Bent (2012): Season 1, Episode 2 - Smitten - full transcript

You're frustrated,
aren't you,

that we haven't...
done the deed.

Nobody's looking
at the calendar here.

We are a month in.

So if that's any sort of
milestone for you...

You know it's just logistics,
right?

We could always...

I'm not gonna have sex
in your plane.

Okay. Please?

It's not safe.

I have autopilot, parachutes,
and condoms.



It's safe.

It's gonna happen...
on the ground.

And it's gonna be
mind-blowing.

Mind-blowing, huh?
Way to undersell.

- What are you doing?
- Working late.

Under the house.
Going the extra mile.

You dropped your phone
through the hole

in the kitchen floor again,
huh?

Maybe.

Hey, I found this
old-school comb under there.

Dibs if that's cool.

Anything you find
under the house

you can keep, okay?

I trust you'll be discrete
about...



The weird no-sex thing?

Yeah, I won't say a word.

Clem, on the other hand,
is a huge gossip.

Who you calling a gossip?

You told Sheila Enzer
I got with her sister.

Sheila asked me
a direct question, all right?

I'm not gonna lie.

That would be a threat
to my sobriety.

It's always a threat to your
sobriety when it's juicy.

I didn't say anything about
that doubles three-way you had

with those folks
down at the surf shop, did I?

- Unbelievable.
- Unbelievable is right!

Those folks were 45 years old.

What happened to the movie?

Joffrey got scared
and tossed his snack.

- Aw, reflux, buddy?
- Diagnosed at two.

But symptoms
presented earlier.

It wasn't pretty.
I caught some sno-cap shrapnel.

I don't know if I can
in the game Saturday.

My heart's beating
like a rabbit.

You can't skip
another baseball game.

Man up!
The other kids are talking.

Coach?

I'll put you out
in right field.

I coach the venice gondoliers.

Gooo gondos!

You know, I...

It used to be my dad,
but he's incarcerated.

Well, I'm sure he's gonna
get out real soon.

Why? Did you hear
he was coming home early?

No, no.

Well, I'm not familiar
with particulars of this case.

- She's messing with you.
- Okay.

Hazing the new guy.
Fair enough.

Can we go play Wii?

- Sure.
- Well...

- If mom's good with that.
- Yeah.

Benjamin!

Apologies for being debajo
the house.

No conozco que tu hablas
espanol.

Wha... what?

Hey, uh,
between just us dudes...

Come again?

I wanna tell you something
between just us dudes.

Oh, sure.
Yeah.

You've got Charlie issues.

She'll warm up to me.

She doesn't seem
like a fan.

And Alex needs her to sign off

before the deed happens,
you know?

30 days.

Huh.

Um, between just us dudes,

you got kinda dusty
on your little comb hunt.

Sorry the whole
plane sex thing got negged.

It's all good.

I still got a plane.

There's nothing wrong
with that.

Beer?

- And the coke?
- Whoops.

Club soda.

Oh, uh, son,
not to be a nudge,

but remember I need a ride to
my acting class tomorrow night.

I'm teaching again.

Gary'll take you.

Yes, of course
I'll chauffer your dad.

I'm a carpenter's apprentice.

Excellent attitude,
Gary.

Thank you, Gary.

Gentlemen,
if you'll excuse me,

I've been
called into the game.

He's a 6'4" shooting guard.

The pride of venice
out of itt tech.

Pete Riggins!

Oh, God, I wish these jeans
were tear-away.

Hey.

- Buy a guy a drink?
- Excuse me?

Fine, I'll buy you one.

- Those are killer earrings.
- Thank you.

Those are killer earrings.

Natalie.

Has he invited you
to check out the sunset

on the roof yet?

The view, like your earrings,
is killer.

Care to join me?

I'm the ex.

He gambled away
my engagement ring.

In my defense, I had
no intention of marrying her.

She's hot, but bipolar-y.

You, on the other hand,
seem like a really...

Later.

Oh, I feel bad.
Do I owe you a skank now?

Are you ever gonna return
my green shirt?

- I love that shirt.
- Molly sleeps on it.

How is my dog?

Looks more and more like you
every day.

I heard you were
dating a guy in Pasadena.

I didn't even think
that was a real place.

Yeah.
It's full of cheating bastards.

Just like here.

Just so you know,
I never cheated on you.

- Emotionally.
- Mm.

- Buy a guy a drink?
- Really?

Fine, I'll buy.

Heard you turned down
airplane sex.

Clem mentioned it.

The worst part is...
Coming up on a year.

