Below Deck Mediterranean (2016–…): Season 5, Episode 17 - Something's Fishy - full transcript

A speedo-clad Bugsy prepares a naughty-themed evening for the guests, while managing the fallout of cucumber-gate. Tensions run high between Captain Sandy and Chef Tom, while Jess becomes ...

- Previously on
"below deck med"...

- You want me to take
the potato--

- okay.

- Sure.
- Could you just lay me out...

No...

- Oh sh--,
sorry, sorry, sorry,

I thought you didn't want it.

- Sorry, sorry.

- I'm carrying the
responsibility of my partner,

and that's scary.

- [bleep]'s sake.



[ crowd chatter ]

- ooh.

- I have to watch him
flirt with aesha.

It's just really
making my blood boil.

- I don't want
to give up on her.

- Eric cotsen is
an entrepreneur.

- Howdy!

- Primary eric would like
the yacht crew to get creative

with a naughty theme dinner.
- Ooh.

- Bugsy, bugsy, we need some
cucumbers in the galley.

- All right.
- All right, so you're here...

- Yep.
- ...In my guard.

- Yep.
- Jess, jess.

Let me go get the chef.
- Thank you so much.



- You're welcome.
- Thank you, sandy.

[ knocking ]

- the client wants
some cucumbers.

- Jesus christ.

- It wasn't my call.

- Okay. Sandy, yeah.
I'm sorry.

- There's no point
in apologizing.

- No, I'm just saying
that it wasn't my fault.

- [ groans ] oh, all right,

whatever you're saying,
thank you.

----Ing hell.

- Don't do it now.
- What...

What is the ----ing problem?
I had nothing to do with it.

I don't even know
what's going on.

- Why are you
giving me attitude?

- Oh, my god.

I was on a ----ing mat,
doing a ----ing flip.

- Hey, look...

- I hear "cucumber,"
so I run down...

- Hey, look, listen...
- I had nothing to do with this.

- Look.

- Go have a ----ing
cry with sandy.

- If you think you feel the
need to apologize that...

- I'm saying sorry...

- ...But I'm having a go
at you for something...

- I'm...
- ...That you didn't do...

- When I say to
someone I'm sorry...

- ...Then it just
doesn't make sense.

It just doesn't add up.
- ...It's... I'm sorry for you.

- Yeah.
- I'm not apologizing...

- I... I... I accept...
- ...Because I've done nothing.

- I accept it, then.

- Almost drop-off day.
- Yeah, I know, it's crazy.

- You grab... Yes, exactly.

- Yes.
- Oh, look at that, wow.

- Yeah... Oh, yeah.
- That?

- That's pretty good.

- Here you go.
- Thank you so much.

- No worries.

- Hi.
- Hi. How are you?

Hm?

What's wrong?

- [ crying ] tom and I
just had an argument.

- About what?
- He's so grumpy.

- I just happened to hear
from my radio

something about cucumber,

so I was like, oh [bleep]

that'll be those girls
wanting a snack.

- Mm-hmm.

- So by the time I got
into the galley,

tom comes up and he's,
like, "are you ----ing serious?

Cucumber and fruit? Like, you
can't slice it yourself?"

and then, you know,
obviously, I got teary.

- Right.

- And then he's like,
"oh, stop with

the bloody waterworks, come on."
- that's what he said to you?

- Yeah.

- I'm sorry.
- I just want to leave.

- I'm sorry, it's okay,
it's okay.

Don't stress about it.

- You just got, like,
caught up by sandy.

- No, it's...
- You know what I mean, and...

- ...It's fine, because
I know he's just, like,

caught up in the moment.
You know, he's just...

- Mm-hmm.
- ...He's just angry.

- I'm sorry. It's just...
- And you're going on break now.

- Yeah.

- So you don't have
to go back up.

- Yeah, no, thank god.

And I looked at the clock,
and I was just, like,

"I am ----ing out of here."

I've always had a
really good relationship

with my chief stews, and
I think it's so important

to feel like you can go to
them and be honest with them.

Bugsy's definitely approachable,

so it was nice to have someone
to go and talk to about it.

- Have a good break, okay?
- All right.

- And don't stress.
I'll see you later.

- Play golf at all?
- I'll try it.

- Practice swing,
it's all right.

- Hey!
- Hey!

- That was good,
let's do it again.

- Okay, so your normal day skirt
with the black shirt,

because we have to
wear a speedo over it.

- Shut up.

- You went playing
the frisbee, and you lost.

- Whoever loses has
to wear speedos to dinner...

The whole group.
- Okay.

[ shouting, laughter ]
- yes!

- You're wearing
a speedo tonight!

- Oh, god.
- Oh, boy.

- Hi, honey.

Is there no other
----ing adult on board

that can slice a piece of
----ing cucumber?

If I was sandy
in that situation,

I would have seen that
tom's not in the galley,

he's not answering his radio.

You would assume
I went for a break.

Maybe it's because I don't
take a break ----ing ever

that she didn't assume
that I was.

But for her to knock
on the cabin door

and say the guests want
some cucumber... Slicing...

