Being Human (2008–2013): Season 5, Episode 4 - The Greater Good - full transcript

Having disposed of Larry for Hal, Rook, his department being depleted, billets Bobby, a dim werewolf from the 1980s, onto the trio. Tom, his appointed minder, is initially annoyed but starts to bond with his charge as they work together at the hotel. Hal also brings Ian Crumb to the house in an effort to curb his blood lust. Hatch recognizes Rook when he comes to the hotel and, in his quest to get rid of supernaturals, persuades Rook to unleash the lycanthropic Bobby on the hotel, an act in which quick thinking from Hal and the werewolf Tom prevents bloodshed. Hatch, however, eventually gets the better of poor Bobby whilst Hal, angry at Ian Crumb's jealousy of his relationship with Alex, renews his taste for blood.

The conflict between the
werewolves and the vampires

generates such an energy,
upon which the Devil feasts.

I don't need blood any more.

You stay away. You are regret
and disgust and nothing more!

You want to talk to the real me?

- Hello!
- 'I believe I have some work for you. '

I'll be right over.

Bobby. Excellent.

I see you've started packing.

How long will I be there?

Not long. A few days.
A week at the most.



Then you'll come right back.

This is what you said was happening.

"I have to talk to
the Chinese from China.

"You know China, don't you Bobby?

"They're going to give us funding
so we can keep the Archive open

"and I... I can carry on doing my job. "

Then I said, "The Chinese eat rice. "

And you said, "Yes and if we get their
funding, perhaps we'll have to eat rice too.

"We could have sweet and
sour chicken chow mein. "

and then I said, "I don't like rice. "

And then you did that
thing where you smile,

but that vein in your
head sort of pulses.

Yes, that seems a pretty thorough...

- This werewolf...
- I believe he's called Tom.



- Is he nice?
- We've barely... Yes, he's very nice.

I don't want to go.

Bobby, they're about
to cut the electricity.

It'll be jolly cold and
there won't be any lights.

All the same.

It'll be jolly creepy. This
isn't a permanent arrangement.

I hope I've made that clear.

Once I've secured the funding,
you'll be brought straight back!

Plus all my posters are here.

I'm sure Tom wouldn't mind
if you took a couple with you.

But more importantly, Bobby,
the locks are linked to the grid!

With the electricity gone we won't
have any way of containing you.

Do you understand what that means?!

I'll take Burt Reynolds
and Worzel Gummage, please.

Nah, I'm not doing it. No way!

He can't stay in the Archive.

I have no staff and with
the electricity turned off,

no way of containing
him during the full moon.

Tell him about the deal.

After some unfortunate encounters,

we've made a pledge to
avoid other supernaturals.

They're nothing but trouble.

Bobby's no trouble, are you, Bobby?

Bobby? What is it?

He does this.

It's nothing to...

- He's thinking.
- No, it's me.

He's noticed our friend Alex. She's a ghost.

You hear that, Bobby?

They have a ghost! Goodness gracious.

Why can't he go somewhere else?

He needs to be billeted with
people who have the experience...

...and tools to deal with his condition.

And this household does owe me a favour.

For what?

Cleaning up after Ian.

Speaking of whom, he has
adopted the sobriquet Crumb

and gone on a killing spree.

He's claimed at least six
victims in the last month alone.

I haven't seen anything in the papers.

No, I have reason to believe

he's formed an alliance
with an ex-employee of mine.

Alan.

Together, they can kill
at will and leave no trace.

I want you to... deal with
them. However you see fit.

It's not my responsibility.

You made Crumb.

Besides, you've cost my department a lot
of time and resources over the centuries.

This is your chance to give
a little something back.

Big Society and so forth.

And Mr McNair will look
after Bobby until I'm back.

No chance.

It wouldn't be for long.

What about work? He's not
coming to work. Look at him!

- What's your job?
- Erm, I'm assistant manager in a hotel.

Skill.

Is he being sarcastic?

Truth be told, I'm never quite sure.

I'll be back before the full moon.
Bobby, do whatever Mr McNair says.

