Benson (1979–1986): Season 1, Episode 20 - Old Man Gatlin' - full transcript

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(DOG BARKING)

Yeah, yeah,
yeah, I'm still here.

You remember those 300
chairs I rented from you

for the governors' conference?

Yeah, they got here all right.

No, everything's fine.
Just what I wanted.

Next Thursday.

So send over those
two gorillas of yours.

You know, the ones
that parked the truck

on the back porch and
then broke for lunch.



Tell them to get over here
and get these chairs out of here.

Benson, when are you going to

get these chairs
out of my kitchen?

Relax, Kraus. Somebody
made a mistake.

Ja. When they hired you.

(FEIGNED LAUGHTER)

Hi, Benson. Hi, Katie.

Is my lunch almost
ready, Miss Kraus?

Almost, Liebling. What is it?

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

What's that?

Yesterday's meatloaf.

Well, we're gonna
have to get another hotel.

The Marquis Plaza fouled
up my reservations again.



They put Governor Lyle and
Governor Pennington in the same room.

My God, they aren't
even in the same party!

Mmm, kinky!

Guess what, everybody?
I have great news!

They cancelled the conference.

They did?

They didn't tell me.
And I'm the chairman!

They didn't cancel the
conference, Governor.

What's the news?

Oh, well, I wanna
tell Katie first.

Honey, you better sit
down, it's pretty exciting!

Is there a chair handy?

Katie, my father
is coming to visit.

Oh, boy! That's great!

They are pals.

He lives in Colorado now and he
calls her every year on her birthday.

See, my father is
Katie's grandfather.

How unusual.

Well, that's just terrific, sir.

I'm sure we're all very
anxious to meet him.

Yeah, I know I am.

Meet him at the door
when he comes in.

I mean, he's my father.
So naturally I've met him.

Just not recently.

(STAMMERING)
See, what I meant...

We got it. We got it.

What is your father
like, Governor?

Oh, you'll love him.

Everybody loves
old Gibson Gatling.

He'll charm the
pants right off you.

I beg your pardon?

I... I didn't mean
that literally.

See, what... what I
meant was that he...

We... We get it.

Get your grubby mitts
off that punch bowl!

Miss Kraus, it
doesn't belong here.

What doesn't belong here is you.

I always put the punch bowl
next to the hors d'oeuvres.

It makes it easier
for the guests.

Yeah, and it also makes
it easier for the guests

to drop their little
wieners into the punch.

I'm putting it back.

No, you're not!

Touch it und die!

If I go, I'm taking you with me.

Benson, I am warning you.

Do not touch that punch bowl.

Mmm! Looks pretty good.

Are you finished?

Not yet.

Benson, I need a favor.

It seems there's
been some slip-up

with Governor Joseph's
hotel reservation.

Can't help you, Taylor.
That's Marcy's department.

Well, I don't want to
bother her about this.

It seems the hotel
didn't have a room

for a certain young lady
who recently joined the staff.

I see. Someone he
recruited in the lobby.

You think we can help them?

Sure. Let her stay
in your apartment.

You think she would?

I've had it.

There aren't any
other rooms available

and Governor Sutton
isn't happy with his.

He doesn't like the view.

Tell him not to
look out the window.

He hasn't got a window.

Daddy, is Grandpa here?

Yes, honey, he is.

But sweetheart, your
grandpa's in a wheelchair.

Now, there's nothing
to worry about.

It's just that he doesn't get
around as well as he used to.

(KRAUS SCREAMS)

Oh, Miss Kraus, I see
you've met my father.

Ja, rather suddenly.

Anybody ever tell you what
a gorgeous woman you are?

Once, but she still wouldn't
let him in the lifeboat.

Well, Dad, what
do you think, huh?

I can't believe it.

My son, the governor!

I'm glad I moved
out of the state.

Everybody, this is my
father, Gibson Gatling.

Pleasure to meet you, sir.
BENSON: How are you, sir?

Forget it!

Where's my granddaughter?

Here, Grandpa.

Come here, honey.

Give your old
granddaddy a big hug!

Here's a little something
I brought for you.

Thank you.

(CLEARING THROAT) Oh, uh, Dad,

this is Taylor, my aide.

