Benson (1979–1986): Season 2, Episode 13 - Marcy's Wedding - full transcript

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(OPENING THEME PLAYING)

(SINGING WEDDING MARCH)

Kraus, Kraus, Kraus, could
you stop that infernal racket?

I'm trying to work over here.

I'm sorry, Benson,
I can't help it.
I'm so excited.

This is the first wedding
in the mansion
since I have been here.

(LAUGHING)
And when Marcy asked me
to be her maid of honor,

I almost died.

Almost doesn't count.

Oh, Lord, I forgot
to call the photographer.

No, I called him yesterday.



Oh, Gretchen, that coffee
smells wonderful.

How was Dan's bachelor
party last night, Benson?

I left early to come to work.

Oh, how nice.
Oops, these are for you.

No, they're not.

Gretchen, I thought you might
want to pick out the color
of the bridesmaid's dresses.

Oh.
Oh, just think of it.

In less than a week,
I'm gonna be Dan's bride.

You know, I think
all this has been
part of a greater plan.

If all those guys hadn't
ditched me, I wouldn't
be here for Dan.

That is a beautiful way
of looking at it, Marcy.

That is the only way
of looking at it, Gretchen.

Have you arranged
for the music, Benson?

Ja, how about some music?



It's all taken care of.

What about getting
people from the airport?

Ja, what about the drivers?
Did you call for them?

Yes, I did.

Did you call
the florist?

Out with it, Benson.

Yes, I called the florist.

Then where are the flowers?
Ja, where are they?

Waiting to be picked!

The wedding's next week,
what do you want,
flowers or compost?

Marcy, I've arranged
banquets for 500 people.

This is a small wedding.

I've got everything
under control, what are
you worrying about?

She wouldn't have to
worry if somebody else
were running things.

Like who?

Can't you guess who?

I'm still trying
to guess what.

Hi, everybody.
MARCY: Hi, doll.

KRAUS: Hello, Liebling.

Only seven more days.
If you wanna back out,
I'll take him.

Fat chance, shorty.

I guess I have to
settle for flower girl.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

Dan's little girl, Sally,
is going to be the flower girl

'cause his son's going
to be the ring bearer.

Oh.

So, I guess there's
nothing left for you to be...

Except a bridesmaid.

Oh, wow, a bridesmaid?
(GASPS)

Now, you got some heavy
responsibilities there, Katie.

If Dan panics and tries to
escape, you've gotta tackle
him and hold him down.

I'm gonna go call
Debbie Falkenberg.

When she hears
I'm gonna be a bridesmaid,
she'll waste away.

Oh, dear.

Oh, Lord, I almost forgot
why I came in here.

Uh, Benson, how far have you
gotten with the arrangements

for the reception supper?
It's all done.

Menu, seating,
place cards, everything.

Oh, good.

Except that I'm
having second thoughts.

Well, marry him anyway.
I already ordered the cake.

No, I'm not having
second thoughts about that.

It's just that
a formal dinner is so...

Formal.

Do you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, you're saying buffet.

Well, now, see, a buffet is
more in keeping with the
informality of the wedding.

Is it too late to change?
Yeah.

You'll do it anyway?

Yeah.

But, this is it, okay?
Okay, I promise,
no more changes, thanks.

I don't know what
I'd do without you.

Marcy, oh, Marcy, guess what?

Dan asked me to
be his best man.

Well, I'm delighted, sir.

Well, actually,
I wasn't his first choice.

He wanted one of
the fellas who worked with
him at the TV station.

But he was up
in Canada making
a documentary on Tundra.

He didn't say
what night it'd be on.

It's too bad 'cause
I'd hate to run
across it accidentally.

(GIGGLES)
I've never been
a best man before.

I came that close one time.

It turned out the groom
was pointing to the fellow
right next to me.

Well, you made it this time.

Yeah, I couldn't miss.

I was the only
guy in the room.

When are your
parents arriving, Marcy?

Well, my mother's coming
in from St. Paul on Friday.

I sent Daddy a cable in
New Zealand. I'm not quite
sure when he'll get here.

Why is your father
in New Zealand?

Because Mother's in St. Paul.

My mother's
a little overbearing.

My parents seem
to get along better
in different hemispheres.

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello.

Just a moment, please.

It's your mother.
Mmm.

Maybe she's heard from Daddy.

Hi, Mom.

What do you mean "surprise"?

You're at the airport here?

Inconvenient?
No, no, not at all.

No, I'll pick
you up right away.

(SCOFFS)
I can't do that, Mother.

Because the Governor's
limousine is used
for state business only.

Right. Yeah, I love you, too.

Okay, bye-bye.

Ah, she's four days early.

Isn't that nice?
Your mother came early.

She must be looking
forward to seeing you.

I'm looking forward
to seeing her, too.

Just not that much of her.

