Being Human (2011–2014): Season 1, Episode 1 - There Goes the Neighborhood: Part 1 - full transcript

- We're all hiding
something, aren't we?

From the moment we wake,
look in that mirror,

all we do is spin
our little lies,

suck in that gut,
colour that hair,

twist off that wedding ring.

(Crow cawing)

And why not?
What's the penalty?

What are the
consequences, really?

"I'm only human," you say,
and all is forgiven.

But what if some cruel twist of
fate makes you something else,

something other?



Who forgives you then?

Byron wrote
about Prometheus.

"The retched gift
eternity was thine

"and thou has
borne it well..."

- Don't know that one.

- "...making death
a victory."

(Chuckles)

- Wow!

Such light date patter.

(Laughing)

So that's why
you became a nurse?

To help people experience
the victory of death?

- I'm sorry.
Is that what you asked me?

(Both laughing)



But you know
what I mean, right?

That living thing,

that breathing, living thing

taking its last breath...

it's gorgeous.

(Chuckles)

Every human spends a night
or two on the dark side

and regrets it.

But what if you only exist

on the dark side?

(Cracking, screaming)

- So, this is my place.

Do you wanna come in?

I think I got a really
awful bottle of wine.

(Chuckling)

(Siren)

- How could I possibly
say no to that?

We just want the same things
that you do:

a chance at life,
at love.

We're not so different
in that way.

♪ When there are spirits
that take our place ♪

♪ That take our place ♪

(Screaming)

(Growling)

♪ When there's a villain
without a face ♪

♪ Without a face ♪

♪ When there are spirits ♪

♪ That take our place... ♪

- Sorry, were you
expecting a cheese course?

Come on!

Don't make me embarrass myself.

- And so we try...

and sometimes fail...

(Roaring)

When you're something other,

a monster

the consequences
are worse.

Much worse.

♪ I think I miss you
even more ♪

You wake up from
your nightmares.

We don't.

♪ I think I miss you
even more ♪

♪ I think I miss you even ♪

♪ I think I miss you
even more ♪

(Birds chirping)

(Sniffling)

(Fly buzzing)

- Huh?

♪ I got out of bed today ♪

♪ Swear to God
Couldn't see my face ♪

♪ I got out of bed today ♪

♪ Staring at a ghost ♪

♪ Who forgot to float away ♪

♪ Didn't have all
that much to say ♪

♪ Wouldn't even tell me
his own name ♪

♪ And where
did my body go♪
♪

♪ Where, where did
my body go♪
♪

♪ Africa or Mexico♪
♪

♪ Where, where did
my body go♪
♪

♪ And where did my body go♪
♪

♪ Oh have you seen my ghost♪
♪

♪ Seen my ghost
Seen my ghost ♪

(Moans, teeth clicking)

♪ Oh have you seen my ghost ♪

♪ Staring at the ground♪
♪

(Gasps)

♪ Oh, have you seen my ghost ♪

♪ Seen my ghost
Seen my ghost ♪

(Beeping)

♪ Oh, have you seen
my ghost... ♪

- (Man):
Stanislaw's Mortuary.

- Hey, it's me.

I need your help.

- OK, where are you?

♪ Oh have you seen my ghost♪
♪

♪ Seen my ghost
Seen my ghost ♪

♪ Oh have you seen my ghost♪
♪

♪ Staring at the ground♪
♪

♪ Oh have you seen my ghost♪
♪

♪ Seen my ghost
Seen my ghost ♪

♪ Oh have you seen
my ghost... ♪

(Sighing)

(Sighing)

- You little slut.

(Engine starting)

(Cars honking)

- (Woman on PA):
Dr. Baker, telephone for you.

Dr. Baker, telephone.

- Hey, you know, there's
a better way to do this.

- Do what?
Be a better monster?

No, thank you.

- Or dignified monster.

(Chuckling)

- You're joking, right?

- You shouldn't
have to run

into the woods
every time that you turn.

- Pretty sure the gang
down at the Econolodge

wouldn't take too kindly
to me doing it there.

So...

- So what about
what I said?

