Being Human (2011–2014): Season 4, Episode 7 - Gallows Humor - full transcript

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Previously on Being Human...

You dragged me through my death spot.
That means I get out through yours.

- No!
- May God strike you dead!

Donna's death spot was in a shopmart?

That's my brother, Robbie.

I'm selling the place.

I'm gonna be trying to fix
up the house, best I can.

Josh's wolf thought it would
be ok to sleep with my wife!

The wolf is winning!

I cannot change every vampire,
but I'd feel a hell of a lot better

if I knew some of them
didn't have to kill humans.



Then why don't you let
me be your test case?

If you slip, I will be ruthless.

I need your help.

- Hey! How you doing?
- I know, I shouldn't have called.

I got no business taking
handouts from you, Kenny.

One tiny slipup doesn't
invalidate an entire way of life.

Really? You got nothing to say about this?

It's no judgment. Remember? I meant that.

Besides, I mean, it's one dead girl.

You'll be back in the horse tomorrow.

Oh, hey! Come on.

Why don't you come back to the office?

All this blood in you, live blood,

it's gonna be a shock to the system.



I can tell already.

My fridge stash is intact.
It'll ease you down.

I can't handle myself. Look, just...

Just make sure you take care of her.

Come on, Aidan.

Guys, what's going on down here?

Oh my God!

Robbie!

Oh, no!

Any particular reason these two can see me?

- We're werewolves.
- Yeah, I'll explain that one later.

How the hell did this happen?

I don't know. I don't know.
I was stuck in the past.

Hey, man, I'm... I'm... I'm really sorry.

It's just that we need to figure
out what to do with his, uh...

You wanna get rid of my body?

Are we sure that I'm even dead?

What if this is a tunnel
of light situation,

and I just haven't turned
around to get back yet.

I mean, I'm right here!

Is it... is this really happening?

Isn't... Can't we...

- What happened to you?
- I died.

Danny killed me.

But I... I... I saw you
before I went to Florida.

We... we touched!

It turns out that there is an afterlife.

And there are pros and there are cons.

And when you saw me...

I was back.

What, we... We can do that?

Oh, no!

Wait, we can do that and
you won't do it for me?

You... you don't want her to. Trust me.

Well, I don't wanna be dead either!

The situation with Donna was different...

Sally! Whoa! Are we even discussing this?

I'm just saying that there's gotta be
a different way, like, a better way!

To do what, exactly?

To bring my brother back...

From the dead.

So, what? You can actually do this?

Yeah, I think so. I... I
have this, like, witch thing.

Oh. So there are ghosts and witches.

Can we just pump the brakes on
the whole resurrection situation

until Aidan gets home, Sally, please?

I vote no, actually.

Robbie, I'm sorry, man. There's just...

There's certain elements
of raising a corpse

that only the inhabitants of
this household can attest to.

Oh, come on! That was one time!

- Significant time!
- One very specific case.

This is my brother!

I'd never do to him what was done to me.

I'm sorry, I'm just running through
spells and I'm about to land on something.

Yeah, I'm gonna call Aidan, maybe the
vampires can arrange clean up or something.

- The vampires?
- Are you kid...

C'mon, nobody's touching that body!

Look, I know this is a lot. And just...

This didn't work out for you.

No.

So, why do you think it'll work for me?

Because it has to!

Did you just, uh, call me?

Yeah! Yeah...

Hey! Hello, hi.

Oh, no! How?

Well, he was working down in the basement.

Looks like it was just a
good, old-fashioned accident.

Sally, I'm sorry.

Yeah, it sucks for me too.

Where were you?

Out.

Just needed to grab something to drink.

Drink?

What, like... Like, blood?

Yeah, something like that.

I think I might have an extra
bag in the fridge downstairs.

He meant blood, didn't he?

I'm sorry, are you mourning privately?

Oh, Sally!

I... I'm so sorry. I...

Ok, ok.

Look, um, I know how you feel about
magic and using it as a quick fix.

Yeah, I guess I already know that you're
gonna do whatever it takes to save him.

Yeah. Yeah, I am.

Look, your, um, power, it's
part of who you are now.

It's like me and Josh, we've all used parts
of our nature for good, but not always.

Well, most of the time.

Yeah, but he's your brother.

The way that you love him,
you just want him to be ok...

That is...

Undeniably good.

Ok... I'm really glad you feel that way,

because there's no spell
to save Robbie in the book.

- Then... then...
- I need her...

In the flesh.