I'd feel embarrassed.

- I'm sorry, honey.
- Yeah, I am, too.

- Tom? Dinner's at 10:00 p.M.

- Yes. Who is it that doesn't
eat red meat?

Uh, "m," is it?
- Yeah.

- We can offer her...

We're doing salmon, so maybe
a piece of cod, okay?

- Okay, perfect.

I'll go chat with them now
and just see

what the consensus is, yeah?
- Yeah.

- Perfect.

It's a very fine line of me

protecting my stews
against the chef,

but at the same time
keeping the chef happy.

I just wanna quickly chat
with you about dinner tonight.

You've got wagyu beef,
roast fillet.

- I'm probably okay with beef.
- Okay.

- I don't eat a lot
of beef, but...

- Perfect.

- ...The food's been so good
I'm, like, I may as well eat it.

[ whoosh, thud ]

- we're practicing,
it's all right.

- Wow, this is way harder
than I thought.

- Okay, I've checked with all
the guests about dinner.

Emma's gonna make an exception.

She said your food's been great,
so she wants to try the meat.

- But it doesn't digest well.

- [ laughs ]

- geez, sh--.
Hm.

- Do it. Big boys are out.

- That's it.

- He won't even look at me.

This is the first time
I've seen tom frustrated.

I feel bad for him,
but in that moment,

when I have a client looking
for the chef for food,

I'm going to go find out
where the chef is.

Whatever it takes...
I just need him to do his job.

At this point, he can stay mad
or he can choose to let it go.

[ grunts ]

- that's good here.
- Yeah, good.

- I can't ----ing believe
that tom got

so rude and inappropriate.

And I don't really wanna
interact with him

until I get an apology.

He got lucky that I didn't use
my new jujitsu moves on him.

- See that?
- Oh!

- Should I put a sock in it?

- Oh, my god, yes.

- What ----ed up?
- Um...

No, I love it,
we're definitely doing that.

- Rob, rob,
what's your location?

- I'm currently on the bow.
- Copy!

- Aesha's personality
is enjoyable,

but she makes me a little
skeptical of her,

because I think rob likes
aesha because she has

that easy, free spirit.

- Whoa.

- You have to pick a color.
- Hey!

- What's up, malia!
- Damn, girl!

- What's up, baby?
- Hi.

- Oh my god!

- [bleep] it, yolo.

- Is that a microfiber?

Hey, that's a micropenis.

- Did I pack it right?

[ makes whipping noises ]

- you ready, baby?
- Yeah.

- Do we have any bananas?
- No.

- Cucumber?
- Cucumber, yeah.

- Where?

- Jesus christ.

- The cucumbers are...
- Not there.

- ...Extremely large, babe.
- That's about right.

- How long till
they're coming up here?

- Well, dinner's at 10:00,
but I don't know.

- Perfect!
Oh, my god.

- You can keep that one.

- How naughty is everyone
feeling tonight?

- As per usual, for us.

- Good to know everyone's
feeling naughty.

- Can you be naughty, too?

- All right, dinner
is being stalled, apparently.

- Stalled.
- Because of the primary.

- The primary.
- Waiting for the primary.

- All right.

- What time is dinner
supposed to be?

- 10:00.
- For real?

- Yeah.

- We're doing it
on european time.

- Yeah.

- Sous chef, at your service.

- Oh, gosh, this is boring.

- Yeah.
- Gonna be a late one again.

I'm just really pissed.

- This is a nightmare for me,

because I feel like
this is all my fault.

Like, tom doesn't have to
be here, and I kind of feel,

you know, guilty for
putting him in this situation

in the first place.

- Ugh.

- It's a tough line when
you're on the same boat,

because you wanna help
that person

and you wanna be there for them,

but you also wanna keep
it super professional.

It's just... It's tough.
It's love.

- I can't keep heating this up.

That's not fair.

[bleep] that sh--.

- All right, so take this off...

- Coming up...

- You can't be up
here doing this.

And neither of you
are in uniform,

and the guests are right there.

- Here's to us.
- All right.

- Salud.
- Cheers.

- What time is dinner
supposed to be?

- 10:00.
- So, waiting for the primary.

- Come on.

- All right, show time.

- Don't dream of me.

- Hey!
- Hey, the primary's here.

- Ah, the primary!
- The primary!

- Sorry, guys.
- Glad you could make it.

- And he's got his stone-washed
jeans on from 1989.

- Oh, that is pretty hot.
- Stone-washed!

- I didn't know we were
going '90s themed tonight.

- How's that?

I got some big, blue balls, man.

- I'm gonna go up and see
if I can seat them, okay?

- Yeah, yeah,
whenever you're ready.

- Yeah?

- Yo, yo, yo!

[ shouting, laughter ]

- yeah?

- That's what I call a winner!

- That's a look!

- That's what I call a winner!

- That is a look!

- How many towels
are in there?

- Now, my naughty people,
shall we move up to the table?

- Yeah, absolutely.

- Aesha, aesha, I need you
and your balls up here, girl.

- Coming!

[ grunting ]

- this is your "nauti" evening.

