Becker (1998–2004): Season 6, Episode 9 - A First Class Flight - full transcript

II

Margaret, check it out.
I got a nose ring.

What do you think?

What on earth possessed you
to pierce your nose?

Five shots of vodka
and a guy named...

That's weird.
We were so close last night.

Take it out, and-and put
that sweater on.

This is a doctor's office.

Have a little decorum.

Morning, John.

Yeah, yeah, morning.



All right, what do we got here?

Uh, Mr. Davis in one,
Mrs. Kaplan in two.

Linda, take that stupid thing
out of your nose.

Margaret, call the lab, find out

what's holding up Mr. Barnes's
liver panel, will you, please?

Already did it.
Oh, and this came for you.

-LINDA: OW! OW!
-BECKER: What's that?

Ow, ow, ow, ow, my sweater's
stuck on my nose ring!

Oh, yeah, the Mid-Atlantic
Physicians Council, yeah.

LINDA:
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Every year, they hold
some stupid conference.

Yeah, see, what'd I tell you?
This year, it's Las Vegas.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow'.!

This... you know,
it's such nonsense.



You know, it's just a bunch
of bored doctors

looking for an excuse
to get away from home.

I wish they'd just

leave me the hell alone,
you know, instead of trying

to pass themselves off
as a legitimate medical or...

Oh. Well, they...
they want me to speak.

Come on, keep reading.

Uh... "Apologies.

...so last minute...
speaker dropped out..."

Margaret, a little help?
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Uh, "all expenses paid...
suite at the MGM Grand."

That's...

Oh-oh... oh, my God.

There it is.

Well, they're flying me
first class.

Oh, my... Margaret, I...

First class. I've never been
in first class in my life.

It's free.

Margaret,
I got a situation here.

BECKER:
Oh, my God.

Look, now, they...
I have to leave in two days.

I can't do that.
H have patients.

Aw, see, damn it.
That's not fair.

I never get to go anyplace.

0h, stop pouting.

I checked
with the on-call service.

They can have a doctor here
to cover for you.

-Really? So... so I can go?
-You can go!

Really? 0h, hey,
did you hear that, everybody?

-I'm going to Vegas!
-LINDA: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

-They're flying me first class!
-0w! Ow! Ow!

(panting)

Please, this is
a doctor's office.

Have a little decorum.

Hey, look at this.

"A boat sank
in the Indian Ocean.

"Five survivors drifted
on a life raft for weeks.

One guy died,
and they ate him."

That's disgusting.

0h, people are animals.

It makes you embarrassed
to be a part of the human race.

Morning, everybody.

Morning, John.

Hey, do you think you could eat
somebody if you were starving?

Sure. Why not?

While we're speaking about me,

guess who's going to Vegas.

Hey, you always say
only morons go to Vegas.

No, only morons
pay to go to Vegas.

I got a free trip.

Oh, well,
that explains it, then.

You know, there's this

highly respected
medical organization.

They're having a...

They're having this conference,
and they needed a speaker,

and they're, uh,
putting me up in a suite,

and flying me out--
get this-- first class.

-0h, that's great, John.
-BECKER: Yeah, yeah.

Hey, oh, you know what?

Chris, you know, uh,
flight leaves Thursday morning.

I know this is kind of
last-minute,

but, you know,
if you're not busy...

0h, John, I'd love to go.

...you can drive me
to the airport.

Well... that was embarrassing.

No... No, look, look, I-I'd love
to have you go with me,

but they only sent me
one ticket.

First class, free.

It's okay. I-I understand.

-Well, good. Good, good.
-Although... although you could

always trade it in
for two coach tickets,

you know, if-if you wanted to.

I don't.

I've never flown first class.

Well, enjoy yourself. I'm fine.

-Is she really fine?
-0h, no.

-You think we should move?
-0h, yes.

Hey, I'm only going to be gone
for three days, you know.

I'm going to be working
the whole time.

No, you don't have
to explain to me.

You want to go by yourself,
go by yourself.

You know, what just happened?
Five seconds ago, I was happy.

You know, I just thought that,
since we were dating,

it might occur to you
to ask me to go.

