Being Erica (2009–2011): Season 3, Episode 1 - The Rabbit Hole - full transcript
Having just broken up with Ethan and officially now without a job, Erica is moving onto the next phase of her life as a currently single woman who is entering into a new business venture - 50/50 Press - with Julianne with neither partner having much capital to go into this venture. But as Erica moves onto this new phase in life, which was encouraged by her sessions with Dr. Tom, she also moves onto the next phase of her therapy. This second phase entails a form of group therapy with Dr. Tom's other patients - Adam, Camilla, Darryl and Rebecca - of whose existence Erica had no idea prior to meeting them. This group therapy includes supporting and critiquing the others in their processes, which sometimes entails going back in time with them to deal with whatever their issues. As Erica wants to jump into this phase head on despite feeling somewhat unprepared to do so, Dr. Tom sends Erica back with Adam - who seems to be the most critical of the four of Erica herself - to Adam's regret of not being with his mother when she died. But Erica's unfamiliarity with Adam's complete past makes her feel uncomfortable and angry in this situation in more ways than one, which mirrors what she's feeling with everything that is now going on with her life and her new group therapy sessions. Back with 50/50 Press, Erica needs to clear the air with Julianne, with who she has not always been on equal footing. A run-in Erica and Julianne have with Brent at a work function has its own consequences with regard to 50/50 Press' viability. And behind the scenes, Erica is unaware that there is some in-fighting amongst the therapists about Erica's current progression.
Previously on "Being Erica":
My brand of therapy
is not traditional.
But I will say is this,
whatever it is
that you are unhappy about,
I can fix it.
You think
I'm supposed to accept
that I'm just like what,
time travelling?
Because this...
This can't be for real.
I mean, every time
I try to step
outside of the box
a little,
it's like you keep trying
to push me in.
You will pack up your desks
and be out before lunch.
Both of you.
Let's start a company,
together.
Maybe...
This is the universe's way
of giving us a push.
Erica, you made a commitment
and I'm here to help you
honour it.
You're done you're list
or your therapy.
I have no job,
no boyfriend...
And how does that feel?
It feels scary...
But strangely okay.
Everything that
you've taught me,
it's made me braver
somehow.
It's time, Erica.
Choose a door.
♪ All this feels strange
and untrue ♪
♪ and I won't waste a minute ♪
♪ without you ♪
♪ my bones ache,
my skin feels cold ♪
♪ and I'm getting so tired
and so old ♪
♪ tell me
that you'll open your eyes ♪
♪ tell me
that you'll open your eyes ♪
That's usually my seat,
but go ahead,
sit there if you'd like.
No worries.
I'm Rebecca.
Oh. Um, hi.
Rebecca, hello again.
You must be Erica?
I'm Darryl.
Hi, Darryl.
Camilla.
Welcome.
It's a pleasure.
Uh, have a seat.
Adam.
How's it going?
Uh... it's going.
Except for the fact
that I don't exactly know
where I am or wh
Yeah, I remember that feeling.
Well, to answer
your questions-
You're here because you're
ready to start "phase two."
Do you always
have to do that?
What? What did I do?
You beat me
to the punchline.
So, this is a support group?
Yeah, that's one way
of putting it.
It's more than that,
but support is part of it.
Here's the thing, Erica.
We learn from each other,
because we've all been through
the same thing with Dr. Tom.
I'm, I'm sorry.
Dr. Tom?
Yeah.
We're all patients of his.
He didn't tell you?
Well, he is a doctor
and I mean,
of course
he has other patients.
That just...
That goes without saying.
So you said that
this is phase two.
And how many phases
are there?
Dr. Tom:
Three.
And the third phase,
it's what exactly?
You really have no clue?
You become a doctor,
Erica.
That's phase three.
♪ Being Erica 3x01 ♪
The Rabbit Hole
Original air date on September 21, 2010
♪ it's clearer inside of me
who I will always be ♪
♪ open me up to my heart ♪
♪ feels like I'm seeing
in the dark ♪
♪ waking me up to my heart ♪
♪ to do it all over ♪
♪ again and again ♪
♪ until the end ♪
♪ the sum of my dreams ♪
♪ and everything
I ever wanted to be ♪
I become a doctor?
Well, let's not get ahead
of ourselves.
No one here is becoming
a doctor anytime soon.
This is the next phase
of your journey
as a patient.
We do though, you know,
we do get to "practice"
on each other,
instead of torturing
real patients.
Okay.
Have you ever heard of man
named Irvin Yalom, Erica?
He wrote
a very influential text.
On time travel therapy?
On group therapeutic
practices.
And he recognized
the following:
Empathy -
learning about yourself
through the experiences
of others;
universality...
Coles notes, Camilla.
Please.
In a nutshell,
the group is a force
that pushes you further;
that takes you places
you might not go one-on-one.
What she means is,
we're five bullshit detectors.
We don't have to be all calm
and professional like Dr. Tom.
We say it how it is.
Dr. Tom:
Erica, why don't you, uh...
Stand up.
Just right up there
in the middle,
and tell us all
where you're at.
Okay. I'm...
I'm from Toronto,
and I'm single.
I'm recently single,
I just broke up
with my boyfriend.
Dr. Tom: Erica.
It was a really...
Dr. Tom:
No, no, I meant...
Why don't you tell us
what you're feeling,
right now.
Oh, okay.
Well, I'm feeling, um...
Overwhelmed, obviously,
but in a good way.
'Cause I feel ready
to start phase two.
Doc, can I say something
on that?
Yeah.
You say you're excited?
Yeah.
I don't believe it.
'Cause actually you look
upset and defensive.
And check out your arms,
they're all closed up.
You look like
you're hiding something.
Well, I'm not hiding anything.
I'm fine.
I'm just...
A little bit nervous,
maybe.
But that's normal
given the circumstances.
Ah nerves, sure, yeah.
But that's not what I mean.
It's like you're telling us
what you think we want to hear.
Oh and is that
your "bullshit detector"?
'Cause it really
just feels to me
like you're picking on me.
I'm not, Erica.
And I'm not judging you
either.
I'm just asking you
to be honest.
And why would I lie?
Well being
a hundred percent honest
in a room full of strangers
is really hard.
I don't really know
what you want me to say.
Well, this is a lot
to digest.
Let's, uh...
Call it a day.
Thank you, everyone.
So... Erica,
is there anything that
you wanted to ask me?
I mean,
about any of this?
No.
No, I'm good.
And hey, if I have
any questions,
there's four other people
that I can ask, right?
So...
Okay.
Ivan, let me explain it to you
in a way
you might understand.
More tables means
more customers.
Yes, David, but we're going
for intimate here, right?
Not cavernous and cheap
and...
No.
Oh yes.
No. We're not replacing
the bar.
Paying customer here,
waiting to drink a latte.
Sorry. Some people don't
understand the concept
of "if it ain't broke,
don't fix it."
And if it wasn't broke,
it wouldn't have been for sale,
Hmm?
Whoa!
What is going on here?
Well, it looks like
"Fraggle Rock,"
but sounds like
"Queer as Folk."
Hi, Erica.
The usual?
Are vanilla lattes
still on the menu?
If Ivan hasn't taken them off,
then yeah.
I heard that, David,
I was born with ears.
