Bergerac (1981–1991): Season 6, Episode 8 - Retirement Plan - full transcript

Jim is summoned from Jersey to spend Christmas on the Costa Del Sol where a pair of small-time British crooks have tried to muscle in on Charlie's latest business venture. Whern Jim gets involved he finds himself in the middle of a local gang war whilst back on Jersey a group of French thieves are causing havoc and Susan's life is put in danger.

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---
( # BRYAN FERRY: Love Is The Drug)

(CHATTING AND LAUGHING)

We had a good thing going here,
the three of us. And now, who knows?

I hear certain people are taking
a lot of interest in what we do here.

People? What people?

Greedy people, people I know
with an interest in real estate,

high-class pharmaceuticals.

They see what we have here, Gravel,
and they want to take it away from us.

RAOUL: This is not a good time for you
to be leaving us. We need you here!

What good is a friend in times of trouble
if he's 1,000 miles away!

You can take care of yourselves,
Raoul. You always have.



You know the split on this one,
Gravel.

Hell, you'll be doing it every month,
now I'm retired!

- D'you see that, Gravel?
- Oh, yeah. Wonderful.

- Never without it, eh, Harry?
- Never!

- I bet he even takes it to bed with him!
- The "little black book"!

So, I guess this is it.

You're making a big mistake, Harry.

Don't do it. Raoul and me,
we've got your best interests at heart.

You don't have to retire yet.
Give it another year, six months.

No! I have already made my decision.

Gravel...

Raoul.

Great party! As always.

(SQUEALING) Harry!



Harry!

- Harry, te marchas?
- Adios, mi cara!

No te vere jamas?

Los romantos cortos
son los mas dulces.

Hey...! Harry se marcha!

Harry Lubeck...

Still, it was nice knowing him(!)

Very nice!

But when a man makes a decision,
there's no going back.

Now...now, it's just you and me, Raoul.

Mm, straight down the middle.

Still, no-one can say we didn't
do our very best to stop him(!)

WOMAN: Bye!

ALL: Bye, Harry!

(HELICOPTER ENGINE FALTERS)

(EXPLOSION)

(ANOTHER EXPLOSION)

HARRY...!

Two people off the Paris flight...
A man and a woman.

There you are.

- Tell you what, you can take the woman.
- Oh. Your lucky day.

That is a lady with a lot of A-levels.

- What in?
- Larceny.

Si, si, si. Terrible.

Poor old Harry.

Yeah. A nice guy like him(!)

Still...it was a nice party,

It was the best, Gravel.

Look...!

Harry...!

Ha! We was worried about ya.

- We thought the worst.
- I changed my mind.

You know me - "Lucky Lubeck"!

But I'm still retiring.

Uh-huh, terrific!

We'll let him retire.
Let him go to Jersey.

And why there. God knows!

Then we'll kill him.

Excuse me, sir, could I trouble you
for some identification, please?

What for?

- Oh, it's just routine.
- Then "routine" somewhere else.

Oh, I'm so sorry...Officer.

I thought you were just another
airport bureaucrat.

Not at all.

Monsieur...Lorrilard, is it?

- Lorrilard.
- Lorrilard. As I say...routine.

Our way of protecting the public.
Have a nice day.

If you think this is a way to encourage
tourists to visit your miserable island

then I intend to inform the highest
possible authorities otherwise.

It was your helicopter, Señor Lubeck.
You were supposed to be a passenger.

- Why weren't you?
- Change of plan, Inspector.

It's not likely.
You are known as a methodical man.

- Lucky, then?
- You've had your share of that...

And good lawyers.
I do not think it was an accident.

Why? Who'd do that?
I don't have any enemies.

No, you have "friends" -
Beresford, Fuegas...

- Business associates.
- Huh!

I hear...you are retiring.

- Do you?
- They will miss you...

all your "business associates".

And your experience -
all that knowledge...

Where the bodies are buried,
where the fix is, all the skeletons.

- Skeletons?
- The neat figures and the dirty millions.

I'm afraid you've lost me.

If it wasn't those two,
it was Costello.

Who?!

No, not Costello, he would rather
buy you than kill you...

