Benson (1979–1986): Season 1, Episode 18 - Checkmate - full transcript

Again? Certainly.

My wallet. My keys.

My liver.

Thank you so much.

My back's much better since
I've been coming to see you.

These Russians act like
I'm trying to cross the border.

There's some guy
named Jack on the phone.

I've told him once,

I've told him a thousand
times never to call me again.

I'll tell him you don't
want to talk to him.

Fine. And if he
wants to know why,



have him call me
at home tonight.

Not yet, Alexei, I'm still thinking.
Could you come back later?

He's a remarkable boy, no?

MARCY: Yes.

How long has Alexei
been doing this?

For two hours.

Your Governor has
yet to make first move.

No, no, I mean, he's awfully
young to be a chess champion.

He must have started
at a very early age.

In Soviet Union we
do everything well

at early age.

Really?

You must be burnt out by now.

Oh, come on. We've gone
through this 10 times already.



You keep this up and
your friend over there

is gonna get jealous.

You don't understand a
word of English, do you?

You're one of the ugliest
Twinkies I've ever seen.

Think about that for a while.

Benson, what do you
think I should do here?

Beg for mercy.

Hi, Alexei.

(SHUSHING)

I found the record
you wanted to listen to.

(ALL SHUSHING)

Look, but do not touch.

And that goes for me, too.

Out of my way, you Cossack.

You put one hand on me
und I put you on the floor.

Gretchen, I... Out
of my way, commie!

Gretchen, what's the matter?

I'm sick and tired of being
pawed at by that Russian dog.

It is necessary
precaution for security.

Oh, yeah? Well, what
about our security?

How would you like
it if we did that to you?

(LAUGHING)

All right, now.

Everybody just simmer down.

Now, let's get on with the game.

Personally, I'd like a rematch.

What do you say, Alexei?

Where is he?

Well, maybe he went to wash up.

Right. He's
probably in the john.

The john?

Forgive me. The Ivan.

Maybe he stepped
out for some fresh air.

He goes nowhere alone.

Not even to the Ivan?

Nowhere!

All right, we've
got to find him.

Mr. Petrov, there's no
need to get so upset.

I'm sure he's around
here somewhere.

Unless he decided to defect.

He would never defect.

Well, I would, if I couldn't
go to the Ivan alone.

You get to your homework.

The police will find Alexei.

They aren't gonna find him.

I think he went back to Russia.

Oh, that would be
a pretty long swim.

But then again, maybe not.

Russia seems to be
getting closer all the time.

Your homework is waiting, Katie.

I don't blame him
for running away.

He was supposed to
go home last month,

but they kept making
the tour longer and longer.

How do you know that?

He told me. He's homesick.

Miss Kraus, do you
ever get homesick?

Ja, Liebling, but it is like they
say, you can't go home again.

Why not?

They rented my room.

(SHUSHING)

Alexei!

Da, I know.

Katie. Da, I know.

But do you know they're
looking all over for you?

You will not tell them
where I am being, no?

Oh, no, I swear to God.

Who?

I won't tell. But
you can't stay here.

Please, I am very
empty in the stomach.

Help yourself.

Not like that.

Is good.

You may be an expert at chess,

but you got a lot to
learn about cookies.

Here's how you do it.

See?

Let me try.

Okay. But not here.

We've got to hide
you up in the attic.

What is attic?

Well, nobody ever goes up there.

It's a small room with low ceilings,
no windows and it smells kind of musty.

Ah, sounds like home.

Mr. Petrov, our people are busy
searching for Alexei right now.

I think you enjoy
your work too much.

Get away from me!

I just got through checking
out the tool shed, sir. No luck.

Really?

Could it be that you are not
wanting us to find the boy, hmm?

That you are making
what is just a show?

Benson, Mr. Petrov
would like to take

another look around the mansion.

Well, what good
is that gonna do?

Governor, I've already
shown it to him 20 times.

That one tracks dirt
all over the carpet.

This one smokes cigars,
never heard of an ashtray.

We wish to see every room again.

What are you,
Russian looky-loos?

If you want to see
this house again,

you're gonna have to
make a down payment.

Benson does have
a point, Mr. Petrov.

It's pretty obvious
that the boy isn't here.

Since you refuse
to allow a search,

I have no choice but
to contact my consulate

and inform them
what you have done.

What is he talking about?

Just a minute, Benson.

What are you talking about?