Bionic ears.
Hey, Dave.
Sorry, but who's Ivan?
My partner -
in life,
and now in business.
We just bought the place.
I may be the junior partner,
but I still have a say
in what goes on around here.
I heard that too.
Dave likes men?!
Men, they like Dave?
Yes, chicken,
that's how "gay" works.
Anyhoo, happy first day
of our new business.
Yay us!
Really?
Yes.
Hey.
Okay.
Now,
before Seth arrives,
I wanted to go over
a few "deets."
In here you will find
our Articles of Incorporation,
an attack plan, .
Wowzer, that's a...
That's a lot of money.
I don't mind shouldering
a little bit more
of the burden at first-
no way. No way.
Partners means equals,
which means I will...
I will figure out a way
to come up with my half.
Well, you've done
a lot of work here.
Well, I have been
in the "biz"
since I was 19,
so I have a lot of contacts
and, more importantly,
lots of ideas.
Here.
We're gonna get the ball
rolling tonight,
at the A.G.O.
They're holding
a little shindig
for the Festival of Authors.
Great!
And you know what?
I have some thoughts
of my own.
Whoo!
It's a compass.
Starting with
a detailed analysis
of the top book stores
in the country.
Now, I think that
the goal should be
to publish
"The Purple Door"
and get it into chapters.
No it's not, chicken.
Not anymore.
Now there's the Kindle,
the e-reader,
the... ipad!
E-publishing.
It's the future of reading.
Great. And I absolutely
think that e-publishing
should be a part
of our business plan.
Uh, but what about books?
You know, real, solid,
curl up on the couch with,
take to the beach...?
Yeah, books cost money.
They have to be barcoded,
warehoused, shipped...
Mucho dinero
that we do not have.
Get it?
Yeah, yeah.
Totally.
Oh, and here he comes
our first author right now.
Seth! I am so happy
you could make it
on such short notice.
Yeah, of course.
Talking about my book,
for real?
This is wicked.
Hey, Erica.
Hello, you.
Muah. Muah.
Now, before we get started,
have a seat.
I just wanted to start
by saying
that we are so stoked
for our plans
for your manuscript.
"The Purple Door."
And I heart the name.
I heart .
Thank you.
So anyways, Seth,
we were, uh-
Tell me-
oh. You go ahead,
Erica.
Um, we were just thinking
um...
You know what, Julianne,
go ahead.
Okay, so tell me,
what do you know
about e-books?
E-books?
Are you kidding me?
I download everything I read.
They're fantastic!
And that's what
i'm talking about.
E-books put the "e"
in future
and the future is now.
♪ O-o-o-o-oh ♪
♪ she's fantastic ♪
Okay. Game plan.
We need to control
the message here.
Smile, stand tall,
and if anyone asks,
we just lay it out.
Wee the new kids
on the block.
New kids without an office.
Julianne Giacomelli:
Ah, but we do have a couple
of "hot properties"
we're planning on optioning.
We spin, Erica.
Right. Spin.
Got it.
Just don't name names,
keep everything very general.
Okay, wait.
Is that Lesley Kalajian?
Where?
Over there.
Katie's Agent.
Yeah. I'm gonna go
chat her up.
Why don't you grab drinks
and then join us?
This is so exciting,
right?
Hey!
Hi!
You guys met at Jim's party,
right?
Is that how you guys met?
Yes.
At what book review
was that?
Thank you.
Erica Strange.
Brent.
It's good to see you.
I've been meaning
to give you a ding-a-ling.
No you haven't.
You look tired,
my friend.
Well, I'm not tired
and I'm not your friend.
Oh and Julianne is?
The woman who abused you,
manipulated you,
and ended up
getting you fired?
Whatever helps you sleep
at night.
Look,
I'm not saying I've been perfect
in all of this.
Brent makes mistakes,
okay?
And what happened to you...
What happened to you
was my biggest.
Let me talk to Galvin
and see if I can convince him
to give you your job back
now that things
have settled.
Brent, I don't want
my job back.
'Cause we have started
our own publishing company.
Oh, Erica.
"We've started"?
What are you,
Julianne's assistant?
No, I'm her partner.
We're, we're equals.
Equals.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
She does the shmoozing
and you fetch the vino.
Or the lattes.
Stand and smile
while she talks a blue streak.
You know what, Brent?
I wouldn't take
the job back
even if you begged me to.
Oh, oh, and by the way,
do you remember that manuscript
by Seth Newman?
The one that you,
with your great taste,
passed on?
Well, it's ours.
And it's gonna be
our first title
and it's gonna be huge.
And I am the one
that found it,
which goes to show
how much Julianne trusts m
as her new partner.
So, I don't need your help
or your pity,
because I'm, I'm...
I'm doing just fine.
Uh!
Hello, Erica.
Here.
Let me get these for you.
Hi.
Dr. Tom:
So, why don't you tell us
what just happened.
Well, a former colleague of mine
was being an idiot,
so I, basically,
I told him to shove it.
Can I sit down?
How did you feel
when you did that?
Ugh... why do keep
asking me that?
How do I feel?
How do you feel?
Well, I feel like
I want this
to be about someone else.
You're doing it again.
I'm doing what?
Avoiding the truth.
Censoring yourself
and holding back.
Now, I
really uncomfortable.
Why are you rushing her?
I'm not!
We learn by doing, right?
So why don't we just let her
do something?
Yes, thank you!
Do something.
'Cause you know what?
Anything is better
than this.
I don't think
that's what Adam meant.
So is this it?
Is this group
just sitting around,
you know,
talking about my feelings?
I mean what about
the regrets?
What about my list?
What about time travel?
Is there any of that?
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, you'll still
go back in time -
sometimes alone,
but sometimes in pairs
or groups,
depending on
what the journey calls for.
That's the way it works
in group, Erica.
We work together,
we push each other.
Help each other,
without taking over.
Way more challenging
than it sounds.
Well, let's do this.
I'm up for a challenge.
Look at you
chomping at the bit.
Adam, shut up.
What? If she's ready
to jump right in,
then why not let her?
And since you're in favour,
I'm assuming
that you won't mind
being Erica's partner
on this?
Whatever I can do to help.
Dr. Tom:
Well, how 'bout, um...
May 21st, 2002.
What does that date signify?
It's, uh...
It's the day my mom died
and my regret
is that she died alone.
My dad and her
were divorced,
my younger brother John
was in jail
and I... I was, uh...
I was on the job...
This was back when
i was working for hastings
and he needed me that night,
so I went.
I knew it was wrong,
but...
You don't say "no"
to hastings.
And when I got back later
that night,
there was a message
on my phone.
My mom had died.
So if I could go back,
I'd uh...
You know,
I'd be there with her.
Okay.
Erica?
Yeah?
You ready?
Uh, wait.
Do I get some direction?
I mean how do I know
what to do?
Well, you said you wanted
to do something, right?
Jump right in.
Just make sure
that you land on your feet.
You gotta run, Erica.
Run! Come on!
Ah!
Run?
Run from what?
That.
Stop, police!
Oh my God!
Oh my God!
C-13.
Send a car out to ontario
and queen.
In pursuit of white male,
20s,
headed east
with a white female.
Stop! Police!
