Benson (1979–1986): Season 1, Episode 17 - Kraus Affair - full transcript
Kraus has a crush on the butcher.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(DOG BARKING)
Larry, we're trying to trim
the fat out of our budget.
I wish you could do the
same with your meat.
What do you call this?
That's a rump roast.
Yeah, but where
has it been sitting?
You want better meat,
you gotta loosen up your
purse-strings a little bit.
I can't.
The Governor's cutting expenses
as an example to the state.
I can't spend what I ain't got.
It must be tough.
No tougher than this.
Ach, Mr. Watkins.
You naughty boy.
You should have told
me you were coming.
I would have locked up the dogs.
Oh, that's okay.
The dogs know me.
How come they don't know me?
They know you. They
just don't like you.
But they like Mr. Watkins.
Oh, he's such a big, strong man.
Good morning, everybody.
BENSON: Good morning.
Oh, Gretchen, is that strudel?
That's for Mr. Watkins!
I mean... Would you like some?
No, I couldn't.
I could.
It turned out just
right. So flaky.
Look who baked it.
Please, Mr. Watkins,
can't I tempt you?
Uh, no, I don't think
so. But thanks, anyway.
Looks like Miss
Kraus is on the make.
Yeah and it's
not a pretty sight.
Hi.
Well, I gotta be going now.
(EXCLAIMING)
The life of a butcher.
What do I have to do,
take a number and wait my turn?
Look, uh, I'll see
you Monday, Benson.
Okay, Larry.
Goodbye, Miss Kraus.
Ach, let's not say goodbye.
Let's just say, toodle-oo.
Toodle-oo?
What are you, a train?
You worked him over pretty
good, didn't you, Kraus?
What are you talking about?
Why didn't you
just get a rolling pin,
hit him over the head
and drag him into the pantry?
Oh, come on, Benson.
Everyone has her own way of
expressing interest in someone.
Some people just get a
little carried away, that's all.
Oh, I get it. You want him
to be your boyfriend, right?
Did I say anything wrong?
No, sugar. Miss Kraus did.
Katie, you better
get going, honey.
You're gonna be late for school.
I'm not late.
You always tell me that when
you wanna discuss something.
Well, that's not true.
Last time I grabbed my books and waited
outside for the car for half an hour,
before I realized
it was Saturday.
I'm gonna be late.
Oh, Benson, I felt so
sorry for Miss Kraus.
The way she was throwing
herself at that butcher.
Oh, come on, Marcy, you
gonna start with this again?
Everybody's got problems.
Why do you have
to make 'em yours?
I don't.
I just think we should
talk to her, that's all.
I think we should stay out
of it. It's not our business.
How can we?
Don't you see how lonely
and frustrated she is?
I think what she needs
is a little friendly advice
and encouragement.
What Miss Kraus needs
is a personality transplant.
She just seems to be a little
inexperienced with the opposite sex.
Well, count me out.
You know, with a little help,
she might start
going out on dates.
I'm busy.
And if she went out more,
she'd probably meet new people,
find new places to go.
Please, I'm a very busy man.
She might even make a
whole new life for herself
and spend a lot less
time in the mansion.
But I'm never too
busy for my friends.
Uh, Marcy.
I'm not so sure
this is a good idea.
Kraus and I can barely talk about
the weather, let alone her love life.
You see, I'm not the
guy for this kind of stuff.
Benson. No, no, really.
I'm downstairs
busy with the bills...
Benson, you
promised me you'd try.
KRAUS: Go away.
We tried.
She doesn't mean that.
Gretchen, can we come in? No.
Thank you very
much. Have a nice day.
Doesn't mean that, either.
Uh, Gretchen, we're sorry
to just barge in like this,
but we thought maybe
you might be upset about what
happened with Larry in the kitchen.
Why should I be upset?
Just because I
made a fool of myself?
That's a pretty good reason.
No offense, but you were acting
like something out of a late movie.
You saw that one, too?
Gretchen, just be yourself.
I tried being myself.
I'm no good at it.
But you don't have
to resort to games.
Now, the idea is to be
direct, but not too open.
Responsive, but
not too available.
Know what I mean?
No, what do you mean?
Well, look, I'll be
you, Gretchen.
Benson, you be Larry.
So you're a butcher.
Yeah, what am I
supposed to say to that?
Improvise. Improvise.
Oh, yeah, yeah. I know.
