Betas (2013–2014): Season 1, Episode 11 - This Is It - full transcript

You lied to me.

And good morning
to you, too.

I got you the Eggs Benedict.
I hope that's okay.

You knew Casper would
be at that party.

You engineered
this whole thing.

Of course I did.
It's my job to know things.

And for the record, I didn't
lie, I enabled serendipity.

Stop saying that.
"This is about

finding the right match
for you, not ZipText."

Your words.

And Zack Casper
is that match.



He asked me to arrange a meet so
he could suss you out in person.

-He's very particular.
-Then why keep it from me?

Because he wanted it that way.

And because I work
on commission.

Well, this is my life,
my business,

and I don't like
being manipulated.

Let me help you.

$15 million.

One five. That's his offer.
He called me this morning.

But we were only looking
to raise three.

You're welcome.
Hm?

See, and there I thought I was,
uh, doing you a fucking favor.

Casper doesn't want
to invest, does he?

He wants to acquire us.



Bong bong bong!

* I'm a broken man,
I'm damaged goods *

* Lock me in the basement
with furnace soot *

MITCHELL: So, how did you get
a show at Cavanaugh's?

His assistant Madison is a
huge fan of the Dane's "work."

Oh, yeah? Did you tap that?

No. Jesus, man. Manners.
Come on.

I showed her my portfolio,

and she showed a genuine
passion for my art.

-Hm.
-Uh-uh.

Yeah. I fucked her a little.

Is that what you call this?
Art?

MITCHELL: It's a subjective
medium; be nice.

He's right. This is shit.
I'm a fraud.

Maybe I should just take
a Mapplethorpe pass

before the show and Photoshop
in a big Daney dong.

Dashawn Combs!
Back from the salt mines!

Got some muffins. You wanna put
another brick in the wall there?

-No, thanks.
-Since when do you

-turn down a baked good?
-I don't know, Mitch.

I guess you could say
I just don't trust

Mrs. Walls' taste anymore.

It's Miss Walls, and I don't
think I like your tone, big boy.

I don't like your face,
"Garbage Pail Adult."

Yo, I've had to
like start labeling

my leftovers
'cause of this guy.

-TREY: Hey.
-Hey-yo!

-What's up, boss?
-What up?

You, uh, comin' to
Dane's art shi-dazzle? Huh?

Uh, yeah. Sure.
Nash, you got a second?

$15 million?

(laughs) We have to
tell them, Trey.

Not until we know
what we're getting into.

Look, first Victoria says
Casper wants to invest,

now it's an acquisition, and
she never mentioned anything

about Konvene working on
something similar to BRB.

Jordan's source was
pretty airtight.

Oh, Jordan can't be trusted.
You know that.

No, I don't know that.

Look, Casper's
in town and he wants

to sit down with us,
tomorrow.

So, let's just see
what he has to say

-and if it sounds legit...
-Then we'll tell them.

-Yes.
-(chuckles)

(toilet flushing)

HOBBES:
Hey, butt flaps.

-What the hell was that?
-Oh, you didn't see,

but I saw you going spin cycle
on Miss Walls' va-jay.

Yeah, I don't know what
the fuck you think you saw,

but that entire incident
was maintenance related.

Oh, yeah? I own you,
ass wipe.

You can start by
cleaning my room,

alphabetizing my DVD's
from "Airheads" to "Zardoz."

And do me a favor

and get your disgusting
neck hair out of our sink.

Yeah, that's not neck hair.

And before you get cocky--

you know those nude selfies
you hide on your G drive?

I got back-ups.

Bet your co-worker Tina
would love a glimpse.

She don't need to see that.

Thanks.
Best tri-tip in the world.

I eat here every time
I'm in the city.

My assistant says I'm OCD.

(laughs) It's delicious.

I'm so glad
you guys could meet.

I want you to know
this deal is a top priority.

You know, when Victoria
told us you were

interested in BRB it came
as a bit of a shock.

She led me to believe
our run-in was an accident.

I apologize for the theatrics.
It wasn't posturing.

I just wanted to
meet you man to man,

away from boardrooms
and lawyers.

I don't invest in
a lot of people.

I don't like many people,
so a deal like this--

it's like welcoming
a member into my family.

Well, I mean we're flattered.

And we're very interested.

We just need to make sure that
BRB's interests are protected.

Of course. I'd feel the same
if I was in your position.

What can I do to put
your minds at ease?