Nautical with a
touch of naughty.

- Oh, jesus!

- Oh, my god.
- Oh, no.

- I feel like I'm at
a bachelorette party.

- This is fun.
- Oh, nice, aesha!

- Hey, eric, eric, eric.

- Let's eat.

- Ah, hi, buddy!

- Oh, yeah, damn.

- Yeah.

- I know.

Well, as soon as you finish,
we can take care of...

- [ grunting ]

- ...All the dishes and
everything.

- Tom, tom, we can
start straightaway.

- Yummy garlic eel.

- Yo, I've got it here.
- Hi. Perfect.

- This is very romantic, right?
- Yeah.

[ chuckling ]

- thank you.
- There you are.

- Oh, more of those
little baby eels?

- Mm!

- They're actually whole eels
in a garlic butter.

- Oh, my gosh,
this roasted garlic...

- Mm, yum.

- Wow.
- Wow.

- Honestly, I was really nervous
about the food situation,

but it's been so phenomenal.

- Yeah, it really has.

- Aesha? Would you mind please
just jumping down with jess...

- Yeah.

- ...And just helping
her finish off?

Malia, and then I'll just
have you help me clear.

- How are you going?
- Fabulous.

- Have you done
the other two cabins?

- Yeah, they're all done
except for this one.

- Man!
You go, girl.

- Oh, thank you so much.

- Malia, where is your speedo?

- [ laughs ]
I didn't lose.

I was on--
[ shouting, laughter ]

- hey, whoa!
- I was on your team.

- Malia, up until this point,
you have shown pure leadership.

But yet when the team loses,
everyone loses.

- Yes.

- Okay, you off to bed?
- I would love to be.

- See you in the morning, okay?

- These are ready to go.
- Perfect, thank you.

Rob?
- Mm-hmm.

- Good to go.

- All right.

- Wow, looks great.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah!
- Oh! Oh!

- Yes, you got me in a speedo.

- Woo!
- Hey!

- No packing.

- I think marissa needs
a closer look over there.

- So, we have a miso-glazed
salmon with chicken skin.

Enjoy your meal.

- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.

- Fabulous.
- Thank you.

- Mm.
- That's nice.

- Yeah, it's really good.

- You can taste a little
sweetness from the miso glaze.

- This feels so weird.

- Can I take this cucumber
out of my pants now?

- The chef's really good.
- Mm.

- You outta here?

- See you later, yeah.
- You gonna take that with you?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, do a nice
little striptease...

- Mm-hmm.
- ...For jess.

- All right, once they
have the onion on top,

then they can go, okay?
- Fabulous.

- Shut up.
- Oh, yeah.

- Thank you.
- Wow.

- We have a roast wagyu fillet
with braised cheek.

- Wow.

- All right, all right,
all right.

- Wow.
- Enjoy.

- Mm. Mm.
- This is really good.

- Mm.
- Oh, my god.

- I really like this.
- I know, it's great.

- It's a spanish wine.
- Oh.

- That, with this meat,
is phenomenal.

- Good notes on that one,
by the way, leather...

- What's... By the way...

[ kissing ]

- excuse me, bugs?

I spilled my drink
down my throat.

- Down your throat?
Brilliant.

Well, let's refresh
that for you.

- All right.
- Yeah.

- Have a good night's rest.

- All right, see you tomorrow.

- [ whispering ] hey, guys.

Just looking at our distance
to that sailboat.

What the hell are they thinking?

This isn't a sandals
couples retreat.

This is a ----ing super-yacht.

If captain sandy saw this,

their ass would
be off this boat.

You can't be up here doing
this with guests awake.

- Here's to us.
- Yes.

- Yeah.
- All right.

- Salud.
- Cheers.

- Coming up...

- I know normally,
you get a tip.

I thought I'd give you
these dinner invites.

I'll see ya.

- What the [bleep]?

- If you sniff it,
I'm gonna be offended.

- I just have to blow one.
- Do it.

[ whistles ]

[ kissing ]

- hey, guys.

You can't be up here doing
this with guests awake.

And neither of you
are in uniform.

- Here to us.

- And the guests
are right there.

- Everyone needs a pig tongue.

- The rules are, in yachting,
if the guests are awake,

you gotta be in uniform
when you're on deck.

Thank you.

- All right, should we
go downstairs?

- Okay, everyone's moving.
- Thank you, yep.

- Do you want me to bring
these down for you?

- Yes, please,
that would be great.

- Eric...
- Yeah?

- ...Ordered all of these
remote vibrators.

- Oh, yes.

You have to go hard
on your last night.

- I get the pink one.

[ vibrator vibrating ]

- look at this.
- Oh, mine just woke up.

- Woo!

- I'll be back
in a minute, guys.

- Uh-oh. Where you going?

- All crew, all crew,
that is malia off to bed.

- So this is what I used
to do when I was

in junior high school
with my friends.

We used to...

- Going to bed?

- Yeah, thank you,
that was awesome.

- I hope you had a great night.

- Good night.
- Sleep well.

- Thanks, aesha.

- Just a few more hours, honey.

- See you in the morning, yeah?

