Below Deck Mediterranean (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - All Chained Up and No Place to Go - full transcript

Naked guests distract the crew; Hannah and Bobby hash out their differences; tension mounts between Lauren and Bobby; Bugsy deals with the loss of her grandmother; a twisted anchor chain leaves the crew and guests stranded at sea.

- Previously on

- Previously on
"Below Deck Mediterranean"...

- Ship now.

- What was Hannah
telling you there?

- You f---ing throw me
under the bus.

You did it with Lauren,

and you're f---ing doing it
right now.

- Bobby seems to think

that I've been talking sh--
to Lauren,

that I've been talking
sh-- to Malia.

- Can't remember you saying
one bad thing about him.

- This is when Hannah
pulled you aside saying

don't waste your time with me.
- Yeah.

- So either she's lying
or you're lying.

- I'll be the liar.

- Thanks for your support,

Why don't you go f--- Ben?

- I miss you.
- I know. [laughs]

- The primary charter member,
Mr. Skin,

They would like to schedule
their naked news photo shoot.

- I mean, this yacht
is only 160 feet.

- Okay, you didn't say
the lines, but you know what?

That was still good.

My gran was such
a strong woman,

and I need to pull myself

It's what she
would have said to me.


The wind's picking up.

If we hit the rocks,
we're totally screwed.

- Boy, we've really drifted.

- I trust the captain.

- I need you get in that tender
and push.

It's getting really close.
Max, what are you doing?

[horn honking]
Push the boat.

[horn blares]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Whoo!
- [laughs]

- I'm so proud of Skin.

- Whoo!

- The beauty of the stern tie
is it creates

this beautiful sanctuary
where it feels

like it's the guests'
private little area.

The downside is,
if the wind picks up,

then we're in danger
of hitting the rocks.

- Look where we are right now.


- And we haven't actually lifted
an anchor?

- No.
- That's insane.

- F---.
I want to stay away

from that rock.
- Do you want a spot?

- Yeah.
- Max.

I need you to get in the tender.

We're getting too close
to the rocks.

I need you to get in that tender
and push.

When the wind shifts the boat
a little bit,

instead of starting
the main engines,

disrupting the charter
clients' trip,

you basically put
a deckhand in the tender

and have 'em push
while we reposition the vessel.

Max, come push.
- Yeah, I got it.

- It's getting really close.

Okay, so we're gonna tell
the clients we're gonna move.

I'm gonna re-anchor this boat.

- All right. Copy that.
- Why isn't Max pushing?

Max, come push the boat.

What are you waiting for?

- Just put the boat up against--
keep it in gear.

- You want me to push
that massive, huge boat

with this little boat?

- Give it throttle.
There you go.

You gotta work on him.

- No.
- What? Oh, chips.

- There you go.

So it's jalapeno salsa
and guacamole.

- We are so close
to hitting these rocks,

and I'm kind of getting
a little bit concerned

about getting slapped
by silicone over here.

- Might wanna tweak
the nipples a bit.

- Max, you just stand by
with the tender.

- What do we got?
- Oh, good. Okay.

I'm too close to the wall here.
- All right.

- So I'm gonna go out
a little farther.

- Perfect.

Bobby, let's try to pull
the anchor in on high speed.

- Copy that.

[tense music]

- All right, Wes, throttle.

- There you go.
Just keep it there, buddy.

Keep going.

[engine revving]

- Yeah...

Thanks for your patience.
One thing I'm noting is,

nothing always goes to plan.
- Of course.

- The elements always throw
a little surprise at you.

- What would happen if,
like, someone totally screwed up

and you weren't
paying attention?

- Yeah, of course.

[electronic music]

I'll drop the starboard first.

Shackles in.

[chain clanging]

[anchor thuds]

- Starboard side's locked off.
Ready on port.

- Drop it.
[chain clanging]

The wind's picked up,
so we are gonna drop two anchors

to make us secure.
- And it looks like we have

some good tension.
- We're safe and secure.

♪ ♪

- Whew!
- Whoo-hoo!

You and Bobby got issues,

but I think there's still
feelings there.

- No.
- Are you sure?

- Absolutely not.

- Mm-hmm.
- [clears throat]

- I promise.
- Yeah?

- Seriously.

To know that he's, like,
soiling my name, it hurts.

- 'Cause she f---ing screwed
me over, playing me with Ben.

- I thought we were friends,
but he wants no part of that.

I think he's okay
with being a dick to me.

- I feel completely alone
right now.

Hannah is the only friend
I have on here,

and I f---ed up.

- [smacks lips]

- Are they after
the green juice?

- Yeah, can you finish that off
for me?

- Of course.
- Thank you.

- Sure thing.

[blender whirring]

So the passing of my gran
is still weighing down on me.

I feel like I should be
with my family right now,

but I'm just trying
to keep focused,

keep my head down,
and just get my job done.

- Okay, cool.

- Perfect.
One green juice coming right up.

- How do people
drink this sh--?

[upbeat music]

- We're doing this naked.

- So you're gonna have 'em just
going naked paddleboarding?

