Bent (2012): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot - full transcript

Hey.

Where are you going?

To get us some breakfast burritos.

Maybe do a little surfing first.

Are you a surfer, Tami?

Tara.

Too soon for nicknames?

My god.

Charlie.

Charlie, wake up,
we can't keep doing this.

Hey, you fell asleep
in my bed.



I just came in to check on you.

- Mom...
- Okay, fine.

I can't get used to this house.

It makes weird noises at night.

- Pull it together.
- I will, i will.

Let's go.

I lost the whole five grand.

Bottom line,
I never should have split tens.

I hear that.

Hear that.

Uh...

I thought we said 9:00.

Hi, I'm Pete.
You must be Alex.

I'm sorry I'm late,
I was on another job.



Was it in the ocean?
You smell like salt water.

Thank you.

More of an accusation
than a compliment.

All right,
I'm gonna take a mulligan here.

Hi, I'm Pete.

I am sorry I'm late.
I was surfing.

Those dimples don't make you
any less late.

Come on, they make me
a little less late, no?

No.

So I got your name
from Brad and Cindy Tate.

Oh, the Tates.
Yeah, cool.

I had to hand that job over
to my foreman.

- I got real busy.
- I thought Brad fired you

'cause you were sleeping
with cindy.

Yeah, that was a factor, too.

Can I be honest?

Doesn't seem like it.

The Tate thing wandered
into a moral gray area,

but have you seen their kitchen?

I knocked it out of the park.

So these are the plans.

Uh, I want to redo everything.

Floors, ceilings, new cabinetry,
new appliances,

I was gonna ask you
about blasting through this wall

to create
an open dining space.

Uh, this house has
awesome bones.

Yes, I just got divorced.
Recently, riv... so...

That's kind of
a non-sequitur.

Uh, so your ex
got the old house.

No, he got a smaller place,
in prison.

Uh, he's not in
for anything violent

or jealous in nature,
I hope.

Insider trading,
but at least

he gave the money
to his mistress.

And you let him
get away.

Listen, Pete,
if you get this job

it's 'cause you're good
and you're cheap.

I've got a full plate... I'm not
looking for anything else.

- Anything else?
- Tate-like.

I... I mean,
am I holding two wine glasses,

or are my pants off?
I mean,

is there a bowl of my homemade,
killer guac in front of you?

- Does that really work?
- Yes, it does, so...

I'm just saying,
there'll be no monkey business.

Oh, no, no, no.
I hate monkey business.

Yeah, I never use that phrase.
Um, so, uh...

I can get you the numbers
by Friday.

Thursday.

That doesn't give me
much time.

Surf less.

Dining room's this way.

It's a cherry job. She wants
to redo the whole kitchen.

You know what?
That's awesome.

Did you tell her
that your crew quit on you

about six months ago?

Thank you for bringing up
the elephant in the room.

Guys, as part of my recovery,
I'd like to apologize

for any damage
I may have caused

while in the throes of
my gambling addiction.

You sold my van
on the craigslist.

That van was holding you back,
vlad.

But I get it.
No, I get it, and I...

Guys, I just want another chance
you be your contractor.

So you've been
running the crew.

- How's that going?
- Good, real good.

Oh, yeah?
And who's this ginger gentleman?

Gary.

I was just
introduced to you.

He's my new
carpenter's apprentice.

Oh, and where
is my carpenter, David?

- Oh, I fired him.
- I also seem to be missing

my painter
and my tile guy.

I fired them all,
they were all back-talkers.

- Back talk?
- I couldn't tolerate it.

Nope, nope, nope.

Morale's not great.

Maybe it'd feel good

to just be an electrician
for awhile, clem.

You know something, Pete?

It's not just
your gambling.

Cindy Tate!

Things I saw in that pool
house, things I can't forget.

I thought the door was locked,
vlad, okay?

It was weird for me, too.

Guys, let's just leave
the past in the past, okay?

We were a great crew once...

Except for you, I'm...
Not familiar with your work,

but just give me a chance
to make us great again.

What do you got to lose?

You got one chance.

Mmm!
Let's pile on the rig, boys.

Just like old times.

Thought we were doing it.

We'll get dinner first.
We'll pile on tomorrow.

Yes, Bob,
of course I know

what "inadmissible evidence"
means.

Bob, you're yelling.

Bob?

He hung up.

So what does this Pete
look like?

Why do you keep asking
about him?

I met with several other
contractors.

He's hot, isn't he?

A delightful lesbian
named big Deb

did a walk-through
this morning,

and she left
her chewing tobacco.

How's the bod?

How's your
daytime Tequila drinking?

It's saturday.

No, it's... it's not.

Hey, I don't hear playing.
Recital's in a week.

