Benched (2014): Season 1, Episode 6 - Rights & Wrongs - full transcript

Yes, okay, he borrowed my records,

but if you don't bring them
back, that's stealing.

I did not murder him.

I loaned him records,
but, like, not forever.

Oh.

Just a second, please.

Highlights?

Yeah, thanks for noticing.

In honor of my pay cut,
I decided to do it myself.

Well, I'm sure you'll get better at it.

Listen, everybody, I have an announcement.



Budget cuts.

Wait, that qualifies as an announcement?

What does that mean?

That means they took more of our money,

so we're rationing. If you need
pens, paper clips, whatever,

see our intern Micah.

Oh, there's no money
to fix the fire escape,

so no more smoking on the fire escape.

I don't care. I promised my wife I'd quit.

So we don't get pens?

Oh, so your old money job

gave you all the pens you wanted.

Yeah.

Oh, so I guess I need pens.



I'll put you on the wait list.

There's a wait list?

Okay.

Here you go.

Hmm. Ugh.

Do you have one that's not chewed?

Uh...

Nope.

Nina, you can borrow my pen on Wednesday.

I'm gonna be out sick.

Oh, great.

Benched - 01x06
Rights & Wrongs

Here are all your cases
for today and your offer sheet.

That's all the deals from the D.A.

Okay, do I look like somebody
who's taken deals?

You look like a porn actress

who's recently got
her real Estate license.

Hey, Nina.

Sorry to sneak up on you like that.

So the Fletcher case...
Did you have a chance

to look at my deal proposal?

I didn't bother, 'cause if it's anything

like your last proposal,
then I'll say yes,

and six months later,
you'll change your mind,

and then you'll ask for the ring back.

It was my meemaw's.

It's actually not a bad deal.

Remember when you handed me this file?

I kind of feel like
that's when we were done here.

Next case.

So, Mr. Fletcher, okay,
so they pick you up

for riding your bike on the sidewalk,

they find a spray can in your backpack,

and Trent's charging you with
tagging and property damage

and four other made-up charges.

I'm innocent.

My only crime was driving while brown.

My guy, latino.

They stopped him for having
a weird look on his face.

People versus Fletcher.

You know, Trent might
have more fun with you

if you don't just lie there and take it.

Are you speaking from experience?

Okay.

- Defense, how do you plead?
- Um...

- Not guilty, Your Honor.
- Again?

So not guilty in some sort
of fun, sarcastic way,

or you're serious?

Your Honor, we're ready
to move on at this point,

if it so pleases the court.

You're wearing a pot shirt
to your trial on pot possession?

If the Judge sees this,
he will throw the book at you.

I thought it'd be, like, ironic.

Do you even know what that word means?

Just take the shirt off.
We'll go with the tank top.

Oh, what... the joint is
kicking the cop in the face.

What... where you do even
find a shirt like that?

Put the shirt back on.
Put the other shirt back on.

Dave, can I borrow your shirt?

- No.
- Take it easy.

Cheryl, can I please borrow your blouse?

Whoa, I'm not wearing a blouse, bro.

It's really more of a chemise.

I'm not wearing that either.

Mr. Barber, you offered a deal, yes?

Yes, we'll drop obstruct

for a plea on vandalism.

For which you have no case.

- We do, actually.
- Okay.

Well, then let's put 12
in the box and see what you got.

- You know what I've got.
- Not much.

Ooh, snap!

Not guilty, Your Honor.

Congratulations, Ms. Whitley,
that sets a new record

for trials at the taxpayer's expense.

Next case, People versus Gurango.

Mr. Corda, are you here? Going once...

We're here, Your Honor!

Moved to the bottom of the pile.

Mr. Corda, what a stylish blouse.

That's a chemise, yo.

Well, I'm glad to see that you and your ex

have dealt with your issues.

What, that? No, we're totally civil.

Are you kidding?

It was like watching
two people argue at an orgy.

It was like, just stop talking. Get to it.

I was just doing my job.

Are we like an orgy?

Nina, hi, could I have a word?

Yes, I'd be happy too, Trent.

Absolutely. After you.

Thanks.

So...

Mm-hmm.

I get this is new for you.

You're used to corporate law.

It works a little differently here.

Right, but I'm still a lawyer,
so I'm gonna go hard.

I think you're going too hard.

I'm going the most hard you can go

before you go too hard, which is
my level of going, as you know.

Which is why I know
that you're coming too hard.

If anyone is coming too hard, it's you.

You're coming so ridiculously
hard, I'm almost laughing.

You're overcharging the living
sh... out of my clients, okay?

Like Ortiz?

I mean, endangerment
of a protected species?

