Below Deck (2013–…): Season 9, Episode 6 - He Kissed A Boy and He Liked It - full transcript

Heather and the crew plan an 80s themed surprise party for the primary's 75th birthday but things go south when everything doesn't go as planned. Frustrated by the deck team's mistakes, Eddie is forced to put his first officer training on the backburner to babysit his crew. Jessica's unhappiness on the boat grows as Fraser and Heather's bond develops. The crew takes an interest in setting up Wes and Jessica romantically but Jake makes a bold move of his own on another crew member, leaving everyone shocked.

Tell us who you would like
to make out with at the table.

Whoa!

Yes!

Jess, jess, jess!

Woo!

I could show him a thing or two.

Co-primaries, jeremy morton
and ronnie weiss.

They would like
to invite me to dinner.

Ronnie will be celebrating
his 75th birthday

with an '80s dance
and fitness party.

Hello!



This is not the group that you
would think you'd see together.

Here's to the staff
of the my seanna.

Woo!

Jess is just, like,
moping around as if,

like, she's pure misery.

How was your night last night?

I'm old.
You're not old.

I'm feeling it, though.

It's cushions,
cushions, cushions.

*bleep*

the deck team needs more time
to get everything secured.

They had plenty of time.

They were standing up here for
15 minutes, pulling the anchor.

If eddie doesn't drop
the hammer on them,



I'm gonna drop it on him.

I'm just so ----ing frustrated
with getting yelled at.

That's ----ing bullsh--.

So, from now on,
whenever we get underway,

I want everything secured.

The wind here is just
too ----ing strong.

I'm sick of it all.

From now on, we do not
give captain lee

the go-ahead until
everything is secured,

meaning fenders,
cushions, everything.

I want things covered, I want
this never to happen again.

-Yes, copy.
-Okay.

-Great.
-Yeah, agreed.

I need the deck team
to step it up,

so that I can start focusing
on my job as first officer,

and my education
in the wheelhouse.

They need to get their
sh-- together.

I don't want another
----ing thing

falling off this boat, copy?

-Copy.
-Yes, copy.

Great.

The whole thing is just unreal.

Mm, best thing I've
ever ate in my life.

Oh.

Okay, let's do it.

Whew, chile.

I hate this pair of pants.

-Yeah.
-They are?

Are we going somewhere?

To do some fun
water sports later, yeah.

Very cool.

craft services.

This is heather from
motor yacht seanna.

We've got an '80s birthday
party, so I'm looking

to get some neon décor,
and some balloons,

the numbers seven and five.

Thank you so much, paige,
I appreciate it.

Oh, this ain't bad.

Watch how it gets folded out
as we unfold this thing,

because that's how
it's gonna go back.

Tonight is '80s night.

Oh, I'm gonna do
the vacuum cleaner.

Oh, are you holding the cord?

We'll go and do the jet-skis,

and we'll leave rayna
to pump this up.

Just hit it to
the end of the line.

Maybe we'll tie it on now,
in case it blows away.

Okie-dokie.

-Good morning.
-Morning.

Cheffy.
How you doing, sweetie?

-Good, how are you doing?
-I'm fine.

Tonight should be a blast,

'80s theme party
for ronnie's 75th birthday.

I know, you don't
have to dress up.

I mean, I did 'em once,
that was plenty.

Yeah.

That's when I met
mary anne, mid-'80s.

Changed my life.

That's what I was
doing in the '80s...

Changing my life and
trying to look cool,

but it didn't work out so well.

I gotta go downstairs and burn
stuff, so I will see you later.

All right, sweetie,
thank you so much.

-Have a wonderful day.
-Everything else going good?

Yeah, I think so.

How is my girl jess doing?

Her grandma had
to get a procedure done,

so it seemed like something at
home was weighing on her mind.

Her spirits
just always seem down.

With jessica, I can
notice the difference

from day one being
on the boat to right now.

I love doing laundry,
I really do.

I haven't heard someone
say that in years.

Oh *bleep* my life.

Yeah, definitely just
wanna lift her spirits.

I understand what jess has got
going on with her grandparents,

but at some point she kinda
needs to leave that stuff

in her cabin and show up to do
the job she's here to do.

I'll pop by once
we get more of an idea

of what the day looks like.

I'll be here.

-Just watch it from...
-I will.

...Where you swing it forward.

All right.

-Nice, good.
-Now I'm gonna luff up.

Okay, winching down.

Who wants to do water sports?

I do!

All right, I'm gonna
do the quesadilla,

and then after that
I'm gonna knock into

the chicken, beef, and then...

