Being Human (2008–2013): Season 5, Episode 6 - The Last Broadcast - full transcript

I'm the Devil. When the time
is right, I will rise. NO!

Everything you love will die.

Everything you're scared of
will come true.

And he ceased the dragon,
that ancient serpent who is

the Devil and Satan,
and bound him for a thousand years.

And when the thousand years
are ended, Satan will be released

from his prison and he will come out
to deceive the nations

that are at the four corners of the
Earth, to gather them for battle.

Oh, I've waited so long for this.

OK. OK, so I can't Rentaghost out.

Why can't I Rentaghost out?
What's he done to me, the bastard?!



OK. Don't panic. Wait a sec.

Can I walk through walls?
Can I do that?

Am I basically one of the X-Men?

Argh! That'll be a no, then.
Think. And be calm.

Just rest your hand on that roof.
Easy-peasy, summer-breezy, OK.

Is there a torch on this...
COCKING TOUCHSCREEN?!

Oh, that's it. Ah. Ah.

OK. OK, let's do this.

Oh, yes, sweet as! Ha! Ha!
I'm a bloody X-Man.

Oh! We are nailing this.

I'm sorry. I'll see you.

OK, Hatch. OK, you bastard,
I'm coming for you!

You, my friends, have been given
evolution's winning lottery ticket.

You've been upgraded.



But we aren't the only inhabitants
of this secret world,

and there are those who envy
our splendour...

Werewolves.
I shall now pause for giggles.

Well, well, well.

I bet someone's ears were burning.

Who are you?

Do you want a glass of water?

Nah, I'm good. Who are you?
Good Hal, Bad Hal?

I need to hear you say it.

Your friend is dead.

What happened to him?

Just my turn.

Now I see you.
We wake up in the world

the other has created around them.
So you woke up and killed Natasha?

Oh, God, this again?

Look, don't get me wrong, I've killed
entire phonebooks of people,

but in this instance,
she killed herself.

And why would she do that, then?

I've absolutely no idea...

It was always going to end
like this, wasn't it?

Your Hal put up a good fight,
to be fair.

He loved you both very much.

Nah. He thought I was stupid.

Quite the opposite. But I do.

I think you're a beast of the field.

Night follows day and I follow him.
I wouldn't overanalyse it.

He was kind and clever and odd,
and now he's gone!

There's just you!
Does that not bother you at all?!

Not really. He exhausts me.

A mask of civility is always
the hardest to maintain.

But I don't need to tell you that.

Shall we do this, then? Let's.

Agh!

Argh!

Agh!

God, you're predictable.

OK, ladies. We need to talk.

Blimey, my throat.
I need a Strepsil.

Some of them put up quite a fight,
like they knew

what I was going to do to them, and
wanted to hang on to what they were.

Captain Hatch?

I've never understood why you lot
are so proud of being human.

A monkey falls out of a tree
and invents the digital watch.

That's basically it, isn't it?

You're standing up?
Of course! Haven't you heard?

He will rise. What are you?

Some kind of Type 2?

I've had loads of names
over the years.

Azazel, Old Nick, Old Scratch,
Voland, The Stranger.

I'm sure you've been poking around
ghosts and ghouls long enough
to have heard one of them.

I don't believe you.
I'd do a trick for you,
I'd turn water into wine,

but it's been copyrighted.

Tell me a secret. Something you've
never even said out loud before.

My father beat me.
When he died, his body was
laid in a coffin in our front room.

The night before the funeral,

I crept downstairs
and pissed on him.

Now, now.

You created the sound and fury
that brought me back.

We made such a great team,
I have one last favour to ask you.

Why do you keep on saving him?!
He killed Natasha! How many times?
She killed herself.

I hate to say it, but he's right.
Her ghost told me.

She was sent here to break us up.

It's Rook's latest attempt
at saving his department.

Did she mention why she...?

Because Captain Hatch told her to.

What? The old bloke
in the wheelchair?

Except he isn't an old bloke
in a wheelchair.

He's the Devil.

We've been played.
My God, we've been played!

He wants to start another war!
What are you talking about?

The Devil feeds off the conflict
between werewolves and vampires.

Last century, he incited
a full-scale war between us.