I need to summon Donna.

You don't think it's a
good idea, bringing me back?

I don't think what I think matters. I think
it's between you and your sister, honestly.

I've got it. Thanks.

Hey. I have to go.

What? Where?

I have to go find Donna, the
witch who gave me this power.

I need to find her to get you back.

Ok, I'll come with you.

No. It's really intense what I have to do.

It's more intense than the fact that

your sister lives with wolves
and a guy who eats guys.

Ok.

Do you guys mind staying
with him while I'm gone?

He likes home-improvement shows
and movies about getting stoned.

- Actually, I have an appointment.
- Ok. Thanks for coming through.

- No, we'll be with him.
- Really?

- Yeah, of course we will.
- Thanks.

Go.

Ok, if his door comes,
don't let him take it.

Oh, come on!

- Door?
- Yeah. Just don't worry about it.

Wait! Sally! Don't...
Don't walk out on me again.

I'm not... I'm not leaving.

Ok, I promise I'm coming back.

I promise.

Could... could I do that?

Sorry about that. Sudden,
urgent need for extremities.

Thank you. Carry on.

Devil! Yet another devil, come to curse us!

All right, yep!

Heard you the first time, and I
gotta say, it's getting old, lady!

Getting old.

- Kill the devil woman!
- Witch!

- No!
- Do not look on the devil!

I got you.

No, stop! Stop, please let me be!

- No, Donna...
- Please!

I'm not letting you go.
This is too important!

No!

- Hey.
- Hey!

I missed you.

Hmm.

Did you miss me?

Well, it's only been one night. That's
hardly unmanageable after 200 years.

Hey, listen, um...

I'm gonna need a little something.

It's been so long since I've fed and I
don't have control, not like you, not yet.

It takes time.

Yes, well, I don't have time, so if I
could get something, like, now, please.

It took me years, years, to wean myself.

Of course, I was feeding live.

Thank you.

How long have you been living here?

In the house!

'Cause, you know, that's an illegal sublet.

Excuse me, I just, um... I just...

I have to, uh, go into the kitchen now.

Hey.

He-he's terrified.

You know, I get it.

When we first met Sally, she
wasn't exactly Sally yet, you know?

Stuck in the house, didn't
remember how she died,

and that was a year after it had happened.

It's not his fault. I'm just... I'm...

I'm feeling a little out of my league

with the whole ghost counseling.

I mean, how am I supposed
to look him in the eyes

and tell him everything in this
world of ours is just grand?

Especially today.

I was up all night thinking
about what you said.

And you're absolutely right.

I'm not the same person. I'm not.

I haven't been the same since you...

Brought me back.

But Sally's back in with Donna now.

Maybe she can fix it.

Maybe... maybe whatever
went wrong with the spell...

- Maybe she can make it right!
- Sally's distracted.

But it was the magic
that did it to me, Nora...

- Maybe.
- Don't you...

What do you mean, maybe?
That's what it was!

But the magic didn't make you like it.

And it didn't make you lie to me.

Sorry. Guess I kind of walked
in on something here, didn't I?

But hey! Totally just
shizzamed myself in here!

That's pretty advanced, right?

- Kind of.
- Yeah, kind of.

Can I at least get, like, a cursory
thank you for springing you or...

Whoa! Talk about arrogance!

You didn't spring me
from anything, sweetie.

As long as my death spot is
intact, it's a 2-way door.

Oh, well, ok.

Well then, how come last time you wanted
topside, you forced me to summon you?

I know, I know.

It's just that breaking through,
reliving it, it's a little bit painful.

So, I guess there's a lot
that you haven't told me.

Well, I've got a story too, just like you.

Which I'm guessing
you're not gonna tell me.

- Mmm...
- Mm-hmm, of course not.

Why would you tell me?

So...

My brother's dead.

This really can't be
the way it ends for him,

so I need you to teach
me how to bring him back.

Listen, even my magic has its limits.

Bringing somebody back,
it goes against nature.

Maybe the way you did it for
me, but there's gotta be a way.

Are you kidding me?

You didn't tell me you were time traveling.

Are... you have never
told me anything, ever!

Besides, last time we saw each
other, you seemed moderately vengeful.

Yeah, so as per usual, you have
no understanding of what it means,

of the consequences of your actions.

Well, it's not all that bad,

unless, you know, you see something

that you really don't wanna see.

Witch! No mercy!

You tried to steal my soul!

Donna Gilchrist!

Do you wish to confess
yourself to be a witch?

