Below Deck Mediterranean (2016–…): Season 3, Episode 6 - Hasta Barista, Baby! - full transcript

- Previously on

- Previously on
"Below Deck: Med"...

- [laughs]

[smooching]

- I think Conrad is focused on
something other than his job.

- If I say something...

- Yeah, but I am gonna question
the security of the boat.

- He must hate that I'm 23 and
I'm in the position that I am.

- The clothes have
gone in the dryer?

- Yeah.
- (BLEEP)

What she has on her CV and
what I'm seeing in real life--



they're not marrying up.

- [high-pitched mocking]
I am not!

- I always have a thing--
if I actually like someone,

I struggle to be flirty.

[crowd cheering]

- Are the bosun and
the chief stew hooking up?

Like, we're not stupid.
Something's going on.

We're two heads
of departments,

and I wanna keep the respect
of my fellow crew members.

Oh, God, this is
gonna go downhill.

[foghorn blares]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[hip-hop music]



[crowd cheering]

[whistling]

[indistinct chatter]

[music continues]

- What's wrong?
Need some time alone?

- I know you do.

I think you're
letting your emotions

get the best of you tonight.

- I know you're emotional.
It's okay.

You're all right.

If you need to cry,
just do it in my shirt.

It's polyester...
[laughs]

- I always have clung onto
the idea of finding the one.

And I love the idea of love.

I'm sure that's hard to hear,
but it's just--

I hope you unders--

Thank you, I think you're
a ----ing sweetheart as well.

Brooke's impossible
not to get along with.

She's beautiful
and she's sweet,

but she's just not my type.

Let's get up.

I'm just holding your wrists.

- Why like this?
- 'Cause we're friends and all.

- Okay.
- No?

- Yes!

- [yawning]
Oh yeah.

You're a flirt,
whether you feel you are.

- You know that you are--
the way you act.

- You can do that?
- Yeah.

- Why?
- 'Cause you're genuine.

Like, you are who you are.

That, for me,
is marriage material.

- Wow.

- [indistinct]

- Yeah, yeah!
#(BLEEP)

[blows raspberry]

- I like the way Joao is,
like, holding my hand,

but I want a guy who's going
to go for me and be like,

I'm not taking no
for an answer and I'm--

it's what my dad did
with my mom.

She said no a million times,

and he kept trying
and he got her.

And they have the best
relationship I've ever seen.

[motor whirring]

- Was that all right?
- Yeah, you crushed it, bro.

- Give me about two minutes
to go and get changed.

- [laughs]

- You going to bed?
Okay, sleep well.

[phone clattering]
- [laughs]

- Who puts a phone
there anyway?

[both grunting]

- I don't do this
normally onboard.

- Me either.

- Showing affection
and showing emotion

is completely new to me.

- [indistinct] (BLEEP)
- And you ain't kidding.

- I know there's nothing--

I'm not ashamed of
any of it at all.

It's just completely new.

- I'm hurt.
[indistinct] for me too, okay?

- [whispers] Come here.

[tender music]

♪ ♪

All right,
see you in the morning.

- On leave?
- Sweet dreams.

- Et toi.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Usually I keep my
private life very private,

and I've never had
a relationship on a boat.

Going against
every rule I have.

I just like to have fun.

(BLEEP) it.
Ugh.

- We did?
- We did.

- Where?
- No idea, (BLEEP).

- Everywhere.
- Oh, my God.

- Did we?
- Really?

- Oh, my God,
I don't want to know.

[laughter]
I don't wanna know.

It's the one thing I don't like
doing in front of other people.

But I never took
the opportunity

to tell her how I felt.

- We didn't bang
in front of them.

We just had a kiss.
- Thank God.

- [laughs]
- Oh, my God.

[laughter]
Ugh.

- I know it's gonna
make it super awkward

with the pair of you.
- No, please don't.

- [laughs]

- It's already super awkward.

- Aww, honey.

- [laughs]
- It's really not.

Already been
through a break-up,

admitted to having
chemistry with Joao,

and then told the chef
that I like him.

I just need to relax.

- Ooh, I shouldn't hang
upside down right now.

- It's not doing me any favors.

♪ ♪

- Ooh, Cheerios.
That's all you need.

No, this girl seriously
has an obsession.

- Oh no!
[whimpers]

- You aren't
keeping those as well?

- Did you hear her cry?
[imitates crying]

- Where you get those from?

- You can do absolutely
everything with chocolate milk.

Chocolate milk and ice cream,

chocolate milk with,
like, cookies,

chocolate milk,
just, chocolate milk.

- We'll start
calling you leche.

[laughter]
Leche-lech-lech.

