Benson (1979–1986): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot - full transcript

Hi.

Hi.

I'm hiding.

I see.

There's a strange woman
out there. She's after me.

Tall blonde?

That's Gretchen Kraus,
the head housekeeper.

I didn't stop to get her name.

You! Who?

You are leaving muddy
tracks all over the place.

Well, that's 'cause
I got muddy feet.



I want your shoes.

They'll be too small.

You are tracking up the governor's
mansion and it is disgusting.

Fine, I'll walk on my hands.

This is some place you got here.

I came here as a
favor to Mrs. Tate.

And the dogs tried to kill me,

the gardener tried to drown me,

the security men searched me,

and now I got a storm
trooper after my shoes.

You must be Benson.

Why must I be Benson?

Well, the only other black

the Governor has
an appointment with



is tomorrow with the
Reverend Jesse Jackson

and everyone knows
what he looks like.

Well, that would make me Benson.

I'm Marcy Hill. Hello.

Nice meeting you, goodbye.

Oh, Benson, you can't leave.

Want to bet?

Look, it's just for one week,
just to help us get settled.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

Organize the place.

Nobody knows what anyone's doing

or spending on
anything around here.

What we've got
to do is cut back.

Get this place
running efficiently.

Eliminate waste.

Then get rid of Miss Kraus.

We can't do that.

(PHONE RINGING) She's
been here for four administrations.

She knows too much.

They're afraid
she'll write a book.

The Governor will
be done shortly.

Well, I'll just take a
walk around. Okay.

Hey, Benson.

I'm really glad you're here.

Governor Gatling's office.

Well, I ain't cleaning this.

No way am I gonna
clean this. This is a career.

You know, actually, this place
is crazier than the one I left.

Oh, well...

What am I doing here?

I keep asking myself
the same question.

Well, who are you?

Who are you? I asked you first.

I'm the exiled princess
Wilhelmina Von Luft of Amsterdam.

Pleased to meet
you. I'm Willie Mays.

Who are you? Who are you?

I'm Carmelina, commended
bareback rider with the Circus Vargas.

How'd you do? I'm
Winston Churchill.

Katie. Benson.

What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?

Is this what our relationship
is going to be like?

I hope not. It's exhausting.

I live here.

Oh, you must be the
Governor's daughter.

Yes, but I'm trying
to get out of it.

What happened?

He won't let you stay up late

or did he increase
your property taxes?

This is serious. Okay.

The man is a murderer.

Are you a Republican?

Do you know what he's doing?
He's in there killing beavers.

I beg your pardon?

Beavers. You know, beavers?

Oh, you mean the animals
that need an orthodontist.

Benson, I think the Governor's
meeting is breaking up.

Hi, Katie.

Hi. Katie?

I'm sorry. I don't
speak to killers.

Wonderful. I need
this today, a killer.

Look, Katie...

You work for him.
You're an accessory.

Honey, he's relocating them.

It has to be done.

Some of them are gonna die.

Oh... Katie, try and understand.

And who knows, today beavers,

tomorrow secretaries.

That's some little girl.

I'll bet the dogs
don't mess with her.

I don't believe this.

Governor, you can't
worry about those animals.

Such adorable fellows.
Building their little dams...

They're rats. They're large
rats who are flooding the roads.

They don't know
they're doing that.

Governor, please.

We can't expect
industry to build

a billion-dollar complex
if nobody can get to it.

They spend a lot of money.
People are excited about it.

The state needs
the jobs and revenue

and you could use
the contributions.

But we're killing beavers.

We're not killing beavers.
We're just relocating them.

To Oregon.

They'll like it there.
The trees are terrific.

Why can't they stay
here, in a... in a preserve?

You know the state doesn't have
the money to build a preserve.

Wish I was handy with tools.

Governor, you have no choice.

If we move these
beavers to Oregon,

in the process,
some of them will die.

And then Oregon will probably move
them someplace else and some more will die.

Pretty soon we'll have no
more beavers. But, Governor...

We're losing everything.
Fish, trees, animals.