What about
the apartment?

- Yeah, it's perfect.
That's a great idea.

Let's do that.
It's perfect.

We'll have
full moon parties.

We'll invite the neighbours
over and eat them.

- Or...

We can look after each other
like normal people.

Aren't you tired
of punishing yourself...

(Sighing)

...squatting in hostels,
and hourly motels?

Don't you ever just
want your own bed?

Besides, God!

What do you do with
a girl if you meet one?

- And yet another
gentle reminder

of how badly my
life sucks. Thank you.

- Seriously, would you
just think about it?

This could help.

Both of us.

- How could 4 walls and
a toilet possibly help this?

And for the record,

reminding me I haven't
had sex in the last 2 years--

Hey.

Total lie.

- Sorry.

- No, he is. Please.

- I am.
- I'm Aiden.

- Hi. Um, Cara.

- Josh.

- Are you new here or--

- Yeah, I'm actually--

I'm just filling in
for... Rebecca.

(Gasps)

She didn't
show up in ICU,

so they called me in.

- (English accent):
Welcome, Milady.

- Yeah, I'm actually just
looking for the nurse's station.

Do either of you know--

- It's 2nd floor,
left from the elevator.

- Great. Thanks.

(Giggles)

It was really great
meeting both of you.

- Aiden, good to see you.

How you feeling?

Better, right?
After last night, huh?

Pretty girl.

- What are you
doing here, Marcus?

- You know,
the grind.

He's an alderman.

Big muckety-muck!

Yeah, Bishop wants us

to go after more
people of influence,

people of use.

- Well, you can tell
Bishop that the hospital

is off-limits
for recruiting.

- Tell you what...

share him with me

and we'll take him
to Bishop together.

- I don't drink
live anymore.

- Since when?

Last night?

- Leave him alone.

- Yeah, sure.

Bishop will be
so disappointed.

He thought for sure
you were back.

- Tell Bishop what happened
last night was a mistake.

- Sure.

(Grunting, groaning)

Are you back in?

I don't mind cleaning up
your occasional mess.

That's what we do.
We're family.

But if you are back,

you and I are gonna have
to set a few ground rules.

There's an order now.
There's Bishop and there's me.

You will respect that.

- Don't worry. I know
how many years it took you

to get your nose firmly
inserted up Bishop's ass.

(Both growling, teeth clicking)

- Are we OK in here, Aiden?

- Are you serious?

- About what?

- Being normal.

Trying to be.

(Sighing)

- Mm-hmm.

- I used to think this curse

was what happened
to me once a month.

And I realized this--this--
this is the curse:

every day...

sitting on a bench...

watching people walk by...

(Women talking, indistinct)

- I don't
think so...

- ...eating sandwiches,
making plans,

being...

what I used to be.

I always tell myself:

"Well, Josh, this is
what... you get.

"This is what you deserve.
This is what you are...

"Now."

I can't do this...

like this...

any more.

- Of course I don't cook.

- You don't eat.

- And I don't clean.

- I have O.C.D.

- Uh, my credit's crap.

Just putting it
out there.

(Both laughing)

(♪ Econoline Crush singing
All That You Are ♪)

- Took us a month,
but we found it!

♪ If I said it
I meant it... ♪

There's a view.

- Of an alley.
The plumbing's beat to hell.

- Go upstairs. You can see
a building that can see water.

It's-- There's
a reflection.

(Laughing)

Look at those windows.

I mean, you could rest
a pie on those sills.

- Yeah, you could if you were
an 80-year-old woman.

- This place is
amazing, Aiden.

You know it.
I want it.

- Just play it cool, OK?

- Totally.

- You sure?

- Got it!

(Chuckling)

♪ It's all that you are ♪

♪ You're just
one shining star ♪

- So? What do
you guys think?

- Well, honestly,
it's a little dark.

- Yeah.

- Which a coat of
light paint can help.

A lamp.

You like dark.

- And the plumbing
is a little bit--

- Look, I know.
I keep meaning to fix that.

- Which we can help with.
I mean, what are weekends for?