♪ I get, I get ♪
♪ what I own ♪
♪ don't let, don't let ♪
♪ aaaaahhh ♪
♪ gotta get outta the way! ♪
♪ no time for me to stay ♪
♪ everyone in the world
don't affect you ♪
Ahhhh!
Okay, this way.
Come on! Come on!
Okay, right!
Right! Right! Right!
Whaaaaa!
You okay?
Yeah, I think so.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay, so what do we do now?
Where do we go?
Away from here.
Come on.
So why are the cops
chasing you?
It's not important.
Look, I know that
I'm new at this,
and it is your past,
but if I'm supposed
to be helping you,
you gotta keep me
in the loop here, Adam.
Those are watches.
Yeah, rolex,
three tag's,
a couple of movado's.
You stole those?
What do you think?
Yeah, I stole them.
So what are you?
A thief?
I was an enforcer
for a loan shark.
An enforcer.
And that mns that you...
Beat up people
or took their shit
if they couldn't pay.
In this case,
I believe I did both.
Well,
you should return them.
Are you panicking?
Is this - being here -
too much for you?
What?! No. Why?
Because take these back?
Really?
Well, they're not yours.
And just what,
walk back in the store
and say, "oh, sorry,
I kicked the shit out of you,
but here you go.
Have them back.
No hard feelings"?
Are you always like this?
Or is this just how you make
the new people feel welcome.
We're running from the cops.
What do you want?
Look, I'm not used
to being dropped
into the middle
of a Tarantino film, okay?
This is new to me.
I get it, okay?
But let's stay focused
on why we're here.
Right. I know.
We're here for your mother.
So, we should go
to the hospital.
We gotta make a pit stop,
first.
A pit stop? Why?
Because I gotta drop these off.
I'm just trying
to be helpful.
Yeah, you can be helpful
by waiting here.
Well, how long
are you gonna be?
Not long.
Pretty good.
Any problems?
Nothing major.
Good.
Because I have another job.
Actually, I need to take
the rest of the day off.
What for?
My mom's dying.
Your mom's dying
and you're here?
Like this is more important?
There's no shame
in admitting you're broken up.
So, go.
Be with her.
Come back when you're ready.
Thank you.
Rock, meth, smack...
I got it,
you want it?
No.
Uh, no, thank you.
Come on, baby,
I'll give it to you cheap.
You hook me up,
I'll hook you up.
Dr. Tom:
She said she's not interested.
Who are you? Shaft?
All right,
I'll leave this bitch for you.
Bitch? Excuse me?
Was that really necessary?
What?
The gun?
Ah.
And I didn't need
to be rescued.
I could've handled that
on my own.
I'm sure you could have.
I just came by
to see how it was working.
Fine.
Just fine?
I don't know
what you want me to say.
We just started,
we haven't even gotten
to the hospital yet, so...
Well, if it's going ne,
then why do you sound
so upset?
Okay, I admit that I don't talk
to drug dealers every day.
But saying goodbye
to a dying relative?
That's something
I've been through before.
So, I can do this.
This isn't a test, Erica.
I realize that.
I'm just saying that
I know that I can help Adam
with this regret,
if he would just hurry up
already.
Erica!
Is that guy
botherin' you?
No, no.
Nothing I can't handle.
Let's go.
Can I help you?
Yeah, I'm looking
for Joyce Fitzpatrick.
Room 403.
Thanks.
You okay?
Do you want a coffee
or something?
Oh here,
let me get it.
No, really.
Really, I need to stretch
my legs anyway.
Okay, sure.
Yeah, I'll have coffee.
Just black, please.
And if she wakes up,
i'll come and get you.
Bennifer?
Yeah,
like that's gonna last.
Heo?
Joyce.
Um...
Who are you?
I'm... I'm just, I'm...
I'm gonna go get Adam,
okay?
And I'll be right back.
Okay?
I'll just be one moment.
Nurse and Adam:
Take care of that,
then go put a line in
on Mrs. Boyd.
And when you're done that
maybe you can do his ironing,
walk his dog,
do his groceries.
Adam?
Your mother's awake.
Right.
Here's your coffee.
Great.
Did you wanna come in?
We got time,
you know, until...
No, it's okay.
I'll just...
I'll wait out here.
Okay.
How long have you been here?
Couple of hours.
You were asleep.
That's what I do a lot
these days -
sleep.
Who was that
pretty girl
who was in here
when I woke up?
It was Erica...
She's a friend.
Friend?
Yeah, a friend.
Ma, what're you doing?
I want to look at you.
Can I get you anything?
A can of ginger ale
or...
I'm so glad you're here,
Adam.
I didn't think
i'd see you again before...
I'll just get you
that can ginger ale, okay?
Hey.
Everything okay?
No, everything's not okay,
Erica.
Jesus Christ!
What do you think?
I shouldn't have
come here.
Um... Adam,
I know how hard this is.
Do you?
I do, actually.
You just have to trust me.
But here's the thing.
You're mother?
She's in that room
and you, you have this
incredible opportunity-
would you just stop?
I'm here so I can
be with her,
not so I can "fix"
our relationship.
I mean,
I lost my brother.
He died way too young
and losing him,
it hurt so much.
She's dying of heart failure.
She's old.
It's not the same.
Wait, you're not listening
to me.
Because when Leo died,
I did everything I could
to avoid facing the pain,
just like you are.
Oh, is that what I'm doing,
is it?
I'm avoiding the pain?
Yes. I mean,
you're out here,
you're flirting
with nurses,
you're delivering
stolen watches...
You're doing everything
you can to do
to avoid being
in that room with her-
so now you're Dr. Tom?
No.
So what,
you got some quote for me?
You think you're an expert
after one session.
I'm trying to help you
and you won't let me.
Then maybe you should
just go.
Adam.
No, I'm serious, Erica.
I don't need this bullshit
from you.
Not today.
Just get outta here.
Go.
Just go!
So clearly,
i did that wrong.
But what I'm not sure of
is how you expect me
to know how to do this.
Erica,
you asked to be thrown in.
Fine. You threw me in
and I failed.
Is that what you
want me to say?
That I don't deserve
to be here? So...
Is that how you feel?
I don't kn what I feel.
I don't think that's true.
My first time in group,
I vomited.
- Wow.
- I remember at.
You were so scared.
I came in so guarded,
so unwilling to show the group
the whole truth.
Ugh... fine.
I feel... frustrated
and a bit overwhelmed.
What else?
Nothing else.
What?
Why are you looking at me
like that?
You need to let yourself
feel all of it,
whatever it is.
I just did.
All of it, Erica.
I don't know what you want.
Okay?
Don't close up.
Stay with it,
whatever you're feeling
right now.
Maybe I don't wanna feel
whatever it is
that I'm feeling, okay?!
Ah, you know, Erica,
that may be true,
but you know that ignoring it
is not gonna make it go away.
I feel angry...
With you.
Why?
Because you...
You did this.
You came into my life
And you made me trust you,
and then I find out
that I'm not the only one.
I don't wanna do this
and I don't wanna say this.
I told you that...
That...
I told you
that I was ready
and that I wouldn't let fear
hold me back anymore...
And now all I can feel
is this horrible fear.
Like...
Like...
That I can't run a company,
and that I can't be alone,
and that I can't...
I can't do this
without you.
