Being Human (2008–2013): Season 1, Episode 5 - Where the Wild Things Are - full transcript
Disillusioned by his efforts to be human, Mitchell returns to the company of his fellow undead to help recruit new vampires from the terminal wards at the hospital. George lures Owen to the house where Annie tries to haunt him, but he scorns her efforts. Mitchell meets up with Josie, an ex-girlfriend who now has incurable cancer. She rejects his offer of immortality through vampirism as unnatural, and Mitchell himself is shocked to learn that several of the 'recruits' are unwilling victims. The three housemates invade the vampires' lair and are rescued by Lauren whom Mitchell finally dispatches out of pity. Back at the house Annie has her final revenge on Owen, driving him mad; but, just as the door appears for her to pass over, Herrick turns up.
Annie was killed by Owen.
We've been deluding ourselves
we could ever be accepted
by proper human beings.
We are monsters.
Everything Owen and I ever had
can go to ash.
They're only human? Then it's
our mistake wanting to be like them.
I'm in.
This programme contains
some strong language.
'We meet people and fall in love
'and when we part they leave marks
for us to remember them by.
'Our lovers sculpt us.
'They define us, for better or worse.
'Like a pinball, we slam into them
and rebound in a different direction,
'propelled by the contact.
'And after the parting,
we might be scarred.
'But stronger.
'Or more fragile,
'or needy, or angry,
'or guilty.
'It's never unchanged.
'Our lovers linger inside us
like ghosts...
'haunting the corridors
and deserted rooms.
'Sometimes whispering.
'Sometimes screaming.
'Invisible, but...
'always there.
'Waiting.'
More jam.
How many is that now?
That's...eleven jars.
I wonder what it is about us
that says "we need jam."
It's a gesture. They feel guilty.
Yeah, so was writing "paedo"
on the front door.
I'm going to haunt Owen. OK.
I think that's why I'm still here.
In fact I'm certain, and I thought
finding out what happened
would be it, but there's clearly
more to it because, well,
look, I haven't gone. Mmm.
Have you spoken to Mitchell?
Chance would be a fine thing.
I've barely seen him, have you?
Not since the other night, when...
well, since the accident.
Do you need any help?
Um...
..yeah.
Thanks, but I don't really know
what I'm going to do yet, but...
Right, well, can I just state
for the record, that I understand
why you're doing this,
but I don't want you to go.
Noted.
The door opens
and it's the hotel manager!
And he kind of stops.
I'm having a cigarette,
and Mitchell's face is like,
covered with blood, and there's
this dead girl lying on the bed.
Which reminds me,
she's coming by later.
So the manager is standing there,
staring at this scene
and then there's
this kind of silence.
And Mitchell says...
LAUGHS
"Ah, tomb service."
LAUGHTER
I can't tell you how delighted
I am to welcome Mitchell back.
These are exciting times,
my friends,
and I know I've said it before...
Look, they're rolling their eyes.
They know what I'm going to say.
But it's true!
Come on, say it with me.
No-one gets left behind!
Behind. Come here.
Er...
I just want to say thank you
for taking me back.
I've seen
what humanity is really like
and this is where I belong.
I'm home now.
Maybe you can explain something.
A funeral parlour?
This has been bothering me.
Aren't we skirting a little
close to a cliche here?
Well, there's a practical reason.
After they've died, the recruits,
this is where they're brought.
But there's more to it than that.
Our very existence is a union
of life and death.
Cemeteries, hospitals,
funeral parlours,
are all places where
the two worlds meet and overlap.
We feel at home here.
These are our churches.
Plus there's plenty of room
for storage.
It is so great to have you back.
Owen.
Owen!
Oh, is that it?
It's rubbish, isn't it?
What would Patrick Swayze do?
What do you mean?
Well, what effect
do you want to have?
Maybe it would help if we knew
what you wanted to achieve.
I want him to confess, I guess.
So tell him.
"Confess!"
Confess!
Put a bit of a hiss
on the end there - fessss!
Confessss!
Confesssss!
Yeah, that was nice. Throw in
some spooky stuff as well.
You know like, "I am...
"I am darkness! I am death!"
I am darkness!
I am death!
It's not like the films, is it?
We don't even know if he's
going to be able to see you.
Oh, he'll be able to see me.
Everything's different now.
I know what I'm supposed to do.
Well, maybe we're underestimating
what just that will do to him.
You know what I said about
making him confess.
It's not just that.
I want to scare him,
to make him...
cry and beg and scream.
It's not just about justice.
It's more jagged than that.
Is that wrong?
It's human.
Not everything about
being human is nice.
You know how this works.
Come in.
Ready to spread a little joy?
Duncan Johnson. 41 years old.
AIDS related Cytomegalovirus.
He's got about five weeks, tops.
What does he do?
He's an engineer.
Now, you know what I wanted to be?
An architect.
I had this little picture book
when I was a kid.
Spires and castles, cathedrals.
I'd kind of dream of them, you know.
And my own buildings too,
they're like...
coloured blocks,
scattered across a mountainside.
I still dream about
that picture book.
And now there's this.
This...chose me.
Herrick. Don't frighten him.
He hasn't come to terms with
what's happening to him yet.
He's angry and scared and...
he doesn't want to die.
Who does?
Mr Johnson?
Please don't be alarmed.
Forgive me if I dispense
with the niceties.
no-one more than you knows
that time is of the essence.
Now, my name is William Herrick.
And I have a proposition for you...
Yeah, it just stopped
working again. Uh-huh.
Yeah, I'm turning it now.
No, not even a rattle.
Could you? That would be great.
Um, six...seven?
Yeah, well, if I'm not here,
then just let yourself in. Lovely.
OK, yep, see you then.
It's done.
Owen's coming.
Black coffee.
No sugar, just a splash
of cold water from the tap.
Hello, Josie.
My God. Is it really you?
You haven't changed.
Neither have you.
Liar.
What are you doing here?
I live here. I work here. You?
Oh, we moved here
when my husband retired.
You're married.
Oh, he died. Five years ago.
Oh, I'm sorry.
What about you? No.
Just me. As ever.
All alone. No, I have a house
I share with some friends.
Are they...?
They're not vampires,
they're something else.
We came here to Bristol,
one weekend, do you remember?
The Clifton Hotel.
Mr and Mrs McCartney.
It was the sixties.
Beatlemania. It was the
first thing I could think of.
I stole my mother's wedding ring.
We only left the hotel was to buy
more cigarettes and chocolate.
Sorry, we need to talk.
All right, George.
This is Josie. George is one
of the people I talked about.
Oh, right, hi.
Yeah, hi. Josie and I dated
for a while.
In the sixties.
It's fine.
She knows about us, it's cool.
