the boys to a team-building retreat in the woods. Once there, they quickly reject the retreat's itinerary and go rogue. In the end, their trip yields insights into the future of BRB and brings them closer together, in ways they never expected.

(snoring)

No. No, Nash, you don't
have to do everything.

I'm just... I'm
saying it would be

a lot easier if you
were actually here.

What? No. Goddamn it, Nash.
Would you...(sighs)

A lot of late nights alone,
Barrett. New management style?

Nah, we're taking shifts.

'Cause we're trying
to push a big update.

Don't bullshit me.
I've got eyes.

Your team barely speaks.
When they do they're
at each other's throats.

How far are you willing to go
to get the band back together?



As far as I have to.

Right answer. Get your team
here by 6:00 a.m.

-What?
-I'll have a car waiting.

* I'm a broken man,
I'm damaged goods *

* Lock me in the basement
with furnace soot *

-(horn honks insistently)
-Not-bitch!

* You are not plain,
you are not plain *

* Let me whisper
in your brain *

* This sound can't be ignored,
this sound can't be ignored *

* It's insane,
it's just insane *

* People doing puzzles
in their brain *

* Hanging them up on the wall

* They're hanging them up
on the wall *

Gentlemen...
welcome to "The Place."



Wait. Did you ride
all the way from--?

God no. I have an airstrip
a few miles up the road.

Thought I'd log a couple
hours behind the stick,

then burn some miles
on the trail. Where's
the gangsta chick?

-Paid gig in Oakland, sir.
-Her loss.

I imagine ya'll have questions.

This place has the answers.

"In every walk with
nature one receives

far more than he seeks."
John Muir said that.

The "Body is
a Wonderland," dude?

No, the naturalist, you dipshit.

First, I need your tech.

Phones, fitbits,
nano-pods, all of it. Now.

Uh, I can't sleep without
my white noise app.

I want you naked
out here.

Open. No walls.
No crutches.

Nothing between you
and your authentic selves.

However hideous they may be.
Cough it up.

Now, sir, what
exactly are your expectations?

I want to make sure the team
gets the most out of this.

Well, Barrett, I expect you
to figure it the fuck out.

Everything you need to
complete this challenge
is inside that cabin.

Wait a second. Challenge?

A test. An exercise. A goddamn
intervention. Take your pick.

The point is, you'll either rise
to the occasion or you won't.

How long are we
supposed to be out here?

When are you coming back?

There is no back, only forward!

Hey, wait. All of our things
are in the back!

-(clamoring shouts)
-Stop! Where are you...?

(sighs)
Shoot!

-Huh.
-Total shithole, bros.

(coughs)

We seem to be short a bed.

-I'll take the floor.
-(sneezes)

I have seasonal
allergic rhinitis... (sighs)

and I left my Claritin
in Mr. Murchison's car.

See, it's no big deal,
I just need them to breathe.

Great. No fucking power.

(sighs) We have
no heat, no power,

and no way of communicating
with the outside world.

No board games either.

Parcheesi would be
clutch right now.

No food in the kitchen.

I did find a dead shrew.
And this.

Looks like a care
package from The Murch.
"The truth you seek is inside."

Hmm.

Well, this stuff
is seriously rando.

Maybe Murch killed a drifter.

Really?

No.

Damn it.

Hey, allow me.
I was a Webelos.

God, it's so fucking
beautiful out here.

Reminds me of my
off-the-grid days.

Yes. This dirt is gorgeous.

What is with you? Everything
is always glass half empty.

Oh, don't you attack
me because you refuse

to acknowledge that this
weekend is a disaster.

Wha--

Come on.

Ah! Gosh dang it!
I'm such a worthless idiot!

Whoa. Tranquilo, little man.

You've been hittin' the Dead
Rising a little hard lately.

-When's the last time you slept?
-I don't know. A while.

-All right. Well...
Want some beef jerky?
-Yes, please.

TREY: Well, what was
I supposed to do?

Demo Day is three
weeks away,

and we're a mess.
The app is stagnant.

You think I don't know that?

Well, it sure doesn't
feel like it.

I seem to be the only one
trying to fix BRB.

You're not fixing anything,
OK?

Demo Day wouldn't
even be a problem

-if you'd just accepted
Michael's offer.
-(laughs)

-Whoa. An offer?
-It was nothing.

Lau offered us more users.
50,000, minimum.

And, uh, we're not taking
the offer because...?

Because it's not
a real solution.

It's just juking the stats.

You can't just
magic wand this away

with a "Wire" reference, man.
50,000 users is pretty significant.

You can't keep ignoring me.