- Look, truth is, there was
an engaged couple living here.

All right? They started
fixing the place up.

Things didn't
work out.

- What, they split?

- Yeah, sort of.

She died.

- Who died?
- The girl.

- The fiancée.
- Yeah.

- In the house? Shouldn't you
have mentioned this in your ad?

- Well, I don't know.

Do people do that?

- Yeah, it's fine.

- Look, if you
don't want the place--

- It's fine?

- People die.

- In old-age homes,
car accidents.

Not with their
heads lodged

in my future oven.
- Josh.

- Yeah, um...

She was my fiancée.

- I'm so sorry
for your loss.

- Look, I probably
should've mentioned that.

It's just, um...

I don't come
back here much.

- And that's why you're, uh,
you're out here?

- Look, you two
seem all right.

I know the place
isn't perfect,

but it's a great place
for a couple. It really is.

- What?
- What?

- It's OK.

- So--so look,
I can come by on weekends

and do what fix-up I can.

As far as I'm concerned,
any furniture in there is yours.

And honestly...

I don't need
a credit check.

(♪ The High Dials singing
Oisin, My Bastard Brother ♪)

♪ Hunting on
the beach at dawn ♪

♪ Your arrow struck
a magic fawn ♪

♪ Wonder and surprise ♪

♪ When it changed
before your eyes ♪

♪ Her shipwreck eyes
her deep-sea gaze ♪

♪ Stirred up desire
Churned up the waves ♪

♪ White horses
Foaming steeds ♪

♪ Brought you down
through the deep... ♪

- I'm gonna need you to hold--

♪ Oisin, my bastard brother ♪

♪ It's not too late
Let's have another ♪

(♪ Whistling)♪

- Ah!

- Look at you, Julia Child.

- Well, if you're alone
in the kitchen

and you make a mistake...

(Imitating Julie Child):
...who will know?

(Laughing,
electricity crackling)

- What?

- Someone's in the house.

- Where?

- Upstairs.

Aiden, Aiden.
Wait, wait, wait!

Shouldn't we call 911?

- You're a werewolf.
- Yeah, occasionally.

(Sighing)

- Useless condition.

- Oh, ladies and gentlemen,
the Bobbsey twins!

I am God.
I am everywhere.

I drove all night
just to get back home.

- Are you trying
to scare us with Bon Jovi?

- You can hear me?
- Yeah.

- You went searching
for drug change

under the wrong
couch cushions, lady.

I'm calling the cops.

- Josh.
- What?

- She's a ghost.

- Shut up.

(Gasping, laughing)

You're a ghost?

(Laughing)

- Sorry, I don't totally
have a handle on this.

I'm Sally. Hi!

Crap!

- Wait, what?

- So, you--you--
You've just been here

since you...

- Since I bit it?
Pretty much.

(Giggling)

6 months of a
one-sided conversation,

me ranting, people just
walking through me.

Oh! For a month,
there was these vegans.

Like, this isn't
Burning Man.

You can shower.

- How did you die?

If it's not too
personal a question.

- No, not at all,

especially since
I have no idea.

- At all?

- I remember going to sleep.

I remember lying
next to Danny,

and I woke up
and there was this.

Anyway, you two
gonna go all Twilight

on each other
at some point?

- Excuse me?

- I know what you are.
- How?

- Because it's all
you guys ever talk about.

I wanna be normal,
but I can't,

'cause I wanna eat people, etc.

It's OK.
I'm cool with it!

Believe me, the regular living
are overrated.

- So, wait. So, stop.
Let me just get this straight.

So you've just been
watching us, right?

Just going through our things?

Great, great.

We're living with Sally,

the peeper ghost.

- Oh, relax.
I can't even move dust.

And I'm not
a peeper...

much.

I would have
that mole checked out.

You were pre-med, weren't you?
You should know that.

(Laughing)

- Well, I'm gonna enjoy this.

- You were supposed to marry
what's-his-face, weren't you?

- Danny, yes.

- Right, so why don't you
just go haunt him?

- Josh, just--
- No, I mean, listen.