Fine. Do you want to go?

Do you want me to go?

No! I don't want anybody to go.

Then never mind.
Go to Vegas, enjoy yourself.

You know...

All right, fine, I'll just...

just go, then.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, you don't have
to worry about the ride.

I'll find some other way.

Okay, bye.

I just want you to know,

I think he was being
incredibly insensitive.

Oh, thank you, Hector.

And if I were him
and you were my girlfriend,

and I got a free trip to Vegas,

I would have considered
your feelings...

Yeah.

...and never have even
told you about it.

God, this is a doctor's office?

I was going to ask
where the toilet is,

but I can see that's redundant.

Excuse me, but who are you?

Dr. Alan Grath,
replacement physician.

You're a doctor?

Only for the past 20 years.

I have my own practice,
cosmetic surgery.

If you see a great pair
of breasts on Park Avenue,

chances are, my hands
have been on 'em.

Would you excuse me
for a moment?

-John, John, John, John.
-What?

That's the replacement doctor.

I don't know, I don't have
a good feeling about this.

-I do. I'm going to Vegas.
-No, stop that!

-John, he is a plastic surgeon.
-So?

And he is strange.

How do we know he can do this?

I'll find out. Don't worry.
Hey. Dr. John Becker.

I'm going to Vegas.

Dr. Alan Grath.

When was the last time
you painted this place?

Uh, yeah.
Anyway, thanks for coming down

on such short notice.

What would you say
if I had a high fever,

chest pains on my right side,

fluid accumulation
in my abdomen and my legs?

I'd say you got no shot
at getting laid in Vegas.

Great. Good.

-Uh, constrictive pericarditis.
-That's right. He's right.

-All right, I'm off!
-MARGARET: John!

If you need anything, too bad.
I'll be in Vegas.

Uh, Linda, this is John's
substitute, Dr. Alan Grath.

Oh, my God, Park Avenue
Dr. Alan Grath!

You did my mom!

You're gonna have to be
a little more specific.

I mean you worked on her.

Nose, chin and cheeks.
She looks great.

And you rebuilt my grandmother
from the ground up.

She's like a snare drum
with hair.

Uh... all right. Well, if you
would just come with me,

I will give you
a tour of the office.

Yes. Can I have
some surgical gloves?

Well, we-we don't have
any patients here now.

I know. I just don't want
to touch anything.

(loud clamoring)

Oh, my God.

(gentle classical music playing)

Oh, my God.

Hi.

Dr. Becker, welcome.

You're here in seat 23.

My name is Victoria.

Here's a pillow and blanket.

-0h.
-There's a pair of slippers.

Your dinner menu is in the seat
pocket in front of you.

I recommend the fillet mignon.
It's excellent.

Hot towel?

(chuckles)

Can I bring you a glass
of champagne before takeoff?

Yes. Please.

Sir... is everything okay?

It's all so beautiful.

Excuse me.

That's my seat.

Oh. Oh, sorry.

Thank you.

Ooh. Sorry.

(contented sign)

-Hi.
-Hi.

-Anna Davis.
-0h. John Becker.

-Dr. John Becker?
-Yeah.

Oh, you're speaking at the
medical conference I'm going to.

You're a doctor?

Well, I'd always hoped to be
a spokesmodel at car shows,

but sometimes your dreams
just don't work out.

Then again, sometimes they do.

Damn, I should have given Becker
money to bet for me.

It wouldn't have
mattered, you know,

because even if John had won
with your money,

he would have kept it.
You know why?

Because he's selfish.

Hey, uh, Larry, Curly.

You look like locals.

Uh, what's good to eat here?

-Hmm.
-Hmm.

All right, thanks a lot.
Thanks a lot.

The food here is fine,

although I'd avoid
the meat loaf.

You couldn't have told me that
a half hour ago?

Here's a menu.

You know, I-I'm not asking John
for flowers or poetry.

I'd just like a little
thoughtfulness now and then.

Hey, I'm on your side.

But you know how he is.

Yeah. Does he ever consider
anyone else's feelings?

Hey, look, look,
I'm the guy's friend.