Right, er, yes...
Right...um...
What do you want to talk about?
Er...we can talk later.
That was mean.
What? Why?
Mitchell. You just outed him.
So why are you here? Are you sick?
Lung cancer.
Can they...? No.
Look at you.
Frozen...like a photograph.
George!
Why, why bother?
Hello, you.
I hope you're not going to take that
out of their deposit. Annie?
Not any more.
I am darkness.
I am death,
vengeance and fury.
Fire and blood.
Diamonds and bones.
Sapphire and...
steel.
Confess, Owen!
Confessssss!
Textbook.
Hey, Annie.
That the best you've got?
I knew it, I fucking knew it!
All that stuff happening at my house.
I thought it was just...
guilt.
You see, I should have known
that even death wouldn't be
a match for one of your sulks.
I mean, that's what this is,
isn't it?
It's the Isle of Wight
all over again. A sulk?
You killed me!
So what are you then, a ghost?
How does this work?
What? Come on, spit it out!
Quiet as the grave.
Well...
I think we're done here,
don't you?
I should charge rent for three.
See you.
What's everyone doing?
Well, Sorenson has just farted,
so all the men
are high-fiving each other.
It's like dinner
with the Kennedys up there.
Everyone looking after you?
They won't leave me alone.
I can't even take a piss
without someone saying,
"Hey, mind if I tag along?"
Yeah, and I bet that was Seth.
What can I say, we're just
thrilled to have you back.
Anything?
No, it could be a while yet.
Hmm, yeah,
take a break. Go and sit with
the guys from MENSA upstairs.
No, there needs to be
someone here when he wakes up.
The things he'll have seen
in-between.
I was wondering...
If you're recruiting people,
making offers,
could you talk to somebody I know?
Sure. Who?
Ah, she's just an old friend.
She's at the hospital. She's ill.
What does she do?
Mmm, I'm not sure, she was
a dance teacher when I knew her.
Not exactly a key worker.
But what the hell.
Come the revolution,
we'll all need to know how to dance.
Great.
Thank you.
You shouldn't do that.
Let them take someone
you care about.
Why not?
They might become cruel.
It changes you, this life.
It didn't change me.
It did.
It just took longer.
What's going on, Lauren?
I thought you were happy.
How could I not be happy?
They're catering to my every need.
It's OK, it's all right.
Men. There were men there. I know,
it's OK, you're safe now,
you're home now.
He didn't freak out...at all?
It does make sense really
when you think about it,
we were expecting him to react like
a sane person, even though this is
someone who killed his fiance,
concealed it and then rented out
the crime scene.
So what do we do now?
I'll have to see Janey, I guess.
I'll go while he's at work.
Owen's girlfriend? Otherwise
she'll be next, won't she?
Hello, stranger.
Hey, you're back late.
Yeah. I had a...
stuff at the, er...
It was a mad day.
Any of these a coffee?
Oh...um, that one, that one maybe.
So, um...I've decided
to haunt Owen.
Cool.
Yeah, I wanted to talk it through
with you first, but...
anyway, he saw me today,
but he didn't react as I expected.
So now I think
I'll have to see Janey.
Sounds like a plan.
Where have you been?
Work. I told you. Not all the time.
I've been busy. You're back
with them, aren't you?
It's different now.
Oh, Mitchell. Are you killing again?
It's voluntary. No-one's being
forced to do anything.
We're giving people hope.
Well, now I've heard everything.
But you've always said that getting
the house was to be part of humanity
so that you could retreat
from what you are.
Humanity? Most of humanity
still point at planes...
The way you two talk about them.
How charming they are, how benign.
Like they're Howard from
the fucking Halifax.
They are stupid and thuggish
and cruel
and we will never be like them,
and thank God for that.
They are the monsters.
I just can't believe it's taken me
this long to work it out.
'It's a lot to take in, I know,
it's about being another option.'
If I agreed...
what would happen?
Would I get better? Instantly.
And not just you, everyone!
Places like this would be museums!
It'll end all famine, all war.
Oh, please, please, stop the spin.
I don't know who you are
when you talk like this.
But I wouldn't...
I'd be like this.
I wouldn't be young. No. You'd be...
Frozen, like a photograph?
With you?
Forever.
I'm sorry.
It's OK, it's OK, it was the same
for me at the start.
No, no, that was different.
Being human means being mortal.
It means dying.
You can't rob people of that.
No-one's being robbed,
don't you see? It's a choice.
It's a trick! Christ, Mitchell,
just because they're handing
themselves over voluntarily,
it doesn't stop it being a con.
You're offering something
you have no right to.
Of course people want eternal life.
People want capital punishment,
that doesn't make it right.
It's evolution.
Never a birth, never a death?
That's not evolution,
that's a full stop!
Getting him to approach me,
was that really your idea?
The Mitchell I knew
would never have dreamed...
I wanted to save you.
No. I don't think it was that.
These people you live with,
your friends,
do they know about this?
I think that's why you asked him
to talk to me.
Because you knew I'd tell you this.
LOUD MUSIC PLAYS
# So if you're lonely
# You know I'm here waiting for you
# I'm just a cross-hair
# I'm just a shot away from you
And if you leave here... #
DOOR CLOSES
Janey. It's me.
No, no, no, no, don't!
Great, so YOU freak out!
Hiya.
Aaaaaaargh!
Janey! No! Janey!
Janey, I'm not going to hurt you.
You took my shoes off.
Oh, my God,
why did you take my shoes off?
You fainted. That's what you do
when people faint. You did it
to keep me here!
You did it so I couldn't get away!
Look, if I wanted to keep you here
I would have chopped your feet off.
Oh, no!
Look, I'm not going to
chop your feet off!
But you're dead.
You died.
You fell down the stairs
and cracked your head open.
That's not what happened.
Owen said. Owen...
..killed me.
That's not true.
It's why I'm still here.
I can't let it go.
I needed to warn you...
because...
next it'll be you.
You're lying. He loves me.
If you tell me that he has never
laid a finger on you,
never, not even for a second
made you feel scared,
then I'll walk away right now.
Sometimes he gets...
What?
No. You need to say it.
No!
I'm going mad, that's all.
It's like what happened
to my Aunty Linda.
She kept seeing the Bronte Sisters
in her en-suite.
Owen!
Owen! Owen!
What's wrong?
I'm going mad, I'm going mad.
What are you talking about?
I'm seeing things! It's Annie.
She's here, Owen, she was
going to chop my feet off!
OK, that's totally out of context.
I can't see anything.
Don't listen to him, Janey.
He's lying, he's looking at me.
It's still talking,
it's got her voice.
Sweetheart. I swear to you,
I can't see a thing. Can't you?