I'm sorry that
you're a ghost and all,

but if you're gonna spend
eternity with someone,

shouldn't it be with
the one that you loved

or, you know,
anywhere but here?

- I'm sorry. I wish I could say
it's a blood-sugar thing,

but Josh is rude
all the time.

- It's OK. Josh,
I would love to leave.

- But she can't,
bec-- Right?

- Right.

- You're not
my first ghost.

- How can you
seme, anyway?

- Well, think of us
as sort of

different countries
on the same continent.

- Oh my god! That's beautiful,
really. We're Africa.

OK, so about this
whole leaving thing,

have you tried?

- Obviously I've tried.

I haven't been moping
around the house,

rattling chains,
taking bubble baths.

I would love to
just open that door

and magically walk back
into the life

that was ripped away from me.

I did have plans, you know.

- We gotta get to work.

- I'll be here.

- It was great meeting you.

- At lease I don't
masturbate to Nova!

- So you're OK with a ghost
living in our house?

- You do realize that
technically it's her house.

- Look, I'm sorry that she died
and she never got married

and--and she doesn't
know how to move on,

but seriously, I mean,
the whole point of this house

was having one place
where monsters aren't,

where you don't have
to apologize or hide

or think about
what we are.

Where we can eat pizza,
or pretend to eat pizza,

where we can be human for,
like, just an hour or 2.

- And from what I know
about ghosts,

a ghost isn't a ghost
without a reason.

Sally, everything
she knows about ghosts

seems to come from
Whoopi Goldberg.

She knows nothing, Josh.

Would you please give her
a chance to find her way?

(Pipes clinking)

- Where the hell are we?

- They just cleared this
place out for expansion,

but that could
take years.

It's perfect,
isn't it?

You can change down here.

- Into a crazy person?

- Step one,
we got an apartment,

but if you really
want to do this,

have a chance of
having a normal life,

you gotta find
a reliable way

to deal with your
transformation.

So, step 2,
your own personal--

- Cage.

- It works though,
doesn't it?

You could use it
tomorrow night.

- Does it lock?

(Handle hitting counter)

- Try it.

I can let you out
in the mornings.

(Sniffing)

(Sniffing)

(Gasps)

- Emily?

- Come on, people.
As fast as you can.

Get out
of the way.

- OK, the G.S.W.
in the chest.

Hurry up,
he's bleeding out.

Give me an A.B.G,
C.B.C, M-7.

(Groans)

(Sighing, sniffling)

- Sad, isn't it?

Cara.

- Oh, I know.

- OK.

You know, her mom
comes by everyday,

passing out flyers,

which I get, because you want
to do everything you can,

but let's face it,

she's scattered in
a dumpster, isn't she?

I mean, aren't
they always?

Oh God!

Unless you...

you knew her.

(Chuckling)

Anyway, we absolutely
should do something for her,

like, uh, have a vigil

or start a group
or a clothing drive or...

(Chuckles)

uh, just don't--
don't listen to me.

I just meant that if it were me,
I would want closure.

- It's OK.

- I've had, like, a hundred
cups of coffee today.

I keep on making it
for the cops,

and then every time
I make a pot,

I think I should stay
and have a cup with them,

because I--I don't want them to
think that I'm hiding anything,

oh, which, I'm not.

- So, the police
are here again?

- Re-canvassing.

- You're home.

- Yep.

- So, I've been thinking
about what you said,

you know, and...

I think I should
try to move on.

- Great.

- So, I just need you
to call Danny,

tell him to come over,
fix the pipes,

and, uh, I'll take it
from there.

Josh.

If you could call Danny--
- Can it wait?

- It'll take 2 seconds.

- I just want to be alone.

And see,
this is the problem.

You're always here,
so I can never be alone.

- Where am I
supposed to go?

- I don't know. Beyond?
I--I--I don't--

- Yes, please.

Like I'd rather be
shacking up with a vampire

and, oh yeah,
a day drinker.

(Laughing)

Josh, I was gonna
get my Master's,

and now I have
nothing to read

but stupid blogs
over your shoulder.