The boy.

You took him.

No, we didn't.

Are you saying we
kidnapped the boy?

In your language, you betcha.

Off the record, Petrov,

I know what you're up to

and it's real dirty politics.

On the record,

I know you're
under a lot of stress,

but that's a very
serious allegation.

This is very
serious provocation.

A clumsy attempt to
embarrass Soviet Union.

In world opinion, this
incident will work to advantage

of my government.

Now, wait a minute. I thought we
were talking about an 11-year-old child

who may be wandering
around out there somewhere.

We are, but he's talking about

lobbing mortar rounds
on the front lawn.

Whatever happens, is your fault.

Well, that stinks.

That's off the record.

I officially protest that you
have the boy in this house.

Now, you know that's not true.

I know nothing.

Well, at least you
know that much.

This is your last chance.

I insist you give
me now the boy.

Benson, is Alexei in the house?

Governor, these guys looked in
rooms I didn't even know we had.

I wish I knew where he
was, but he's not here.

Now, I give you my word.
We didn't take the boy.

And I say you did.

Mr. Petrov, why don't you
just come out and call me a liar?

I would have.

I couldn't think of the word.

Well, I can think of
a great many words.

I'm trying hard not to say them.

Just say, no comment,
and leave it at that.

When the state
police find Alexei,

you'll be the first to know.

Good evening, Mr. Petrov.

(SNAPPING FINGERS)

I am warning to you.

From now on Soviet Union
no more Mr. Nice Guy.

We will not tolerate this act of
American imperialist aggression!

Look, I hear that kind of
stuff all the time on the news.

And I'm about
up to here with it.

Now, Benson... Now, the
Governor is an elected official,

you're a visiting official,

but I'm not an
official anything,

so there's nothing to keep me
from throwing you the hell out of here!

If you'll excuse me, I
have to get back to work.

All right, Benson, where is it?

Down the hall and to the left.

Come on, Benson,
don't fool around with me.

I wouldn't dream of it.

Where are my groceries?

Well, you're in the kitchen.
You must be getting warm.

Benson, I just
called the grocer,

und he said the delivery boy

left my order on the back porch

two hours ago
and I can't find it.

Kraus, if you're trying to cover
up for those dogs, forget it.

You think the dogs
ate the groceries?

And the delivery boy.

$22 worth of groceries
can't just disappear.

$22 worth of groceries

can slip through a
crack in the porch.

Well, just between you and me,

something is very strange here.

And I got an
idea who it is, too.

Hi, Katie. Nothing!

That was my next question.

Well, I'll see you
later, Benson.

Yeah. You think you'll
make it back by spring?

What do you mean?

You look like a squirrel
hoarding up for the winter.

Oh, this. Yeah, that.

Oh, this is just a little snack.

What are you gonna
do with all that stuff?

You promise not to tell
anybody else? Maybe.

I have a tapeworm.

Really?

Well, I'll talk to
you later, Benson.

I've got to be running along.

You eat all that stuff
and you'll be rolling along.

Did you have enough?

Was good. What was it?

Those white things
were marshmallows

and those yellow
things were potato chips

and the rest was just junk food.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Who is it?

BENSON: Reverend
Ike. It's time to pray.

KATIE: Just a minute.

Come in.

Oh, Benson. Hi.

Come on, Katie. Where is he?

Where's who?

Come on, Katie.

We got a real problem
here and I need to know.

What makes you think he's here?

I followed the trail of M&M's.

It is all right, Katie.

I do not want to make trouble.

But you haven't
made any trouble.

You wanna bet?

The Russians are
claiming we kidnapped him.

But we didn't.

Yeah, I know that,
and you know that.

And even if the
Russians know that,

they're not going to
admit they know that.

Then I will tell them the truth.

Unfortunately, son, they're
not interested in the truth.

They're looking to make
a big magilla out of this

and so far they've
done a pretty good job.

You disappear.

They say we've got
you and here you are.

I must go back to
Comrade Petrov.

But if you do that, he'll just
make you keep on with the tour.

What else can I do?

Benson, you have to help him.

You just have to.

Please, sir.

I do dumb thing to run away.

It is only because I miss too
much my mother and father.

Will you help me? Please?

Well, son, it's not that easy.

I don't know what I can do.

I only want to go home.

I have nobody else
to help me. Please.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, in other words, Alexei
was here all the time.