I'll show myself out.

So, what are we going to say?

Stop... killing people?

Who's there?

Hello, Ian? It's Hal.

There is no Ian. There is only Crumb!

- OK... Crumb. It's still Hal.
- And Alex.

Why didn't you say so? To
what do I owe the pleasure?

We've come to see if you need some help.

Do I look like I need help?

Alan, we've got company!

Not more pizza?

No, no, I think they
ran out of delivery boys.

Alan, this is Hal and
Alex. And this is Hazel.

Hal. I've read your file. Huge
fan. That's Alex? Alex-Alex?

- Yeah.
- Jings.

You know, they say death
is a natural aphrodisiac.

Crumb... Ian. This has to stop.

We don't want it to stop. We've
got blood, we've got girls...

Flaming Orc.

Look, I understand the thrill
of this new-found power,

the exhilaration, but I
told you, it won't last.

Sooner or later it gives
way to guilt, to horror...

We know what to do about that.

Hair of the dog! Just
start all over again.

Would you just excuse us for a minute?

They're nuts.

I say we stake them both and
we get the hell out of here.

No. Rook said I could deal
with Crumb however I saw fit.

Yes. And we both know that was
posh boy talk for 'kebab him'.

There's been enough death and
violence. This is where it ends.

We can help him, and his friend.
For once, we can do some good.

Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's right!

Mm!

I want to help you.

You had your chance when I came asking,
remember? You didn't give a shit then?

That was wrong of me. But I
want to make up for it now.

With our help, you can leave
all this behind, both of you.

You can have careers,
friends, even... even lovers.

What, like you?

Yes. I have a full and rewarding life.

All right then.

What?!

We're in.

When's Mr Rook coming back?

I don't know.

- What you doing?
- What's it look like?

I'm not allowed to iron.
Last time I ironed something,

my legs got burnt pretty badly.

How did...? Never mind.

- Can I take my shoes off?
- No.

- Can I sit under the table?
- No.

Have you got an answering machine?
Specifically the Bell-Tone 500.

How should...? No we haven't!

The Bell-Tone 500 was one of
the last answering machines

to use the little cassettes.

Brilliant that, honestly.

When's Mr Rook coming back?

I don't know, mate.

Hello?

- What are they doing here?
- I told him.

- Whoa.
- Who's he?

A werewolf from the Archive.

What are you doing here?

I live here now. Mr
Tom's looking after me.

- Bobby is another temporary guest.
- "Another"?!

Crumb and his friend Alan are
going to be staying with us...

...while we help get them off the blood.

Nice to see you again, housemate.

Tom!

Look, by bringing them into our pact,

we're making it bigger, stronger.
Helping them will help us!

- I don't trust them.
- Good. Don't.

They're junkies. But with the
right sort of help, they can change.

If I can be redeemed,
surely they can too.

Fine, OK. But I'm not
clearing up any poo.

You can count me out. I'm going to work.

Tom, as you may remember, the early
stages of blood withdrawal can be quite...

...frenetic.

I don't think it's a good idea
for Bobby to be around that.

He's not going to the hotel, no way!

Dude, why are you being such
a dick? This isn't like you.

I'm not! Just look at him.

He's smelly and hairy

and he asks loads of stupid
questions all the time.

Oh my God.

You're a snob.

That's to... Shut up, man.

No, he's right! You've got a house and
you've got a job and you've become a snob!

- Big snob.
- Ha! I don't believe it.

Nah, you don't know what you're ta...

Right, come on then, Bobby
- we're leaving!

Tom, before you go...

Can I have some of your blood?

It's like Battersea
bleeding Dogs Home in here.

Right, sit here. Don't touch anything.

Don't talk to any guests and
don't bother any of the staff.

As you can see, we're
rushed off our feet.

- It's huge.
- Here we go. What is?

Can I sit in a smaller room?

No. This is a luxury dining suite

suitable for intimate dinners for two

or family celebrations.
Appreciate it, OK?

Yeah? Thank you.

Because Alex can't be trusted,
this will be your home by night.

