Bergerac (1981–1991): Season 6, Episode 2 - Crossed Swords - full transcript

MAN: Come on, Pettit, work!

Come on, Bergerac, keep going.
Breathe and push! Keep going.

Breathe and PUSH.

- Keep it going.
- Ah-h...

How's the legwork?

Three miles a day.

Soft as a baby's behind, all of you.

- Weapons at nine tomorrow morning.
- Thank you very much(!)

It'd cost you twenty quid a session
down town.

Here, you're getting it
on the States Police for nothing.

This, er, do over at the fencing school,



they've just had some screwball
on the phone making a threat.

Knew all about it, did you?

- This course.
- The Bureau needs it. It's good for us.

Oh, yeah? You booked in yet, have you?

(CAR RADIO IS ON)

Don't forget, if you're at home,
stay glued to your television screens.

It's anniversary day
up at Les Mousquetaires,

and what a way to celebrate - they're
opening up the family burial vaults.

What will they find there? Well, keep
listening and we'll keep you posted...

You look very pretty.

Bergerac, States Police.

OK?

Thank you.

Sergeant Bergerac coming up.



ANNOUNCER ON TANNOY: So, there we are,
ladies and gentlemen...

an exhibition of what we at Les
Mousquetaires term "physical chess"...

the art of fencing.

Two Olympic medals there next time.
Jack Lefèvre.

Sergeant Bergerac.

I hope you've wasted your time,
if you see what I mean.

...The counter-disengage
and a demonstration of finger play.

Thank you very much.

JIM: You've no idea who made that call?

Just that "we're not getting away
with it", whatever that means.

- Somebody wants to spoil the party.
- Why would that be?

Success breeds enemies, Sergeant.

- I've really no idea.
- Jack, ready?

Help yourself to anything you want.

Hello, darling. That was terrific!

- Marianne, this is Sergeant Bergerac.
- Hello.

- How do you do?
- Jack!

- Come on!
- Excuse me.

- Aren't you going across?
- I'm supposed to be invisible.

I think that would be a pity.

Attendez ici.

Ne bougez pas.

The moment we've been waiting for is here.

Now, on this great day for Jersey,
and Les Mousquetaires,

the island's unique fencing school,

the brothers unlock the massive,
iron-framed door

to the family burial vaults
where generations of Lefèvres lie.

They would be proud today
of the brothers Jack and Alain,

who have made Les Mousquetaires one
of the premier fencing schools of Europe.

The brothers have, of course...

You don't approve, Sergeant?

- Dracula would have.
- It could have been worse.

We might have done it at midnight.

...undisturbed for 150 years.

A coffin holding the remains
of the brothers'greatest ancestor,

the duellist François Lefèvre.

Known as the last musketeer,

he was reputed to have killed
12 of Europe's finest swordsmen...

including Jean-Michel Roussillon.

The bigger the circus, the better,
The world runs on PR.

Alain Lefèvre carefully unscrews
the lid of the coffin.

Will the famous Marie Antoinette
duelling swords be there?

Of course they will.
Why else is the telly here?

Not necessarily, Sergeant.

The Roussillon duel was fought in secret.

Ha-ha! Of course it was(!)

- It's true.
- And the swords buried with the winner.

Yeah, but who was there?
It's like you say, it's a PR man's dream.

And a family nightmare.

We have been fighting over it ever since.

The brothers are really putting
their family pride on the line.

(LAUGHING)

Alain Lefèvre has something!

He has found something!
Are these the swords?

I spoke to the brothers a few minutes ago
before the ceremony began

and I know just how much
this moment means to them.

Mesdames et messieurs,
les épées Marie Antoinette!

Les épées Lefèvre!

MAN: It's a lie!

Roussillon!

Three days ago,

the grave of Jean-Michel Roussillon
was desecrated.

- The coffin was broken open.
- Paul, no!

Get him out of here!

Gentlemen, please, please...

- The swords were stolen from us.
- I'll kill you for this, Roussillon!

- Lefèvre!
- Alain.

Leave now.

- Leave.
- Who did it?

Which of you thieves came over
to rob us of our family honour?

Sergeant...

- Hey, that's enough. Come on.
- Forget the past, Paul, please!

You...

You...here!

What's a Roussillon doing
with rubbish

- like this?
- That's enough, sir, come on. Out!