Or even better, buy what you know -

the names, the network, the levers,
chapter and verse,

and then I'd have a war on my hands.

Inspector, I don't understand
a word of this.

I think you have taken out
an insurance policy.

I think you are leaving your associates
in no doubt as to what they'll get...

if anything should happen to you.

Why ARE you retiring, Harry?

Because I'm sick of it all!

Evening, sir.

Here's the geezer you've been looking for.

Thank you, Gravel.

Yes, Ralph Fuegas.

Ah, well, of course, I understand,
you, er...you, er...

you get a message on the telephone, you
hear a voice and you have to check it out.

All right, fine.

I'll be here.

Thank you.

Makes a change for you to be "polite"
to the contractors.

Ah, everybody is polite to Reno.

There's five in the world,
and maybe he's the best.

With a gun, a knife, a garrotte...
or his hands, all very quiet.

- (VOICES APPROACH)
- You order a corpse from him...

...and it is delivered.

Hey!

(PHONE RINGS)

Fuegas.

You talked to the people I said?

Well, that's nice.

We shall see you tomorrow, then.

It's the usual sewing pattern,
with just a little embroidery.

Good, Have a nice flight.

- So it's settled? Great.
- Gravel, we've got company!

Evening, Inspector.
Lovely to see you.

though I must admit,
it's not often enough(!)

No, no, no, put that away.
Put it towards your pension.

I saw Harry Lubeck today.

He's looking fit and well.

I came here from Milan two years ago
and I said to myself,

Costello, this is where the money is.

I was right, Harry, wasn't I?

I hear your helicopter crashed, Harry.

I thought you might want
to change your mind,

turn over your business to me,
You know how it works.

No, Costello.

I'll take it anyway.

Perhaps.

It's a lot easier with your help.
Much less blood spilt.

- Fuegas and Beresford know that.
- I'm counting on it.

Look at it, Harry.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

Goodbye, Costello.

I'm glad it all worked out for you.
Not too much ice, Jim! Thank you.

I thought it would be
right up your street.

They're very interested in Miss Amberton's
house. Thank you for sending them to me.

She's a dreadful woman, mind.

Some sort of show jumper
who fell off her horse once too often.

Still, it'll be nice commission.

It needs to be!
It'll help me pay the builders.

- Still working on your place, are they?
- Oh, yes.

I always knew you weren't stopping here
from choice!

What are YOU here for, then, Charlie?

- Eh?
- Yeah, you. There's gotta be a reason.

Well, I'm going away for a bit

- and I was wondering...
- Ah-ha!

...if you could keep an eye
on the house till I get back?

Oh, sure.

- Thanks, Jim,
- Away where?

- Well, um...
- Your cases packed,

are they, Charlie? If you've got space,
you can borrow my scuba gear.

- You what?
- It's a bit tatty.

Scuba? Me?

Still, you don't want to wander about
with brand-new gear, do you?

I'm not going on holiday,
I'm going on business!

- Where, Charlie?
- Ah... Where the sun shines...

...and the pickings are rich.

WOMAN ON TANNOY: Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm sorry for the delay

on your flight to Malaga, but we shall be
taking off in about 15 minutes' time.

We are waiting for
one more passenger to board the plane.

Probably some daft woman
locked herself in the lavatory!

Thank you.

Not the Duchess of Windsor's jewels,
are they, eh, surely?

No. Seedlings. I'd forgotten how
tedious agricultural red tape was!

Hello, sir, can I help you?

Well, I hope so. I wonder if
you could suggest something?

How about this, sir?
It's a nice, fresh fragrance.

Mmm.

- Which cards do you take?
- Oh, all of them.

Mmm. Maybe.

Or there's this. This is very nice.

WOMAN: Make a nice little present,
won't it? Do we need anything else?

MAN: No, I don't think so.

Oh, we should get something special
for your sister, it's her birthday soon,

- Could you sign here, please?
- Yes.

What do you have in mind?
Not that I think we need to.

- You can get any of this stuff.
- But not so cheap.

You're supposed to be working,
not shopping!

Well, they're up to something.

God knows what!

Keep an eye on her.
I'll wait for Jim.

All right. See you later.

Not on YOUR wages, you can't. Forget it.