In the end, we performed a ritual
to cut off his power supply

and confine him to his current body.

But it looks like
he's made a comeback.

Why does vampires and werewolves
fighting give the Devil power?

And why does doing a ritual
defeat him?

Our conditions come from him,

so his curses have to be united
against him.

The ritual must be performed by
a vampire, a werewolf and a ghost.

So we just do the ritual again.
There's a catch. What?

No, it's fine, I should be able
to remember all the gubbins.

It was nearly 100 years ago, though.

Why should we trust you?
Because the apocalypse is bad news
for everyone.

But trust is a curious thing,
isn't it, Alex?

Your friend was struggling
to defy something,

the power of which
you will never understand.

But you let others manipulate your
friendship and erode your trust.

This has got nothing to do with us.

You have got nothing to do with us.
You know what?

I really don't have time
to listen to this bullshit.

You need to see
what's happening outside.

I need to do something first.

You must have missed his heart.

I should put him out of his misery.
Kinder, in the long run.

Two minutes, all right? OK.

Shit's getting real out there.

It's OK, don't panic.
I'm here to help.

Shh...

Brilliant. Cheers.
Um, now, then, bit of a confession.

I'm not going to help you.

I just have this thing about
witnesses, you know, blah-dee-blah.

Agh! OK, but, look,

thanks for the blood and everything.

Erm, you won't be forgotten...

guy in denim shirt.

Do you think we can trust him
to help us with this ritual thing?

We don't have much choice, he's
the only one that knows what to do.

And what do we do with him
afterwards?

I suggest we head back to the hotel.

That's the last place
any of us saw Hatch. Well...

In your own time.

What's going on?

Like I said, shit just got real.

So what's he done to them?

See how the bodies are positioned,
how the blood has exploded outwards?

They jumped from the rooftops.

How did he make Natasha
kill herself?

She just said that
he whispered in her ear.

Is that how he does it?
He just whispers in their ears

and makes them kill themselves?

He can't whisper to everybody
in the whole world.

But how's he suddenly got the power
to do this now?

It must have been the proximity.
He had a vampire and a werewolf
squabbling under his nose.

It must have been enough
to give him a foothold.

Wait, was this caused by that bloody
Employee of the Month competition?

I knew it! Those things
always lead to shit like this!

Clearly, Mr Rook did all he could
to exacerbate the situation too.

In fact...

My God...

Speak of the Devil.

Let me get this straight...

Mass hysteria. Suicides.

Resurrecting the anti-Christ.
All to safeguard your pension?

You can't be allowed
to simply run free.

You need regulation, society needs
men like me to protect them!

Yeah, and how's that working out
for you?

And how's that working out for you?

It was the greater good,
don't you understand?

A handful of deaths to stop 10,000.

Tom, say, "I refer you to my earlier
statement," and then gesture around.

I refer you... What?

Do you have you any idea of
the horror you've unleashed?

I do. He came to see me.

What, Hatch did? What did he want?

The Emergency Broadcast Codes.

In the event of
a national emergency,

the Government can seize control of
all television and radio broadcasts.

My department has them, in case one
of your tribes ever attempts a coup.

What is it? What's wrong?

What was it you said,
he can't whisper to the whole world?

I think he just found a way.

'Witnesses say that chaos began
earlier this morning,

'when the first
spate of suicides occurred.

'The deaths swept across the Welsh
capital and its surrounding areas,

'causing disruption to all parts of
the community.

'Police are investigating
the situation,

'but have declined to comment
at this time.

'It's thought the death toll began
on Barry Island,

'in the Vale of Glamorgan,

'but the fatalities were soon
reported in Cardiff city centre...'

Get in!

'..Scenes of devastation have caused
hysterics and confusion.'

Ladies, gentlemen, boys and girls...

I'm sorry to interrupt
your evening's viewing,

but we need to talk.

I have something to tell you.

But first, there's a couple of
things I'd like to get off my chest.

You see, ever since you crawled out
from the primordial soup

and flopped onto the beach,
I thought I was the one
holding you back.

Distracting you, with shiny stuff
and gunpowder. And then I was...

put on the reserves bench,

shall we say? And I thought,
"Oh, well, that's that.

