Bergerac (1981–1991): Season 8, Episode 10 - Diplomatic Incident - full transcript

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- About time, Crozier.
- I got here as soon as I could, sir.

Sorry, gentlemen.
Duty calls. I'll settle up later.

I'm committed, Superintendent.

Which means you're committed.

And Sergeant Bergerac.

- Bergerac?
- I had to name names.

- A compliment, Superintendent.
- Yes, sir.

Nothing wrong, I trust?

No, sir, nothing,

- except Bergerac's in France.
- Then get him back.

Monsieur Bergerac! Telephone!



Jim?

Come on, come on!

- Barney.
- I want you back here.

It's a terrible line, Barney.

Will you shut up and listen?

Look, I cannot go into details now.

Could you try shouting a bit?

What?

Jim! Jim!

Can you hear me, Jim?

Yes, I can, Superintendent.
I'm a free man, thank you very much.

Not till the end of the month
you're not.

Yes, I am. I'm on
leave, my last leave.

Cancelled.



- Barney, you wouldn't.
- I would.

- Trouble?
- No.

Just this man chasing me.

What?

An American, following me here
with his brochures

and his Californian high-tech.

Yeah?

He wants to show me
his new wonderful harvester.

Why? What did you think?

I think, well, at least
you'll have something to do.

It looks as if
I will be working, you know?

- But, darling, it's all right.
- No, it's not all right.

Per Wemstrom.

Swedish, early fifties, a hard nut.

Maverick philosopher and political
economist who can't stand losing.

But this Thursday,
he's in a different game,

a meeting in Stockholm between finance
ministers from both east and west.

Top of the agenda,

how to get the Soviets
out of their present economic mess.

So how does this Wemstrom fit in?

He's one of the special advisors.

In fact, they'll all be looking
to him for the right answers.

Why?

Because he's got more experience
and more up here than any of them.

And because he's strictly impartial.
No axe to grind.

Trusted equally by neither side.

So what's the problem?

Watch.

Some people would rather
Per didn't go to Stockholm.

Which people?

People who foresee the Soviets becoming
a threat to their commercial interests,

taking over their markets.

People who want the Stockholm
talks to fail.

Where is Wemstrom now?

Flying in from Washington. He'll be
landing at Heathrow in 20 minutes.

Then he'll be in the hands of
Special Branch somewhere in London.

Till Thursday.

- So the media have been led to believe.
- He's coming here, isn't he?

Yep, right into our laps. And until
he flies out again to Stockholm,

he is our responsibility.

Wemstrom should get here
early tomorrow morning.

How are you lot going
to keep him alive?

I knew I should have stayed in France.

- Charlie?
- Will this take long?

- No, no.
- Good, good.

Hold that, will you?

This bloke, he's travelling incognito.

On the run, is he? From his missus?

I need your help, Charlie.

I look forward to the day
you turn up here offering me help.

What do you know
about the Swedish aristocracy?

- Nothing. Why?
- There's no reason. This bloke...

- What, the incognito?
- Yeah. He's a very private man.

Good, good.

And he's arriving here tomorrow
morning under the name of Werring.

- Peter Werring.
- Aye?

And he doesn't like hotels very much.

No, Jim, no. No, I couldn't, really.

It's just for a few days, Charlie.

I mean, there's only me and Carlos
here and I've got nothing laid on.

I knew I could depend on you.

No, but Jim... Jim!

Jim?

No, no sign of him.

No, nobody yet.

It's on the ground.

The aeroplane's landed.

This is costing me an arm and a leg,

I'm not waiting much longer
keeping this lot hanging around.

No sign yet. Okay.

Blondie. Block him. Go.

He's six foot, about 170 pounds,
fair hair and balding.

Where is he now?

Right behind you. And I'm behind him,
keeping pace.

Thanks, Ben.

Okay, Colin, not too close.

We've got a tail and we don't
want to lose him, do we?

- Pain in the bum.
- What?

That's what Barney was calling him,
"pain in the bum".

Willy, he is a very,
very important man.

He's even more important
than our superintendent,

so we're gonna have to put up
with him. There he is. Come on.

Keep walking, please, Mr Werring.

Hey, what are you doing?
Hey, hold on!

- My secretary, Mr Gillis.
- Why wasn't I told?

I don't know what you were told.

I told your people
to mind their own business, not mine.

What the hell are London playing at?