-I'm your co-founder.
-And I'm CEO!

It's my job to make decisions
on behalf of the team.

The team? (laughs)
Hobbes is a mental deficient

who we should've
fired months ago.

And Mitchell hacked BRB
leaving me to clean up his mess!

Wait. What? What do you mean
Mitchell hacked BRB?

He changed the code to
match better with Mikki.

-You promised you wouldn't tell!
-And neither of you told me?!

Our launch almost went off
the rails 'cause of you!

I hunted down my ex-wife.

I punched some girl in the tit
and became famous for it,

and then I lit my cat
on fucking fire!

-Bro-bro, come on, man.
-No! Get outta my face, man!

Nash is right.
We're not a team.

We're just a bunch of selfish
assholes who deserve
to die in these woods.

I can't believe I fucking rubbed
your shoulders, man. Disgusting.

(sighs)

* Mama, there's
wolves in the house *

* Mama, they won't
make nice... *

-Couldn't sleep?
-Jesus, you scared me.

Sorry. Had a nightmare
that I was

stuck in the woods
without any technology.

Right.

-You crack the code yet?
-(clears throat)

What do you make of this?

"Who's adventurous enough to
want to go on that journey?

"Do you realize when you go on
that journey in order to get

"to the destination you can
never get to the destination?

In the process, you must die."

Well, it's either some O.G.
hippie shit or a call to action.

Knowing Murch, probably both.

Also it's hard to know what
"the destination" is when...

-You only have half a map. Yeah.
-Yeah.

I mean, near as I can
tell, we're here.

-But beyond that...
-What's up with these
dog-eared pages?

Uh, they're just forest facts.

There's a passage about spruce
trees, a description of a lake.

Maybe it's the page numbers
that matter, not the text.

Coordinates for the map,
like a grid system.

OK.

Give me the numbers.

25, uh, 46...

55, 72.

55, 72...

"Who's adventurous enough
to go on that journey?"

That's gotta be it.

Well, whatever we're looking for
should be right around here.

-I've been counting my steps.
-The whole time?

3,500. That's 1.7 miles,
give or take.

And yet I've never seen
you plug in to recharge.
Are you a solar-power model?

A robot joke.
How original.

Robotic response.

(sighs) Man, I'd kill for
my tunes right about now.

I just copped the new
Freddie Gibbs tape.

Wasn't even halfway through
listening to that joint,

Murch was like, "Blaow!"
Stuck us up for our tech,
our necessities.

(sneezes)

Oh, man. I used to have
terrible allergies, myself.

I used to get these,
like, epic nosebleeds

-in math class when I would...
-Stop talking, please.

Well, it's definitely
the same tree.

So what?
Do we chop it down?

-Why would we do that?
-I dunno,
I thought firewood.

Guys, look.

I guess we dig.

Well, allow me.

-Oh.
-Oh, shit.

(grunts)
Guys, we got box.

Holy shit. Stewart Brand.
Jack Dorsey.

Elon Musk. Fucking Murch.

MITCHELL:
What? Oh.

Look at him. Jesus, he looks
like a little kid, right?

Steve Jobs.

This is insane.
Every tech luminary of the last

30 years is here,
standing in front of this tree.

Jackpot!

Oh, that's what
the tape was for.

Thanks, Captain Obvious.

Now the final coordinates...

-55, 72.
-55, 72.

It's six miles away.

We can make it in two hours.

You better make that eight.
Bottom of the box.

"The truth you seek is inside."

Murch wasn't talking
about beef jerky.

-He was talking about our minds.
-What are those?

It's LSD. Four tabs
for four cool dudes.

You're dehydrated--
and possibly insane.

Those are pieces of tin foil.

Are you kidding me, man?
Look at these photos!

Every single one of these
guys is an astral traveler.

Murch clearly wants us to
join the ranks of the men

who traveled before us, and
this tree is our launching pad.

Yeah, and Phish are probably
playing the next clearing over.

No one is dropping
acid with you.

It's not your decision.
Maybe I want to.

Yeah. Maybe Nash wants to.

Nash, remember what happened
when we ate pot brownies?

You thought you were blind.

You're my brother. Good job.
Mitch? Mitchy Mitch?

You ready to squeegee
that third eye? Ah!

I'm just not 100%
about mixing my meds with acid.

I mean if I had my phone I could
look it up on WebMD, but...

-It'll be fine.
-Yes.

Getting wasted in the woods
is not gonna solve our problems.

HOBBES: Who's talking about
getting wasted, man?

We're not getting wasted.
We're thinking different, OK?

You think George Murchison

sent us here to eat
S'mores and hike?