- Yeah.
- Easy on the boobs! My God!

- Sorry you have to see this.
[man laughs]

- Hannah and Lauren who?

- Ken, how's your

- Look what I have to serve
dessert with.

How cool is this?

- Oh, my God.
- No.

You're not gonna catch me
dead in that f---ing thing.

- Adam, we're a team.
- Nope.

- Yeah.
- This chef doesn't leave

the galley in that sh--.

Hell no.
Not gonna happen.

- I'm sure there'll be lots
of people

that are disappointed, Adam.

- Sandy?
- Yes.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- We would all love you
to join us for dinner tonight.

- Oh, I would love that.
I feel honored.

- Okay, great.
- Thank you.

Oh, my God, I'm excited.

- The guests told me
they wanted to be this way.

- Okay.
- I'm just kidding.

- Liar. [laughs]

And that's all we got.
[both chuckle]

Unless you want me to squirt you
with the hose.

- Like, make yourself
comfortable in the whole bed.

Okay, let's do this.

- And then there's my cabin.

Pretty cramped, I know.

Sure, the sheets
are Egyptian cotton--

I forgot my last line.

- Oh, mama mia.
- You gonna make some tits?

- You know, I didn't think
I was gonna like this thing

and it was gonna piss me off...

- Ah, the guests want a cake
shaped as a nude woman.

- Wait. Where do you see that?
- At the anniversary party.

- What?
But I'm actually starting

to think it's kind of funny.
- Hannah, the guests want me

to have dinner with them

- Okay. Oh.

We're doing a very sexual theme
for dessert.

- It's gonna be, like,
the worst dinner ever for you...

- It's gonna be
the worst for you

to actually see my skills
as a chief stew.

There's always
a bit more pressure

when the captain's at dinner
with the guests,

because we know that
they're gonna be watching

every move we make.

And I really hope that Sandy
does us and herself a solid

and leaves before
the cake of boobs come out.

- Um, Sandy, you don't
eat duck, right?

- No.
Chicken's fine.

So I'm going back.
- It's pretty cool, though.

- Thank you.

I don't want to do the service
with her at the table.

- It's gonna be weird.

It's like--it's like talking
to your grandma about...

- Dicks.
- Thing--

[both laugh]

[mellow music]

♪ ♪

- [humming]

- The last couple days with
Hannah and I's relationship,

not talking to each other,
it has sucked.

Can I steal you for two seconds?

- [sighs]
- Two seconds.

I just don't want this anymore.
I want...

to be friends
with my Hannah again.

First, I jumped to conclusions.

- Mm-hmm.
- But I wish you'd sold it more

like, "Lauren's f---ing lying."

But you kind of shrugged it off.

You're like,
"I didn't say that."

- Because you're my friend.

All I knew was that she said
you guys were on a date

and that she showed up and
there was two other girls.

And I just went, "Oh,
that's really slack."

I didn't tell Lauren
those things.

I didn't say anything
bad to her.

Like, we're friends.
Why would I--what--

why would I tell Lauren that?

- I'm not perfect.
I make mistakes.

I overreacted.
Hannah's my friend.

And I was in a weird spot.
I was confused.

I didn't know who was lying.

She put it in my head
that you talk sh--.

And then that's
what I just thought

was going on the other day.

- I have no reason
to talk badly.

If anything,
I'd be saying good stuff.

- And that's, you know, what
I want to apologize about.

I'm sorry, you know?
- [sighs]

- Sorry.
Give me a hug.

- I'm glad that he's owned up
to it and I'm glad

he's come to the realization
himself that I wasn't lying.

But he's burnt me
one too many times,

so I'm very, very wary
of Bobby now.

- Have a good dinner.

- Thank you.
- Time to get changed.

[upbeat music]

- Oh, hi.
- Hey.

If there were espresso pods
in here...

- How many times do I have
to tell you?

Not in front of other people.

- What do you got?

- See what you've done?
- I tried not to ask,

but I couldn't resist
any longer.

- What was that?

- Yeah, I mean, that's--
- Wes.

Say my name correctly.

- Would you like one?
- Yes, please. Thank you.

- I'm gonna go drink this
right now.

- Bye.

[driving techno music]

- Whew!
Gotta run it through the sieve.

That's what we do.

That's hot as f---.

I've got a stressful night
ahead of me.

I've got four courses,
all the dietary constrictions.

Sandy's gonna be
sitting at the table,

Any time you have the captain
at the table,

it's like
the pressure's on.

♪ ♪

- Perfect.

♪ ♪

- Looks good, honey.

- This is really important
for me,

because although Sandy and I
got off

on a little bit of a rough
start at the beginning...

- I don't want stuff
all over the salon

tomorrow when I wake up.
It isn't like

you're gonna sort it out

See how it's pushing me over?

- I'm getting annoyed,
which is really scary,

'cause it's day three.
- Yeah.

- Our relationship's getting
to a good place.

So I want to keep it there

and keep her happy
and keep her in the bridge.

Are you excited for dinner?

- No.
- Yes, I am.