Don't listen to him, Janey.
Listen to me, you saw me,
you spoke to me.
Oh, God, make it stop.
What's it been saying, baby?
What do you think it's been saying?
It said...you killed her.
Did it now?
You know what I think this is?
A delayed reaction.
How do you mean? You see I think
that you're feeling guilty
because of what we were
doing when she was alive.
Because of the affair.
Yeah.
All the emails and texts.
That time at your work.
In the Lexus.
Our engagement party.
Our engagement party? But how?
In the disabled toilets.
You see, I think this is all
just a reaction to that.
And you know something?
You see now, Annie,
she would love this.
She was always so bitter.
All her life, bitter towards people
that were cleverer than her.
People that did something.
She would stand at the side
and snipe and bitch,
never participate,
never risk.
So she lived her life
in the periphery.
Like a ghost.
So you don't think I'm going mad?
No, baby.
I think that this is a testament
to just how wonderful
and caring a person you are.
And you really can't see anything?
Come on.
You know what?
I really can't.
The doctor will be over in a minute.
Hello, my boyfriend.
Hello, my girlfriend.
Couple of things, my boyfriend:
Lucy Willis, the thrombosis patient.
She's going to tag along
with the porters whenever they take
anyone to physio or x-ray cos,
well, it's the only way we can get
the bloody woman to do any exercise.
Gotcha.
Second thing:
the results are in and it turns
out that you have a smashing arse.
I see. Well, in that case, can I
point out that you have two
amazing... I need to talk to you.
Erm... Yes...
Look. I don't know what Mitchell
said to you about... Shut up.
Right you are.
Mitchell's in trouble. What?
He introduced me to another vampire.
To recruit me.
To make me one of them.
The vampires are mobilizing.
Oh, they're making it sound all
New Labour, but this is an invasion.
It's a coup. And the first thing
they're doing is recruiting on
a bigger scale than ever before.
They're talking to people who
are dying. Mitchell's part of this?
He's how they're getting in.
Oh, Christ!
Well, what do we do now? Your thing.
Can I ask, is it anything...?
Useful? No...no...my thing is
a part-time thing. Oh, right.
I thought perhaps you were a...
wizard, or something. A wizard?
Oh, God, that's ridiculous.
Once you've dated a vampire,
you tend to have a different
criteria for what's ridiculous. OK.
I need to go home. I need to...
How many people are they
planning to recruit? How...
how bad is this?
He said it.
The man. He said...
.."No-one gets left behind."
Hiya.
You know what I don't get?
Why Bristol?
Why not London, or Manchester?
What's all that about? Well, the
first vampire settled here in 1630.
Richard Turner. We never got round
to getting our shit somewhere else.
The first vampire lived here?
The first to have a double life.
He ran for Parliament, he was
a slave-trader, killed maybe,
I don't know, a thousand people.
Eugh! No-one ever knew.
Has nobody told you this stuff?
All the best stories are
about you, Mitchell.
Everyone else is like,
"I got this tramp in a doorway."
But with you, all they ever talk
about is when Mitchell
did those twins,
Mitchell got that soldier,
I mean... I need to talk to Herrick.
You want me to ring you through?
I want you to get out of my way.
We should do this more often.
Mitchell's here.
Hello?
You didn't give her long enough.
The last one, I told him, she'd just
come back for Christ's sake.
What are you doing here?
Look, please.
There has to be an order to this.
That's why Michael died
and Daisy got so sick.
What are you talking about? We keep
quiet. We eat when you say.
But there are too many of you now.
No-one has time to recover.
Are they...feeding from you?
Don't do this. Please.
How long have you been here? Weeks.
There were other people's
clothes when we got in here.
There were toys under the bed.
We WERE going to tell you.
But, like so much in life,
it all comes down to timing.
Annie, Annie, Annie,
we've got to rescue Mitchell.
The thing with the vampires, oh,
my God, it's a lot worse
than we thought.
There's this woman at the hospital,
she's f... No, I'll, er...
I'll tell you on the way.
They're... They're...based
at an undertakers.
Stereotypes clearly
hold no fear for these people.
I have no idea what I'm looking for.
Something, something to defend myself
with, but so far I have a whisk and
I have my mobile phone recharger.
So that's...that's..
I mean, what do we take?
Do we take crosses and garlic?
I know, we should have watched more
films! We should... You should have
answered me.
Anytime you want to chip in,
say something constructive,
do feel free(!)
I can't.
I'm sorry, what did you say?
It's beaten me.
I can't move. I can't...
Owen's won. I can't touch him.
He just keeps on killing me.
OK, first off,
you need to stop talking.
Then you need to stand up and help.
You don't understand. No.
Mitchell, our friend, needs you.
Your friend. So if you can't do
this, then you have done to yourself
the one thing Owen could never do.
Because then you HAVE finally died.
Are you sure this is
the vampire headquarters?
Good afternoon, I'm so sorry,
I'm afraid we're closed
for business at the moment,
but I do have a number
of a... Oh, my God.
What do you want? Well, either
you have the world's worst customer
service or we're in the right place.
We want to see Mitchell.
Are you out of your mind?
Piss off before I call the others.
Can we leave a message, then?
What the cock is that? I'm a ghost,
actually. Get out!
Can you, like, move things about
and walk from one room to another?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure
everyone can do that...
Shut it, Digby. The only reason
why I haven't torn
your bastard face off yet
is cos I've just done
the hoovering in here.
Mm-hm. OK, I'm going to get Mitchell.
That's it.
I'm gonna call my boys in, we're
gonna have some fun with you. Annie!
A bit of help here? Sorenson!
Bell!
Good move(!)
I wanna hear you bark, little dog.
Did you just hit me with a chair?
Yes! Sorry.
What is wrong with you people?
That totally fucking hurt! For
Christ's sake, Annie, hit him again!
Hit him again?
Hit him again! AGAIN!
We're gonna do this Old School.
Again, Annie! Again!
That was pathetic. We were
like the world's gayest ninjas.
What? I don't get it. I hit him
with a chair and nothing,
and you punch him with your
girly arm and he's knocked out.
I think my Star of David weakened
him. Mitchell sees it all the time.
He looks after it when I transform,
why doesn't it affect him? Oh, God.
I feel sick.
I think that was
my first actual fight.
Yeah, well...
You'd better get used to it.
This is our life now.
How's your hand? It really hurts.
It's really...
I think I've bruised... No.
..the bone.
Those people in that room,
who are they? Oh, kinda runaways
mostly.
You said it was going to be
voluntary. This whole thing. That
didn't look very voluntary to me!
How did you think this
was going to be done?
You know, with "please" and
"thank you", "may I be so bold?"
Evolution has casualties.