I know. All right. All right.
Yeah, yeah, I'm a butcher.
Aha. And, what do you
like to do in your spare time?
Slaughter pigs.
Benson.
Well, how should I
know what he likes to do?
He likes to build dollhouses.
Say what?
You know, dollhouses.
With little windows and
doors that really open and shut.
Oh, great. We're fixing
her up with Geppetto.
Well, since you know
so much about him,
why don't you use it?
There's nothing a man likes
better than talking about himself.
Now, I'll tell you what. I'll
be Larry and you be you.
What about me? You be quiet.
Now, ask me something
about dollhouses.
Okay. BENSON: Yeah.
(CLEARING THROAT)
Ach, Mr. Watkins, how
come you never built
a little dollhouse
for little me, hmm?
What was wrong with that?
Well, if you could manage
to tone that down to begging,
you might have a shot at it.
The idea is to be cool.
I'll tell you what. You
be Larry and I'll be you.
Ask me out.
So, uh, Gretchen, would you
like to go out with me some time?
Sometimes I like to be alone.
What about Wednesday? I'm busy.
What about
Thursday? I'd love to.
Benson, why didn't you
just say yes the first time?
Sometimes a man likes a
streak of mystery in a woman.
Oh, mystery. You mean like this?
(CLEARS THROAT)
Would you like to know what
I have in my pocket for you?
I pass.
Look, we're not getting
anywhere like this.
Gretchen, I'll be you.
Benson, you be Larry.
No, I got a better idea.
You be Marcy, you be Kraus,
and I'll be leaving.
(COUGHING)
Okay, Taylor, I'm reading it.
(COUGHING)
Will you please stop rushing me?
I'm not rushing you, sir.
I was clearing my throat.
I know. That's what you do
when you want to rush me.
Those are fakes.
This is for real.
It's just that it's so chilly in here
that I've come down with a cold.
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Why don't you go over there
and work on the speech?
Late, sir.
Now, these are for the
Taxpayers' Association meeting.
Just put 'em down on
the desk. I'll get to them.
I don't mean to be rude, Taylor,
but this is a very important
meeting and I can't afford to get sick.
Sir, this is just a
cold, not malaria.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Come in.
You wanted to see me, Governor?
Now what did I want
to see you about?
Can you give me a hint?
Actually, I sent
for you, Benson.
I want you to do something
about the heat in here.
Oh, is it too warm, sir? I
can cut it down some more.
No, no. It's too cold already.
Taylor, I asked Benson
to keep the heat down.
Everybody wants to cut costs,
but nobody wants to be
uncomfortable or inconvenienced.
Right. Everybody wants to go to
heaven, but nobody wants to die.
If I'm going to tell the
Taxpayers' Association
that we've watched every penny,
I want to be sure
we've done exactly that.
So you've just got to get
used to being a little chilly.
Well, first it's my
hands and then my feet.
If I don't keep moving,
I'll freeze to death
one piece at a time.
But your mouth
will be the last to go.
Okay, Benson,
everything is in the freezer.
I just need you to sign this.
They loved that
pot roast I left, eh?
Uh, Governor loved it.
Both bites.
Hello, Larry.
Oh, yeah, hi. How
are you, Miss Kraus?
Gretchen.
What is that, German?
That's her name.
That is a very nice
shirt you are wearing.
It goes with your eyes.
Oh, yeah, thank you.
You're welcome.
You hear that?
Yeah, she likes your
shirt. And my eyes.
They don't do nothing for me.
Well, why'd she say that?
Well, you know Miss Kraus.
I thought I did, but...
Is something
different about her?
Definitely.
I mean, I saw her lots of times
but I never really
looked at her before.
You know, she's not half bad.
What half you looking at?
What did you say?
No. I said wait till
you get to know her.
So, uh, how's it going?
Oh, are you still here, Larry?
Yeah, well, I gotta
take off pretty soon.
Ah, well, it has been
very nice seeing you again.
Yeah, me, too.
Hey, listen, uh, Gretchen,
would you like to have
dinner some night?
I like to have
dinner every night.
That's a good one.
That's a real rib-tickler.
No, you know what I mean.
Would you like to have dinner
with me or go to a movie, maybe?
You mean, just the two of us?
Yeah. What do you say?
Well, I don't know.
Sometimes I just
like to be alone.
Yeah, well, what about Thursday?