- Girls, can you be super
careful with the laundry,

okay, because there's, like,

a bunch of pink stuff
and I can't use these now.

♪ ♪

- Adam, Hannah, Conrad.

Meet me in the crew nest for
a preference sheet meeting.

♪ ♪

- Hi, Sandy.
- Hi.

This is our next charter--
Derrek and Iliana Milan.

Derrek is an executive
recruiter for one of the

largest executive
search firms in the world.

The primary reason
for this trip is to thank

the couples coming along
for their friendship,

and both Derrek
and Iliana are open

to trying anything
the chef prepares.

- Yay.
- Yay.

- Yay.
- This sounds incredible,

everything, on paper,

but I've got a little
post-traumatic

stress disorder
from the last charter.

- This steak is, like,
cold, cold, cold.

- It is?
- Very cold.

- I'm just not gonna eat it.
- They are still warm.

Could this be
too good to be true?

- "The primary may even bring
some fun things from home."

So, eight guests, all up.

- I'm excited.
- Ready to do this?

- Yes.
- All right.

- Thanks, Sandy.

- Have you a lot to do?

- I have to get
this squared away,

and I have to do
all of that.

I don't even know
whose sheets these are.

People just throw stuff
in here.

And then Hannah
gets mad at me.

- If you need me to (BLEEP)
anyone up, just let me know.

Yeah?
- Yes.

- Joao, can you stop
distracting her?

She needs to work.
- Okay.

- Thank you.
- She's working fine.

[laughs]
- [grunts]

- Over again?
Got it?

- Girls, girls--
Hannah.

Can you both meet me
in the main salon please?

- Copy.
- Am I doing it, guys?

Daddy?
Am I doing it right?

- Just gonna sit down
and have a chat.

So, we pick up charter
in a few hours,

so we kind of need
to get you up to speed,

so that I'm not getting
woken up in the morning.

- All crew, all crew,
does anybody know

how to make me Bloody Marys?

- I need to wake you.
- Eh?

- Are you feeling
quite confident

in the coffees and
things like that now?

- Yeah.
- Yeah? Okay.

And how much service
have you done?

'Cause it says on your resume,
"Silver Service trained."

- I never put Silver Service.

I just said that
I have had service,

but I never actually wrote,
"Silver Service."

- Really?
- No.

- Yeah.

- I'll be back in sec.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Coming up...
- Oh my, that man's body.

- Keep it in your pants,
Jamie.

- I'm gonna take it in.
I'm gonna take it all in.

- And later...
- Is that a donkey?

- No, it's a bull.

- Yeah, they're doing it now.

- It says on your resume,

- It says on your resume,
"Silver Service trained."

- I never actually wrote,
"Silver Service."

- Really?
- No.

- I'll be back in a sec.
- What is she thinking?

How did she think that she
was gonna get away with that?

Like...
- [laughs]

God, I would hate
to be her right now.

- So, I just wanna
check with you.

So, barista training...

- Yeah, I have my
bartending certificate.

- Barista?

- Oh, like coffees
and stuff like that?

Yeah, you put in the pod,
and then you click the button--

whatever it may be--
it's a coffee machine.

It's not like a authentic,
I've been a Starbucks barista--

- Okay,
and then "Silver Service"?

- I don't remember writing
that, I honestly do not.

- So you don't think this is
your CV that you submitted?

- I gave my resume
to a friend back home

who's in yachting
to polish it.

I barely looked at it,
honestly,

and I didn't know that
"Silver Service" or

"Barista Training"
was something so high-end.

He made me look like
a frickin' superhuman,

and I am not...
[laughs]

- If you say you're
Silver Service trained,

then I assume that you can
do breakfast services.

- I understand that,

and I'm taking
responsibility for it.

I'm not trying to bullsh--
my way out of this.

- It's just making sense now,

and I just feel stupid
and lied to, to be honest.

- But if I didn't know
that it said that--

- It's your CV.

What is on your CV
is your responsibility.

- And I'm taking
responsibility for it,

- Well, it's a bit late now.
- And I'm sorry--

- 'Cause I'm in the middle
of a ----ing season

with a stewardess who
doesn't know how to make

a ----ing coffee.

[line ringing]

- Hi, honey, how are you?

- Good,
I'm on the bow right now,

just hanging out,
talking to you...

- A tough life
you got there, Colin.

- [laughs]
Yeah, exactly.

- How's the food?
- It's good.

I mean, it's definitely
different than what,

you know, Nana makes, you know.

- Yeah, yeah.
- And to be honest,

I kinda like the New York pizza
better than Italy's.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

I'm definitely missing
my parents.