Anything doing?

Nothing. Ben's with the woman.

Nobody running down the road
shouting, "Stop thief!"

There WILL be.

I cannot believe the two of you were there
the whole time and saw nothing!

Now, then, watch.

CROZIER: That's Marie Chantal..
Cairo born...

which accounts for no accent
in three languages.

French passport...
Plenty of sus. No previous.

There...behind the handbag.

- I didn't see anything.
- No.

Nor would a judge.

And now the switch...

CROZIER: That's our friend
Simon Lorrilard.

French father, English mother.

A charmer.

And out there somewhere there'll be
a runner. A highly organised operation.

Now, listen...
They all look very respectable.

They move in and out of expensive shops
like lightning, and the banks...

A bundle of good credit cards is worth
$150,000 -$200,000,

so the French police reckon.

Now, the people the banks
and the rest of them will lean on...

...Is us. Especially here.
"Come to sunny Jersey and get stung."

The Chief's feelings exactly.

Why don't we just sling 'em out?

Well, they're thieves.
I'd rather nick 'em.

TANNOY: Ladies and gentlemen,
we shall be landing

at Malaga Airport in a few minutes' time.

Please observe the no-smoking signs,

ensure your seat is
in the upright position

and your seatbelt is fastened.
Thank you.

(ANNOUNCEMENT CONTINUES IN SPANISH)

CHARLIE: Mind you, I'm new to this
marine franchise investment lark meself,

but business is business,

and my syndicate has given me
a completely free hand

and will go along with
whatever I recommend.

Yes, I'm sure they will.
And your franchise, where will it be?

Down there! All being well.

- I live down there.
- On your own?

No...with three servants
and a security force -

I split costs on the sheikh next door

- and two very large dogs.
- Oh, I like dogs. What are they called?

Dog One and Dog Two. I meet them
at breakfast to admire their teeth.

(PIANIST PLAYS: These Foolish Things)

OK, I'll do it.

Good.

There is one little snag...

Oh, yes, the embroidery.

When you take out Harry Lubeck,
it does have to be foolproof.

- Mm-hm.
- Un...detectable.

It's been done before.

Our pattern
still has friends on the Costa.

There's competition for what he knows.
That is the embroidery. Take it off him.

IF he's carrying it.

Oh, he will be! There's no stash
which is police-proof these days,

and good old methodical Harry's stash
is sure to be private.

(RENO PLAYS: Someone To Watch Over Me)

SUSAN: Thank you, Frank.

(PHONE RINGS)

Lubeck.

- Costello.
- Hello, Harry, how are you?

I've been making enquiries
into your helicopter crash.

It was the Greek.

Some mechanic, no?

I thought you might want to cross him
off your birthday list.

It's only a small retirement present,
Harry.

So you know who your friends are.

Costello, I don't want this!
It's finished.

- (PHONE GOES DEAD)
- Costello!

I still don't want to sell!

Well, there could be substantially
more income. As your solicitor...

Don't humour me, George.
I don't WANT a substantial income.

I already have enough to end my days
here...with proper care.

Oh, no, George, please, not that thing.

I won't give in to this stupid disease.

Not in company.

It's such a big house, Miss Amberton.

Don't you think you might be better off
in a nursing home?

So the doctors say.

Better or worse...
That's the least of my worries.

I'm concerned about Gully.

What WILL he do?

Where will he go?

CHARLIE: You see, me and my associates
are very keen

on expanding our interests to Spain.

We feel we would have a lot to offer.

WOMAN: For a syndicate like yours
taking up this kind of franchise,

the opportunities are
pretty well unlimited.

- But the personal touch is important.
- The personal? Oh...

I'd like to sniff around first,
really get the feel of the place.

Then, maybe you and I could put
our heads together, Miss...er...?

Of course, Mr Hungerford.

CHARLIE: Oh, dear!

Oh, dear! He's all chopped up
like ratatouille,

By propellers.

- Oh...nasty,
- Did you know him, then?

Oh, sure.
At least, I think I did.

Still...accidents will happen.

Especially round here.

Would you be...er...
Charlie Hungerford?

I might be. Why?

Gravel Beresford.
That's Gravel as in gritty.