Uh... Thursday I'm busy.
What about Friday?
Friday's good.
Friday I'm busy, too.
What about Saturday?
Saturday I have a
date with someone else.
That's too bad, because Saturday
is the annual Rotarian Dinner Dance.
I thought your date had the flu.
No, he's fine. No, he isn't.
I just talked to him
yesterday und he's fine.
Well, I talked to him
last night and he died.
But I'll have to...
As a matter of fact they
buried him this morning.
His last words were,
"Tell Gretchen I can't make it."
Well, in that case,
I would be very happy to go
out with you Saturday night.
Terrific. I'll pick
you up around 7:00.
She'll be ready.
Yeah, well, I'll see you then.
BENSON: See you, Larry.
You did it. You did it!
Oh, Gretchen, don't
just stand there.
Say something.
Hot damn!
Uh, look, are you guys sure you got
your figures right on our towel service?
We're running a
governor's mansion,
not a Turkish bath.
Uh-huh.
Well, can we get a discount
if we fold them ourselves?
No way, huh?
Look, unless you guys
come down 10% on your price,
we're gonna have to take our
business someplace else. Hello?
Hi, Benson, guess
what we've been doing.
Using too many
towels, for one thing.
We were out shopping
for Miss Kraus.
Why, we already got one.
Benson, wait till you
see Gretchen's new outfit.
She got a really pretty dress.
What good is looking pretty
if I don't know how to act?
What's the problem? It's a
dinner-dance. You eat. You dance.
Just don't do both of them at
the same time and you'll be fine.
I think I can handle
the eating part all right
but the dancing...
You mean you don't
know how to dance?
Well, I haven't since
I was a young girl.
I know, if he asks me to
dance, I'll say I have a sore foot.
Oh, Gretchen, nobody'd
buy that excuse.
Besides, dancing's fun.
All you need is
someone to practice with.
I got a sore foot.
Come on, Benson.
There's no music.
There's gonna be music.
I'm gonna hum you a waltz.
Just show Gretchen the steps.
The steps are outside.
She can't miss 'em.
Already I don't like this.
Ready?
(SCATTING)
(SCATTING)
(SCATTING)
What is this? What
are they doing?
Looks like a waltz.
Gretchen's going to the Rotarian
Dinner Dance on Saturday night.
Well, I didn't know Miss
Kraus was a Rotarian.
Gosh, I just love to waltz.
Hum, Taylor, join
in. Uh, sir, I'm not...
Hum!
May I cut in?
Yeah, my tan is fading.
(ALL HUMMING)
So, what a shame, huh?
What is?
Just standing here, letting 13 years
of dance lessons just go to waste.
Wait a minute. Taylor,
I got a hot one here.
Okay, Taylor,
I'll read it tonight
and then we'll talk
about it tomorrow.
Benson, it is absolutely
freezing in here.
Isn't there something
we can do about it?
Cut a hole in
the floor and fish.
Excuse me, gentlemen,
it gives me great pleasure
to present Miss Gretchen Kraus.
Look out!
Thank you.
Miss Kraus, Mr. Watkins is here.
(SIGHS)
Okay, Kraus, this is it.
Have a good time.
I can't.
Taylor, go entertain Mr. Watkins.
I wanna talk to Miss Kraus.
Oh, why me? I don't know
how to entertain a butcher.
Just chew the fat.
Come on, Katie. We'll
help Taylor stall him.
Come on, Benson.
I need your help.
No, sir. I think Miss
Kraus oughta be alone.
Benson, will you trust me?
What she needs now
is the support of friends.
A few kind words.
A little wise counsel.
Well, who doesn't?
Benson, I know women.
(GROANS)
I used to be married
to one. No kidding.
(SOBBING)
Go ahead, Miss Kraus.
Let it all out.
It's good for you.
Nature has all sorts of ways
to help us to release tension.
Crying, laughing, throwing up.
Governor.
Please leave me
alone. I'll be all right.
What the Governor
is trying to say is
that things like this can
make anybody a little uptight.
But I can't go there.
They will laugh at me.
Why would they want to do that?
(SCOFFS) You
wouldn't understand.
You're right. And unless
you tell us we never will.
Ever since I was a child,
they have made fun of
me because I was different.
I grew too early for my age.
Everyone thought I was
years older than I was.
I was still a child,
but when I did childish things
they laughed at me.