Radio City Music Hall.

But, Governor, you
can't save the world.

You're the governor,
not Jacques Cousteau.

Our state will have no beavers.

Beavers don't vote.

They're so cute.

Governor... Okay. Okay.

Okay, we'll evict the beavers.

Good.

Marcy, ask the chauffeur to
bring the Governor's car around.

Why couldn't I be
Governor of Idaho?

Kill a few potatoes, who'd care?

Excuse me, Governor,
I'd like to introduce...

Introduce? Oh, this man
needs no introduction.

I'd know the Reverend
Jessie Jackson any day.

Welcome, Reverend Jackson.

Sir, this is...
Governor... Oh, not now.

This industrial complex
that we've been talking about,

this will create thousands
of jobs for your people.

I don't know how black
people feel about beavers,

but I do know how
they feel about jobs.

Governor, please,
for God's sake...

No, you'll meet
him. You'll meet him.

He's anxious to meet you, too.

Governor. What?

This is Benson. Benson?

Benson. Reverend Benson Jackson?

Are you sure he's the governor?

Yes, I'm the governor.

This is Benson from your
cousin Jessica's family.

You mean, we're related?

Aren't you glad I didn't
show up before the election?

Don't you remember, Governor?

You asked Jessica
if Benson could come

and help out for a week
while you got settled.

Oh, of course,
I'm sorry, I forgot.

You're Benson.

Yeah, he's here to help me.

I think he's beyond that.

You see, Benson, it has been
a little difficult moving in here.

Of course, if my wife was
alive, it would be a little easier,

but she's dead, poor thing.

I'm sorry.

She was killed by some horses.

Trampled? No, eaten.

Your wife was eaten
by horses, huh?

We were going to the
country club costume party

and she was the
sugar plum fairy.

They'd made her
costumes out of sugar cubes.

They ate her.

Would you call me a cab?

Uh, Governor, we better
go. We're due at the Cabinet.

Oh! Yes.

Benson, I'm glad you're here.

When can I talk to the
Governor about my job?

Benson, part of your job is
not to bother the Governor.

Well, then maybe
you could tell me...

And another part of your
job is not to bother me.

Some job.

Hello?

Hello?

Miss Kraus? Hello?

Miss Kraus?

Miss Kraus? Yes?

I'd like to see you in
the kitchen, please.

God, she's quick.

Uh, Miss Kraus, I've been
going over the food budget.

What you spend for
a week on food here

could feed a small
nation for a year.

Now, there've got to be
some changes, Miss Kraus.

Do you have any suggestions?

Yes, unfortunately
they're all obscene.

Perhaps you resent working
under me, Miss Kraus?

Under you? I will
never work under you.

I will work around
you or through you.

Your choice.

Well, I think we can
work something out.

Uh, well, now I noticed that last
night you didn't save the leftovers.

Leftovers! This is a
governor's mansion.

We do not drink out of jelly
jars and we do not save leftovers.

There will be no
leftovers in this house.

Never, ever, you tasteless fool.

If I ever see a bit of food

wrapped in that
stupid plastic wrap,

I will kill you.

How about tin foil?

Never leftovers, not ever.

It was just a thought.

It was a stupid thought.

Oh, Benson, it... Oh,
good afternoon, Miss Kraus.

No leftovers!

Uh, Benson, have you seen Katie?

Not since lunch.

Uh, Governor, would
you like some coffee?

Yeah.

Uh, I wanted to talk
to you about the house.

I don't know what
to do about Katie.

She's so concerned
about the beavers.

How do you make
a child understand?

How do you make the
beavers understand?

Well, that's true.
That's even harder.

Governor, about the house,

you know there's a lot of
waste that goes on here.

For example, did you know that

there are two third floor maids?

The governor's mansion
has to be immaculate, Benson.

But there is no third floor.

Governor, if the state is run

the way this house is run,

the beavers are
lucky to be leaving.

You think I'm a terrible
governor, don't you, Benson?

Well, I can't say, sir. I
haven't seen you govern.