Cool, I'm gonna start
cutting jalapenos and limes.

Everybody wants a mexican lunch.

I spent a lot of time
in la paz, mexico and san diego.

Mexican is just
right up my alley...

Spices, fresh herbs.

Mexican food's great coming in,

but it's interesting
coming out.

Thank you for calling
motor yacht seanna.

This is satan speaking,
how may I direct your call?

All right,
you guys are all good.

-Whoa!
-Oh!

Have fun, man, go for it.

I know.

This is probably
the best day of his life.

Woo!

I'll give it a wipe-down.

Look at how bad that looks.

I hope I don't hold
anyone's hand any time soon.

My hands do as well.
Stunning, isn't it?

How are there not
suitors knocking at my door?

Are you missing your partner?

Our relationship has
always been based

around yachting as the priority.

Of course I miss him,

but it's something that
we're definitely used to.

Sure, I've discovered
that's what it is, babe.

I'm craving male attention.

Are you ready for that?

I wasn't for about
three years, but now I am.

My first relationship lasted
for about two and a half years,

and that was
the love of my life.

He was 10 years older than me,

and we were going through
very different stages

in our lives,
so it had to end.

It absolutely shattered me.

Consequently, I'm not prone
to opening myself up,

but I guess if I keep going
with this approach,

I'm going to shrivel up and be
single for the rest of my life.

So, I feel like
I'm ready to get back into it

and explore what's
out there.

You're ready to be swept
off your feet?

Yeah, I really am.

I'm ready to give
my all, you know?

Got the quesas ready to roll.

Ready when you are.

Come sit next to
your mommy, dreamboat.

Should I serve those
with a spoon?

Yes, please.

These are your taco trays.

I've got tortillas down
here at the end.

These are queso fundidos.

Stop it, girl!

We're just gonna keep
bringing everything up.

Did I hear something about
a lobster quesadilla?

They're coming.

Ronnie, it's your birthday.

How old are you,
tell me the truth.

Eighty-one.

-Oh, god.
-Wow.

-Please, I hope not.
-Alexander!

This chef, she is a freak
of nature, this woman.

If this girl wanted
to start a restaurant,

it would be a huge success.

This might be
the best lunch I ever had.

Mm!

These are not
jalapenos, are they?

*bleep* me, I have no idea
what that is.

These are rotten.

-Heather, heather, eddie.
-Go ahead.

We have a provision boat here.

Copy, I'm on my way.

Straight inside, yeah?

Oh, yeah.

This is very nice.

I'm so looking
forward to this '80s party.

Where was I in the '80s?

Man, I was in the womb.

Do I know much about it?
Hell, no.

Can I channel it?
Hell, yeah.

Please tell me
these are leggings.

Anything neon, a little skin.

Jane fonda, let's go.

Oh, god, these titties
would not fit in here.

At what point is captain lee
gonna say we're too naked?

Oh, my god, you did it again.

It's like, this is
the best meal ever.

Ever.

What time would you like
to have dinner this evening?

-7:30.
-Yes, fine.

-How you doing?
-Hungry.

Did you miss lunch?

Yeah, I didn't
really eat as much.

Oh.

Thank you.

All right.

I think wes and jess
should definitely hook up.

I think tomorrow
we should make them sit

on their own separate table
when we go have dinner.

Wes has definitely
got no game whatsoever.

Let's see where
I got all the snacks...

Yay.

But I'll try and help him out,

because if he
waits any longer,

he's gonna be going home
with his nuts full.

So I said to him,

"look, mate, I'm gonna make sure
you sit next to her at dinner."

nice.

They wait too long
for something to happen.

I don't think I've ever asked
you if you're single.

I sure am.
Sure, sure am.

Hm.

-Lobster quesadilla.
-Oh, my god, no way.

Oh, you just took a sh-- or you
actually dropped them off?

No, I took a massive sh--.

-Okay, good.
-Is that a real saying?

Yeah, you've never
heard that before?

No.

I've just got bowel problems.

He... You...

He sh-- on his girlfriend,
though, before.

No, I didn't sh-- on her.

-You...
-I was...

So, basically, I got out
the shower and I thought

it would be funny to start,
like, twerking on the bed.

So, I was naked on the bed,
and I thought it would be funny

to push out a ----ing
really loud fart.

Oh!

And a ----ing sh-- flew out
and flew through the air.

No ----ing way.

Yeah, and poo just went bewww
across the bedroom.

Oh, well sh-- happens.

Literally.