It is indeed a pleasure and
an honor to meet you, sir.

You got soft hands, boy.

Probably never did
an honest day's work.

If he did, we missed it.

Don't trust him,
he's got shifty eyes.

Oh, actually, Dad, he's...

Don't back-talk me, Gene.

Uh, Dad, this is my
secretary, Marcy Hill.

How do you do, sir?

Very pretty. Thank you.

Easy to see why Gene
keeps you around.

Mr. Gatling, I'm not kept,
in any sense of the word.

Just kidding, sweetheart.

This is Benson.

How do you do, sir?

I do as I damn well please.

I noticed.

Benson runs the mansion, Dad.

Just see you don't
run it in the ground.

Come on, honey, I'll show you
how to drive one of these things.

Where's your manners, Gene?

Why don't you show me
the rest of the spread?

Isn't he something?

He sure is.

I haven't decided what.

You know, Kraus,

the way you handled
that reception last night,

you could have done a lot worse.

Thank you.

You, um, didn't ruin
anything yourself.

Thank you.

Well, no wonder they were
overbooked at the hotels.

They just took a roll call

and found out there
were four extra governors.

They're trying to
find the imposters.

I've got news for you.
They're all imposters.

Und their fathers
are even worse.

All day long I am being
chased by a motorized maniac.

Isn't that old man awful?

Last night he was coming on
to every woman in the room.

Yeah, and this was supposed to
be the Governor's chance to shine.

If the old man keeps it up,
they'll hang him out to dry.

Last night he was telling
me to come up to his room.

He's got some nerve.

He's got some guts!

(CLEARS THROAT)

Uh, good. Good, you're all here.

Benson, Kraus, Marcy.

I think an apology is in
order for last night's conduct.

All right.

I'm waiting.

You're waiting?

Not all day, I'm not.

You embarrassed me.
You embarrassed my son!

That party you gave
last night, it stunk!

And I'm being kind!

We appreciate that.

My son told a joke last
night and you didn't laugh.

Nobody laughed. It wasn't funny.

Taylor laughed.

Taylor gets paid more than I do.

Listen, my son is
destined for bigger things.

Now all of you,

you better shape up or there's
gonna be some changes around here.

Either he goes or I go.

Well, either way, I can't lose.

The Governor should be informed

of the problems
his father is causing.

You're right.
He's in his office.

Benson.

Wait a minute.

The Governor thinks
his old man is a great guy.

I'm not gonna walk in
there and tell him the truth.

You do it, Kraus.

Uh, well, I'm not so good at
that sort of thing. You do it, Marcy.

All right.

Then none of us will tell him.

You mean we're gonna let
that old man ruin our lives?

Of course. We'll just let him
take over the whole conference

and let the Governor
look like a fool.

Come on, Benson,
you're the only one

who can talk to the Governor
about something like this.

Ja, he listens to you.

Benson, think of
the Governor's future.

Okay. Okay.

I'll go save his future
and put an end to mine.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Come in.

Oh, hi, Benson.

Uh, Governor, do you
have a moment to talk?

No, he doesn't.

He has a moment to take
care of the state business

before he has to
address the conference.

What is it, Benson?

Keep up the good work.

It's about your father, sir.

Oh, isn't he too much?

Way too much.

Governor, I'd like to
tell you that your father

is a funny, lovable,
charming old man.

Thank you, Benson.

That's what I'd
like to tell you.

Sir, what Benson is being
so insensitive to suggest

is that your father is a
royal pain in the neck.

Governor, last night, he
gave his opinions to everyone.

They were usually
the opposite of yours

and it's going to be
very embarrassing to you.

Taylor, let me tell you
a story about my father.

Now you've done it.

When I was in high school,

I played end on
the football team.

Is that the end of the story?

No, no, no, no, no.

I remember the one game
that my father went to.

It was against Saint Joe

and we were behind by 13-7

with just a few
minutes left to play.

You know what my father did?

I give up.

He sent the coach a note.

And it said, "There's only
one way to win this game.

"Give my boy to the other team."

Of course, the coach laughed.

I mean, everybody did. Even me.

Then he took me out of the game.

Well, we lost anyway.

Sir, if I were you, I wouldn't
tell that story to anyone else.

