Bergerac (1981–1991): Season 6, Episode 3 - A Horse of a Different Colour - full transcript

(LATCH CLICKS)

(DOOR CREAKS)

(DOG STARTS TO BARK)

(DOG BARKING FURIOUSLY)

(WHISPERING) Shut the light off!

- Chester?
- (WHISPERING) Shut it off!

WOMAN: What are you doing?

Some joker's fooling around
down by the stables.

Huh?

Terry's down there, isn't he?

If only, He's gone
to his precious party!



It's probably just kids.

- Call the police!
- Hmm?

The police?
You can manage that, I suppose(?)

(DOG CONTINUES BARKING)

- Chester...
- Ssh! Go back to bed and be quiet.

Chester, the phone isn't working!

They've cut the wires, and you say
it's kids? I'll get the bastards.

Go to the guest house
and get the others first.

Don't be dumb.
They're both in a worse state than I am.

Just go back to bed, will ya?

Chester, don't shoot anyone.

(ALSATIAN CONTINUES BARKING)

Quiet, boy, quiet.
That's enough, boy.

(DOG WHIMPERING)



(WHISPERING) I can see you.

OK, come out, you sneaky bastard.

I've got a gun here and a dog.
What more do you want?

(DOG BARKING)

(DOG WHIMPERING)

Ooohhh...

Aaah...!

- Find anything?
- Only what you'd expect in a stable.

What have you got?

Two pairs of wellies. They led the horse
that way, towards the road.

Had a van waiting.

- Right. I'll have a word with Ackerman.
- Right.

Look, you wanna know about the horse,
ask him - he's in love with the beast.

- And you are, sir?
- Terry Budd.

Stable lad.
I look after Crimson Cavalier.

- Huh!
- It was only the one night, Mr Ackerman.

Terry, one night is all it took!

TERRY: I sleep in a room behind the
stables, right next to Cavalier's stall.

Normally, I'd have heard everything,
but last night I was at a party.

Er, this horse - Crimson Cavalier -
is he still pretty valuable?

Yeah, well, I know about the Derby,
but his racing days are over, aren't they?

Mr Bergerac, with a champion horse,
the time when you make the real money

is when his racing days are over.

Breeding, you see - stud fees. 5 million
over the next three or four years.

- 5 million?!
- Mmm.

The mares are queuing up
at £50,000 a throw.

Nice work if you can get it.

You do have to be a champion
to command that sort of fee, though.

Still...

Was there anyone else
on the premises that night? Staff?

Sure. A couple of guys stayed over at the
guest house, but they were both wrecked.

- The wine flowed into the small hours.
- Could I have their names, please?

I can do better than that.
They're still here.

Come on, you two.
The game's up!

Sergeant Bergerac, this is Miles Cockburn.
He owns the stables over in St Aubin's.

I was telling the Sergeant, Miles,
that you couldn't be a lot of help to him.

Oh, worse than useless, I'm afraid.

By the time I got to bed, I'd have
slept through the Last Judgment.

(SPLUTTERING)

Oh. Here comes our other guest.

I didn't know it was going to turn out
to be an all-night boozing session.

I was just trying to be a Good Samaritan.

You...don't think
I enjoy this sort of thing, do you?

Of course not, Charlie(!)
A Good Samaritan, eh?

Well, there's been a bit of bad feeling,
and as they're both friends of mine...

Well, Miles is a friend,
and I see quite a bit of Chester -

Law and Order Committee,
that sort of thing -

I thought I'd get them together
to patch things up. Sort of, um...

Pour wine on troubled waters, eh?

Look, could we talk about this
some other time? ...Thank you.

- Charlie!
- What?

Hope your head gets better!

Thank you...very much,

(HORSE WHINNIES)

Come on, then. Come on.

- Been with him a long time, have you?
- Sorry?

You...and the horse.

Oh, yeah. Since the beginning,
when he came in at Lingfield at 40-1.