-Oh!
-Oh!

-Whoa!
-Oh, my god!

Jesus!

-Through the lines!
-Goddamn it!

Oh, well sh-- happens.

Literally.

Whoa!

Oh!

-Jesus!
-Oh, my god!

Whoa!

What the *bleep*?

-I need someone with me!
-I'm coming!

-What happened?
-The trampoline blew away.

Oh sh-- that's so cool,
somebody get a video of that.

It was cool, though.

It was cool.

-It snapped?
-Yes, it snapped.

This was on the trampoline.

"baywatch" in action,
you got the hasselhoff.

Who's the hoff?
I'm the hoff.

Or the rock...
A skinnier version of the rock.

The pebble.
They call me pebble.

That thing launched
with violence.

Yeah...

Jesus, that was so bad.

-Eddie.
-Yes, sir?

Get a pump on it
and suck it out.

Copy that.

Hey, we're lucky there was
no one on that thing.

In 35 years, I've
never seen wind with such

intensity for an extended
period of time like it is.

Mother nature giving
your ass a wake-up call.

Won't make that mistake again.

Chef rachel, you have a visitor.

-Hello, sweetheart.
-Everybody loves the food.

Oh, thank you!

Everybody says it's the
best food they've ever had.

For dinner tonight,
they're gonna be having oysters,

shrimp, escargot, and all
of that crazy adult stuff.

Do you wanna do your favorite
chicken fingers again?

Yes!

Okay, we got it.

It's kinda similar.

Boom.

Sam, can I get you
a drink, please?

I'll do, like, a shirley temple.

One shirley temple, coming up.

-Yeah, yeah.
-Pull the first one up.

-Yeah.

-okay, I'll see you at 5:30.
-Okay.

Good lord.

-Mom?
-What?

Dad in there, too.

You look like the joker, ronnie.

What? What...
What?

Perfect timing.

-Here you go, sir.
-Thank you.

My pleasure.

You're in my department,
I just can't...

I mean, don't take it...
Listen...

I put that...
I put that... I...

I put that aside as
soon as we got on.

That's not happening, though.

No, you're...

So it was not supposed
to be included in that.

That's real shot.

You're definitely
gonna wear this.

Excellent.

I have leggings for you.

I'm wearing leggings now?
Wow.

But your t-shirt should be long
enough

just to cover
your tiddly-niddlies.

-Okay.
-Yeah, baby.

I'm gonna jump in the shower.

Oy, I don't wanna
leave tomorrow.

Great crew, captain's hot.

For tonight's '80s theme, that
is definitely '80s steakhouse.

Bone-in ribeye, lobster.

Not today, satan.

King crab, snow crab,
ronnie's birthday cake,

and some camel-toe
with the sweatpants.

What the *bleep*?

I love the ----ing '80s.

Oh *bleep*, eat my *bleep*.

Attention all crew, make sure
you're in your blacks by 6:00.

Heh... "copy."

jesus.

Keep trying.

Or find something else to wear,
I'm okay with that option too.

Peg your collar.

I kinda left my room in a hurry.

Oh, is it time
to get into blacks?

Yeah.

How is that...
How does it...

-It goes up my ass.
-Jake, wow.

He looks
like a figure-skater.

Can you grab another
barbeque sauce out of the...

Or an exotic dancer.

You don't need to be
dressed till 9:00.

You know, he's just
so effortlessly chic.

Rayna, you want us to help
you pick something out?

Nope, I got it, thank you.

Engineering,
engineering, galley.

Just to let you guys know,
I will be doing

a white pan method,
so it'll create a lot of smoke

in the galley within
two minutes.

rayna, did you choose something?

No, I have not.

I will, in due time.

I'm just trying to see if
you're excited, that's all.

Just wanna make sure
you've got something.

No, I...
I got you, I'll have something.

I love those glasses.

Beautiful.

Yeah.

Yeah, I am...

19 years older than you.
How old are you?

That's...
That's a good one.

Seventy-five!

Toddy, zip it up.

-One last blow.
-Oh, yeah.

Get that five!

Do you wanna see if the
deck crew can get that?

Deck crew, deck crew, interior.

We just had
a number five take off.

Okay...
Jess, can you call deck crew?

I already did, love.

Just be careful, boo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, so deck crew
for this, I mean, not for the...

I did not see that.

Deck crew, deck crew,
we also have some glass.

What happened?

We won't be able to get
that balloon back.

-No.
-Cool.

Eddie, if we could use
one of your helps

just to put the plates
on the table at 8:00?

Oh, copy that.