I hear you're interested in making some
investments down here on the Costa.

- You must have big, sharp ears, then.
- Oh, I do, Mr Hungerford. I do.

So do my associates. They heard...
two million, from a Jersey syndicate.

Legit...

All sorts of rumours get about.

They do, don't they?
But this one's been checked.

You'll have the documents
in your little satchel, won't you?

You wanna hang onto that.

AND the franchise you've got
for the marine equipment.

You know, you ought to open
an advice bureau.

Advice Bureau... I like it!

Oh, Chas, you are a card!

No sense of humour, the dagoes.
And...I miss that.

But you're right.
And here's the advice.

It's no good investing all this money,
if you haven't got any protection.

And that means reliable co-investors.

I've already got those, thank you.

Not round here, you haven't, dear boy.
Not yet.

- You know!
- Gully?

- At Miss Amberton's.
- Oh, yeah, Gully.

A clergyman found him some years back
and she took him in. Right?

Right, Well, Miss Amberton's going
into a nursing home,

So what happens to him if she does that?

Exactly!

Jim...this sounds silly...

- What?
- He makes me nervous.

Well, there's no need.

Gully's a bit...not backward,
not simple...

just a bit slow.
A decent chap, keeps himself to himself.

No. The way he looked at me,
as if I were to blame.

(WELSH MALE-VOICE CHOIR
ON RADIO SINGS: Myfanwy)

(TURNS VOLUME UP)

(TVCOMMENTARYIN SPANISH)

COMMENTATOR: Goal!

There were wrench marks
on the fuel line of your helicopter.

Fact, rumour...

- or invention, Inspector?
- Fact!

They may be luckier next time

unless you help me put these
so-called "associates" of yours away.

I'm sorry, I still don't know...

You don't know what I'm talking about(!)

The profits from the extortion...
The blood...

The drug-crazies breaking their teeth
on the canvas of the strait-jacket.

- It is sordid, no?
- And nothing to do with me!

(COMMENTARYBECOMES ANIMATED)

COMMENTATOR: Goal! Goal!

How's your friend, Costello?

Inspector, who is Costello?

He does your murders for you now.

We pulled the body of the Greek
out of the harbour this morning.

- I didn't know about that.
- You didn't have to!

All you have to know
is that you have the balance.

Clever...devious...

...son of a bitch!

(PLAYS CLASSICAL PIECE)

Ah, hello again, Mrs Southurst!
May I?

Of course. How clever of you to find
my phone number, Mr Hungerford!

No, not really. I just rang Customs
at Heathrow and flannelled a bit.

There couldn't have been
too many boxes of seedlings

flying first class to Malaga!

And I found out about you,
and you are who you said you are.

Pity, I quite fancied being taken for
a toy-boy on the Spanish run!

Señor...

Where did he get this from?

I don't know. I'll find out.

(THEY CONVERSE IN SPANISH)

He said it was handed in at the desk.
You must have left it in the taxi.

No! Ten minutes ago, I locked this and
hid it under a pile of shirts in my room.

For you, Señor.

Me?

Hello?

BERESFORD: Charlie, old stick...
How are you?

Won't keep you long.

I had a chance to look over
your marina proposition. I like it.

My associates like it.
You can cut us in for 30%.

No, no, be fair...25%.
It's juicy, but we're not greedy.

Listen, sonny, you must have walked in
off some street-market!

First, I've got adequate financing

and second, I'm very choosy
about my partners.

You're in foreign parts, Charlie.
You have to get used to it.

We're having the document drawn up.
When it's ready, I'll give you a ring,

you can sign it and we can
have a little drink on it.

You ring me and I'll be out!

The travelling has made you excitable,
Charlie.

You have a nice supper
with your lovely lady.

I can recommend the fish.
And I'll be on the blower.

Well...I'm sorry about that.

It's some joker trying to get
a piece of the franchise investment.

Oh? What joker?

Beresford. He even left his card!

I turned him down.
You heard me.

Nobody turns Beresford down.

Now look, that's the window.

Isn't it lovely?

Would you like a look at the cottage now?

Oh, yes, thank you.

So, what was the cottage used for
originally?

I'm not sure. I assume it was
some kind of servants' quarters.