I'll admit--I'm a little bit
of a mama's boy.

I'm only child,
what do you expect?

My mom cries a lot when
I don't invite her over.

I'm like, Mom,
we both live on Long Island,

we both live
in the same small town,

and I'm only a couple
blocks away from you.

Come on over
whenever the hell you want.

Tell Dad I said hello.

- I will, love you.
- All right, I love you too.

Bye bye.
- Bye.

- Hey.
- Hello.

So...
- Let's sit.

- Thanks.
[laughs]

- I just hate a dirty boat.
- No, I understand.

So, things haven't
really been making sense

with Kasey from the start.

I've just worked out
her entire CV's a lie.

- (BLEEP)

- When I asked her
about her barista training,

she said,
"Oh, you open the thing,

and you put the pod in,
and you press the button."

She doesn't know what
Silver Service is.

- [scoffs]

- Lying on your CV is
100% a fireable offense.

- This is hard.

As a captain,
all the crew reflect me,

at the end of the day,
in the owner's eyes.

But, I mean, we have
a charter boarding today.

So why don't we get
through this charter...

- Yeah, okay.
- With her.

And then...
- We'll go from there.

- Yes.
- Okay.

- I'm pissed that Kasey
lied on her resume.

But at the same time,
a third stew

is an entry-level position.

We're about to start
our fourth charter.

Hannah should've
taken the time

to train her properly by now.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Just found out
my third stew's been

lying to me the whole time,
and her CV is full of sh--.

She doesn't know
what Silver Service is.

It's your CV, bitch, this has
your ----ing name on it.

And now,
I'm ----ing done.

- Oh, is it?

- You didn't...
- No, what?

- Oh, no.

- All crew, all crew,
please be in your uniforms.

- Copy, copy.

♪ ♪

- That's it,
squeeze it right in.

Squeeze it through.

Oh, yeah.
- [laughs]

- All crew, all crew,
to the dock.

- Stupefying.
It's cool.

- I know, wow,
this is incredible.

- Are you a ninja?
You scared me.

- [laughs]
- I didn't even hear you.

- Hi.
- Hi, welcome.

I'm your captain, Sandy.
- Hi, I'm Derrek.

Very nice to meet you, Sandy.
- Nice to meet you.

- Hi, Hannah.
- Hannah, Derrek.

Nice to meet you.
- Iliana, nice to meet you.

- Colin?
- Yeah, how are you?

- Pleasure.
- Nice to meet you.

- We're very happy to have you.
- We're happy to be here.

- We're gonna have you board.

Hannah will show you
around the boat,

and my crew will get
the luggage on board.

- Okay, great, thank you.
- Awesome, thank you.

- Mind just hopping your
shoes off just there for me?

- Whoa, a little bounce to it.

- This is the
bridge deck aft.

We'll be doing
most of your meals there.

- Sounds good. Who knew?
- Oh yeah, perfect.

- Now this is gorgeous.

You could have
a full-blown party up here.

- Fantastic.
- Okay.

- First impressions?

- Really nice.
What do you think?

- Genuine eyes. Genuine smiles.
- Yeah.

I'm so embarrassed.

Now being around Adam

and he knows
I've got a crush on him--

I wish I could avoid him,
but on a boat, you just can't.

- Tan legs, I mean, they spend
a lot of time at the beach.

- [chuckles]

- 'Cause they can't
possibly be upset with life.

- This is the upper salon.
- Beautiful.

- Let's go to the worst room
and see who's gonna

sleep there.
- There are no worst rooms.

- Down, down we go.
- This is the master.

- Beautiful.
- You can get lost.

- I'm already lost.

- So we've got the
two double rooms in here.

- Beautiful.
- Charter number four.

We're ready to go.

All good in the neighborhood.

- Copy.
I'll start releasing.

Can I have these two springs?

Hey, interior, interior,
can I have you guys on fenders

just as we're leaving.
- Copy that.

- That's all lines on board.
You are all clear.

- Look at you,
out on deck.

- Meter and a half
on starboard.

That's your stern in line with
the boat on starboard side.

- One, two, three.

Smile, yucky.

- Captain Sandy,
you are all clear to swing.

- I'm taking over
in the bridge.

- Okay, let's bring
all fenders onboard.

[grunts]

- This is phenomenal.
- Now, this is a jump, dude.

- Can we do that?
- Oh, easy.

God, it's windy out here,
though.

I'm going down.

- Deck crew,
secure everything.

We've got some wind.

If we prevent an accident
from happening--

it's easy,
it's a checklist.

Conrad doesn't have
a checklist.