- He kicked a duck.
- Nudged, allegedly.

If your foot touches
a duck in a state park,

it can technically be charged
as a class C Misdemeanor...

Okay, so then at Dan and Emma's wedding,
when you threw a beer at a swan,

- then that would be lethal injection.
- Okay, Nina, maybe we should...

We should go.

Yes, thank you, Mr. Quinlan.

Mr. Barber.

It's not just Trent.

All D.A.S overcharge so they can get pleas

to lesser charges.

It just feels worse

coming from Trent because of his face.

So we're just supposed
to roll over and take it?

I mean, that doesn't piss you guys off?

Pisses me off.

It's one of a million things

that piss me off, but if I took a stand

on every single one of those things...

Well, I'm not great at math,

but that would be a lot of stands.

It would be a million stands.

What I'm saying is,

for better or worse, that's the system.

Wow, put that on a poster with an eagle,

inspire a nation.

Well, we're not here to serve the system.

- I mean, I'm here for justice.
- To win.

Justice.

To win ju...
Are you in a chemise right now?

My client walked off with my shirt.

Do you happen to have a man's shirt?

I... I don't.

- Phil?
- No. I like it.

Micah, how about...

Lunch. Something to eat.

I had to work with an ex once.

We were civil, but it could
get tough in private meetings.

You know, the familiarity, the taboo-ness,

having thoughts you shouldn't have.

Right.

So what did... what did you do?

We had sex in the bathroom

next to courtroom six.

No. Ugh, no. The relationship?

Oh, he got sentenced. Ten years in Chino.

Oh.

Huh.

Hey, do you have
one of those clip thingies?

Asking an intern for a paper clip

is a little bit more than my psyche

cabear right now.

I'm giving you
a lot of my office supplies.

People will talk.

Okay.

Is that fleter?

- Yeah.
- Tagging case?

Let me see.

Yeah, I'd grab a plea.

This guy's got priors,
no alibi, paint can.

It's a sad fact, 90% of our guys,

they did something.

Ring, ring. Excuse me.

Hello? Oh, yeah.

I'll be sure to tell him.

That was your career phoning it in.

Ah, what did my career have to tell me?

Just that it's phoning it...

Shut up.

Look, Trent's case, it's weak,

and the store next door
has a camera in the parking lot.

I get a hold of the security tape,

I prove my guy's innocent.

So what are you gonna do, fancy drew?

You gonna skip lunch,
head down to east L.A.,

and find some random tape?

No, our investigator is.

We have an investigator.

Just tell me we have an investigator.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Gary, right over there.

Last I checked,
he's backlogged a month or so.

Fine, I will go to east L.A.
and get that tape myself.

Have fun.

- Nina?
- Yeah.

Back from your adventure?

Whoa! Uh...

I'm assuming you know
you're late for court.

- Yeah.
- And your bronzer's a little uneven.

- It's mace. Yeah.
- Yeah?

No, I got lost. I got lost.

There was this dog, and I had to mace him,

and then I finally find the place

and there's a purse snatcher,

but you know, I know now

which way you point the mace,

so that's good to know.

But you got your security tape,

- so it's not all bad.
- Oh, no, no, no.

I did an hour of pantomime
with the Vietnamese store clerk

and I got a copy of National Security,

starring Martin Lawrence and Steve Zahn,

so that's gonna be fun to watch.

So the trip was a huge success, huh?

No, well, I did get another lead.

Yeah, the store clerk's cousin hangs out

at a gas station across the way.

He might be an eyewitness.

If I can get down to monterey park

with a translator before he ships out...

He's a merchant marine...

I'm gonna win this... I got it.

Trent's got nothing, and then,
finally, I beat him,

and he's the one crying at every stoplight

on his drive home.

Okay, yeah, you know, I understand

- wanting to beat Trent...
- Yeah.

But this is, you know,

- like, next level stuff here.
- Yeah.

Trent, he did a number on you, didn't he?

- What... what happened?
- Don't know.

I guess just all this...

Wasn't enough for him.

Ah.

- What's that guy thinking?
- Yeah, exactly.

- All right.
- You're okay, though?

Yeah, I'm... solid.

Hey, uh...

Rabies.

Is that, like... is that a thing,

or is that just for, like, kids?

- No, that's a thing.
- It's a thing.

It's a... all right, good...

- Wow.
- Answer.

Good an... okay.

Gonna go clean up.

Ohh... Hey, at least we got new pens.

Huh?

♪♪

Levia for erectile dysfunction.

Thank you, someone who...
I assume will remain anonymous.

Oh, hey, Micah, can you...

I don't make coffee,
and there's no coffee.