This party last night -

how many people knew you were going?

Well, it was all stable lads
and their girlfriends.

Everybody knew about it.

The horse went as good as gold, didn't he?
Maybe he KNEW the people who took him.

He wouldn't have to know them.
He likes people, see?

He trusts them.
My God...if they hurt him...

BERGERAC: Hardly likely to do that,
are they?

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Hobson and Young.

- Susan?
- Oh...hello, Jim.

Susan, I was wondering,
how are you fixed for dinner tonight?

Tonight? No, I can't.
I'm having dinner with a client.

Could you get out of it?

You mean the way you always get out
of your work to have dinner with me(?)

- Anyway, I can't. It's important. Sorry.
- Some other time?

Yes.

- Bye, then.
- Bye.

He's free now.

The Chief Inspector.
He's free now.

A ransom job, you say?

It's gotta be!
They're not gonna race it, are they?

This stud business -

I suppose nobody could be thinking
of going into it themselves?

You mean black-market nooky among
the hedgerows? Hardly seems likely.

The whole point of having a foal
by a horse like Crimson Cavalier

is so you can boast about it.

You never know with these horsey people.
Some of them can get pretty obsessive.

Strange the things
people can get obsessed with, isn't it?

What about somebody with a grudge
against Ackerman?

- He's not the most lovable person.
- It's a ransom job.

- So what's your next move?
- My next move?

My next move is to have some lunch
and to figure out what my next move is!

Is that gonna fly?

Yes, sir?

Oh...a ham sandwich
and a cup of coffee, OK?

Thank you very much.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Hello? Bureau des Étrangers.

No, I'm sorry.
He's not here at the moment,

Oh, hello, Susan. It's Peggy.
Can I take a message?

No, no, no... Just tell him I rang.
In fact, don't say anything, Peggy.

Right. Bye.

- Will there be anything else, sir?
- No, thanks, love. That's the lot.

- How about a nice rissole?
- Rissole?!

They're ever so good. Chef makes them
from a recipe handed down by her granny.

Philippa!

Ssh, James! We don't want everyone
to hear. I'm on the run.

- What?
- I went over the wall last night.

Eh?

- Hello!
- What's all that about?

I told her we were married
and had a bit of a row,

so she lent me her spare uniform
to play a little conjugal practical joke.

A little conjugal...?!

You are out of your tiny tree!

The judge gave you the minimum sentence.
You'd have been out in a few months.

- Now they'll throw the key away!
- It's not that that's worrying me.

- It's what I had to do to get out.
- What?

Strychnine - in the soup.
I felt sorry for the other prisoners,

but it was the only way I could be sure.

You'll read about it
in the papers tomorrow.

The Parole Board?

They said they could see no further
purpose in keeping me locked up.

So, who am I to argue
with such an august body?

I'm surprised they didn't offer you
the job of governor!

- Is everything all right?
- Wonderful!

He's forgiven me everything,
haven't you, darling?

- Our bliss is complete.
- Not quite!

- Oh?
- Could I have me ham sandwich, please?

Bring out your dead!
Bring out your dead!

- Look who's here, Hide the booze!
- Hello, Nigel.

Ah-ha! I hear we've been having
fun and games.

Don't be offended, dear boy.
I've just come to run my skilled eyes

over the fetlocks of one of the few horses
you haven't let slip through your fingers.

Oh!

I'm also doubling as postman.
I found this...

pinned to your front door.

I had a horse once - Penkin.
I was absolutely mad about her.

Philippa, I'm deeply touched
at your concern for my caseload,

but what exactly are you up to?

James, I've just spent several very long,
very dreary and very chaste months

in a cold prison cell, I'm remembering
an evening among the wine bottles...

Yeah, yeah, all right, please!

How is your little estate agent?
As far as I remember,

- things were rather iffy between you.
- Yeah, well, they still are "iffy".

Really? In that case, may I suggest
a little dinner? Nothing too elaborate.