Kill the devil woman! Kill her!

- Oh my God!
- This is what happened.

Hallowed be thy...

It's what was meant to be.

I apologize for the theatrics.

I had to flush you out.

You came in here practically glowing.

Live blood, I can smell it on you.

Who was it?

Did you kill her?

Of course you did.

Now, you're coming down from the
greatest high a vampire can experience.

Draining a human to nothing.

You're insatiable.

I don't know...

I wanted to keep my
promise to you, Suzanna.

But you didn't, and now I'm
forced to make you keep it.

You have to dry out.

And this time, I'm not taking my eyes off
you, so get used to these 4 dingy walls.

There's no way out.

So, what is the longest that you've
ever been stranded outside your own time?

What is this? When is this?
I've never been back this far.

Andover, Massachusetts, August 18, 1692.

When does this happen?
Is it when you do magic?

Oh. You can only rely on that tether

to bring you back home so
many times before it snaps!

It snaps?

Yeah. You could be lost in time for good.

Sally, every time you use our magic,

you run the risk of being
trapped in the past forever.

- Whoa! That's you!
- That was me, yes.

Well, you wanted to know how I died twice.

Enjoy the show.

Oh! Oh!

This is all for nothing
if you don't feel it.

- I'm starving.
- Good.

Pain and withdrawal is a
reminder of what you've done.

You can make it.

My strength is your strength.

Aidan, look at me.

Tell me her name.

The girl from last night,
what was her name, Aidan?

I don't remember.

Of course you don't remember.

To remember her name would be to
acknowledge her life, to honor her death.

There is no honor here!

Why don't you think about it?

You picture her face
and you tell me her name.

All right.

Oh! I'll tell you all about
her. What do you wanna know?

She had very pretty eyes.

Is that what you'd like to hear?

The kind that shimmer when the
life just drains away from them.

Don't you love that?

If you wanna turn this into
a game, that's fine with me.

I'm strong, I'm in this, and I
have nowhere else I need to be.

Amy.

Amy. Good. Talk about her.

Well, what would you like me to talk about?

That her blood was thick,
and it tasted like cloves?

And oh my God! Don't you miss that?

The way that the blood, the
life, just runs into your mouth.

Amy's dead.

And that's on you.

Remembering what you did or remembering
the person that you did it to,

that's what keeps you strong.

That's what stops you
from killing ever again.

Do you understand me?

No, I don't understand.
This is what we are.

What you're doing here,
punishing me, I've done it.

And you know what I've learned?

It doesn't work, it never
makes me feel better,

and the only thing that
makes me feel good is blood!

So, if you want names,
I'm gonna give you names.

These chicks are, like,
seriously old school.

They're bringing you back.

Ok, so that's why you witched up.

This sisterhood is, like, no joke.

No, no. Oh, I wasn't a witch.

Not... not yet.

No, not when they found me guilty, not
when they strung me up from that tree.

You were falsely accused?

Yep.

Yet, somehow, these charming broads managed
to conjure up a 6th member of their coven,

one who, incidentally, would
be forever in their debt.

So, there is a way to bring
somebody back from the dead.

Oh God! You do not understand!

No, no, what I understand
is that there is definitely

a zombie-free way to bring somebody back.

Donna, I'm talking about my brother!

Have you secured the spirit?

Yes.

Call our 4th.

- What are they doing to her?
- There was always a sacrifice.

Laurie Douglas...

Sam Pierson, he was an old friend.

Michael Weser, Mason Collins...

Kate Potter, David Crow, Jenny Cole...

And I don't remember her sister's name,
but who could forget the Cole sisters?

Barking out random names
isn't gonna get us anywhere.

You're gonna have to try to
be a little more specific.

No, you misunderstand me.

This was all one night.

You think that you've done what I've done?

Have you ever devasculated them? Huh?

Have you ever unmasked them?

How do you live with yourself?

How do you look yourself in the mirror?

This isn't about what we are!

And don't blame this on the condition!

I did this!

And I was good at it!

I can't believe you didn't tell
me that... well, they used you.

It's been a lot of years since I
was able to call myself innocent.

I just don't understand how
you can go from that person

to basically eating me and my friends.

How long did it take you to
start to depend on your magic?

To abuse it?

By the time you and I met, there
was nothing left of the woman

hanging at the end of that rope.

I have to ask.

How does the spell work...

To bring back Robbie?

The only way to resurrect a
naturally deceased mortal being

is to create a pathway of energy, a bridge,

between the living world
and the plane of death.