You know the Romans, you know
they devoured almost every
inch of the entire world,
giving us irrigation, medicine
and democracy.
The Ottoman Empire conquered three
continents, giving us education,
a judicial system.
Now do you think that all of that
was achieved without dropping
a single ounce of blood?
This is the natural churn
of history, Mitchell.
We're not good or bad, we're just
what happens next. The people
in that room, how do they fit in?
Well, they're a kind of dry run.
A theory.
But you haven't recruited them.
I never said I wanted
a 100% conversion.
There'll always be a portion
of humanity kept alive, kept pure.
Why? We've got to eat.
And that's what it comes down to.
Historical precedents. Slogans.
It's smoke and mirrors.
You just want to feed.
You just want to kill.
But it feels so nice.
I can't do this.
I'm sorry, Mitchell.
You can't just hop in and out
as the mood grabs you, you know.
You can't just dip your toe.
It sends a message.
You understand, don't you?
We'll be kind.
And my friends?
You mean the dog?
There's another one.
A ghost.
What about if, erm...
..when it happens...
..I promise it'll be me,
not...not Seth, no.
Not, not anyone like him.
So how do we do this?
Well, we can do it right here.
Have a drink, choose a chair,
break a leg and sharpen it.
Do me a favour.
Afterwards, don't talk about me
the way you do.
Don't tell each other those
stories about the things I did.
That's not
how I want to be remembered.
I never had you down as vain.
I just don't want to be
an inspiration like that.
Better to be forgotten than that.
Shall we?
Who wants some of my chair?! Totally
should have prepared something...
Run!
Run!
I went ahead
to check the coast was clear.
And is it? Very much not. What, did
anyone see you? Erm.. possibly.
Shit. This way.
Annie? No, I'm here.
Come here, mate.
Annie! Get away from here.
No, I'm not going to leave you.
Annie, just go!
That won't work, Digby. There's too
many of us. Let them go Seth!
If you let him go
and I swear I won't run!
Ow?
Well, he won't be staring at my tits
when he speaks to me any more.
Let's go.
Let's go. Let's go, come on. Come on!
Go, go, go, go.
This way, this way!
Come on!
Where are we even going?
I don't know.
We'll find somewhere. Come on.
There's nowhere.
No, it's fine, really, we can hide.
I can't hide from me, though.
What are you talking about? You
can't go back. Mitchell, come on!
You brought me into this world.
- Wait, wait...
- I want you to take me out of it.
No.
No way. Absolutely not.
Please. Lauren.
You saw the people in that room.
Come on, Mitchell!
I go down there. Don't do this.
No, George, wait.
Their faces. Oh, God, sometimes they
didn't even fight.
What are you doing?
Why didn't you tell me? Because
you would have stopped me,
and I liked it too much.
Mitchell!
Oh, Lauren, please don't
make me do this.
You have to. The me I used to be,
the me that got hay fever
and was scared her parents
would find out she smoked,
she's almost gone.
Soon all that's going
to be left is her.
Oh, Lauren, I can't. There isn't
time. But you saved us.
So save me.
Somebody needs to stop him, Mitchell.
He wants to tear everything down.
Here it comes.
Oh, my!
CRACKING
Thank you.
Not for the tea.
Well, if I'd known it was
going to be so Andy McNabb,
I might not have bothered.
I'm sorry about Lauren.
Hi, honey, I'm home!
I got your message.
So...
The gang's all here.
What are they, your backing singers?
Oh, fuck.
You're not ghosts as well, are you?
I knew
I should have got references...
Can I ask you something?
Is the point of all this
to make me feel guilty?
Is that what we're doing here?
Because it won't work.
Because here's the thing they never
tell you.
You see to kill someone...
..and get away with it...
..you're bullet-proof.
You're a god.
There's a question you haven't
asked yourself yet. If I exist,
what else does?
You think you're the big bad wolf,
you should see George
on a full moon.
You think you're
a cold-blooded murderer...
..Mitchell was killing eighty years
before you were even born.
Don't you get it yet?
I'm just the tip of the iceberg.
I'm Good Cop.
Look at you. So pleased with
your grubby little murder.
The fact is, when it comes to
pure, naked evil, you're an amateur.
I want you to know you've
wandered off the path.
This is where the wild things are,
and we've got your scent now.
We can find you
at the edge of the earth
and create unimaginable tortures,
and now I'm going to tell you
the very worst thing in the world,
something only the dead know.
That's not true.
I saw it. My advice to you?
Find a safe place with locks
and bad dogs,
and never ever turn out the light.
I think I'm going to go
and put the kettle on.
What did you say to him?
I told him a secret.
'So what happens now?'
To me?
I thought there'd be fireworks.
I thought...the clouds would part.
I thought there'd be Elvis.
We just wait, I suppose. Wait?
And do what?
Well, the Real Hustle's on at 8.30.
Is it?
If it's a question of closure,
well, what constitutes closure?
Owen turning himself in?
Doing himself in?
Yes, sir. What can I do for you?
I need you to keep me safe. OK.
Have you been threatened by someone?
I killed my girlfriend.
And now she lives
with what I think is a werewolf
and a vampire
and they're going to torture me.
So I need to find somewhere safe.
I see.
Well, in that case we're going to
need a different form.
Annie, those things you said to Owen,
what happened?
I have never seen
you like that before.
Yeah, it's funny what overcoming
a whole army of vampires
does to your confidence.
I'll see yous later.
Er...guys...
Oh, my God, it's here.
So that's it?
That's death?
Do I...do I pack?
No. I mean, I don't think so.
I think you just go as you are.
What is it?
On the other side, is it something
good, or something else?
Probably something else.
Then...then why are you going?
It doesn't make sense! Stay. Please.
Just, just stay.
If you don't know what's there,
why the hell are you going? Because
it's an end.
I should say goodbye now, then.
Will you be all right?
Yeah, I'll look after him.
You hated me.
I didn't. Oh, you did. A bit.
Don't kill anyone.
Good tip.
Write that down.
So... So...
Yes.
I'll be off, then.
Oh, this is ridiculous!
You're lucky. Most people don't
get a chance to say goodbye.
I know but...fucking hell!
You might want to have
different last words.
George. When I open it,
don't look inside. OK.
Oh, it's cold.
Aggh! There's someone at the door.
It's all right, it's all right.
It's the other door! What?!
It's the front door!
Oh, my bloody God! I actually let
out a little bit of wee there.
Of all the times, there's someone at
the door now? Maybe they'll go away.
Oh, this is absurd.
We can't do this with somebody at
the door. Oh, no!
Ask me in!
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Ask me in!
Oh, no!
Mitchell, tell me what to do.
Do we take the stake out?
