Below Deck Mediterranean (2016–…): Season 4, Episode 9 - Episode #4.9 - full transcript

- Previously on
"below deck med"...

- [bleep] me.

- ----Ing hate the anchor.

You've bent this whole thing.

- if you have any
questions or anything,

don't hesitate to
ask anybody but me

'cause I don't know
what I'm doing.

[ laughs ]

- June? She's gorgeous.

- Do you want to remain the chef

or do you wanna
go back to being third stew?

- I want to continue
as the chef.

- It is yummy.
- Delicious.

- This is perfect.
- Thank you.

- What time is lunch break?

On this boat,
no one's telling me anything.

- All the cabins are done?
- Yeah.

- Did you do them, do them?
- Yeah.

I wanna learn from hannah,

but she's not
giving me the time of day.

- She has the personality of
a ----ing glass of water.

- How's the chefing
side going? All right?

- Yeah, it's all right, mate.

I'd rather be inside
away from joao

than near him listening
to bullsh--.

- Calm down, will you?

- I can't calm down
if you keep ---ing up

or ----ing around.
- Big deal.

- It is a big deal!
- Not a big deal.

- It is a big deal.
- It's not a big deal.

- Mate...
- Do you have a boyfriend, June?

- Yeah.

- That's not what
you said to me.

- No, I didn't.

- Just tell me the ----ing
truth. It's fine!

- Have you got a boyfriend?

- Yeah, I'm seeing
someone, yeah.

- Is she okay?
- She just needs a minute.

[ spits ]

- have you got a boyfriend?

- I'm seeing someone, yeah.

- So you have a boyfriend?
- I'm not looking.

Yes, it's just chill.
It's nothing much.

- Do you feel like you're
broken up a little bit?

- No. We're just not talking.

- I know, usually, when I don't
speak to me ex-girlfriend,

I'm broken up with them.

- This is like 50 questions.

You're all just
grilling her now.

- No, I wasn't.
I'm just curious.

- Oh, hon.
- I'm okay. Don't say anything.

- Okay.

Is she okay?
- She's all right.

She just needs a minute.

- Oh, my god.
- She'll be fine.

- Is she crying?

- No. She's sick.

- I don't know.

- I don't care about
what other people think

of my personal life.
But it's nobody's business.

- You okay?
- Yeah.

- I don't know.

- It's because you're nervous
sitting opposite colin.

- This poor girl.
I've been in her shoes.

I've been
the new person on a boat.

It's intimidating.
La fromage?

- That's the only learned
I word...

I say everything backwards.

- Cest la vie?
- No.

- Croissant?

[ laughs ]

- where are we going after this?

- Go dance.

[ hip-hop music ]

- joao is trying
to wingman for me,

just wants me to meet somebody.

[ speaking french ]

I'm not really in the mood
to talk to randos.

If I can talk
to June and,

hopefully, make her
feel comfortable.

- Oh, my god.

And she's just raking me balls.

[ shouting ]

- travis is easy
on the eye and cute.

But there shall be no feelings
involved this season.

That's not a feeling.

- We're leaving!
We gotta go!

- You guys are so cute!

- Well, I'm not letting
him kiss my lips.

- ? america, [bleep] yeah ?

- look...
Does this make me sick?

- That's sick.
That's an awesome picture.

- We're just making out
with each other's faces.

- Lick it up. Lick it up now.

- Jesus christ!
Absolute animals.

Look at her face.

- Don't make jokes about that!

- No. Because I actually have
been before, so it's not funny.

- Don't say that.
Please, oh, my god.

- Let's not talk about anything.

- Shush!
Don't talk about it!

- Have you been raped though?
- Can we just not talk about it?

- 99% of things,
it's fine to joke about.

But there's just a few things
that you shouldn't.

And like rape is
definitely one of them

'cause it's not funny at all.

- You okay?
- Yeah.

- Hannah's sprinting.

- Babe, I feel really bad
for making that joke.

- I'm gonna pee my pants.

- Just a little spa
for the boys.

- I'm gonna go to sleep.

- You just kind of want
people to be more aware

that you don't want anyone in
this world has been through,

so you just need to watch
what you say a bit more.

- I remember I was like
so apology addicted

and I keep like apologizing

about thinking
it was my fault

and like I shouldn't have
been that drunk and rah-rah.

And she just keeps
saying we all get wasted,

but you have the right
to feel safe

to get that wasted
and be able to make it home.

So I think it's just
important for women

who are like
put in that situation

to not blame themselves.

You should be able
to get wasted, you know,

and go home without
worrying about it.

- Each of you have one of these.
It's basically a checklist.

It's priority of
what you should do.

Rinse the boarding stairs,
rinse sliding door,

you know what I mean?
- Mm-hmm.

- You all right, buddy?

Too bad to go through
that sh--

and then I'm like a ----ing
dickhead making a joke about it.

I can't even
think about anything else

I just wanna go and
speak to her.


- Coming up...

- Do you guys hear
that alarm going off?

- Yes.

- Can you stop
drinking beer now?

You do not sit in your cabin
and continue to drink.

Go find out why the ----ing
alarm's going off.

And later, a sneak peek at
what's ahead this season.

- This is not five stars.

- Better go ring shopping
by the end of this season.

- You made me think
that you like me.

- What difference
would that have made?

- It would make a difference.

- Your position's redundant.
I have to let you go.

- [bleep]!