- You phoned the house. You threatened.
- The swords were never in Jersey.

- The French police are investigating.
- Let's leave it there, Roussillon.

Jack Lefèvre doesn't want
to press charges.

Doesn't want to? He's afraid to!

If you've got no other business
in Jersey...

I have, Sergeant,
and you've wasted enough of my time.

Les Hôtels Roussillon.

Roussillon Hotels.
No doubt you have heard of us.

Stay away from the fencing school
or I'll pull you in. Have you got that?

Charming(!)

It's a French aristocrat, that, Peggy,

I thought we got rid of them
a long time ago. Susan's outside.

Is Crozier about?

I haven't seen you.

So what's all this about, then, eh?

- It's my half day, Jim.
- It was last week too, wasn't it?

Nice to see you.

Isn't it?

- (VOICE ON RADIO)
- Oops.

- (SWITCHES RADIO OFF)
- Should you be doing that?

I'm all yours.
Isn't that what you want?

Ah...

We're all on a training course,
"The Bureau is out of condition."

Poor Jim! Are you all right?

All part of the service. The people of
Jersey can sleep easier in their beds.

Never mind us policemen.
We'll make out.

Roussillon's a shark, everyone knows that.
Turning up here like that!

He means business this time.

- He can get stuffed. Where is he?
- Charles!

No, you've got to be firm with
these frogs, or they take advantage.

Now, where is he?

Oh...

Over there.

Right.

Charles Hungerford.

- We haven't met.
- This is Mr Hungerford.

He is my financial consultant.

- So...you are the one taking 7.5%,
- Eh?

You're on 7.5%
of the hotel profits.

I make it my business
to find out everything

about properties we intend to acquire...

...as Mrs Hayward knows.

Well, the hotel's not up for grabs,
we're not selling...

Shut up, Hungerford.

You will, of course,
remain maître d'hôtel.

You can keep him on as well.

I shall have to think.

- Dolly, tell him we're not selling!
- How much longer do you want?

We have your company's finances here
in detail.

I'll give you until this evening
to think about it...with your...

...advisers.

- You?
- Thank you. Well, why not?

- Throwing a dinner party?
- Well, it's just for two.

- Is the other party free?
- I think so, yeah.

- Somebody I know?
- No, someone I USED to know.

- Has she been invited yet?
- No, not yet.

- You're not sure she'd want to come?
- Oh, I'm sure she will.

I see.

All the villains in Jersey going
to take the night off, are they?

You wouldn't want to be called out halfway
through the main course, would you?

No, no, course you're right.

Stupid idea. I'll forget it.

I mean, no invitation's been sent out,
so nothing's lost, is there?

That's all right, then.

(PHONE RINGS)

Hallô.

Oui.

Of course. I knew you'd call.

Where?

I'll find it.

First blood, Roussillon.

Jamais!

- Bloody hell, Janice!
- What is it?

Look at this!

Blood, Roussillon. It's over.

To...the death!

(GUNSHOT)

- Damn!
- Yep.

Clear.

- Let's go again.
- We'll go again in five.

- No, now.
- In five.

- Oh, come on!
- Do as I bloody well tell you, Bergerac!

You're not swanning around the island now.

Ah, Jim, here you are.
How did you get on?

- Is Crozier in?
- Yes.

It's not easy once you pass
a certain age.

- Body slows up.
- Arteries harden.

- Joints get stiff.
- Eyesight goes.

Have you two finished those reports?
I want them on my desk

in five minutes.

- Can't take a joke.
- Sign of senility.

He's needling us, Barney.

- Oh, come off it!
- Well, he's uniform.

They like to make the Bureau look stupid.

We're out of condition.
It's got to be done.

- Who says?
- It comes from the Chief.

Oh, expecting an invasion of terrorists,
are we?

- Let's have the assault courses, then.
- There's somebody waiting to see you.

- Stun grenades, parachutes...
- Now!

- (DOOR SLAMS)
- Claude Raquin, Monsieur.

Yeah, What's your problem?

Monsieur Roussillon,
I cannot find him.

He left the hotel before dinner
last night

- and never returned.
- I suggested that he leave.

We had a meeting
for 9 o'clock this morning.

A Madame Dolly Hayward and her
financial consultant, Charles Hungerford,

to finalise the acquisition
of one of Madame's three hotels.