George he's dying. You need to go.
What? We don't know how long the
portal will be here.
Annie, this
might be your only chance,
Just go. But he's dying!
George! I'll get him to the
hospital. I can deal with this.
Ambulance, please.
Annie...go...
Annie, just go!
What do you believe?
That it's time to grow up.
I am the beginning,
this land is ours
and we have all the time
in the world.
transcript:chocolate
sync:innuit
We've been deluding ourselves
we could ever be accepted
by proper human beings.
We are monsters.
Everything Owen and I ever had
can go to ash.
They're only human? Then it's
our mistake wanting to be like them.
I'm in.
This programme contains
some strong language.
'We meet people and fall in love
'and when we part they leave marks
for us to remember them by.
'Our lovers sculpt us.
'They define us, for better or worse.
'Like a pinball, we slam into them
and rebound in a different direction,
'propelled by the contact.
'And after the parting,
we might be scarred.
'But stronger.
'Or more fragile,
'or needy, or angry,
'or guilty.
'It's never unchanged.
'Our lovers linger inside us
like ghosts...
'haunting the corridors
and deserted rooms.
'Sometimes whispering.
'Sometimes screaming.
'Invisible, but...
'always there.
'Waiting.'
More jam.
How many is that now?
That's...eleven jars.
I wonder what it is about us
that says "we need jam."
It's a gesture. They feel guilty.
Yeah, so was writing "paedo"
on the front door.
I'm going to haunt Owen. OK.
I think that's why I'm still here.
In fact I'm certain, and I thought
finding out what happened
would be it, but there's clearly
more to it because, well,
look, I haven't gone. Mmm.
Have you spoken to Mitchell?
Chance would be a fine thing.
I've barely seen him, have you?
Not since the other night, when...
well, since the accident.
Do you need any help?
Um...
..yeah.
Thanks, but I don't really know
what I'm going to do yet, but...
Right, well, can I just state
for the record, that I understand
why you're doing this,
but I don't want you to go.
Noted.
The door opens
and it's the hotel manager!
And he kind of stops.
I'm having a cigarette,
and Mitchell's face is like,
covered with blood, and there's
this dead girl lying on the bed.
Which reminds me,
she's coming by later.
So the manager is standing there,
staring at this scene
and then there's
this kind of silence.
And Mitchell says...
LAUGHS
"Ah, tomb service."
LAUGHTER
I can't tell you how delighted
I am to welcome Mitchell back.
These are exciting times,
my friends,
and I know I've said it before...
Look, they're rolling their eyes.
They know what I'm going to say.
But it's true!
Come on, say it with me.
No-one gets left behind!
Behind. Come here.
Er...
I just want to say thank you
for taking me back.
I've seen
what humanity is really like
and this is where I belong.
I'm home now.
Maybe you can explain something.
A funeral parlour?
This has been bothering me.
Aren't we skirting a little
close to a cliche here?
Well, there's a practical reason.
After they've died, the recruits,
this is where they're brought.
But there's more to it than that.
Our very existence is a union
of life and death.
Cemeteries, hospitals,
funeral parlours,
are all places where
the two worlds meet and overlap.
We feel at home here.
These are our churches.
Plus there's plenty of room
for storage.
It is so great to have you back.
Owen.
Owen!
Oh, is that it?
It's rubbish, isn't it?
What would Patrick Swayze do?
What do you mean?
Well, what effect
do you want to have?
Maybe it would help if we knew
what you wanted to achieve.
I want him to confess, I guess.
So tell him.
"Confess!"
Confess!
Put a bit of a hiss
on the end there - fessss!
Confessss!
Confesssss!
Yeah, that was nice. Throw in
some spooky stuff as well.
You know like, "I am...
"I am darkness! I am death!"
I am darkness!
I am death!
It's not like the films, is it?
We don't even know if he's
going to be able to see you.
Oh, he'll be able to see me.
Everything's different now.
I know what I'm supposed to do.
Well, maybe we're underestimating
what just that will do to him.
You know what I said about
making him confess.
It's not just that.
I want to scare him,
to make him...
cry and beg and scream.
It's not just about justice.
It's more jagged than that.
Is that wrong?
It's human.
Not everything about
being human is nice.
You know how this works.
Come in.
Ready to spread a little joy?
Duncan Johnson. 41 years old.
AIDS related Cytomegalovirus.
He's got about five weeks, tops.
What does he do?
He's an engineer.
Now, you know what I wanted to be?
An architect.
I had this little picture book
when I was a kid.
Spires and castles, cathedrals.
I'd kind of dream of them, you know.
And my own buildings too,
they're like...
coloured blocks,
scattered across a mountainside.
I still dream about
that picture book.
And now there's this.
This...chose me.
Herrick. Don't frighten him.
He hasn't come to terms with
what's happening to him yet.
He's angry and scared and...
he doesn't want to die.
Who does?
Mr Johnson?
Please don't be alarmed.
Forgive me if I dispense
with the niceties.
no-one more than you knows
that time is of the essence.
Now, my name is William Herrick.
And I have a proposition for you...
Yeah, it just stopped
working again. Uh-huh.
Yeah, I'm turning it now.
No, not even a rattle.
Could you? That would be great.
Um, six...seven?
Yeah, well, if I'm not here,
then just let yourself in. Lovely.
OK, yep, see you then.
It's done.
Owen's coming.
Black coffee.
No sugar, just a splash
of cold water from the tap.
Hello, Josie.
My God. Is it really you?
You haven't changed.
Neither have you.
Liar.
What are you doing here?
I live here. I work here. You?
Oh, we moved here
when my husband retired.
You're married.
Oh, he died. Five years ago.
Oh, I'm sorry.
What about you? No.
Just me. As ever.
All alone. No, I have a house
I share with some friends.
Are they...?
They're not vampires,
they're something else.
We came here to Bristol,
one weekend, do you remember?
The Clifton Hotel.
Mr and Mrs McCartney.
It was the sixties.
Beatlemania. It was the
first thing I could think of.
I stole my mother's wedding ring.
We only left the hotel was to buy
more cigarettes and chocolate.
Sorry, we need to talk.
All right, George.
This is Josie. George is one
of the people I talked about.
Oh, right, hi.
Yeah, hi. Josie and I dated
for a while.
In the sixties.
It's fine.
She knows about us, it's cool.
Right, er, yes...
Right...um...
What do you want to talk about?
Er...we can talk later.
That was mean.
What? Why?
Mitchell. You just outed him.
So why are you here? Are you sick?
Lung cancer.
Can they...? No.
Look at you.
Frozen...like a photograph.
George!
Why, why bother?
Hello, you.
I hope you're not going to take that
out of their deposit. Annie?
Not any more.