Well, I better get to
the airport to pick her up.

Gee, I hope I didn't
give you guys
the wrong impression.

My mother really is
a remarkable woman.

She's strong and determined
and positive and aggressive.

They're all very
admirable qualities.
Yeah.

If you're a linebacker.

Marcy, I don't
have anything
against a short veil.

If you want everybody
in the room watching
your chin come down the aisle.

Benson, dear,
this will never do.

It's a wedding,
not an auction.

I thought we'd see
how much we could get for her.
(CHUCKLES)

I think you did a
wonderful job, Benson.
Well, I don't.

Mother didn't mean that.
Yes, I did.

I won't have you mumbling
"I do" into the chimney.

Oh, I'm sure Benson did
the best job he could.

Perhaps you
don't understand
the problem, Benson.

I'm beginning to.

I want Marcy to
make an entrance

and walk down the
longest aisle we can
squeeze into this room.

Do you have any ideas, Benson?

Well, I've got one.

I'm sure you do.
And I don't blame you.

Now, Marcy, never mind.
Mother to the rescue.

I made out a
floor plan of my own.

I left it on your desk.
I'll be right back.

Oh, Marcy, dear.
Yeah?

This might be a very
good time to speak
to Benson about the buffet.

What about the buffet?

Oh, well,
you know how a girl is,
just before her wedding.

A little giddy,
a little silly,
a little scatter-brained.

Changing her mind
10 times a minute.
Exactly.

Knowing her friends
will understand.

The buffet, Marcy.

What about it?

It's been changed to
a sit-down dinner, hasn't it?

I think so.

When did your mother
give you that idea?

Right after she decided
we wouldn't be having
an informal wedding.

Why didn't you just say no?

Because she's my mother.

Oh, saying no
won't change that.

Benson,
you've gotta understand,

my mother wants
this to be
the perfect wedding.

Then why is she here?

Darling, I found this
letter on your desk.

It's from your father.

I would've read it
but I'm sure I've
heard it all before.

This is the floor plan.
Thank you so very much.

Daddy never got my cable.

He left New Zealand
the day before I sent it.

He's somewhere
in the Fiji Islands.

What's he doing there?

Oh, Marcy's father's
still trying to prove
his idiotic theory

that the Fiji Islands
were once part
of Santa Barbara.

Well, who'd believe
something like that?

He got a government grant.

Even if I could reach him,
there's no way he could get
here in time for the wedding.

Well, that's just
gonna break his heart.

And who's gonna give me away?

Don't worry, dear,
everything will work out.

There's always Uncle Henry.

The one who does
the seal imitation?

Oh, no, dear,
that's your Uncle Lou.

Uncle Henry is a
stockbroker from Akron.

Good old Uncle Henry.

As you can see,
I want the minster at
the far end of the room.

And the aisle on
a diagonal from that door

and all the guests
facing this way.

Is that clear?
Yeah.

You want me to
turn the chairs around.

Yeah?

Yes.

Mother, I hardly
know Uncle Henry.

Don't worry, dear, we'll
find somebody suitable.

If worse comes to worse,
I'll give you away myself.

I don't wanna come
down the aisle with
my mother on my arm.

That's better than
having her on your back.

Jeanine, I am not
trying to marry you off.

I like paying you alimony.

All we have left
in common is my money.

But I know how much
you wanna see the ice show

and I just happen to
have two tickets.
He's a real nice guy.

Works out of his home.
You've met him, Jeanine.

Yeah, I know for a fact,
you've been to his house.

When your great Aunt Hester
was laid out, remember?

Well, yeah, but he prefers
to be called a mortician.

Hello?

It's too bad. He could've
helped her with her makeup.

Hey, do you wanna
buy two tickets to
the ice show tonight?

Pete, I'm getting
married tomorrow.

You'll be out
by 10:00.

The Governor
wants to see you.

♪ Someday, you and I... ♪

(HUMMING)

Excuse me, miss.

Well, yes, may I help you?

Does Marcy Hill work here?
Well, I believe she does, why?

Do you know if
she fools around?

I'm afraid you'll
have to marry her first.

Mmm, terrible price to pay,
but, I'm desperate.

(GIGGLES) Hi.

Oh, hello, Dan.

I'm very sorry but you'll
have to leave us alone now.
(DAN GROANS)

The day before a girl's
wedding is the
busiest day of her life.

Mother, he just got here.

Oh, Marcy,
you'll have all your
lives to be together.

Besides, Dan has
to get a haircut.

Don't you, Dan?
I do whatever I'm told.

The most important
quality in a husband.

I will call you later.

Oh, tell the barber,
nothing fancy.

We don't want you looking
prettier than Marcy.

Now, Marcy, dear.

Is there any way
I can help you
on your wedding night?

Take the night off, Mom.

I meant, hotel reservation,
plane tickets.