They used that girl.

She lost out on any chance for an afterlife
just so that I could continue to exist.

I can't.

I've just already hurt too many people,

and I couldn't sacrifice just
some random soul, even for Robbie.

That is the first sensible thing
you have said since I ate you.

But I have lived a long time.

I have no right to whatever comes next.

I want you to take my soul.

I... I just don't...

I just don't see how
it's physically possible

that you could have been electrocuted.

I mean, does it even really
matter how it happened?

It happened.

Thinking about how you died is
not about solving a crime, Robbie.

It's for you, helping you get closure.

And what happens once I get closure?

Well, sometimes there's a door.

Yeah, yeah! What's that about?

Doors to what, to where?

We have absolutely no idea.

- Nora!
- No, Josh, he should know.

You spend day after day, sometimes
year after year in a state of confusion,

where you can't talk to
anyone, you can't touch anyone.

And then all of a sudden, this
door shows up to transport you

to who the hell knows where, and
you're just supposed to trust it enough

to stroll on through?

So, I... I... I shouldn't
go through the door.

Sally doesn't want you to, no.

But she's still trying to fix this.

Normally, generally speaking, doors
are very good, positive things.

It's nothing to freak out about.

You're freaking him out.

He should know the
truth, that any semblance

of a happy, normal human life as he knew it

ended the minute that he found himself
trapped in this house with all of us.

- I'm gonna...
- Yeah, dude.

- Nora, I'm... I...
- I can't, I can't...

I can't do this right now.

Can you guys just...

Can you just, like, put
on a movie or something?

Yep.

Ok.

Oh! Not looking so good.

Anyway, Bishop said: "No more
drinking on the job, Aidan."

Bummer.

And, uh, so I'm doing
this hit in the hospital,

and, uh, Matt and Charlie Herstis,
gone, and I start drinking.

Oops. And I drink a little bit too much

to where I feel like I'm underneath
this blanket of listless euphoria.

You know what I mean?

I can hear the cops coming.

But, for the life of me, I can't
get out from underneath the blanket.

My legs won't move. I
grab the defibrillator,

You know, the chest shocker,
and I shock my chest,

and to my horror, I have a heartbeat.

It scared me worse than a
cop, so I ran as fast as I can.

Ran to a girlfriend's house, Ruby
Willis, and she opens the door

and I'm freaking out because I
got a dead ticker doing cartwheels,

so I tore her apart before
she had a chance to kiss me

and got right underneath that blanket.

And that is what we call... A close call.

Sally, wait!

We already wasted enough
time. We have to start!

No, stop, ok? Listen to me.

I died last night, and ever since then,

you've just been running around
this house like a freak show,

casually dropping hints
about vampires, werewolves

and, apparently, popping
in and out of dimensions!

- Like, what the hell?
- Yeah, it's been a day.

Do you ever stop and think that this
might be a bit much for me to deal with?

It took mom 10 years to convince
me that hamburgers came from cows.

Yeah, well, Robbie, all this running
and popping, it's been for you!

So you keep saying.

Yeah, well, I have Donna now!

And we figured it out!
We can help you, so...

Ok.

What?

I... I'm... I guess, ok.

Ok.

Just... how did we get here, you know?

Ok. Yeah, yeah.

After this all finishes,
when you get your body,

you're not gonna be able to see me.

Well, easy fix for that:

I'll just get leather jacket to bite me,
turn me into a werewolf or whatever, right?

That's not even funny! That's not funny.

Now, she's serious.

Was that true, what you said about dad?

Does he wanna sell the house?

He doesn't have it in him.

He lost too much.

I guess he must hate this house
just enough to entrust it to me.

You know, on one of my pops,
um, I went back a couple years,

to the day that Danny and
I moved into this house.

Do you remember? You were...

I was a jerk!

Yeah, you were. Well...

You know, after you died,

I wished I could take a
lot of that stuff back.

Yeah, well, I heard what you said to Danny.

You stood up for me.

Danny always thought I was a deadbeat.

I... I figured he would have told you.

No. No, he never told me.

You know, when this is done,
you get to have your life back.

You can do whatever you want!

I don't... I don't know
what I want anymore.

I... I... I screwed everything
up! It's all I ever do.

No, you can fix this! This is your chance!

You can change things!

- You really think that?
- Yes! I really do.

I'm gonna miss you.

It's time.

I'll meet you... I'll meet you downstairs.

She's never gonna give up
on you. You know that, right?

