Benson (1979–1986): Season 2, Episode 12 - Fireside Chat - full transcript

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(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Marcy.

Mmm-hmm.

Yes, sir. I'll give him
the message as soon as
he's out of conference.

Buh-bye.

Marcy, did you
see the paper?

There's an article
about Dan.

My Dan?

Well, it doesn't mention you,

but I think
it's the same fellow.

It's about a three-part
news segment he produced.



Oh, that's right.

Did you see it? It was called
Sewage, Everybody's Fault.

Hey, Marcy.

There's an article about
your boyfriend in the paper.

Yeah, I know.
Gretchen just
brought it in to me.

You see, Benson?
I got there first.

The early bird
gets the worm.

In this case,
the early bird
is the worm.

I forgot Dan
worked in TV news.

Dan doesn't just
work in the news.

He produces the news.

I mean, he's the man
responsible for all the news.

And all this time,
we've been blaming it
on the Russians.

Oh, isn't he gorgeous?



He looks a little
grainy to me.

Benson's just jealous,
because he doesn't have
somebody special.

Oh, Gretchen,
how can you say that?

After all we've been
to each other?

What?
I can't help it
any longer.

When you're near,
my pulse quickens,
my palms sweat,

I feel faint,
my feet itch.

Oh, Gretchen,
it's you that I love.

You're sick.

I know there's one
or another.

I just don't know
if I have time
to make a TV speech.

If you'd look at
the latest polls, sir.

Sit down, Benson.

Okay, 38% approved
of the governor's performance.

43% disapproved.

Oh, polls don't
mean anything.

Sir, it's not the 81% who
approve or disapprove
that bother me.

It's the other 19%.

They're undecided?

No, sir, they don't know
who you are.

Well, I think we
should ask Benson.

Well, it wouldn't be
fair to ask me, sir.

I know who you are.

No, I mean about this
Fireside Chat idea.

Depends on whether or not
you have anything to say.

Well, I would like to
explain why there have
been so many delays

in finalizing that
state highways bill.

Ah, ah, now, uh, that,
if I may say so, sir,

is a dangerously
negative approach.

Perhaps, it would be
best to dwell on what
you have accomplished

rather than
what you haven't.

It's no problem.
I'll write the speech.

Peter, I'll write
the speech.

We'll write the speech.

I'll put it
on cue cards.

All you have to do
is sit there and
read it off the cards.

Oh, don't bother
with cue cards.

I have a crackerjack memory.

Bet you can't name
the seven dwarfs.

Happy, Sneezy,
Sleepy, Grumpy,

Bashful, Dopey,
and Doc.

Sir, what are you doing?

Naming the new cabinet.

But do I make
the speech or not?

Well, let's vote on it.
What do you say?

I say go ahead.

You don't have a vote.

They're not gonna like that
down at the NAACP.

I think Benson's right.

I have something to say.
Why don't I say it?

So, gentlemen, we'll have
our Fireside Chat.

Oh, uh, Benson, don't
let me disturb your work.

I'm just gonna
wait in here for Dan

while he finishes
telling the crew

how to set up the equipment
for tomorrow's speech.

Okay.

Oh, Benson,
don't you think
it's destiny

that Dan of all people

was assigned to produce
the Fireside Chat?

Destiny?

Begging the governor
to request him didn't hurt.

You think I did
the wrong thing?

No, I think you did
the right thing.

Clayton and Peter
writing the speech,

Dan's just done
a show on sewage...

This should be
right down his alley.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Hey, my,
don't you look nice.

Dan's taking me out
after he finishes.

Yeah, you brought out
the heavy artillery.

You must be going
someplace special.

Well, only the Renaissance
room at The Plaza.

Hmm. He must mean business.

I really think he does.

I have a feeling
tonight's the night.

You think he's gonna
pop the question?
Uh-huh.

Well, I hope it's a question
you can live with.

Oh, Benson,
I'm so excited.

Hello, Governor.
Oh, excuse me.

Am I interrupting
something?

Oh, of course not.

Benson and I were just
discussing marriage.

Oh! How wonderful!