You will experience nightmares,
delusions, cramps, guilt.

You'll wish you were dead.

But when you make it through to the
other side, you'll cherish life even more.

For the day, I have prepared
a rigorous programme...

...of housework,
exercise, routine tasks,

designed to suppress your cravings
and control your appetites.

Contact with even the smallest drop of blood...

...could resurrect my more monstrous side,

so Alex has kindly agreed to assist us.

Should have worn my leotard.

- Yeah, you should.
- That'd be nice.

The one on the left, is the
human blood you brought with you.

The one on the right, kindly
donated by Tom, is werewolf blood...

One will dissolve your
organs from the inside out.

The other will rot your soul,
until there's nothing of you left.

Both will kill you...

One just more quickly than the other.

If, at any point in this process,
you feel you can no longer resist,

then these glasses will be here for you.

All you have to do is ask.

But if you take one, you
must be prepared to die.

One way or the other... Any questions?

- Why are you still here?
- What do you mean?

He attacked me, recruited
me, took me prisoner.

You were shocked, you were so hurt.

But you're still here, still friends.

Because he's fighting it.

Every day, he's trying
to be something better.

And I don't know, I guess
I admire that. I respect it.

So, how long was you in that place?

33 years.

Have you got an answer
machine here? A Bell-Tone 500?

I doubt it. So what happened, Bobby?

I went fishing.

I caught a condom this big.

That's when it run past. Cut my
back and pushed me in the water.

I was 12. I know that because
it was my birthday a month later

and the whole of my family
come round for a barbecue.

A month later. Oh, mate.

Mr Rook always says it was quick

and they wouldn't have felt any pain.

It weren't your fault.

Mr Rook always says that I'm
a savage and deadly predator

that society should be protected from.

He must be right, he drives a Lexus.

Whatever. You're out now. It's
a chance to do things different,

a chance to make something of yourself.

Right, come on. We'll start tomorrow.

I'm going to introduce you to the exciting
world of hotel and leisure management.

Hello, you.

What's wrong?

Can't you see her?! It's... thingy.

Hazel.

- Hazel. The girl we killed in the flat last night!
- There's nothing there.

It's just the lack of blood.

Now shut up, I'm trying to concentrate.

What are you doing?

In the Archive, they
taught how to get loose

in case we ever got captured
by one of your lot. Our lot.

Nearly there.

No, I'm all right. Don't worry about me.

Don't tell me you're doing this for real.

- I made a promise to Alex. And Hal.
- So? What's that got to do with...?

Oh, my God. You fancy Alex!
That's why you're doing this!

Oh man, that's funny.

Really, if I wasn't already
dead, I would die laughing.

I'm not listening to you!
La la la la la la la la!

You really think someone like Alex
would go for a someone like you?

Never mind me, that's the delusion.

Besides, she's totally shagging Hal.

She's not! They're just friends!

Please. There's Hal,
body of a Greek God.

Then there's you,
body of a Greek waiter.

Get off! Leave me alone!

Girls like us never
go for guys like you.

Forget what your mum said.
It's not about personality,

it's not about, "Letting us
see the special boy inside. "

I mean, you became a vampire, and
you still had to kill me to get me.

I said, shut up!

Totally uncalled for.

Hello, The Bobby Grand. Barry speaking.

No. It's the Barry
Grand, and you're Bobby.

Sorry. The Barry Grand and I'm Bobby.

- Yeah.
- The Barry Grand and I'm Bobby.

Sometimes I like to throw in, "What's
the weather like where you are?"

Gets them nice and relaxed
before you tell them the price.

No, I... This is all
moving too fast for me.

No it's not, you can do it!
I did it, so you can too.

But you're brilliant.

I think "brilliant" is a bit...

Am I?

I don't know, like.
It's your decision, mate.

You are! You own a
hotel, you wear a tie.

I wore a tie for Christmas 2006
and I burned me legs pretty badly.

How did...? Never mind.
Shall we do it again then?

- Morning, patients!
- Where's Alan?

He got out in the night, he
tried to make me drink blood.

You're here to stop killing!