- Aesha?
- Oh, hello.

- I'm so sorry
about saying that sh--

about that stupid
joke last night.

I'm so sorry for
----ing saying it.

I don't even know half the sh--
I'm saying when I'm wasted.

I didn't realize.

- I know there was nothing like
malicious or that you meant it.

I just said it because,
you know,

to make people more aware.

- Oh, don't feel bad, honestly.

I don't want it to be like,

oh, I'm that girl
that survived rape

or something
like that, you know.

It's like that's not me.

I'm just aesha.

And that happened to happen
to me three or four years ago.

That's not who I am.

- Are we still
going out tonight?

- Yes, you're the sweetest man.

- I'm really sorry.

- Because it's a blue hull,

we might get away
with just rinsing.

- Okay.

- Here we go. Yeah.

- Ahem!

- Travis is adorable,

but I'm definitely not
emotionally invested.

Thankfully, jack and aesha
are gonna be there.

So that makes it
easier to swallow,

not in a sexual way.

- Do we have any more
of these anyplace?

- Yeah, they're in
the cleaning closet.

- Okay.

- Oh, where do I find the cups
to put next to the beds?

The glasses?
The round ones?

I mean, it could wait.
I don't know.

Anastasia, she gets
a little crabby,

a little fierce.

- It's in one of these drawers.

- You would think somebody
that had my job

would have more sympathy
and help me, you know.

It's just, it's confusing.

- Girls, I got
fridges to clean.

I don't have sheets
to worry about.

- No. I didn't mean
to involve you, no.

I got it.
We got it.

I'll figure it out.

- June?

- Did, um... Did hannah
actually smooch travis?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

- I saw it.

- Good for him.

I'm surprised by that.

Hannah deserves more.

He was drunk, like really.

I get protective of other people
that I like and I like her.

- Come on, you [bleep].

- You were a ----ing
riot last night.

- I was in blackout
last night, eh?

- Oh, you were?
- I remember everything.

- Oh.

- Are you done yourself?

Are you gonna go
outside and smoke?

- Yeah.

- How you feeling?
- Good.

- How was your little
smooch with travis?

- Yes.

- Do you remember it?
- I remember everything.

I didn't drink that much.
- Oh.

- Hey, hubby!
- Hey, love.

- Getting ready for later.

- You got a date tonight?
- Yeah.

- He's cool.
- Cheers, bro.

- Joao? Hannah? Anastasia?

Meet me in the crew mess for
the preference sheet meeting.

- Copy.
[ chuckles ]

- how are you?
- Very good, thank you.

- Okay, so we have our
next charter tomorrow.

It's a four-day charter
with american hero.

Johnny damon is a legendary
baseball player.

He has won the world series,

including the historical
red sox win in 2004.

And then again in
the new york yankees in 2009.

Now retired,

they're excited to get some
time away from their kids

and spend time with
their closest friends.

And johnny and michelle
can't wait to visit monaco.

[ laughter ]

- go ahead, hannah.
Read their preferences.

- No dietary restrictions. Whoa!

Anders has a
long preference sheet.

- "I'm allergic to being
hungry, sober and bored."

[ laughs ]

- he's a funny character,
isn't he?

- "we're
looking forward to eating

local foods from this region.

We love anything
with truffles"...

Me too.

- I can do little like finger
foods and stuff like that.

I'm feeling really confident
going into this next charter.

If I can please
the queen of versailles,

I can please an
american baseball player.

- Do what you want to do
as far as the food goes.

- Yeah.

[ alarm sounding ]

- "blackwater system".

- Mike, mike,
it says sensor fault,

blackwater system.

- Is he answering?
- Stop it!

- Mike, mike, hannah.

[ laughs ]

[ alarm sounding ]

- travis or jack?

- All our sh---water
from the toilet

go into blackwater tank.

That means no toilets,
that means no water,

that means there's
sh-- involved.

[ knocking on door ]

- yep!

- Do you guys hear
that alarm going off?

- No.

- Can you stop drinking
beer now?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Can you go find
the engineer, find out

why the ----ing
alarm's going off?

Jesus christ!

Now I'm pissed.

- Is the engineer even on here?

- I'll have a look
in the control room.

You have a look in his room.

- I'm done. We're gonna go
find out what the problem is.

If the engineer can't fix this,
we cancel our charter.

This is bullsh--!

----Ing two drunk crewmembers
on the day before a charter?

Not cool!

- This isn't our job at all.

- Where's the ----ing engineer?

This is ridiculous!

[ alarm sounding ]

- this is bullsh--!

----Ing two drunk crewmembers
on the day before a charter?

Not cool!

[ alarm sounding ]

- this is ridiculous!

- It's not against the rules to
have a few drinks after charter.

What is against the rules

is not responding to alarms
in any case of an emergency.

This is the lowest level
of respect

you could have shown me and
you could have shown sandy.

- Where's the engineer?

- I kind of get where
captain sandy's coming from.

- Hell, yes!
- Not kind of, fully.

This sh-- trickles down...

- And it's just bullsh--.

[ gasps ]

- oh, my god!
What the [bleep]?

- Not my job to check
----ing alarms.

- Sandy, our bathroom's flooded.

- No ----ing way.
- Yeah.

- Happy days.

- Have you been standing
here the whole time?

- No, I'm helping.

- Today's not your day
not to hustle.

You get it?
- No, I...