"Without me whispering in
their ears, they'll build utopia!"

Well, dearie me, I got that wrong.

He made you so he could retire,
did you know that?

You were meant to be
the pinnacle of evolution.

A creature so sophisticated
and powerful, you wouldn't need him.

And he could go back to
his gardening

and his wordsearch puzzles.

But what do you do?

You elect leaders that despise you,

and rob you of your freedom
and dignity.

You pollute and devour your Eden.

You know beauty to be false,

but you prostrate yourselves
before it.

You think to be a philistine
is honest,

to be educated is cunning.

You find the lowest common
denominator and then you dig deeper.

I was supposed to be the lesson.

I was the warning.

I was the villain.

And you all became my tribute act.

There is nothing I can do.

Nothing, in all the palaces
of the imagination,

worse than what you do
to each other.

You dragged the world
to the brink of the abyss...

Well done! And now I'm just going
to give it that final nudge.

Hal, don't! They're still human!

We're going to take a little break,
but join us

when we come back,
for that very special message.

One hundred years,
trapped in this broken body.

One hundred years of aching bones
and skin like dust,

and getting up five times
in the night to pee.

And you know what kept me going?

Knowing I'd see you again
and pull out your hearts.

And then, one day, you stroll into
the hotel with a werewolf.

Talk about
a "get-out-of-jail" card!

All I needed to do was pour a little
pestilence into your ears,
and here we are.

We're united now. You can't use
the power of us fighting any more.

United? Really?

Because I'm getting resentment,
fury, hints of heartbreak.

It doesn't matter.
We won't let you win.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll see...

Oh, hello.
You found your way back, then?

I wouldn't want miss a bullshit
Super-Villain speech

from one of the cast of Cocoon!
Why are you here?

What are you going to do?

Well, I'll talk you through it, but
I'm on a bit of a tight schedule.

I'm going to carve the world
into four kingdoms.

Here, the North
will be Kingdom of the Dead.

And the East, Russia and Asia,
the Kingdom of Disease.

In the South, Africa,
the Kingdom of Famine.

And in the West, the Americas,
the Kingdom of War.

Can anyone see where this is going?

No? Does nobody go to Sunday School
any more? It's basically

a Four-Horsemen-of-the-Apocalypse
thing,

but I'm doing it on my own.
Cutbacks.

Crikey, look at the time.

Slit the young fella's throat,
if they try to stop me. Hatch!

Blood of the wolf.

Blood of the vampire.
Ring any bells?

Do they know what this means?

We do. Yeah... What does it mean?

Oh, Hal. Didn't you read them
the small print?

Nobody gets out of this alive.
Not even you, dear.

The ritual kills all participants.

We skip off into oblivion together,
hand in hand.

It's true.
But we don't care, do we, chaps?

I'm up for it, if you are.
Let's roll.

Drink it.

Erm, I can't.

Trust me.

Any last requests?
Actually, forget it,

I don't give a shit. Oh, dear.

Bang...

Where are we? You tell me.

Belarus. The Battle of Orsha.

This is where I became a vampire.

What happened?

The army surgeon was a vampire
already, he recruited me.

Is that him?

I've been watching him
for quite a while.

I don't feel... Something's wrong.

Well, someone stuck a lance
in your tummy,

it's bound to make you feel
a bit out of sorts.

No, something else.
Something's missing.

Oh. I wonder what that...

Oh, hang on. Yes, of course!

The surgeon hasn't found you yet.
You're still human, Hal.

So... where's this?

It's my holiday.
I'm back on holiday.

This is where I was staying
with my dad and my brothers.

Oh, my God,
and that's their clothes.

Must be more to it than that,
more to it than just a holiday,

or else we wouldn't be here.

Yeah. Tonight's when I die.

You were a tough one.

I couldn't take you back to when
you became a werewolf

because you were just a baby,

you wouldn't know
what I was talking about.

So I'm giving you this.

My home? Where we already live?

You're missing the important bit.
And it's right under your nose.

Or not. Let me give you a clue.

Who isn't here?

Hal and Alex? No.

Someone else.

The Wolf. It's gone.

I'm making you an offer.