I can only imagine
if I ask him

where his checklist is
before we leave,

we're gonna have
another issue.

So, let him (BLEEP) up.

- Uh-oh...
- Is he drunk already?

- Deck crew,
we might want to

drain
the Jacuzzi a little bit.

It's slurping around.
- Yeah, copy.

Jamie, Jamie, cover it.

And make sure
you shut off the Jacuzzi,

and then, uh, drain
the valve, please.

- Coming up...

- Oh, my gosh,
please don't do that.

This guest is
clearing the plates.

- So you say, "No, stop."
That's your job.

- Sorry.
- I'm sick of excuses.

[kitchenware rattling]

- Jamie, make sure
you shut off the Jacuzzi,

and drain the valve.
- Copy.

- Ugh, just gonna
check the decks.

- You could feel
the boat being blown.

- All covers or just this?
- Just the main.

- Sandy said to get changed,
so...

- Yeah,
all gonna get changed.

[water trickling]

[mellow music]

- Hey, boo.
- So,

let's do a mixed green salad,
balsamic vinaigrette.

We're gonna have
garlic lemon chicken.

Too much?
- I think so.

Like, two salads...
- I'm just so, like,

wound up from the last trip.
- I know.

♪ ♪

- I have a headache.
This is really bad.

- If you're gonna throw up,

this is when you're
gonna throw up.

- I'm okay for now.

I took the seasickness pill
at, like, 11:00.

- Good.

- Excusez-moi, capitano?
- Si?

- We can't do lunch
on the bridge deck aft

while we're under way...

- 'Cause the wind's gonna blow
their food off their plate.

- Yeah.
- We have blinds if you need.

- Can you put them up
while we're under way?

- Yeah, I can, no problem.

- Oh, yeah, great,
let's do that.

Joao is gonna make
a great leader.

He has initiative,
works hard.

He thinks about,
"How can I help?"

That really means a lot.

- Adam, Adam, Hannah,
all guests are seated.

- There's the rock caves.

- Hannah, I'm plating
protein right now.

- Copy that, on our way.

- You can roll with those.
- Mm-hmm.

- Mmm, oh-ho-ho-ho.

- Wow.
- Exactly.

- So this is
garlic chicken breast.

And we have
poached lobster tails,

herb potato salad,

and mixed green salad
with a balsamic vinaigrette.

- Oh, thank you.
- Oh, look at that heap

of potato salad,
that's amazing.

- Hey, guys.
- Bravo.

- We love it.
It's amazing.

- I just wanted to see
about dinner real quick.

- You do what you wanna do,
and we'll...

- Do you.
- Thank you so much.

Enjoy.
- Well done, Adam.

- Wow.
- Whew!

- Deck crew, now that
the swells have calmed down,

we can drop anchor here.
- Copy.

- Drop it.

[rattling]

That's good.

- Yeah, hop up.

- So, we've got
a blow-up bull,

a riding bull
for the water.

- A bull?
- A bull.

- Oh, wow.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- I'll keep it in my cabin.
- Perfect, okay.

[mellow music]

- How beautiful
is this place?

- Yeah, it's nice.
- Mind-blowing.

- It's the third one
over there.

- This is funny.
- What is that?

Is that a donkey?
- No, it's a bull.

- Yeah, they're doing it now.

She's just come
to help me with this.

- If you need
to set the toys up,

you can do that and then I go
go through this with you later.

- Okay.

- Sure.

- Yes, ma'am.
No worries.

- He's got his nose up
Hannah's butt.

[inflator whirring]

- It's different.

[laughter]

- Own the bull.
Own the bull.

Take the bull by the horns.
- Look at him.

- Take the bull by the horns.

- The neck is wrong.

- He's riding a bull.
- He is riding a bull.

- What are you doing?
[plates rattling]

- What the (BLEEP)
is going on over here?

Oh okay, I was like,
I was just making sure

there weren't plates,
like, flying.

How you doing?
- I'm okay, how are you?

- Hannah's not being
too hard on you, is she?

- It's Hannah.

- I keep saying you're
a New Yorker, you got it.

Tough skin.

Kasey lying on her resume

does not change the way
I feel about her.

I can still see
a willingness to learn.

I mean,
I lied on my first resume.

You fake it till you make it.

That's all
she was trying to do.

- Deck crew,
deck crew, Hannah.

Just be aware we've got guests
that are jumping off the top.

- Ugh, oh, my God.

- Oh hey, babe!

Feet first, baby.
Feet first.

- [laughs]
- Whoo!

[laughter]

- Oh my, that man's body.

- Keep it in your pants,
Jamie.