- Right, perfect.
- Ah, there you are.

Oh, I was chasing
a lead on the Fletcher case.

- I made court.
- Barely.

I got Judge Nelson up my ass
because of all the trials

you're setting, and for why?

- To win.
- To win.

Let me tell you about a guy,
a true believer.

He went hard after every case.

You know how he ended up?

I am not gonna end up like Phil.

Not Phil. Alan Bushmeel.

He jumped off the roof.

Went right past that window.

The point is, you can't win everything.

If you try, you're gonna lose your mind

and your health.

You get what I'm saying?

You brought the pens.

I got it. I won't say a thing.

I can pound nails with this thing.

I'm saying if you were less of a lawyer,

you could be a great lawyer.

You're working late.

What? Oh, no, this is nothing.

My last job, I set a record.

168 hours in a week,

which is exactly the number
of hours in a week,

but, you know, I got to say,
an hour at this job

is like eight hours at my last job.

Do you ever worry about burning out?

- Burt gave you the speech.
- Yeah.

I got the speech,
but for me, this is a calling.

- I can't just...
- Not try to win, I know.

Easier said than done, I get it.

There's a lot of stress involved.

My wife, not happy with the job.

And the smoking, dealing with it with gum.

- Oh.
- It's led to some stomach issues.

That's what these guys are for.

But the job is its own reward, and I...

Thank you.

It's really, really great
to have a true believer in here.

Yeah.

The blouse makes it weird.

No.

Well, we may need to compromise
around here,

but not on coffee.

My gift to the office.

Wow.

Is there a trick to this thing?

Anybody know the trick
to this thing, or...

Yeah, it's busted.

Great.

I'm looking for Carlos Corda.

Just want to say thanks
for what he did for my dad.

That is so sweet.

Yeah, he's right over there.

Thanks.

Oh, see, Carlos gets it.

He doesn't compromise on anything.

Are you Carlos Corda?

Oh, yes.

You've been served.

Seriously?

You know, you could've
just handed it to me.

I take my job seriously.

Props are all out-of-pocket.

Can I get my balloon back?

Yeah, sure.

Here you go, buddy.

Dick.

Sh..., man, she filed?

- Divorce.
- Yeah, I got that.

I'm so sorry, Carlos.

It's nothing.

You know Rosa.
She loves dramatic gestures.

Phil, remember?

At dinner, the waiter, he comes over.

He said the soup had no dairy.
Turned out it did.

She threatened to have him arrested.

She did. I defended the guy.

Yeah, and you got him off with a fine.

So it's not a big deal.
So this is not a big deal.

It's just not a big deal, so...

And I'm rested and fine.

Cheryl, let's win some cases. Whoo!

People versus Dean.

I don't suppose
there's some bizarro universe

in which we might avoid another trial?

Hey.

Baby's first compromise.

Well, um...

The people offered a deal.

And?

Okay, just a quick counter.

Jesus, shoot me now.

God, Nina, what is your problem?

What problem?

- I'm just trying to make this work.
- Then maybe your defense

should get another lawyer
who might actually make it work.

I don't know what he's talking about.
I'm just trying to do my job.

She can't let anything go, Your Honor.

I'm sorry. So I need a... I need a recess.

There he goes, the guy
who can let everything go.

Okay, that's it. My chambers now.

Ooh!

Oh, shut up.

The two of you are officially
locked in this chambers

until you settle these cases

and unclog the Goddamn court system.

No, wait, can't we do this...

Over lunch...

Congratulations, you just made
us both look like idiots.

Oh, sure, no, you take the power chair.

How is this the power chair?

You're framed by the bookcase.

It's better lighting, and you're
closer to the only fire exit.

I'm not getting a portrait.

You know what? Just take the seat.

- Take the seat.
- No, I don't want it.

I'm good. I'm good over here.
I don't want it.

Okay. Good.

I would prefer to stand.
I prefer to stand.

I want to be by the paper clip holder.

Okay, let's start. Dean.

Oh, circumstantial, no deal.

Okay, Ferguson.

Come on.

Okay, Fletcher.

Oh, Fletcher, the kid who was charged
with riding his bike while black?

Yeah, it's funny. I didn't see
that in the Penal Code.

Why can't you just admit
that you're wrong?

God, like you ever admit you're wrong.

- Uh... yeah.
- Hmm?

That time I convinced you
that rattlesnake was dead.

I was talking about the cases,
but, yeah, you could've killed me.

You have to win everything.

I do not have to win everything.

- No?
- No.

Name one thing.
Name one thing you didn't win.

Oh, no, I won that.

- It was kind of a rhetorical question.
- Yeah, no, I got that.

God.