May we go in now, Gully?

Do come this way.

Thank you.

- Thanks.
- Now, do you see, William?

It's perfect!

This is one of the reasons
we want the house so badly.

We can put some roof lights in,
north facing...

...redo this old ostler's fireplace,

and it'll make a perfect studio.

I can't wait.

- Wow.
- I don't envisage any problems.

SUSAN: I'll put things in hand
as soon as I get back to the office.

You should be able to move in
in a matter of weeks.

My son will probably want his fiancée
to see the ring,

but since I'll be paying for it, I think
I'm allowed some element of choice.

Oh...

I much prefer this, Don't you?

- Lovely, classical diamond.
- Yes, indeed.

Oh, well,
they're insisting on emerald.

Unlucky, I think,
but it's something romantic

to do with the colour of her eyes.

- (DOORBELL)
- Excuse me a moment.

(ASSISTANT SPEAKS TO SOMEONE)

Well, I suppose one should let
young people make their own choice.

This really is a LOVELY stone.

I'll take your card
and send them along.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

No alarms from up here, mate!

Nothing down here either.
I'll follow her.

Afternoon, Gully.

Not what you're used to, I'm afraid,

but you can stay
as long as you like.

It's been a sort of unofficial
club-house for them,

but they have been told.

You'll soon make it comfortable.

All yours!

They're taking the roof
off my house.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Good afternoon. My name is Hungerford,
Charles Hungerford.

Si?

Señor Carlos Hungerford.

I have an appointment
with Mr Rodrigo

at half past five.

Oh, es lo cuarto.

You what...?

- Fourth floor.
- Oh, fourth floor.

Right. Thank you very much.

Oh, blooming Ada!

Hey! I say...

You there! The lift doesn't seem
to be working...

Can you help?

I SAY,,,!

Blasted foreigners!
They're all alike.

Don't just stand there,
do something!

I'm stuck in this damn contraption.
Can't you do something?

Help!

- (BANGING)
- Help!

Please, help me!

For God's sake,
get me out of here!

Miss!

Miss! Please help me!

Buenas tardes, Señora.
Buenas tardes.

The...

it's the lift.

No.

Beresford!

Look, Charlie, I can't just drop
everything, can I?

- It's bad, Jim. It's really bad...
- Chief Inspector...

Actually, I'm scared. Is there
no way at all you can get out?

All right, Charlie, I'll try.

There'll be a ticket waiting for you.
Do you hear me?

Yes, Charlie, I hear you.
OK, bye, Charlie.

Hang on a minute...

Lubeck...

Barney...

Well-heeled, squeaky-clean.

- You know what I mean? A bit too clean.
- Nobody's too clean.

- Barney, I'd like to take some leave.
- Fine.

- Like now.
- What?

Tonight.

- Out of the question. What's the matter?
- It's personal...

We've got a squad of top French thieves
touring the island,

we haven't made a single arrest,
the Chief's on the phone asking why

and you want to toddle off
with a bucket and spade?

- Pettit and Lomas can handle that.
- No, they can't!

They're grown up, fully trained,
give them a chance.

- They need supervision.
- Well, YOU supervise them.

- Bye, boys.
- Ta-ra, luv.

- I'll lock up.
- All right.

(FLAPPING)

Oh, I gave you a ring.
Did you get the message?

- Charlie.
- Yeah.

- Can you do anything?
- Probably not.

We've got no real power there,
no jurisdiction.

- Charlie wants someone to lean on.
- Yes, something like that.

- I can't say no, can I?
- No.

You'll be all right?

Sue...?

I found Gully a sort of home -
a caravan.

Not like his old place,
better than nothing.

That's good.
Something worrying you?

No. No, of course not.
Have a good time.

I'll do my best...for Charlie.

Will you be away long?

# When I was a young man
courting the girls

# I played me a waiting game

# If a maid refused me
with tossing curls

# I'd let the old Earth
take a couple of whirls

# While I plied her with tears
in lieu of pearls

# And as time came around
she came my way

# As time came around

# She came... #

How much are we paying this...er,
choirboy to get on with his properjob?

Enough, Gravel. Enough.