'Cause I get to have his food.

- All right, I think I'm ready.

- So you have to mind
your Ps and Qs at dinner.

We got a captain at the table.

- How are you two doing?
- Good.

- So you know,
when on anchor watch tonight...

- Yes.
- Just come out here,

take a look at the distance.

- Yeah.

So Malia's gonna get
two hours of sleep.


- When a vessel's at anchor,

someone is always
watching the boat.

I do three-hour anchor watches.

- Let's go get some dinner

- Okay.

CO2 extinguisher,
while you're taking a sh--.

- [laughing]

- I f---ing dumped it
on his ass.

- [laughing]

- I feel like my history
with Bobby

has put me in a really terrible
situation on this boat.

Bobby's able to, like,
continue on laughing

and carrying on
and be positive.

[man screaming]

- [laughing]

- And I'm sinking
into, like, a dark hole.

I just want to get--

Oh, sorry.
I thought you were Bugs.

- That's okay.
Where the f--- did I put that?

You know what?
Life's f---ing hard,

and you need to grow
a thick skin.

I can't have
a crying stewardess around

when I'm trying
to do dinner service.

- [sniffles]

- Okay.
- I need some help.

I can't run this boat
with just Bugs.

- Coming up...
[mechanical clanging]

- What was that?

- It won't come in.
- Can you see the line?

- Yeah.
There's, like, a kink in it.

- What the F---?
- No Way.


- Awesome.

- Got a good-looking charter.

- Okay.

- Cool.
- Where is Lauren?

- Okay.

I'm gonna start
on the cabins now then.

- Cool.
As a chief steward,

I do things a little differently
to Hannah.

And in the past when somebody's
having an emotional breakdown,

I prefer to choose
the more hands-on approach

to help my fellow
crewmembers out.

Sit down for two secs.
- No.

- You're all right.
- Yeah, I'm fine.

- What's going on?
- Oh, nothing.

I'm okay.

- Are you just feeling

- I just want to do my job
and not be treated like garbage.

He's fabricating things
for attention,

and I'm getting the sh-- end
of the stick.

- I am sick up to here
of hearing this Bobby thing.

I've just lost my grandmother.

- [sobs]

- You need to pipe down.
You're making sh-- awkward.

- It's just so unfair that
this is happening to me.

I just, like, want to get
the job done and go to sleep.


- What's going on?

- I'm gonna be
a steward tonight.

- Well, that's good.
Least I get to spend

a little time with you; I feel
like I barely even met you.

I don't want Lauren
to go melting away,

but, you know, if it meant
I get more Malia time,

then so be it, right?

Like, f--- it.

You want some soup?
- Sure.

I guess this is the perk
of working in here.

- Okay, let's go.

- Wow.

- At that seat.
- Gorgeous.

- Whoa.
Look how beautiful it looks.

- Do we have to be on our best
behavior if you're sitting--

- Not at all.
- Oh, God.

- [laughing]

- I've done water.
I've done wine.

I'm gonna do bread,
and then we're ready.

- Let's go.

- When did you come up
with the idea to start it?

- As a kid, I always would watch
as many movies as I could,

but only because
I was fascinated

by the nudity in the movies.

I'd record a movie,
just extract the nudity,

and put 'em on separate tapes.

17 years later, I have
the greatest job in the world

and the whole thing.

- And now here you are
in Croatia...

- Celebrating.
- On a big yacht.

♪ ♪

- Butternut squash bisque.

Doesn't that sound lovely?

- Don't worry, guys,
I'm just on anchor watch.

- How late you gotta be up?
- Till--I mean, I have to be up

till midnight anyway.
- Nice and slow.

Oh, there you go.
Just hand it off.

Thank you.

I could see it in your face.
- No.

- Come on. Come back.

- "Oh, there you go.
Just hand it off."

- I'm a little reluctant
to jump into anything.

I was in a relationship
for seven years

with a beautiful
Middle Eastern girl.

But she never
told her parents about me

because of
cultural differences.

- Ooh, what is this stuff,

- It's a lovely herb.
It's called thyme.

- Oh.
- After what I've been through,

with the love that
I poured into that,

I've got trust issues.

I don't want
to feel that pain again.

Oh, my gosh.
- So this evening, to start,

it's a butternut squash bisque.

Bon appétit.

[tense music]

- This is delicious.
- This is absolutely delicious.

- It is.

- Wow.

- [humming]

- So we do two tofus.

- Two to--is this guy a tofu?

- So no shrimp for him.

- No.
You're not listening to me.

I got a salad for him.

- It's the first meal service
we've done

with Captain Sandy
at the table,

and I want to make sure
that she knows

the interior of this boat
runs absolutely flawlessly,

whether she's there or not.

- It needs, like,
something else.

- Why don't you put a slice
of something pretty?


- Nailed it.

Knew she was in here
for a reason.

- So I talked to Hannah.
It's like, you know, "Listen."

I was like, "Obviously you know
why I blew up at you."

And obviously Lauren shows,
you know,

that she can't be trusted.

- The soup,
you could run it down.