Yes, I know, dear.
Dan's taken care of all that.

You don't need to worry.

Oh, Benson.
Hi, there.

Would you please arrange
to have a security guard

posted at the
gift table tomorrow?

Why?

Aren't you concerned
with someone
making off with the gifts?

Oh, no, we didn't
invite any congressmen.

Benson, I want
a security guard.

We don't need one.
But I want one.

I'm afraid not.
Mother.

Never mind, I'll talk
to the Governor.

Mother, you can't
just barge in there.

Wanna bet?

When they made Mother,
they broke the mold.

Good, she's the
last of her kind.

John said you wanted
to see me about something.

Yeah, I have a favor
I wanna ask you.

Come on, Marcy,
if it's about changing back
to the buffet, forget it.

Elope. I'll send
a pizza to your motel.

It's not that.
Something else. Sit down.
I wanna ask you something.

No, your mother cannot
perform the ceremony.

(CHUCKLES)

I would like you to give
me away at my wedding.

Why me?

Because I love you.

Thank you.

But you must have
a relative you can ask.

Well, I've got
lots of relatives,

it's just that I don't
know any of them.

I don't want a stranger
to give me away.

I want it to be a friend.
Somebody I care about.

I want it to be you.

Well?
Okay, what do I have to do?

Nothing, all you have to do
is walk me down the aisle
and make sure I don't trip.

Okay, I'll give you away.
It'll be my pleasure.

Oh, thanks, Benson.
I'll give you away
on one condition.

What's that?
That Dan doesn't
give you back.

(LAUGHS)
Oh, thank you.

Well, Marcy,
having a last fling?

Benson's agreed to
stand in for my father

and give me away
at my wedding.

Aha!

You think anybody will notice?

Well, I suppose I should
say something nice. (LAUGHS)

I'm thinking.

By the time he
comes up with something,

you'll be on your honeymoon.
I'll see you later.

Well, well, well.
This wedding becomes
more fascinating

with every passing moment.

Fear not. The security
is all arranged.

Oh, Clayton.

Don't forget the
rehearsal this afternoon,
at 4:00.

I'll be there, Louise.

And may I congratulate you

on your meticulous
organization of this
most happy event.

Thank you.

It is pleasure to have
you in the wedding party.

No, no, no,
the pleasure is mine.

Believe me, I'm looking
forward to tomorrow afternoon.

Are you?

Yes, I look fabulous
in a tuxedo.

What a charmer.

Oh, yes.

Mother, sit down for a minute.

Oh, yes, there's
still a lot to do.

Mom.
Hmm?

I finally decided who's
going to give me away.

Oh, good, dear,
who is it?

Benson.

(LAUGHS) I didn't hear that.

I said Benson.

What an interesting idea.

That thought never
crossed my mind.

Uh, but, really, dear,

how will it look in
the Saint Paul Dispatch?
A picture of you

coming down the aisle
with a man who
isn't even a relative?

You mean a black man?

Color has nothing
to do with it.

Oh, Mother, come on.

I'm talking about position.

It would be a different story
if he were Jesse Jackson.

Or even Reggie Jackson.

Marcy, dear, I don't object
of Benson being black.

It's just that he is not
a member of the family

and he's not prominent,
so we'll just have
to find someone else.

Fine.

While you are coming up
with one of our
prominent black relatives,

I'll be coming down
the aisle with Benson.

Marcy, I'm warning you...

If you substitute Benson
for the father of the bride,

you better get a substitute
for the mother of the bride,

because I'm not coming
to the wedding.

You are doing that all wrong.

You want to iron it?

Only if you're in it.

With so many wrinkles,

they will think a prune
is marching down the aisle.

Not if you get
your beauty sleep.

Oh, ja?

Well, when I make my entrance
as a maid of honor tomorrow,

all heads will turn.

Yeah, toward the wall.

That's not bad.

Looks like an unmade bed.

Well, time to hit the road
to dreamland...

First a hot bath, then brush
the teeth, then the floss.

Kraus, I don't need
a countdown. Just blast off.

Guten Abend,
father of the bride.

Good night,
maid of honor.

Hi.
Oh, hi, Marcy.

I thought you'd be at home
in front of a mirror,
practicing, "I do."

I've been practicing
that since I was six.

I've got it down cold.

I need to talk to you again.

You got jitters?
It's normal.

It's my mother.
That's not normal.

She says if you give me away,
she won't come to the wedding.

She's called
my Uncle Henry in Akron.
He's flying in tomorrow.

He's her brother. She wants
to keep it in the family.

Well, what's the big deal?
There's no problem.

The problem is me.
Why can't I stand up to her?

Well, look, I hate
to admit it, but
for once, she's right.

It should be family.

No, Benson,
it should be who I want.

It should be you.

Marcy, what difference does
it make who gives you away

as long as we
get rid of you?