Is an off the charts
on a yacht,

so please excuse me
if I'm gonna stare,

'cause if staring
is the tiniest amount

that I'm gonna get,

I'm gonna take it in.
I'm gonna take it all in.

- Ow.
- [laughs]

[hip-hop music]

- [grunts]

- [Italian accent]
I'm making carrot cake.

♪ ♪

[mellow music]

- Sweat suiters.

- Yeah,
we're so getting it on.

Look at Captain Stubing
with the hat, the epaulettes.

♪ ♪

- Yum.

I'm on a diet.

- A see-food diet?
- [laughs]

- See food and eat it.

♪ ♪

- For guests to
say, "You know what, Adam?

We trust you.
Make us whatever you want."

Man, that lights a fire
under my ass.

♪ ♪

- Truthfully,
I've worked on yachts before.

Yeah, they might've
been day charters,

but I thought that I would've
had enough experience

for an entry-level position
on a super-yacht.

I mean,
it's not brain surgery.

I got a degree in psychology.

Can't be harder than that.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- Okay,
so let's do cabins now.

- God, this is so amazing.

- The cushions need
to be straightened up.

There's rubbish
in this bin in here.

There's, like,
water marks everywhere.

- I went over it with the
microfiber and the alcohol.

- So why does it
look like that, then?

This is yachting and
we have such a high standard,

and she's not
really cutting it.

Are you taking the
cabin checklist with you?

- I don't need it.
I remember everything.

- Well, you obviously--
you need it, Kasey.

- I'm doing it,
and I'm doing it fine, so--

- Well,
you're not doing it fine.

You were hired under
false pretense,

and that--I have to either
live with, or fire you.

- Okay.

- (BLEEP) me.

- Is it not the most

comfortable thing
you've ever worn?

- Sweat-xedo.

- Beautiful.

- These guests are restoring
faith in humanity.

They're just people that
wanna eat good food.

So we'll start them off
with seared ahi tuna,

crispy wontons,
citrus vinaigrette,

and lots of love.
[clicks tongue]

- This is so good,
it's insane.

- This is delicious.

- All right, go ahead.
- That's it.

You're good to knock off.
- All right, thanks bud.

[excited chatter]

- Shake and bake, baby,
shake and bake.

- Adam, Hannah.
The guests are finished.

Let me know when
you want me to clear.

- Yeah, please take your time

and do a glass of wine
or something.

- Oh, that's helpful, John.

- Oh, my gosh,
please don't do that.

- No, this is
what I do at home.

This is, like, my job.

- Hannah, he does laundry too.
He's good.

- He does laundry?
Oh.

- He wants to get hired.

- He's helping me clear...
[laughs]

Thank you.
- I'll clear these.

- You honestly don't--
no, you won't.

- Yes, this is
what I do at home.

- No, but you're not at home.
You're on holiday.

- I swear to God.
- You need to enjoy yourself.

- I'm doing this.

- One of the guests
is helping Hannah clear up.

- Why?
- God knows.

- [groans]
Damn it.

- Adam, Hannah.
All dishes are cleared.

- I need the time
of plate clearing

to plate their next course.

Okay, I'm gonna need
your assistance, please.

Can you wash your hands?

Hannah has done nothing here
to prevent the guests

from ----ing me up in the
back of the house right now.

- That was
actually quite funny.

One of the guests
started clearing with me.

I was like, no,
I'm trying to clear slowly.

You're ruining
[indistinct]!

- That's ----ing annoying.

- Coming up...
- The slide won't

untwist itself if
it's blown up like that.

Honestly, this guy--
he doesn't know when to stop.

- We haven't had any problems.
I don't see--

- No, stop.
Stop.

[mellow music]

- What was that,
like, two minutes?

----ing (BLEEP),
sh--, (BLEEP).

That's free to go.

- No one gives a sh-- about us.

- Eric's like,
"Yeah, clear your plate?"

Ugh, ugh.
[all talking at once]

- Shh.
Be quiet.

- Thank you, Hannah.
- Thank you.

- That's kinda freaky.
- Thank you very much.

- Thank you.

- For your main this evening,
you have a seafood cioppino.

It has mussels, clams, prawns,
a local fish,

and then spaghetti.

- Delicious.
- Enjoy.

- Thank you so much.
- You're welcome.

- This is so good.

- I can relate to
what Kasey's done

because I've been there--
I've done it.

Opportunities are small
in Zimbabwe,

and I've taken
any opportunity,

whether I could do it or not,
but there are repercussions.

And if you fake it to make it,
and you can't make it,

and people see that in you,

you're ----ed...
[laughs]

- Like, she's like, got,
like, two strikes now, kinda.