Say no to his nibs over there,

stay human, live your life.

None of this is real.

How do you know?!
I'm the bloody Devil!

How do you know
I can't travel through time?!

I can't stay here.
Without me to stop you,

you'll tear everything apart.

About 450 years after
you've died of old age!

I can't stay here,
I remember everything!

Five centuries of life and progress.

Yes, well, I'd keep quiet about
all that, if I was you.

Start bashing on about hovercrafts
and off-peak gym membership,

they'll lock you up.
What about Tom and Alex?

I'm talking to them too. I'm not
omnipresent, but I can multi-task.

Oh, hello. Is he with you?

Is it real? You're feeling things,
aren't you? Temperatures, hunger.

Just think what else you could
experience. Love. A career.

Sex. Babies.

No. No, I have to be dead,

to stop Mr Snow and the vampires
from taking over the world.

And then a few months later,
you come along.

Not in this world.
This world's as safe as houses.

But my world,
what happens to that?

Now, now. Don't be greedy.
You get this world, I get that.

Oh, and you get him.

Dad! Is there an ashtray in here?

Is it a dream?
Bit of a grey area, that.

Call it an alternative. Just think.

A life without the Wolf. In return?
Nothing.

Literally nothing. You do nothing.

You just stay here.
What about you?

Well, don't worry about me.

I'll be out of the picture,
leave you two in peace.

Well, technically, three.

What do you mean? I've got it!

Henri for a boy and Amy for a girl.

What do you think?

Leo.

My God, Leo...

I've missed you.

Do you remember when we first met?
What?

I got off the train
from Southampton.

I'd never seen so many people.

In my pocket,
I had the letter saying

I had a job on
the London Underground.

You rushed through the crowd.

You shook my hand,
and very quietly,

you said you were
part of a welcoming committee

for supernatural brethren.

Leo, please...

Why did you want me?

To fight. For dog fights.

Felix Hart. Leonard Price.

Albert Perry.
Fred Saunders. Johnny White.

Do you know who they are?

Why are you doing this?
They're all the people I killed.

By the time I died,
I couldn't remember

what I had for dinner
the night before,

but I never forgot those five names.

If you resist him
and die here in this forest,

or die of old age in 50 years,

how many lives will that save?

Because it's not just your victims,
is it?

Without you, I would probably
have slipped through that crowd,

worked hard, saved, opened my shop,
fallen in love, had a family

and not killed five people!

I couldn't have saved you
any earlier.

I wasn't... I wasn't me,
I was another man entirely.

So save me now.

But Henri spelt H-E-N-R-I.

After Henri Giffard,
who invented the steam injector

and the powered airship.

And Amy after Amy Johnson,
the female aviator.

Or do you think
they're too much to live up to?

What's wrong? You're awfully pale.

You're pregnant.

And you're Allison. Oh, dear.
I know what this is. Delayed shock.

Happened to my father.
The day Mum entered
the third trimester,

Dad climbed up on top of
the garden shed and ate
a whole tin of Quality Street.

Strong sweet tea is what you need!
Come on, soldier.

It's all right?
You've had it checked, the baby?

You Noggin! You came to the 12-week
scan, don't you remember?

You cried
when you saw its little feet.

And then I cried.
And then the scanner lady cried.

How did we meet?
What?! Tom, you're scaring me now.

No, it's fine,
I remember, it's just...

I love the way you tell it.

Picture the scene -
a crazy, mixed-up kid,

lost in a strange and brutal town.

Her mission? A walking tour of
the sites of
archaeological significance.

She slips into a cafe,
to use the facilities,

and there behind the counter
is a certain Mr Dishy-McDish
of Dishtopia.

Then Hal's shift finished
and you walked in! Ha-ha!

And we went to a museum.

Ostensibly, to chaperone Hal and
Alex, but I had an ulterior motive.

Nothing gets the heart racing
like dioramas of Palaeolithic man.

I was biding my time and as soon as
we hit the gift shop, I pounced!

Is there anything weird about us?
Anything we have in common.

Well, heaps of things.
The same values,
the same sense of humour.

And we both hated Black Swan,
but that strikes me as
entirely reasonable.