It might mean the
end of Father's Day.

That's just the kind
of guy my father is.

He'll do anything for a laugh.

He's a real funny guy.

If your father's
funny, I'm Earl Butz.

Sir, your father is certainly
a unique individual.

I know. I've asked
him to stay on with us.

BOTH: You did? Definitely.

BOTH: For how
long? Indefinitely.

BOTH: Well, what did he say?

Well, he didn't want
to be in the way.

Oh, no?

But I persuaded him to stay.

Oh, no.

Come on, Gene.

Get your tail in gear.

You can't keep these
people waiting all day.

All right, Father.
I'll see you later.

Sir, could you
define "indefinitely"?

My son tell you the good news?

No, he told me you were staying.

Somebody's gotta look
out for my boy's interests.

From top to bottom he seems to be
surrounded by deadbeats and freeloaders.

But I'll fix that.

So you won't be staying.

You got a smart mouth, Benson.

But for some reason,
my son thinks a lot of you.

Just remember one thing.

Nobody is indispensable.

Nobody.

Right.

Nobody.

Yes, I know I made
the reservation.

But you can't hold
me responsible

for what happens
when they check out.

Of course I understand.

You know, I should
think you'd be flattered

Governor Halley took
a few of your towels.

Fine. Send him a bill.

God, I can't wait for the last
of these governors to go home.

Benson.

(IMITATING TAYLOR) Taylor.

I have to talk to you.

I'll check my appointment book.

Benson, will you listen to me?

We are getting national coverage

for the press
conference this afternoon.

All the wire services are
sending their reporters.

Fine. I'll lock up the bar.

The point is,

this is the Governor's
press conference,

and not his father's.

We have to find a way to keep that
old man out of the press conference.

What do you want me
to do? Bend his axle?

I'd like to take it and
wrap it around his...

Hello, sir.

How are you?

Here we are. End of
the line. Everybody out.

Thanks for the ride, Grandpa.

Just remember your
end of the bargain.

You've gotta do your homework.

But I tricked you.

I don't have any
homework, Grandpa.

Why, you...

You hear that? She
got the better of me.

Runs in the family.
Just like her granddaddy.

With luck she'll outgrow it.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Oh, Gene. Gene.

I know you're nervous
about this press conference,

but don't be. I'll be
right there with you.

Oh, no. That's really not
necessary, Mr. Gatling.

Button up, four-eyes.

Now listen, Gene.

These reporters are coming
from all over the country.

We play our cards right, the next
stop could be the White House.

Oh, Dad, I... I don't have the
qualifications to be President.

Never stopped anybody before.

You hear that?

Your staff thinks small,
when they think at all.

I'm telling you, Gene, you'll never get
anywhere surrounded by these losers!

You didn't deserve that.

I'm sorry.

Now, how're we gonna keep that
old man out of the press conference?

Oh, we'll have to
think of something.

I can think of a lot of things,

but none of them are legal.

Where have you been?

Mr. Gibson Gatling
sends his regrets.

He won't be able to attend
the press conference.

Now that's too bad.
What happened?

While he was taking a nap,

his wheelchair
accidentally rolled

down the stairs into
the laundry room.

Ladies and gentlemen,
in a way I'm almost glad

the governors' conference
has come to an end,

because every time
somebody'd say "Governor,"

I'd jump up and whip around

and nine times out of ten it
wasn't even me they wanted.

(FEIGNED LAUGHTER)

Forget the jokes.

On the serious side,

in the last several days,

we have opened the
door to new challenges.

(DOOR OPENS)

What an unexpected
surprise. My father.

My son.

He was a kind of an
unexpected surprise himself!

Oh, my God, they like him.

There's something
you want to say, Dad?

Oh, no, no, Gene. It's your
show. You go right ahead.

Well, at any rate,

this governors' conference
was very successful.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

What Gene means
is that he has been

very successful in
getting his ideas across.

And they're all very
good, by the way.

Go ahead, Gene.

Well, uh, actually, all the
governors presented their...

Let me tell you about
these other governors.

They're all a bunch
of good-time Charlies.

They're a bunch of party boys.

Excuse me, just a moment.

We gotta get him out of here.