- I'm not doing it.
- What's going on?

I don't know.

Ms. Terry and...

Okay, now just
hold that thought.

You're not off the hook.

This is Bob, and he's a screamer
and he swears.

I'm gonna take it
in the kitchen.

I hate Pachelbel.

Wait until you hear it
at five weddings in one summer.

Why the fleetwood Mac?
Did something bad happen?

Lost my chariot, son.

Those sons of bitches
at farmwide

cut off
my car insurance.

For non-payment?

Sons of bitches.

It was either pay them
or my voice lesson teacher.

Well,
your hands were tied.

They can't get me down.
I bend, never break.

- How was work, dad?
- It's a department store.

Daily wake-up call to
rededicate myself to my craft.

Rereading my uta hagen.

And Lynn...
Lynn's coming over later.

We're going to do
some sense memory work.

Is that
what you're calling it?

Yes, it is. What's our
contraception situation?

Uncomfortable.
Yeah, awkward.

Separate.

I'm gonna need a ride
to sav-on.

That's her house, boys.

Look at that gold mine.

Big Deb.

She's putting in a bid.

Isn't that the dude
who stole

the Douglas fir two-by-fours
out of your truck?

She's the dude.

- I'm gonna get the nail gun.
- No nail gun, all right?

Stay frosty, clem.
I got this.

Suck it, Riggins.

Couldn't help but notice
that your front yard

smells like
a dodger's dugout.

She came in
with a very competitive bid.

- Lower than yours.
- Really?

Mm-hmm.

See that?
That's dry rot.

I smelled it
during the walk-through.

Did Deb tell you about
your mainline blob rust?

She's gonna Jack you up
with change orders.

That's how contractors roll.
They're shady.

They have sex with your wife.
They go to rehab for gambling.

I'm just looking for
a fresh start.

Isn't that
what you're doing?

I am
a damn good builder.

Give me the job and I promise
you'll be stoked.

- Stoked?
- Stoked.

- Monday, 7:00 A.M.
- Awesome.

- 8:00 would be better, if it...
- No, no.

I... you know,
I can do 7:00. I'll do...

Damn it, she's got.

Get your money up front,
boys.

All right, boys,
all the way in the back.

- Morning.
- Sorry I'm late.

Yeah, way to solidify
low expectations.

Charlie,
say hi to Pete.

Do you have
a nail gun?

Clem's got it.
He's my gunner.

Could he accidentally
shoot this piano?

Oh, he'll accidentally shoot
a lot of things, lady.

- He will?
- I don't think so.

Hey, you ready
to do some bodysurfing?

Hey.

Uh, her suit and her sun block
are in the bag.

- Oh, do you have yours?
- Yep. Right here.

I think I see it.

Let's go.

Bye.

- Bye, mom, love you.
- Bye, love you.

So before you go,
I was looking at the plans.

What do you think about
adding a skylight?

You're already trying
to screw me with change orders?

Language, please.
Vlad's a virgin.

I have sex, I just don't
make you watch it.

Morning, vlad.

I just think it would be nice
to let in a little so-Cal light.

I'll do it gratis.

I'm going more
for a San Francisco feel.

Kind of a stuck-up,
second-rate vibe?

Guess my hometown giants
didn't win the world series?

Yeah, with pitching.

It's just so
northern Californian.

What a bad boy.

Tell me you don't
think about him.

I think about
getting my brief done.

I think about why
my daughter is...

Hold the phone

did I hook up
with that guy?

What'd you say
his name was?

Pete... Riggins.

Not that a last name
would mean anything.

Screws? Screwsie, please don't
interact with the crew.

Screw...

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey...

Seriously? Neither of you
can remember if you've had sex?

Did you go as a mermaid
for Halloween last year?

No.

You kite-surf
at seal beach?

No. Do you bartend
at Kelly's?

No, but I know who you're
talking about, and thank you.

I don't think
we slept together.

- Nah.
- Bravo.

Oh, yes,
the lack of palpable shame.

It's all very '60s.

You can ignore her... she's
a diagnosed serial monogamist.

Oh, no, no, no.
Totally.

I can smell the repression.
You know what I mean?

Hey.
I love sex.

I just think
it's more meaningful and wild

if you actually
know the person's name.

- Susie, by the way.
- Pete.

Hey,
get back to work.

I'm trying.
You keep talking about

how much
you love wild sex.

It's a little
distracting, you know?

Screws, you gotta...
We should...

There's a lot of airborne dust
in here,

and you're
not wearing a bra.

Okay, you've taken
400 pictures of the ocean.

What's going on?

Dad called me earlier.

He sounded melancholy.

Really?
You want to talk about it?

He said he's going bald.