Oh, I've gone a year
without airplane sex.

No, no.
No sex.

- This Saturday, a year.
- What?

- Is that even safe?
- It's actually extremely safe.

Okay.
You need to take some action.

I keep trying to,
but Joffrey's killing me.

It's like the third time
that kid's puked on my mojo.

You gotta get
out of this house.

- Book a hotel room.
- An away game.

I like it.
I like it.

- Viceroy's good.
- Or a cute bed and breakfast.

Oh, God, no.
Alex, nobody wants banana...

Pancakes!
How good would that be?

After a night of lovin'.

Pancakes? Alex, really?
That's what your body's craving?

Molly.

Hey!

Why are you in your
crying corner?

I can't believe
we slept together.

I'm so self-destructive.

Wait, are you talking about
the same last night?

I mean, that thing you did
where you lifted me up,

that was... insane.

I'm fine.

Don't feel like you have
to stay or anything.

- Let's have dinner tonight.
- You don't have to do that.

It'll be great to catch up.

Sweet.

Ha! Ha, ha!
Molly! Mwah!

Damn it!
You had sex with Natalie.

We may rekindled last night
and once again this morning.

- Come on, now!
- Whoo.

You know you swimming into
a rip current of tears, right?

You only go back to her
when you're in a bad place.

I'm in a good place.

Is it because Alex
has a boyfriend?

Is it because you're smitten?

Who is smitten?

Oh, nobody. I was just
trying out a white-person word.

Smitten.

Ha. It's not for me.

Dog a new hire?

Yeah, that's Gary's
replacement.

Are you going to lock her
in the porta-potty

like you did me
on my first day?

Molly lives
with my ex-girlfriend.

Oh, did we have degrading sex
with the ex last night?

Define degrading.
My bar is pretty high.

You're not in a good place.
Feeling fat in your wet suit.

I hear you and the red baron
are going to a hotel room.

- Clem!
- If I hold it in, it festers.

Actually, we're going
to a bed and breakfast.

- Bad call.
- Old people.

Too quaint.

What's the latest
on you fixing my sink?

The part is coming in
from tempe... Arizona.

Well, let me know when
it's in Venice... California.

Smitten.

I've got a surprise
for our friday date.

Me too.

I shot an email to Charlie,

and I hope I didn't
cross a line here,

but, uh... I invited her
to hang out with us that night.

That's gonna be
a little weird,

'cause I booked us a b&b.

I like your surprise
better.

Why would you make plans
with Charlie?

Well, I just... I thought

you wanted me to get
to know her better before we...

Have sex?
That's a little creepy, Ben.

Ha, yeah, you're right.
I'll cancel on her.

I never do that.

Hello.
Welcome.

I don't mean to be a dick.
I appreciate the ride.

But classes are 25 bucks
a pop.

25 bucks?

Welcome, everyone.

Welcome to forged by fire,
scene study with Walt Riggins.

- Why are you here?
- Pete made me.

Shut the door!

My driver.

You're here because
you're gonna be actors.

And you are going on a journey.
A journey of a lifetime.

And it may indeed
take a lifetime

for you to reach
your full potential...

As an actor.

I'm doing my best work now
at 53.

What...

What can I give you?

Here's what I can give you.
I can give you a safe space.

A place where
you can get in touch...

With your original premise.

Because here, people...

Here, it's about you.

I've got a big
commercial audition.

Who'd like to run lines
with me?

I prefer a female.

Okay, so it's my second year
of medical school.

And, Charlie,
you like gross stuff, right?

Mm-hmm, I love it.

Okay, great.
You're gonna love this.

So, um, we're studding
the thoracic wall.

Pericardium.
Blah, blah... boring stuff.

But I'm psyched because
we totally get

to cut into the heart.
All right?

So we cut and cut,
and then I hold up, in my hand,

the heart of a fetal pig.

How cool is that?

You killed a pig?

- No, no, it was already dead.
- Is that what "fetal" means?

No, no, "fetal" is like
a baby, only younger...

That's been taken
from it's mom's...

I knew I should've gone with
the story about the flip phone

that I found in that guy's...
Anus.

No, not right either.

Somewhere between dead pig
and this fellow's anus.

That's where you wanna be.
But you'll get it.

Aah!
Oh, my God!

Can you see if my...

Well, I'm leaving right now.
Okay.

Oh, my...
Ah, no.

I was just about to call you.

I got a crisis on the job.

We don't have to do this.

No. No, no, no.
Don't... go to the corner.

If you're seeing someone else,
just say it.

'Cause I will find out.