Yes, sir. Here.

Right. In this house.

That's what I said. And
you're sure that it was him?

I didn't stop to
check his passport.

About this tall, lots of curls.

Sir, it's him.

I'm convinced.

And yesterday you were
convinced that he wasn't here.

Thanks to Benson.

You do remember telling
us that he wasn't here,

just before you
threw Mr. Petrov out.

This is very damaging, Benson.

So's a left hook, Taylor.

Gentlemen, please.

Did you see Alexei?

Oh, poor kid. He
must be terrified.

Yeah, he's in with
Katie watching cartoons.

Remind me to have a
good, long talk with Katie

about her part in all this.

Well, I wouldn't be
too hard on her, sir.

This is her first violation
of international law.

Doesn't anyone care that the
Governor's entire political future

is at stake here?

I think the boy comes before
any political considerations, Taylor.

We have to give him back.

But not yet.

Well, what are you
suggesting, Benson? Asylum?

No one's suggesting
asylum, Taylor,

unless it's your doctor.

Why, you...

Sir, before we give Alexei back,

we need some kind of
guarantee from Petrov

that he'll end the tour
and take the kid home.

Well, I'll do all I can
through official channels,

but it seems to me we have
to return Alexei immediately

and then try to
explain what happened.

Sir, they won't let you explain.

The boy was here, so
no matter what you say,

they'll twist it around to
try to make you look bad.

I hate to admit it,
sir, but he's right.

If we could figure out a way to
get you and Alexei off the hook,

maybe we can make
a deal with Petrov.

Benson, you can't make
a deal with a man like that.

He'd say anything
to get that boy back.

What makes you say that?

Well, he called me
at home last night...

I'm in the book.

Anyway, he said he was
calling out of concern for you

and that if I had any
influence with you at all,

that I should try to convince
you to give the boy back

for your own good.

Oh, he was just trying to
find out if the kid was here.

Well, of course he was.

That's all he said?

Well, he did ask me to
have a drink with him.

Said it would be the last time he
would be seeing a woman for a long time.

Well, that's a novel approach.

The man sounds desperate to me.

Thanks a lot.

No, no, no, no, I
don't mean it that way.

What I mean is,

if he thinks he's gonna be
out of circulation for a while,

this could mean
he's in big trouble.

Do you think you could
arrange a meeting, Marcy?

I could, but I don't want to.

No, not for you. For me.

I don't know if that's
such a good idea. Oh, I do.

It's a great idea.

If it doesn't work, we'll
blame it on Benson.

Marcy... Just tell
me where and when.

Municipal Park.
Whenever. All right.

Benson, you know you
don't have to do this.

Yeah, I know, sir, but
there's a kid up there

that wants to see
his mother and father.

And my mother always told me if
a man can stop to help his brother,

he'll be rich with the
blessings of friends.

Your mother was
a very wise woman.

Yeah, but she's
got a fool for a son.

Continue doing as you are doing.

Pretend you do not notice me.

Very dangerous to do this in
the park but I have no choice.

Sit down! It could mean
the end of both of us.

All right.

Now, do you or do you
not have what I want?

Quickly!

Benson. Benson.

Yeah.

Who's that? I don't know.

Congratulations, you just
mugged Harold J. Adams,

black hair, brown eyes,
"must wear corrective lenses."

I'll have to mail that to him.

You were late.

A couple of minutes. You
didn't have to start without me.

And do not look at me
when you speak. Turn around.

We are being watched.

You must have been followed.

I wasn't followed.
How can you be sure?

How can I be sure?

James Bond couldn't
have followed me here.

I took a cab all the way
down to Charger Street,

jumped on a moving bus,

which took me
across to River Street,

back up to the other
side of the park.

I sprinted half a mile
along a winding path,

hurdling lovers,
punks and drunks

and I got here just in time
to watch you mug Mr. Adams,

so don't tell me I was followed.

If anyone's watching us,
they must have followed you.

Please, I am a professional.

No one could follow me here.

Yeah? What'd you do,
walk here backwards?

Don't look at my face.

My pleasure.

Now, listen, Alexei ran away.

You know we didn't take him.

I know the boy was
my responsibility

and I am being blamed
for his disappearance.

Would it make any
difference if Alexei was found?

I'd live.

Ah, then you do have the boy.

Wait a minute. I didn't
say that. I said "if."

If Alexei were found, would
you send him home immediately?