What do you
suggest, a tow truck?

Just don't make a scene.
You'll embarrass the Governor.

It's too late for that.

Uh, all of the... the
governors agreed

that the conference
was very worthwhile.

Why wouldn't they? He
made them look good.

One of the important aspects
of the conference was...

What are you doing?

It's time for your medication.

I don't need any medication!

You're going to.
You were saying, sir.

It would be
inaccurate to suggest...

Benson, I'll have your
job if you don't let me go!

If you don't watch
it, I'll let you take it!

Let go of that... I cannot...

I would like to request
your, uh, indulgence

for the interruption
of these proceedings.

As you no doubt noticed,

my father has his own
way of doing things.

He was just trying to help me.

I don't, in any way,
apologize for his behavior.

I just ask for your
understanding.

Now, as to the
specific proposals...

Want a magazine or something?

Just how long do you plan
on keeping me here, Benson?

Well, as soon as the press
conference is over, you're free to go.

The further, the better.

As soon as the press
conference is over,

you'll be the one to go.

If that's what the
Governor wants.

It's what I want.

And if it's what I
want, Gene'll do it.

Why don't you get off his back?

You've done nothing but
hurt him since you came here.

Just who do you think you
are telling me what to do?

I'm a friend of your son's.

I'm not sure you can
say the same thing.

Stay out of there. He's
doing all right without you.

Well, if he is,
it's the first time.

That's what you'd
like to think, isn't it?

That he can't make
a move without you.

It's true.

The hell it is!

He's been doing just fine,
while you've been sitting

on your big spread in Colorado.

He's run a successful business.

He's run for office.

He runs this state
and he can run his life!

Now, I'm not saying that
there's no room for improvement,

but he must be
doing something right.

How come you're the only
one who can't see that?

You wanna go out there and
mess up his press conference,

go right ahead. Go on. Go on.

What's the matter?

You're afraid you'll go out there
and find he doesn't need you?

That he's doing
just fine without you?

That he's better than
you ever let him believe?

Well, the press conference
went off quite well.

Yeah, well, sure
started with a bang.

Gene.

Oh, that's all right,
Dad. Forget it.

Don't interrupt me, Gene!

I want to talk to you.

I'll go pack. No. No.

You stay here.

Benson says I've been
riding you pretty hard.

Well, no more than usual.

I always did it for your
own good. You know that.

I'd do anything in
the world for you.

I said anything!

Well, how about a pat on
the back once in a while?

What for?

You know I'm proud of you.

Well, it's nice to
hear you say it.

All the time I was growing up,

you never once told me that
anything I ever did pleased you.

That you loved me.

Words like that just
never came easy to me.

I tried to show you how I felt.

Tried to show your
ma, the other kids...

Maybe I should
have found the words.

Thank you.

I...

Dad... I love you, Son.

I love you more than anything.

I love you, too.

That's a start.

Dad, I'd like you to stay on
here as long as you want to.

Don't get carried away.

Well, thank you, Gene.

I think I would like to stay
on a few more days and then,

maybe I'll go and
visit the other kids.

Might even mend
a few fences there.

You can start right here.

Benson.

(CLEARING THROAT)

Benson, I want you to
know that I didn't mean

all those harsh
things I said to you.

Well, Mr. Gatling, I
want you to know that

I didn't mean all those harsh
things I said to you, either.

Just some of them.

Morning, Benson.
Morning, Governor.

Your father get
off okay? Oh, fine.

His flight was a few
minutes late taking off.

He was probably telling
the pilot how to fly the plane.

You know, Benson, in a
way I feel a little bit guilty.

About what, sir?

Well, I know I
shouldn't be, but, uh...

I'm sort of relieved to see
him go. You know what I mean?

(CHUCKLING) Do I ever!

I hope when he's there he tries to
patch things up with my brother Harvey.

Dad hasn't seen him since
the day Harvey got married.

Was that Harvey's
wedding present?

Well, no.

I think it had something to do

with a loud comment
of my father's

that the bride had no
business wearing white.

That could cause some strain.

Poor Harvey.

For some reason Dad was always
harder on him than he was on me.

I was always Dad's favorite.

I could tell.

NARRATOR: Benson is videotaped

before a studio audience.