I feel awful. Sorry.

It's okay, it's okay.
I know.

You just got caught
in the middle. That's all.

Why don't you just get home,
get some sleep?

You don't want your eyes red

on the happiest day
of your life.

I'll see you
on the receiving line.

Thanks for being
so understanding.

Well, it could
have been worse.

She could've changed it
back to a buffet.

(CHUCKLES)

See you tomorrow.
Okay.

Well, I must say,
it's a beautiful day for
a wedding, huh, Dan?

Dan? Dan?

Hmm? Oh, I'm fine.

Have some water.
You'll feel better.

No, thank you.

Rarely have I seen
such a complete
state of withdrawal.

When are you gonna
get dressed, Clayton?

Oh, not until
the very last moment, sir.

I don't like to sit
down in the pants.

It makes the back of
my knees all wrinkly.

I'm fine.

Governor,
the minister's here.

Oh, good.

I'm getting married today.

He's very nervous.
You think he's all right?

Say, "I do."
I do.

He's fine.
Told you.

(TELEPHONE BUZZES)

Hello?

Oh, yes, Marcy, Benson's here.
It's for you.

Yes, Marcy?

Okay, I'll be right out.

Marcy wants to see me
in her office.

Why didn't she just stick her
head in? We're all decent.

No, sir, it's bad luck
for the bride to see the groom
before the ceremony.

I've never understood
the reason for
that custom until now.

DAN: Oh, Benson?
I know, you're fine.

Benson, I'd like you
to meet my Uncle Henry.

It's a pleasure to meet you.
Nice to meet you.

You know, I'm sorry
for the part
I played in all this.

I had no idea what
was going on when
Louise called me.

I've told him everything.

My sister takes
a little getting used to.

Of course,
most people don't bother.

Anyway, I'm sorry
for what happened.

Oh, it's all right,
nothing to apologize for.

Besides, you look better
in a tuxedo than I do.

Benson,
you don't understand.

Marcy! What are
you doing here?

The guests have
started to arrive.

You go upstairs
this very minute and
start getting ready.

No.

Did you say "no"?

It sounded like "no" to me.

I heard "no."

Mother, I'm not going
anywhere till this
gets straightened out.

Now, I didn't sleep
at all last night,

thinking about
how badly I treated Benson.

I should have stopped all this
right at the beginning.

Now, just a minute,
young lady.
Look, Mother.

This is my wedding.

And Benson's going
to give me away.

Now, if you can't
handle that, I'm sorry.

Very well,
but I'm going home.

Have a safe trip, Mother.

Come off it, Louise.

You know damn well you're not
going to miss the wedding.

You are gonna give
me away, aren't you?

Whatever you say.
I'm not gonna cross you.

Smart man.

Gee, Clayton, you're right,
you do look fabulous in a tux.

I like the way
that it shows off your socks.

Sir, the dry cleaner
sent the wrong one.

(LAUGHS)

Well, there's a bright side,

think how silly
Mickey Rooney's gonna
look in yours.

Peter, a short joke
from you is redundant.

What does that mean?
You are a short joke.

Well, let's go, positions.

We're ready.

Where's the groom?

Oh!

I'm fine.

(BRIDAL CHORUS PLAYS)

I can't believe
this is really happening.

Believe it.

A very pale man down there
intends to marry you.

Oh!

Get up, Mother,
or you'll miss it.

We're gathered together
on this happy occasion

to join you in marriage,
an honorable institution

which is entered into
by an exchange of vows.

Who gives this
woman in marriage?

I do, and her mother.

Do you, Daniel, take
this woman to be your
lawfully wedded wife,

to love, honor, and respect,
in sickness and in health,

as long as you
both shall live?

I do.

Do you, Marcia,
take this man to be your
lawfully wedded husband,

to love, honor, and respect,
in sickness and in health,

as long as you
both shall live?

I do.

Ring, please.

For as you both have
consented in matrimony

and acknowledge the same
before this company,

I, by virtue of the authority
vested in me,

do hereby pronounce you
husband and wife.

Yay!

Well, Mother, our little
girl is all grown up.

Ah, Marcy and Dan
looked so happy at the
reception last night.

The part I liked best
was when Marcy
threw the bouquet.

Yeah, sure, you caught it.

Yeah, you're getting
pretty slow there, Kraus.

How did I know
Marcy would throw a grounder?

Does that really mean I'll
be the next one married?

You'll be way ahead of
anybody in this room.

I'm gonna go call
Debbie Falkenberg
and tell her

I'm the next one
getting married!

Well, maybe she will be
and maybe she won't be.

What is that supposed to mean?

Uncle Henry is a widower.

And at the reception,
he was very sweet to me.

That's the champagne.

Oh, Ja? Well,
not only was he sweet,

he made an advance.

Well, I certainly hope you
had the decency to give
him his money back.