Let me understand you.

You want me to end the tour

and send the boy
home to his parents?

Is this correct,
no? Is correct, yes.

Sorry, no deals.

Well, you said yourself,
you were in big trouble.

So is your government.

Okay. Okay, can we stop
this political stuff for a minute?

Now everybody's been real
busy looking out for himself.

What about Alexei?
Who's looking out for him?

You're right, but it's too late.

Well, what do you
mean it's too late?

Oh. It is a secret.

Oh, well, then if it's a
secret, you better not tell me,

because then I
can't tell you mine.

Wait a minute, you
have a secret? Well...

You want to trade? Well...

All right, wait, I'll
tell you. Hold on.

The entire matter is in
hands of Comrade Vosneski.

Who's that?

Oh, senior attache to cultural
and diplomatic relations.

The big cheese, huh?

What is big cheese?
The big macher.

Big macher, that I know, yes.

He's on his way now to
mansion to deliver official protest

and to denounce
Governor to reporters.

Petrov, if I can get you and
the Governor off the hook,

do you promise to send the
kid home where he belongs?

Da.

But how do I know
I can trust you?

You don't.

How do I know I can trust you?

You don't.

Then I guess we have
to trust each other.

Let's go. Wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.

You didn't tell me your secret.

All right. All right. All right.

In the third grade
there was this girl

named Elaine who
used to eat paste.

This is no secret. It isn't?

Well, don't look at me,
I never told anybody.

Although the Union of
Soviet Socialist Republics

has always maintained a
spirit of peaceful cooperation

throughout the world,

we remain vigilant to protect
the safety of our citizens.

Mr. Vosneski, if I could
just say something...

Acts of aggression cannot be
condoned by any civilized nation

nor can it be
condoned by our nation.

"The history of mankind
is marred by the..."

Are you crazy?

Miss Kraus, it's
our only chance.

But this is stupid.
It is foolish.

Don't give me no
lip, woman! Just do it!

I'm sorry. Go right ahead.

"The history of
mankind is marred

"by the breach of
trust between nations."

On second thought, never mind.

You won't be needing this.

There's no need to stand on
formality. You're among friends here.

Benson, this is Mr. Vosneski
of the Soviet Consulate.

Hi, how are you?

Nice suit. Come with the medals?

Who is this man?

I've never seen
him before in my life.

Governor, why don't you tell these
people what they're waiting to hear?

You mean about Alexei. Right.

Tell them what
you and Petrov did

when Internal Security heard
about the plot against the boy.

What plot? There was no plot.

No plot!

You see how well it worked?

They wanted everybody
to think there was no plot,

but the fact is

some group was
plotting to kidnap the kid.

We think it was the Chinese.

But be that as it may,
Petrov and the Governor

came up with this brilliant idea

to keep the kid
from getting grabbed.

They grabbed him first

and hid him here in the mansion.

And then they put out the story
of the disappearance of the kid,

knowing full well that
it would bring you here,

you know, to take charge.

And it must have worked,
because here you are.

You know, I've seen you before.

Did you ever fight Joe Louis?

Why I was not informed of this?

Oh, well, there was
no way of informing you

without informing
the wrong people.

Ah, good. Good!
The plan was great!

Petrov is a genius,
and the Governor, too.

Don't overdo it, Benson.

Just one thing. What's that?

The boy is not here.

Well, of course he's here.

Petrov's had his eye
on him all the time.

Now, I ask you, is
that a clever plan?

That's a clever plan, Benson.

You are all right?

He should go
home for a long rest.

If you think is best.

Da, I do.

Well, uh, would anybody
like some refreshments?

This occasion calls for vodka.

Vodka it is.

I told you Benson could do it.

I'm going home. I heard.

So I brought something
for you to take with you.

Thank you.

A toast to trusting
among peoples.

May we do it more often.

(GLASS SHATTERING)

What did you do that for?

It is one of our customs.

Beats the hell out
of washing 'em.

Benson. Yeah, Katie?

Can I ask you a question? Shoot.

If Alexei and I can be such good
friends, why can't our countries?

That's a good question, Katie.

I wish I had a good answer.

We get along real well.
Why can't the grownups?

Sometimes it takes more than
cookies to bring people together.

Maybe when you and Alexei
grow up you can change that.

Do you really think so?

Sugar, somebody has to.

NARRATOR: Benson is videotaped

before a studio audience.