I know, that's what
I want, but he didn't!

He was my only friend, and I
put a stake through his heart...

...because I want to be clean.

Look, I didn't touch the blood.

I could've tested it and drank
it and driven the nightmares out,

but I didn't because I want your help.

Please don't give up on me yet!

Let's get started.

Come on! Feel that burn!

We have... raspberry. Some... vanilla.

Now what you do is, circle
it around the woods basically.

- Circle it?
- On the ground!

Alex... watch this.

Hello the Barry Grand. Bobby speaking.

No... Bobby!

I'm rolling now. We'll see what we get.

You'll need that when you
get to Yeoman's Market.

And relax... What did you see?

My niece. I used to
take her to Blackpool.

She was desperate to ride this old
rollercoaster called the Mousetrap,

so I'd stand her on me foot
so she'd look tall enough.

It was brilliant, she screamed so loud!

It was the same scream she
made when I killed her mum.

Only that was horrible.

And it was even worse
when I made her stop.

- I need some blood.
- No.

It's good, you need to feel it.

Because the next time you want
to kill, that's what you remember.

You hold onto that memory, and you stop.

Do you understand? You stop.

What did you think of?

This isn't about me.

I need to know you can be clean
with things like that in your head.

Please?

Sylvie.

I don't know why.

That was over 200 years ago.

What was she like?

Breath-taking.

Curious,

mischievous, opinionated...

infuriating.

Delicate one minute,
foul mouthed the next.

My love for her was a physical
ache in the pit of my belly

that I never wanted to be free from.

Did she know what you were?

But she thought she could save me.

She thought her love,
her friendship, her body,

would keep me strong and clean.

What happened?

I always have a rough idea
of when I am about to...

...revert.

But this time, he came from nowhere.

I was out riding when suddenly
I decided to turn my horse round,

ride back to the house and
kill everyone inside it.

As if I was deciding to
change into a warmer coat.

I worked my way up from the kitchens

and found her sitting on our bed.

She didn't look frightened,
or even surprised.

Just disappointed.

She told me not to blame myself.

She said it was stupid of her
to think she could change me.

I agreed.

And then I laughed.

Ah...

So that's why you're with Alex now.

You can't kill her.

I'm not "with" Alex.

Really?

Two decks of cards -
dinosaurs and Peppa Pig -

but Hal - cover your
ears - mixed together.

- Knock yourselves out.
- Excuse me.

Everything OK?

It makes you think of
all the horrible things...

...you wish you'd
never done in your life.

Yeah, I used to get
like that on Sambuca.

So...

.. here we are again.

This keeps happening.

I'm not sure about "keeps".

Do you remember when Hal
first brought me here?

Yeah, probably shouldn't have
let you out in retrospect.

But you did.

Hmm, what does that tell us?

How long can we keep up this charade?

You'd be surprised!

Alex...

May I treat you to a fish supper?

Hold that thought.

Oh, he just asked me out on a date!
At least I think he did anyway.

He asked me out for a fish
supper. Is that an English thing?

I don't think that's a good idea.

Yeah, well I wasn't
actually considering it.

I only told you so we could toss
our heads back and laugh smugly,

but once again you have ruined my fun.

In fact I'm not sure if it's
worth continuing with this at all.

Are we ever truly safe?

Can we ever really properly assimilate?

Of course, look at you! I mean, one
minute you're knee deep in virgins,

the next you're having a letter
read out on "You and Yours".

Alex, please.

No, what you said to Crumb was true,
we can have a normal human life.

Isn't that why we're doing this?

Not just for Crumb, but for everything.

The house, job, a Nectar
card! It's to be human.

It's pretending. It's dressing up.

No, it's keeping us safe.

It's stopping you from
going on a killing spree,

it's stopping me from
going loopy like Mary.

All we're doing is marking time
until the inevitable happens.

Kind of like life then?

Hal, we have got to grab every
scrap of normality that we can,

whether that's watching
rubbish telly, laughing,

going on a crap date...

Going on a crap date!

- No. - Yeah. - No,
you're not serious?