You think I'm an idiot.

That I've seen.

You're probably right.
I probably am an idiot.

God knows, I feel like
one most of the time.

See, I'm not really
cut out for this, Benson.

No.

No. I was very happy
running my paper mill.

They came to me and said
I had to run for governor.

I owed it to the people.

Well, it's true that the people haven't
had an honest governor in years.

So they came to me and they
said that it was my duty to run.

Well, I never thought I'd win.

I never won anything in my life.

So I ran.

And I won.

So, now, I'm the governor

and the people have
somebody honest in the capital.

I might not be much
else, but I am honest.

And I've done my duty
and everybody's happy.

But me.

Because some of the time I
don't understand what's going on.

And most of the
time I feel like an idiot.

And all the time

I'm scared.

Well, I better
go look for Katie.

Boy, by the time I
find her in this place,

she could be old enough to vote.

Benson? Hmm?

Benson, would you please
drive me to the airport?

Where are you going?

I'm going to Oregon
with the beavers.

I don't think I can fit
all of you in the car.

Please, Benson, I
want to help them.

Katie, sit down a minute.

Sweetheart,

your father's got
a very difficult job.

Every time he helps some
people, other people get mad.

He can't win.

I know, the nature of politics.

But killing's never right.

That's true.

Unless, of course, it's
the German housekeeper.

KRAUS: I hear you.

Why don't they fire her?

She's the only one who
can handle the dogs.

Will you help me, Benson?

If you promise to go
upstairs and unpack.

Okay, I'll do what I can.

Thank you, Benson.
Okay, sweetheart.

What is this?

Beats me.

It's leftovers, Benson.

Well, uh, they're not for us.

They're for the dogs.

You like the dogs?

Like? I love the dogs.

You love the dogs?

Are you kidding?
I'm crazy about 'em.

Oh, how nice. I'll go get them.

Good.

Here, doggies!

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(DOG BARKING)

Morning. Any coffee, Benson?

Oh. Hey, listen. I
gotta see the Governor.

I've been up all night
researching this beaver situation.

The Governor's a busy man.

Where's the coffee?

Well, I gotta see him. Where
is he? Where's the coffee?

In the pot. Where's the
Governor? Same place.

Look, I gotta talk to him.

Now, Benson, that's very sweet,

but the Governor is
surrounded by experts with ideas.

Now, surely, you don't think he
wants to hear yours, do you? Forget it.

Stick to ideas on, uh,
making tuna fish exciting.

Morning, Benson.

Oh, hey, Marcy, your engineer
friend, the one you had lunch with...

And dinner and breakfast.

I want to see him. Me, too.

Call him. Tell him
to get over here.

Excuse me. First of all,

the man needs some sleep.

Second of all, I want
him to call me first.

We can't wait for that.

"We" aren't dating
him, Benson. I am.

Just call him.

I need to find out
about bridge building.

It's important.

I'm gonna blow it.

This wonderful guy
comes into my life,

adores me, and
look what I'm doing.

I'm gonna wake him up.

He's gonna be angry,
he's gonna think I'm...

Uh, hi, Tony?

It's Marcy.

Marcy Hill.

Last night, remember?

I'm a tall girl. Brunette.

And so, ladies and
gentlemen of the press,

on behalf of my company,
Nettleson Industries,

and despite the protestations

which continue even as we
are about to sign this agreement,

we are ready to break ground

on what will become the
state's largest industrial complex.

Now, progress will be...

I'm sorry I'm late.
I'm dreadfully sorry.

Governor, ladies and
gentlemen, I beg your forgiveness.

Thank you for
stalling. I'll take that.

What's going on here?

The Governor's plan has
checked out just as he projected.

It has? What plan?

(WHISPERING) What plan?
I didn't know I had a plan.

Uh, would you excuse us, please?

(WHISPERING)
Benson, the press is here.

If you embarrass the
Governor, they will destroy him.

And then I will destroy you.

(WHISPERING) John,
take your hands off me,

or I'll tell them you
and I are going steady.