And when I tried to...
to act more grown up,
the children my own age
teased me and called me names.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
Well, no wonder you were upset.
What does that mean?
Stupid outsider.
Well, a few nicknames
are no reason to get upset.
When I was young, the
kids all used to call me goofy.
Look at me now.
You see? That's
right, you'll be fine.
I gotta go talk to Larry.
No, I'll go talk to Larry.
No, no, no. No. You
stay here and mop up.
I'll get Larry all set.
This is right up my alley.
I'll tell him the story
about the muskrat that built the
nest under Uncle Frank's boat landing.
Yeah, well, that should do it.
Oh, come on, Miss
Kraus. Stop that crying.
The stuff you're talking
about was 30 years ago.
Twenty.
Well, 20, 30, it's a long
time to hide out in a room.
You can do that if you want to,
or you can go out
and take a chance
that you might have a good time.
Oh, Benson, you don't know
what it's like to be different.
I think I might have some idea.
I just don't know
if I can do it.
Yeah.
Okay. It's up to you.
You can go out with Larry
or you can send him away.
Of course, if the Governor gets
started on that muskrat story,
you won't have much of a choice.
Why don't you give it a shot?
Okay, you're right.
I'm going. Good.
No, wait a minute.
You'd better use this.
Your face looks like
you left it out in the rain.
Thank you, Benson.
You know, sometimes you can be
a real gemuetlich when you want to.
Yeah, that's what my
mother used to say.
"Benson, you can be a real
gemuetlich when you want to."
Oh, Governor, what
are you doing here?
Oh, nothing. I came
down here to think.
In the dark?
Oh, I think much
better in the dark.
I just can't seem
to sleep in it.
Want some milk?
No, no. That'll
put me right out.
I've got to figure out
how to fix that speech
to the Taxpayers'
Association that Taylor wrote.
I'm afraid it'll offend anybody who
makes less than $100,000 a year.
He wants the people
who can least afford it
to pay the most in taxes.
Well, isn't that what we do now?
He's even got a motto.
"Let them work harder."
Well, no wonder
you couldn't sleep.
Well, I was able to doze off for
a while, but I had a nightmare.
I dreamt I was making a
speech in front of some big group
and I suddenly realized I
didn't have any pants on.
Well, that's one way
to get their attention.
Hi. Marcy!
Well, I saw the light on.
All the way from your apartment?
No, I had an engagement
and on my way home I thought
I'd stop by and look for my, um...
Miss Kraus isn't
back yet, Marcy.
Look for your what?
Oh, it doesn't
matter. It'll turn up.
You wanna sit
down and wait for it?
She came back to
check up on Miss Kraus.
I notice you're still up.
Midnight snack.
Oh, sure.
Good evening. Good morning.
Good night. No, no, no, no.
Come on, tell us what happened.
Did Larry ask you out again?
No.
Well, he'll call you.
No.
Well, Miss Kraus, try
not to be discouraged.
I'm not. Larry was a klutz.
He couldn't dance.
He ruined my shoes.
And by the end of the evening,
he was roaring drunk.
Other than that, how'd it go?
Drunk? I hope he didn't
try to drive you home.
That's the only
thing he didn't try.
Oh, wait a minute. Did
you just leave him there?
Yeah, we did.
We? How'd you get home?
The long way.
Oh, und if a man calls
und asks for the Countess,
it's not a wrong number.
Sounds very romantic to me.
Oh, doesn't it?
I'll get all the details in
the morning. Good night.
I can remember when I
was first dating my wife.
Of course, this was
before we were married.
We used to take
the long way home.
And I will never forget
what she said to me...
Please, can't this wait?
That's right! That's
exactly what she said!
KRAUS: Don't touch that.
That candy is a
gift from an admirer.
Well, if you eat all that, he'll
have a lot more to admire.
He likes me just the way I am.
Fat and stingy.
Oh, all right.
Are you sure you can spare it?
I hate that kind anyway.
So do I.
Hi.
BENSON: Hi. KRAUS: Hello.
Oh, Governor, you're back. Back?
Oh, from the Taxpayers'
Association. The speech went very well.
Much better than in my dream.
I can see. You
got your pants on.
Whose candy? Some
guy sent it to Miss Kraus.
Why? Well, maybe he's a dentist.
Miss Kraus, are you in love?
Not yet.
But I might be some day.
Governor? Oh!
Wanna trade?
I hate that kind.