Okay, we've shown him the
scenic route. Let's go. Go, John.

All right!

Lomas to Base. The suspect's gone.

If you take one off,
you know you'll get all...

Dowsett.

Sir.

Keep the hat and coat on.
Wear them all the time. Sleep in them!

I want our fair-haired friend
and I want him now.

Take these two with you and if you
spot him or he spots you, call in.

- And Dowsett...
- Sir?

- Don't be a hero.
- I'll try not to be, sir.

I am woken every morning at six o'clock
and I start my day with black coffee.

Well, I expect we can
do something about that.

I hope so, Mr Hungerford.

I work for four hours, then I
take a brisk walk for 40 minutes.

- Walk?
- Every morning, without fail.

I don't know about that.
I mean, Jim... Sergeant Bergerac...

Mr Hungerford, I run my life
according to my rules.

- Is he always like that?
- Yes.

I don't know how you stand it.

I'm used to it.
And he is a remarkable man.

I wouldn't have your job
for all the tea in China.

- It has its compensations.
- It'd need to.

One is always at, or very near,
the centre of things.

Centre of things?

What, him? You mean he's...

Yes. It is remarkable
seeing how he functions.

Among the international heavyweights.

Where the real power is.

Nobody ever tells me anything.

Gets here hours late,
brings this Gillis bloke with him.

Why doesn't anybody
have the courtesy to tell us?

Everything okay?

- It's simple.
- Is it?

In international politics,

there is the conspiracy theory
and there is the cock-up theory.

And today is a cock-up.

Well?

I've been five and a half times round
Saint Helier. Not a glimmer.

What the hell are you sitting
there for, then? Take it back.

Will he be there or won't he?

I'm calling them every hour,
on the hour.

Well, who is the deputy?

I... I don't know.

Then find out.

How do you expect me to walk into a room
and face people I know nothing about?

Use your intelligence, man.

Joanie, I don't believe
you've met Mr Werring, have you?

This is an old friend of mine,
Joan Bear.

Excuse me.

Boy, am I glad to see you.

- Who are all these people?
- Hey?

I thought I told you
this man was very private.

He needs peace and quiet
and, above all, rest.

If you don't mind,
these people happen to be

some of my oldest and closest friends.

I've been all over the house, again.

- What?
- Top to bottom, it's okay.

I should damn well think it is okay.

Okay, thank you, Willy.

- Well?
- Don't you "well" me.

I want to have a word with you.

Listen. I've put up with him all day,

telling me what he will have
and what he won't have

as if this is some blasted hotel
and I'm the headwaiter.

All right, I'll have a word with him.

Yeah, next thing,
he'll be wanting his own telephone,

so as he can ring Stockholm and
Washington and God knows where else.

Ever since that bloke passed
my threshold this morning,

I haven't had one word cranked
out of him, not one.

I see. My feelings don't matter.

Down! Everyone down!

Ambulance, Willy, quick!

Get down!

Keep your head down!

Back inside, go on!

All right, nurse.
We'll call you when we need you.

What a mess.

He took it in the shoulder. Lost a lot
of blood. There's no bones broken.

What the hell am I going to
tell the chief?

Well, tell him the truth.

That your decoy exercise was a waste
of bureau time, effort and money?

- My exercise?
- Yes.

This morning, it was our exercise.

Just one thing. How long do I have
to go round wearing this?

We take whatever measures are
necessary. That is a necessary measure.

What time do you get off work?

Anything even faintly dodgy
and I want to know about it. Okay?

Yeah, sure.

Course, it's not really Barney's
fault. The chief says jump, he jumps.

- And Barney tells you to jump.
- I've got no choice, have I?

But it's no fun for you, is it?

Fun?

You don't understand, do you?

What do you mean, understand?

Fun is being with you, whenever,
wherever, however.

Being left behind without you
is not fun, not fun at all.

Don't take any notice of me.
Just feeling sorry for myself, yeah?

- You see, in my job...
- Your old job.

Yeah, all right. My old job, yeah.

You've got to be fit all the time.

- I can't let up, okay?
- You look all right to me.

No, I let myself go.
A few days away from it, and look.

Now I've got to work six times as hard
just to get back to where I was.

So... So I am feeling narked
with everyone.

But most of all with myself.

Hey! What the hell are you doing here?

I thought I told you
to stay at the house.

- I can't.
- What?

- I have to see Per... Mr Wemstrom.
- Mr Werring is not seeing anyone!