But without... nothing there,
we're so different.

Why would you still be with me now?

Because you're you!
You're kind, and brave,

and clever, and not too shabby
in the sack department.

I want this to be true.
What? Tom, it is.

But how long can it go on for?

As long as you like.

I think I know what's happened.
You've been asleep

and you had a dream.

One of those really realistic dreams
that seem so real

that when you wake up,
everything else seems fake.

But you've got to say to yourself,
this is the real world,

and everything that went before,

that was the lie
and this is my life.

You'll have to excuse me, Allison.

I think I'm having
a Quality Street moment.

Perhaps you could go in the living
room and read a magazine or a novel?

Oh, er, OK...

What do you want,
you know, from life?

All this. But for real.
Wasn't really happening, though.

Do you know what the definition
of madness is?

Doing the same thing over and over
and expecting a different result.
How d'you know that?

I seen it on Eggheads.

I was going to drop it into
a conversation to impress Hal,
but the moment ain't come up yet.

Yes, Hal, what's going on with him
at the moment?

He's gone. He does this.

He gets sort of replaced.

Well, to be fair, he still said
he'd join in with the ritual.

And he knows it all flows back to
whoever's blood it is
and kills them.

That's not his blood in the flask.
He's using somebody else's blood.
Seriously? Ha!

Will it still work? Well, it would
weaken me, but that's all.

That's how I ended up in this body.

Chances are, I'd be back on my feet
in 100 years.

He's a slippery bugger, isn't he?

Hey, what's this? Alex...

Sweetheart... You're crying.

Is this about Ryan's tattoo still?

That was the last conversation
that we had.

We argued about his tattoo
and the spelling mistake.

That must be the last memory
that you have of me.

What? You would have of me... if,
you know, something happened.

Exactly.

So stop being a dick and be nice
to your poor dad, eh? Oh, Dad.

You're looking peaky. Can't, erm...

What's his name? Hal. Hal.

Can't you see Hal tomorrow?
You look shattered.

Have an early night.
And, you know, don't worry about us.

You can do all the washing
and the ironing in the morning.

Always looking after me. I've grown
very fond of you over the years.

I'm out of my depth here, love.

Is this... a woman's thing?

Shall I ring Nana?
Or your Uncle Adrian?
I'm fine, I'm just really happy.

Sweetheart, you can't go on a date
when you're looking this... happy.

I don't know if I can cancel.

I don't know how this works!

How long since you last went out
on a date? Maybe you're right.

All this is so...

I feel so strange...

What are you thinking? What?!

Good God, woman, I just came in here
to look for an ashtray.

For me, just tell me what's running
through your head right now.

Your mum was an idiot.

Dad. I don't mean...

I'm not trying to bring up old...
I mean...

walking out like that,

missing seeing you, here and now,
what you've become, I mean...

And you. Yes, I have aged
really well, to be fair.

Listen, I'm really sorry
about earlier. Mates again?

Yeah. God, yeah.

You're going to make me go back
outside to smoke, aren't you?

I thought I'd hidden your
cigarettes. Bought some more.

It's YOUR inheritance I'm spending.
I love you, Dad.

Well, you'd be mad not to.

That was a low blow. Using him.

I wouldn't be doing my job if
I didn't show you the whole picture.

Everything you're missing.

Why? Why are you doing this?
It's what I was made for.

God knows why. Literally.

Grand scheme of things,
circle of life, all that.

I don't really get a say in it.

I just have one purpose. Chaos.

Cancel your date, play swing ball
with your brothers, go home,

fall in love.

I'd say that's a lot more real than
where you came from.

Are you real?

I think I'm symbolic. I'm not sure
if that's the same thing.

I wanted to say goodbye.

You did, don't you remember?

Not to you, to Tom and Alex.

Alex will live too now!

Yes. Of course she will.
That's good.

There was a man here.

I didn't see anyone.

I'm sure of it. We talked.

You are delirious.
You lost so much blood.

Close your eyes.
I wish I could remember...

I feel I have to
remember something...

To ignore the man, the army surgeon,

that's what you have to do.
Remember to die, Hal.

I was with Tom and Alex in a studio,

and he was there, the man was there.

Shh, shh.