- Yeah.

I'm totally cool
with helping the interior

with whatever
they need help with.

Hannah, you all good?

I just want to make sure
I'm going--

- Yeah, if you could start
washing up.

- Yeah.
I just kind of wish

I could focus
just on anchor watch,

'cause it's my first time,

but gotta roll with it.

[upbeat music]

- Slow down on the clearing
is what we need to do.

Part of that happened in,
like, 30 seconds.

- If you, as a chef,
would prefer me

to leave the food
in front of them, then--

- People eat slowly,
and they like having time

in between their courses.

- Yeah.
- Now we just got cleared

in 30 seconds.
- Yeah.

- Well, don't give me excuses.

- I'm not giving you excuses.
- All right.

I'm telling you that I preferred
no plate in front of them

than dirty, like, shells.
- Okay.

Okay. Sounds good.

Sounds good.

That's what it sounds like.

- So okay, today when we kept,
like, drifting closer

to the rock, was there,
like, an emergency

that we didn't know about?
- No, not at all.

It wasn't an emergency.
I was watching it,

and we got really close,

and the wind was on our beam,
on the side,

so it was pushing it.

- Yeah, I was wondering
about that.

It's great to know.

- So we've got plant lady,

- Yep.
- Sam--

- I don't care about names.
I want "chicken, duck, tempeh."

[percussive music]

♪ ♪

- So we've got Sam,
who doesn't eat meat,

who only eats seafood.

- Oh, right. Yeah, yeah.
- Then we've got plant lady.

- Okay, okay.

right there.
- Okay.

- I've worked with
very difficult chefs.

I mean, I definitely think

it all comes down
to communication.

Otherwise, it's just gonna go
absolutely out of control.

- But you just told me
to stop talking.

- I'm just
getting nervous there.

Still missing a plate.
What is it?

- Three tempeh, one chicken,
and the rest duck.

- Perfect.
I've got full-on dinner going.

I got a naked lady cake

I'm actually starting to sweat

for the first time
in this galley.

Just sauce and go, all right?
- Yep.

- Thank you.

- The main course tonight
is pan roasted duck breast,

and for the vegan,
same thing but with a tempeh

and for Sandy, we have
the chicken breast.

- Thank you so much.
- My pleasure.

- It looks wonderful.
- Mmm.

So far, so amazing.

- These flavors are fabulous.

- Thank God
for celebrity nudity.


- Well, now Sandy will watch it.

- Yes.
- Yes!

- I'm gonna actually just
look it up, at least.

I mean, I...
- Yeah.

- Am curious.

- Titties to the rescue.

You ready to make some nipples?

- Yeah, let's make nipples.
- Good.

- 10, 12, 14, 16!

- [sighs]

Are you guys still okay
to help me out?

- Oh, my God, they're,
like, painted.

Oh, you got a thong on that one.

- Thank you, guys.

- How did you two meet?

- Lot of drugs.

No, I'm just kidding.

- You hit the jackpot, dude.

I hope every day, you give
gratitude for her.

- Oh, are you kidding?
I'm on my knees every day.

Sorry, Captain Sandy,
that you had to hear that.


- Are you annoyed
'cause you have

better muscles than the man?
Here, here, here.

- I don't know
if I can get this thing on.

- This is the classiest
I have ever looked.


- Do you want to do this
or you want to sit out?

- I really would rather, like,
get laundry done.

- Okay.

Are you okay
if I start clearing?

Do you want a few more minutes?

- Uh, if you got it.

- Malia.
- Yeah.

- Do you want to come with me?
- Yes.

- Oh, it's sticking
to that parchment paper.


- This is where I'm going
to depart.

I'm gonna go to the Internet
now, and I'm gonna look it up.

- Thank you so much.

- Really.

- Are you guys wearing a shirt
under this?

both: No.
- Still wearing my shirt

underneath it.
Quite tight.

[hip-hop music]

- So if you guys are happy
to just relax for a minute,

we've got a dessert coming.

Does anyone want a drink,

- Can I get a decaf coffee?

- Okay, sure.

- No, I don't like it.

- Do you have
any sort of, like,

time estimate on when
he's gonna be--

- Oof.

- Maybe 10--15--
uh, ten minutes?

Are we good?
- I don't know.

I hope so.
F---ing eighth time's a charm.

Sh--. Not good.

- Coming up...

- I am scared sh--less,

'cause the last person
I want to see hurt is Wes.

[water splashes]
- Ah, sh--.

- [grunts]

Oh, whoa, whoa.
Yeah, there you go.

- Looks cute as sh--.

- [laughs]
You know, making a perfect

nipple out of fondant
is not as easy as it looks.

Is the nipple erect?
Is it soft?

Like, did she just get done

I don't know.

I've never handled
so many titties at once.

- Have we moved?
- Did we get turned around?

- Yeah, we swung a little.
- That's okay, right?

- Yeah, we're anchored,
I think.

- Get your birthday suits on.

- Hey, guys.

and indistinct chatter]

- That's awesome.
- Here is your custom...