And I'm sorry,
but...
I'm not ready to be here.
Erica.
I'm not.
Erica, don't you see?
You are ready.
You just proved that.
How? By... by bawling
and saying
how stupid I feel?
No, by facing it.
By admitting it,
you know, out loud,
to us.
To yourself.
Okay.
So, now that I've said
what I feel,
how does that,
how does that help me?
Well, I think the question
is rather,
how is that gonna help
Adam?
I told you to go.
I know.
And I'm sorry
about before.
I handled everything badly.
Can I sit?
Dr. Friendly, 2744.
Dr. Friendly.
I feel like...
Like I don't know
how to help you.
Like I'm just...
I'm way out of my league.
It's death.
No one knows
how to deal with it.
Before, when I first
walked into group,
you said something to me...
About how hard it is
to be honest
with what you're
really feeling.
Erica...
And...
And I know that losing
someone you love,
it's awful,
it's incredibly hard, but...
Is that all
that's going on here?
Because I don't think
that it is.
I'm not gonna judge you,
Adam.
I hate her.
She was an awful mother,
and you're just...
Not supposed to say that.
Why was she awful?
My dad beat the shit
out of us
and she let it happen.
You know, stood by;
didn't stop him.
And the reason I worked
the night she died
was so that I wouldn't
have to be here
and pretend to care.
'Cause I don't.
I really don't.
If you don't care, Adam,
then why are you here?
Why is this a regret?
♪
♪
♪
Drinks sound great.
I have some authors
I would love for you to meet.
Fabu! Well, I'm gonna
go find Erica
and then we'll text you
and um...
We'll figure something out.
Okay? Thanks.
Julianne.
What a coinkidink.
I'm sorry,
I'm looking for someone.
No time to chat.
If by "someone"
you mean Erica,
I think I saw her
on a coffee break
with the other wait staff.
What do you want,
Brent?
To congratulate you
on your new business venture,
and on signing
Seth Newman.
Picking through River rock's
trash for scraps...
Suits you.
Hey.
Have you lost your mind?!
You opened your big mouth
to Brent?!
Julianne, please,
before you-
explode?! Because you
told Brent about Seth,
a writer we don't have
a signed deal with?!
I'm sorry.
I...
It's basic, Erica.
We're partners,
so what you do,
what you say,
it affects me.
Think about that the next time
you decide to be a big "hero."
Julianne...
Oh God...
From the first moment
weome into this world,
we fee
pain and joy
and fear and rage.
We learn to hide the feelings
that frighten us.
First from others,
then from ourselves.
Many of us live our lives
distant from
our deepest feelings
and never stop to wonder
what would happen
if we allowed ourselves
to feel them fully;
to express and share them
with the world.
Julianne,
I am so sorry.
The thing is I...
Two years ago, I was...
I was stuck.
In every way possible.
And look where you are now.
I know, I know.
It's incredible,
right?
And it's also terrifying.
Because one day I feel like
I'm on top of the world
and then the next day
I feel like an impostor.
Like I'm not ready
for this,
like I'm not contributing
anywhere near enough.
And you've been doing this
line of work
since you were 19-years-old
and so one day, very soon,
you're gonna wake up
and you're gonne see
that I'm useless.
And, I mean, I should've
told you this
before I acted like
a big...
Freak in front of Brent,
but I was...
I was afraid.
Erica...
You know you're crazy,
right?
Oh yeah.
And that's okay.
I'm crazy too.
You don't think part of me
is terrified
that we're doing this?
You never show it.
That doesn't mean
I don't feel it.
Okay, here's the dealio.
None of this
would be happening
if it weren't for you.
And of course, yes,
I bring the know-how
and the experience,
but you, you bring this
incredible eye for talent
and then this amazing way
with people.
Being totally
self-consciously cheesy here,
but, chicken,
you kinda...
You kinda complete me.
Oh...
Okay.
But...
But what?
Get it out.
Say it now.
I'm also worried because
we haven't always been equals.
That I will walk
all over you
and treat you
like my assistant?
Yeah.
Well, you know, Erica,
I haven't always been the most
sensitive person on the planet.
No, you?
Have I done something?
You have to spell it out
for me.
When you asked me
to get the drinks,
I just felt like...
Oh.
You know, and I know
that it sounds silly.
Oh no, it doesn't.
But I didn't mean it
that way.
No, I know.
I know.
But still, right?
It felt kinda like
the old days.
A bit.
Noted.
I'm sorry.
It's fine,
and I'm sorry.
We need to...
We need to figure out a way
to make this work.
I think we're doing
a pretty good job of that
right now.
We are.
Seth Newman is here to see you.
Seth.
Yeah. Hey.
Thank you for meeting me
on such short notice.
Of course.
So...
A little birdie tells me
one of our competitors
is circling your manuscript.
Yeah, look...
With all due respect,
you...
You passed
on "The Purple Door."
River rock -
the old River rock - passed.
However, as you can see,
there's been a regime change.
Your manuscrip
fits better.
I'd like to make you
an offer.
The last thing I want
is to get in the middle
of some war between you
and Julianne
and Erica.
Seth,
this isn't a war,
this is business.
And if you sign with them,
you'll be signing your name
to nothing.
Don't turn your back
on a big opportunity.
So, I'll set up a meeting
at the bank.
And I will start scouring
for new office space
and go over the budget.
You guys are looking
for office space?
Yeah, why?
Ivan! Come here.
These guys are looking
to rent office space.
But we haven't even discussed
what we wanna charge yet.
Okay, we're reno-ing
the entire back area,
converting it
into an office.
An office?
Back there?
Yeah, the space is incredible.
Exposed brick,
working fireplace,
an entrance
right onto the street.
- Ooh...
- You guys interested?
Well, that depends.
How much is the rent?
Ivan?
$1500 a month.
Oh...
Too rich for o blood.
We'll give it to you
for a thousand,
lattes included -
vanilla lattes.
David.
Ivan, I've spent
our relationship
bending over backwards
for you;
now it's your turn
to bend over for me.
- What?
- You know what I mean.
They would be great tenants.
Fine.
But this?
This is your Christmas present.
And Easter,
and...
We are going to beef dip
in puerto vallarta
in January.
Mwah!
So, ladies?
Well, I mean,
we still have to see it,
but in theory...
It's a deal.
Ah!
Wow. Yeah.
Okay. Okay.
- That was easy.
- Awesome.
Hi.
Hi.
You look happy.
I am.
I had a really good talk
with Julianne.
Uh-huh? And?
And it's...
It's funny.
In the moments
before I talked to her,
I felt like
I was gonna die.
I was just afraid
of sounding stupid,
of looking silly,
of just...
Being vulnerable.
Yeah. Yeah.
I guess it's like you said,
some things...
Are really hard to admit,
even to yourself.
Let alone saying them
out loud.
Like the fact that
you were upset
to find out that
I have other patients.
I guess I just assumed
because...
Well...
Because I wanted to think
that I was the only one.
And Adam?
How, how is he?
Uh, he learned from you,
as you, it would appear,
learned from him.
I guess that's the whole point
of group therapy.
One of many.
Dr. Tom,
just one last question.
Uh-huh?
Did you know that
I would flame out
the way that I did?
No.