You could get started
in the queen room.

Eddie and the team
are right here.

We're gonna help you get
things on these big plates.

-Is there food at the table?
-No.

We're just sitting.

I mean, it's just
about 8:00, so.

We're just excited to sit.

If you've got deck crew helping,
can I finish that quickly?

-Yeah.
-Let me know if you need me.

And then we're gonna
go ahead and pour

the melted butter
into the containers.

Cheers, thank you.

That's awesome, thank you, guys.

Stay right here, I'm gonna
put the tongs on it.

Ooh, ooh, go slow.

I just wanna know where they
got the '90s theme from.

'80s.

They must have just
saw a picture of you.

-Dear, what is that?
-Whoagee, wow!

-Jesus christ.
-Whoagee to the next level!

Oh, my whoagee.

We're placing it all in
the middle so you can get

a great photo, and then we're
gonna take it around the table,

family-style, so we'll
offer you everything.

Look at that!

So we're gonna just keep--

you really got it going on.

-Good evening.
-Good evening!

Tender is the lobster.

Happy birthday, sir.

Thank you, lee!

-Captain.
-Captain lee!

No, he didn't.

He's so busy
with this lobster.

It's his birthday,
he's allowed to do

whatever the hell
he feels like doing

-you better believe it.
-That's right.

I like that sentiment.

Potatoes are ready to go.

Could I offer you
a fresh dinner roll?

-Wow.
-Potatoes.

I'm gonna grab some
serving utensils.

Wow.

It's heather's job to know
where her tongs are at, period.

As a deckhand, I'm helping you.

I work outside, boo.

Fraser, fraser, heather.

Could I get you to come up
and assist with service?

Copy that, coming now.

Oh, I smell the truffle.

Somebody take a picture of
this gorgeous mushroom.

This is one gorgeous
mushroom, right here.

I've got these tongs.

Like, there's no point
to set it on the table

if we can't serve it.

Just leave it on the bar,
leave it on the bar.

What, do you want me to just
grab it with my bare hands?

This just isn't
what five-star service is,

and I shouldn't have
to explain that.

Oh, my god, is that
a cowboy steak?

Coming up...

So, I just wanna stage
you right here.

I guess this is what being
a first officer is all about.

I'm wearing leggings
and a tank top

that belongs
to an 11-year-old girl.

Happy birthday!

I've got these tongs.

Yeahe,
we have only one...

There's no point to set it on
the table if we can't serve it.

Just leave it on the bar,
leave it on the bar.

I hate the way
that this is going.

I'm just not thrilled
that nobody

had the initiative
to come up with a solution.

Jess, could I get you to come
up and water the table, please?

Copy.

If I say bring service ware up,
they'll say there is none.

Go find some.

Here is your bone-in ribeye,

marinated with a
little bit of cognac,

a peppercorn rub, along
with a maldon salt.

-It's amazing.
-Can I get a picture of that?

Oh, yeah, I'll get one for us.

It's seriously the sickest
thing you ever saw.

Would you like a piece of steak?

It's your birthday!

I just almost choked to death,

and you just were going
about your lobster.

It was just a cluster*bleep*.

Oh, my god,
that's like fred flintstone.

-Oh, my god. Go!
-That's right, eat it.

-Get into it!
-He's a caveman.

Does that just look like
the worst service on my part

in front of captain lee
and everyone else?

There's nothing like
the meat off the bone.

It's the best meal.

I agree with you.

Everyone's got food,
that's all that matters.

We need to rent the boat
for, like, a month.

-Rent what boat?
-This one.

Oh.

All crew, if you guys
wanna get into your '80s attire

so we can sing
"happy birthday."

ooh, '80s attire!

Obviously.

I'm probably done.
I had two and a half pieces.

-Done, done?
-Yeah.

Rachel, rachel, heather,
I'm clearing the table.

What, the pants underneath?

it's in there, isn't it?

Can someone confirm
with me that rachel

knows I am clearing the table?

Who's got the budweisers?

Exactly!

Someone on the radio,
anyone on the radio?

Oh, you look
like freddie mercury.

I think you look good.

Oh, we all look so cool.

Did somebody come
communicate with you?

-No, why?
-No one?

No.

Oh, my ----ing god,
I've called three times,

can someone confirm
that rachel knows

I've been clearing the table.

Don't come up,
I don't want them to see anyone

until we have the cake.

Right.
Do we just...

Do you want us to help
with...

No, she doesn't want
anybody to come up there.

So, why are we
being summoned, then?

-I have no idea.
-What's...