You don't understand, Sergeant.
He can't do anything for himself.

I deal with all of his letters, his
money, his overseas telephone calls,

his travel arrangements,
diary appointments!

You've got a straight choice.

You can come back with me,
no messing, to Mr Hungerford's,

or you can cool off in the cells.

Can I have two coffees
on the terrace, please?

- Yes, sir.
- Thank you.

- A cop?
- Yes.

Well.

Monsieur Colley, the Channel Tunnel...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Listen. When it's in place,

there'll be a huge upsurge in the UK
continental traffic, of all kinds.

You know, as a French wine-grower, I
just don't think you're ready for it.

I just don't mean you.

Too many estates are still
using the old-fashioned equipment.

You're still living
in the 19th century.

- Is that what you told my father?
- Sure.

And he didn't explode? Boom?

Well, he didn't like it,

but that doesn't make it
any the less true.

Look.

There's been more scientific progress
made in the wine business

over the last 20 years
than in the previous 2,000.

You people have got to open your eyes.

Monsieur Colley,
we are not asleep in France.

And I, personally,
am not against progress.

Great.

And your father told me that as
a director, you'd have to be consulted

- about my proposals.
- Well, you're consulting me.

I'd still like to meet him.

My father?

Your cop.

Why?

To see what he's got that I haven't.
Maybe I could learn something.

What does he find to do here, anyway?

He's on an important assignment now.

Really? What would that be?

Why don't you ask him?

I might at that.

Sergeant, I... I know I don't
always make a good impression.

You have wasted my time, Mr Gillis.
I do not have time to waste.

- I'm sorry.
- I just don't want to see a doctor

picking bullets out of you
as well, okay?

And I'm grateful.

All right, well,

I don't suppose your job
is the easiest in the world, is it?

- You mean Mr Werring?
- Yeah.

Is there a right way
to handle that man?

When he's in a good mood,
any way is the right way.

When he's not,
every way is the wrong way.

You see, what you have to understand,
what I've learned,

is that he needs constant attention.

- You don't like him, do you?
- I work for him, Sergeant.

I admire and respect him.

Liking or not liking is irrelevant.

Maybe.

You just go back in there.

Don't come out till I say so. Okay?

As a special favour to you, Jim,
I give this...

this Whearing, who's no more
a Swedish aristocrat than I am,

I give him and his squitty little chum
the full five-star treatment.

And what happens?
Fool hasn't been here for two minutes,

the whole place is turned
into a shooting gallery!

Fair's fair, Charlie. I did warn you.

"An element of risk," you said.

I didn't hear anything
about armed assassins

roaming about in my rhododendrons. And
do you know what that vase cost me?

No, of course you don't.
Well, as it so happens,

I was particularly fond of that vase.

Jim? Jim!

Jim!

You've let him take the car,
you stupid...!

No. How'd you manage that, then?

Hang on, hang on.

Got a message from Ballistics.
The gun used at Charlie Hungerford's

was a .9mm Browning
semi-automatic pistol.

All right. Thanks, Wendy.

So, you left the keys in the ignition,
then, did you? Dear.

Of course I'm taking it
seriously, Jim. Very seriously.

How about inviting me home to dinner
to that cottage of yours?

It isn't my cottage. It's Jim's.

No?

But you must get back.

Well, I got a couple of things
I gotta do first.

But we've got a lot to talk about,
haven't we?

- Have we?
- Yes.

Listen, I could tell my boss he needn't
expect to see me till next Thursday.

And you could tell me all about what
goes on in Jim's funny little island.

You know what this is called,
Jim, don't you?

It's called rubbing
salt into the wound.

I let myself in for these
damn fool escapades of yours

and what always happens?
It always ends up costing me money.

- I tell you, as a friend, you are...
- Stop the car.

- ...an expensive liability. What?
- Stop! Stop the car!

Well, all right,
if you feel that badly.

Come on, stop it!

Unit 5 to Control.

The sergeant's vehicle has been found
by some kids on some waste ground.

Oi! Get out of there!

Morning, sir.

I thought I'd look
in, see how you are.

You are a doctor as
well as a policeman?

No.

Then I suggest you confine yourself
to official business.

My business, sir,

is to take any action
I think necessary.

You're not going to make
a boring speech, are you?

Do you know a man in his
late thirties, tough, fair-haired,

balding, about 170 pounds?