- 'cause I swear to god, you
will be off this boat so fast.

- Okay.

- So when I see you,
you'd better be ----ing moving.

Start with the wet vac.
- He wants me to him.

- You're gonna get
the bathroom cleaned up.

- Not great.
- Jesus!

- Not great at all!

- Oh...

- Oh, you know what
I've just smelled?

- Joao?
- Yes?

- Can you just tell me
if the shower drains?

- Okay.

- Oh, the shower's
actually drained.

- Okay, great.

The blackwater issues was
related to a pump failure.

We repaired the pump,
we got the toilets working.

Mike, mike,
the shower has drained.

- Copy that.
Shower's drained. Thank you.

- Okay. So it's working.

- Did you drink
the one in there?

- I'm sipping it.

- Okay, let's get in formation.

- We have no connection
to these problems.

Sit in the shade, though.

- We didn't deserve
to get shouted at then.

It's not a prison camp.

What's happening?

- Can we do our
date another day?

- Sure.
- Okay.

- Oh, don't be like that.

- Don't ----ing drink beer
before the date?

- That was a bit of
a stupid move on my part.

- Bit of a stupid move, dude?

[ laughs ]

- I'm gonna go on the date
anyways, with or without you.

- Oh, [bleep].
- You have fun!

- I feel pretty bad that
she thinks I'm real drunk.

I'm not actually.

Guess I'll just
drink a bit of water,

try and make it up to her.

Just come!

- What's happening, mate?

- [bleep] you're pissing
the captain off, guys!

- Oh, [bleep] off.

Was it 'cause we got beer
in front of us?

- Yeah. Yeah, sorry.
It was like 5:00.

So I was like...
- Mate, [bleep]?

- There's no set rules
on that yet, so from now,

no beers before five.
Case closed.

I've already figured out
with these guys

that I can't come out
guns blazing.

I have to be diplomatic about it

so we're all able to
come to an agreement.

Five or something...

- No beer before five.

- No beer after five.
We can drink all day.

[ laughs ]

- yeah, just get
pissed the whole day,

but after five, I'll be
----ing set.

- No beer before five.

[ laughs ]

- hi.
- How you going?

I just want to make sure
that you're not stressed.

And you know that
we're gonna be fine.

- Oh, my god, that's...

Give me a hug.

Thank you, hannah.
That's so sweet.

- I felt the wrath
of sandy before.

And I don't want
to feel it again.

- That means so much to me.

- Well, it's true 'cause you
don't have anyone above you.

- Love you. Thank you.
That means so much.

Thank you so much.

- You looking at recipes?

- Yeah, I just read it
all out by day.

I like to look at sh--

I'm like, yeah,
I could make that.

I don't wanna sound
like I'm the best.

But like the people
who really excel are the people

who have true raw passion and
raw skills for what they do.

I know how
to make food taste good.

That's not a problem.

- Sweet.

- Colin?
- What's up, girl?

- Is there anything you
want me to put in the dryer?

- Yeah.

- You're so weird.

I thought you had
your own method of drying

'cause you're
scared of shrinking...

- No, I, no...
- Yeah.

- For some reason,
it's hard to talk to June.

I don't know why.

I mean, she's beautiful,
she has a good personality.

So I've just been working
on my game a little bit.

If you cannot put
that in, because I...

- You don't like vanish?
- Like I got a rash.

- Oh, no!

- Hi, darling.
- Hey, mate.

- What's happening?
- When are we going?

- You are going.
- You're not coming?

- Nope.

- Hannah gave him
the knock-back.

- Aw.

Okay, I'm gonna
go get ready.

- Okay. Bye-bye.

- I'm ----ing pumped for
this sh--!

- Captain sandy's losing
her sh--.

And like don't get me wrong,
I feel bad about it.

But at the moment, I just wanna
have a good time with aesha.

- Do you have anything sexy?

- A skirt.
- Ah!

- You want that tonight?

- Girl...
- It's kind of weird.

- This is ----ing sick, bro!

- Looks dapper.
- Oh, very revealing.

It's tight.

- If you're free-ballin'.

- Ooh!

- Shall I just
get ready with you?

Then I will just go
and see hannah randomly.

- [bleep] it.

- Hot damn!

- You reckon?
- Okay.

- I'm so excited
to go on the date.

All my boyfriends in the past,

it's like you go on
a date with them,

get drunk and
you have your first kiss

like wasted and
you sleep together.

And you don't even really
remember all the nice things.

But with jack, I want to
remember all the nice things.

I want a nice first kiss,
and I deserve it.

- Peace out, my d.
- Yep, yep!

[ knocking on door ]
- oh, hello!

- You're looking nice, babe!

- Oh!

This is so exciting!

I'm getting picked up
by my male suitor.

- Have a good time.
Don't miss me too much, yeah?

- I'll try my absolute
hardest, mate.

I can't control
peoples' personal lives.

I'm happy for jack
to go on date.

If it was me,
I'd lay low

because of
the mistake I've made.

That's just me.

[ music playing ]

- I really like hannah.

Hopefully, this isn't
too awkward.

- Oh, sh--!

- Coming up...

- I'm your captain.
- Hi. I'm johnny.

- They are both gynecologists.
- I know the anatomy.

It's what I do.

- Oh, my god.

- I look at vagina every day
and then I go on yachts.

- Still to come, a sneak peek
of what's ahead this season.

- Joao!
- Whoa!