NARRATOR: Benson is videotaped
before a studio audience.
(DOG BARKING)
Larry, we're trying to trim
the fat out of our budget.
I wish you could do the
same with your meat.
What do you call this?
That's a rump roast.
Yeah, but where
has it been sitting?
You want better meat,
you gotta loosen up your
purse-strings a little bit.
I can't.
The Governor's cutting expenses
as an example to the state.
I can't spend what I ain't got.
It must be tough.
No tougher than this.
Ach, Mr. Watkins.
You naughty boy.
You should have told
me you were coming.
I would have locked up the dogs.
Oh, that's okay.
The dogs know me.
How come they don't know me?
They know you. They
just don't like you.
But they like Mr. Watkins.
Oh, he's such a big, strong man.
Good morning, everybody.
BENSON: Good morning.
Oh, Gretchen, is that strudel?
That's for Mr. Watkins!
I mean... Would you like some?
No, I couldn't.
I could.
It turned out just
right. So flaky.
Look who baked it.
Please, Mr. Watkins,
can't I tempt you?
Uh, no, I don't think
so. But thanks, anyway.
Looks like Miss
Kraus is on the make.
Yeah and it's
not a pretty sight.
Hi.
Well, I gotta be going now.
(EXCLAIMING)
The life of a butcher.
What do I have to do,
take a number and wait my turn?
Look, uh, I'll see
you Monday, Benson.
Okay, Larry.
Goodbye, Miss Kraus.
Ach, let's not say goodbye.
Let's just say, toodle-oo.
Toodle-oo?
What are you, a train?
You worked him over pretty
good, didn't you, Kraus?
What are you talking about?
Why didn't you
just get a rolling pin,
hit him over the head
and drag him into the pantry?
Oh, come on, Benson.
Everyone has her own way of
expressing interest in someone.
Some people just get a
little carried away, that's all.
Oh, I get it. You want him
to be your boyfriend, right?
Did I say anything wrong?
No, sugar. Miss Kraus did.
Katie, you better
get going, honey.
You're gonna be late for school.
I'm not late.
You always tell me that when
you wanna discuss something.
Well, that's not true.
Last time I grabbed my books and waited
outside for the car for half an hour,
before I realized
it was Saturday.
I'm gonna be late.
Oh, Benson, I felt so
sorry for Miss Kraus.
The way she was throwing
herself at that butcher.
Oh, come on, Marcy, you
gonna start with this again?
Everybody's got problems.
Why do you have
to make 'em yours?
I don't.
I just think we should
talk to her, that's all.
I think we should stay out
of it. It's not our business.
How can we?
Don't you see how lonely
and frustrated she is?
I think what she needs
is a little friendly advice
and encouragement.
What Miss Kraus needs
is a personality transplant.
She just seems to be a little
inexperienced with the opposite sex.
Well, count me out.
You know, with a little help,
she might start
going out on dates.
I'm busy.
And if she went out more,
she'd probably meet new people,
find new places to go.
Please, I'm a very busy man.
She might even make a
whole new life for herself
and spend a lot less
time in the mansion.
But I'm never too
busy for my friends.
Uh, Marcy.
I'm not so sure
this is a good idea.
Kraus and I can barely talk about
the weather, let alone her love life.
You see, I'm not the
guy for this kind of stuff.
Benson. No, no, really.
I'm downstairs
busy with the bills...
Benson, you
promised me you'd try.
KRAUS: Go away.
We tried.
She doesn't mean that.
Gretchen, can we come in? No.
Thank you very
much. Have a nice day.
Doesn't mean that, either.
Uh, Gretchen, we're sorry
to just barge in like this,
but we thought maybe
you might be upset about what
happened with Larry in the kitchen.
Why should I be upset?
Just because I
made a fool of myself?
That's a pretty good reason.
No offense, but you were acting
like something out of a late movie.
You saw that one, too?
Gretchen, just be yourself.
I tried being myself.
I'm no good at it.
But you don't have
to resort to games.
Now, the idea is to be
direct, but not too open.
Responsive, but
not too available.
Know what I mean?
No, what do you mean?
Well, look, I'll be
you, Gretchen.
Benson, you be Larry.
So you're a butcher.
Yeah, what am I
supposed to say to that?
Improvise. Improvise.
Oh, yeah, yeah. I know.
I know. All right. All right.
Yeah, yeah, I'm a butcher.