I probably know hundreds.

Well, just one'll do.
Someone who knows you, you know him.

I need more information than that.

Well, when I can get it,
I'll give it to you,

but in the meantime, I would appreciate
it, you know, if you thought about it.

My business, sir, is to get you
back to Stockholm in one piece.

Remember I came to your island
under protest.

I was dragged out of retirement
back to this island

to look after you under protest.

- Retirement? At your age?
- Yeah.

A life of ease, no worries,
no responsibilities?

Yes, sir.

No. You are not the type,
any more than I am.

"What is man if the chief
good and market of his time

"be but to sleep and feed?

"A beast, no more."

I'm sorry?

I mean, Sergeant, that you and I
are both driven men,

not happy unless we are sweating,

pushing the stone up the hill.

You're wrong. I'd rather sit at the
bottom and watch it roll down.

I don't believe you.

Anyhow, my being in Jersey is someone
else's brilliant idea, not mine.

- You see the result?
- Yeah, I do, and I'm sorry.

Now, don't waste any more of my time
or yours, Sergeant.

Okay.

I must have my secretary Gillis
with me.

And a telephone.

Mr Werring, somewhere in this
not-very-big island, there is a killer.

There is a slim possibility
he doesn't know where you are

and I do not want
to risk alerting him.

Do you, Sergeant Bergerac,
wish to see your name live forever

as one of history's footnotes?

What?

If you persist in this attitude,

you'll be known as
that officious policeman

who did his best
to sabotage international peace.

- Is that what you want?
- No.

Nor do I want to be known as the idiot
who gave an assassin a second chance.

I don't think he has
followed me all this way

just to sell me a harvesting machine.

No, I don't, either.
But if he's bothering you...

No.

A few weeks ago,
I might have shut the door in his face

and stayed in my room, but not now.

That's good, isn't it?

Actually,

I think he's more interested
in you than me.

I mean, what you're doing here,
as a policeman.

Look, I'll get back to you, okay?

An American called Martin Colley arrived
in Jersey same time as Mr Werring.

- Yeah?
- Yes.

And it just so happens
he's due to leave at the same time.

Very convenient. Anything known?

That's what I want you to find out.
Look around,

see what you can dig up, okay?

Charlie, it's Jim.

I'm not sure I ever want to speak
to you again, Jim. Thank you.

Now, this is by way of being
an olive branch, Charlie.

Aye?

I... We, Danielle and I, we'd like to
invite you to dinner this evening.

Aye, well, I bet I can guess
whose idea that was.

- Yeah, well...
- Well, of course I'll come. What time?

- Good evening, I...
- Mr Colley?

- Yes. You're...
- Jim Bergerac. The cop.

- I nearly missed you.
- Nearly?

- Work?
- Yeah, she is inside.

Well, this looks like
we're Box and Cox?

You came over here yesterday, you're
going back to London on Thursday

and Danielle invited you to dinner.

No. I invited myself.

I see.

Because I like Danielle.

Because she and I have
some unfinished business.

And because I was curious,
about you, Jim.

Not half as curious as I am about you.

Well, at least all our cards
are on the table.

- Hello.
- Hi. I brought you some flowers.

Nice.

Calm down, Jim.

Okay, you've got Werring
or bloody Wemstrom on your back,

I've got the chief on mine.
Do you fancy swapping places?

- All right, then. Gillis, anything?
- No.

But when he does,
I'm gonna ring his bloody neck.

No, you won't. No, you won't.
But we're not playing nursemaid

with every halfwit
who wants to get himself killed.

He'll have to take his chances.

Now then. Blondie.

Jim?

On my way back from
Charlie Hungerford's, I spotted him.

And?

I lost him.

Can't be helped.

Jim, the Americans think the problem
began on their side of the pond.

- Blondie's American?
- Or working for Americans.

And we can't hope to keep Wemstrom's
whereabouts a secret much longer.

If they still are a secret.

- Why don't we move him?
- It's a non-starter.

If we did,
how do you think he'd stand up to it?

- I'm a policeman, not a doctor.
- All right.

Well, how do we keep the killer away
from him without moving him?

No.

- No what?
- No, different question.

How do we move Wemstrom
without moving him?

No,

Jim had the best reason in the world
to quit his job.

So he quit.

He tried to.

I still say Jim's a clever fellow.

Aye, very. I mean,
there's no flies on our Jim?