- You know what I mean?
- [laughs] Yeah.

- It's like...
- Hello, Kasey.

- Hi.
- I'm ----ing tired.

I'm about to pass
the (BLEEP) out.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Mmm, smells delish.
- We can't smell it.

- I can smell the cookie thing.

- Carrot cake.
- Carrot cake.

- This is not a cookie thingy,
okay?

That is carrot cake with
cream cheese frosting

with a carrot ginger puree.

That's free to go.

She seems more distracted
than she usually is,

and I'm gonna lose my sh--

if Hannah presents this
as a cookie thingy.

- That crisp looks phenomenal.

- Oh, my God.
- What's the dessert?

- Carrot cake with
cream cheese frosting

and a ginger [indistinct].
- That is tasty.

- [high-pitched]
Oh, my God,

you're amazing, Adam.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Kasey, Kasey.
- Go ahead.

- You can knock off now,
just on deck for 6:30.

- Copy.
Thank you.

- Okay, night, guys.
- PJ party.

- We'll see you
in the morning, guys.

- Sleep well.

♪ ♪

[bright music]

[alarm clock ringing]

- Got life rough.
- [laughs]

- [high-pitched]
What up, hoodrat?

- Hi.
- How are you?

- Hannah said she's
on the verge of firing me.

- Hannah had
mentioned something

about your CV to everyone.

- Saying?
- Just saying that

there was a couple of things
that weren't true.

- I take responsibility
for it 'cause it's my CV.

I should've checked.

- But it did get you here,
so it's not...

- Yeah, but it also
might get me outta here.

- Kind of.

The biggest thing about
yachting is the deception

of people only
one step above you

that feel that they have

so much power,
and yet, they don't.

If the Captain's
happy with your work,

you're gonna stay.

I'll try and back you up
as best as I can.

- Thanks.

- All right, we can start
pulling the anchor up.

- Copy.
Colin's on his way.

- Coming up, Cap.
[rattling]

Four shackles in--
sorry, five shackles.

♪ ♪

Anchor is in the pocket.
- Great job.

We're gonna go to Capri.

- Yes, please...
[laughs]

- I'm just gonna
have a cup of tea

and chill out now in my room
after my cry.

[laughs]

- Your cry?

- My daily cry.

[Joao and Brooke laughing]

I wish I was joking...
[laughs]

- That's terrible.

- I like Brooke.
I love our conversations.

And I don't want her
to ignore me.

[chuckles]

[upbeat music]

- Um, do you guys want
anything to drink?

- Oh, yeah, coffee please.

- Yes, please.
- Coffee?

- Yes, thank you.
- You're welcome.

- I'm gonna send you
to land today.

- Really?
Oh, I get to go to Capri.

- Yes, you do.
- My favorite.

Do I get to sip rosé all day

in the sunshine
with my big shades?

- Jamie, you're gonna go
into Capri with Brooke today.

- Oh, that's lovely!
- Cool.

- Thank you so much.
Two thumbs up.

[bright music]

- This is insane.

I like this place.
- Isn't it gorgeous?

- Anchor down, anchor down.

- Copy that.

[rattling]

- Two shackles in the water.

- Okay, comin' down.

- All right, we're out of here.

- Cheers, salud.
- Cheers, guys.

- See you later.
Have fun.

- Cheers, yay.

- Awesome, love it.

- Oh, my gosh, look at that.

- Capri is stunning--

the view, the culture,
the people.

Everything is
just unbelievable.

Like, pinch me.
Am I awake right now?

- All right,
what's up, ladies?

Let's get those sandals going.
- Cute.

- What?

- I'm trying to get less sugar.

Just so if I know when you're
on the bridge and you need it.

- That's exact--like,
like, that much cafe.

- Okay.
- And the rest milk.

And then a spoonful of sugar.
- Just a spoon of this sugar?

- Yeah.
- You got it.

- Thanks, Kasey.
- You're welcome.

- That's really lovely.
- [laughs]

I wanna keep my job.

And if keeping my job
means I gotta kiss up

to the captain,
that's what I'm gonna do.

- So good.

[mellow music]

♪ ♪

- Ready, go...
[grunts]

- Down.

Whoa.
Oh, sh--.

- The slide is maybe
the worst invention

in the history of life.

There is too much rubber.
There's too much hoses.

I sound like
I'm describing a sex scene.

- Conrad?

The slide won't untwist itself
if it's blown up like that.

- It won't.

- I've used this
exact slide before,

and I'm like, okay...

- Joao is really starting
to really (BLEEP) me off.

Honestly, this guy--
he doesn't know when to stop.