Our team.
We need them with us.

Your team, your app,
your vision.
You built BRB without me.

The last thing I want to do is
meddle with that chemistry.

Not to mention,
your code is brilliant.

I couldn't have done
it better myself.

Your biography said that you
don't give compliments.

Unauthorized biography.

But it's true, I don't
give them easily.

The truth is, we've
been working on

something very similar to BRB.

Then why pay for
something you already have?

My in-house division doesn't
share your philosophy.

They think I'm foolish
to develop a feature

that might draw people
away from their screens,

and from Konvene.

I wanna work with people
who share my vision.

People like you.

Social's reached
a critical mass.

If we don't disrupt it now,
we're gonna lose everything.

(slurps)

So I'm lacing up
my boots on the stairs,

and I suddenly start
to hear these noises.

Like banging and whimpering.

These noises sound
a little bit like a possum

that might be underneath the
house; it's happened before.

We had Mitch go under there,
crawling on his hands and knees

with a flashlight, found a whole
litter of pups just going...

(squealing)

GAMER:
Dude, those things are nasty.

So I creep down there
ever so slightly,

hearing this
whimpering get louder.

I'm thinking, "Hey, hold up.

We got some real life B and E
action going on here."

I'm talkin' a prowler
who's got Trev's mom

and he's gonna
take her by force.

GAMER:
Fuck did you do?

So I find Trev's old
jai alai stick.

I got one hand on the
doorknob, stick cocked back,

and I'm ready to crush
this dude's melon.

So I open the door... boom!

Mitch's homeless
weirdo, creepo friend

is just drilling Trev's
mom on the dryer.

-I mean balls deep.
-Really?

And Trev's mom
actually wants it.

I was like, aroused and
repulsed at the same time.

I gotta give it up to, uh,
Trev's mom, though.

-She's got a sweet set of cans.
-That's cra--

Trev, I meant it
as a compliment.

Casper said we'd maintain
control of BRB,

but it just
doesn't feel right.

It's too much money,
too soon,

and since when does Konvene
partner up with anybody?

True, it's not really Casper's
style to share the sandbox.

I need you to do
a little digging.

Find out if he's made any
acquisitions like this before.

Does this mean
we're an item?

A little "Lois and
Clark" action?

(laughs, sighs)

Yeah, uh, I, uh, can
do some digging.

But I gotta warn
you as a frenemy--

these are the rabbit holes

that people usually wish
they hadn't gone down.

Thanks, Jordan.
I owe you more than one.

Yeah, seven.
I'm keeping track.

(laughs) Fantastic.

(indistinct conversations)

What's up?

-Goose! Oh!
-Oh, my God.

So?

What do you babies think
about magnum opus, huh?

-Pretty tight.
-You're the worst.

And now you guys are
so frickin' rich

I'm gonna put you
down for two a piece.

-(laughs)
-Yeah. Splenda.

(sighs) Shit.
Oh, I mean, not again.

Mr. Sexy Sax is totally moving
in on my new nut warmer!

Excuse me.

This is terrible, right?
It's not just me.

Yeah.

So, what's it like,
working for Casper?

For the first few months
after he acquired us, uh,

I just sat in my office
on Konvene's campus,

and tried to figure out what
the hell to do with myself.

Casper had reassigned
most of our work

to an in-house
development team.

And, um, I developed a
pretty serious addiction

to "Oprah" and cocaine.

A couple months after
that, Casper shuttered

the division--
let his entire team go.

Well, why?

Well, apparently our product
didn't test well

-with Konvene's users.
-Are there others like you?

Sure. I mean, look, no one
wants to talk about it,

but Casper acquires dozens
of companies every year.

Those whose products test
well, well, he swallows up--

he adopts their tech,
he takes all the credit.

But the rest... (splutters)
he eliminates.

Fuck.

I mean, really, what
you're looking at

is the culmination
of my life's work.

I mean, it's my
nuts, it's my guts,

hung up on the wall
for you to see.

And this hairy hunk
of handsome...

is my masterpiece.

Without him, I'd be nothing.
Nothing.

(sighs, laughs)

Photography, oil on
canvas, reality TV--

it's not about the medium.

Great subjects make great art.

Did I mention
I'm a millionaire?

There's something I
wanted to ask you.

Hey, if you're
worried about joining

a new tax bracket,
don't sweat it.

-I got a guy...
-Stop. For reals, for real.

Look, you know
I like you a ton.