- Hey, travis?
We're in a ----ing restaurant.

- You're out of
your ----ing mind!

I'm being serious!


- Oh, sh--!

Oh, my god,
what are you wearing?

- I just thought
I'd make myself look pretty,

then come [bleep] with
you on the bow.

- Fair enough.

- [bleep] off.

I was thinking about it.

My own parents, they're not
drinkers or partiers at all.

So I don't think
they'd particularly approve

of my piss-head antics.

You think I've been
pissed the whole day?

- I don't think it.

Why today when you knew
we had like a dinner date?

- I wasn't planning on it.

I started working on
like backpacker boats

when I was 19 and everyone's
there to have fun and party.

As soon as we'd get off,
we'd go to the bar.

In any job which is
quite physically demanding,

you feel like entitled to a
drink at the end of the day.

You feel like you've
earned it, you know.

So that starts bad habits.

Listen to how coherent I am.

- Coherent!
- I'm super coherent.

[ laughs ]

- yeah. Come here.

- What? Today was heavy.

I just had some beers,
all right?

- I know, darling.

- Hi.
- Hello,

- we did have a table for four,
but it's only two now.

[ laughs ]

- get your ass in there, babe.

- Oh, he's so cute.

- I want to give you
a little kiss then

but I can't 'cause we haven't
even had one yet.

- Well, pick
the right timing

for this evening
and then you can.

- What? This evening?
It sounds perfect.

[ laughs ]

- I didn't eat
dinner last night.

Or breakfast today.
- You got to eat.

That's not good.

- I don't know when to eat.
- Are just not hungry?

- That's ----ing meat sauce,
and I don't want meat sauce.

- No? Not...No?
- No.

- Quick.

- Oh, the irony.

Last season, I had
to worry about my actual job

and two other girls.

I'm just minding my own
business, doing my own job.

What a relief!

Now all I need to do is figure
out how to fix

this sh---show of a deck team
and I'm in a good place.

- I keep everything to myself.

And that's how
I always have been.

I always just do
strictly selfies.

- Is it good?
- Date night.

- Date night, baby.

Should I bring some
rose down or something?

I'm already pissed.

- Oh, here's to our first date.

- Cheers.


- Is there a type of
girl you go for?

- No, I don't have a type.

- Aren't I?
- No.

- Cheers, mate.
----Ing hell.

I've got feelings, you know.

- My typical type
is the alpha male

that usually turns out
to be an asshole.

Whereas, jack is a bit softer.

Are you happy with this date?
- I am, you know.

- Aren't we just like
the most disgusting version

of ourselves in front
of each other?

What's even the point
if you can't just

be completely yourself?

- Yeah, 100%, because
I've witnessed true love.

I've got a mom and dad
who are still flirting

with each other every day.

And walking down
in the street holding hands.

Because I've grown
up seeing that,

that's what I want
as well, naturally.

[ singing in foreign language ]

- give me a kiss.

- Thanks for having
a mini-date.

[ singing continues ]

- I think a kiss changes
the dynamic of a relationship.

You know, you're bringing
in a more intimate side now.

And I'm really excited
to have this with jack.

That's like the
sweetest thing

a guy's ever
done for me in my life.

I really like him
and I've got no idea

where this thing is going.

But I just want to have fun
and take it day by day.

- Shall we go?
- Yeah.

[ gasp ]

- they ate all that.

- Oh, my god! I actually
have cheese on me!

I have cheese!

Are you getting greedy now?

- What?

[ laughs ]

- thank you, gentleman.

- Shall we go see travis?
- Yeah, come on.

Let's see if he's okay.
- I'm gonna come say hi.

- Yes. Rompers.
- Yes, my geezer!

- What's happening?
- What's happening?

- Oh, I missed you.

- It was all proper
romantic and sh--.

I swear to god.

- Jesus christ!

- It's all right, isn't it?
- Yeah.

- I gotta pee.

- Let's wake up.

- How was your date last night?

- It did go well, to be honest.
- So what does that mean?

You guys are
facebook official or what?

- No, [bleep] that,
facebook official.

- Thank you so much again
for last night.

- You're welcome.

- All crew, all crew, can we
get help with provisions?

- I cleared a bunch of space up
here too so you have more room.

-Thank you.
That will be lovely.

- I'm freezing.
I'm gonna put on sweats.

- So much tomato juice.

- Limes, lemons and limes.

Where is my third stew?

- Yeah, why are you doing this?

- I'm a little bit
concerned about June.

She is not answering her radio.

June, June, hannah.

June, June, hannah.

She's struggling with cabins.

Their beds haven't
been turned down.

- Oh...

- I'm really not
sure what kind of karmic debt

I am paying off at the moment.

But, clearly, I was a bit
of a twat in my last life.

We don't need to
iron napkins right now.

We're about
to pick up charter.

- All crew, all crew,
everybody in their uniforms.

Guest arrival is at noon.

[ belch ]

- what the [bleep] was that?

- They're just disgusting.
- God, so immature!

- It's hot.
- Here they come.

- It's on like donkey kong!

[ laughs ]
- I know. Right?

- Yeah.

- Well, you're happy.

- He's walking like he's
carrying beer cases on his arms.

- Hi. Welcome.

I'm your captain.
- Hi. I'm johnny.

- Coming up...

- Joao, go ahead
and load that stuff.

We gotta move.
It's too rolly here.

- Where the hell are
the other deck crew?