Yeah, I know.

She's the best.

This whole ghost thing,
the whole responsibilities,

the trick with the disappearing,
going wherever, whenever...

How do you like it?

Well, it doesn't matter what I think of it.

Your sister means for you to live.

It's up to you to decide
if you're worth it.

- You ready?
- Yeah. I'm ready.

- But Robbie isn't.
- What?

He's gone, Sally. He took off.

What? Where... why would he...

Guessing it's not the first time?

But... Wait, all of our planning.

I dragged you through a trans-dimensional
portal! We traveled through time!

And you were willing to...

Why would you leave? Why would you do this?

Where are you going?

He told me he wanted to
put an end to the cycle.

Look, Sally, there's a
very specific kind of person

who's relieved when death finally comes.

I've seen it.

The stress of trying over and over
again, you know, trying to get it right...

It can be a lot. It can be too much.

I just wanted to help him. I just
wanted to give him another chance.

Well, you did. You tried.

Sally!

If you still have it in
you, I could use your help.

Are you sure you wanna do this?

Because, honestly,
seeing you in a petticoat

has made me feel strangely close to you.

If I stay, I won't be able to resist
the temptation to use my power.

I don't want to go back to that.

If I seal this, you'll never be
able to come back on this plane.

It's what I want.

What about our girl talks?

You know, you have grown on me.

Ha!

But listen, seriously.

Promise me one thing?

That this, right now, is the
last time that you use our magic.

Oh God! I mean, I wanna promise you.

I really wanna do that.

But, like, since we're laying this
out on the table right now, you and me,

I really just don't
wanna lie to you anymore.

Here's what I'll promise
you: Special occasions.

Birthdays, Hanukkah, now.

How's that?

I hope you find peace.

Bye, Donna!

You were one badass bitch.

Ok.

Where to next?

Don't look so beaten.

It wasn't all carnage and horror.

There were some nice moments there too.

Like this girl, Sophia, she had asked me
to kill her while making love with her.

Which, you know, not the
first time that happened.

But this one was special,
cause when she died,

I looked out the window and there
was this great flock of birds.

It was a beautiful death.

It was victimless.

Victimless?

It's not victimless!

Someone missed her! She had a life!

She didn't have a life! She didn't
have friends. No husband, no child.

There was a child.

And then, I remember thinking of you.

I could see your face. I... I...

Wondered what you might think of
me, how horrified you would be.

Suzanna, please...

I wouldn't have made you go through
this if I hadn't gone through it myself.

Suzanna, you have to forgive
me. Please, please forgive me.

How can I forgive you when I don't think
you fully understand what you've done?

I am filth and you have never met
anyone who has hated so much what he is.

And that's why you gave me hope.

Please...

Please forgive me.

Someone has to forgive me.

That's enough!

I have a name to give you as well.

That of my very first kill.

The name, it still tortures me.

It's Isaac.

I murdered our son!

I killed our little boy.

What?

That can't be! Y-you...

That's not true. You told me
that Isaac died a grandfather.

I lied.

And because of what we are, I drained
every last drop from his tiny body.

No!

Not Isaac! Not Isaac!

I couldn't sleep.

You should go.

You should go.

Oh, Josh!

You should go downstairs.

You should go back downstairs.

I know, I know.

- This is a bad idea.
- It's fine.

No, please, please.

No, please. I want you to go downstairs.

- No, please.
- Enough, please.

Stop... no, Josh! Josh,
stop! Stop it! Get off of me!

Oh my God! Get away from me!

Christ! Get out! Just get out!

- Oh my God!
- I don't know what you are.

- I'm so...
- Get out!

I'm so sorry! Oh my God!

Please don't go.

I'm scared, Josh.

I'm scared of you.

Find a way to deal with
what you are, 'cause I can't.

Four years, Malik.

Four years.

Do you have any idea how
much longer those years feel

when I'm watching you stumble
through your doomed relationship

and your obsession with oral
hygiene, day in and day out?

Oh my God, I'm stuck here! I'm stuck here!

Donna was right. The tether snapped.

I'm stuck here. I'm never going home!

There's gotta be a way
to get through to you.

I can't live like this, Sally!

I can't live here!

Am I really meant to be reliving
this for all freaking eternity?

Oh my God!

Damn it!

This is the night I die!

Oh my God!

Oh my God! Oh my God!

Sally, where are you?

You gotta run. He's
coming. Run! He's coming!

Hey! Thought we were watching a movie.

He's gonna kill you.