And I think
maybe you like me, too.

-You know I do.
-Right.

So, here's the thing--

I don't wanna be
your little buddy.

You know,
just cracking jokes

and talking on
the phone with you

after you get home from a
shitty date with some dude.

-Oh, come on.
-No, stop. Let me finish.

(sighs) I want more.

More than just a toaster
strudel the morning after.

I wanna watch awesome
shitty movies with you

like "Birdemic"
and "They Live."

And I wanna take you to
my favorite ramen spot--

which is Izakaya Sozai,
by the way.

-Izakaya Sozai.
-Sozai.

-Yeah. (laughs)
-Sorry.

And I need you to teach
me the 'nade spots

on the new "Call of Duty"
maps because the truth is,

I have no frackin'
clue where they are.

And I just wanted you
to think I was cool.

-(laughs)
-(sultry solo plays)

(laughs)

Uh...

Oh. (laughs)

-Well, that was very cool.
-(sighs)

-(laughs)
-Here's the thing.

No, I like you a lot.

Which is why I don't
wanna ruin what we have,

by getting into each
other's shit, you know?

It's just...
You deserve...

-What? What?
-The... world!

You deserve all of it, okay?
The whole girlfriend enchilada.

But I'm just... I'm not
that girl, you know?

I never have been.

Because your mom says
so, or you say so,

or 'cause you're just too
chicken shit to try?

I will cut your
fucking tongue out!

In the Valley, there are
makers and sellers.

Now I started out as a maker
and I became a seller.

And that's evolution--
the circle of life.

How can you say that?

Casper killed your company.
It's your life's work.

Yeah, but after making
me a very rich man.

I mean, I have a house
on Nob Hill.

I... I married a chick
who wouldn't even

return my phone calls
before the deal.

How come no one's
reported on this?

Because Casper's worth more than
God, with the wrath to match.

Yeah, well, that,
and he makes everyone

who steps foot in his building
sign a massive non-disclosure.

I mean, it's... it's like
30 pages, at least.

I only talked to Jordan
because I owe her a favor.

Besides, I mean, this
is ancient history.

Nobody even remembers
my company existed.

You're like the herp, Bren.
You never really go away,

you just flare up at
the worst possible moment.

Got tired of waiting
for you to play a word.

I had to come see what
you're so busy with.

Oh, yeah? Here's
a word: deleted.

As in: Words With
Friends from my phone.

-As in you, from my life.
-Yeah, right.

Congrats on your new modeling
career, by the way.

I didn't know hobo was
trending this season. Nice hips.

Yeah, why don't you go
back home to Jon Carlo?

-I hear his hair needs watering.
-C'mon, baby.

-You know you still want this.
-No! No more.

I'm a new man.

I set my past on fire.

I saw truth in the forest,

and I found somebody
who cares about me,

somebody who
bakes me muffins.
Not like you.

That's it, now tell me what
a dirty little whore I am.

No. You need help, Bren.

That thing we had was toxic.

I'm not crawling back
into the muck with you.

Hey, man.

You don't get
to fuck my mom, man!

(grunts) Fuck. Ah!

Get the fuck off of me!
Stop!

(playing dissonant solo)

(frantic clamoring)

Do something! Get him!

Dude. Dude, dude.
No, no, no, no.

You're not my fucking dad!
All right? His name's Gary.

He drives a truck and he's
gonna kick your ass

when he gets back
from Coeur d'Alene!

I know it! I know he will!

(sighing)

Looks like we're both still
in the muck, Randall.

Randall?

I'm sorry, Mitch.

Stop, man.
Just don't.

The thing with Joanne
is not a mistake, man.

That wasn't me fucking up.

No, I know. It was
Hobbes being Hobbes.

You've always looked
out for number one,

and I shouldn't have
expected anything different.

I'm not saying
that what happened

to Lance Roe will happen to us.
But if we take this deal,

there's the very
real possibility

that BRB won't
exist in six months.

Yeah. But then we get to
keep all the money, right?

I mean, I hate
to be that guy,

but $15 million is
a lot of cheddar, bro.

Yeah, what exactly
are you saying?

I'm saying I don't
like being lied to.

Maybe we can find
another investor,

raise a round,
like we planned.

What you don't like is the idea
of someone else being your boss.

-This is about your ego.
-That's ridiculous.

With Casper's resources, we can
put BRB on the map overnight.

Which deal
are you referring to?

The deal Casper told us about
or the one he gave Roe?