I've tried to leave.
I don't know how.

- Then figure it out, Sally.
Figure it out, OK?

Because I--

My life sucks enough

without having to
live in your purgatory.

- You're right.
I have stuff to work out.

(Sighing)

You don't know
how lucky you are!

(Laughing)

- Lucky. Right, yeah.

- Whatever's going on
with you,

at least you have
the chance to fix it.

It's a bad bump on the otherwise
ongoing road of your life.

I can't do anything.

I can't change anything.

I can't even drink a beer

to make myself
feel better.

So just go on your
pansy-ass mopey kick,

but at least have
the decency to appreciate

that you haven't dropped off
a cliff to nowhere.

- How did you manage
to make this about you?

(Sighing)

(Dishes clinking)

- Last time we spoke,

you mentioned you and
Rebecca were friends.

- We worked together, yes.

- Some of your coworkers tell us
you were more than that.

- More than what?

- More than
friends.

When was the last time
you were at Rebecca's apartment?

- Hold on. I never said
I was at her apartment.

- You've never been there?
- No.

- You sure?

- Aiden didn't
do this, Tim.

- What are you
talking about?

- He didn't do this.

- Of course.

He didn't.

- You're going to
wait in the car

and you were
never here, OK?

- You know what?
I'll be in the car.

- Good.

Thanks, Tim. Bye.

(Sighing)

Good to see
you back, Aiden.

- I'm not back, Bishop.

- Really?

'Cause Marcus said that
girl was so torn up,

you could read the
VIN number off her ribs.

- Marcus is an ass.

- Maybe.

God, Aiden!
It's been months.

- I've been busy.

- I can see that.

You look horrible.

- Thank you.

Look, I would take it
as a personal favour

if you would make
this thing disappear.

Please.

- I will.

Well, I would, but it's not
as easy as all that this time.

See, 'cause everybody
seems to know

that Rebecca had
a thing for Aiden,

so it's Rebecca and Aiden,
Aiden and Rebecca.

(Sighing)

We'll get through it.

We always do.

Always will.

- I'm not back, Bishop.

What happened with
Rebecca was a mistake.

- Right, happens to all of us.

Somewhere between the tiramisu
and the naughty bits,

we lose our heads.

It wasn't a mistake, Aiden.
You're a shark.

Be a shark.

- Not anymore.

- All right.

Marcus mentioned your
little blood-bank diet.

How's that going?

Sit down.

200 and how many years
you played at my feet,

and now I don't even get
basic common courtesy?

Huh?

I'm worried about you.

- I'm fine.

- Well, you don't
look fine.

- What do you want
from me, Bishop?

You want help with your
little recruiting plan?

- Who said anything
about recruiting?

- Marcus told me everything.

- Forget about Marcus.

What I care about is you.

- No, what you care
about is control.

The changes that I've made,

the life that
I'm trying to live,

oh, you can't
stand that, can you?

- OK.

Would you put yourself
in my shoes for a second?

(Scoffs)

You don't call.
You don't write.

You move in
with a werewolf.

- How did you know that?

- I think you have
no idea what you're up to.

I think you're lost.

I think if
you're not careful,

you may never find
your way back again.

and that, Aiden,
that worries me.

- Is that all?

- Would you believe
that making you angrier

was not the point
of all this?

- Bishop...

you can forget about it.

- Aiden.

It's cold out there
without us, isn't it?

(Two women laughing)

- (Woman 1): OK.

- (Woman 2): Don't you
ruin the time.

- Sorry.
- Josh?

Josh!

(Bird chirping)

Where did you go?

- You found me.
Here we are.

- I wasn't
looking for you.

Jackie broke her
arm "shrooming".

- Jackie, she's--
That's your, uh...

- My girlfriend?
- Right.

- Yeah.

- And her arm's OK?

(Siren in distance)

- I missed you.

- I miss you too.

- So...

- So, how is everybody?

- Everybody?
You mean your family?

We've been freaking out
for the past 2 years,

wondering if you
were dead or alive.

Whatever is happening,

how can you not say anything
to the people who love you?