Hey, I once ate 11 tins of
Alphabetti Spaghetti to prove a point.

This, this is nothing.

Ha, yeah, I'm going to go
out on a date with Crumb.

And I am going to show you that normality
and all those human things are possible.

Don't get me wrong,
if he tries anything,

I will drop a piano on his head.

But apart from that, we're
going to have a great time.

A great, normal time. You watch.

Bobby.

Bobby!

Bobby!

I got a present for you, mate.

It's the Bell-Tone 500.

Yeah, I got it off the eBay.

Would you plug it in for me?

'Hello Bobby-love. Hope you
had a good day at school.

'There's last night's macaroni cheese
for your tea so pop it in the oven.

'My shift finishes at 10, so get yourself
to bed after Shoestring. Love you, monkey. '

Mum finished work late most
nights so I'd just let myself in.

So she'd leave me messages
because I liked hearing her voice.

They erm...

They let me take the answer
phone into the Archive,

but it got broken in 1997.

They'd stopped making them by then,

so I haven't been
able to listen to this.

Well, I'm really pleased you like it.

You do like it, don't you?

I love it.

Bobby! Bobby! Bobby,
put him down! My God!

Mr Rook!

I knew this would happen! Mr
McNair, I can't apologise enough.

It's all right, he was
just hugging me wasn't he?

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine. I just need
to sit down for a second.

How did it go with the Chinese?

Not well. They were more interested in what
return they could get from their investment.

Because keeping the world safe

clearly isn't enough
of a fucking return!

Anyway. I promised I'd be back
before the full moon, so here I am.

Now then, I was thinking, perhaps I can rig
up some emergency lighting in the Archive?

It's all right.

Mr Tom said that I can change
in the cellar in his house.

I usually change there,
but I'll go to the woods.

I've done it hundreds of times.

(He's done it hundreds of times.)

Yes, but this can't be a
permanent arrangement, Bobby.

We agreed it wouldn't be safe, remember?

No, listen, I know you
love locking people up,

but I'm looking after Bobby now.

He's not an animal, he's a
nice guy. He's got potential.

You could do brilliant things, mate.

No, Bobby, please! Just
keep it inside you, man.

Mr Tom's going to teach me
mountaineering, swimming.

He's one of the country's
most sought-after lifeguards.

- Aren't you?
- Hello, Mr Rook.

- Crumb?!
- It's Ian, actually.

But you're... So Hal decided to...?

Not kill him. No.

Instead, Ian is working through
his issues and making a fresh start.

Oh yes, I've come a long way from
when you made me kill my niece!

As I told you at the time,
that was a tragic accident.

I thought seeing his family
would have a stabilising effect.

No, it's fine, it's fine!
That's all behind me.

I have developed coping strategies and
found positive outlets for my energies.

In fact, tonight I shall be
enjoying a meal with a young lady.

He means Alex. The ghost.

And Alan?

Irredeemable and remorseless.

He was about to go on a rampage,
but thankfully Ian... intervened.

Well that's... That's wonderful.

I must confess, I...

I never imagined that you and Bobby

would adapt to the
world quite so smoothly.

Clearly my work here,
as they say, is done.

You could work here! One of
the maid's has got impetigo.

You're very kind, but The
Ministry for Agriculture...

are looking for a junior researcher.

I suppose after running
an entire department

with an annual budget of ?100 million,

it could be considered a bit of
a backwards step, but needs must.

I shall bid you farewell.

I'd know that suit anywhere.

Yes, vampires they were.

They tied me in chains
and incanted spells.

Savages.

I thought I was done for. And then
there you were! The boys in grey.

No, I'd be burning in hell
if it wasn't for your lot.

You can imagine my shock when I
found one of them was working here?

And a werewolf too!

I wanted to get your lot
round here with a big net.

How did you know what they were?

The vampire's careless.

Stands in front of mirrors
then realises and runs away.

Someone points a camera at him

- and he nearly jumps out of the window.
- And the wolf?

Well that was a guess. He
disappears every full moon.

Turns up the next
morning, looking knackered.