Oh, well, I guess
this just proves
the polls are right.

I am out of touch
with people,

even those whose are
closest to me.

I knew you two were
good friends, of course.

Governor...

It won't be easy at first.

I mean, some people won't
want to rent to you.

Governor, Marcy and I
aren't thinking about
getting married.

Oh. I hope it isn't
anything I said.

We were talking
about Dan and me.

(LAUGHING)

That is wonderful news!

Oh, I'm sure you and Dan
will be very happy, too.

And don't worry, Benson.
There'll be other girls.

Hi, Benson. Hi, Marcy.
Hi, Daddy.
Hi, honey.

Daddy, is it true that
you're gonna be on TV?

That's right.
Tomorrow night at 7:30.

Oh, too bad.
I won't be able
to watch you.

Why not?
You're on against
The Muppets.

Ah, sir. Uh...

Peter and I have,
uh, finished your speech.

Oh, thank you, Clayton.
Is it good?

After all, this is
for television.

Well, I don't know if it
can possibly compare

with the Dukes of Hazzard.
(SNICKERING)

But it has its moments.
Judge for yourself, sir.

Well, I'll read it
right now.

It's always fun to find out
what Pete and Clayton
think I think.

Marcy, you'll be in charge
of the cue cards tomorrow.

Why me?
Security.

I don't want any outsiders
getting their hands

on the governor's speech.

Oh, Benson, all
the furniture
in the living room

has to be moved
to the sides

to make space for
the television cameras.

Careful you don't
hurt your back.

(CHUCKLES)

If I called you
"shiftless,"

would you consider that
a racial slur?

If I called you
an ambulance,

would you consider
that an omen?

I consider this
discussion closed.

Oh, Marcy,
I just brought Dan
a cup of coffee.

That man of yours
is terrific.

You're so lucky.

You should see the way
he takes charge
of that crew. Oh.

When he snaps his fingers,
everybody jumps.

He is so, so...

German?

That's the word.

He reminds of my first
boyfriend, Wolfgang.

Ah, I lived only for him,

but I thought he did not
know I was alive.

It is hard to tell.

Und then I noticed whenever
he looked at me,

there was a special
little gleam in his eye.

Well, he invited me to dinner.

There was candlelight,

a chilled bottle of Mosel,
schnitzel for two, the works.

Und then it happened...

Just as I had
hoped it would.

He asked you
to marry him?

No. He asked me to be
the brakeman on
his bobsled team.

We're almost through in there.
Marcy, you look great.

Oh, that was
the game plan.

Hi, Benson.
Hi, Dan.

Oh, thank you for
coordinating the setup.

The guys really
appreciate it.

My pleasure.

And tell them
before they leave,
I'm counting the spoons.

(CHUCKLES) I'll do that.
Five minutes, Marcy.

One minute more
and you're in big trouble.

Um, Benson, Dan's supposed
to bring me back here tonight

to pick up my car.

But if my car
happens to stay

in the parking lot
all night...

I'll know you're engaged.

(SIGHS)

I don't know
what's the matter
with me, Benson.

I just can't
memorize that speech.

Maybe it's not memorable.

I'm gonna have to read it
off the cue cards.

I think the problem is there's
a little of Clayton in it

and a little of Pete
and not much of me.

In that case,
if it goes badly,

you've got someone
to blame.

And I'm having second thoughts
about doing it live.

At least a tape,
you can edit.

And erase.

Well, I guess I better
take one more look

at the darn thing
before I turn in.

Good night, Benson.
Good night, Governor.

Good luck tomorrow.
Thank you.

Hello, Marcy.
Hi.

Oh, what are you doing here
at this hour?

Uh, I left my car keys
in my desk.

I hope I didn't
disturb you.

No, no, no.
I'm just going to bed.

See you in the morning.
Good night.
Good night.

Came back
for your car, huh?

Yeah.

Well, you know
how these things go.

You all right?

Oh, sure, sure.
I'm fine.

Good night.
Good night, Marcy.

See you in the morning.
Okay.

Benson, you know
what's wrong with me?

You don't how to say
"good night" and mean it.