No, all I knew
was that you didn't want
to face what you felt.
It's like a pot of water -
you turn up the heat
and sooner or later,
it's bound to boil over.
Really?
A simile?
That's...
That's all you got for me?
"Pressure makes diamonds."
General George s. Patton.
Yeah.
I've heard that one before.
Dr. Arthur:
Naadiah!
Hello, hello, hello.
You know anything
about carburetors?
No, Dr. Arthur,
I don't.
You look anxious.
Trying not to be.
Well, how can I help?
I'm concerned about Tom.
Nothing's happened yet,
but I'm worried.
If nothing's happened,
why are you worried?
This is a mistake,
Arthur.
Erica should be doing
phase two with me.
Noted... again.
But for now, denied.
♪ Far enough like home ♪
My brand of therapy
is not traditional.
But I will say is this,
whatever it is
that you are unhappy about,
I can fix it.
You think
I'm supposed to accept
that I'm just like what,
time travelling?
Because this...
This can't be for real.
I mean, every time
I try to step
outside of the box
a little,
it's like you keep trying
to push me in.
You will pack up your desks
and be out before lunch.
Both of you.
Let's start a company,
together.
Maybe...
This is the universe's way
of giving us a push.
Erica, you made a commitment
and I'm here to help you
honour it.
You're done you're list
or your therapy.
I have no job,
no boyfriend...
And how does that feel?
It feels scary...
But strangely okay.
Everything that
you've taught me,
it's made me braver
somehow.
It's time, Erica.
Choose a door.
♪ All this feels strange
and untrue ♪
♪ and I won't waste a minute ♪
♪ without you ♪
♪ my bones ache,
my skin feels cold ♪
♪ and I'm getting so tired
and so old ♪
♪ tell me
that you'll open your eyes ♪
♪ tell me
that you'll open your eyes ♪
That's usually my seat,
but go ahead,
sit there if you'd like.
No worries.
I'm Rebecca.
Oh. Um, hi.
Rebecca, hello again.
You must be Erica?
I'm Darryl.
Hi, Darryl.
Camilla.
Welcome.
It's a pleasure.
Uh, have a seat.
Adam.
How's it going?
Uh... it's going.
Except for the fact
that I don't exactly know
where I am or wh
Yeah, I remember that feeling.
Well, to answer
your questions-
You're here because you're
ready to start "phase two."
Do you always
have to do that?
What? What did I do?
You beat me
to the punchline.
So, this is a support group?
Yeah, that's one way
of putting it.
It's more than that,
but support is part of it.
Here's the thing, Erica.
We learn from each other,
because we've all been through
the same thing with Dr. Tom.
I'm, I'm sorry.
Dr. Tom?
Yeah.
We're all patients of his.
He didn't tell you?
Well, he is a doctor
and I mean,
of course
he has other patients.
That just...
That goes without saying.
So you said that
this is phase two.
And how many phases
are there?
Dr. Tom:
Three.
And the third phase,
it's what exactly?
You really have no clue?
You become a doctor,
Erica.
That's phase three.
♪ Being Erica 3x01 ♪
The Rabbit Hole
Original air date on September 21, 2010
♪ it's clearer inside of me
who I will always be ♪
♪ open me up to my heart ♪
♪ feels like I'm seeing
in the dark ♪
♪ waking me up to my heart ♪
♪ to do it all over ♪
♪ again and again ♪
♪ until the end ♪
♪ the sum of my dreams ♪
♪ and everything
I ever wanted to be ♪
I become a doctor?
Well, let's not get ahead
of ourselves.
No one here is becoming
a doctor anytime soon.
This is the next phase
of your journey
as a patient.
We do though, you know,
we do get to "practice"
on each other,
instead of torturing
real patients.
Okay.
Have you ever heard of man
named Irvin Yalom, Erica?
He wrote
a very influential text.
On time travel therapy?
On group therapeutic
practices.
And he recognized
the following:
Empathy -
learning about yourself
through the experiences
of others;
universality...
Coles notes, Camilla.
Please.
In a nutshell,
the group is a force
that pushes you further;
that takes you places
you might not go one-on-one.
What she means is,
we're five bullshit detectors.
We don't have to be all calm
and professional like Dr. Tom.
We say it how it is.
Dr. Tom:
Erica, why don't you, uh...
Stand up.
Just right up there
in the middle,
and tell us all
where you're at.
Okay. I'm...
I'm from Toronto,
and I'm single.
I'm recently single,
I just broke up
with my boyfriend.
Dr. Tom: Erica.
It was a really...
Dr. Tom:
No, no, I meant...
Why don't you tell us
what you're feeling,
right now.
Oh, okay.
Well, I'm feeling, um...
Overwhelmed, obviously,
but in a good way.
'Cause I feel ready
to start phase two.
Doc, can I say something
on that?
Yeah.
You say you're excited?
Yeah.
I don't believe it.
'Cause actually you look
upset and defensive.
And check out your arms,
they're all closed up.
You look like
you're hiding something.
Well, I'm not hiding anything.
I'm fine.
I'm just...
A little bit nervous,
maybe.
But that's normal
given the circumstances.
Ah nerves, sure, yeah.
But that's not what I mean.
It's like you're telling us
what you think we want to hear.
Oh and is that
your "bullshit detector"?
'Cause it really
just feels to me
like you're picking on me.
I'm not, Erica.
And I'm not judging you
either.
I'm just asking you
to be honest.
And why would I lie?
Well being
a hundred percent honest
in a room full of strangers
is really hard.
I don't really know
what you want me to say.
Well, this is a lot
to digest.
Let's, uh...
Call it a day.
Thank you, everyone.
So... Erica,
is there anything that
you wanted to ask me?
I mean,
about any of this?
No.
No, I'm good.
And hey, if I have
any questions,
there's four other people
that I can ask, right?
So...
Okay.
Ivan, let me explain it to you
in a way
you might understand.
More tables means
more customers.
Yes, David, but we're going
for intimate here, right?
Not cavernous and cheap
and...
No.
Oh yes.
No. We're not replacing
the bar.
Paying customer here,
waiting to drink a latte.
Sorry. Some people don't
understand the concept
of "if it ain't broke,
don't fix it."
And if it wasn't broke,
it wouldn't have been for sale,
Hmm?
Whoa!
What is going on here?
Well, it looks like
"Fraggle Rock,"
but sounds like
"Queer as Folk."
Hi, Erica.
The usual?
Are vanilla lattes
still on the menu?
If Ivan hasn't taken them off,
then yeah.
I heard that, David,
I was born with ears.
Bionic ears.
Hey, Dave.
Sorry, but who's Ivan?
My partner -
in life,
and now in business.
We just bought the place.
I may be the junior partner,
but I still have a say
in what goes on around here.
I heard that too.
Dave likes men?!
Men, they like Dave?
Yes, chicken,
that's how "gay" works.
Anyhoo, happy first day
of our new business.
Yay us!
Really?
Yes.
Hey.
Okay.
Now,
before Seth arrives,
I wanted to go over
a few "deets."
In here you will find
our Articles of Incorporation,
an attack plan, .
Wowzer, that's a...
That's a lot of money.
I don't mind shouldering
a little bit more
of the burden at first-
no way. No way.
Partners means equals,
which means I will...