Anyway, here you are. Which
one of them are you after?

Neither, I'm afraid. For one thing,
they seem to have rehabilitated.

Oh, you don't believe that, do you?

Doesn't matter what I believe.
My department has been dissolved.

No, no. This won't do at all.

I can only spend ?12.

Well, I can't actually eat,
so you just knock yourself out.

Oh. Excellent! Must be nice,
knowing you'll never get fat.

I know what you women are like.

Mind you, just as well,
no-one likes a fat girl.

And believe me, they are not all jolly.

Waiter.

Waiter!

How's it going?

Brilliant. Ian is fascinating.

Already covered loads of topics.

My 11 favourite cheeses...

Yeah, it's a riot. Of normality.

- Right. Ready to order?
- Question.

Does the "Pommes Anna"
come with "Frites"?

GCSE French. Exam and oral.

Ooh, la la.

- Actually "Pommes Anna" is
a potato dish... - Mm-hmm.

But let me ask Chef.

And for madam?

Oh, she's not eating.

- Oh?
- She's dead.

Yes. No, that's er, a fair point.

You see, I just forget sometimes.

But you know what? I never had lobster.

I think I'd have that.

Not for 28 quid, you wouldn't!

No, of course. It would
be a waste, wouldn't it?

Very prudent. Good!

There's a full moon tonight.

How many werewolves are
there in this country?

About 35 registered.

We estimate the same number
again unknown and at large.

All those monsters, out there right now.

It makes your blood run cold.

And with your department gone,
there'll be nothing to stop them.

It's only a matter of time

before one attacks, I don't know,
a party of Girl Guides out camping.

- And then they'll be begging you to return.
- I don't doubt it.

It'll be too late for the poor little
blighters with their faces ripped off.

If only the powers that be

could get a taste of the
chaos they're about to create.

I've tried something like that already.

Last month, I filmed a vampire
killing members of his own family.

I thought if the minister could
see what they were capable of...

What did he say?

"This is within allowable
parameters of carnage. "

How many does he want?!

Well that's a very interesting
question. How many does he want?

I'm not sure you can put a figure on it.

He clearly thinks you can.
Well, four? Ten? A dozen?

I don't know.

A major policy shift?

Ten, minimum.

But the point is...

That's the problem, isn't it?

You want to keep it to
a minimum, of course,

but you can't arrange
something like that.

You can't choose how
many people they savage.

You can't contain them in that way.

What is it, son?

Nothing, a stupid idea.

Well, I won't tell a soul.

Please, sanctity of the
confessional and all that.

The two werewolves here...

one is going to the woods.

The other, to his companion's cellar.

Ah. Yes, yes, yes, yes,
I see where you're going.

If he was not to make it...

No, no. The guests...

Widows and sales reps? It's
them or the Girl Guides.

Right, there's the keys. You want to
get going in the next ten to be safe.

- Good luck.
- Thanks, Tom.

Eurgh, flat. It tastes like piss.

Oh. I'll get you something else.

- We have a wide selection of bottled beers.
- Bottled beer?

Do I look like a Spaniard?
Change the barrel.

Oh, unless you've got
something better to do?

No, no, it's fine.

I can do this.

Tom said, "Like a clock, ready to rock.

"Like a clock, ready to rock.

"Like a clock, ready to rock... "

Yes! High five!

Hello?

Hello?!

Help! Please! Hello?

Hello! The door's shut on
me, you've got to let me out!

I've got to be somewhere very important!

Please! Please, open the door! Please!

Please! Please let me out! Please!

You've got to let me out of
here! Please! Please! Please!

So, if you want to repel an enemy horde,

or ward off a spell from an
evil warlock, what do you do?

Er, phone a friend, I don't know.

You use your amulet! It's
like you're not listening!

Can I get you anything else?

No, we are great! Tell me
more about Flaming Dork.

- Orc.
- Whatever.

Well, just call me if there is.

Yeah.

So, what's going on?

What?

Hal's just having a little
bit of a crisis of faith.