I am not seeing anyone else.

What are you doing Saturday?
You wanna do beach day?

I would've been here sooner,

but it's hard to ride your bike

when you're drinking
a milkshake.

Toss that for me?

Crackerjack job
on the sink, there, buddy.

What time's the stove set
to detonate?

This baby just
came in from tempe.

Liar.
You forgot to order it.

- Clem told you?
- No, you just did.

- Damn it.
- Really? A motorcycle.

- Top gun for you?
- I love motorcycles.

- No, you don't.
- Most women do.

No, they don't.

Had a guy come into the E.R.
Motorcycle crash.

Lost all his skin.
You could see his femur.

Ben.

Okay, excellent assisting,
Chuck.

Thank you.

Nice wing.

I was all city,
venice high.

Class of '96.
Asterisk ged.

- How we doing in here?
- We need a pitcher.

The coach is supposed to do it,
but mom keep beaning the kids.

Yeah, they keep crowding
the plate.

So how about coming
to my game tomorrow?

Sure.

I keep pulling
a lot of balls foul.

Well, you're probably
stepping into the bucket.

I might be able to help.

Led the ivies in ribis.

Power from both sides
of the plate.

Switch hitter.
No comment, too easy.

You played baseball
at dartmouth?

Well, when I wasn't chugging
natty lights

in the basement of Chi Gam.

Chi Gam?

I feel like I went there
for a winter carnival

and they had flooded
the basement.

And turned it into
an ice rink.

Yes!
That's so crazy!

I can't believe
you were there.

I was.

I mean, I don't remember
anything.

- A word, please.
- I'm kinda busy right now.

It'll just take a minute.

You're welcome.

The whole fake geyser thing to
save you from the horrible date.

Hey, you're delusional.

And you're not pulling off
that jacket.

I think we both know
that's a lie.

Oh, and by the by,
he's not a closer.

Yeah, no, I'm not feeling him.

Oh, it's gonna happen.

- I can't hear you.
- Sex with Ben will happen.

And it'll probably be amazing.

Damn, I flooded it.

Probably be amazing?

When did we downgrade
to "probably"?

A little respect.

A client is talking
to her contractor.

- What's up, babe?
- Stay out of my sex life.

What sex life?

Oh!

Ugh!

Are you aiming at this?

What do you think
I'm doing wrong?

- Pitching.
- Ben had a tough night.

- Are you off Ben?
- No.

He tried to wow Charlie
with this med school story

that ends up in this weird
pig abortion area.

Hmm.

You know who's great
with Charlie?

Why are you obsessed
with Pete?

Look at him,
he's incredible.

What a specimen.

Okay, he's not doing himself
any favors right now.

Hey, Riggins!

That's a hose,
not an outdoor shower.

Just... ridiculous!

I'll shoot you an estimate.

Thank you.

Went very well, Gary.

Very well.

Oh, Lawrence.

Is that what you're wearing?
No, I'm just kidding.

You carry it off.

To the xterra.

Hey, are you up?

Are you auditioning?

- Oh, no, no, he's my driver.
- I'm a carpenter.

Apprentice.

- A genuine carpenter.
- Apprentice.

Hmm, he's young,
but a different way to go.

Do you have a second
to come talk with us?

Sure.

Um... um...

Come to think of it,

I can do it without the,
uh, Southern twang.

I don't... um, you know,
we have to get going.

Got your text.
What's going on?

He was crying, so I felt
weird just leaving him.

Ha, 45 years...

I have honed my craft,
and they give it to that kid?

- I mean, what's he done?
- Nothing.

No-thing!

Grease in High School.

But the chorus.
Chorus.

Dad, you wanna switch
to beer?

You know, it's 1:00 P.M.

Get that...
Ginger Judas out of here please.

I feel like maybe
I messed up a little bit.

No, you nailed it.

Well, this is technically
overtime.

But that's a Monday
discussion.

It's what you do, you know.

Thief.

Remember that time
I visited you

on the set of China beach?

I played a blind mechanic.

They asked you back
for six episodes.

There would've been more
but Dana Delany and I

had a thing.

It never consummated,
but it distracted her.

Mm.

I have a ton of memories
like that.

Ah, thanks for trying
to buck me up, son,

but, you know, I don't need
to be led down memory Lane.

Remember Herman's head?

Thank you.
I do.

Crap, dad.
I gotta go to Charlie's game.

But we're gonna hang
when I get back, okay?

Okay, but, hey,
don't get thrown out.

Remember, you used to always
get thrown out.

I do.

Yeah, you'd come home.
You were all...