Thank you. You
saved my reputation.

Benson, get out of here.

What, John? Oh,
no, I couldn't possibly.

It's the Governor's plan.

No, I can't present it. Well,
all right, all right. If you insist.

As you know, beavers build
dams which flood the roads

and with flooded roads
we can't build factories.

On the other hand, if
we get rid of the beavers

we violate a law of nature,

not to mention breaking
our children's hearts.

So, in light of this,

the Governor has come
up with the following plan.

I hope it's a good one.

Mr. Nettleson of
Nettleson Industries,

will build a bridge over the
highway the beavers flood.

(WHISPERING) What are
you talking about, you idiot?

(WHISPERING) I
knew you'd like it.

Now, as you can see,

Mr. Nettleson is not thrilled
about building a bridge.

The poor man is
as white as a sheet.

He's thinking, "I can't
afford to build a bridge."

But he can afford it.

All the money he puts
into public relations

he can use to build a bridge,

because, you see, the bridge
will be completely paid for

in the following manner.

On the bridge there will
be an observation deck

and each car will be
charged a nickel for its use.

In return, they will get a
Beaver Buddy bumper sticker.

At five cents a car,

the bridge will be completely
paid for in two years

and Mr. Nettleson will
have all his money back,

plus the best public
relations he's ever had

for free.

Once the bridge is paid for,

the additional
revenue can go toward

a dental plan for the beavers.

Surplus funds can go into a
conservation plan for the state.

So you see, the state
gets to develop industry,

the children get to keep
their furry little friends

and Nettleson Industries

becomes known as the company
that gave a damn about beavers.

Of course, once
they find out about it,

the raccoons will be
jealous, but what can you do?

Ladies and gentlemen,
the father of this plan,

the governor of your
state, Governor Gatling.

Here, John, stick it.

Benson, thank you.

What is this?

Lincoln discovered America?

How can I concentrate?

I'm too upset to concentrate.

Well, you're concentrating
pretty good on the cookies.

When I'm depressed, I eat.

When you weigh 300 pounds,

you're gonna be
even more depressed.

Oh, Benson, I feel so awful.

All week long I've been
calling my father a killer,

and now you tell me he
got up in front of everyone

with this brilliant plan.

I feel just awful.

You should. Thanks.

You work a lot with
depressed people?

There's a way not
to feel this way again.

Don't do whatever it was
that made you feel this way.

Makes sense.

So what are you doing?

I'm still depressed.

About what?

You leaving.

Well, I don't like
leaving you, either.

Then don't.

Benson, you're the only adult I've
ever met who talks to me like a person

and not like a little girl.

Well, that's 'cause I don't
think you're a little girl.

I think you're 46.

Katie?

Oh, Dad, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry. Can
you ever forgive me?

Please, I'm so sorry.

What did she break?

No, I've been so mean to you.

And you went and
saved the beavers.

I didn't save the beavers.
Benson saved the beavers.

No, he did. He's just modest.

No, he did. It was his plan.

Well, we both did.

Then I love you both.

Do you have homework? I did it.

It needs some fixing.

You finish it up and
then I'll come tuck you in.

Good night, Benson.
Good night, sweetheart.

Thank you, Benson. Oh, hey.

Benson, I've always
been a late starter in things.

I married late. I was 37
before I married my late wife.

I had a child late. I was
40 when Katie was born.

Boy, even my mother used to say

I always did everything late.

I crawled late. I
walked late. Talked late.

When I was about
three and a half,

she asked me in utter exasperation
if I ever intended to use the toilet,

and I said, "Later."

But, uh, see, now
I'm the governor.

I can't afford to be a late
starter here, for the people.

I don't even know
if I can handle it,

but, uh, if you'd
stay with us, Benson,

at least I'd know
my home was okay.

Would you stay with us, Benson?

Well,

I'll give it a try.

We'll see what happens.

Well,

wonderful, just wonderful.

I owe you a lot, Benson.

The beavers owe me more.

NARRATOR: Benson is videotaped

before a studio audience.