- We haven't had any problems.
I don't see the problem now.

- Stop.

- We haven't had any problems.

- We haven't had any problems.
I don't see the problem now.

- Stop. Stop.

- That's exactly what happened.

- No, I untied all the lines
and redid them.

- I don't know why you start.

You just did right now.
- I'm clarifying something.

- That's exactly what happened.

- It's professional ego.

He doesn't want to look like
he's being undermined.

It's ----ing ridiculous.

If you don't want me
to make your job easier,

then I won't do it,
(BLEEP) it.

[mellow music]

- I'm literally gonna
shed a tear tomorrow

when I have to leave.

- She's not leaving,
by the way.

- I know, I'm not leaving.
I'm gonna take Kasey's outfit.

I'll become the third steward.
- [laughs]

- Yeah, you can.
- You can, actually.

- [laughs]

- It's beautiful there.

I bet the guests
were like, "Wow."

- Yeah.

- I'm happy with
how much you're working,

how hard you're working.
- Thank you so much.

- I notice.
- Thank you very much.

If the Captain says
that I'm doing well,

that's all that matters.

[vacuum whooshing]

♪ ♪

- Good job, Kasey.

♪ ♪

[exciting music]

[excited chatter]

- [indistinct].
Tender on the way back.

- Perfect, thank you.

- All the toys are out.

- Hell yeah.

- Hi, how was it?

- It was awesome.
Ooh, some fresh towels.

Thank you.
- Did you miss us?

- I did, actually.

- You have to see
my new sandals.

- All right, so we're
suiting up and heading out?

- Yeah, let's do it.
- All right, let's go.

- Ah, just in the nick of time.

- Here you go.
- Tequila, thank you.

Here you go,
a sweeter one for you.

♪ ♪

- [screams]

- Oh!
[laughs]

- Drunk love, baby.
- Whoo.

- It's seawater...
[laughs]

- Are there any wet towels--
- Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.

Yes.

- Oh, yeah.
- Thank you so much.

- Looks amazing.
- How are you?

- I'm great.
- You sure?

- Yeah.
It's been such a busy charter.

We haven't had
a chance to chat.

I just don't--
I don't want you

to get the wrong idea of me,
that's all.

- We discussed the fact
that we had chemistry,

and then you blatantly
didn't remember it,

so then I felt stupid.

- Okay.

- Yeah, me too.

What?

- Yeah.

- Okay, good chat.

- [laughs]

♪ ♪

- I am ready for a cocktail.

- Are you wearing those
to dinner, Iliana?

- Absolutely I am.
- That looks amazing.

- I felt like I just
couldn't do anything right

until these amazing guests
came onboard.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- I'm starting to get
my groove back.

I'm starting to get
my mojo back.

Let's rock and roll.

Okay,
let's be quickie-quickie.

For the main,
I got a New York strip,

little bit of cream spinach,
roasted potato,

grilled zucchini,
and a beautiful bordelaise.

- Okay, cool,
how's the laundry looking?

- I have to turn it over.
- You have to?

- Yeah, I was just telling you
that I finished the cabins.

- Okay, cool, thank you.

And I was just asking you
how laundry is.

- Let's go.
- Oh, thank you.

- So for your main course
this evening,

you have a New York strip
with baby potatoes, cherries,

tomatoes,
and grilled zucchini.

- Yum.
- Oh, my gosh.

This cream spinach
is so good.

- Radio test,
radio test.

- Yo...
[laughs]

- Thanks.
- Holler at your boy.

- Holler.

- You're gonna get everyone
in trouble again.

Just sit down.
- Here we go again.

- I'm not gonna get
all of them.

- What are you doing?
- He can't help himself.

- No.
- See, Hannah?

- I told you,
you're gonna get in trouble.

- Let him, let him.
- He can't help himself.

Ah, sh--.

- I hate that sound.
What happened?

- This guest
is clearing the plates.

- We need to--no.

The desserts aren't
even close to being ready.

So you say, "No, stop."
That's your job.

- Sorry.
- I'm sick of excuses.

[tense music]

- Coming up...

- Conrad,
just take over the anchor.

And Joao, you can
come into the bridge.

- Copy.
- I am the captain now.

- This guest

- This guest
is clearing the plates.

- No, the desserts aren't
even close to being ready.

So you say, "No, stop."
That's your job.

- I'm trying
to physically stop him.

- All right, well, they're
gonna have to wait longer.

- Yeah, yeah, that's fine,
but there's nothing I,

like, physically,
nothing I can do.

- It's just never her fault.

Okay, do you have a dessert
wine that you can put out?

Limoncello?
- Yeah, limoncello.