So I just want to prove to him

that people like us can still do
all the normal stuff we used to -

you know, like, go for
dinner, talk about nothing...

Right. No, that makes sense.

See, I thought you were
here because you liked me.

No, it's all right, it's
all just slotted into place.

Wait, I'm not explaining
this very well. Er...

You gave me a look earlier.

I've not been on many dates, but
they both gave me that same look.

Sort of, irritation and pity.

I thought, "You're being paranoid, Ian.

"You're one of the undead now.
Things must be different. "

No, Dead Hazel was right. Some
stuff follows you everywhere.

I didn't mean that. I just meant...

You don't even see me. You just see him.

You're not the one who's invisible!

Oh.

What shall we have for dessert?

I think I'll have profiteroles.

Why don't you? Go on.

Have some fucking profiteroles!

- Hello?
- What's the weather like where you are?

Bobby? Are you all right, mate?

Well, I managed to change a beer barrel,

but now I'm locked in the barrel room.

- It's OK though.
- What? - Isn't it?

No, Bobby! Someone will
hear you, they'll come down!

It's done.

Relax. It's for the greater good.

Three-card brag?

I'll just go and see what's going
on. Anyone got 50 pence for the meter?

Is that your stomach?

Oh my God.

Bobby? Bobby!

You're not hustling
me, are you, Captain?

Everyone stay calm. It's
just a stray from outside.

Come on, Bobby.

Everybody out!

Bobby! Bobby!

Bobby! Everybody out!

- Not you!
- What are you doing?

- Bobby! Bobby!
- Bobby! This way!

No Bobby, come to me.

He can smell that you're vampires.

- Lead him away from the humans, get
them safe. - Ground-floor west is empty.

I'm not staying here as bait!

Keep him between us and don't
let him see you're scared!

Bobby, this way!

- I can't, I can't!
- He's going to lead Bobby to the guests!

Crumb, don't let him get outside!

I got it.

Bobby, no! Bobby!

I think I've had an accident.

All in.

Let's do this.

Tom?!

Hal!

It's all gone wrong.

I should go and see what's happened.

It's them. You've got to
do something about them.

Hal and Tom. They'll ruin everything.

We'll never have the chaos
we need while they're around.

We should try a different approach.

You can't go back now!

You've unlocked the door,
you've made your choice.

You're damned already, boy.

Soaked in blood, you just don't know it.

Oh. I'm so sorry. Mr Rook, I
do apologise, please forgive me.

It's just maybe our only chance.
We haven't finished our game.

What did you have?

Ah, the Trinity. Very good.

Hard to beat.

But not impossible.

Do you think Tom'll be OK?

If he had the wherewithal to protect me,

we'll just have to hope
he can look after Bobby.

See? Totally normal.

Isn't this nice?

You do make a handsome couple.

Dude, seriously, shut up, all right?

If a human fancies another human,
then they send a flirty text.

So, is using and humiliating
someone else a supernatural thing?

Cos I'm still getting
to grips with it all!

You've got completely the wrong
idea about our relationship.

I feel frightened and humiliated
and it's making me thirsty.

I need to go home now!

Yeah, it was a burst
pipe, fused the circuits.

Until it's mended, the whole of
West Block is out of commission,

so move any guests to East Block.

No, no, no. Don't let anyone enter
West Block, do you understand?

OK, look, there's something I need to...

I'll be back in 20 minutes.

The blood-lust will spike
occasionally, it's perfectly normal.

Especially at times of stress.
Such as a werewolf attack.

I'll strap you in the chair
overnight, you'll be absolutely fine.

It's true then? You and Alex?

It doesn't matter what
we feel, the situation...

Look. Ian. It's been a long
night. We'll talk tomorrow.

Lead on, MacDuff.

Bobby!

Where are we?

Have they locked us up again?

No, it's all right,
mate. We're at the hotel.

Did we kill anyone?

No. But it was close. Look, I'm sorry.

I should have made sure you
were safely locked up at home.

You got here in the end.

Yeah, but I shouldn't have
had to. And it's not just that.

Erm, I might have exaggerated a bit
about some of the things I've done.