I am darkness.
I am death,
vengeance and fury.
Fire and blood.
Diamonds and bones.
Sapphire and...
steel.
Confess, Owen!
Confessssss!
Textbook.
Hey, Annie.
That the best you've got?
I knew it, I fucking knew it!
All that stuff happening at my house.
I thought it was just...
guilt.
You see, I should have known
that even death wouldn't be
a match for one of your sulks.
I mean, that's what this is,
isn't it?
It's the Isle of Wight
all over again. A sulk?
You killed me!
So what are you then, a ghost?
How does this work?
What? Come on, spit it out!
Quiet as the grave.
Well...
I think we're done here,
don't you?
I should charge rent for three.
See you.
What's everyone doing?
Well, Sorenson has just farted,
so all the men
are high-fiving each other.
It's like dinner
with the Kennedys up there.
Everyone looking after you?
They won't leave me alone.
I can't even take a piss
without someone saying,
"Hey, mind if I tag along?"
Yeah, and I bet that was Seth.
What can I say, we're just
thrilled to have you back.
Anything?
No, it could be a while yet.
Hmm, yeah,
take a break. Go and sit with
the guys from MENSA upstairs.
No, there needs to be
someone here when he wakes up.
The things he'll have seen
in-between.
I was wondering...
If you're recruiting people,
making offers,
could you talk to somebody I know?
Sure. Who?
Ah, she's just an old friend.
She's at the hospital. She's ill.
What does she do?
Mmm, I'm not sure, she was
a dance teacher when I knew her.
Not exactly a key worker.
But what the hell.
Come the revolution,
we'll all need to know how to dance.
Great.
Thank you.
You shouldn't do that.
Let them take someone
you care about.
Why not?
They might become cruel.
It changes you, this life.
It didn't change me.
It did.
It just took longer.
What's going on, Lauren?
I thought you were happy.
How could I not be happy?
They're catering to my every need.
It's OK, it's all right.
Men. There were men there. I know,
it's OK, you're safe now,
you're home now.
He didn't freak out...at all?
It does make sense really
when you think about it,
we were expecting him to react like
a sane person, even though this is
someone who killed his fiance,
concealed it and then rented out
the crime scene.
So what do we do now?
I'll have to see Janey, I guess.
I'll go while he's at work.
Owen's girlfriend? Otherwise
she'll be next, won't she?
Hello, stranger.
Hey, you're back late.
Yeah. I had a...
stuff at the, er...
It was a mad day.
Any of these a coffee?
Oh...um, that one, that one maybe.
So, um...I've decided
to haunt Owen.
Cool.
Yeah, I wanted to talk it through
with you first, but...
anyway, he saw me today,
but he didn't react as I expected.
So now I think
I'll have to see Janey.
Sounds like a plan.
Where have you been?
Work. I told you. Not all the time.
I've been busy. You're back
with them, aren't you?
It's different now.
Oh, Mitchell. Are you killing again?
It's voluntary. No-one's being
forced to do anything.
We're giving people hope.
Well, now I've heard everything.
But you've always said that getting
the house was to be part of humanity
so that you could retreat
from what you are.
Humanity? Most of humanity
still point at planes...
The way you two talk about them.
How charming they are, how benign.
Like they're Howard from
the fucking Halifax.
They are stupid and thuggish
and cruel
and we will never be like them,
and thank God for that.
They are the monsters.
I just can't believe it's taken me
this long to work it out.
'It's a lot to take in, I know,
it's about being another option.'
If I agreed...
what would happen?
Would I get better? Instantly.
And not just you, everyone!
Places like this would be museums!
It'll end all famine, all war.
Oh, please, please, stop the spin.
I don't know who you are
when you talk like this.
But I wouldn't...
I'd be like this.
I wouldn't be young. No. You'd be...
Frozen, like a photograph?
With you?
Forever.
I'm sorry.
It's OK, it's OK, it was the same
for me at the start.
No, no, that was different.
Being human means being mortal.
It means dying.
You can't rob people of that.
No-one's being robbed,
don't you see? It's a choice.
It's a trick! Christ, Mitchell,
just because they're handing
themselves over voluntarily,
it doesn't stop it being a con.
You're offering something
you have no right to.
Of course people want eternal life.
People want capital punishment,
that doesn't make it right.
It's evolution.
Never a birth, never a death?
That's not evolution,
that's a full stop!
Getting him to approach me,
was that really your idea?
The Mitchell I knew
would never have dreamed...
I wanted to save you.
No. I don't think it was that.
These people you live with,
your friends,
do they know about this?
I think that's why you asked him
to talk to me.
Because you knew I'd tell you this.
LOUD MUSIC PLAYS
# So if you're lonely
# You know I'm here waiting for you
# I'm just a cross-hair
# I'm just a shot away from you
And if you leave here... #
DOOR CLOSES
Janey. It's me.
No, no, no, no, don't!
Great, so YOU freak out!
Hiya.
Aaaaaaargh!
Janey! No! Janey!
Janey, I'm not going to hurt you.
You took my shoes off.
Oh, my God,
why did you take my shoes off?
You fainted. That's what you do
when people faint. You did it
to keep me here!
You did it so I couldn't get away!
Look, if I wanted to keep you here
I would have chopped your feet off.
Oh, no!
Look, I'm not going to
chop your feet off!
But you're dead.
You died.
You fell down the stairs
and cracked your head open.
That's not what happened.
Owen said. Owen...
..killed me.
That's not true.
It's why I'm still here.
I can't let it go.
I needed to warn you...
because...
next it'll be you.
You're lying. He loves me.
If you tell me that he has never
laid a finger on you,
never, not even for a second
made you feel scared,
then I'll walk away right now.
Sometimes he gets...
What?
No. You need to say it.
No!
I'm going mad, that's all.
It's like what happened
to my Aunty Linda.
She kept seeing the Bronte Sisters
in her en-suite.
Owen!
Owen! Owen!
What's wrong?
I'm going mad, I'm going mad.
What are you talking about?
I'm seeing things! It's Annie.
She's here, Owen, she was
going to chop my feet off!
OK, that's totally out of context.
I can't see anything.
Don't listen to him, Janey.
He's lying, he's looking at me.
It's still talking,
it's got her voice.
Sweetheart. I swear to you,
I can't see a thing. Can't you?
Don't listen to him, Janey.
Listen to me, you saw me,
you spoke to me.
Oh, God, make it stop.
What's it been saying, baby?
What do you think it's been saying?
It said...you killed her.
Did it now?
You know what I think this is?
A delayed reaction.
How do you mean? You see I think
that you're feeling guilty
because of what we were
doing when she was alive.
Because of the affair.
Yeah.
All the emails and texts.