And then we could see
what we could improvise for pudding.

No, Philippa. I've already said -
things are still iffy between Susan and I,

but we're trying to work it out
and I don't need any complications. Sorry.

In that case,
I'll just settle for the dinner.

- MAN ON RADIO: We have a problem.
- Excuse me.

Is that your car with the radio talking?
I think you're wanted.

Charming, isn't it(?)

I wouldn't pay too much attention
to the threat, Mrs Ackerman.

They've got to say something like this.

Well, there's nothing wrong with him,
Chester. Right as a trivet.

Mr Blake, you were the first
to see this note, is that right?

Yes, that's right.

- Why, does that make me a suspect?
- Should it?

Look, I stare at enough horses'
backsides every day of my life

without wanting to start
a collection of my own! Chester,

a small libation usually goes down well
at this time of the day.

Nigel, you want a drink, get one.
You know where the booze is.

Cheers.

I suppose the world and his brother
have handled this note?

I'll take it down the lab, anyway.

And Mr Ackerman...
no private deals, please,

if they do come through
with a time and a place.

Listen, I ain't gonna give the bastards
a wooden nickel.

Actually, the horse is insured
for £6 million.

It wouldn't make sense to give away
three million

on the off chance
of getting him back, would it?

Yes, I've always wanted to take up golf,

but unfortunately my work
doesn't leave any time for hobbies.

If you'll excuse me a moment...

- What's the matter with you?
- (WHISPERING) It's so boring!

Another half an hour, just
to show willing, It's only once a year.

I know.

It gives you a chance to meet
the people I have to work with.

All I've met so far are two wives, both
of whom were even more bored than I was.

Ah! Barney...just the fellow. And how is
your good lady this evening, er...?

- Alice.
- Alice, of course, yes. Er, Chester...

Barney, Chester feels that this horse
business isn't going...quickly enough.

Does he?

- No criticism intended.
- No criticism, no.

All I'm saying is, this guy
you've got on my case - Bergerac -

does he know what he's doing?

It's early days, Mr Ackerman, and
Sgt Bergerac is a highly capable officer.

"Sergeant"? I'm sorry to hear that.

I just thought with the tax I pay

I might have got something better
than sergeant. I'm sorry.

Er...well...Chester...

I know Jim personally,
He's a dedicated policeman.

He's probably sweating blood
over this business at this very moment.

- Madame!
- Thank you, kind sir.

So what happened to this horse of yours?

- Penkin?
- Mmm.

When the crash came
and my father started going downhill,

she was one of the first things
that had to go. I wept buckets.

Somehow I can't imagine you in tears!

I was 15 at the time, James.
It never happened again,

- Madame.
- Thank you.

Mmm... Lovely.

There were two things I spent my time
inside dreaming about, James.

And this was the other one!

Do you really think
those people will hurt the horse?

Well, they could be
a bunch of hardened pros

or a couple of bumbling amateurs.

Either way, I reckon
someone from the local horsey set...

Sorry to interrupt, James,
but what does Susan look like?

Susan? She's about 5' 5",
very pretty...

- Long, brown hair?
- Yeah,

- Blue dress, gold bracelet?
- Yeah,

- Angry blue eyes?
- Huh?

Wh...? Ah...hello, Susan.

Don't get up.
You seem to be having such a good time.

- Susan Young, this is Philippa Vale.
- Of course it is.

I've seen your picture in the papers, only
I didn't think it could possibly be you.

I understood you were a guest
of Her Majesty for the foreseeable future.

Philippa's out on parole.

We were just having dinner to celebrate.
We were sure you wouldn't mind.

Why should I mind? I turned him down.
The poor man had to eat with somebody.

Susan!

I can assure you, he hasn't talked
about anything but you all evening.

- Sorry, I didn't catch the name.
- Philippa!

- Anyway, I'll leave you to it,
- No, Susan.

Sit down and have a drink.
Bring your friend over.

- No, I don't think so.
- Oh, come on!