Aha. And, what do you
like to do in your spare time?
Slaughter pigs.
Benson.
Well, how should I
know what he likes to do?
He likes to build dollhouses.
Say what?
You know, dollhouses.
With little windows and
doors that really open and shut.
Oh, great. We're fixing
her up with Geppetto.
Well, since you know
so much about him,
why don't you use it?
There's nothing a man likes
better than talking about himself.
Now, I'll tell you what. I'll
be Larry and you be you.
What about me? You be quiet.
Now, ask me something
about dollhouses.
Okay. BENSON: Yeah.
(CLEARING THROAT)
Ach, Mr. Watkins, how
come you never built
a little dollhouse
for little me, hmm?
What was wrong with that?
Well, if you could manage
to tone that down to begging,
you might have a shot at it.
The idea is to be cool.
I'll tell you what. You
be Larry and I'll be you.
Ask me out.
So, uh, Gretchen, would you
like to go out with me some time?
Sometimes I like to be alone.
What about Wednesday? I'm busy.
What about
Thursday? I'd love to.
Benson, why didn't you
just say yes the first time?
Sometimes a man likes a
streak of mystery in a woman.
Oh, mystery. You mean like this?
(CLEARS THROAT)
Would you like to know what
I have in my pocket for you?
I pass.
Look, we're not getting
anywhere like this.
Gretchen, I'll be you.
Benson, you be Larry.
No, I got a better idea.
You be Marcy, you be Kraus,
and I'll be leaving.
(COUGHING)
Okay, Taylor, I'm reading it.
(COUGHING)
Will you please stop rushing me?
I'm not rushing you, sir.
I was clearing my throat.
I know. That's what you do
when you want to rush me.
Those are fakes.
This is for real.
It's just that it's so chilly in here
that I've come down with a cold.
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Why don't you go over there
and work on the speech?
Late, sir.
Now, these are for the
Taxpayers' Association meeting.
Just put 'em down on
the desk. I'll get to them.
I don't mean to be rude, Taylor,
but this is a very important
meeting and I can't afford to get sick.
Sir, this is just a
cold, not malaria.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Come in.
You wanted to see me, Governor?
Now what did I want
to see you about?
Can you give me a hint?
Actually, I sent
for you, Benson.
I want you to do something
about the heat in here.
Oh, is it too warm, sir? I
can cut it down some more.
No, no. It's too cold already.
Taylor, I asked Benson
to keep the heat down.
Everybody wants to cut costs,
but nobody wants to be
uncomfortable or inconvenienced.
Right. Everybody wants to go to
heaven, but nobody wants to die.
If I'm going to tell the
Taxpayers' Association
that we've watched every penny,
I want to be sure
we've done exactly that.
So you've just got to get
used to being a little chilly.
Well, first it's my
hands and then my feet.
If I don't keep moving,
I'll freeze to death
one piece at a time.
But your mouth
will be the last to go.
Okay, Benson,
everything is in the freezer.
I just need you to sign this.
They loved that
pot roast I left, eh?
Uh, Governor loved it.
Both bites.
Hello, Larry.
Oh, yeah, hi. How
are you, Miss Kraus?
Gretchen.
What is that, German?
That's her name.
That is a very nice
shirt you are wearing.
It goes with your eyes.
Oh, yeah, thank you.
You're welcome.
You hear that?
Yeah, she likes your
shirt. And my eyes.
They don't do nothing for me.
Well, why'd she say that?
Well, you know Miss Kraus.
I thought I did, but...
Is something
different about her?
Definitely.
I mean, I saw her lots of times
but I never really
looked at her before.
You know, she's not half bad.
What half you looking at?
What did you say?
No. I said wait till
you get to know her.
So, uh, how's it going?
Oh, are you still here, Larry?
Yeah, well, I gotta
take off pretty soon.
Ah, well, it has been
very nice seeing you again.
Yeah, me, too.
Hey, listen, uh, Gretchen,
would you like to have
dinner some night?
I like to have
dinner every night.
That's a good one.
That's a real rib-tickler.
No, you know what I mean.
Would you like to have dinner
with me or go to a movie, maybe?
You mean, just the two of us?
Yeah. What do you say?
Well, I don't know.
Sometimes I just
like to be alone.
Yeah, well, what about Thursday?
Uh... Thursday I'm busy.
What about Friday?
Friday's good.