I get scared.

You want me to
walk you to your car?

I mean, when I meet a man
and I really start
to care about him,

I get scared that
I'm gonna lose him.

I'll get us
some milk.

So what happens
is that I begin
to overcompensate.

I hang on his every word,

and I'm constantly
telling him
how wonderful he is.

And I just can't bear
to be near him

without touching him
all the time.

So I spend all my time trying
to be this ideal woman.

Well, that's not me.

That's not anybody.

Of course it isn't.

So, eventually, the man
starts feeling trapped.

And then he does
the next logical thing.

He dumps me.

I was so sure I wouldn't
do this with Dan

'cause I knew he loved me.

I did it again.

I just couldn't let it be.

Well, at least he wasn't like
some of the other guys.

At least he didn't just say,
"So long, cookie."

He just suggested that
we step back a little bit

and evaluate
our relationship.

Marcy, the guy is
supporting two kids.

He's away on
assignment a lot.

His first marriage
was a bust.

He just thinks you
should take these things
into consideration

before you get in
too deep.

In other words,
"So long, cookie."

Well, don't worry.
I'll get over it. (CHUCKLES)

Always do.

Thanks. Good night.

You were right.
I hardly know
you guys are here.

Hold it down, will you?
I'm trying to listen
to the director.

Hey, if you're the guy
in the van
blocking the driveway,

you better get it out of there
before I call a tow-truck.

Over and out.

You okay?

I'm fine.
Why do you ask?

'Cause you don't usually
leave your wallet
in the refrigerator.

You know,
I passed a McDonald's

on my way to work
this morning.

The sign said
"Over 35 billion sold."

I can remember
when it was just 6 billion.

Over 29 billion burgers have
passed over the counter

in my lifetime.

You know how old
that makes a person feel?

Marcy, all the guy said
was that he thinks
you should step back

and see what
you might be getting into.

And I know one thing
I'm not getting into...
A wedding dress.

Marcy, don't be ridiculous.

Benson, I've heard it
all before.

He's just trying to
let me down easy.

Why don't you just
hit yourself
over the head

with a Louisville Slugger?

It's much faster.

Look, I know what
you're trying to do,
and I appreciate it,

but trust me,
I have a sixth sense when it
comes to things like this.

Hmm. Well, if that's
your sixth sense
that's been operating lately,

I wouldn't give you five cents
for your sixth sense.

(GROANING) Just bit my tongue.

Clayton, here
you have me saying,

"I want to make one thing
perfectly clear."

Yeah. You don't like that?

Well, don't I want to make
everything perfectly clear?

It's too risky, sir.

The chair is wrong.

What do you mean,
"Wrong?"

"Wrong," adjective.

Not right, mistaken,
incorrect, unsuitable,
improper.

It stinks.

We could put him
on a stool.

Wonderful!
We can give him a guitar.

He can sing folk songs.

I don't know.
Maybe it's not the chair.

I love the fireplace.
That works. But...

You're right.
There's something missing.

I've got it.
A dog.

Oh, my god.
I don't have a dog.

No. It's no sweat.
I got connections
at the pound.

You're not bringing
a dog in here.

Come on.
We're talking about
the governor's image.

We're talking about
the governor's rugs.

One little tiny...
No dogs.

All right, everybody.
Governor, if it's
all right with you,

we'll have
the camera rehearsal

as soon as they're set
in the remote truck.

A-okay.

Oh, Benson,
I want you to watch this.

I'm gonna trying
standing up in the middle.

I certainly wouldn't
want to miss that.

Hello, Marcy.

Oh, hello, Dan.

Did you think about
what we talked about
last night?

I've thought
about nothing else.

Well, maybe after
the speech,

we can go out and have
a drink and talk about it.

What more
is there to say?

Well, there's plenty to say.

Well, you see, I'm afraid
I don't have the time.

I'm awfully busy standing back
and evaluating
our relationship.

What is that
supposed to mean?

Marcy, the governor needs
the cue cards.

Excuse me.

Um, Governor,

we'll take it from where
you say, "Good evening."