He's a client, Jim.

Yes, James. You know how estate agents
have to be careful who they're seen with.

They have such a scrupulous reputation
for integrity(!)

- Philippa, shut up!
- No, let her go on!

Who better to talk about integrity
than someone

who spends their life taking things
that belong to other people?

Oh, absolutely. Things...

Of course, people, on the other hand,
don't belong to anybody,

however much we might like
to try and convince ourselves.

Good night.

Susan...

Thanks a million(!)

- I'm sorry, but she did start it.
- You stay here!

(SHOUTING) Susan! Susan...!

The lady asked me to say good night, sir.

What?

She says she hopes
you manage to sort out your priorities

and perhaps she will see you again
someday, sir.

Terrific(!)

- Not disturbing you, am I?
- Oh, Barney. what, er...?

What's up with you?

What's up with me is that
I had a patronising lecture

from Chester Ackerman
at the committee do last night.

He thinks you're not spending enough time
and effort on finding his precious horse.

Naturally, I assured him you are a highly
capable and conscientious police officer

and that you are giving the matter
your undivided attention!

Thank you.

- No, seriously, Barney...
- Yes?

Look, the lab boys have been over
that note and come up with nothing.

There's not much I can do, until
they make arrangements for a payoff.

Exactly - you haven't got
a thing to go on, have you?

I do have one idea.

But it is rather, er...fanciful.

Miles Cockburn?
Surely you don't think...

- He WAS there, Charlie.
- Dead to the world, same as I was.

This bad feeling between him
and Ackerman...

Business.

You see, Chester lent Miles money
to set up his new stables,

at a tidy rate of interest,
against the deeds of the stables,

then suddenly called in the loan.

- The entire amount?
- Every penny!

- Is Ackerman short of money?
- No. Pure sadism.

- His idea of a joke. They never got on.
- What about your mercy mission?

Well, Chester's agreed to give him another
three months. Miles hasn't a hope in hell.

- Still, it's better than nothing.
- Should he be on my list?

Kidnapping a racehorse?!

Tell you what, Jim. If you want a word
with Miles, come with me this afternoon.

You're going to see him?

No jokes, Jim, but I'm thinking
of buying a racehorse.

- You what?
- I said no jokes!

(BERGERAC LAUGHS HEARTILY)

Make Your Mind Up.

- Eh?
- The horse. That's his name.

- What do you think of him?
- They all look the same to me, Charlie.

What's Cockburn done to his leg?

CHARLIE: He took a flyer at a brick wall.

Still impressed, Charlie?

I might be more inclined to commit myself

if you'd commit yourself to a price.

No, I'm going to wait till Bank Holiday
Monday - he might double his value!

You never know.

- What's on Monday?
- The Clarendon, Last race of the season,

Auctioning the winner.

I'll enjoy seeing the old boy go in
under my colours one more time.

Who knows, Charlie?
If he comes in first,

you may be bidding against me.

First - at 25-1 ?!

Stranger things happen at sea.

Cheryl!

I've only seen photographs, of course,
but take away those white markings

and that could be
Crimson Cavalier's brother, couldn't it?

Well, that's because he IS his brother.
Well, half-brother.

- Same sire.
- But not the same track record, eh?

Talking of Crimson Cavalier...

There's no news at the moment, sorry.

(CLUNK)

PHILIPPA: Hello?

Anyone here?

(PHILIPPA GASPS)

- They're going to slip in a ringer.
- Really?

Yeah. Make Your Mind Up. He is
the living image of Crimson Cavalier,

apart from the markings, and they're
the easiest thing in the world to fake.

Really?

Yeah. They nicked Crimson Cavalier

and they're going to run him
in the Clarendon as Make Your Mind Up

and clean up at 25-1!

Apart from certain resemblances
between the two horses,

have you anything to go on
to back up this intriguing theory?