- Bam.
- Okay.

- Talk to me, goose.

- Just keep going.

- I'm trying.
- You are.

Nobody's saying
you're not trying.

- It doesn't matter.
You just cannot crack.

- Yeah.
- You just try and adapt.

- Can do.

- And keep a smile
on your face.

I'll tell you what lets off
a lot of endorphins

and makes you,
like, super happy.

- Sex.

- It's funny.
I was thinking that as well.

- I haven't had sex
in eight years.

- See, just the thought of it
makes you happy...

[laughs]

- Okay, just cuddles, then.

- [muffled]
Perfect.

[dance music]

- Is that limoncello?
- Oh no.

- It's just a little palate
cleanser before your dessert.

Perfect bluff.

- Have at it.

[cheers and applause]
- There it is.

- A little key lime pie.
Thank you so much.

- My favorite dessert.
You cooked a perfect meal.

- We still have
a whole 'nother day,

so let's make it happen.

All right,
you guys, thank you.

- Oh, my God.

- This is really good
key lime pie.

- The eating part
is where we excel.

- See you in the morning,
Kase.

- See you in the morning.

- Okay, night, guys.
- Night, guys.

- Good night.
- Good night.

- Why would you want
a glass that big?

It's like a goblet.

I can get two hands
on the shaft of that.

- How'd you make me smile
when I'm having

such a sh-- day, Conrad?

- Pick you up when you're down.
God, look at me.

[mellow music]

♪ ♪

- [groans]

♪ ♪

- Operation Kiss Up to Sandy
is still under way.

- Oh, there's your phone.

- Thank you.

- [clears throat]

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

- Can I get you anything?
- Uh, coffee.

- Sure.
- Kasey, what's happening?

- I'll put this away.
I just, I'm gonna get--

- No problem.
- Just, like, bring a coffee.

- You have come a long way.
I just wanna say that.

You're even great
at cleaning.

You're doing great.

- I'm wicked impressed.

- Thank you.

- There you go.
- Thank you.

- ----ing annoyed.
- Oh, God.

- Conrad, Conrad.
Sandy.

- It's all bullsh-- and I feel
taken advantage of and lied to.

- Conrad, Conrad.
Sandy.

- [sighs]

- Colin, Colin.
Sandy.

- Colin on.
- I'm glad you can hear me.

I just wanna make sure
someone's on the aft deck

before we start
pulling out the anchor.

- Yeah, Cap,
I'm headed back there now.

- Thank you.
- [clears throat]

- Okay, you can start
pulling the anchor up.

- Copy, hauling anchor.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Actually, Conrad,
just take over the anchor.

And Joao, you can
come into the bridge.

- Copy that.
- I don't play favorites.

What I do reward is initiative.

- Morning.
- In light of your

excellent work habit...
- Yes?

- You're driving us outta here.
- No.

That's awesome.
- How many guests are up?

- Six.
- Six, (BLEEP).

But none of them have
asked for anything yet?

- Nope, just coffee.

- Okay.
- One shackle remaining.

One shackle.
- All right.

Joao will be driving us
out of this anchorage.

- Copy.

- You got one incoming
on your starboard side.

- Anchor is out of the water.
- Copy, thank you.

- Anchor is home.
Anchor is home.

- Copy.

- Hey, deck crew, deck crew.

Can you guys come and go
through and empty the garbage?

- Copy.
- Sh--.

- More throttle.
- Okay.

Flaps close.
More.

More, more, more.

- Okay, five degrees...

- Yeah, you know,
you can steer it.

You're in charge.
- All right.

- Joao must genuinely
have golden bollocks.

All he does is get praise.

- Go to 1,000 rpms.
- Okay,

- This is a perfect scenario
for you.

- Yeah,
I am the captain now...

[laughs]

- For (BLEEP)'s sake.

(BLEEP)

- Living the dream...
[laughs]

- Next on "Below Deck: Med"...

- I just wanna know
where you stand,

where Kasey stands,
where I stand.

Can we just have this--
hash it out,

so we know what--
who is where?

- Primary couple
are celebrating

their ten-year
wedding anniversary.

They better not all be white.

- [Italian accent]
It's too spicy.

- Ugh!

- Are you not happy?
- No.

I'm frustrated
that we give her

rounds of applause
when she's lied.

- I'm not gonna have
this conversation

about her ----ing resume.

- There's no need for it.
- Get the (BLEEP) out my face.

- I'm not asking for
a ----ing juggling

thunder-(BLEEP) like you
to come out and be an asshole.

- Respect the ----ing woman,
you prick.

- For more
"Below Deck: Mediterranean,"