Then we were here. I was thinking
something. Before you arrived.

About what he was saying.

There wasn't anyone there.
It's only ever been me.

No. I was thinking...

I was thinking...

that this is a trick!

You're making me sad, Hal.

Shut up! You're just symbolic!

I want to talk to him.

I want to know what he's doing
with the others.

It's misdirection. While I'm here,
what are you doing with the others?

You didn't answer my question. What
are you going to do to the world?

A bit late to worry about that.
I've already started.

But my family, my friends,
you're going to hurt them.

Hurt them? They're right here!

Hal and Alex,
what are you doing to them?

Fuck 'em! This is what you want.

You think they'd give up
their dreams for you?

You think Hal would give up
anything for you?!

Look at what I'm offering you.

There's no shame in living a dream
if it's better than reality.

Who's going to thank you
for giving this up?

Who's going to know?

You know where you went wrong?

You should have put us together.

Everything is incomplete
without them.

But my real family,
the ones that I can't see,

they're in danger.
That's not Allison in there.

How can you have spent a century
living among people,

without learning anything about us?

You forget that we are
not like you... Deep down...

We're human.

Here! Here! I'm over here!

Now, if you don't mind,
I've a hot date to get ready for.

So, thank you very much
for your kind offer,

but I'm afraid I...
Do you know what? Sod it.

Bunch of poofs!

Thank God, I'm still me.
I was good again.

It was ghastly.
You're not using your blood,
so you won't die.

You lied to us. It won't kill
the Devil, it'll just put him

out of action for 100 years.
It's self-preservation, that's all.

If you can find another ghost
and werewolf, be my guest.

You never run out of ways of being
a dick, do you? Guys...

Shit. OK, we do it anyway.

And if he comes back in 100 years,

then you kick his arse properly.
Yeah, yeah, it's a date.

Hal, I just drink it, yeah?

Welcome back.

Come closer. That's it,
right up to the television.

I've got a secret to tell you all.

Everybody loves a secret,
don't they?

Ou suis-je? Qui etes...

The Government has launched
an inquiry into how the gas

was released, and how a retired army
captain, suffering from dementia,

was able to gain access to
the television studio.

"Poison gas fumes," they really
expect people to believe that?

I don't see why not.

People will believe whatever
gives them the fewest nightmares.

What happened to the Devil?
He'll have returned to
the atmosphere, to people's hearts.

Still, it looks like Rook's got
his department back.

Maybe that's a good thing, though.
There's still a lot of
monsters about.

That's my cue to go.
I have a surprisingly low threshold
for passive aggression.

OK, we do this now.
But he just said that the Devil
will come back one day.

Won't we need Hal
to defeat him and stuff?

We'll do it, we'll find a way.

God, I knew you'd do this,
I knew you'd pussy out!

Oh, and, Alex...

Sorry things didn't work out
between us.

I know "other me"
was keen as mustard.

Well, maybe "other you"
should have stuck around.

Hal, If this is it,
will you say goodbye as Good Hal?

My best mate.
If this is my last memory of you,

will you make it a nice one?

Goodbye, Tom.
You deserve better friends than me.

Are we wasting our time,
doing all this,

trying to be human?

Tom, don't ask him.
The definition of madness

is doing the same thing
over and over

and expecting a different result.
Is that what we're doing?

Hal. Don't take everything away.
I'm not part of this
little project now,

which gives me
a... clarity I didn't have before.

Annie, George, Mitchell, Nina,
the two of you,

what none of you realised,
none of us realised,

is - the desire to be human
is the end, not the beginning.

To want it is to have it.

You're not wasting your time, Tom.
You've already won.

Adieu.

Alex, why are you
holding the door shut?

Oh, Tom. You understand why
we're doing this, don't you?

I understand why you're going to try.

Don't suppose you fancy
just sort of surrendering?

I'm not the "just sort of
surrendering" type.
Tom, put the stake down.

You don't have the stomach
for this fight. I do.
Do you know what the difference is

between you and the other Hal?
I see it now.

The other Hal
never underestimated me.

What do we do now? I don't know.

Yes, what is the protocol
in these situations?

Bollocks. Answer it.