Cockburn and Ackerman have got it in
for each other,

Cockburn owes Ackerman
a great deal of money

and is probably having an affair
with Ackerman's wife.

Got a spy in the camp, right?

He was there
the night the horse went missing,

and his stable girl
is Terry Budd's girlfriend.

My God, what a conspiracy(!)

Are you sure Charlie
isn't part of it too(?)

All right, but whatever YOU think,

I'm going to spend
my Bank Holiday afternoon at the races...

- Well, I've got other plans.
- ...with Susan.

She'll love every minute of it.

IF I can talk her into it.

Mr Ackerman not got anything
running today?

No.

Still, I suppose it's the next best thing,
isn't it?

- It's amazing how alike they look, innit?
- Do you think so?

- Well, don't you?
- He's a beauty, isn't he?

What do you reckon to his chances, then?

- Chances? What chances?
- In the race.

Oh, I dunno.

Good for an each-way, I reckon.

- Best of luck.
- Thanks.

Bye.

What's up?

- Here you go.
- Thank you.

Need to get some more,

TANNOY: ...All expenses paid,
except the champagne.

Third prize, a day trip to Guernsey.

Trust you, Chester!
Where did you find her?

She's from some magazine. Wants to
interview me about the goddamn horse.

What can you say?

- Right, who needs?
- Over here.

You're OK, you're OK, you're OK.

OK.

Nigel?

TANNOY: And in numerical order, we have...

(HORSES ANNOUNCED)

If Make Your Mind Up wins,
are you going to bid for it?

- I might. Why, for heaven's sake?
- I just wondered.

Anyway, he's out of his class.
My money's on The Belter.

Oh, yes, I'd heard that,
Are you going to put a bet on for me?

Yeah, if you like.

- If I like?!
- Sorry. what d'you want? A quid each way?

- Make it a fiver!
- Good girl!

(WIND HOWLING)

(STRING QUARTET PLAYING ON RADIO)

You're not listening to that, are you?

Yes, I am, surprisingly enough!

I just want to hear the 3.40 race.

Since when
have you been interested in racing?

- Ssh-ssh!
- (SHE TUTS)

RADIO: There's been a brief hold-up.

Now the starter's flag is up, and they're
away in the Clarendon Selling Plate!

- Five quid each way. Here you are, sir.
- Thank you, sir!

10-1, Make Your Mind Up!

The smart money's on
Make Your Mind Up.

What the hell are you doing here?

I'm being your inside contact,
your leg man.

My what?!

I suppose that makes me
a sort of inside leg!

Yeah, but that still doesn't explain
what you're doing here.

Do you know what Susan would do if she...?

TANNOY: Make Your Mind Up
in fourth place.

They're now coming up to the five.

And it's The Belter...

from Rainbow Trout...

Gallaccio and Make Your Mind Up.

Capital Export has dropped back.
He's nowhere to be seen.

It is The Belter coming through from
Make Your Mind Up on the outside.

And it is The Belter...

at the furlong mark
from Make Your Mind Up...

(CROWD CHEERING)

Come on, Belter!

- Come on!
- Come on!

- Come on, The Belter!
- Come on!

Come on, Make Your Mind Up!

And it's Make Your Mind Up
from The Belter!

(CHEERING DROWNS SPEECH
AND TANNOY ANNOUNCEMENT)

And would you believe it?
A real turn-up for the books!

Just what the crowds have been wanting
all afternoon.

The 25-1 outsider Make Your Mind Up

- nosing out the favourite, The Belter...
- Look out!

(CRUNCH)

...Well, well, well!
Make Your Mind Up, the winner at 25-1.

Miles Cockburn will be delighted.

- James, what's the rush?
- Um...

We just bumped into each other.

Yes, I saw you
just bumping into each other.

What were you discussing this time -
wine cellars I have known and loved(?)

- James, you old chatterbox!
- Susan, I'm in a hurry.

Yes, well, you've got my telephone number,
haven't you?

- You know I've...
- Good!