Just frustrated.

Your eyes were all red.

Well, I was high, dad,
you know.

I was always high.

Remember that time I played

that drug addict
on picket fences?

Yeah.
Yeah, no, I do.

That's it, guys.

That's the way we do it,
all right.

All the way left, buddy.
Let's go!

Let's go, look sharp!

All right, gondoliers,
we got two down, two down!

Nice snag on that one-hopper,
Charlie, all right?

Hey, joffrey.

It's just a gnat, okay?
Hang in there, all right?

That'll be all, Ben.

- Here comes the heat.
- I got this.

Why don't you go look
for a hairbrush

underneath the bleachers,
huh?

It's the fifth inning.

Hey, I had a crisis
with my dad.

- Did you get my text?
- Liar.

I swear to...
I texted you.

Ever since my phone
dropped under the house,

it's been acting sketchy.
Just give me the rock.

- Have you been drinking?
- Nope.

- Seriously.
- One beer.

And another one after that.
But I'm good.

Oh, he's muscle memorized
the dui test.

Yeah, let's put him
around kids.

If anything, I'm looser.

Look, guys,
I didn't even do...

- Uh-oh.
- Forget about our date?

Hmm?

Your dad told me
you were here.

- Mom, what's going on?
- I got this, Charlie.

What is going on?

- Don't worry about it.
- Don't worry about it?

- Who's Daisy Duke?
- What'd you say to me?

That sounded mostly
like a compliment to me.

I was...

Is this the emergency
you had last night?

I had to fix a pipe.

Now you're pitching
at her kid's game.

- You bastard!
- Hey, hey, hey!

Looked worse than it was.
Wearing flip-flops!

Could you guys please
take your domestic dispute

off the field.

I can't believe you're
banging another client.

What? God, no!

I'm not having sex with her.
And just "no" is fine.

Who's banging who?

Nothing but ear,
nothing but ear.

Come on, Molly.
Let's go.

She seems great.

Can somebody just pitch,
please?

Give him the rock.
Now.

Hit the showers, mate.

Two down, gondoliers!
Two down!

Let's go, let's look sharp!

You threw a no-hitter.

Even against kids,
that's still pretty hot.

Yeah, well,
I just wanna thank God,

my teammates.

Especially joffrey.

Did it for the sex,
didn't you?

We are 36 days in.
I would've bought Charlie a car.

She's at Screwsie's.

Hold that thought.

Everything all right?

Yeah, it's just a text
from Pete.

On a Saturday night?

Actually it's from
this afternoon.

His phone's sketchy.

Is there something going on
with you guys?

What?

Well, his ex seems
to think so.

Who cares what she thinks?

Did you see that body
by the way?

It's, like, so lean.
What do you even hold onto...

Other then the big boobs?

You didn't answer
my question.

I'm not into Pete.

Are we gonna do this,
or what?

Call me tomorrow.

Seriously?

And then she slapped me.

I don't know, Natalie and I
together are just chaos.

And... that's not a good ride
for me anymore.

So I thought I should come
to a meeting.

Uh-oh.

Pipe wrench, please.

It's not even close.
Pinot, please.

It's after midnight.
I went a year without sex.

Oh, that can't be safe.

It's actually
extremely safe.

It sucks.

You know, most of the time

I'm a pretty good influence
on Chuck.

Yeah, you should open
a charter school.

She's more resilient
than you think.

You're telling me
about my kid?

Just one contractor's
opinion.

How come you can't go
ten seconds

without saying
something annoying?

You inspire me.

Pipe's done.

Did you fix it right
this time?

Wasn't even broken.

What? Really?

Really.

It's almost as if someone
called me at midnight

with... ulterior motives.

Why didn't you tell me
about Ben?

- What?
- I worked here for, like, a week.

- You never talked about him.
- Never came up.

Who's the liar now?

No! God, no.

Just "no" is fine.

- I just can't...
- You want to, but can't.

No, I get it.

No, get over yourself.
That's not what I said.

I was cheated on,
and I'm not gonna cheat on Ben.

So if Ben wasn't
in the picture?

Just take the no.

Sounds like a no
with an asterisk.

- It's not.
- Like a diploma.

No, I'm not interested.

Text me later
when you change your mind.

Not gonna happen.

My phone's still sketchy.

So don't freak if I take a while
to hit you back.

Wow.

Damn it! I flooded it.

Ha, look at them.

And the director said
I might even get a trailer.

Those two
are smitten.

Smitten.
I like them.

You're so funny.

Wait.
What the hell?

♪

Really?