- Why would you--

I told you not
to worry about me.

- Oh right,
your note.

Josh, did you ever think

that the one thing not to say to
Jewish parents is "Don't worry"?

(Chuckles)

Please.

(Sighing)

Please, just tell me
what's going on with you.

- You wouldn't underand.

- Try.

- You wouldn't.

It's complicated.

- Josh, I'm your sister.

I'm genetically inclined
to love you unconditionally.

But I thought we were
also friends.

- I'm happy to see you.

Believe it or not,
I've really...

really missed you.

But I kind of need you
not to tell anyone

that you saw me here.

(Scoffing)

- What would
I tell them anyway?

(Siren in distance)

This has been the least
satisfying reunion ever.

- I love you. OK, Em?

Just...

I don't know.
Just try to remember that.

(Birds chirping)

(Man speaking Spanish)

(Applause and cheering)

- (All):
Bravo! Bravo!

♪ They won't play ♪

♪ No no
The player ♪

(Woman screaming)

(Laughing)

♪ Don't want to be played out ♪

(Bishop laughing)

♪ Oh oh ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

♪ Big shot ♪

(Telephone line ringing)

- (Woman): Hello?

Hello?

I'm calling about your daughter.

- Yes?

- She's dead.

- What? Who is this?

Hello? Who--

(Siren in distance)

(Crying)

- I've tried to leave.

I really have.

I've stood at the door.

I've stuck out a toe.

And I can't stop thinking:

If I do step outside...

what if I just blow away?

What if I can never
find my way back?

What if I never
see him again?

(Crying)

(Gasps)

(Sighing)

(Siren in distance)

(♪ Rock, muffled
in headphones ♪)

- Josh?

Josh?

Josh!

- You need to
see something.

- What?

- You're a lot sloppier
than you used to be Aiden.

The girl, they know
it was you.

(♪ Rock, muffled ♪)

- Josh?

- What are
we doing here?

(Siren in distance)

You told me this
was about Rebecca.

- I took care of that.

It's fine.

- I can't be here.

- It breaks me up to
see you this way, Aiden.

You can understand
that, right?

I gave you eternal life.

I want you to live it.

- No, you want me
to fall in line.

- I'm not gonna lie to you.
I never have.

Things are
about to change.

But that's neither
here nor there.

What's important is this:

Life doesn't have
to be so hard.

Not for us.

Come with me, Aiden.

(Sighing)

- What are you doing here?

- What are you
doing here?

- You have to leave!

You have to leave!

- Two years of nothing,

and you can't
even talk to me?

No way!

No!

- No, no, no!

Look, look, I'll, uh...

I'll come see you.

I'll come see you.
I promise.

I just need to be--

I need to be
alone right now.

- I know why
you ran away, Josh, OK?

You think I'm an idiot?

Everything was
ahead of you,

cookie-cutter perfect,
just like Mom and Dad.

You panicked.
I get it.

You're not nearly as
mysterious as you think you are.

- All right, I hear you.
I really do.

- Why punish me?

You were my best friend.
Why shut me out?

(Breathing unevenly)

- Look, Emily,
I told you it's comp--

It's complicated and--

(Groaning)

- Are you sick?
- I'm sorry. Just go.

- What are you doing?

- You have to go!

- Josh!

- Oh no!

- Welcome back,
Mr. Aiden.

(Cell phone beeping)

- Come on, Aiden. Please!

(Cell phone ringing)

(Ringing)

Please. Aaah!

- Let me help you!

- (Growling):
Stay away from me!

You stay away from me!

(Whimpering)

Sally. Sally.

Are you home?
Can you hear me?

Please, listen to me.

If there's any chance,

any way you can leave
the house,

any way you can find Aiden
or find me,

tell--tell him
I'm in the roo-- the room

and my sister's here.

And the door's locked.

He'll--he'll know
what that means.

Please.

Listen, if...

Please, if you don't come,

if someone doesn't
open that door...

I will kill her.

Sally, please.

(Groaning)

- Josh!

(Grunting)

(Groaning)

(Whimpering)

(Growling)