- Now forget it!
- What?

Forget it! Expunge it from your memory.
Also where I live, where I work,

and the fact we ever laid eyes
on one another!

Oh, and I'm sure
you can find a better home for this!

Well, I'll...just go
and collect my winnings.

- Did you have anything on the race?
- Yes, I did.

Unfortunately,
I seem to have come in second.

Come on, ladies and gentlemen.
This marvellous horse...

winner of this year's Clarendon Cup
against a powerful field.

Who will say ten?

- Do I hear 10,000?
- Here!

10,000! Thank you, sir!
15, I hear? Do I hear 15?

15. Thank you, madam. A very good choice,
if I may say so. 20?

Do I hear 20,000? 20,000, anyone?

- What's going on?
- Ssh!

- Somebody's just gone to 20,
- Who?

Who do you think?

AUCTIONEER: He's the owner -
he knows a thing or two.

Who'll say 25? Come on!

- Charlie...
- Don't distract me!

- I'm biding my time.
- For God's sake, don't lose it!

What are you so bloomin' anxious about?

- 25?
- Here.

25,000 over there. Thank you, sir!

25,000, Who'll say 30?

- Can you prove any of this?
- Not if they get the horse, I can't.

They'll change them over
before anyone's any the wiser.

Come on, ladies and gentlemen, 30,000?

Charlie!

Come on. 30,000...

Susan, have you seen Jim? Susan?

Susan?

You satisfied?

Yeah, all right, all right.

Well done, Charles.
You've got a great horse there.

Aye. Thank you, Miles.

Bloomin' well better be,
the price you made me pay for it!

- Jim! You were right, were you?
- Er, no, not exactly, Barney.

Don't tell me you fell
for that cock-and-bull theory of his!

What, me? No, not for a moment!

But you know how it is
with these eager youngsters -

have to give them their heads
occasionally.

Very funny(!)

Don't worry, Jim.
You might still be on the right track.

I'll pop back to the Bureau

and put in a requisition
for a can of turps, all right(?)

(INDISTINCT VOICES)

(LAUGHING)

- Bloody Shergar, that's what it is!
- Excuse me.

The same thing happened to bloody Shergar.

Nigel, nobody knows what happened
to bloody Shergar.

Of course they do!
Bunch of amateurs cocked it up!

I say...

- Ended up by feeding him to the dogs!
- Oh, dear.

- Excuse me,
- He doesn't like horses anyway.

I DO like horses!

How's your day been so far, man?

It's very crowded here.

Nigel, Nigel, you're cramping my style.

Good boy. Good boy.

What are you up to, then? Oh...

- (GROWLING)
- What have you got there? Good boy.

Good boy.

Leave it. Good boy. Leave it.

Good boy.

You HAVE been giving her a hard time,
haven't you?

So that's where it...

Went? Funny toy for a guard dog, isn't it?

It belongs to the daughter
of one of the lads.

She's been looking everywhere for it.

So you went and buried it, did you,
you old devil?

You want to look out for that dog.
He's fierce.

So would you be
if you were kept chained up all the time.

I'll give it back to her, eh?

Fair enough.

Hello!

I thought you'd made your escape.

I found a funny thing in the yard -
a little woollen doll with yellow hair.

What, Lotty?

- Lotty?
- Yes, yes.

A sort of mascot for Crimson Cavalier.
He's crazy about it.

We thought the kidnappers
must have taken it.

- Really?
- Mm. Oh, excuse me.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Read that.

Thanks, darlin'.

Oh, it's one of my contacts in the horsey
set who might have some information.

Hey, hey, hey! What contacts?
What information?

Look, Barney, I don't want to end up
with egg on my face again, OK?

So let me just check this one out quietly
by myself. All right?

All right. Hey, but listen...
Sorry.

Listen!

Come on! Come on!

- You know what you need, don't you?
- Now, James, we've no time for that!

But why Terry Budd?

Who knows? We'll find that out
when we find Crimson Cavalier.