- Oh, my God.

- I'm stoked
that the charter guests

are giving us
a standing ovation.

- Oh, my God.
- All I'm thinking is,

the tip is just going up.

- Man, you're ripped.

- Oh!
- Yay!

- Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam!

Adam! Adam!

- Amazing.
- Thank you.

- Good work, dude.

- The boobs were
a complete success,

and I didn't have to put on
the stupid body shirt.

- I can't wait
till the pie section comes.


- Wow.

[upbeat music]

- That's for you, Sugar.

- Oh, thank God.

- Bobby, the service is over.

You can put a shirt back on.

- Do it.
- I will lick a little

on the front nip, but then...
- Aww.

[indistinct chatter
and laughter]

- Get it, girl.
- Ahh!

- You're gonna choke.
- Take it!

- Oh, my goodness.
- Hooray for boobies!

- Good fun.

♪ ♪

- Hey, you guys, thanks
for your help tonight.

- Sure, Chef.
- Sure, Chef.

- See, it's not so bad
in the galley, right?

- She ain't saying a word.

- She's like,
"Eh, I'm staying outside."

- [chuckling] Yeah.
- No, I like both.

Wish I could go to bed.

But I'm on anchor watch.

- Are you?
- Yep.

- Okay.
- [grunts]

- Um, I think your boobs
are out.

- Get one for Instagram.
- Oh, my God.

- Oh, that's f---ing--
Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God.
They're using the lazy Susan

to have a topless girl--
- Just topless?

That seems conservative
for them.

- Ah!
- Do you have underwear on?

- Of course not.

- Wow, that is a lot of vagina.
- Oh, my God.

- Oh.
- You are the man.

- I spit all over myself.

- You literally sat and spin.

- Put it on Twitter.
- You should put it on Twatter.


- Hi, Dad.
How are you?

- I am good.
How are you?

- Good.

- What's the weather like

- Oh, my gosh, it's beautiful.

I've always been a daddy's girl.

Like, when I'm upset,

he's the first person I call.

I share everything with him.

You know, what you can share
with your dad.

- And did you call any of the
other ones that you love yet?

- You're my number one, Dad.

- [laughs]

- Are the people nice
you're working with?

- So far, it's hard

to, like, walk
onto a new boat, new crew.

I'm feeling really alone.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

My parents have been
going through an ugly divorce

for a couple years now,

and I came to Croatia
to escape that.

I love them both, but I don't
want to be caught in the middle.

Now, like, I'm replacing
my mom and dad

with, like, Bobby and Hannah.

- You have a lot of experience,
like, meeting new people,

so it shouldn't be
that much of a challenge.

- It's been a challenge,
but I can get through it.

Talking to my dad always helps.

I feel that I need
to focus on my job

and continue to do my job
the best I can.

- Time for me
to say good night.

- All right, I love you.

- Love you too, sweetheart.

[energetic music]

- Gorgeous night
to go to bed early.

- Perfect.
Good night, guys.

- Bye, everybody.

♪ ♪

- I thought we were gonna be
nice and comfortable up here.

Honey, I just have to say,

I've blown away by you.

I'm very much surprised as--

- To be honest, I've actually
surprised myself.

It's good to be, like,
out on the floor

and have people around
and, you know,

your mind's just,
like, distracted.

- Yeah.

- What my mom must be
dealing with knowing that

she's not gonna see her
drive up our driveway every day

or, you know, go and have
a coffee with her...

That's the hard part, is--

- You lost your brother?
- Mm.

- Mm.

I was really young
when my brother got sick,

and he passed away
very quickly.

When something
like that happens,

the innocence of your
childhood, I guess,

is taken away a little bit.

- Was he younger
or older than you?

- Wow.
- Yeah.

- Since then, I really feel like

I've been living every day
like it's my last.

So every opportunity I have,
I take it with both hands.

- Yeah, thank you.

- And for now, you have me.

- Thank you.


[beeping stops]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Good morning.
- Another day in paradise.

To be honest,
I am not feeling much better

than I was yesterday.

It's time to squeeze oranges.

♪ ♪

- Is it gonna be
one of those days today?

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, Malia,

you're not a morning person.
- No.

I was up until 3:00
in the morning.

I'm exhausted.

I'm so excited that we get

to pull up the anchors.

Charter guests
are getting off today.

And, boom. Easy.

- How are you this morning?

- Great. How are you?
- Very well, thank you.

- It's wonderful.

♪ ♪

- Good morning.

The table looks beautiful.
- Yeah?

women: Morning.
- Andrea's here.

- Last day.
- Yeah.

- This is so nice.

- All right, I pop this up.

- So you're on.
- Low speed.

- You can go high speed
for bringing it in.

- Okay.

- Okay, you can start
pulling up.

- Okay.
Pulling anchor up.

[heavy clattering]

- Looks like we spun around
last night.

[heavy clattering]

[metallic clanging]

[loud clang]
- What was that?

- You all right?
- It won't come in any more.

- Can you see the line?
- Mm-hmm.

- Is it tight?
- Yeah.