Friday I'm busy, too.
What about Saturday?
Saturday I have a
date with someone else.
That's too bad, because Saturday
is the annual Rotarian Dinner Dance.
I thought your date had the flu.
No, he's fine. No, he isn't.
I just talked to him
yesterday und he's fine.
Well, I talked to him
last night and he died.
But I'll have to...
As a matter of fact they
buried him this morning.
His last words were,
"Tell Gretchen I can't make it."
Well, in that case,
I would be very happy to go
out with you Saturday night.
Terrific. I'll pick
you up around 7:00.
She'll be ready.
Yeah, well, I'll see you then.
BENSON: See you, Larry.
You did it. You did it!
Oh, Gretchen, don't
just stand there.
Say something.
Hot damn!
Uh, look, are you guys sure you got
your figures right on our towel service?
We're running a
governor's mansion,
not a Turkish bath.
Uh-huh.
Well, can we get a discount
if we fold them ourselves?
No way, huh?
Look, unless you guys
come down 10% on your price,
we're gonna have to take our
business someplace else. Hello?
Hi, Benson, guess
what we've been doing.
Using too many
towels, for one thing.
We were out shopping
for Miss Kraus.
Why, we already got one.
Benson, wait till you
see Gretchen's new outfit.
She got a really pretty dress.
What good is looking pretty
if I don't know how to act?
What's the problem? It's a
dinner-dance. You eat. You dance.
Just don't do both of them at
the same time and you'll be fine.
I think I can handle
the eating part all right
but the dancing...
You mean you don't
know how to dance?
Well, I haven't since
I was a young girl.
I know, if he asks me to
dance, I'll say I have a sore foot.
Oh, Gretchen, nobody'd
buy that excuse.
Besides, dancing's fun.
All you need is
someone to practice with.
I got a sore foot.
Come on, Benson.
There's no music.
There's gonna be music.
I'm gonna hum you a waltz.
Just show Gretchen the steps.
The steps are outside.
She can't miss 'em.
Already I don't like this.
Ready?
(SCATTING)
(SCATTING)
(SCATTING)
What is this? What
are they doing?
Looks like a waltz.
Gretchen's going to the Rotarian
Dinner Dance on Saturday night.
Well, I didn't know Miss
Kraus was a Rotarian.
Gosh, I just love to waltz.
Hum, Taylor, join
in. Uh, sir, I'm not...
Hum!
May I cut in?
Yeah, my tan is fading.
(ALL HUMMING)
So, what a shame, huh?
What is?
Just standing here, letting 13 years
of dance lessons just go to waste.
Wait a minute. Taylor,
I got a hot one here.
Okay, Taylor,
I'll read it tonight
and then we'll talk
about it tomorrow.
Benson, it is absolutely
freezing in here.
Isn't there something
we can do about it?
Cut a hole in
the floor and fish.
Excuse me, gentlemen,
it gives me great pleasure
to present Miss Gretchen Kraus.
Look out!
Thank you.
Miss Kraus, Mr. Watkins is here.
(SIGHS)
Okay, Kraus, this is it.
Have a good time.
I can't.
Taylor, go entertain Mr. Watkins.
I wanna talk to Miss Kraus.
Oh, why me? I don't know
how to entertain a butcher.
Just chew the fat.
Come on, Katie. We'll
help Taylor stall him.
Come on, Benson.
I need your help.
No, sir. I think Miss
Kraus oughta be alone.
Benson, will you trust me?
What she needs now
is the support of friends.
A few kind words.
A little wise counsel.
Well, who doesn't?
Benson, I know women.
(GROANS)
I used to be married
to one. No kidding.
(SOBBING)
Go ahead, Miss Kraus.
Let it all out.
It's good for you.
Nature has all sorts of ways
to help us to release tension.
Crying, laughing, throwing up.
Governor.
Please leave me
alone. I'll be all right.
What the Governor
is trying to say is
that things like this can
make anybody a little uptight.
But I can't go there.
They will laugh at me.
Why would they want to do that?
(SCOFFS) You
wouldn't understand.
You're right. And unless
you tell us we never will.
Ever since I was a child,
they have made fun of
me because I was different.
I grew too early for my age.
Everyone thought I was
years older than I was.
I was still a child,
but when I did childish things
they laughed at me.
And when I tried to...
to act more grown up,
the children my own age
teased me and called me names.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
Well, no wonder you were upset.