How's Susan?

Susan? Well, it's difficult to say,
since she's not talking to me.

It's your work, isn't it,
making all the difficulties?

Yeah.

- Have you...considered the alternative?
- What alternative?

Sharing your duvet with a woman
who ISN'T going to hassle you

about what time you come home,
because half the time

she won't be there either,

but when she DOES happen to be in the same
place at the same moment as you

will do her best to make sure
that a good time is had by all.

- You're serious, aren't you?
- Absolutely serious.

Think about it, James.

Is there any particular reason
for these horses,

apart from making me look
a complete charlie?

Partly because we look a lot less
suspicious than tramping around on foot,

and partly...

And this is where I've been
particularly brilliant, James...

Oh, good(!)

...what we're looking for is a big,
sexy stallion in the prime of life, right?

Yeah, that's right.

What I'm riding is a nubile, young filly
in equally good health but also in season.

Er...this way, James.

(WHINNYING)

- (WHINNYING)
- Quiet, Cav.

(WHINNYING)

(WHINNYING)

Ssh!

James, I don't believe it!

TERRY: Whoa, boy!

Oi! Get off!

I thought you said
my horse was supposed to be a fella!

It IS! Oh, James!

Crimson Cavalier... I think Gay Cavalier
might be more appropriate!

(PHILIPPA LAUGHS)

You mean there actually are gay horses?!

It happens, but not very often.

Well, it takes all sorts.

I'd love to have seen
Ackerman's face when he found out.

No, you wouldn't.

So why did you take the horse, Terry?
What was Ackerman going to do?

He could have tried mucking about
with artificial insemination, I suppose,

but somehow he seemed
to blame Cav personally,

as if he'd tried to make a fool of him.
So if Cav were to drop dead suddenly -

from "natural" causes -

the insurance would solve everything.

Could he fix a thing like that?

TERRY: He's got that vet in his pocket.

All Blake had to do was give Cav
a shot of something nasty

and then carry out his own autopsy.

I heard them talking about it
a few days back,

enough to realise that Cheryl and me
had better get Cav out of there pdq!

So...what happens now?

Well, whichever way you look at it,
Terry has committed a felony.

Oh, wonderful(!)
British justice triumphs again(!)

Terry saves the life of an innocent horse
and goes to jail -

Ackerman tries to slaughter one
and gets off scot-free!

- MRS ACKERMAN: Chester!
- CHESTER: What?

- Come here!
- What is it?

Come and look at this!

What?

Obviously they had him tied up somewhere.

He managed to break loose
and find his way home,

"They" being who?

Don't know, Mrs Ackerman.
Perhaps we never will.

The important thing is,
the horse is home safely.

Oh, and if I were you, Mr Ackerman,

I'd get the vet to give him the once-over,
make sure he's OK.

Thank you, Sergeant,
for your expert opinion(!)

(WHINNYING)

(WHISPERING) Philippa! Cut it out!

Sorry, James. We do end up
in some funny old places, don't we?

(WHISPERING) Keep your voice down!

Wine cellar...hayloft...
Think of all the fun we could have

before we ended up anywhere so mundane
as a bedroom!

Even if this were the place,
it sure as hell is not the time.

Speaking of which,
have you given any thought to my offer?

James...?

- Yep. Yeah, I have.
- And...?

The answer's no, I take it.

I don't know.

I had enough drama with my ex-wife,
all right?

I just... I just want
a conventional relationship,

have someone who'll be there
at the end of the day.

PHILIPPA: But who won't mind
if you're not.

Sergeant, that's not being conventional -
that's being caught in a time warp!

- Well, you...
- Ssh!

(WHISPERING) Come on!

Whoa! Whoa! That's a good boy.

That's a good boy, yeah.

CHESTER: Come on, Nigel!

Are you sure you want
to go through with this, Chester?

Sure! Come on, move it!

CHESTER: Easy, easy.
Whoa! Come on, come on!