I will figure out a way
to come up with my half.
Well, you've done
a lot of work here.
Well, I have been
in the "biz"
since I was 19,
so I have a lot of contacts
and, more importantly,
lots of ideas.
Here.
We're gonna get the ball
rolling tonight,
at the A.G.O.
They're holding
a little shindig
for the Festival of Authors.
Great!
And you know what?
I have some thoughts
of my own.
Whoo!
It's a compass.
Starting with
a detailed analysis
of the top book stores
in the country.
Now, I think that
the goal should be
to publish
"The Purple Door"
and get it into chapters.
No it's not, chicken.
Not anymore.
Now there's the Kindle,
the e-reader,
the... ipad!
E-publishing.
It's the future of reading.
Great. And I absolutely
think that e-publishing
should be a part
of our business plan.
Uh, but what about books?
You know, real, solid,
curl up on the couch with,
take to the beach...?
Yeah, books cost money.
They have to be barcoded,
warehoused, shipped...
Mucho dinero
that we do not have.
Get it?
Yeah, yeah.
Totally.
Oh, and here he comes
our first author right now.
Seth! I am so happy
you could make it
on such short notice.
Yeah, of course.
Talking about my book,
for real?
This is wicked.
Hey, Erica.
Hello, you.
Muah. Muah.
Now, before we get started,
have a seat.
I just wanted to start
by saying
that we are so stoked
for our plans
for your manuscript.
"The Purple Door."
And I heart the name.
I heart .
Thank you.
So anyways, Seth,
we were, uh-
Tell me-
oh. You go ahead,
Erica.
Um, we were just thinking
um...
You know what, Julianne,
go ahead.
Okay, so tell me,
what do you know
about e-books?
E-books?
Are you kidding me?
I download everything I read.
They're fantastic!
And that's what
i'm talking about.
E-books put the "e"
in future
and the future is now.
♪ O-o-o-o-oh ♪
♪ she's fantastic ♪
Okay. Game plan.
We need to control
the message here.
Smile, stand tall,
and if anyone asks,
we just lay it out.
Wee the new kids
on the block.
New kids without an office.
Julianne Giacomelli:
Ah, but we do have a couple
of "hot properties"
we're planning on optioning.
We spin, Erica.
Right. Spin.
Got it.
Just don't name names,
keep everything very general.
Okay, wait.
Is that Lesley Kalajian?
Where?
Over there.
Katie's Agent.
Yeah. I'm gonna go
chat her up.
Why don't you grab drinks
and then join us?
This is so exciting,
right?
Hey!
Hi!
You guys met at Jim's party,
right?
Is that how you guys met?
Yes.
At what book review
was that?
Thank you.
Erica Strange.
Brent.
It's good to see you.
I've been meaning
to give you a ding-a-ling.
No you haven't.
You look tired,
my friend.
Well, I'm not tired
and I'm not your friend.
Oh and Julianne is?
The woman who abused you,
manipulated you,
and ended up
getting you fired?
Whatever helps you sleep
at night.
Look,
I'm not saying I've been perfect
in all of this.
Brent makes mistakes,
okay?
And what happened to you...
What happened to you
was my biggest.
Let me talk to Galvin
and see if I can convince him
to give you your job back
now that things
have settled.
Brent, I don't want
my job back.
'Cause we have started
our own publishing company.
Oh, Erica.
"We've started"?
What are you,
Julianne's assistant?
No, I'm her partner.
We're, we're equals.
Equals.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
She does the shmoozing
and you fetch the vino.
Or the lattes.
Stand and smile
while she talks a blue streak.
You know what, Brent?
I wouldn't take
the job back
even if you begged me to.
Oh, oh, and by the way,
do you remember that manuscript
by Seth Newman?
The one that you,
with your great taste,
passed on?
Well, it's ours.
And it's gonna be
our first title
and it's gonna be huge.
And I am the one
that found it,
which goes to show
how much Julianne trusts m
as her new partner.
So, I don't need your help
or your pity,
because I'm, I'm...
I'm doing just fine.
Uh!
Hello, Erica.
Here.
Let me get these for you.
Hi.
Dr. Tom:
So, why don't you tell us
what just happened.
Well, a former colleague of mine
was being an idiot,
so I, basically,
I told him to shove it.
Can I sit down?
How did you feel
when you did that?
Ugh... why do keep
asking me that?
How do I feel?
How do you feel?
Well, I feel like
I want this
to be about someone else.
You're doing it again.
I'm doing what?
Avoiding the truth.
Censoring yourself
and holding back.
Now, I
really uncomfortable.
Why are you rushing her?
I'm not!
We learn by doing, right?
So why don't we just let her
do something?
Yes, thank you!
Do something.
'Cause you know what?
Anything is better
than this.
I don't think
that's what Adam meant.
So is this it?
Is this group
just sitting around,
you know,
talking about my feelings?
I mean what about
the regrets?
What about my list?
What about time travel?
Is there any of that?
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, you'll still
go back in time -
sometimes alone,
but sometimes in pairs
or groups,
depending on
what the journey calls for.
That's the way it works
in group, Erica.
We work together,
we push each other.
Help each other,
without taking over.
Way more challenging
than it sounds.
Well, let's do this.
I'm up for a challenge.
Look at you
chomping at the bit.
Adam, shut up.
What? If she's ready
to jump right in,
then why not let her?
And since you're in favour,
I'm assuming
that you won't mind
being Erica's partner
on this?
Whatever I can do to help.
Dr. Tom:
Well, how 'bout, um...
May 21st, 2002.
What does that date signify?
It's, uh...
It's the day my mom died
and my regret
is that she died alone.
My dad and her
were divorced,
my younger brother John
was in jail
and I... I was, uh...
I was on the job...
This was back when
i was working for hastings
and he needed me that night,
so I went.
I knew it was wrong,
but...
You don't say "no"
to hastings.
And when I got back later
that night,
there was a message
on my phone.
My mom had died.
So if I could go back,
I'd uh...
You know,
I'd be there with her.
Okay.
Erica?
Yeah?
You ready?
Uh, wait.
Do I get some direction?
I mean how do I know
what to do?
Well, you said you wanted
to do something, right?
Jump right in.
Just make sure
that you land on your feet.
You gotta run, Erica.
Run! Come on!
Ah!
Run?
Run from what?
That.
Stop, police!
Oh my God!
Oh my God!
C-13.
Send a car out to ontario
and queen.
In pursuit of white male,
20s,
headed east
with a white female.
Stop! Police!
♪ I get, I get ♪
♪ what I own ♪
♪ don't let, don't let ♪
♪ aaaaahhh ♪
♪ gotta get outta the way! ♪
♪ no time for me to stay ♪
♪ everyone in the world
don't affect you ♪
Ahhhh!
Okay, this way.
Come on! Come on!
Okay, right!
Right! Right! Right!
Whaaaaa!
You okay?
Yeah, I think so.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay, so what do we do now?
Where do we go?
Away from here.
Come on.
So why are the cops
chasing you?
It's not important.
Look, I know that
I'm new at this,
and it is your past,
but if I'm supposed
to be helping you,
you gotta keep me
in the loop here, Adam.
Those are watches.
Yeah, rolex,
three tag's,
a couple of movado's.
You stole those?