He can't take
his Propecia in there.

It's sad.
It... is.

You know what?
He's gonna be fine.

Let's see.
Let's take one of us.

Okay.

Hi, guys.

Whoo!

New tool belt, huh?

Look at
all those fancy tools.

And nope,
you don't need this.

- You don't need that.
- Don't need this.

- Don't need that.
- Don't need this.

Yeah, you definitely
don't need that right there.

- This.
- And that.

Are all you really need.

And, Gary,
we all love bagels.

Is this
what it's gonna be like?

No, it's probably gonna get
a lot worse.

Charlie climbed up
on the roof.

Do you guys
have a ladder?

Here, let me go.
It's higher than it looks.

- I got it.
- May want to lose the heels.

I've climbed
a ladder before.

Uh, could...
Could you put me down?

Or thank you.

It seems like you
could be climbing right now.

G...

Oh, yeah,
these boots are super-grippy.

Almost too much.

Did you come up here
to piss off your mom?

Because
I fully support that.

I'm taking pictures
of the neighborhood...

For my dad.

No pictures of vlad, okay?
He's not entirely legal.

Okay.

You miss your pops?

I'm fine.

You know, when I was a kid,
my dad went away for six months.

Your dad
went to prison, too?

Godspell.
Uh, pacific northwest tour.

I totally freaked out my mom,
coming up here.

She's got enough
on her plate.

Don't tell her I was taking
pictures for my dad, okay?

I'm down with secrets.

Hardly anybody
knows about my D.U.I.

How did you get up here?
Helicopter?

The trellis.

Well,
no thank you, lady.

How about we wuss out
and take the ladder down?

All right,
you go first.

No!

All right,
I'll go first.

There we go.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

- What were you doing up there?
- Well, she's a climber.

You know?
Clearly, it skips a generation.

Go on inside.
Simone's waiting for you.

Okay.
Sorry, mom.

Thank you
for getting her.

You know
how we should celebrate?

Skylight in the kitchen.

You saved my kid
for a change order?

I just think you could use
a little sunshine in your life.

Ugh.
Cheesy much?

Only after hero moments.
You can just call me, "911."

How about "spackle boy?"

"Pete roofwalker."
That also works.

God, I wish
I had my shades.

Doubt remains,

but here's to Captain Pete
on a good first week.

To Pete,
a man among men!

- To Pete!
- Yes, come on, now.

And I am going to continue
my conversation with big red.

She's only
shot me down once.

Round two, then.

I am bent, not broken.
Gentlemen.

He has got
so much confidence.

Yeah,
Malibu rum and Cialis.

All right, I'm gonna get
another round.

Uh, Gary, give me a 20.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

I'm Charlie's
baby-sitter.

Yeah.
What's up?

What time is it?

Huh?

Oh, I have to
be at work.

Oh.
Relax... um... baby.

It's, uh, it's saturday.

Let me buy you
a breakfast burrito.

I work saturdays,
I can't be late.

She fires people.

Alex?
No, she's all bark.

No, she bites.
I'm her third nanny this year.

Really?

Do you think she'd be
pissed at me?

Are you kidding me? I had to
reschedule a deposition.

I'm sorry, I'm...
It's just... he's so...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.

He's so what?

Yeah, you better run.

Hey!

Did you sleep with
my nanny?

A gentleman never tells.

What is the one thing
I said?

No monkey business.

Yeah, with you,
and I've respected that.

- What?
- Like that was even an option?

Oh, come on,
there was a moment,

after I rescued Charlie.

Rescued?
It's not like a lion had her.

All right.
I get it.

I messed up.
I used up my mulligan.

No, no,
I've got an ex-husband in jail,

50 hours a week to bill,
a ten-year-old to raise.

There are no mulligans.
You're fired.

Fired?
You gotta be kidding me!

Do I look like
I'm kidding?

All right,
you know what?

You got some issues.

Me?
You live with your dad,

and you hump anything
in a tiny bikini

to justify
the void that is your life.

Wow, you had that
locked and loaded.

- You think about me much?
- Why are you cocky?

Is there some universe where
35 and constantly baked is cool?

Yeah, venice.

- Oh.
- Let me tell you something,

okay? Your husband
cheated on you,

and now you take it out
on any guy

that's just trying to
have fun.

- You're bitter.
- I'm... I'm not bitter.

I'm so not bitter.
I'm just... I'm even-keeled!

You don't know me.
I'm delightful, I'm sunny!

You're not sunny, babe.
You don't even want a skylight.

That friggin' metaphor
is officially played.

- And "babe?" Really.
- All right, whatever.

Enjoy your gloomy house.
San Francisco sucks.

Yeah? Well, venice
is full of overage surfers

who can't keep it
in their pants!