There's, like, a kink in it.
- Hey, um...

why did you guys stop pulling
the anchor up?

What's up?
- Captain,

it's no longer coming up.
There might be a kink

in the anchor chain.

- Or it's twisted
on the other one.

- Looks like port's
wrapped in itself,

so I think we need to go out
on the tender to set it off.

- How's this a way
to start a day?

- Hey, Maxie, can you get
the key for the tender?

- Where is it?
- Inside.

It's the long white one.

- We should start moving soon,
I would think.

She said it was about
2 1/2 hours to get back.

- All righty.
We're good to go.

- Oh, f--- off, anchors.

This sucks.

Like, of course
this happens to me.

First time pulling up
the anchor, like, of course.

- Oh, sh--.
Look at that, bro.

- Awesome. I hope
I don't get blamed for this one.

- Is it wrapped--
- It's all, like, up

and it's underneath the bow
all in one big group.

I've never seen this before.

This is really twisted.

I'm looking at myself now
and just thinking,

"I don't have
an actual solution to this."

- Holy sh--.

I've never seen this before.

This is really twisted.

I don't have
an actual solution to this.

- Holy sh--.
- I wish we had something decent

we could use to pull this with.
- Oh, my gosh.

I just checked the time.
It's so late.

both: Yeah.
- We haven't even left.

- Okay, so let's get a line
tied on to chain.

- The anchor chain
that's wrapped,

around the port anchor,
is that correct?

- Yeah, and we're gonna take

the tension off of it
with the windlass.

We're in big trouble right now

because there's still
guests on board,

and we need to get 'em
back to port ASAP.

I have 60 meters of chain times
two hanging in the water.

We can't drive the yacht
like this.

Someone wake Bobby up.

- Copy, Sandy.
I'll get him up.

[knock at door]

- This is a f---ing dump show.

- Ready?
She's gonna pull it in a little.

Go ahead.

Pull it up.

All right, that's good.

That's good.
That's good.

- Holy sh--.

- The anchor being tangled
is exactly like

a necklace that's tangled.

It's the same thing.
You work the chain

until it frees itself.

- [laughs]
- [murmurs indistinctly]

- I figured I'd come out here.
- Take a look.

- Max, can you turn
that small line there?

- What the hell?

- Good morning, Bobby.
- What is that rat's nest?

- Okay, now wrap that around,
and I'll tell you when to pull.

Go ahead.

- Okay, pulling up.

- Sandy, I wouldn't
put your head in there.

- No.
- Oop.

- Oh, you have some things
in here.

- Uh, what?
- Your bathing suit.

[upbeat music]


- [whispers]
What is going on?

- Anchor problems.
- Per usual.

We are still in the same spot.
- That's insane.

- Good thing we have all those
anchor watches.

- It's just annoying 'cause
it delays guest departure.


[indistinct chatter]
- Oh! Stop, stop.

- The poor guests, you know,

they're sort of sticking their
heads over, having a look,

and you're like,
"Oh, I don't want to say

"that we're absolutely
up Sh-- Creek,

but we're up Sh-- Creek

F---ing hell.

- You can loosen that line.

Just don't let it go.

- It's no joke
what they're working on.

They're all manually trying
to untangle the chains.

- Tighten up on your line,

- Oh.
Stop on the starboard.

- Let it go. Let it go.

- I can't hold an anchor
with my hands.

- No, the windlass.

[mechanical creaking]

- Coronas.

- Yay!

- Loosen the thinner line.

But keep the line in your hand.
- Whoa, watch out.

- Don't grab that
with your hand.

- Yeah.
Dude. All right.

I want Malia back.

- Okay, I'll just walk away

- Yeah. Yeah.
- [laughs]

- Got your head where there's
thousands of pounds of tension.

- No, there isn't.
You don't know what's going on.

Bobby's energy is not helpful.

I need assistance,
not resistance.

Can you get in the tender
with them?

'Cause I think maybe
your strength could help.

- Hey, you guys want
to pick me up over here?


- I got some fresh smoothies

Can I offer anyone--
- I'll have a smoothie.

- I think it's really important
for stewardesses

that we keep the drama
to ourselves as crew

and not let the guests
in on anything.

Anyone with a cold beverage
is gonna be distracted and happy

for a good couple of hours,
I would say.

- Okay, so you got this one
around the top,

which is back here,
which goes--

- If I pull up on that
with the line,

will it pull up the anchor?

- You want to pull the anchor
with this line?

- Yeah.
- That will not happen.

- We just need
to pull the chain.

- This has a strength
of maybe 1,000 pounds.

- Tie it on and give me
the line,

and then you can just stand back
if you're afraid.

- Afraid.
- However,

I've been doing this
for 27 years.

I said you can stand back
while I pull up on the chain.

Everyone's under
a lot of stress.

Just take a breath.

- You just gotta let her
talk through it.

- But she wants
to call me scared?

"Oh, if you're scared,
you can leave."

All right, the line's going up.

Stop there.
We got slack.

- We're gonna go upstairs.

I'm gonna try another
beautiful shot.