- Hi.
- Hello.

How is everyone?
- Hello.

- I'm your captain.
- Hi. I'm johnny.

- Nice to meet you.
- This is my wife, michelle.

- Sandy. Nice to meet you.
- Hi. Hannah.

- Hi, hannah. I'm johnny.
Nice to meet you.

- Colin.
- I'm johnny.

- How are you? Welcome.

Johnny damon
just shook my hand.

I'm not washing it ever again.

- Aesha.
- Aesha. Anders.

Pop that chain.
Mm, my jewelry.

- Welcome aboard sirocco.

- We are so happy to be here.
- Very excited.

- My lovely crew is
going to take care of you.

Hannah's going
to show you around the boat.

The crew will take your luggage.

Then we're gonna
take off immediately

and we're gonna
go anchor off monaco.

- Wow.
- Welcome aboard.

- Thank you so much.
- Follow me, guys.

- Hello. Welcome on.

- Would you like some champagne?

- Sorry, what?

- Come with me and
I'll show you around

your home for
the next few days.

- Travis will fall astern,
colin will be astern.

And jack, he's gonna
be on the bow.

- We'll be doing most
of your meal service here.

Hopefully, the weather
stays like this.

- Everyone?
[ knocking on wood ]

- so what'll happen
is you'll come in here,

turn on your steering pumps.
- Okay.

- You're gonna hit these two.
- Yes.

- I'm not rewarding joao
for what happened yesterday.

Joao needs to feel
the responsibility.

What's it like to drive
a boat off the dock?

So it shows him how he needs
to grab his crew and teach them.

Do a steering check.
- Yes.

- And a gear check.
- Okay.

- Up here,
we've got the sun deck.

- Wow.
- Look at that view.

- This is where johnny's
gonna be pumping iron?

- Yes.
- I'll be pumping beers.

- This is the bad one, right?

- This is the master suite.

- Oh...
- I so wish I was the primary.

- Got your master bathroom here.

This is the other three cabins.

- You assholes are down
here by the engine!

- Are we as far away
from your room as possible?

[ laughs ]

- so you're gonna stand here.
- Yes.

- You're gonna go like this.
- Yes.

- 'cause you don't wanna
go forward or backward.

You're spinning the boat.
- Yes.

- You're ready.

- Testing from port
to wing station.

Turning to port.

- Oh, drop your ground line.

- Jack, could we drop
the ground line on the bow?

- Copy that.

- Sandy giving me
this opportunity

after everything's
gone wrong

just proves she's still
got my back, but I'm nervous.

There's so much at stake.

We've got a
multimillion dollar boat.

Anything can go wrong
at any time.

Jack, we're gonna drop
the forward bow line.

- Haul the line fast,
jack, fast, fast, fast.

- Stern ground line clear.

- Copy. Ground line clear.
Thank you.

- Mm-hmm. Move.
- Some more champagne?

- Yep.
- It's veuve.

God damn it.
- We have the expensive luggage.

- It's 100-day return, so
I'm returning that sh--.

[ chattering ]

- hannah, they're both

- Oh...
- I know the anatomy.

That's what I do.

I look at vagina every day
and then I go on yachts.

- Oh, my god.

Okay, cool. And you're happy
to eat while we're cruising?

- Mm-hmm.
- Yes, absolutely.

- Yes? Okay.

- Okay. Now you drive out.
Try not to go too much.

- Travie, could you
call out more, please?

- Forward.

- Copy that.
- Bring it around.

Very good.
Oh, sh--. Don't thrust.

See that boat?
Put the boat in reverse.

Jack, what about the boat
on our frickin' bow?

- I though you'd saw it, sorry.
It's going faster than us.

- See what I mean?
- Yep.

- You know when I say,
like, hear your voice?

- Absolutely.

- Coming up as a woman in
this industry wasn't easy.

I constantly had to fight,

work harder than
my male counterparts.

I don't ever want
any crewmember to feel

like they have to do that.

It's like if you have
the willingness to learn,

I want to give them
the opportunity.

You wanna go that way, hard.

- You wanna go upstairs?

- Yeah, there's a good
view of the port.

We're all about the view.

- Breezy easy,
then I want my cheze.

- Oh, sh--!
These bags are heavy.

- You did a good job.
- Thank you.

I feel like overwhelmed
right now.

It's insane.

There were a few moments
in my life

that I could talk
about forever.

And taking the boat off
the dock is one of them.

- Okay, you can go now.
- It was amazing.

Thank you very much.

- Perfect. Thanks.
- Thanks.

- [bleep], man, [bleep]!
I'm dying.

- Okay, lunch at 1:45 to 2:00.

Sweet. Thank you.

- This is something that
johnny never does in his life.

- How is he in such good shape?

- It's called sex.

- Johnny's like, "ahh!"

- can I help with anything
or are you good?

Yeah, do you wanna start
pulling cutlery for lunch?

- Sure.

Aesha is patient, she's kind.

Like you don't meet
people like that.

I'm just not used to scowls.

- And then just try and
pull it back like that.

Yeah, except do it so that
it's like more of a point.

- Oh, okay, there we go.
- Yeah.

- There we go. Nice.

- Well done, china beans.

- Yeah.

- Would you like to
give me the menu?

- It is grilled
chicken caesar salad. That's it.

- Any dessert?
- Nope.

- Okay.

- I think with these charter
guests, simplicity is the key.