- The King Edward.
- When did you last see Roussillon?

Seven o'clock yesterday.

Er...his luggage, still in his room?

Oui. Our car is gone, that is all.

- Did he see anyone? Telephone?
- No.

There was a call.

It was about satisfaction.

(FENCING IN PROGRESS)

MAN: Step back...

Step back.

Step back...lunge.

En garde.

Lunge!

Step back.

Step back...

Step back...lunge!

En garde, Lunge!

Keep your head up. Reprise.

En garde. Step back,

Step back. Step back.

Lunge!

Reprise! Head up!

(LESSON CONTINUES)

Can we have a word?

- Practise amongst yourselves.
- Very impressive, that.

Thanks for looking in yesterday.

Did Roussillon come back here?

Balance! Push those knees apart.

Did you see him again?

You phoned Roussillon
yesterday afternoon.

What is this?

I'll ask you again, Monsieur Lefèvre.

Did you meet him again last night?

You see, Paul Roussillon is missing,

We're sorry to hear that.
Aren't we, Jack?

- Did you see him again?
- I wish I had,

I went to a lot of trouble
setting up that show.

You'd have looked pretty stupid
if the swords hadn't been there.

There was never any danger of that.

- No?
- Are you trying to tell me something?

Somebody robbed the Roussillon grave.

The swords were never there.

You mean Roussillon dug it up himself
to make believe they were there?

Jack, he's come here to fence with us!

Come on, Sergeant, feet at 90 degrees,
knees like springs.

Thumb, forefinger. Hup, hup!

Oh, done a bit, then, have we?
Well, now...

Alain! He has no mask.

Olà ! Where's your footwork,
Sergeant Plod? Eh?

Don't you policemen keep fit?

Sergeant.

Lesson number one -

never put anything past
a Roussillon.

- Leave it there, Alain!
- There's a call for you, Sergeant.

They're all the same.

He's a little charmer, isn't he,
brother Alain?

He hates us, Jack and me.

What's a Roussillon doing here?

What indeed?

I met Jack in Paris last year
at the fencing championships.

He thinks it's all so stupid,
the two families.

- You and Paul Roussillon...?
- Paul is my cousin.

Oh! Did YOU see him again yesterday?

What on earth would he want
to see me for? I am the family leper.

- In there, Sergeant.
- Thank you.

Bergerac. ...Hello, Ben.

Oh, dear. Where?

Yeah. Ten minutes.

You haven't moved him or touched anything?

No. The car's in neutral. No skid marks.

Sergeant! He was with me last night.

Sergeant, he was with me!

Don't waste our time.
You met Roussillon last night. Where?

Private, is it?
A private family matter?

The honour of the Lefèvres?

Well, murder isn't a private matter.

He slapped you.
We all know he slapped you.

Everyone on Jersey saw him slap you.

Jack...

...please...

sit down.

OK. Now, where did you meet?

Plairmont Beach.

- And you fought?
- Uh-huh.

- And you were alone?
- Mm-hm.

What about seconds? I thought
you people had to have seconds.

Alone...to first blood.

To the first wound,
then honour is satisfied.

But it wasn't.

Roussillon wouldn't stop.

He was French champion
at foil and épée for three years.

He couldn't conceive
of being defeated.

- So you were forced to kill him?
- No.

No?

You don't understand.

You bet I don't.

He was bleeding.

The swords were mine.
Why should I kill him?

I left him there. I left him
on the beach, on his knees.

- Bloody lunatics!
- He knew we'd pick him up right away.

- Why kill Roussillon?
- It was bound to end that way.

Got himself lumbered with a body.
The fool hadn't thought that far.

He wanted to end the feud.

Lock him up.
We charge him tomorrow.

They have asked me to look after
the estate for the moment.

I will keep you informed
of any family decisions.

Excuse me.

They don't speak to Marianne?

L'honneur, Monsieur.
Such a tragedy. Such a waste.

The King Edward Hotel deal?

We won't pursue it.

You said you were meeting
Dolly Hayward to fix it.

I suppose she wanted to sell, did she?

We were about to agree terms.

Whose terms would they be, then?

Look, Paul Roussillon had a reputation
for getting what he wanted.

Monsieur Paul is dead!

Please leave him alone.

He was going to get the hotel.
I want to know how.