- What are you gonna wear?

- I'm totally naked.
- Okay.

- Yeah, it's so sad.

- Okay, stop.

Greasy... [indistinct]
going port side.

- So the chain that is
wrapped around the anchor,

I want to drop that first,
that's in the water.

We need to be able to pull
the bottom of that chain

from underneath the anchor.

- Let up a little bit.

That top one.

- The hard part is seeing

what is actually going on
under there.

- Where's his mask
and board shorts?

He has get in the water.

- If I do not get this undone,

we're gonna have
to cut the anchor,

and that's the last thing
you want to do on any boat,

because it's
your emergency stop;

it's your brake
in case something

does go wrong with the engine.

- Hey, everyone, I'm Kat Curtis
on a boat in Croatia,

and you're watching Naked News.

- Keep tensioning.

- Huh?

- Keep tensioning,
see what happens.

[chains creaking]

- All right, I'm gonna come.

Come get me, Bobby.
- All right.

- Hannah, Hannah.

Could you please
call a water taxi?

- Copy, Captain.
Will do.

- Hi there.
It's Hannah calling

from motor yacht "Sirocco."

Would it be possible
to get a taxi service out here?

Uh, like,
as soon as humanly possible?

They were supposed to be off
at 12:00.

- Wes.
Is there a place that looks

like that we could tie
a rope on?

- I am scared sh--less,

'cause the last person
I want to see hurt is Wes.

- These anchors weigh
a couple tons.

And by pulling or pushing
the wrong way,

they can unravel,
and you could potentially die.

- No, no, no.
Wes, Wes, Wes.

- But I'm so out of ideas,
I'm just trying to see

from a safe distance
what I can do.

- Okay.


Okay, that's good.

- Sh--.

All I had to do
was pop it over,

and now we just made it worse.

So that sucks.

- The wind's picking up.

Everyone's tired.
Everyone's hungry.

But I'm a problem solver.

I'm not a panicker.

If there's a situation,

my mind is working
how to solve the problem.

We just gotta keep
spinning that anchor.

- Oh, sh--.

- Hi, guys.
- Hi.

- Hello.
- Update?

- Yes.
So obviously we're having

a few issues with
the anchor chain.

So what I'm gonna do is,
I'm gonna get a tender

to come in
and take you guys back to Split

so then you can
enjoy your afternoon.

- What happened
with the anchor chain?

- I think we've been spinning
around a little bit.

- It's really tangled, huh?
- Yeah.

It's always really important,

when there is something wrong
on a yacht,

to let the guests know enough

that they're comfortable
with the situation,

but not to alarm them
or stress them out.

Because the last thing
we want to do

on their luxury holiday
is scare them.

- Thank you.
- Pleasure.

- All right.

So go ahead and pull up
on the blue line,

and then at the same time,

you're loosening
on the port anchor.

- Copy.

- Awesome.

[chains jingle]

Stop there.
Stop there.

That worked.

Whatever line you have up there,

I want you to tie
another line to it

in the middle somewhere

and attach it to the cleat.

- Sorry, boss.

Can you just go for that
again, please?

- I think they're having
a problem up there.

- Oh, I don't even know
what people were doing.

Someone tells me
to move this line

and attach that on there,
I'm like, "Yeah, okay."

I do that,
and everyone with a brain

was obviously
down in the tender.

I'm just there for sheer
muscle power, you know?

- So you're gonna pull up
on the blue line.

[silverware clatters]
- How are they doing?

- I've arranged a water taxi
to come pick them up.

- Perfect.
- Well, in the meantime,

they can enjoy these
lovely stuffed artichokes.

- Yay!

- We're going into
full distraction mode.

- They're coming.

- I'll put these here for you.

- There's a lot at stake here
with our tip.

We need to make sure
they're happy.

- Sh--.

- The lemon on top?
- Yeah, that's what makes it.

- Makes it.
- Yeah?

- This is like a real--
- Oh, that's good.

- It's real.
- This is, like,

plant-based paradise.
- Yeah.

- [laughs]

[engine revving]

- Uh, just so you know,
the water taxi has arrived

to take the guests
back to Split.

We just need some help
with the luggage.

- Okay, thank you.

All crew, all crew.
Let's get into our whites.

- I don't know if the
charter guests are pissed off because we haven't left yet.

And now I see that they're
taking a tender back home.

Is that gonna affect our tip?
I don't know.

[engine rumbling]

- And people think
yachting's easy.

- Wes, Wes, Hannah.

Just so you know,
all the luggage is loaded

and in the tender.

- Fantastic.
Thank you very much.

- All crew, all crew.

Can you come into the main salon
for guest departure?

All crew, into the main salon.

- Let's do this.

- Right now,
we need to go to plan B.

We've delayed the guests
long enough.

Let's get 'em off the boat
so they can catch their flights.

- Yeah.

It's just so hard
because it's so tight.

- Yeah.

[woman laughs]
- No!

- Guys, thank you so much.

- Thank you so much.
- Sad to leave.

- It was a pleasure
meeting you.