What's she ----ing
asking about, then?

I'm gonna take 'em
into the ring,

and I'm gonna break 'em
over my knee!

Oh, yeah, brother!

You wanna change, and then
we can stand by on this?

Yeah.

Guys, can we line up
in the hallway?

All right, let's do it.

All right, two seconds.

-How old are you?
-I'm 25.

He's just short.

Happy birthday, happy ----ing
birthday, happy birthday

oh, my god, that's awesome.

Easy does it, there are kids
in the house.

My dad had a great voice,
he was...

-Wow, well, so do you.
-Yeah.

♪ happy birthday to you ♪

♪ happy birthday to you ♪

woo!

It's your birthday, hey!

Woo-hoo!

I guess this is what being
a first officer is all about.

One, two, three...

Yeah!

I'm wearing leggings
and a tank top

that belongs to
a 11-year-old girl.

What a luxurious
promotion this is.

That was amazing.

I mean, you can't get
better than that.

Can I just tell you this...
Best carrot cake of my life.

Wow, chef rachel, amazing.

Chef rachel.

I had so many bests
on this trip.

This is my best wig
I've ever had.

-It is looking pretty good.
-It is.

Rayna, are you done?

A quarter to 6:00, you just
help with the gym stuff.

Yeah.

Well, thank you guys for dinner.

-Oh, my god, thank you!
-Thank you for joining us.

Charter three
dinner service is done.

Yes!

Ugh!

Good night.

I think I'll go to bed.

Jess, go down for the night.

Yes, ma'am.

You'll be on the floor
by 6:00 a.M.

Oh, my god.

----Ing hell.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, no, I hear you.

So grateful for the deck
team's help, but it was like,

don't bring me food...

When is she gonna
find out when she's the one

who ----ed everything up?

Is this a normal habit
for your ass?

You did kind of snap on me for
something that's your job,

do you get what I'm saying?

-Oh.
-I'm done.

I've got my whole baked potato
bakin' in these bad boys.

Go let some steam outta
that thing

or you're gonna make some mash.

sorry I've been short,
it's just been crazy.

No, I get it.

Yeah.

I really wanna get to the bottom
of this issue with jess.

This isn't a test.

Either you wanna be here,
or you don't.

Now it's affecting
my whole team,

because it's adding
more to your plate,

which then adds
more to my plate.

If you have one bad apple,

it's only a matter of time
till it rots the whole tree.

Coming up...

Jake coming on a little strong.

The 'stache looks prettier
and prettier every day.

Fluff your hair.

-Hello.
-It's laying too flat.

oh, my ----ing neck.

Ruh-roh.

Oh, I miss you.

Ugh, I don't wanna go
to work today.

Yachting and relationships
are like oil and water.

How can you be in a
relationship with someone

if you're never there?

But I like to feel
the feeling of knowing that,

like, someone genuinely
wants to talk to you.

I shouldn't be tired like
this, but I don't know.

Honestly...

I'm not trying to
rush into anything right now,

but I still reach
out for that,

like, attention, if
that makes sense, yeah.

I can't believe I just
----ing admitted that.

All right, papi.

Yeah, papi, I'll text you.

Bye.

Are you hurting today?

Oh, my god, everything hurts.

I am the body ache.

Google image that sh--.
My face will come up.

Body aches, see "rachel."

bitter and jaded, see "rachel."

impatient, grumpy, and
short, see "eddie."

oh, don't talk to me, nobody,
till I have my coffee!

I got the plate right
behind you.

Come on, buddy,
come sit next to me.

She does everything so cute.

Fresh, warm, whole blueberries.

We've got a lobster benedict
with hollandaise.

-Wow.
-And french toast.

You want lobster
for breakfast?

Scrambled egg whites, that's it.

I mean, I heard her french toast
is out of this world.

I think I'm gonna have to
go with that lobster thing.

I think that's a great idea.

I'm sore.

I need to, like, be in bed for
two days and get a massage.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

What's the longest massage
you can have?

-For me?
-Yeah.

-I can do an hour and a half.
-I'll give you a massage.

I will...

Oh, just show jodi a little
bit of your technique.

Just a little bit.

-Oh, wow.
-Oh, yeah.

We'll be hauling anchor
pretty soon.

Everything should be secured.

-Yeah.
-Understand?

I'm gonna go and check
the bridge deck aft.

Coming into this docking
does make me, obviously,

a little nervous, going through
the same channel

that last time was
a complete failure.

Go ahead and drop fenders.

Oh, man, we lost the cover.