The plane... I'm sorry...

Monsieur Raquin, it'll wait.

So, what can I tell you, Sergeant?

Roussillon had put an offer for the hotel
on the table, hadn't he?

Yes.

- Had you accepted?
- We are still chewing it over.

It's not the sort of place
you'd give up in a hurry, is it?

Yet Roussillon was very confident
you'd sell.

Where are you getting this from?

You were going to sell for £50,000
below the market value.

His secretary, Claude Raquin,
was drawing up a contract.

The hotel needs a lot of work, I couldn't
insist on the full market price.

Why didn't you insist
that Roussillon left?

Unless, of course, there was
something else on the table?

I think you'd better be careful, Sergeant.

If Roussillon had discovered
discrepancies, for instance,

between your actual
and declared turnover?

- You're becoming impertinent.
- Reduced dividends to shareholders?

And, at a conservative estimate,
£200,000...

going where?

Morning, Ben.

JIM: Morning, Bill.

Ah, fresh coffee!
Decaffeinated, I trust.

What on earth's got into you?

I'm rediscovering the joys of life, Peggy.

- You and Susan?
- Mm-hm.

Oh, I'm so pleased,
I've got something for you.

Now, then, where is it?

There it is.

Oh, great. Ta.

And may I suggest...

...that one?

And don't forget flowers.

(BRUMMIE ACCENT) We're cycling.
It's safer here than the Bull Ring.

Hmm, used to be. What is it?

It's this, actually.

We helped him back to his car,
Like The Three Musketeers, it was,

There was two of 'em,

- I know, I was just saying,
- Tell him properly,

You helped who to his car?

This bloke. On the beach.

Weren't half bleeding,
cussing away in French.

We're not getting involved.

- Janice!
- We've only got five days.

It's just like England -
you make a statement and you go.

That's right, mate, innit?

I've told him not to leave the island.

There will be a charge
of grave and criminal assault.

Now, we start again.

I already have.

Roussillon came over here
to get the King Edward Hotel,

any way he could,

(CAR APPROACHES)

Where have you been?
You weren't at the Bureau.

I do get a few minutes off
now and again, Charlie, you know?

Look...Jim, just what exactly
do you think you're doing?

- Doing, Charlie? Well, right now...
- I am lodging an official complaint

with the Law and Order Committee.
I'm telling you face to face.

OK, Charlie. Be seeing you.

Jim!

Open the door!

- I'm sorry, did you want to come in?
- You've got me to thank

for stopping Dolly Hayward going
straight to your Chief Inspector.

I am her financial adviser
and I won't have you accusing her

of improper practices
and insinuating God knows what else!

OK, Charlie. Come on.

We'll go down to the office. You are
"helping the police with their inquiries".

- Cut it out.
- In the car.

Don't do that!

I am asking you
to accompany me to the Bureau,

- Are you coming, or do I get a warrant?
- What?

In the car.

- Have you lost your marbles?
- Charlie, this is a murder inquiry.

Now, I suggest that you co-operate.

Roussillon?
Ah, well, that fellow Lefèvre...

Jack Lefèvre was released
two hours ago.

Eh...?

How long have you worked
for Dolly Hayward?

I've been acting in an advisory capacity.

- How long?
- Four weeks.

- Have you seen the books?
- Just the usual accountant's dodges...

- Which set of books did you see?
- Oh, really!

She's been fiddling the shareholders
right, left and centre.

You're just a front man.
She's been using you.

I'm can't be held responsible for
what happened before I joined her!

What do you know about
Dolly Hayward, anyway?

Thank you.

- MAN: Have a nice day.
- I will.

Come at me.

Come at me, Sergeant.

You're not trying, Sergeant.

You can't do this in your sports car,
can you, Sergeant?

You're not trying hard enough, Sergeant.

I read it,
I KNEW where it was coming from.

Again. Harder, faster.

Keep me guessing, Sergeant.

You're not doing very well,
are you, Sergeant?

Give it your best shot. It's not very good
but it's all you've got.

I'll wipe that smirk off your face.

And to begin with, crudités garnis!

- Where do I start?
- Er, just a sec.

Right, if you're ready?

Shouldn't we have
a bowl of sauce each?

Nous mangeons à deux,
if Madame will allow me.

Jim...