He's seen Harry Lubeck. He knows him.
Why can't he wait for him on Jersey?

Harry's just picked the place.
Reno will pick the time.

(PHONE RINGS)

Yes?

Yes, speaking.

What?!

Oh, my...God!

No, it was empty.
There was no-one living there.

It was empty! There was nothing
that could have caused a fire.

Señor...

Hi, Charlie!

Oh, Jim, there you are!

- Thank God you could make it!
- What's going on?

I'll explain about it in the car.
It's waiting just outside.

- No, George.
- No?

The current was turned off.

It might not have been.
Some workman, perhaps...

I was the last one there.

Well, it's going to cost someone
a great deal of money.

George, I just wanted to talk to somebody.

Yes. Look, in the first instance,
it's a case of allocating responsibility.

Susan...

You don't think it was an accident,
do you?

No.

- Have you spoken to Jim?
- Jim's not here.

You MUST pay Beresford protection
or your equipment will get wrecked,

and your labour force will stop coming in
for fear of "accidents".

You've got to do something, Jim.
We've put a lot into this investment.

Really worked at it.
There's half a million in already

for research and buying the franchise,
and another two million to go in later.

And this Beresford wants to
cut himself in on the deal?

- Aye.
- I get the picture.

It's wonderful of you to fly over
at a moment's notice.

I'm only here
because Charlie asked me to come.

Officially, I can't do anything.

Beresford has the papers all ready
for me to sign.

And if you don't?

Charlie?

Eva says I won't get out of here

in one piece.
Best I can hope for is badly damaged.

Look, Eva had a foreman maimed!

They took him out to a building site,
up onto some scaffolding and then...

dropped him off.

I was too long in cutting them in
on the investment.

- "Them"?
- Mm. Beresford and a man called Fuegas.

This...um...Beresford,
he must have a base, an office?

No, not exactly. Not an office.

Well, what exactly?

When I signed the papers,
I had to go to his yacht.

He kept everything there.

I built up my business,

and I'm proud of it.

I didn't want it used
as a laundry for dirty money.

I didn't want financing
from extortion and drugs.

My husband was alive then.

What happened?

He was out with the men,
working with the tractor,

pulling a loaded trailer up a steep hill.

He was meticulous about the gear,
checked everything himself.

Have you seen a steel hawser breaking
under the strain, Sergeant Bergerac?

Flying about in all directions,
like a mad thing?

Well, it shouldn't have broken.

But somehow it DID.

And Bill was in the way.

Four days later, Beresford rang
and told me I had a co-director.

Harry Lubeck.

You son-of-a-bitch...!
Grantham... Get your ass in here!

Yessir, Master Boss(!)

(SOUNDS HORN)

I told you it was only a rope
fouling the prop.

It's the last time I listen
to some lousy yacht bum.

We didn't have to come in here
to fix it!

I needed a lift.

You'll need other crew,
this one's leaving.

Frankly, I'm tired of hearing
your stories about

nearly making "All-American".
And I hate to say this, Wesley, old chum,

I'm a little tired of your wife.

Aaaargh!

Urrgghh!

Aaah!

As a demonstration,
very, very good, Joe.

But a little public.

Where we're going, the profile
had better be a lot, lot lower.

(DOG BARKS)

(CRUNCHING)

(PHONE RINGS)

- Yes?
- Susan? Sorry to call at this hour.

- Barney, that's all right!
- Can I speak to Jim, please?

No. He's not here.

What the hell's he playing at?
I assumed you were going off together.

(CRUNCHING)

Susan, is everything all right?

Yes. Yes.

- You're quite sure?
- Yes. I'll tell him you called.

- Goodnight, Barney.
- Goodnight, Susan.

(HE SPEAKS IN SPANISH)

Charlie, old mate...
Come aboard! Come aboard!

Good to see you again, Chas.
Who's your friend?

A co-investor of mine.

Hey, come aboard!
Hey, he looks handy enough.

Any friend of Charlie's
is a friend of mine.

Very glad to see you, Mr Beresford.

Gentlemen, Mr Hungerford...

- and, um...?
- This is my co-investor, Jim.

- Hi!
- I don't sign anything

- without his agreement.
- Exactly so.