We're going to answer it.
Are you going to run?

I don't "run". Alex. Door.
Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Awkward. Bloody hell.

I come in peace.
Alex! Alex, Alex!

What?! Am I jumping the queue? D'you
want to stamp on his neck first?

He did stop Hatch.
Shit the bed,

you think we're even now?
He brought the Devil back!
He brought him back!

Basically, there's
some sort of debate as to whether
the end justifies the means.

We're talking to the ghost,
by the way.

Perhaps you can explain.
I thought I was doing a good thing.

Or, at least, a necessary thing.

God, change the bloody record.
What's he doing here, anyway?

Does he want us to forgive him,
is that it?! What do you want?
We were in the middle of something.

I came to tell you
that I have resigned my post.

What the hell did Natasha or
any of those people die for?!

What did any of those people
die for? What did any of this
happen for?!

None of those deaths were in vain.

The future of the department
is assured now. Our work.

THEIR work. Their essential work
can continue.

Fuck this, I can't listen to this.
Get him out of here, before
I poltergeist an anvil on his head!

Perhaps it is too soon.

Perhaps none of this
can make sense yet.

I do have a question.

How can you hear Alex?

She talked about the deaths
and Natasha. You responded. How?

What am I like?
Your insides are on fire.

Argh!

When I realised
Rook was about to kill me,

I fled that old tired body
and entered this one.

Now it's too late!
I'm too powerful!

We have to do the ritual!

What are you waiting for?!
He'll kill us all! Just do it! Do it!

Now, drink it!

The Devil needs to possess a human.
You're the only human here.

His spirit is going to come back
and take you again!

When it does, kill me!

Rook? Rook!

Is everyone OK? Alex? Hmm...

What about you?
Are you Good Hal, Bad Hal?

Both. Neither. I can't explain it.

No, even I felt that.

What? Your head...
You're bleeding...

It's not just the cut. I'm aching.

I feel like I've been hit by a bus.

Oh, shit, look, my tights
are ripped! Tom! Hit me!

Aw! Jesus... But I felt it.
That actually hurt!

Tom, what about you?

The Wolf's gone. I can't find it.

Hal, what's happening?

Our curses came from the Devil.

With him dead, properly dead,
they've gone.

We're human.

Are you still eating?!
You're going to make yourself sick.

That's the plan. Hmm, another
sensation that I've missed. Tea?

Nah, I'm stuffed. Oh, go on, then.
Just a wee one, though.

And a coffee.

Mmm, and some hot chocolate.
And some biscuits.

D'you think we should ring first?

Y'know, me turning up,
on my family's doorstep,

literally risen from the grave.
My dad'll have a heart attack.

Trust me, I don't think
there's a good way of doing this.

It's starting in two minutes.
Have you asked her yet?

I was waiting for
an appropriate moment.

Well, now's good. Look, she's there.

Were you planning to stay...

in Scotland, with your family?

We're assuming you will, and that's
fine, we completely understand...

But we want you to stay with us,
because you're sound. Yeah. Quite.

Erm, but this is your home too
and you'd be more than welcome
to come back here.

I'd like that. We'd like that.
Well, I'd like it very much.
We would.

Ooh, erm. Before I died,
the plan was to live.

To leave home, to see the world.

So going back there now would be a
bit like wasting this second chance.

But would staying here
be any better? I don't know.

Can we do this thing
with my family first?

I can't really make a decision
until we've done that.

You should have waited till later.
What?

So what happens now? With us?

I know it's ten kinds of weird,
but...

I think we need to discuss it.

I do too, erm, I just assumed that

you'd want to wait until you'd
seen your family. Oh, no. I do.

But I just need to know

what else there is for me here. Me.

There's me.

It's starting!

Right. It's 10p a bet,
before they price it, obviously.

Closest to the actual value wins.

And, Hal, if it's something you used
to own, you miss that round.

What? Once. That happened once.
Hey, what was your dream?

Where did Hatch put you?
Somewhere a long way away.

But it didn't have you two there.
I told him he should have

put us together, that it was
incomplete without you two.

And here we are. Here you are.
Sshh!

'A first on the Antiques
Roadshow. We've been to our
fair share of stately homes...'