That time at your work.
In the Lexus.
Our engagement party.
Our engagement party? But how?
In the disabled toilets.
You see, I think this is all
just a reaction to that.
And you know something?
You see now, Annie,
she would love this.
She was always so bitter.
All her life, bitter towards people
that were cleverer than her.
People that did something.
She would stand at the side
and snipe and bitch,
never participate,
never risk.
So she lived her life
in the periphery.
Like a ghost.
So you don't think I'm going mad?
No, baby.
I think that this is a testament
to just how wonderful
and caring a person you are.
And you really can't see anything?
Come on.
You know what?
I really can't.
The doctor will be over in a minute.
Hello, my boyfriend.
Hello, my girlfriend.
Couple of things, my boyfriend:
Lucy Willis, the thrombosis patient.
She's going to tag along
with the porters whenever they take
anyone to physio or x-ray cos,
well, it's the only way we can get
the bloody woman to do any exercise.
Gotcha.
Second thing:
the results are in and it turns
out that you have a smashing arse.
I see. Well, in that case, can I
point out that you have two
amazing... I need to talk to you.
Erm... Yes...
Look. I don't know what Mitchell
said to you about... Shut up.
Right you are.
Mitchell's in trouble. What?
He introduced me to another vampire.
To recruit me.
To make me one of them.
The vampires are mobilizing.
Oh, they're making it sound all
New Labour, but this is an invasion.
It's a coup. And the first thing
they're doing is recruiting on
a bigger scale than ever before.
They're talking to people who
are dying. Mitchell's part of this?
He's how they're getting in.
Oh, Christ!
Well, what do we do now? Your thing.
Can I ask, is it anything...?
Useful? No...no...my thing is
a part-time thing. Oh, right.
I thought perhaps you were a...
wizard, or something. A wizard?
Oh, God, that's ridiculous.
Once you've dated a vampire,
you tend to have a different
criteria for what's ridiculous. OK.
I need to go home. I need to...
How many people are they
planning to recruit? How...
how bad is this?
He said it.
The man. He said...
.."No-one gets left behind."
Hiya.
You know what I don't get?
Why Bristol?
Why not London, or Manchester?
What's all that about? Well, the
first vampire settled here in 1630.
Richard Turner. We never got round
to getting our shit somewhere else.
The first vampire lived here?
The first to have a double life.
He ran for Parliament, he was
a slave-trader, killed maybe,
I don't know, a thousand people.
Eugh! No-one ever knew.
Has nobody told you this stuff?
All the best stories are
about you, Mitchell.
Everyone else is like,
"I got this tramp in a doorway."
But with you, all they ever talk
about is when Mitchell
did those twins,
Mitchell got that soldier,
I mean... I need to talk to Herrick.
You want me to ring you through?
I want you to get out of my way.
We should do this more often.
Mitchell's here.
Hello?
You didn't give her long enough.
The last one, I told him, she'd just
come back for Christ's sake.
What are you doing here?
Look, please.
There has to be an order to this.
That's why Michael died
and Daisy got so sick.
What are you talking about? We keep
quiet. We eat when you say.
But there are too many of you now.
No-one has time to recover.
Are they...feeding from you?
Don't do this. Please.
How long have you been here? Weeks.
There were other people's
clothes when we got in here.
There were toys under the bed.
We WERE going to tell you.
But, like so much in life,
it all comes down to timing.
Annie, Annie, Annie,
we've got to rescue Mitchell.
The thing with the vampires, oh,
my God, it's a lot worse
than we thought.
There's this woman at the hospital,
she's f... No, I'll, er...
I'll tell you on the way.
They're... They're...based
at an undertakers.
Stereotypes clearly
hold no fear for these people.
I have no idea what I'm looking for.
Something, something to defend myself
with, but so far I have a whisk and
I have my mobile phone recharger.
So that's...that's..
I mean, what do we take?
Do we take crosses and garlic?
I know, we should have watched more
films! We should... You should have
answered me.
Anytime you want to chip in,
say something constructive,
do feel free(!)
I can't.
I'm sorry, what did you say?
It's beaten me.
I can't move. I can't...
Owen's won. I can't touch him.
He just keeps on killing me.
OK, first off,
you need to stop talking.
Then you need to stand up and help.
You don't understand. No.
Mitchell, our friend, needs you.
Your friend. So if you can't do
this, then you have done to yourself
the one thing Owen could never do.
Because then you HAVE finally died.
Are you sure this is
the vampire headquarters?
Good afternoon, I'm so sorry,
I'm afraid we're closed
for business at the moment,
but I do have a number
of a... Oh, my God.
What do you want? Well, either
you have the world's worst customer
service or we're in the right place.
We want to see Mitchell.
Are you out of your mind?
Piss off before I call the others.
Can we leave a message, then?
What the cock is that? I'm a ghost,
actually. Get out!
Can you, like, move things about
and walk from one room to another?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure
everyone can do that...
Shut it, Digby. The only reason
why I haven't torn
your bastard face off yet
is cos I've just done
the hoovering in here.
Mm-hm. OK, I'm going to get Mitchell.
That's it.
I'm gonna call my boys in, we're
gonna have some fun with you. Annie!
A bit of help here? Sorenson!
Bell!
Good move(!)
I wanna hear you bark, little dog.
Did you just hit me with a chair?
Yes! Sorry.
What is wrong with you people?
That totally fucking hurt! For
Christ's sake, Annie, hit him again!
Hit him again?
Hit him again! AGAIN!
We're gonna do this Old School.
Again, Annie! Again!
That was pathetic. We were
like the world's gayest ninjas.
What? I don't get it. I hit him
with a chair and nothing,
and you punch him with your
girly arm and he's knocked out.
I think my Star of David weakened
him. Mitchell sees it all the time.
He looks after it when I transform,
why doesn't it affect him? Oh, God.
I feel sick.
I think that was
my first actual fight.
Yeah, well...
You'd better get used to it.
This is our life now.
How's your hand? It really hurts.
It's really...
I think I've bruised... No.
..the bone.
Those people in that room,
who are they? Oh, kinda runaways
mostly.
You said it was going to be
voluntary. This whole thing. That
didn't look very voluntary to me!
How did you think this
was going to be done?
You know, with "please" and
"thank you", "may I be so bold?"
Evolution has casualties.
You know the Romans, you know
they devoured almost every
inch of the entire world,
giving us irrigation, medicine
and democracy.
The Ottoman Empire conquered three
continents, giving us education,
a judicial system.
Now do you think that all of that
was achieved without dropping
a single ounce of blood?
This is the natural churn
of history, Mitchell.
We're not good or bad, we're just
what happens next. The people
in that room, how do they fit in?