Four egg yolks,
sunflower and olive oil,

lemon juice and chopped green herbs
to season, All right? There you go.

Mmm!

Lovely.

It's healthy eating, Susan.

- Poor old thing. Still tough, is it?
- Jersey Police don't run to a masseur.

I could do with one.

The trick is not to let the butter burn.

The UNSALTED butter, that is.

Unsalted butter? Yeah. Yeah.

Hang on.

I've got a confession to make.

Yes, I know. Jim...

It's an aphrodisiac.

Sole.

I didn't realise that.

Hello, Alain.

Jack! I knew it.
Well, they had to let you go.

I mean, you couldn't have done it.
You...kill a Roussillon?

Oh, Jack, there's a meeting next week.
The trustees...

they want to make some changes.

I'll tell you later.

No, no, tell me now.

We're not fulfilling our potential, Jack.

- Come on, let's go.
- What have you been up to?

They're interested in a concept
called Village Mousquetaire,

an entertainment complex
surrounding the fencing school,

recreating the old traditions
of the musketeers.

- Oh, no!
- Tournaments, old-style duels.

Paying guests from all over the world?

We are not turning it into a circus.

It'll make a fortune.

Dolly's coming in with us.

No, I don't think so.

What's he got between the ears, eh?
I'm buying you out.

I should have stopped you
when you stole the swords!

Slander, Jack!

And in public as well.

You'll get Les Mousquetaires
over my dead body!

It's just like old times, isn't it?

Mmm.

It was a lovely dinner, Jim.

I didn't know you had it in you.

Stick around, I might surprise you.

Needs a woman's touch, this place,
doesn't it?

The phone hasn't rung yet, Sergeant.
What's wrong?

It's a terrible waste.

Got a double bed back there.

All the more room
to rest your aching muscles.

Oh, I'm in pretty good shape.

Good old Jim, subtle as an elephant.

- Susan...
- A woman's place is where? There?

- Oh, come on!
- My coat, please.

- Susan...
- You know the rules!

Look...

You never learn, do you?

The Chief?
Yes, of course, put him through.

Good morning, sir.

No, I'm sorry, Chief Inspector Crozier
isn't in yet.

(MOUTHS)

The training course. Yes, sir.

Optional...for everyone.

Yes, sir. I'm sure
Mr Crozier would have made that plain.

A memo, yes.

Jim, Dolly Hayward was living it up
last night...with Alain Lefèvre.

- It's all got to be above board.
- Of course it's above board!

Alain, all right!

There'll be questions
about Dolly's investments.

- We kept the hotel.
- Late breakfast, is it?

- Oh, what is it now, Jim?
- That's what I was going to ask you.

This is a business meeting,
I'll thank you not to interfere.

I'd like to see you down at the station,
Monsieur Lefèvre.

Just who do you think you are, Sergeant,
coming in here...?

You too, please, Mrs Hayward.

Now, look, Jim. I went through the figures
and I've absolutely nothing...

Not interested in the figures
at the moment. Can we go, please?

Just a minute, Jim.
I know what you're thinking...

- Mr Hungerford...
- We met Roussillon at the hotel,

me and Dolly.
That night, didn't we go on...?

Don't spoil the fun, Hungerford.
Sergeant Bloodhound is on a new scent.

It's not Jack, so it must be me.
Right?

How long they were there,
who with, right through. Got that?

- What's all this about Charlie?
- He reckons

he was with them both that night -
Dolly Hayward and Alain Lefèvre.

It's back to square one, then.

The French have been on
about those swords.

Looks like Alain paid the Roussillon
gardener to help him rob the grave.

Oh, surprise, surprise(!)

Let's sort it.
There's a plane at eleven.

I'm due in the gym.

And have another go
at that creepy guy, Raquin.

It's unarmed combat at 12 o'clock.

Unless it's optional, like the memo says.

- What memo?
- Memo, from the Chief, this morning,

We can't drop out now, can we?
I mean, we're just getting into shape.

I want you on that 11 o'clock plane.

- Did the gardener confess?
- Ah, non.

He tried to sell an ornamental dagger
with the Roussillon crest on the hilt.

- The description fits Alain Lefèvre.
- He threatened to kill Monsieur Paul.

The Roussillon house
is still in a state of shock.

JIM: Who's head of the family now?

RAQUIN: Marianne Roussillon is
the first cousine, of course.