[ alarm blares ]

[ sighs ]

- hello.
- Hi.

- How you feeling?
- Good. It's drop-off day!

- Exciting.

- Do you wanna have, like,
a relaxing night tonight?

- Yeah.
- Netflix and chill?

[ laughs ]
- yeah.

I would love to go and

roll around, as you do.

- All right, I'm gonna ask
bugs in a little bit.

- Hello, tom.

- Good morning.
- How you doing?

- She may be.

- Yeah?
- Not me.

[ laughs ]

- no worries.

- Smells like india.
You've been to india?

- Yeah, india and nepal.

- Did you do any training
there, like, cooking?

- No.
- No.

So I know a lot of people
go there to learn.

- My mom's actually
in Spain right now.

- I didn't know she was coming.

- She just wanted to come
watch us dock the boat.

- Are you not in
a good mood today?

- Just tired.

- Sorry. I get that.

- I'm so nervous
meeting your mom.

[ laughs ]

tom, tom,
we got mary in the dock.

- Stay there...
You look very athletic.

Nice.

- Hi, darling, good morning.

- How are we?

- After today, one more charter.

- So happy.
- So happy.

- Which leads me
to another question.

Would you care...

If rob and
I just chilled tonight

and then sleep
in a guest cabin?

- Mm. "sleep."

[ laughs ]

let me think on it.
I just woke up.

- Okay.

- Deck team please start
hauling anchor.

- Copy, coming up on anchor.

- Sweet.

- Go fast.
- Okay.

- Anchor at waterline.

Anchor home.

- Thank you.
- Woo!

- Morning, girlfriend.
- Good morning, darling.

- How are you going?

- How we doing this morning?
Did you sleep well?

- I did.
- Fabulous.

- Picking up charter tomorrow,

so we have a very
quick turnaround.

When we get in, rinse,
rinse, rinse, rinse.

Go up to the sundeck and then
work our way down like normal.

- Here we go.
- All right.

- I think my mom's gonna
come watch us come in.

- Oh is she?
That's nice.

- Oh, man.
- Yeah.

- This is great, huh?
- Amazing.

- Beautiful, right?

- Hey, I'm really sorry about
how I spoke to you yesterday.

- Aw, thank you.

- I wasn't pissed off
at you, obviously, but...

- Yeah.

- ...I was really
pissed off, and...

- Yeah.

- ...It just didn't make sense
that, like, you're all adults,

you all know how to use a knife.
- Yeah.

- It just ----ed me off,
you know?

- Yeah.

- But I'm sorry
I took it out on you.

That's...
- Thank you.

- That wasn't my intention.
- I really appreciate it.

Thank you.

He apologized, but then
still was trying to be,

like, you know, it's just
because, oh, you're ----ing...

Rah, rah, rah.
It's like, just apologize.

I don't ----ing care
about your back story.

- Jess?
- Yeah?

- I've had a think about it.

You can stay in
the guest cabin tonight.

- I can?
- Uh-huh.

- Okay. Yay!

- As long as everything
gets done, okay?

- Perfect, thanks.
- I wanna see...

I wanna see the super stew
come out in you

as much as I've ever seen
it, of this season.

- Yay!
- Okay?

- Wait, what'd you think
of my table setting?

- I think it's
absolutely beautiful.

- I tried, I tried.

- Okay, yay.

- Thank you!
- My pleasure.

- Deck crew, deck crew,
we are about 19 minutes out.

We can start prepping lines.

- Copy that.

- Hey, mom.

- Are you at the port?

- We're gonna be by slip
number seven-five.

My mom, she's been
traveling Spain and France

for the last two, three weeks.

And she thought at the end,

she'd just come watch us dock
the boat before she flies home.

She was an air stewardess,
and I think it's very cool

for her to see kinda
the same work, but on boats.

Hopefully, I make her proud.

All right, bye, mom.
Love you.

- All crew, all crew,
I'm gonna drive it in

on the starboard wing,

and then I'll be taking it on
the port wing to dock it.

- Clear to start
swinging to stern.

Hundred feet port
midships to seawall.

Five feet to starboard.

Starboard quarter
three feet to ground lines.

Coming in nicely,
nice speed, good position.

Forty feet to the dock astern.

This is a great position.
Throwing stern lines across now.

Going with port.

That's all stern lines across,
all stern lines across.

- Ready?

- Oh, come on.

- All crew, all crew,
queue up on the dock.

- Ah, looking sharp.

- Mm.

Um, don't take
my view ever again.

- I will do what I want.

- Oh, you took a hat, nice.
- Good to go.

- There's my mom, right there.

- No it's not. Where? Where?
- Yeah, it is.

Right there.
- Hi, mom!

- Follow the boss.

- Hello.
- Your mom's here?

- Okay. Yeah, my mom's
right here.

- We had dinner together!
- Hi, sandy.

- Yeah, oh that's right.
- Yes...

Hi, you better hug her first.

- Hi, mom!
- Hi, sweetie.

Mm. Oh, it's so good to see you.

Hi, sandy.

- Nice to see you.
- How are you?