You're kind of putting me
in the middle here, but no.

Excuse me.

I don't know who this guy is,
but looking at you,

if he's treating you badly,
he's an idiot.

0h... Now, see?
That's being thoughtful.

Thank you. I pride myself
on being sensitive.

By the way, do you know
that one of your ears

is lower than the other?

Wow, running a practice
all by yourself.

And then with hospital visits,
case notes,

how do you make time
for a social life?

According to my ex-wives,
not very well.

Hmm. Wives!

Well, just two--

the good witch
and the bad witch.

(laughs)

Well, it's hard being a doctor

and having a successful
relationship.

Not everyone understands
the pressures we're under.

That is so true.

Still, at the end of the day,

-I wouldn't trade being a doctor
for anything. -I know.

You know, it sounds corny,
but I consider it a privilege

to be able to alleviate
suffering wherever I see it.

-Mm.
-(baby crying)

Victoria. Mm...

Excuse me, Dr. Grath.

So, tell me, sweetheart,
exactly what do you do here?

I mean, you're not a nurse,
you can't make coffee,

so what, you're sleeping
with Becker?

Oh, God, is the coffee that bad?

It's horrendous.

But go ahead, ask me a question.

I've always wanted
to ask a plastic surgeon this:

What would you have to do

to make me look
just like I do now

for the rest of my life?

Come here. Let me look.

Ah, let's see.

I'd start you off on Botox,

then graduate to collagen,
dermabrasion,

a chemical peel, a brow lift,

and then eventually
just cut off the skin

in the back of your head
and start pulling.

Wow. Is that expensive?

Thankfully, yes.

Uh, Margaret, did you submit...?

Yes. The forms from this morning
to the HMO,

the cultures to the lab.

Uh, in room one, we have
Mrs. Harris: anemia.

In two, Mr. Franks:
possible bronchial infection.

Oh, and if you need
some antibiotics,

there are some samples
in the office.

I want you.

Excuse me?

I want you more

than any other woman
I've ever met...

to run my office.

0h. (chuckles)

Well, that's very flattering,

but John and I have been
together for a long time.

We're a part
of each other's lives.

What if I offered you
this much?

Then again, it's not
like we're family.

The way you move,
you're like a gazelle.

I'm sorry. What?

I'm just saying your
inner beauty shines through

despite the sadness
in your eyes.

It's that guy, isn't it?

The thoughtless one.

I really don't want
to talk about it.

I understand.

Well, you know, it's just that
we had this argument.

I wanted him
to consider my feelings,

and he didn't.

So you're like
a wounded gazelle.

Look, I-I don't know what
this guy did or didn't do,

but if he made you unhappy,
I blame him.

Oh, you're just saying that
'cause it's his fault.

Yeah, you know,
not that he's capable

of understanding it,
let alone admitting it.

You deserve better.

I know. Yeah.

You know, you're
a very good listener.

If enough people say,

"Dear God, please stop talking,"

you become a good listener.

Hmm.

-(knock at door)
-Hmm.

-0h, hey. Hi.
-Hi.

Well, I hope I'm not
disturbing you.

No, no, no. Not at all.

Oh, I just had
the most boring dinner

with a bunch
of pharmaceutical reps.

I swear, if they didn't
give out free drugs,

nobody would talk
to them at all.

(both laugh)

Anyway, I wanted to see if you
were up for a nightcap.

0h, uh, actually, you know,
I-I'm working on my speech here.

0h, I'd love to hear it.

You want to practice on me?

Uh... yeah.

You know what? Sure.
Come on in. Come on in.

Thanks.

So, can I, uh, offer you
anything here?

A bottle of water?
Chocolate?

Little... miniature sewing kit?

I'll take a little scotch.

0h. Ha! You're in luck.

I have a little scotch.

-You want ice?
-Sure.

Very nice room.

Yeah, it's free, too.

You know why they put
these little bottles in here,

don't you?

Makes the rooms look bigger.

Funny. You should use that
in your speech.

Yeah, my speech is going
to need a lot more than that

to make it interesting.

Okay, here you go.

Thank you.

(clears throat) Sorry.