No. He's giving us
all the red pill.

Join us in
the Circle of the Real.

Trey isn't a joiner.
He likes to go it alone.

(laughs) Yeah!
God, man.

Newfound respect for all
three of you. It's crazy.

Brothers.
Connect four.

All right, let's do this.

Everybody say
"chromosome damage."

-Chromosome damage.
-Don't say that.

* Ride on that easy rider

* Flow like that Harlem River

* I run for you,
I run for you *

* I run for you,
I run for you... *

We're 60% water, right?
You just added more you to you.

Oh, I can feel it all through
my body. Cell by cell.

-What would be amazing right
about now is Mountain Dew.
-(scoffs)

This is...this is literally
mountain dew.

-(laughs)
-Nice.

-(laughs)
-(grunts)

It's like holding
a meteor shower.

What you're holding is time.
The end result of millions
of years of geologic process.

That could be a mountain.
It could be an eagle.
It could be a manatee,

because this was once
the bottom of the ocean.

Why don't we look at dirt?

It's all around us,
and we never really look.

Good call.

Yeah, I'm seeing all
sorts of crazy stuff,

you guys, right now.

My mind is just blown from all
the highness that we're doing.

Gentlemen, I believe
we are dry of water.

Please do not suggest
drinking our own urine again.

I think it's OK
if you boil it first.

Not if it's straight
from the source.

You're not peeing
in my mouth, bro.

(laughs)

Yo, dudes, there's something
written on this map.

"Talk to Scarlet."

Scarlet... Wine. Blood. Sin.

Maybe it's an anagram.

"Call Task Otter..."

Uh... "Altar Lock Test..."

"Tell Tacos Kart..."

"Elk Scrotal Tat"?

Boom! That's gotta be it.

Guys... Maybe we're
looking for a guy

with an elk tattooed
on his balls, instead
of an elk with a guy.

It may not even be an anagram,
and even if it was...

There's over 3,400
possible word combinations.

(whispers):
How does he do that?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

Am I tripping, or
is that a truck?

You are, and it is.

An old, red truck.
In the middle --

Wait, wait,
wait, wait--

-"Talk to Scarlet."
-The truck is Scarlet.

(laughs) There's
a cooler in the back.

-I fucking love The Murch,
you guys!
-(laughs)

-(laughs)
-Fuck. Yes!

I mean this ginger ale
is crucial, fer sure,

but driving this thing
seems like a bad idea.

You gotta stop being
such a pussy.

Wouldn't the Murch have left us
keys if he wanted us to drive?

It's another riddle
for us to solve, man.

It's all part of the fun.

You remember that device
we built freshman year,

to hack the dorm
vending machine?

Our R.A. caught us and
we paid him off with Kit Kats.

(laughing)

Oh, that feels like so long ago.

(sighs)

Why are we friends?

What do you mean?

If we hadn't been roommates, we
wouldn't even be here right now.

We wouldn't even
know each other.
It's just random chance.

You don't know that.
We had classes together.

Have you ever looked
us up? On BRB?

Yeah. Sure.

42%.

It's a terrible match.

We got a "Call of Duty"
sitch at twelve o'clock.

Interesting. I think
you might've been right
about this truck, Mitch.

-What do we do?
-Exit the vehicle slowly.

Guys, we're not alone.

Hey! What the hell
are you doing?!

It seems like they've
been running forever.

-Totally.
-OK, dudes,

here's the thing--
I'm not tripping.

I only pretended to dose, so
this is actually happening!

We're about to be taken and Liam
Neeson is not coming to save us!

-(screaming)
-MAN: Hey! Get back here!
Get back here!

(grunts)

Dude, why did you
lie about dosing?

You faked being high all day.
You violated our Circle
Of Realness, dude.

You were pressuring me.
You know what?
Forget it.

No. When are you gonna stop
caring what other people think
of you man and just be yourself?

-What are you afraid of?
-I'm not afraid.

Yeah, you are. You're afraid to
tell Mikki you wanna hit that.

You were afraid to tell us
that you fucked up BRB.

And you're clearly
afraid to have this
conversation right now.

Fine! You want me to be real?
I'll step in the Circle.

Yes! Step into the fucking
circle, man. Pi "R" squared!

You're the one that
can't handle reality.

You're obsessed
with your ex-wife,

and you lied to us for
months about being homeless.

You're a 35-year-old
man who acts like a child,

-and I'm done babysitting you.
-Oh, that how you see it?

It's how everyone sees it!
Everyone except for you!

And if being "real"
means ending up

alone and angry, then maybe
I don't wanna be real!