- (WHINNYING)
- Hold him still, Chester.

For God's sake, hold him still!

Come on, get on with it, will you?

Just a moment, Mr Blake.

- What are you doing here, Bergerac?
- Making sure no-one hurts your horse.

Mr Blake, do you mind if I ask you
what's in that?

Er, vitamins.
A concentration of vitamins.

- It's to make sure...
- You won't mind if I have it analysed?

He'd mind very much.
You're trespassing, Bergerac!

Unless, of course, you've got a warrant.

I have reason to believe that you two
have entered into a conspiracy

to kill that horse in order to defraud
your insurance company.

That's a very serious accusation.

- You got any evidence?
- Not as yet.

Oh!

I've warned you, Mr Ackerman...

You're out of line, Bergerac.
Get the needle!

I can't...I can't find the needle.

Then use your eyes, man!

You are in serious trouble, Mr Ackerman.

- Ah!
- Is that what you were looking for?

You've killed me.
You stupid woman, you've killed me!

You've got to get some help, Bergerac.

There's enough adrenalin in that needle
to give me a dozen heart attacks.

Is anybody gonna do anything?

Come on, do something! What are you
gonna do, you callous bastards?

- Just stand round and watch me die?!
- Don't be such a crybaby!

Oh...

I get it. The joke's on me.

Argh!

Ah!

You are nicked...sir!

- Unless we can work out a deal.
- No deals, Philippa.

James, we've just had a splendid
example of natural justice.

I think we should profit by it.

What the hell is going on?

- Did we disturb you with our haggling?
- Haggling?

Your husband has sweetly agreed to sell me

Crimson Cavalier.
We were just arguing about the price.

But I'm sure he's going to be reasonable.

(WHINNIES)

- Yes, Can I help you...?
- Hello.

- I'll get one of my assistants.
- No, just a second.

He really didn't know I was still here,
you know.

He was just as surprised
to see me as you were.

- I really couldn't be less interested.
- Or in him, either?

- Bill?
- Yes?

Can we use your office for a moment,
please?

OK.

He tells me that you never want
to set eyes on him again.

That's really none of your business,
is it?

Well, actually, I think it is,

as I made him an offer
he couldn't resist.

Unfortunately, he seemed
only too able to resist it.

But then he was still labouring
under the delusion

that there was an alternative. Whereas,
if you're serious about it being over...

No, I didn't say...

Look...I'm sure you find all this
very amusing,

but it's not a bloody game, you know?

I mean, what are you doing

manipulating us - people -
just to prove how clever you are?

Oh, no. I don't believe in manipulation.

I believe in taking people
for what they are...

or not taking them at all.

(KNOCKING)

Excuse me. Could I...?

Anyway, I'm going back to the mainland
for a couple of months.

If you could get together
a few details for me...

Then when I get back, I'll know
what properties are available, won't I?

(WHINNIES)

Ooh!

PHILIPPA: Beautiful, isn't he?

What's the matter with you?

All the time you were on the run,

I always ended up on the right side
of the law after our little...escapades.

Now you're a respectable person,

and I end up condoning - not one -
two serious crimes.

There's a moral in that somewhere.

James, it couldn't be more perfect!
I get the horse for a pittance,

Cockburn gets the stabling fee and keeps
Terry Budd on to look after the horse.

Everybody's happy except Ackerman,
How could the law improve on that?

And I've got to convince old Crozier

there's no point in our looking
for the kidnappers

without giving him a clue
as to the real reason.

James, I can't handle EVERYTHING!
I'm sure you'll do it beautifully.

Tell me about it when I get back.

Yeah, what is all this rush
to get back to the mainland?

Sergeant, dear, buying a horse and
arranging its upkeep all costs money.

I've had to eat heavily into my capital.

I'll have my work cut out
to replenish the coffers.

- Work? What work?
- Bye.

- Philippa!
- Bye!

Philippa! What work?

Oi!