Okay, you won side of the bed.

- You won sink next to the window.
- No, you said you wanted that sink

because the hot and cold were in French.
And why are you writing this down?

- You won the last two Thanksgivings.
- We went to your parents'.

Exactly, that was awful for me.

- You won Rick and Rav Neat.
- I didn't even want them.

All they do is talk about Game of Thrones.

Yeah, well, I want to talk
about Game of Thrones.

I haven't seen it yet,
but it's in my queue.

So what now?

You want to win the break-up too?

- Is that it?
- No, no, no, you won that.

You won that, so there's something.

There's a thing.

God, I gave you everything.

Everything, and that still
just wasn't enough for you.

See, that is the problem, Trent.

Nina, did it ever occur to you

that maybe, just maybe,

you were too much?

That's not a... that's not a thing.

How is that a thing? That's not a thing.

- Oh, it's a thing.
- It's not a thing.

Okay, how many do you have left?

All of them.

All right, here's what we're going to do.

I'm gonna do my interminable
seven-minute workout.

Then I'm going to eat my
entirely disgusting Kale salad,

and at that point, you two
better have made some deals

on these cases,
or I'll have you both murdered.

And believe me, I know the people to call.

Yep.

Hey, how's it going in there?

Am I... am I obsessive?

Am I... am I too much?

Ha ha. That's an interesting question.

Oh, you want me to answer that.

Okay, before I answer that,
why don't you check your email?

What is this?

It's the security footage from the A.T.M.

Across the street from your tagging.

See, if you know the right people,
you call the people at the bank.

They'll get you the file.

Wait a minute, so you just...

Yeah, I... excuse me.

Hello?

Yeah, I was just telling her
I phoned it in.

Okay, bye-bye.

All right.

Oh, my God, that's not my guy! He's white!

I'm gonna crush Trent. I was right.

Yeah, and there it is.

- You were wrong.
- No.

There goes Fletcher, stealing that bike.

Happens a lot around here.

Eh, you learn to deal with it.

So I've been thinking a lot about
what you said about our relationship,

and I need you to know
I'm not that person anymore,

and with that in mind,
I would like to make a deal.

Just... you know what?

I'm gonna grab any one
of these files at random,

and what's, like... what's right here?
I don't know.

It's Fletcher, so, okay, Fletcher.

I'm ready to make a deal on Fletcher,

'cause I am learning to compromise.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Wow, Nina.

- Yeah.
- I'm actually really proud of you.

Thank you.

Yeah, see, I can be... I can be reasonable.

I mean, you never got
a chance to see that person,

but I'm glad that we can work together.

Me too.

Yeah.

Wow, God, you D.A.S have nice pens.

I know, right? $100.

That is so stupid.

You know what?

Before I sign anything, I'm gonna need

just a couple more little things, just...

Nothing crazy. Nothing crazy.

So, Mr. Prosecutor, you good
with Mr. Corda's request

for misdemeanor possession, the fine,
and one mandatory drug seminar?

- Yes, sir.
- You good, Mr. Corda?

Yes, Your Honor, we'll take it.

You good, Mr. Gurango?

Any more puff, puff, pass?

Oh, yes, Your Honor.

- Hmm?
- Oh, no.

Oh, I meant no. No, Your Honor.

You're not high right now, are you?

You don't have to answer that.

Okay, yeah, very high.

Wait, did you say I do have to answer that

or I don't have to answer that?

Let's close our mouth.
Let's close the mouth right now.

Public intoxication?

What the hell is wrong with you?

I am literally ruining
my life trying to help you,

and you keep screwing everything up.

Jesus Christ, what is the Goddamn point?

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine, thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, I think that one's going up.

Nina, I am sorry, but I give up,
and I am going to the roof.

Oh, God, Alan Bushmeel.

Oh...

Carlos, no, you don't have to do this.

You just have so much to live for.

Live for?

I came up here to sneak a cigarette.

What, did you think I was gonna jump?

Well, I don't know, after the day you had.

Today was nothing.
God, are you kidding me?

This is just the way it is.

You mean this is average?

Don't even think about it.

So much to live for, et cetera, et cetera.

Did you just say, "et cetera, et cetera"?

You're still here, aren't you?

Hey, finally popped your plea-deal cherry?

Proud of you, kid.

Hey, there's a big
square thing here for you,

and it's holding a box.

Ah, legally, I don't think
you're allowed to be here.

Too bad, looks great in here.

Deal's a deal.

See you later.

Hey, I may have cut a deal,
but I totally won that deal.

Compliments of
the District Attorney's office.

Oh, my God!

Wow.

Oh, hi.

- They have so little.
- Oh.