I'm trying to make
a caesar salad fancy,

but more low-key than
sea urchin and caviar.

[ chuckles ]

- that is absolutely gorgeous.
- Absolutely gorgeous.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let me use a strap-on on you?
- No ----ing way.

I go as far as
the female finger,

but only a knuckle deep.
- That's my boy.

- June, June, hannah.

June, June, hannah.

- Hannah, did you call me?

- Yeah. Is your radio
not working?

- No, it is.

- So there's plates,
knives, napkins.

- Yep.
- Okay, cool.

- They're just in
at the bar, though.

- Can we pop it up the stairs?

- Oh, you're ready?
- Yes.

- Okay.

- And just keep
your earpiece in, okay?

- Oh, it is.
I hear both, yes.

- Do you mind opening the door?

Thank you.

- I'm about to put
my nut sack on your head!

- Come check it out!

- Who's head?
- Johnny's head.

- Not my head!
- I'll put it on your head!

- Here you go.
- Check some of this out.

- Okay, I'm hitting the truffle.

- Feel like there's always some
kind of like little problem.

- Are we going out front or...
- You are jfd, dude.

You do what you want, bro.

- I'm johnny ----ing damon,

I do whatever
the [bleep] I want.

I'll bang you, I'll bang you,
I'll bang everyone.

- Boom!

- Y'all good?
- Yeah, I'm good.

- Somehow I doubt it.

- Where...I can't think.

- If you need somebody,
how do you call them?

Is there like a bell?

- No.
- Yeah. Watch this.


That's how you do it!
- Yeah.

- Coming up...

- If you could cook
this more for her?

- Yes, of course.
- Hannah?

- Get yours a bit
cooked as well?

- Just a bit more.

- We basically have a third stew
in a chef's coat.

Could I get this cooked more?

- June, June, hannah.

You can go on break
for two hours.

Aesha's really got to you, eh?

[ laughs ]

- hi.
- Hi.

- Are you guys happy here?
Can I get you anything else?

- We're fabulous.

- All right, you ----ers.

- Twice as long as
the other ones?

- Mm-hmm.

- It is nice that they wanna
spend all the time on the boat.

- At least we're
not doing tender trips

and all that shizzle.

- The man decides the sex.
You know that, right?

So if it's a girl or a boy...

- Yeah?
- It's up to the man, like...

- So how do you make it
if you want a boy?

How would you make a boy?

- This is what we did.
We had a lot of sex.

- This is so beautiful.
I wanna go hiking here so bad.

- Babe, where do you
want to sit?

- Over here?
- So I'm in the sun.

- Anastasia, anastasia,
starting water service.

- This looks gorgeous,

- Thanks, baby doll.

- No.
- [bleep]

- you're one.
- Yeah. Thank you.

- Classic caesar salad, guys.

- That's awesome. Thank you.
- Thank you.

- This salad is
like a meal

that you get at like
your local chili's.

- Wow, this chicken
is fabulous.

- As much as I want
anastasia to succeed,

I also kind of want her back
'cause I'm still selfish.

- Thank you, everyone.

- See you guys tomorrow.

- How small do you
think that guy's dick is?

[ laughs ]

- easiest ----ing lunch I think
I've ever made in my life.

- They will let
anybody in the mlb.

- It's so easy.
- Anyone.

So easy to hit a
98 mile per hour fastball.

- Anchor down!

- That's four shackles
in the water and she's bitten.

- Yes.

- I want to touch the
water with my toe first.

- Yeah, we're ready.

- Travis, can you start
setting up the jet skis?

We're just dragging
the slide over quick.

- No worries, mate.
I'll get everything set up.

Me and jack are back here.

- Cheers, buddy.
Thanks, jack.

- I'm tired.

I'm over this doing
double duty in the galley.

And then I gotta be outside.

I'm getting pulled left,
right, sideways, up, down,

----ing whippity-whoppety.

----Ing call me and I'll do it.

[ whistles ]

- I'm gonna stay with
you until a quarter to.

But then they're gonna
do water sports and stuff.

Will you be okay on your own?
- Oh, yes.

- Okay.

- So if you click it once,
it's in neutral?

- It's about time
for me to peace out.

I'm gonna do the crew mess

and then I'm gonna knock off.
- Cheers, bro.

- Doing okay?

- Yes.


- Look at you,
making a lovely little effort

today with your makeup on.

- I did it!

- And a little bit of lipstick.

- There you are.
Whispering angel.

- Oh, my favorite.
- Is it?

- Yes, it is.

- Oh, no.

- Are you feeling okay?

- No, I know.

The sea is a little rough here.

But watch when I go
around the corner.

- That works for us.
- Is anybody sick?

- No, just been thinking about
sleeping later tonight...

- We are definitely moving.
- Thank you, captain.

- You're welcome.
- Thank you.

- Joao, go ahead
and load that stuff.

We gotta move.
It's too rolly here.

- Where the [bleep]
is the other deck crew?

- Oh, sh--.

- It's all right.

- It's a little embarrassing
when two deckhands

can't even bring in a
jet ski 'cause of the swells.

You know, we have
a two-time world series champion

helping us out.

- Say what?

- Yes, thank you
very much for your help.

- Travis, travis?

Could you please come
help me in the galley?

- What's up?
- Hey, hey! What you doing?

- I'm helping you.
- Yay!

I'm getting a lot
closer to travis now

that he's in the galley
all the time.