Gentlemen, you'll be delighted to know

we've decided to pick up
one third of your marina venture.

- A third!?
- Good!

- Good?
- Sounds good to me.

There's half a million gone into this.
Can we collect a third of that first?

- Oh, dear me, no. Oh, no, son.
- Go on, Charlie, just s-sign it!

What!?

Stop playing silly buggers. Just sign the
bloody papers so we can all have a drink!

Well...I don't know...

Your co-investor's given you good advice,
Mr Hungerford? When you get good advice,

- why not take it?
- Charlie, what are you waiting for?

I don't sign anything without reading it,
Never have done and never will!

Look, he's a sensible fella...
Thank you.

...I'm a sensible fella...
How about you?

Yeah, I'm a sensible fella.

As sensible fellas,
we should have a drink. Right?

Charlie, you read through that stuff.
I've got to go to the little boys' room,

Now, if you're a sensible fella,
you'll know where that is. Where is it?

- It's up the pointy end, downstairs.
- Thanks very much.

Whoops, hey!

Ooo-eh!

(LAUGHING) Where's the little boys' room?

Little... Ohh!

Oops-a-daisy!

- Er...
- Yes, Mr Hungerford?

I wouldn't say no
to a drink meself.

(FOOTSTEPS)

Charlie!

Get him!

Get off, Charlie!

See you at the hotel, Jim!

Buenos dias!

When the scum like you fight
each other, I collect.

You're all under arrest!

(MOTORCYCLES APPROACHING)

(STATIC BUZZES)

And as we flew in, Jersey looked as though
most of it was under snow...

And it was this fabric
that she was talking about.

And I was talking to potato-growers
who grow Jersey Royal and nothing else

mainly for the British market.
And, by putting that stuff down,

which they do by hand over acres
and acres of ground, it's incredible,

they are lifting a fortnight earlier
than they've ever lifted before.

(ARGUING IN SPANISH)

- What can I say, Inspector? I'm sorry.
- So you should be, Sergeant.

What would you do with 36 hours' notice?

This is the first time I have arrested
a policeman! I hope it is the last.

Do you have any idea
what it is like here, Sergeant?

You are lucky I am not in the harbour
diving for YOUR body!

- I realise that. I'm grateful.
- And your friend, Mr Hungerford.

I'll tell him.

This is the Costa, Sergeant!
Intimidation, extortion, greed, fear.

This was the small fry.

But always at the top,
the untouchables...

Beresford, Fuegas...

And Harry Lubeck?

D'you know Harry Lubeck?

I've come across the name, yeah.

Lubeck has retired.

The others will fight amongst themselves
and honest men will benefit.

But they would benefit more
if they knew what Lubeck knows.

What he always carries
in his little notebook.

Don't waste your time, Sergeant.
You can do no good here.

The only man who can help you
is Harry Lubeck.

- And he's retired, yeah?
- Yes.

You don't know where he's gone, do you?

Where you've just come from.
Go home, Sergeant.

Yes, in police terms,
the record seems excellent,

but you'll appreciate the need
for the occasional random check.

"Seems"? If there WERE a police
record, or any hint of one,

I wouldn't be allowed to be here,
We both know it.

No offence, Mr Lubeck.
None meant, anyway.

None taken.

Is that a bribe
or a present from an admirer?

Neither!

It's something Jim's ordered,
Customs are very interested in it.

It sure intrigues the hell out of me!

Mmm. Who's she?

Come on. Let's get out of here.

No, not yet.

(PIANO PLAYS: Making Whoopee)

I'll have a Jack Daniels
and a copy of the Yellow Pages, please.

Thanks.

(EVERYONE APPLAUDS)

I now have a list of veterinary surgeons.

All Creatures Great and Small!

But I fail to see how a vet is going to
help us kill Harry Lubeck?

Undetectable, Joe.
You forgot - undetectable!

- Good morning, Sergeant.
- Is it?

Buenos dias, señora y señores.

I don't believe he was on the Costa
at all! Probably spent the time in bed.

Needs the rest at his age!

Bergerac to DC Ramsden.
Come in, please. Over.

- Bergerac to DC Ramsden. Come in, please.
- Oh, you're back?