Guys, we built BRB together.

All of us.
It's ours.

Every week it gets better.

Every day, we take
another step closer

to the thing
we set out to do.

I know this is a big decision,
and I know it's a lot of money.

But what we have,
what we're doing here,

is worth so much more
than that.

We can change the world.

I know it.
You guys know it.

In two years, we could have
a hundred million users.

Or we could have nothing.

If you really believe that,
then why'd you come this far?

Because I listened to you.

We should vote.

All of us.

BRB belongs to you, too.

I'm sorry, Trey.
I vote to sell.

Yeah. I can't really keep
rolling the dice like this, man.

-I'm sorry, gotta sell.
-I told you from the beginning--

A girl's gotta eat. Sell.

Maybe working for
Casper will blow.

Maybe it'll be awesome.
I don't know.

But look at us, man-- we're
kinda the opposite of awesome.

I don't know if we're
gonna make it two weeks,

much less two years.

I'm really sorry, dude.

Okay. I'll set it up.

*

I just came by
to get my things.

You're not armed, are you?

Don't be such a pussy, Barrett.

Congrats on the offer.

Sorry I couldn't make
it happen for you.

Thanks.
Me, too.

Dump that cheap swill
and grab a glass.

Michter's Ten Year.

-A gift from Artimus Pyle.
-Artimus, who?

Used to be the drummer
for Lynyrd Skynyrd.

-You do know Skynyrd?
-Sure.

-"Freebird!"
-(scoffs)

Why don't you tell me why
you're haunting these halls

when you should be out popping
Cristal and making it rain?

Guys, to selling out.

(laughs)

We're doing the right
thing, aren't we?

Yeah, of course.
Why do you ask?

Trey seemed really upset.

Oh, he'll come around.

Look, changing the world is a
helluva lot easier when you have

money in your pocket and a
billion customers a click away.

I think this is a once-in-
a-lifetime opportunity.

And somewhere, deep
down, he knows that.

I guess I thought making it
would feel better than this.

Hey. You want
some competish?

Uh, if you feel like losing.

I'm basically unstoppable
with Sauron.

I figured. A screen name
like "Da Mitch Sitch"

just screams badass.

How did you know
my screen name?

You're on BRB. My friends
are like, obsessed with it.

(laughs) We were looking for
a beer bar and it led us here.

It seems chill.

So, what's your favorite
"Battlestar" episode?

Well, "33" is pretty
hard to argue against.

You know, it kinda
just sets the whole series

in motion, and it's
just like, "What?"

And then, uh, you know,
when they reveal

the four Cylon identities at the
end of "Crossroads Part Two."

-Chills, right?!
-Mm-hmm.

Such a sick ep.

-Right up there with "Pegasus."
-Ooh, an Admiral Cain girl.

(laughs) Hey, we
should bump phones.

Don't we get extra points or
something if we meet in person?

Yeah. That was my idea.
It, uh, it helps the algorithm,

knowing which matches
actually work in the wild.

I'm a developer.

-At BRB.
-Seriously?

That is so frackin' cool.

(laughs) You have to
meet my friends.

Okay.

-No, no.
-Oh.

Yeah.

It's just, why do I
feel like I lost?

'Cause you and Nash built this
thing with your bare hands.

What a feeling--
to imagine something

that never existed before
and will it into being.

Hard to sell that,
at any cost.

(sighs)

You warned me about Victoria,
and I should've listened.

Hey... you did what
you had to do.

(sighs) Artimus Pyle.

What a story.

How so?

Back in '77, Skynyrd's plane
went down in Mississippi.

They'd just launched their
most successful tour yet.

Pyle survived the crash that
claimed three of his bandmates.

With a chestful of broken ribs,

he crawls from
the smoking wreckage,

he stumbles through
the swamp, seeking help.

His cries are answered
by a local farmer,

who shoots him in the
shoulder for his trouble.

Artimus Pyle refused to
go down with the ship,

but when he woke up in the
hospital, broken and bandaged,

he didn't have a band
to play with anymore.

Keeping BRB doesn't
mean anything

if I lose my friends
in the process.

Sounds like you
made your choice.

Congratulations, millionaire.

By signing this
Letter of Intent,

you hereby entitle Konvene Inc.,

heretofore known
as "The Company,"

to commence the
acquisition process.

You guys try the pesto?
Best in the country.

Yeah. It's dope.
Thanks.