Well, they're a kind of dry run.
A theory.
But you haven't recruited them.
I never said I wanted
a 100% conversion.
There'll always be a portion
of humanity kept alive, kept pure.
Why? We've got to eat.
And that's what it comes down to.
Historical precedents. Slogans.
It's smoke and mirrors.
You just want to feed.
You just want to kill.
But it feels so nice.
I can't do this.
I'm sorry, Mitchell.
You can't just hop in and out
as the mood grabs you, you know.
You can't just dip your toe.
It sends a message.
You understand, don't you?
We'll be kind.
And my friends?
You mean the dog?
There's another one.
A ghost.
What about if, erm...
..when it happens...
..I promise it'll be me,
not...not Seth, no.
Not, not anyone like him.
So how do we do this?
Well, we can do it right here.
Have a drink, choose a chair,
break a leg and sharpen it.
Do me a favour.
Afterwards, don't talk about me
the way you do.
Don't tell each other those
stories about the things I did.
That's not
how I want to be remembered.
I never had you down as vain.
I just don't want to be
an inspiration like that.
Better to be forgotten than that.
Shall we?
Who wants some of my chair?! Totally
should have prepared something...
Run!
Run!
I went ahead
to check the coast was clear.
And is it? Very much not. What, did
anyone see you? Erm.. possibly.
Shit. This way.
Annie? No, I'm here.
Come here, mate.
Annie! Get away from here.
No, I'm not going to leave you.
Annie, just go!
That won't work, Digby. There's too
many of us. Let them go Seth!
If you let him go
and I swear I won't run!
Ow?
Well, he won't be staring at my tits
when he speaks to me any more.
Let's go.
Let's go. Let's go, come on. Come on!
Go, go, go, go.
This way, this way!
Come on!
Where are we even going?
I don't know.
We'll find somewhere. Come on.
There's nowhere.
No, it's fine, really, we can hide.
I can't hide from me, though.
What are you talking about? You
can't go back. Mitchell, come on!
You brought me into this world.
- Wait, wait...
- I want you to take me out of it.
No.
No way. Absolutely not.
Please. Lauren.
You saw the people in that room.
Come on, Mitchell!
I go down there. Don't do this.
No, George, wait.
Their faces. Oh, God, sometimes they
didn't even fight.
What are you doing?
Why didn't you tell me? Because
you would have stopped me,
and I liked it too much.
Mitchell!
Oh, Lauren, please don't
make me do this.
You have to. The me I used to be,
the me that got hay fever
and was scared her parents
would find out she smoked,
she's almost gone.
Soon all that's going
to be left is her.
Oh, Lauren, I can't. There isn't
time. But you saved us.
So save me.
Somebody needs to stop him, Mitchell.
He wants to tear everything down.
Here it comes.
Oh, my!
CRACKING
Thank you.
Not for the tea.
Well, if I'd known it was
going to be so Andy McNabb,
I might not have bothered.
I'm sorry about Lauren.
Hi, honey, I'm home!
I got your message.
So...
The gang's all here.
What are they, your backing singers?
Oh, fuck.
You're not ghosts as well, are you?
I knew
I should have got references...
Can I ask you something?
Is the point of all this
to make me feel guilty?
Is that what we're doing here?
Because it won't work.
Because here's the thing they never
tell you.
You see to kill someone...
..and get away with it...
..you're bullet-proof.
You're a god.
There's a question you haven't
asked yourself yet. If I exist,
what else does?
You think you're the big bad wolf,
you should see George
on a full moon.
You think you're
a cold-blooded murderer...
..Mitchell was killing eighty years
before you were even born.
Don't you get it yet?
I'm just the tip of the iceberg.
I'm Good Cop.
Look at you. So pleased with
your grubby little murder.
The fact is, when it comes to
pure, naked evil, you're an amateur.
I want you to know you've
wandered off the path.
This is where the wild things are,
and we've got your scent now.
We can find you
at the edge of the earth
and create unimaginable tortures,
and now I'm going to tell you
the very worst thing in the world,
something only the dead know.
That's not true.
I saw it. My advice to you?
Find a safe place with locks
and bad dogs,
and never ever turn out the light.
I think I'm going to go
and put the kettle on.
What did you say to him?
I told him a secret.
'So what happens now?'
To me?
I thought there'd be fireworks.
I thought...the clouds would part.
I thought there'd be Elvis.
We just wait, I suppose. Wait?
And do what?
Well, the Real Hustle's on at 8.30.
Is it?
If it's a question of closure,
well, what constitutes closure?
Owen turning himself in?
Doing himself in?
Yes, sir. What can I do for you?
I need you to keep me safe. OK.
Have you been threatened by someone?
I killed my girlfriend.
And now she lives
with what I think is a werewolf
and a vampire
and they're going to torture me.
So I need to find somewhere safe.
I see.
Well, in that case we're going to
need a different form.
Annie, those things you said to Owen,
what happened?
I have never seen
you like that before.
Yeah, it's funny what overcoming
a whole army of vampires
does to your confidence.
I'll see yous later.
Er...guys...
Oh, my God, it's here.
So that's it?
That's death?
Do I...do I pack?
No. I mean, I don't think so.
I think you just go as you are.
What is it?
On the other side, is it something
good, or something else?
Probably something else.
Then...then why are you going?
It doesn't make sense! Stay. Please.
Just, just stay.
If you don't know what's there,
why the hell are you going? Because
it's an end.
I should say goodbye now, then.
Will you be all right?
Yeah, I'll look after him.
You hated me.
I didn't. Oh, you did. A bit.
Don't kill anyone.
Good tip.
Write that down.
So... So...
Yes.
I'll be off, then.
Oh, this is ridiculous!
You're lucky. Most people don't
get a chance to say goodbye.
I know but...fucking hell!
You might want to have
different last words.
George. When I open it,
don't look inside. OK.
Oh, it's cold.
Aggh! There's someone at the door.
It's all right, it's all right.
It's the other door! What?!
It's the front door!
Oh, my bloody God! I actually let
out a little bit of wee there.
Of all the times, there's someone at
the door now? Maybe they'll go away.
Oh, this is absurd.
We can't do this with somebody at
the door. Oh, no!
Ask me in!
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Ask me in!
Oh, no!
Mitchell, tell me what to do.
Do we take the stake out?
George he's dying. You need to go.
What? We don't know how long the
portal will be here.
Annie, this
might be your only chance,
Just go. But he's dying!
George! I'll get him to the
hospital. I can deal with this.
Ambulance, please.
Annie...go...
Annie, just go!
What do you believe?
That it's time to grow up.
I am the beginning,
this land is ours
and we have all the time
in the world.
transcript:chocolate
sync:innuit