- Good.
- Hi, bugsy!

- So nice to see you!
- Good to see you.

- I know tom.
- I'm here.

- Oh, you're here,
I can't believe it.

- I know.
- Well, you did a great job.

That's amazing.
I don't know how you do it.

- She did it.

- My mom's always encouraged me
to keep pushing my boundaries.

Like, if I wanna go into
yachting, go into yachting.

If I wanna be a captain,

you know, work your ass off
and be a captain.

She's, like, do what you wanna
do, and be true to that.

- Nice seeing you again.
- You, too, sandy.

- All right, I'm gonna go back.
- All right.

- I'll see you after
we get guests off.

Love you.
- Love you!

- The best.
- Okay.

- Bye.
- Later, brother.

- Take care.
- Thanks, bugsy.

- Thank you.
You're an amazing human being.

- I do wanna say that as a
businessman I really appreciate

when people don't look at their
job as just a narrow definition,

but actually as an end goal
of making the customer happy,

and you guys exemplified that.

And that not only is
a compliment to you,

but a compliment to the person
who assembled you.

So, thank you very much.

I know normally, you get a tip.

I thought I'd give you
these dinner invites.

- Oh, wow.
- Oh, wow.

- Pass 'em down.

I have dinner at my beach house
in malibu every Tuesday,

and you are all invited.

- Oh, yay.
- Thank you.

- Amazing.
- All right, thank you so much.

I'll see ya.

- What the [bleep]?
It's insane.

- No.

- Coming up...

- This just arrived,
and it's 12 celsius,

and I've gotta serve
this to guests.

Guests arrive in an hour.

How am I supposed
to put all this away?

- We'll help you.
- ----Ing hell!

- I know normally,
you get a tip.

I thought I'd give you
these dinner invites.

I have dinner at my beach house
in malibu every Tuesday.

- Amazing.
- Thank you so much.

I'll see ya.

- No. You're joking.

- Oh, wait a minute,
one more thing, sorry.

[ laughter ]

- ah!
- You're funny.

- A little something extra.
- That was good, that was good!

- I was about to be, like,
you're ----ing kidding.

- Oh!

- Thank you!

- All right, everybody,
back into our reds,

meet in the main salon
for our tip meeting.

- One charter left.

[ clapping ]
nice team!

- You wanna go to dinner
in malibu sometime?

- Yeah, my treat.

[ laughter ]

- captain sandy, malia.

Permission to bring my mom on
board to show her the boat?

- Of course.

- Can in come on?
- Yes.

- Awesome.

- Welcome to the wellington.

- Oh, it's beautiful.

- Wanna see the tender garage?

- Yes.
- This is your daughter's lair.

- This is where
she bosses us around at.

- Wow.

- We got jet skis, seabobs,
wake surf.

- Oh, my gosh, honey.

- Every toy you could
possibly imagine.

- Nice, huh?
- Very nice.

- Hi.
- Tom!

- How's it going?
- Good.

- You're having the grand tour?

- This is your kitchen, huh?

- It's called a "galley," mary.

- The galley, I'm sorry.
The galley, on a boat.

- Yeah, what do you
think of the boat?

- It's wonderful.

- It's really nice having
my mom on board.

It's someone that can put a
smile on my face no matter what.

This is the bridge.

- Oh, my.

And captain sandy stands
here when she's just...

- Right ahead.

Today, coming in,
she drove from over here.

- And then
you're talking to her.

- Yeah, to come in,
and how to maneuver.

- And how to maneuver.

- In the yachting industry,
with our lifestyle,

our families don't really
understand it a lot of the time.

So it's very cool to get
to show her my world, kind of.

- All right, sweetie.
- Thanks for coming.

- What day are you leaving?

- I'm leaving tonight,
because that's the...

- Okay.
- ...Best flights right now.

- Okay.

My mom is very selfless.

She had to put up with a lot.

Like, she raised six boys.

Well, no, five.
I'm the girl.

So she raised
five boys and me...

Six boys, basically.

We put her through hell.

But, you know, this is
a real treat for me.

- I'll see you back in florida.
- Love you, mom!

- All crew, all crew,

let's meet in the main salon
for our tip meeting.

- This is gonna make
us unproductive.

- We got one charter left,
we're all tired, including me.

I'm losing my temper,
I'm sure some of you are.

I noticed tom last night
over the cucumber.

Was it a cucumber?

I don't remember what it was,

but I just wanna say
this to you, tom.

I'm looking...
I'm talking.

When a client comes
in the galley

and they ask me for something,
I have no idea when you depart.

So you may wanna write
the time on the board

when people go down for naps.

That way, I don't wake you up.
- Yeah.

I can't fault captain sandy
for waking me,

because she woke
me to do my job.

And maybe I should have,
like, let everybody know

I went for a break, and
so I'm certainly not going

to dwell on the fact in any way,
and let it affect my job.

- Having said all that,
you guys are amazing.

The client never felt any of it.

This was a $20,000 us,
1,500 euros per person.

Well deserved.

- Nice.
- Yay!

[ clapping ]

- yes.
- Well done, everyone.