What does that mean?
Stupid outsider.
Well, a few nicknames
are no reason to get upset.
When I was young, the
kids all used to call me goofy.
Look at me now.
You see? That's
right, you'll be fine.
I gotta go talk to Larry.
No, I'll go talk to Larry.
No, no, no. No. You
stay here and mop up.
I'll get Larry all set.
This is right up my alley.
I'll tell him the story
about the muskrat that built the
nest under Uncle Frank's boat landing.
Yeah, well, that should do it.
Oh, come on, Miss
Kraus. Stop that crying.
The stuff you're talking
about was 30 years ago.
Twenty.
Well, 20, 30, it's a long
time to hide out in a room.
You can do that if you want to,
or you can go out
and take a chance
that you might have a good time.
Oh, Benson, you don't know
what it's like to be different.
I think I might have some idea.
I just don't know
if I can do it.
Yeah.
Okay. It's up to you.
You can go out with Larry
or you can send him away.
Of course, if the Governor gets
started on that muskrat story,
you won't have much of a choice.
Why don't you give it a shot?
Okay, you're right.
I'm going. Good.
No, wait a minute.
You'd better use this.
Your face looks like
you left it out in the rain.
Thank you, Benson.
You know, sometimes you can be
a real gemuetlich when you want to.
Yeah, that's what my
mother used to say.
"Benson, you can be a real
gemuetlich when you want to."
Oh, Governor, what
are you doing here?
Oh, nothing. I came
down here to think.
In the dark?
Oh, I think much
better in the dark.
I just can't seem
to sleep in it.
Want some milk?
No, no. That'll
put me right out.
I've got to figure out
how to fix that speech
to the Taxpayers'
Association that Taylor wrote.
I'm afraid it'll offend anybody who
makes less than $100,000 a year.
He wants the people
who can least afford it
to pay the most in taxes.
Well, isn't that what we do now?
He's even got a motto.
"Let them work harder."
Well, no wonder
you couldn't sleep.
Well, I was able to doze off for
a while, but I had a nightmare.
I dreamt I was making a
speech in front of some big group
and I suddenly realized I
didn't have any pants on.
Well, that's one way
to get their attention.
Hi. Marcy!
Well, I saw the light on.
All the way from your apartment?
No, I had an engagement
and on my way home I thought
I'd stop by and look for my, um...
Miss Kraus isn't
back yet, Marcy.
Look for your what?
Oh, it doesn't
matter. It'll turn up.
You wanna sit
down and wait for it?
She came back to
check up on Miss Kraus.
I notice you're still up.
Midnight snack.
Oh, sure.
Good evening. Good morning.
Good night. No, no, no, no.
Come on, tell us what happened.
Did Larry ask you out again?
No.
Well, he'll call you.
No.
Well, Miss Kraus, try
not to be discouraged.
I'm not. Larry was a klutz.
He couldn't dance.
He ruined my shoes.
And by the end of the evening,
he was roaring drunk.
Other than that, how'd it go?
Drunk? I hope he didn't
try to drive you home.
That's the only
thing he didn't try.
Oh, wait a minute. Did
you just leave him there?
Yeah, we did.
We? How'd you get home?
The long way.
Oh, und if a man calls
und asks for the Countess,
it's not a wrong number.
Sounds very romantic to me.
Oh, doesn't it?
I'll get all the details in
the morning. Good night.
I can remember when I
was first dating my wife.
Of course, this was
before we were married.
We used to take
the long way home.
And I will never forget
what she said to me...
Please, can't this wait?
That's right! That's
exactly what she said!
KRAUS: Don't touch that.
That candy is a
gift from an admirer.
Well, if you eat all that, he'll
have a lot more to admire.
He likes me just the way I am.
Fat and stingy.
Oh, all right.
Are you sure you can spare it?
I hate that kind anyway.
So do I.
Hi.
BENSON: Hi. KRAUS: Hello.
Oh, Governor, you're back. Back?
Oh, from the Taxpayers'
Association. The speech went very well.
Much better than in my dream.
I can see. You
got your pants on.
Whose candy? Some
guy sent it to Miss Kraus.
Why? Well, maybe he's a dentist.
Miss Kraus, are you in love?
Not yet.
But I might be some day.
Governor? Oh!
Wanna trade?
I hate that kind.
NARRATOR: Benson is videotaped
before a studio audience.