What do you think?
Yeah, I stole them.
So what are you?
A thief?
I was an enforcer
for a loan shark.
An enforcer.
And that mns that you...
Beat up people
or took their shit
if they couldn't pay.
In this case,
I believe I did both.
Well,
you should return them.
Are you panicking?
Is this - being here -
too much for you?
What?! No. Why?
Because take these back?
Really?
Well, they're not yours.
And just what,
walk back in the store
and say, "oh, sorry,
I kicked the shit out of you,
but here you go.
Have them back.
No hard feelings"?
Are you always like this?
Or is this just how you make
the new people feel welcome.
We're running from the cops.
What do you want?
Look, I'm not used
to being dropped
into the middle
of a Tarantino film, okay?
This is new to me.
I get it, okay?
But let's stay focused
on why we're here.
Right. I know.
We're here for your mother.
So, we should go
to the hospital.
We gotta make a pit stop,
first.
A pit stop? Why?
Because I gotta drop these off.
I'm just trying
to be helpful.
Yeah, you can be helpful
by waiting here.
Well, how long
are you gonna be?
Not long.
Pretty good.
Any problems?
Nothing major.
Good.
Because I have another job.
Actually, I need to take
the rest of the day off.
What for?
My mom's dying.
Your mom's dying
and you're here?
Like this is more important?
There's no shame
in admitting you're broken up.
So, go.
Be with her.
Come back when you're ready.
Thank you.
Rock, meth, smack...
I got it,
you want it?
No.
Uh, no, thank you.
Come on, baby,
I'll give it to you cheap.
You hook me up,
I'll hook you up.
Dr. Tom:
She said she's not interested.
Who are you? Shaft?
All right,
I'll leave this bitch for you.
Bitch? Excuse me?
Was that really necessary?
What?
The gun?
Ah.
And I didn't need
to be rescued.
I could've handled that
on my own.
I'm sure you could have.
I just came by
to see how it was working.
Fine.
Just fine?
I don't know
what you want me to say.
We just started,
we haven't even gotten
to the hospital yet, so...
Well, if it's going ne,
then why do you sound
so upset?
Okay, I admit that I don't talk
to drug dealers every day.
But saying goodbye
to a dying relative?
That's something
I've been through before.
So, I can do this.
This isn't a test, Erica.
I realize that.
I'm just saying that
I know that I can help Adam
with this regret,
if he would just hurry up
already.
Erica!
Is that guy
botherin' you?
No, no.
Nothing I can't handle.
Let's go.
Can I help you?
Yeah, I'm looking
for Joyce Fitzpatrick.
Room 403.
Thanks.
You okay?
Do you want a coffee
or something?
Oh here,
let me get it.
No, really.
Really, I need to stretch
my legs anyway.
Okay, sure.
Yeah, I'll have coffee.
Just black, please.
And if she wakes up,
i'll come and get you.
Bennifer?
Yeah,
like that's gonna last.
Heo?
Joyce.
Um...
Who are you?
I'm... I'm just, I'm...
I'm gonna go get Adam,
okay?
And I'll be right back.
Okay?
I'll just be one moment.
Nurse and Adam:
Take care of that,
then go put a line in
on Mrs. Boyd.
And when you're done that
maybe you can do his ironing,
walk his dog,
do his groceries.
Adam?
Your mother's awake.
Right.
Here's your coffee.
Great.
Did you wanna come in?
We got time,
you know, until...
No, it's okay.
I'll just...
I'll wait out here.
Okay.
How long have you been here?
Couple of hours.
You were asleep.
That's what I do a lot
these days -
sleep.
Who was that
pretty girl
who was in here
when I woke up?
It was Erica...
She's a friend.
Friend?
Yeah, a friend.
Ma, what're you doing?
I want to look at you.
Can I get you anything?
A can of ginger ale
or...
I'm so glad you're here,
Adam.
I didn't think
i'd see you again before...
I'll just get you
that can ginger ale, okay?
Hey.
Everything okay?
No, everything's not okay,
Erica.
Jesus Christ!
What do you think?
I shouldn't have
come here.
Um... Adam,
I know how hard this is.
Do you?
I do, actually.
You just have to trust me.
But here's the thing.
You're mother?
She's in that room
and you, you have this
incredible opportunity-
would you just stop?
I'm here so I can
be with her,
not so I can "fix"
our relationship.
I mean,
I lost my brother.
He died way too young
and losing him,
it hurt so much.
She's dying of heart failure.
She's old.
It's not the same.
Wait, you're not listening
to me.
Because when Leo died,
I did everything I could
to avoid facing the pain,
just like you are.
Oh, is that what I'm doing,
is it?
I'm avoiding the pain?
Yes. I mean,
you're out here,
you're flirting
with nurses,
you're delivering
stolen watches...
You're doing everything
you can to do
to avoid being
in that room with her-
so now you're Dr. Tom?
No.
So what,
you got some quote for me?
You think you're an expert
after one session.
I'm trying to help you
and you won't let me.
Then maybe you should
just go.
Adam.
No, I'm serious, Erica.
I don't need this bullshit
from you.
Not today.
Just get outta here.
Go.
Just go!
So clearly,
i did that wrong.
But what I'm not sure of
is how you expect me
to know how to do this.
Erica,
you asked to be thrown in.
Fine. You threw me in
and I failed.
Is that what you
want me to say?
That I don't deserve
to be here? So...
Is that how you feel?
I don't kn what I feel.
I don't think that's true.
My first time in group,
I vomited.
- Wow.
- I remember at.
You were so scared.
I came in so guarded,
so unwilling to show the group
the whole truth.
Ugh... fine.
I feel... frustrated
and a bit overwhelmed.
What else?
Nothing else.
What?
Why are you looking at me
like that?
You need to let yourself
feel all of it,
whatever it is.
I just did.
All of it, Erica.
I don't know what you want.
Okay?
Don't close up.
Stay with it,
whatever you're feeling
right now.
Maybe I don't wanna feel
whatever it is
that I'm feeling, okay?!
Ah, you know, Erica,
that may be true,
but you know that ignoring it
is not gonna make it go away.
I feel angry...
With you.
Why?
Because you...
You did this.
You came into my life
And you made me trust you,
and then I find out
that I'm not the only one.
I don't wanna do this
and I don't wanna say this.
I told you that...
That...
I told you
that I was ready
and that I wouldn't let fear
hold me back anymore...
And now all I can feel
is this horrible fear.
Like...
Like...
That I can't run a company,
and that I can't be alone,
and that I can't...
I can't do this
without you.
And I'm sorry,
but...
I'm not ready to be here.
Erica.
I'm not.
Erica, don't you see?
You are ready.
You just proved that.
How? By... by bawling
and saying
how stupid I feel?
No, by facing it.
By admitting it,
you know, out loud,
to us.
To yourself.
Okay.
So, now that I've said
what I feel,
how does that,
how does that help me?
Well, I think the question
is rather,
how is that gonna help
Adam?
I told you to go.
I know.
And I'm sorry
about before.
I handled everything badly.
Can I sit?
Dr. Friendly, 2744.
Dr. Friendly.
I feel like...
Like I don't know
how to help you.
Like I'm just...
I'm way out of my league.
It's death.
No one knows
how to deal with it.