- Cheers. To the a-team.
And I hope that we can

keep it together for
the final charter.

Thank you.

- Oh, god, to the real plan.

- I heard that, bugsy.

- Okay, the faster we
get it done, interior,

the faster we can end.
- Yeah.

- Let's do it.

- Yeah, this as
soon as possible.

- Yeah.

- And then both just help
each other in the laundry.

- Can you be my matchmaker,
you and tom?

- I'm a great wingman.

- Who's gonna make the bed
in the morning

that you and rob are staying in?

- I will.

- No.

- You guys aren't gonna
seal the deal?

- Mm-mmm.

- I don't know.

I feel awkward talking about...

Sex, especially with aesha,

because, like, really,
I haven't-ish

had sex in two years.

I'm scared and intrigued.

I'm gonna go do laundry.

- Okay.

I tried.

- All right, guys,
we are done for the day.

- Tom, malia, bugsy,
meet me in the crew mess

for our final preference
sheet meeting.

Okay, charter number nine,
our final charter.

We have an all-girls trip.

Erin grace, zeta brown,
and hannah yu.

Hannah yu is a
parkour competitor

and wants to reward herself
with this trip.

All three at stay-at-home moms
who are excited

to bring others from their
mom crew out for some fun.

- Ladies.

Co-primaries have requested a
land excursion to a small town.

- On night two,
a silent disco dance night.

- That'd be cool.
- Silent disco.

- I like that.
- Sounds like fun.

- That is one detailed
preference sheet.

- There's a few.

- Prefer no mushrooms,
but I do like truffles.

No raw red or white onion.
No tarragon...

Not even a hint of it.
No seafood.

Crab legs, but just the legs,
no body.

And lobster tail, just the tail.

Prefer not to eat anything
slimy, such as oysters.

No veal, no venison, no duck,
no sweet bread.

- I mean, I don't even know to
go off the preferences anymore.

- Oh, I know.

- All right, everyone.
Last charter, let's kill it.

- Yes.
- You guys can go.

- Amazing, thank you.
- Thank you.

- Awesome.
- Cool.

- I'm gonna get in.

[ grunting ]

- okay.

I've got, like, my job and
my heart on my shoulders.

I see both of their sides.

I'm just thrown right into
the middle of it all.

- Why do I feel like
I'm gonna die tonight?

- Are you gonna get ----ed up?

- I'm just gonna just
drink wine tonight.

It gets me a little naughty
sometimes.

- We will miss you.
- Bye, children, it's been real.

- Get the [bleep]
outta here now.

- Just get the [bleep] out.

- Please.
- Go.

- Smells weird in here.

- Probably got skid marks
on my knickers.

[ laughing ]

- thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Hey, guys,
let's have a fun night.

- Woohoo! Let's go.

- Get it, girl.

- This is so nice.

- Hi, how are you?
- Hi.

- You want to order
something drinks?

- One rosé, one red.
- Oh, perfect.

- To the last charter!
- Cheers! Oh, yay!

One more charter to go.

- Half of you here wasn't
here in the beginning.

- Yeah, sh--.
- Is it literally half?

- The ogs.

- I'm being honest...

I can't believe jess is
the og in the interior.

- That's right.
- No, I'm not talking sh--.

- I know, but...
- No.

- ...That's ----ing hilarious.

- These are so good.
- So thoughtful of you.

- I try to be.

- I couldn't eat
a garlic clover.

- I wanna eat it so bad,
but I'm not going to.

- You're afraid of
garlic breath?

- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, for god's sake.

- Oh, stop it.

- Tom had his...
- That was my first day.

- ...First day on the job.
- Yeah.

- Yeah, let's go to
the beach club.

- I was...
- You must have been sore.

- No, it was good.

- Did you enjoy the moment?
- No, I did, actually.

- Was that... On, like,
a day-to-day basis,

is there sexual
tension between you two,

or is it just a drunk thing?

- I don't know, bugsy,
answer that question.

- So, on, like,
a day-to-day basis,

is there sexual
tension between you two,

or is it just a drunk thing?

- With who?
- You two.

- I don't know, bugsy,
answer that question.

- No, no sexual tension.
- No sexual tension?

I'm very awkward
when it comes to

confrontation in relationships.

I'm all for having fun
and getting kissed,

and I would be happy
just to continue with that,

being light and fun.

- Is it just when
you guys get drunk

you wanna play tonsil-hockey?

- Well, I mean,
maybe she thinks that way.

But, I mean, on a...

No, I like bugs
on an actual level.

- That's nice.

- Why did you just give me
the worst look?

- Mm, I just ate
a lot of pepper.

- Alex is crushing a lot harder
on bugs than bugs is on alex.

It makes me a
little uncomfortable.

It's like your brother is
going after one of your friends,

and you know
they don't like them.

- Do you think rob and jess
are having a good time?

- I hope they're having fun.
I'm sure they are.

- Yeah, I think he's,
like, dick-deep

in her titties at the moment.

- Yeah?

- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Well, my birthday-birthday,

it will just be my mom
in north carolina.

So if you're going,
it will be you and my mother.