Like, I weren't engaged to Vanessa Mae

and I ain't got a Commonwealth
medal in the discus.

I just said it to impress you, like.

I thought as much.

You didn't need to though.

I thought you was brilliant
as soon as I met you.

Really?

Yeah. You had me at "Hotel
and Leisure Management".

Thanks, Bobby.

Ah. Thought I heard voices.
Should I come back in a minute?

Get off me, Bobby! Inside,
always keep it inside.

It's a fresh start.

I'm going to go to
night-school, get some O-levels.

I'm going to do a first aid course,

I'm going to learn a new language

and Tom says I can
stay here permanently.

Oh, and this was decided when, exactly?

Erm, I just thought it
would be a nice surprise.

It certainly is that.

Er, do me a favour, let me
know when you're telling Hal.

There is no way I'm missing that.

Speaking of Hal, actually,
should he not be back?

Oh, he must have got held up at home.

I'll go and check. We need
some new clothes anyway.

Cool, I'll come with you.

Right, Bobby, you're
in charge mate, yeah?

It's still early, so
just man the phones...

...and let the kitchen take
care of breakfast. Yeah?

Thanks.

I can do this.

Oi. Rin Tin Tin.

What kind of useless werewolf are you?

- You can't even...
- I'm sorry sir, I can't hear you.

Come closer.

Wakey, wakey, Lord Hal.

It's not like you need
the beauty sleep, is it?

Not nice, is it?

Waking up in here, not sure
whether you've been bummed or not.

What do you want?

I want you to feel helpless and alone.

All this time, you've been
trying to turn me into you.

Well, I want you to see
what my world is like.

I haven't been trying to
turn you into anything.

I just wanted to remind
you of the life you had,

the life you can have again.

Yeah, the life I had until you
turned me into a vampire, like you!

Crumb. Ian. You need to let me out.

That was a laugh, but then back you came

and said I had to be all
clean and tidy, like you.

Listen to me. I'm not feeling...

Crumb! He's coming! Let me out!

I'll never be like you!
I'll never look like you!

I'll never have the things
you had. I'll never have Alex!

You think I will? You
think I could ever allow...

...myself to love someone
ever again? I'm irredeemable!

I killed and destroyed everyone I
ever cared about. Crumb, let me out!

What are you do...? Hal?!

Crumb... Your face.

You thought you'd lost
your reflection, didn't you?

Well take a good look, boy. This is you.

This is us. We're not
cursed, we are the curse.

But you said... I can
have a life again...

He lied. You might get
10, 20 or even 50 years.

If you're lucky and
stupid enough to try.

But it won't last. It'll
find you. It always finds you.

He was here, wasn't he?

Every day he's getting
nearer, like a tidal wave.

It's not long now. He's
going to destroy everything.

Is that going to be me one day?

It's the waiting I can't stand.
The fight between good and bad.

I just want it to stop!

I bet you can relate to that.

So let's force fate's hand.

Let's cut to the last chapter.

Drink the werewolf blood and you
save yourself, save everyone else.

Drink the human blood and
you become that monster again.

For good and proper.

I half expected you to hit me then.

Why fight?

Exactly.

Dealer's choice.

- Cheers.
- Hal?

lechyd da.

What are you two doing down...?

Looks like I win.

What's going on?!

Hal, were you going to drink that?

I don't know.

I really don't know.

Bobby! Bobby?

He's in here, must be having a nap.

Thank you for doing this.
I'm sorry, I know it must...

My department is closed!

You don't know how many favours
I had to call in for this!

And to cover up that mess last night...

I think we're quits on favours.

I don't understand, he was so happy.

He was looking forward to
moving in and everything.

He was what?! Which
would have been great fun.

It's my fault, it was
the shock of last night.

I should've made sure
he'd got home safe.

This doesn't make sense.

Something must have happened.

- She made me feel things.
- What things? - Feelings.

Please, you must have leftover stock...

What's up with you tonight?

Every time I think I know who
you are, it turns out I'm wrong.

Usually because someone's dead!

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