It's a family owned
spot over on Emerson.

You guys can have it
every day if you want.

-Go ahead, try it.
-I'm good.

I sold my first company
when I was 16.

To Yahoo, I know.

Not exactly the same
thing though, is it?

You sure?

They make it with walnuts
instead of pine nuts-- killer.

I mean, you sold
and walked away.

We're building BRB's
future together.

-Like you said.
-Of course.

The point is, it takes guts

and presence of mind
to know when to sell.

There's no shame in it.
Not when the time is right.

Is this the same speech
you gave Lance Roe?

About makers and sellers?

That's good.
You should do your research.

I did my research, too.

Trey Barrett, college
dropout, would-be maverick--

I'm guessing you keep the
Jobs bio under your pillow.

Or maybe you sleep
on a bare mattress--

better to stay hungry,
focus your energy

on making a dent
in the universe.

Am I right?

He's your lone holdout.

(laughs) Excuse me.

I know it's not
Randall Hobbes.

You worked at Prodigy until
they realized you weren't one.

Fired from WebVan in '03.
AskJeeves asked you to leave.

One failed venture
after another.

There's not gonna
be any more

million-dollar cash-outs
in your future.

Yeah, I quit WebVan.
So...

Mitch, you skipped college,

but you're still living
the freshman dorm experience.

I bet you thought your team here
was gonna be best buds forevs,

but after six months the cracks
are showing, am I right?

Mikki Yamoto. You spent
the last three years

working odd jobs for equity and
promises of paychecks to come.

You're too smart to not see
this as a win-win scenario.

(sighs)

BRB's a fun app. A smart one.
That's why I want it.

But it's not
a billion-dollar idea.

Not yet.

I'm offering you a
chance to make it one.

Together.

And what the fuck do you know
about together, exactly?

You don't collaborate,
you assimilate.

You've never had a co-founder,
never had a team.

$15 million. I just
wanted to say that out loud,

in case everyone here
has forgot or something.

-I remember.
-Okay.

A team?

I have 4,000 employees
and a billion users.

You have a hot chick,
a has-been,

a hanger-on, and
one good coder.

As for your visionary,
he's a dime a dozen.

But I'm guessing you've
always kinda known that.

And to think I used
to wanna be you.

(laughs)

Look at you, sitting
there in your big chair.

You're all alone.

And you're weak-- it's why
you're afraid of us.

Afraid of you?
I could bury you.

-$50 million.
-Excuse me?

The price went up.
50, five "O", million dollars.

I know I said sell before,
but this guy's a prick-hole and

your speech about togetherness
made me misty-eyed, so...

Okay. Let's, uh, just
take a five-minute break.

Naw, he's right. Konvene has
sucked for a while now,

and we made something awesome--
something people actually want.

60 million.

You guys gonna stand?
Nobody's standing? Okay...

Who the fuck do you think
you're talking to?

A dinosaur. Yeah.

You may be big
but you move slow.

And you got a brain like
a walnut. 100 mil.

Avinash, let's be honest--

your algorithm is the only
reason we're sitting here.

The only reason BRB
is worth anything.

Are you really gonna let these
parasites drag you down?

Hey, what would Mahesh say?

I doubt he worked
his whole life

so you could pass out
the keys to room 203.

200 million... asshole!

-(scoffs)
-(laughter)

I was gonna dismantle
BRB anyway.

Now I don't have to spend
$15 million to do it.

I've seen some epic
stupidity in my life.

But that... (sighs)
that was next level.

Guys, what the fuck
did we just do?

Besides kiss off 15 million?

And piss off the King
of Social Media?

I feel nauseous.

We just bought back
our future.

How do you figure that?

Casper just admitted
we're a threat.

When word gets out we
turned down his offer,

people are gonna be very
interested in BRB.

Unless he destroys us first.

Well, we're not gonna
let that happen.

-No, we're not.
-No.

-No, we won't.
-Yeah, pssssh!

* Skills, I got skills

* I got skills

* To make it through
your doorway *

* Skills, I got skills

* I got skills

* To make it through
your doorway *

* Look at me

* Look at me and tell me if
you've ever seen me before *

* You know,
most of the time, I'm... *

* Just too caught up
with myself *

* And what I'm doing
in my mind *

* Hey, hey!

MAN: Watch all episodes
of Alpha House,
starring John Goodman.

-Oh, that'd be great.
-Exclusively on
Amazon Prime Instant Video

Amazing.