Fender cover's lost.

Jesus christ.

As first officer, I wanna
spend as much time on the bridge

as possible, so I am
looking for jake

to take the responsibility
of the deck.

Too old for this sh--.

Doctor says I need a backiotomy.

Wes and rayna, will you guys
make sure

those fenders get up...

Don't freaking salute me,
there's snipers in those hills.

They love pickin' off officers.

You have three french toast
orders and one lobster benedict.

And one order of
scrambled egg whites.

Scrambled egg whites...

That is the bane
of my existence.

When you go to, like,
make them, they just weep.

Just this, like, soppy,
wet, liquidy, nasty funk.

----Ing scrambled egg whites.

And then I'm almost done
with the french toast.

Okay, I'll be back.
Thank you, chef.

Wait, where are you going?

You have to be this way.

Oh, we're...
Over that side?

I have to finish blowing it.

Oh!

-Egg whites for you, sir.
-Look at that.

Thank you, thank you.

Coming in with the french toast.

Wow, that looks so good.

How does she just do this?

-Bacon, samuel?
-French toast for you, sir.

Wow.

Oh, god.

I don't know that I've ever
tasted anything like this.

Oh, my gosh.

I mean, are you kidding me?

-Good?
-Mm!

All right, let's pull the hook.

Copy that.
Anchor off the bottom.

-Rachel!
-Hello, sir.

Oh, my goodness,
best three days of food

I think we've all ever had.

Thank you.

Copy that.

It's just magic.

You're really tripping.

Did we strip all the beds,
or just the ones down...

Mm!

On a scale from one to
10, jess is at, like,

8.2 clueless vibe.

They say work smarter,
not harder,

but it seems as though
jess is doing neither.

Deck team, deck team, go ahead
and ready fenders for docking.

Prepare fenders.

So, like, throw them over now?

Wind, 18 knots...
That's very doable.

It's gonna go perfect, right?

-Perfect.
-Perfect.

I've had enough of
getting yelled at

for deck team's mistakes.

I'm tired.
I'm exhausted.

I'm gonna have me and
rayna forward.

-Wes here.
-Okay.

Moving to the wing station.

Starboard quarter,
we're about 100 feet off.

Let's come up a little bit...
Right there.

Right there.
Got it.

You've got 35 feet
on the port side.

Line's going across.

First line's across.

Mm...
How's that look?

Stern lines locked in,
stern lines locked in.

Copy that.

Well done, everybody,
thank you.

Easy, didn't even
break a sweat.

Pretty work, I like it.

Yeah, good job.

Hi, honey, I'm home.

Welcome home, sweetie.

Coming up...

Jake, jake!

He's my boss,
the naked one is my boss.

Are you gonna crawl?

Get on all fours and,
like, cat-crawl to it.

Oh, my god.

Attention, all crew, I need
everybody in their whites asap.

No makeup, not okay.

I'm the worst packer ever.

I need everybody
on the aft deck now.

Deck team copies, on our way.

Copy for interior.

I don't wanna say goodbye!

Oh!

Gimme a big hug.

My pleasure, thank you.

Thank you so much.

How you doing, sailor?

We had a great time,
you guys are awesome.

Food was spectacular.
We'll miss you.

Here.

The kid has a case
handcuffed to his wrist.

Oh, god.

Thank you.

-Oh!
-Thank you!

-Thank you so much.
-Thanks, buddy.

-Yeah.
-We're gonna miss you!

Yes.

Okay, you know the drill.

Let's get this trash outta here.

Yes!

I need this sh-- to be over
with, because I need a beer.

This is my uniform.
This is compulsory.

Eddie gave me two.

I'm actually at a loss
for words right now.

Attention all crew, I need to
have everybody in the crew mess.

All right, let's go.

Money dance, money dance.

Okay, mr. Wide-leg, get those
things closer, scoot in!

-Who's on the radio?
-I am.

great charter.

I think it went very, very well.

It was nice to see
you come outta your shell

a little bit with your
wig and everything.

Oh, my god.

Once I get
my colorful hair back,

you know, the me comes alive.

Is that it?

Go, jess.

The docking today...
Flawless.

Almost like we knew
what we were doing.

-Almost.
-Perfect.

Okay, we'll get to the
important part here.

-Ooh.
-Oh!

-Wow!
-That's a lotta money!

Twenty-five large.

-Whoa!
-Yeah!

Big tip.
Big... Big, big tip.

Well done, team.

Have a good time tonight,
you guys definitely earned it.

Go out, have some fun, and we'll
get after it again tomorrow.