- Yeah?

- I told my mom about him,
and she's only

met one boyfriend in my life,
and that's when I was, like, 19.

So it feels good, it's cute.

- To a cute little date night.

I love you.

- I love you, too.

- Let me ask you...
Was it hard for you to, like,

jump in, like,
towards the end of a season

with a whole new group?

- Yeah, and it's hard,
just because...

- Yeah.
- ...Like, I...

Because I do freelance,
I'm very used to...

- Jumping in.
- ...Jumping in.

- Yeah.

- But I think it has been
had this time, just because,

obviously, like, I don't know
you guys that well.

- Yeah.
- But I kind of...

- You don't wanna overstep
boundaries, yeah.

- I feel like I can't
fully be myself,

because I haven't figured
everyone out yet.

I'm with this new crew,
and I'm already homesick.

And on top of being homesick,
I guess I feel crew-sick,

because it's just not
the same as how sirocco was.

[ shouting, laughter ]

- hey, stop.
- Woo!

- No one actually knows
everyone right away.

It's like you...
- Just be yourself.

- It took alex and I,
like, three weeks...

- Just be yourself.
- Cheers, this is awkward now.

- Hey, guys, shall we go?
Let's head home.

- Oh, my god, show me a bed
and I'll show you how quickly

I can fall asleep.

- So what happened in your
terms of that night?

- Nothing.

- Why are you laughing?

[ yawning ]

- mm-hmm.

[ laughter ]

can you please stop having
sex in the van, rob and jess?

I mean...

- Oh! Oh, jeez.

- Baby, you brought that one?
- Yeah.

- Oh, my god.
- We make that work in that bed.

Look how small it is.

This is not your first time
on a yacht, is it?

- You mean turning down
the bedroom?

- So you've been on
this yacht before?

- Yeah, I've been on this
yacht before, yeah.

- Wow.

I was into a documentary
about tantric sex.

So the whole idea was that
you release your energy

out of your emotional love tank,
and then that goes through her.

You know, sting and his wife,

I've heard that they
have sex for three days

straight doing it, you know?

- Oh! Yes!

- Don't worry, babe,
I'll turn off the light.

[ laughter ]

you had a nice little
nip slip there.

- Thank you.
- Cheers.

- Shall we all go get
into jess and rob's bed?

- Should we tp their cabin?
- Yeah.

- Where do you wanna go,
aft, bridge deck, or top deck?

Sleep well.
- You, too.

- See you in the morning.
- See you in the morning.

I think bugsy's afraid.

When we have real conversations,

she kinda shuts
back down again.

I don't know if she's had a...

You know, a rocky
relationship before,

but I'm not like
every other guy.

- You gonna have sexy time?
- No, no sexy time.

- Excuse me, you're not
gonna wait for me?

[ grunting ]

[ moaning ]

[ moaning ]

[ loud moaning ]
baby!

- Coming up...

- Stay out of the galley,
stay away from him,

and let him do his job.

- He's gonna walk off the boat.
- Well, let him walk.

- [bleep] this.

- She's asleep.
- Mm-hmm.

- Good morning.
- Morning, how was your evening?

Had fun?

- Sense of normality?

- Oh, really?

- Will you do a top-to-bottom,
please, and make sure...

- Yeah.

- ...Hot tub's good,
sunscreen baskets...

- Gotcha.
- ...Towel baskets...

- Got it.
- Morning, cap.

- Hi.
- Good morning.

Okay, girls, we'll get
laundry squared away,

quick wipe-down and vacuum, and
then we'll take provisions on.

- Rob, you guys sleep in the
guest quarters last night?

- Something like that.
- Hey.

- Oh, I hate this bed.

- What'd you guys sleep on?

Or did you bring your
own blankets down here?

- Girl, I did it
the lazy stew way.

- Malia, can I have
a deck crew member

to come vacuum my cabin
and hallway?

- I'm on my way.

All right, we're going
in to vacuum.

- Thanks.
And the crew mess.

- I'll take care of it.

Um, just so you know,
I'm gonna name

a lead deckhand for
this last trip.

Just one...
- Cool.

- ...To... Just so that
they have that title and...

- Yeah.

- Because I think over the
season, it's been well deserved.

Last time I worked
with captain sandy,

I got the title of lead deckhand
halfway through our season.

- We decided that
you're gonna step up.

You shall be our lead deckhand.

- Oh!
- How you feel about that?

- I'm honored.

[ laughs ]
- oh, there you go.

- Thanks.

- It meant a lot to me, and
I think it's a great way

to reward someone's efforts
and end on a high note.

- I love it, I'm so happy.
- Cool.

- All crew, all crew,
we are gonna have guest

arrival one hour early.

- What?
- Copy from interior.

- No!

- So one hour early.

- What, the guests?
- Yeah.

- So they come
in at 11:00, okay.

Like, that's not cool.
Not at all.

- So that and one platter, yeah?

- Yeah, thanks.
- Sweet.

- Hey, bugs, it looks like
we have provisions up front.

- Okay, copy.

All crew, all crew, please
make it to the dock.

- Take it to the bridge.