Before, when I first
walked into group,
you said something to me...
About how hard it is
to be honest
with what you're
really feeling.
Erica...
And...
And I know that losing
someone you love,
it's awful,
it's incredibly hard, but...
Is that all
that's going on here?
Because I don't think
that it is.
I'm not gonna judge you,
Adam.
I hate her.
She was an awful mother,
and you're just...
Not supposed to say that.
Why was she awful?
My dad beat the shit
out of us
and she let it happen.
You know, stood by;
didn't stop him.
And the reason I worked
the night she died
was so that I wouldn't
have to be here
and pretend to care.
'Cause I don't.
I really don't.
If you don't care, Adam,
then why are you here?
Why is this a regret?
♪
♪
♪
Drinks sound great.
I have some authors
I would love for you to meet.
Fabu! Well, I'm gonna
go find Erica
and then we'll text you
and um...
We'll figure something out.
Okay? Thanks.
Julianne.
What a coinkidink.
I'm sorry,
I'm looking for someone.
No time to chat.
If by "someone"
you mean Erica,
I think I saw her
on a coffee break
with the other wait staff.
What do you want,
Brent?
To congratulate you
on your new business venture,
and on signing
Seth Newman.
Picking through River rock's
trash for scraps...
Suits you.
Hey.
Have you lost your mind?!
You opened your big mouth
to Brent?!
Julianne, please,
before you-
explode?! Because you
told Brent about Seth,
a writer we don't have
a signed deal with?!
I'm sorry.
I...
It's basic, Erica.
We're partners,
so what you do,
what you say,
it affects me.
Think about that the next time
you decide to be a big "hero."
Julianne...
Oh God...
From the first moment
weome into this world,
we fee
pain and joy
and fear and rage.
We learn to hide the feelings
that frighten us.
First from others,
then from ourselves.
Many of us live our lives
distant from
our deepest feelings
and never stop to wonder
what would happen
if we allowed ourselves
to feel them fully;
to express and share them
with the world.
Julianne,
I am so sorry.
The thing is I...
Two years ago, I was...
I was stuck.
In every way possible.
And look where you are now.
I know, I know.
It's incredible,
right?
And it's also terrifying.
Because one day I feel like
I'm on top of the world
and then the next day
I feel like an impostor.
Like I'm not ready
for this,
like I'm not contributing
anywhere near enough.
And you've been doing this
line of work
since you were 19-years-old
and so one day, very soon,
you're gonna wake up
and you're gonne see
that I'm useless.
And, I mean, I should've
told you this
before I acted like
a big...
Freak in front of Brent,
but I was...
I was afraid.
Erica...
You know you're crazy,
right?
Oh yeah.
And that's okay.
I'm crazy too.
You don't think part of me
is terrified
that we're doing this?
You never show it.
That doesn't mean
I don't feel it.
Okay, here's the dealio.
None of this
would be happening
if it weren't for you.
And of course, yes,
I bring the know-how
and the experience,
but you, you bring this
incredible eye for talent
and then this amazing way
with people.
Being totally
self-consciously cheesy here,
but, chicken,
you kinda...
You kinda complete me.
Oh...
Okay.
But...
But what?
Get it out.
Say it now.
I'm also worried because
we haven't always been equals.
That I will walk
all over you
and treat you
like my assistant?
Yeah.
Well, you know, Erica,
I haven't always been the most
sensitive person on the planet.
No, you?
Have I done something?
You have to spell it out
for me.
When you asked me
to get the drinks,
I just felt like...
Oh.
You know, and I know
that it sounds silly.
Oh no, it doesn't.
But I didn't mean it
that way.
No, I know.
I know.
But still, right?
It felt kinda like
the old days.
A bit.
Noted.
I'm sorry.
It's fine,
and I'm sorry.
We need to...
We need to figure out a way
to make this work.
I think we're doing
a pretty good job of that
right now.
We are.
Seth Newman is here to see you.
Seth.
Yeah. Hey.
Thank you for meeting me
on such short notice.
Of course.
So...
A little birdie tells me
one of our competitors
is circling your manuscript.
Yeah, look...
With all due respect,
you...
You passed
on "The Purple Door."
River rock -
the old River rock - passed.
However, as you can see,
there's been a regime change.
Your manuscrip
fits better.
I'd like to make you
an offer.
The last thing I want
is to get in the middle
of some war between you
and Julianne
and Erica.
Seth,
this isn't a war,
this is business.
And if you sign with them,
you'll be signing your name
to nothing.
Don't turn your back
on a big opportunity.
So, I'll set up a meeting
at the bank.
And I will start scouring
for new office space
and go over the budget.
You guys are looking
for office space?
Yeah, why?
Ivan! Come here.
These guys are looking
to rent office space.
But we haven't even discussed
what we wanna charge yet.
Okay, we're reno-ing
the entire back area,
converting it
into an office.
An office?
Back there?
Yeah, the space is incredible.
Exposed brick,
working fireplace,
an entrance
right onto the street.
- Ooh...
- You guys interested?
Well, that depends.
How much is the rent?
Ivan?
$1500 a month.
Oh...
Too rich for o blood.
We'll give it to you
for a thousand,
lattes included -
vanilla lattes.
David.
Ivan, I've spent
our relationship
bending over backwards
for you;
now it's your turn
to bend over for me.
- What?
- You know what I mean.
They would be great tenants.
Fine.
But this?
This is your Christmas present.
And Easter,
and...
We are going to beef dip
in puerto vallarta
in January.
Mwah!
So, ladies?
Well, I mean,
we still have to see it,
but in theory...
It's a deal.
Ah!
Wow. Yeah.
Okay. Okay.
- That was easy.
- Awesome.
Hi.
Hi.
You look happy.
I am.
I had a really good talk
with Julianne.
Uh-huh? And?
And it's...
It's funny.
In the moments
before I talked to her,
I felt like
I was gonna die.
I was just afraid
of sounding stupid,
of looking silly,
of just...
Being vulnerable.
Yeah. Yeah.
I guess it's like you said,
some things...
Are really hard to admit,
even to yourself.
Let alone saying them
out loud.
Like the fact that
you were upset
to find out that
I have other patients.
I guess I just assumed
because...
Well...
Because I wanted to think
that I was the only one.
And Adam?
How, how is he?
Uh, he learned from you,
as you, it would appear,
learned from him.
I guess that's the whole point
of group therapy.
One of many.
Dr. Tom,
just one last question.
Uh-huh?
Did you know that
I would flame out
the way that I did?
No.
No, all I knew
was that you didn't want
to face what you felt.
It's like a pot of water -
you turn up the heat
and sooner or later,
it's bound to boil over.
Really?
A simile?
That's...
That's all you got for me?
"Pressure makes diamonds."
General George s. Patton.
Yeah.
I've heard that one before.
Dr. Arthur:
Naadiah!
Hello, hello, hello.
You know anything
about carburetors?
No, Dr. Arthur,
I don't.
You look anxious.
Trying not to be.
Well, how can I help?
I'm concerned about Tom.
Nothing's happened yet,
but I'm worried.
If nothing's happened,
why are you worried?
This is a mistake,
Arthur.
Erica should be doing
phase two with me.
Noted... again.
But for now, denied.
♪ Far enough like home ♪