- Bonjour, Monsieur.
- Hello.

- Bonjour, Monsieur Raquin.
- Le jardinier est ici?

Oui, Monsieur.

The family have been in Paris
since Monsieur Paul's death.

The solicitor, you understand.

The gardener, he has been with
the family for two generations.

You appreciate, it is not him
the family want to prosecute.

- Can I get anyone a drink?
- Mais non, Monsieur.

- Bonjour, Robert.
- Bonjour, Monsieur le Commissaire.

- Assieds-toi.
- Merci.

Whenever you're ready, Sergeant.

INSPECTOR: Est-il parmi ceux-ci?

Je ne sais pas. Je ne suis pas sûr.
Monsieur le Commissaire.

Vous savez...mes yeux...

Ma vue n'est pas très bonne.
Je ne vois pas très bien.

Mesdames et messieurs,

les épées Marie Antoinette.
Les épées Lefèvre!'

- Ah! Le voilà. C'est lui!
- Certain?

Oh, oui, c'est lui. C'est certain.
Je le reconnais bien.

Il m'a payé, il m'a donné de l'argent.
Il n'y a pas de doute, C'est lui.

Alain Lefèvre?

Bon. Merci, Albert.

Au revoir et merci.

Monsieur Raquin.

Merci, Sergeant.

We would like to keep the tape.

Of course.

If there is anything
you can hold Lefèvre on

until we can get a warrant issued?

- I'll see what I can do.
- We would be obliged. Merci.

Twice ladies' world champion, eh?

She could be your new boss.

It's possible.

Don't you approve?

It would be most ironic.

Everybody's gone, Jim.

- Oh, Just me on unpaid overtime, is it?
- There's a message for you.

Confirmed - Alain Lefèvre WAS in
The Showboat throughout that evening.

How long ago did Barney leave?

He should be home by now.
Don't forget to lock up.

Oh, how was France?

(JIM SIGHS)

MARIANNE: Jack! Please don't!

Jack!

Jack! Jack, please!

He's not worth it!

Sergeant! They've locked themselves in.
They're fighting.

Jack!

Sergeant, please!

- Is there another way in?
- No.

(SHOUTS FROM OTHER SIDE OF DOOR)

JACK!

He'll live.

My God!

- He's getting away.
- He's not going anywhere.

He'll be all right.

- Get an ambulance.
- Did you get one for Paul?

Roussillon was here that night, wasn't he?

Don't be ridiculous, Sergeant.

He came back here after the duel
on the beach, eh, Jack?

He was bleeding and vindictive
and you were the person he hated most.

A Roussillon who'd run off with a Lefèvre
and disgraced the family name.

You are letting Alain get away.

Emergency. Which service?

Oh, can you help me, please?
There's been an accident.

- What do you think you are you doing?
- I spoke to the family solicitor today.

Paul had instructed him
to draw up a new family document.

It only needed his signature.

and you would have been
cut out of the estate completely.

Take your hand off.

He came back here that night to tell you
what he was going to do, didn't he?

Marianne! Tell him.

- No, Jack.
- Then I must.

- Don't, Jack!
- That evening...

- No!
- ...I came from the beach...

Get an ambulance.

You came back from the beach and found
what, Jack? Found Roussillon here?

- Had she already killed him?
- He provoked it.

- Shut up, Jack,
- Didn't leave you much time, did it?

Just enough to try and...

...try and fake an accident.

He called me a whore...
a cheap whore.

I'm not taking that.

He cut me off.

Come on, Paul, do it properly.

You shouldn't have much trouble
with a cheap whore like me.

Marianne, no!

MARIANNE!

NO!

- You bloody fool!
- Take a look at Jack.

I told you to wait.

I thought it was optional, Barney,
you know, without a memo.

I've pulled out of it, Jim.

Sounds wise.

Well, Village Mousquetaire...

- I always had me doubts.
- Well, of course, you would.

No hard feelings, eh?

Nice to see you back
on the straight and narrow, Charlie.

Now just a minute, Jim,
there was nothing...!

I won't stand for that on the island.

I still report to
the Law and Order Committee.

- (KNOCK AT DOOR)
- Charlie, would you mind?

Jim? Where is he?

What happened? Is he all right?

Oh, they said you were...

Are you all right?

What are you grinning at?

It's NOT funny!