He's got depth to him,
but he uses alcohol

to suppress emotions
that he has inside him,

which I think a lot
of people are guilty of.

Cest la vie...

- Anchor up.

- Anchors are home.
- Gee.

Deck crew, deck crew,
I had no idea the slide

was hanging on
the side of the boat.

I need that picked up.

- Wanna do that with
me real quick?

Yeah, travis and I are on.

- Why the attitude?

Slide comes in, it comes in.

- Jesus ----ing christ.

- How's June been doing?

- She's been doing really well.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

I came on and
she was like rocking it.

- Good.

- How the [bleep]
did this happen?

- I'm pretty sure
travis low-key

loves being in the galley.
- No, he does.

- 'cause like when the captain
was talking about the slide

like bringing it all in,

I was like travis,
can you help me.

He was like...

- Travis is so quick to jumping
in the interior

when we got so much sh--
to do outside already,

I have to cut it off.

- What's happening, dudes?
- What's crackin', man?

- Not much. Dinner's finished,
so I'm gonna change quick then.

- Yeah.
- You got time.

- Captain sandy, we are
5-0 on our starboard bow.

That's 50 meters, yeah?

- I don't even know
what a meter is. Sure.

[ laughs ]

- anchor down, anchor down.

- That's four shots
at the anchor windlass.

- Okay, lock it down.

- You almost ready, babe?

- How big is that watch?
- It's massive.

It makes up for my penis,
which is very small.

- It looks so pretty.

- Oh, look at this, guys.
You wanna sit right here?

- June, June, hannah.

Do you know where June is?
- In the cabin.

- Did you hear me?
- No.

- Did you call me?
- Yes.

- Okay. You didn't hear me call?
- No.

- Okay.

- You can start
on the cabins.

- Oh, good.

- Oh, going for the swirl.

- To start
with this evening,

you've just got
a classic garden salad.

At the end of the day,
it's anastasia's galley.

- It doesn't taste just
like a regular salad.

It's delicious.
- It tastes better.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- No, I can't deal
with that right now.

- I am the best circumciser
you've ever met.

A stainless steel bell
on the tip of the penis...

Have you ever heard this,
by the way?

- Sorry?

- He's talking
about circumcisions.

- I've never really had
to worry about that.

[ laughs ]

- are you guys circumcised?

- No, I'm not.

Did someone just say one day
like, ah, what a great idea.

Let's all chop a little
bit of our dick off?

- [bleep] you!

- Can we please just lower the
volume while I'm plating, guys?

Thank you.

- Jeez, so you did two charters
as a chef and, all of a sudden,

you're this artist
who needs her quiet time.

- Oh, jack, can you put
that in there?

- Oh, it's a lovely little--

- Sorry.

- Too many ----ing people
in here right now.

- Yeah.

- The one with brussels
and the clean plates can go.

- Want me to take a couple?
- Be very careful, please.

- Your main course
is a filet mignon

and parmesan brussels sprouts

with a side of
hollandaise sauce.

- Thank you.
- Great.

- It's great.
- Amazing.

- Enjoy.
- Thank you.

This should make everyone happy.

- Might be a little
undercooked for you.

Maybe a little rare.

- If you'd like it
cooked a little bit more,

you just let me know.

- So if you could cook
this more for her?

- Yes, of course.

- Hannah?
- I'm sorry.

I have to ask for...

- Get yours a
bit cooked as well?

No, that's totally fine.

- Anyone else?
- You'd like it cooked more?

- Just a tiny bit more.

- Can I get this cooked
a little bit more?

- Coming up...

- It's getting
caught on something.

- Go in.

- We need to see
what's going on.

- So if you could cook
this more for her?

- Yes, of course.

- Hannah?
- Yes?

- I'm sorry, I have to ask...

- Get yours a bit
cooked as well?

Oh, no, that's totally fine.
- Anyone else?

- You'd like it cooked more?
- Just a tiny bit more.

- Can I get this cooked
a little bit more?

It's annoying to me that the
steaks were not cooked properly.

- Medium's probably
always a safe bet.

- I'm a perfectionist.
I know it comes from my mother.

She's like, "you need
to do it the right way

or you're gonna basically lose
the right to do that thing."

I think you have to be a
perfectionist in this industry.

This is about a medium now.
- Merci.

- I'd rather undercook it
than overcook it.

- Here you go, sir.
- Oh, thank you so much.

- You are welcome.

Is it still under for you?

- No, I'm good.
- Are you sure?

- So good.
- Very good.

- Hi, colin.
- Oh, hey, girl.

How's it going up there?
All right?

- I dropped my life for them.

They needed me.

I treat people with respect.

I expect to be treated,
you know, the same.

- No, I know.
I got you.

- Thanks.

- Jack, jack, joao.

Go to the bridge now.

- I got good wrestling
moves, michelle.

- We might have to wrestle.

- Right now the wind
is at the 0.4.

- Yep.

- But can I teach you
a small trick?

If you make
a right angle of something,

that right there
and the green light.

If you walk out at any time
of the night and do that,

you'll know exactly
that you haven't moved.

Does that make sense?

- I understand what
you're saying, mate.

- Sandy taught me how
to motivate crew.

I want to motivate my crew
by allowing them to see

that I'm not an asshole.

I want to teach them
what I know.

And I want this
to work out for all of us.

[ chattering ]

- now we are getting
ready to rumble!