- Awesome time.
[all chattering indistinctly]

- Lovely to meet you.

- [indistinct speech]

- From the Mr. Skin team
out there,

I just want you to know
we had a skintastic time.

Not only was the service
five-star impeccable,

but then you show up
with those shirts,

which absolutely
blew our mind.

- Hey, guys.

[laughter and cheers]
- That's awesome.

Chef Adam, you made it
delicious for everyone...

- Thank you very much.
- And we appreciate that.

- Appreciate that.
- And you guys down at the end,

how you were able
to get the yacht

so that we could be
so close to the caves

was really above and beyond.

Last but not least,
we call you Badass Captain,

'cause we just--we're just
the biggest fans of you.

And a small token of my
appreciation for the crew.

Thank you so much
for everything.

- We could not get you ashore.

- I want you to know

no one complained about that,
so all good.

Bye, guys.
all: Bye!

- Safe travels.

- Mr. Skin's been
an absolute bundle of joy,

but all us guys
are still thinking

our tip went down
like a sh-- in the bath.

[engine revving]

- We'll deal with this later.

In the meantime,
whoever needs to eat,

grab a nibble,
and let's get back to it.

♪ ♪

- Go for it.

I don't even care at this point.

Just get us out of here.

I feel like we're on our own
Gilligan's Island,

except we're the island
that's floating around,

and we can't go anywhere.

- We don't have any guests on.
- Great idea.

- I'm seeing the silver lining
here, guys.

- Hi, troops.

Oh, everyone's leaving me
at the lunch table.

- I'll sit with you.
- Thanks, Bobby.

That's very kind.

Do you know?
- It's a full-on rat's nest

of chain on the anchor.
- How did that happen?

Like, you drug too much chain
into too shallow area.

- Yeah, right.
It just--

we spun around in circles
all night.

Pulling the anchors probably
together, however--

you know, whichever,
however it ended up.

It's just a mess.

- How do we get the pressure
off of them?

- Oh, okay, I see.

So you want me to undo this.


- You ready?

- Go, go, go.
- Go.

[chains clinking]

- Sh--. Hold it.
both: Stop!

- They may have to cut
the anchor chain,

and now that's weeks
without a job.


[chains clinking]

- Sh--. Stop!
- Stop!

- Hi, Mom.

I really want to come home.

No, I know.

I know it's the best thing
for me to stay.

I really want to make it
to my gran's funeral.

I just really want to be there
for my mom.

If you want me to come,
I will come.

But my gran raised me
to never be a quitter.

And I know that she would have
wanted me to have been here.

I love you, Mom.
I'll chat you later.

Okay, bye.

♪ ♪

Do you have
any more rubbish in here?

- No, I got it all out.

There's a pair of panties
over there, though,

if you want to toss those
in the rubbish.

- Oh, yeah, I've got
the rubbish bin here.

- Hey, I just want to say
I'm really sorry.

I know I'm, like, keeping down
the whole crew.

I'm trying my best.

And I know you're
going through a lot,

and I'm being kind of selfish
with all this.

You really can't compare
my situation

with what Bugs
is going through.

I need to pull it together
and move forward.

I'm trying my best
to keep it to myself,

but I am apparently
not doing a good job at it.

So I just wanted to say
I'm sorry.

I'm here for you, and I
appreciate you being here.

- I'm not even sure
what she's apologizing for.


- Is that all the way up?

- Yeah, we're--
we're holding there, Max.

- No way.

- Sh--.

- Now we've got our line stuck

in between the knots too,

making the knot even worse.

Yeah, it's really twisted.

And it goes underneath.

- What we're doing
isn't working.

- Sh--.
- Can you use that pry bar?

[chain jingles]

This is a nightmare.

- That chick wanted to do
a handstand off of here.

Can we jump in, Captain?

- I don't care if you jump
in the water.

- Really?
- I wish I could jump in.

- I'm getting out of here.

- What's it look like, Bobby?

- We're getting there.

- Girls, you want to
go for a swim?

- I'm coming.
- Hell, yeah.

♪ ♪

- Don't lose that top now, yeah?

- Oh, yeah.
- It's not bad.

Just make sure you pin drop,

- It doesn't take the whole crew

to figure out this anchor mess,

so while we're stranded,

we might as well have some fun.

- Three, two, one!

[both scream]

- [gasps]
- Whoo!

- Whoo!
- Sh--!

♪ ♪

- There you go.

Good God, Malia's hot.

Holy sh--.

Oh, you.
I forgot about you.

Butts are out.
Simple as that.

- It's getting there.
- This last bit

I don't think's gonna come, bro.

[speaks indistinctly]

[chain clinks, water splashes]

Just chip away at it.

- I like seeing that.

- [grunts]

Oh, this is so tight.

- It's illegal to pull
into a port without anchors.

If we have to cut the anchors,
it's gonna kill our season.

I'm not leaving
the frickin' anchors.

It's not happening.
- Oh, man.

Come on, this time.

[chains clinking]

- Huh?
- F---. Holy sh--.

[dramatic musical flourish]