[ grunting ]
- we have some fresh lobsters.

- They are super fresh.

- Cool, thank you.

Fish being delivered in
the back of the ----ing car.

It's baking in that thing.
It's a joke.

This needs to come in a
refrigerated ----ing van.

Un-----ing-real.

- There we are.

- Malia, malia,
if you have a minute,

can you meet me in the galley?

- Copy, on my way.

- Galley?
- Yes, chef?

- Can you just look at this,
the temperature of this?

It's just arrived,
and it's 12 celsius.

Anything over 5, you refuse.
It's a ----ing joke.

This... This is ----ing insane.

Sandy, sandy.

- I'll go find her.

Captain sandy?
- Yeah?

- We're having a problem
with the provisions again.

- Oh, we are?
Why isn't tom coming to me?

- He is, he just...

- Have tom come to me.
Not through you, okay?

- No, I said I would grab you

because he's
calling the provisioner.

- Yeah, all right.
Just... But I need tom.

- Okay.
- Okay, thank you.

She'd like you
to speak with her.

- Yeah, I called her.
Where is she?

- She's in her cabin.
I don't know, she...

Her radio is off, I think.

- Okay.

- Hi, sandy.
- Yeah?

- How you doing?
- Good.

- So malia just told you
about the fish delivery.

- Okay.
- It's really warm.

It's, like, 12 celsius.
I mean, what can we do?

- We can get more fish, and
they have to bring it to us

at their expense,
because you can't serve it.

- The fish and meat
should be delivered

in a refrigerated vehicle,
and that wasn't.

- Right, that's ridiculous.

- They should at least put
it in these, like, coolers.

And it just came in a... A...

A couple of carrier bags,
you know?

It's just a joke.

- The fish came in carrier bags,
and not in coolers?

- Yeah, like two carrier bags.
- Thank you.

- And the guests arrive
in, like, one hour.

- Yeah, I get it.

- [ cough ]
[bleep]

- okay.
All right, hang on one second.

- Hey, sandy.
- Hi.

I just wanted to call you
because our fish order came

in carrier bags and not on ice.

And I'm gonna let you speak...

- Right...
- ...Speak with the chef,

because our clients
arrive in one hour,

and he has fish
that's 12 celsius.

So hang on one second.
Here's tom.

- All right.

Hi, how's it going?

- Yeah, yeah, you can't really
serve that to the guests.

So we're probably gonna need
fresh halibut and fresh cod.

- Yeah, absolutely need it.
No, no, I...

I need it for lunch, I'm afraid.

- Okay. Okay, thanks very much.
Thank you for your help.

- Thanks.

- Alex, will you
run this into... Quickly...

To the galley?

- Yeah, that's everything.

Malia, malia, malia,
malia, malia.

----Ing hell.

Malia, malia.

- Tom, go ahead.

- I'm done. I'm done.
I'm ----ing done.

I cannot do it.

Like, guests arrive
in an hour, look at this.

How is that fair?

I'm meant to cook lobsters;
they take 20 minutes.

How am I supposed
to put all this away?

- We'll help you.

- This is so ----ing unfair.

- She's gonna get the fresh...
Where is he?

- ----Ing hell.

- She's gonna get
the fresh fish.

- Okay, the fish is
not a problem at the moment,

sandy, thank you.

- I think that bread looks good.

- That bread's burnt.

That bread's going
in the bin right now.

- No, no...
- It's not...

It's not burned...
- ...Give it to the...

- Okay, okay, it's not,
but please...

- Yeah.

- ...It's ----ing burned,
all right?

- Yeah.

- Don't try and humor me
at the moment.

- Come on. Come with me.
- Well, he needs help.

- Come with me.

- He needs help...

- No, sandy, I'm not gonna...

- No, no...
- ...Do this either.

- ...You stay out of the galley.
- He's not... He's not...

...Getting his provisions and...

- Just stay out of it.
- I'm not doing...

- He needs to come to me.
- I'm not doing anything.

- You're not the captain.
Listen, here's the deal...

Stay out of the galley,
stay away from him,

and let him do his job.

Because here's the reality...

When you start filtering,

he doesn't get his information
to me so I can sort it.

- It's a ----ing joke.

- But he needs help putting
the provisions away.

- No, stay outta the galley.
- That is something...

- Anybody but you.

- He's gonna walk off the boat.
- Well, let him walk.

- [bleep] this.

- Next, on "below deck med"...

- [bleep]

[ thudding, shouting ]
- what's happening?

- Come here. Come... Thomas...

- Was it nice being
spread out last night?

- I wasn't.

- Oh.

- If that was aesha's boyfriend,

I wouldn't be having

inappropriate conversations
like that.

- You've got a filthy mind.
- [ laughs ]

- I'm not gonna ----ing do this.
I'm not.

- Like, she was giving me
a talking-to about

me being in the galley, and I'm,
like, I'm the ----ing bosun.

- Hi.
- Hi!

- We got the ladies on, ron.

- Yay, all women, my favorite.

- How does it feel?
Does it feel better?

[ laughs ]

- let's get a group photo.