(GOVERNOR CLEARS THROAT)

Good evening.

Marcy.

Good evening.

Marcy, the cards.

Good evening.

Oh, I said that.

I'm so grateful
for the opportunity
to talk to you.

As a matter of fact,
I was surprised
to learn the other day

that 19% of you haven't
the foggiest idea who I am.
(CHUCKLING)

You put that in?
He put that in.

I'll take it out.

(CLEARS THROAT)

In my judgment...

There shouldn't be two e's
in "judgment."

Sir, if it's misspelled
on the card,
only you will see it.

Well, I'm the one
who has to read it.

I'll fix it
right away, sir.

What are you
so mad about?

You don't know?
No, I don't.

How can you not know?

Marcy, can I take an "e" out
before you leave?

I can't rehearse this stupid
speech without my cue cards!

I'll be in my office.

Sir...
Clayton, you better get
this thing organized.

Shape up or ship out.

Did you hear that?

Yeah. I liked it.

Sir...

MAN: Thirty seconds to air,
everybody.

Okay, let's go, Clayton.

Well, where are
you going?

Uh... We're going to
watch your speech

on the TV
in the next room, sir.

Good luck, sir.

Ten seconds, everybody.

Okay, here we go.

In five, four,
three seconds, two...

Oh! Uh...

Good evening.

I'm so grateful for
the opportunity
to talk to you.

When I first took office,

the legislative body
of this state

was presented with
a priority package
of progressive programs.

In my judgment,
it's high time I told you

in what direction this
administration is headed.

I'm just getting my pencil.

Is it too late
to get the dog?

What good would
a dog do now?

He could fetch
the pencil.

I like to think of these
as "people" programs,

for it is the people...

What did you mean,
"Stand back and evaluate
our relationship?"

Can't this wait?
We're live.

Oh, fine!
I'll put my life on hold.

By the people
and for th...

What happened
to the sound?

I'm more worried
about the picture.

His lips aren't moving.

People.

We've come up
with some
far-reaching ideas.

What are you doing?

You're making a fool
out of yourself.

I made a fool out of
myself last night.

And new jobs.

We can turn
this situation around,

and so, I feel that I can look
you straight in the eye

and say that I have made good
on a major campaign promise.

I predict that
there will be a rise

in the purchase
and construction of
private homes now that...

The prime interest rate
is beginning to stabilize.

Uh... Because of technical
difficulties, well...

Uh, the fact is,

if the picture
that you're receiving

seems to be a little confused,

there is a very good,
very easily explained
reason for it.

You see, I have been reading
my speech off cue cards,

in spite of the fact that
I have a crackerjack memory.

And, well, the truth is,
the cue cards have fallen.

Do you have a copy
of the speech?
Right here.

Well, get in there
and cue him.

Me? Peter.

Forget it.
Peter.

Come on, the governor
is going down
for the third time,

and you guys are playing
Tweedledum and Tweedledumber!

Give me that!

Now, my executive secretary,
Marcy Hill,

who, incidentally,
has been dating Dan Slater,

who is the producer
of this telecast...

Well, she was
holding the cards,

and somehow
they slipped from her hand.

And she is down on
the floor now with Dan,

trying to pick them up.

You have a few moments

if you want to switch channels
and watch The Muppets.

BENSON: Psst! Psst!

Hmm?

(WHISPERING)
"In my judgment,
we can expect

"a significant rise
in the standard of living."

What's that?

"In my judgment,

"we can expect

"a significant rise
in the standard of living."

Oh, that is good news.

Uh, Benson says
that we can expect

a significant rise
in the standard of living.

I don't know
that I totally
agree with that.

It's in the speech, sir!

Oh! Oh, let me see that.

Oh, Benson.
Get up.

You look silly.

BENSON: Stop, stop, stop.

You know, he's right.
I do say that

there will be a rise
in the standard of living.

Oh, and notice the way
"judgment" is spelled
correctly here.

It's just one "e."
That's the right way.

This is Benson.

I absolutely could not
do without him.

As you just saw.

Oh, I thank you
very much, Benson.

I think I can take it
from now on.