-Bye, captain.
-Thanks, captain lee!

-See you later, guys.
-You're welcome.

I like to roll around
in it sometimes.

Make it rain!

Oh, it's thick, like it?

Ooh!

Nice tip, eh?

Pick it up like you got
some bills to pay!

I love money!

I'm in a good mood now.

Yeah, that was a good pob...
Nice pat on the back.

Is that what we've
gotta do, nothing?

Do nothing, don't smile,

and then get a mention,
get a gold star.

Yeah, whoever said you need
to screw your way to the top?

Just do ----ing nothing.

So, wes, you gonna sit
with jess tonight, eh?

Yeah, probably.

The way I see every
single crew member,

that's probably the only seat
that's gonna be available.

It's a bit like junior high.

Oh, what are you gonna do?
Are you gonna make the moves?

Would I have done
that on my own time

before you guys poked
and prodded about it?

Yeah, I would have.

Now it's ----ing weird, man.

Hey, guys, wrap it up,
we're knocking off.

-Did you hear the news?
-Wrap it up, we're knocking off.

-Wrap it up, we're knocking off.
-What?

Shower, beer.

Here we are.

Oh, perfect.

I wanna be part of
the linen gang.

Big boy arms, eh?

Oh *bleep* off.

You know who you remind
me of right now?

Lois lane.

Where's my superman?

Ooh, snacks.

To the car, to the car,
darling.

You look gorg.

-Woo!
-That was epic.

Hell, yeah.

Wow, look at this.

No way!

I love this!

Let's get to business.

Can I please do
the pumpkin chana?

I'm gonna have this bad girl,
the petit filet mignon.

Six-ounce filet?

I will just start
with a caesar.

If my eyebrows
and my lashes went up,

I would fly out tonight.

All right, cheers to everyone.

Great crew and awesome *bleep*.

Great crew, everybody.

cheers, everybody, cheers.

How are you?

Hello.

This is my third.

-Your third?
-Third.

Jake's coming
on a little strong,

and if I didn't
have a boyfriend,

he would stand a chance.

But at the same time,

the 'stache looks prettier
and prettier every day.

Fluff your hair.
It's laying too flat.

Oh, man, I'm done
with the table now.

Oh, do you know what I mean?

I know you're used to
that posh table .

Oh, shut up, jake.

Actually, I'm gonna
take one, too.

Are they all in the bathroom?

No, they're smokin' a stogie.

Ooh!

I'm sorry, did you like
that coconut?

Ooh!

Jess does give me butterflies.

She reminds me of somebody
that I had a big crush on.

Thought it was going someplace.

She totally broke my heart.

So, I stopped taking chances,
played it safe.

I do this for a little while,
I take off, I don't work.

If you could do it
like the old people,

u?

Got two 85-year-olds at home.

I live that retired life.

Excuse me, sir, can we
order some shots, please?

jake is very attractive, and
I might have a little crush.

Honestly, these abs.

He is a full-blown man whore,
but that doesn't affect me.

He's straight and I'm gay.

I'm not...
I'm not stupid.

Oh!

What the *bleep*
happened to your pants?

-Put your goddamn pants on!
-Oh, my god!

Just don't put the front down.

No, put the front down,
*bleep* it.

Don't listen to her, you don't
wanna embarrass yourself.

Hey, come here!

I wanna see what it
looks like, at least.

He's my boss,
the naked one is my boss.

coming up...

-Hey, bitches...
-Yeah!

Oh, my god, am I gonna
see some ----ing?

This is great!

Yes!

There's a naked one.

I can't.

-This guy.
-Don't do that, you sherlock!

-Why do that?
-Oh, my god.

Where is he going?

I can't see your penis from
here, your legs are too white.

Why don't you just give
the hands to the sky?

Don't do this!

He's my boss,
the naked one is my boss.

This is, like,
my impression of jake.

Yeah, woohoo!

Oh, they're idiots.

Winkie to wink?

All right.

-Oh, you want a towel?
-Sure.

Oh, no, you gotta
walk to yours.

Are you gonna crawl?

Does that not hurt?
You gotta work for it.

Oh, what a... Oh, jake's ----ing
*bleep* is floppin'.

What?

Oh, my god.

All right, come on,
let's do this.

What are we doing
after this, you guys?

Going back to the yacht.

Guys, we're moving.

Let's get outta here.

Thank you, guys.

How's your night going?

It's going good.

All right, I wanna be
with rayna.

-Here.
-Get in, get in with him.

Be ready for it.