- Monica, why are you
getting on the ground?

- Pin her!
- I got her!

I got her!

- All right, we got 30 seconds!

I think it's better if you
guys take your shirts off.

- Full nelson!

- Okay, go!

- Double chicken wing.

- He's got the leg!
He's got the full nelson!

- One, two, three!
You're out!

That's it, lester! That's it!

- Bedtime! Let's go!

- Kicked your butt!
- Goodnight, everyone!

- Joao, joao,
we are hauling anchor

at nine a.M.
To head to monaco.

- Morning, darling.
- Hey.

- How you going?
- All right.

- Good morning.
Did you sleep well?

- Yeah, we've been up
for a while.

- Oh, have you?

- Would you like a coffee
or a juice or something?

- Just some orange juice
would be great.

- Orange juice?

- Is this hers or yours?

- No. Hers.

- Just so you know, babe,
sandy doesn't like

to see your phone
with you all the time.

- It's okay.

- Um, what?

- It's usually in the room.

[ clattering ]

- are you ----ing
kidding me right now?

It's stuck, captain.
- [bleep]

- seems like it's getting
caught on something.

- We definitely have
something on our chain.

- I'm going to start bringing
the buffet up now if you guys

wanna start making your way?

- Travis, can you head
on back to the tender

'cause we're
caught on something.

- Tender's free.

- Okay, great.

- Straight up and down.

- If it gets up to 17 meters,
I can jump in and scuba dive.

I might need to get in the water

because how are
we gonna know

what's at the bottom of
this chain if we can't see it?

We need to see what's going on.

The best thing about yachting
is that nothing ever goes wrong.

[ laughs ]

- would you like some
grapefruit or orange?

- Uh, just water.
- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- So it just
won't come up any more?

- Yeah.

- Well, what's left
in the water?

- Just over a shackle.
- Go in.

Travis, I want you
and joao to go in the water.

- All righty.

- I'm gonna get
some dive gear.

Meet me on the stern?

- I wonder what our eta is.

- Hey, captain.
- Hi.

So we've caught
something on our anchor.

My goal is to get you to monaco.

We are gonna do our
best to get this off the bottom

and then meet you in monaco.
- Perfect.

- You're gonna go
into monaco with the guests.

It's 'cause the anchor's stuck
and we need to distract them.

- Travis and joao are
gonna scuba dive down

for this anchor.
- Really?

- Hopefully, they're
not diving under it.

- It's a bit stupid, isn't it?

What's the point
for the wages you get

and you don't risk your neck?

You going for this?

- Going to see
what the [bleep]'s up.

- Do you know what to do?

- I started diving
when I was like 16.

But I've never ever
dragged an anchor up.

It's super dangerous.

You get pinned by
a ----ing huge chain

in 40 meters of
water, probably ----ed.

- That one might be
better for you.

- June, June, hannah.

Come on, come on.
Answer back, answer back.

Come on, please.

June, June, hannah.

June, June, hannah.

Dude, I just want her to answer
her radio just once.

June, June, hannah.

Oh, dude, come on.

I don't care if you
make mistakes.

I don't care if you
take too long to do things.

I don't care if you
oversleep on your break.

Just keep your earpiece in
and answer the ----ing radio.

- When I send two crew down an
anchor chain, it's dangerous.

And if they don't communicate,

one slip could be
the end of their life.

If you don't have enough line,

give it two tugs and
we'll give you more line.

- Okay.

- I just took it out.

- No, you haven't.

- Don't tell me I haven't been
radioing you when I have.

- Hannah.

- There you go!
You got it!

- Bye!

Have fun in monaco!

- Later this season
on "below deck med"...

[ shouting ]

- to halfway!

- I'm the king of the world!

- What?
I gotta go this way!

I'm the king of the world!

- Anchor down!

- Aargh!

- Do you feel like you broke it?

I'm gonna get you
to the hospital.

- Why not?
- Because I don't want to.

- Yachting is not your passion!

- Oh, sh--!
Oh, god.

- Do not let the boat burn!

- Have any requests
for crew meals?

- So now you can listen to me.
- I'm ----ing busy!

The job I'm doing requires
brain power, unlike vacuuming!

- She's not a yacht chef.

I can see she's getting
too big for her boots.

- Tell me what's wrong.
- The rice was cold.

- So twice we've had cold food.

- I was expecting five stars.
This is not five star.

- This is gonna be
a squeezing ahead.

- We're not going there.
- Joao! Whoa!

- Moving in with
your girlfriend.

Better go ring shopping
by the end of this season.

[ laughs ]

- get me up in this.

- You made me think
that you like me.

- What difference
would that have made?

- It would make a difference.

- If you are not certain
you are with your boyfriend,

that makes it complicated.

- This is my invisible curtain.
This conversation is done.

- Hey, travis.

We're in a ----ing restaurant.

- Here's what
I'm really upset about.

It's your abuse of alcohol.

- Travis!

- You're out of
your ----ing mind!

I'm being serious!

- It's a firable offense.

- I don't think he should leave.
- Really think about it.

- Where'd that come from?

- Bring the guests
back immediately.

- She's asked me if we need
to speak about you being fired.

- That service
really wasn't good.

We've gotta pull another shift.

- That's not your decision.
That's my decision.

Your position's redundant.

I have to ley you go.

- Hello, lovelies.
- [bleep].

[ chuckles ]