Dear.
Getting a bit late?

Sure is. Nearly 11:00.

Well, don't forget, before you go,

I wouldn't mind seeing one or other
of your brochures.

- As many as you want.
- You're not both going already?

Absolutely not. Charlie, we can't
leave Danielle here all by herself.

Quite right. No, I mean, it could be
dawn before Jim gets back.

No.

You get off home, Charlie.

- I'll take care of Danielle.
- No, no, no.

- But there's no trouble, really. I...
- No, no, it's all taken care of.

You see, I promised Jim
that if need be, I'd hang on.

I mean, it's no skin off my nose

and I can't leave Dani to do
the washing up on her own, now, can I?

Thank you.

Jim.

A clever fellow.

- All right, mate?
- Yeah.

Whoops-a-daisy!
No, no, no, it's all right.

- I'll get them for you.
- Ta.

Could do with a copy of that.

Ben!

Come on!

Lomas. This is an emergency.
Make for the fourth floor!

Make for the fourth floor!

It's a .9-mil Browning.

Well, who the hell's Blondie, then?

Very amusing. Where's Wemstrom?

Where he's always been. He's
never moved. Right, it's all yours.

I am sorry, sir.

There was a disturbance.

I know. It awoke me.

- What do you expect to find here?
- Nothing, sir.

Then I don't see why...

I'm sorry, sir. We were just checking.
It's my mistake.

Then kindly make
your mistakes elsewhere.

I have work to do.

Have you found my secretary yet?

Not yet, sir.

Hardly surprising.

You probably scared
him out of his wits.

- You can start on these.
- I'm sorry?

This should be 406, that should be 407

and so on all the way down, all right?

Good.

What, all of them?

It'll only take you a couple of hours.
Got a problem?

No.

Well, it's congratulations all round
from the chief for last night.

What's all this?

That's Jean Louis Clandel,
professional assassin.

What else?

He's Belgian. He's wanted
in Europe and in the States.

Has he talked?

Only four-letter words so far.
He's not gonna tell us who paid him.

- Yes?
- I have Pettit on the line

for Sergeant Bergerac.

Yeah?

Yes, Willy.

Are you sure it's Blondie?

It's the Belgian's room.

Now, give us a second.

"Axel Staaf, Swedish State Security."
What the hell?

They've done it again. They
don't trust us to do the job right,

- so they send out a person...
- Get him out of here.

Hold him. Hold him!

It was Gillis, wasn't it?

I don't want a shooting party here,
okay?

Everyone else has been cleared out.
You're going to send these guys in?

This is stupid!
I'm gonna try and talk him out, okay?

Careful.

Gillis!

You've got nowhere to go, Gillis.

I'm unarmed, Gillis.

What did you do it for, Gillis?

Why?

Money.

What, enough to pay Clandel,
the Belgian? And a bit left over?

Every man has his price, Sergeant.

Has he?

Move round.

Move round.

Turn around.

Don't, stay still! Turn round.

I was a bit worried about him
for a while.

Really?

Yeah.

Well, I'm not sorry
to see the back of him.

I don't know.

- What?
- Old Per,

he thinks he and I are two of a kind.

- Does he?
- Yeah.

I see.

Well, you'll soon be off again
yourself, won't you?

Can't wait, Barney. Cannot wait.

I don't know how the bureau's
going to manage without you.

Well, those two are big enough
to run it themselves.

And you're gonna need at least two
sergeants to replace me, aren't you?

Mesdames et messieurs!

Bonjour, everybody! Bonjour!

Bonjour, Charlie.
I'm just making a speech.

Well, don't let me arrêter vous.

You're just in time for lunch, too.

No, no, no.
I wouldn't dream of imposing.

Only, I did hear you two
might be getting married,

so I wanted to add my
congratulations and best wishes.

- Charlie, speech.
- Of course. Carry on, carry on.

Only, I did bring a little present
for you both.

Well, it's my pleasure.

I've worked very hard on this speech.

Anyway, I was fed up with the sight
of that old bone-shaker of yours.

- What?
- It's all right.

Now, listen, Jim.
I've been doing some research.

They know what you mean.

Into the wine trade. I've come up with
this really brilliant idea.

- You don't have to make a speech.
- I don't?

- No.
- All right, I won't say a word.

Now, listen, Jim, you'll love this.

Why don't we all go
into business together?

Jim?

Jim?

Merci, madame.