So, everybody got retina burn
from jake's ass, right?

I still can't over the fact
that I saw his

flaccid penis flopping about.

All right, truth or dare.

Oh, god, here we go again.

Dare you guys to kiss,
because I wanna see it.

Tongue kiss.

Yeah!

Yes.

I just can't wait until
my hands don't feel like...

So tired.

I'm, like, getting,
like, early arthritis.

That's a great thing.

Hey, bitches...

Oh, my god, am I gonna
see some ----ing?

This is great!

Maybe I should start
watching gay men porn.

I did not say that out loud,
mom and dad.

That was some bitch behind me.

Five for the dismount, five.

This is amazing.

Did you see the full moon?

-No!
-Yes!

I don't think anything
fazes jake at this point.

Jake's gonna be
the village bicycle.

I think everybody's
gonna get a ride

with his handlebar moustache.

Quickly!

Oh *bleep* off... Go!

Wesley !

You're going
to smoke a cigar?

-Whoa!
-Sh--.

Oh, *bleep*!

That's all right.

-I'm good.
-That's your hair.

We're good.

Something's burning.

Hey, where do you
wanna smoke a cigar?

There's burnt hair.

You smell that, right?

Why do I smell, like, hair?

Burning hair?

-Yeah.
-That's me.

Burning hair.

Okay. That's one way.

Ooh, don't go underwater.

Rayna, are you
just sitting here...

-Rayna.
-Like, eating...

Shut up.

No, I'm good, girl.

Oh...

What?

It just depresses me.

Yeah.

-Tattoo.
-None.

-None?
-None.

-Seriously?
-Yeah, no tattoos.

What's gonna happen
with wes and jess?

I was just gonna say,
I'm really glad

she kinda came out of
her shell tonight.

Really pushing it.

-She did, a little bit.
-Trying to keep the team intact.

Because, like, she's so...

But captain lee's comment
today at the table...

-Loves her.
-It's taking down fraser.

He hasn't gotten one word
of praise from the man,

and he said, "I'm just
gonna start kicking around

"with a piss-poor attitude
and do nothing,

and hopefully I'll finally get
the praise I'm looking for."

I'm like, well,
that's not what I need.

Are you out?

-Hey, hey, hey!
-Ciao.

Night!

-Hello.
-Hi.

-Good night, y'all.
-Night, eddie.

We love you.

I know!

Oh!

----Ed.

ah, I don't wanna get up!

Oh, good grief.

How you feel?

Tired and hung over.

We can make some.

Look how fresh jess looks.

So fresh.

Okay.

I feel like you
haven't hit hangover yet,

you're still drunk.

How do you guys feel?

You guys remember the pool bar?

No!

I gotta go.
I ain't about to be late.

I'm gonna at least
act like I'm working.

-Morning, eddie.
-Good morning.

Good morning, ed.

Ah, you mother----er.

Oh, boy, that hurt.

How you doing?

Jesus christ, why did
I get so drunk?

Your zipper's down.

Do you remember
making out with fraser?

No, I don't, actually.

No? You did do that.

-Did I?
-Yeah.

Mother----er.

-Hello.
-You smell nice.

Mm, thank you, so do you.

I smell like alcohol
and cigarettes.

I love the pictures of
you two I got last night.

Yes!

What?

Did you not know that?

No!

Like, multiple times.

I am mortified.

Oh *bleep*!

Jake is straight,
and now he possibly thinks

that I'm into him,
which is awful,

and potentially very
uncomfortable for him.

*bleep* me, I've put
my best friend relationship

on the boat at risk.

On the inside, I'm crumbling.

*bleep*

next, on "below deck"...

Gonna put a little
pressure on jess.

Okay.

And I'd love to
put her on service

-and you on laundry.
-Okay.

Where's she at?

What can I help you
with today, sir?

-Uh-oh.
-Am I allowed to do this?

It's your vacation.

This is embarrassing.

All eyes on you right now,
and training day is ov

-hello!
-How are you?

-Michael.
-Michael, my pleasure.

The primary's recovering
from breast cancer.

Right.

So, I guess they're
celebrating boobs.

I was gonna do, like,
a vanilla cake with coconut,

with, like, cherry nipples.

Cherry boobs?

These conversations go south
so ----ing quick.

Hey, wes, you need
to attach it to your stern

so you get more ----ing pull.

What are you doing, wes?

-Wes!
-Hey, wes, wes...

Is the whole thing
in the water again?

Shut up for a second!

No sh--.

I'm gonna rip someone's
----ing head off.

That's my job.