Ooh, wow. That's good.

Um... I'm a little nervous.

I haven't heard this
out loud yet.

I'm really not much
of a public speaker.

If it helps, use that old trick

where you picture
your audience naked.

Yeah, a roomful of paunchy,
middle-aged doctors?

No, thanks.

Then why don't you,
I don't know,

picture me naked if it helps?

Oh, yeah, good idea.

"Of all the glands, the, uh...

the adrenal is probably
the most, uh, misunderstood."

-John?
-Yeah?

You could always practice later.

Uh, well, sure. Uh...

Now's good. I guess it depends
on what you mean by...

0h.

Oh, my God.

Dr. (Swath offered you
this much money,

and you turned him down?

I just couldn't do it.

But this is so much.

Look at all these zeros.

How come they all look
like little boobs?

He dots his "I”s
with them, too.

Well, I still can't
believe you turned him down.

It was a quality-of-life
decision.

What? The commuting,
the traffic, the stress?

No, the voice.

Ooh, I would have killed him
within a week.

So, did, uh, John get back
last night?

I don't know.

Did he at least call you
while he was away?

No.

Well, if it's any consolation,

he didn't call me, either.

(chuckles)

You're trying
to make me feel better

by making me laugh.

It's very sweet. Stop it.

-He||o.
-He||o.

Ooh, I don't like
the sound of this.

Coffee to go.

So, the trip went well.

-Good.
-Yeah.

The speech was good, too.

Good for you.

Oh, I, uh, brought you back
a little souvenir.

Official MGM Grand coffee mug.

Oh, how nice.

(mug shatters)

Still upset?

-What makes you say that?
-It's not fair, you know?

I didn't do anything wrong.

Oh, well, if you
actually think that,

then all I have to say
is I'm sorry.

Well, thank you.

I'm sorry
I had expectations for us.

I'm sorry I expected

the little things
you can't give. I'm sorry...

Yeah, all right,
you can stop apologizing.

You know, John, if someone
had given me that trip,

I would have asked you to go.

The fact that you didn't ask me

makes me feel like
you don't care about me.

Oh, yeah? You want to know
how much I care?

I could have had sex with a
beautiful doctor, and I didn't!

Excuse me?

Uh, why don't you just
give her a baseball bat

and then just put your head
on the counter?

0h, all right, all right,
let me explain why

that-that's a good thing
I was saying.

-See, I had the opportunity...
-0h, uh-huh, yeah.

...presented to me to,
you know, with someone else,

and I turned her down
because of you.

And how the hell did you wind up
with this "opportunity"?

-No, see, I did not go
looking for it. -Yeah. Uh-huh.

I didn't even know
it was happening

-until she unzipped her dress.
-(gasps)

Just how stupid are you?

Why would you even
mention that to me?

You are the most insensitive
man I've ever met.

I just told you I didn't do it.

Well, if you care about someone,
you're supposed to not do it.

-I do care about you, Chris.
-0h.

Well, you have a horrible way
of showing it, John!

What did I do?! You see...

Oh, how can you be so dense?!

Oh, will you two just shut up!

Chris, what John
is trying to say

is that he cares
about you very much,

but he also works very hard
and gets little notice for it.

Now, getting this
first-class free trip

was a huge ego boost,

and-and to trade that in
for two coach tickets,

it would have diminished that.

Still, he is an idiot

for not inviting you
in the first place.

-I think "idiot" is a little...
-Idiot, shut up.

Now, John, what Chris
is trying to say

is that she's sorry
she didn't see

how much this trip
meant to you.

I mean, let's face it,
this guy's never

going to see a first-class cabin
ever again in his life.

You should have let him
enjoy it.

Now...

I'm going to walk away

and pretend that I can't hear
you two making up.

Did you really mean
what Jake said?

Yeah.

Did you?

Yeah.

Good.

Was she pretty?

Leave it alone!

No, you know,
just-just so you know,

she wasn't pretty at all.

Oh, it doesn't matter.
I'm just...

I'm just glad
we're not fighting anymore.

Me, too.

See you tonight.

So, uh, was she pretty?

Oh, God, yes.