Dude, don't fucking
pre-cog me, man!

You don't know what
my future holds!

When we first
met on the boards,

I could not believe
you were I.M.'ing me.

-You were this hacker legend.
-You thought I was a legend?

Yeah. And now?

I know you and you scare me.

That's what's real.
(sighs)

Dude. Come on, man.

You're the best, dude.
Thanks.

I gotta start letting
go of some stuff, man.

You're like a little
Buddha, dude (sniffs)...

-...with great-smelling hair.
-OK, man. It's cool.

-You smell good.
-Thanks.

-I really gotta take a whiz.
-All right.

Nash-tun Kutcher,
what's up, dude?

Mother Nature is talking.

Come listen to what
she has to say.

Yeah. (sighs)

(birds twittering,
bullfrogs croaking)

Can you hear that, Hobbes?
The forest is a symphony.

(sighs)

Whoa. Oh.

(imitating British narrator):
Monarchs travel thousands of
miles each year just to mate.

No single butterfly
survives the round trip.

-That's so sad.
-No, man.

They're adventurers,
just like us.

They cross the Atlantic Ocean,
popping up in places

like Bermuda just because
they like the plants.

-(sighs)
-That's it.

-That's how we fix it.
-Fix what?

BRB. Where's Trey?

I have to tell Trey!

(distant screeching)

Who's there?

Murch, is that you?

I'm lost!

Barrett. You made it.
Where are your boys?

-We got separated.
-I thought you were the leader.

I keep trying to show them the
way, but... They can't keep up.

Maybe you're moving too fast.

I don't understand any of this.
Why'd you bring me here?

I brought you here
to learn to listen.

To the trees. To the dirt.
To your team.

Because somewhere along the
line you started to believe

that a leader moves
through the world alone.

That you, and only
you, know what's best.

But what about
the men who came before?

The men in the photos,
they were all alone.

Really?
Then who took the photos?

-I've always felt alone.
-I know.

That's why we do what
we do, people like us.

We build the future
'cause the present is
too painful to bear.

What if I fail?

What if I can't
build that future?

It will unfold anyway.
It always does.

That's the paradox--
the tighter that you hold on,

the more slips
through your fingers.
You have to surrender control.

I don't know anything anymore.

NASH:
Trey!

-(laughs)
-We've been looking for you!

(sighs) I missed you guys.

-We missed you, too. (laughs)
-Mitchy here traced
your footsteps

-like a mini Bear Grylls.
-Hobbes foraged some mushrooms.
We saved you some.

Yeah. Didn't get to pee
in anyone's mouth, though.

What's up with that desk?

I'm not sure.

Um, do we have any idea how
to get out of these woods?

We're very close.

Thank God.

Lead the way.

Well, according
to my calculations,

our destination
should be right here.

-(laughing)
-Hey!

Dude, pretend it's
your birthday.

-We'll get free dessert.
-(laughs)

-(sighs)
-Wow.

Hey, you must be George's boys.
I've been expecting you.

Yo, the Murch just Keyser
Soze'd the shit out of us.

(laughs)

-Whoa.
-Yes.

(laughs)

Bacon Ranch Quesadillas--

they're George's favorite.
Enjoy.

(moans) This is... this is

-literally the tastiest thing
I've ever eaten.
-(laughs)

Hey. I had a vision
in the woods.

I told Mitch
and Hobbes about it.

We were kicking around
ideas for BRB 2.0.

Oh. Really?

You remember what I
asked you in the truck?

-About why we were friends.
-Yeah. Sure.

Well, it made me sad at first,

but later we were looking
at these butterflies

and Hobbes told me how
they flock to meet here.

Like you and I
flocked to Stanford.

I realized that it
wasn't random--

the conditions were right
for us to become friends.

-Starting with the location.
-HOBBES: Yeah.

So we figured, work backwards.
Pick a location, and
then bring users there.

Sounds like you're talking
about some pretty major changes.

(sighs)

Which is exactly what we need.

We need to shake things up.
I've just been too
stubborn to admit it.

Um, who's got the marker?

Well, we should jam on this
while it's still fresh, right?

-You had it last, duder.
-Oh.

(laughing)

* And I've been travelin'

* I've been lost

* I've fucked around

* And like a heavy

* Mind unraveling

* Through open fields

* And prairie towns
I got sick *

* And I got sicker

* And I spent a month in bed

* Until the visions

* Came to me quicker

* I saw ghosts
and I saw red *

Watch all episodes
of Alpha House,

-starring John Goodman.
-Oh, that'd be great.

Exclusively on Amazon Prime
Instant Video.

Amazing.