(CHUCKLING)

Well, let me see
if I can find my place.

The standard of living...
We did that.

What are we
gonna do about this?

I don't know what
you're going to do.

I'm going to resign,
move to Venezuela,

and teach Dickens
to the Indians.

Oh, I don't know.

I don't think any of this
is much use to us from now.

I've lost track
of what I was saying,

and I think probably
you have, too.

Why don't I just say
what's on my mind?

I got nothing
to worry about.

Figure as long as
you're moving to Venezuela,

I'll just
blame it on you.

I think what just happened

can perhaps tell you more
about the problems I face

than any written
speech could.

I am constantly having to
deal with unexpected problems.

For example, you remember
my state-highways bill.

(SNICKERS)

Well, you should,
because in my campaign,

I promised all up
and down the state

that I would push it through.

I haven't.

It's still locked
in committee,

and I'm just as angry
about it as you are.

Well, that doesn't mean
we're not gonna get it.

If you recall,
my rent-control bill

was sidetracked last year
in exactly the same way,

and we pushed that through.

I say "we," because
I certainly couldn't have
done it alone.

Now what we've got to do

is hang in there
on this highways bill

and get the legislature
off its butt.

This is a good state.

But we can make it
better together.

I guess that's really
all I wanted to say.

Thanks for tuning in.

Good night.

You're clear.

And we're off the air.

Yeah, but are
we still in office?

(SIGHS) Well,
ladies and gentlemen,

I would love to know who is
responsible for this debacle.

Yeah, we want to know
who's responsible for this...

What was that word
you used?

I'm afraid
it was my fault, sir.

No, no, no, it was more
my fault than it was yours.

Marcy, I'm not concerned
with whose fault it was.

But I ruined your speech.
Oh, nonsense.

I don't think it went badly.
Do you, Benson?

No, sir. "Badly" isn't
the word I'd use.

Peter, we'd better call
the TV station

and see exactly how badly
this speech did go.

Well, I just feel terrible.

I mean, I was
so self-involved

that I messed up
all the cue cards.

And then Dan said something

and made me drop them
altogether.

What did you say?

I said, "Yes."

In answer
to what question?

I asked him to marry me,
and he said "yes."

He said, "Yes."

(CHUCKLING)
Thank god!

Marcy's getting married.

Ohh!

I feel almost like crying.

You should have heard
your speech, sir.

Thank you, Benson.

Uh, sir, while we're
waiting for some reaction,

perhaps it would be
a good idea

to get a statement out
about this disaster.

Well, it isn't a disaster.

It's just
two people in love.

Uh, I meant
the speech, sir.

Don't worry about
your speech, Clayton.

I covered for you just fine.

So, have you set a date?

No, not yet.

Is tomorrow too soon?

Slow down, Mabel.

You're right.

There's plenty of time
to decide where and when.

Where?
Where what?

Where should we
get married?

I don't know.
How's city hall?

Cold and dreary.

Why don't you get married
here in the mansion?

Oh, I'd love that.

What do you say, Dan?

Oh, that would be wonderful.
Thank you.

Clayton and I have
an announcement to make.

Don't tell me, it's going
to be a double wedding.

Sir, our early feedback

indicates the speech
was a huge success.

Twenty-two of the calls
were favorable,
three were so-so,

and two people
were kind of surprised

to find that Ben Vereen
worked for you.

Isn't it beautiful?

Yeah. But, it's not very big.

It is for an engagement ring.

I love it, Marcy.

It looks almost real.

It is real, Katie.
That's why it's so small.

Morning.
BOTH: Morning, Benson.

Marcy, you're here early.

Well, that's because
I have something
I want everybody to see.

Notice anything
different about me?

Your hat?

She isn't wearing a hat.

Then it can't be that.

Look what Dan
gave me last night.

Oh, Marcy,
that's beautiful.
Isn't it?

When I get engaged,
I want a ring
exactly like that.

Only bigger.

Benson, do you know
anything about diamonds?

Yeah, my uncle
was a diamond cutter.

He was?

Yeah, he cut the grass
at Yankee stadium.