Nice, big truck,
by the way!

What's that about?

Hi, I'm Alex meyers.
We just moved in.

Have a nice day.

I don't get it.

You didn't fire the nanny.

You love to fire nannies.
They come with expiration dates.

I need her.
Charlie loves her.

God, why do you always
stick up for bad guys?

You're like a mob wife.

I love a hot underdog?

He was totally conceited,
constantly late,

and smelled like salt
and bong water.

Alex, did you fire this guy
because you were jealous

because he slept with
your nanny?

Oh, that is not fair to Pete
or Simone.

Now you're defending
Simone?

I defend hot people,
regardless of gender.

I'm done with flakes.

I hired him to fix my house,
not bang my childcare.

I could use
a little support here.

Okay, jeez.
Cabernet rage.

And the clippers are on TV,
and they're one of my triggers.

Sad, but true.

And I'm like,
"no, not today."

So I went to the gym,
and it worked.

I didn't call my bookie.

Do something
that makes you feel good.

Do anything.
Just don't gamble.

Are you
stealing her wood?

I'm taking action,
breaking patterns,

it's all a part of
my recovery.

I got this piano recital
tomorrow.

- Cool.
- I wasn't gonna do it,

but mom's super-stressed, so
I thought I'd throw her a bone.

"Throw her a bone,"
that sounds good.

My dad was taking lessons,
and it was his recital too.

They're probably not gonna
let him out for that.

I've never actually played
in front of anybody before,

and with him not up there
with me, I'm kind of freaking.

What do you think
I should do?

Are you seriously
seeking life advice from me?

I'm mid-crime.

Okay, yeah, whatever.

Yeah, whatever.

Thanks for
the mentorship.

My pleasure.

Hey!

You like shopping?

Then let's
go to tymball's.

Then let's go!
Let's go!

Hurry! Hurry up! Big Deb
plays for keeps, come on!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Riggins!

Suck it, big Deb!
Seatbelts.

All right, wait here.

There's my boy.

- Can I ask you a favor?
- Son, the world.

See that girl?

You let her sit in
and play a song?

Wouldn't be fair
to my audience.

Come on, dad,
she's got massive stage fright.

One song... just help her
get over the hump.

All right, one song,
no ballads.

Okay, sit here.
Play your song.

These people,
they don't care.

Hi.

Hi.

What are you thinking?

Um, Pachelbel's canon.

Not a crowd-pleaser,
but take your swing.

Okay.

Now would be
a good time.

Okay.

Look at you.

Hey.

Pete, what the hell?

- Oh, you got my text.
- You mean your ransom note?

"Meet me at tymball's lobby
in half an hour.

I've got Charlie."

- Oh...
- No, no, no, no, no.

She's practicing
for a recital.

She had stage fright.

That's the reason
she didn't want to do it.

My dad
is helping her out.

All right,
you got your taste.

The crowd is thinning.
Time for some fleetwood...

Mac-attack.

I had no idea
she had stage fright.

She didn't want
to stress you out.

Seriously?

I try so hard
to stay on top of everything,

how do you know more
than me?

Women open up to me, so...

Oh, so cheesy.

♪ Time cast a spell on you ♪

♪ but you won't forget me ♪

♪ yeah ♪

is he allowed to sing?

Nah, he's actually
been warned.

Look, I...
I'd like another shot.

I need this job.
I let down my boys.

"Boys" better not be
a euphemism.

You know we'd have fun.

Not monkey business fun, just
clean, contractor/client fun.

Spackle fights.

Look, I... I messed up.

I'm sorry.

Do you think you can
restrain yourself?

Not hump everything?

I'm not a collie,
you know.

Okay.

One more shot.

Be at my house Monday morning,
7:00 A.M.

Awesome.
8:00 would be better.

7:00's perfect.

Alex.

- Hey.
- I got your message.

- What happened?
- I'm sorry.

Um, I was freaking out,
but everyone's fine.

I'm so sorry I bugged you
at the hospital.

This is Pete.
Ben, Pete.

- Oh, uh, the handyman.
- Contractor.

What's up, man?

Hey, what's up?

- Thank you.
- Oh, she's great.

Thank you.
Hi, mom.

- You're amazing.
- Hi, Ben.

Hi.

Who's the stiff?

- Boyfriend, I guess.
- Hmm.

What's our, uh,
Malibu rum situation?

I'm holding.
Meet me in menswear.

Your new skylight.
It's nice, huh?

It'll have glass,
won't it?

Well, it's extra,
but if you want to splurge.

Look at that so-cal light
just pour in.

Don't gloat, spackle boy.

Hey, Alex.
Huh.

Thank you for give me
another chance.

Sure.

I'm super stoked.