Becker (1998–2004): Season 6, Episode 12 - Subway Story - full transcript

Linda deletes some important files and spends the day trying to recover them or cover up what she's done. Some out-of-town friends have come to see John but he's nowhere to be seen so Chris must entertain them, to the annoyance and embarrassment of all concerned. John is trying to get home on the subway but a little old lady needs help in getting to her destination. John stops to help her, but she needs to be helped again and again. And when he finally gets her to the station she's heading for, Chambers Street, why doesn't she want to go up to the street?

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Hey, Jake.

Ah, Hector, just the man
I wanted to see.

Come on.

You want to see...
pretty much anyone, don't you?

Now, listen,
I got a call last night

from a friend of mine, right?

He's got two tickets
to see Stevie Wonder

tonight at the Garden.

Now, he can't use them,
so, uh...

Oh, man, Stevie Wonder!
Thank you! I'd love to go.



Yeah, well, actually,
you're not. Uh...

See, I need you to go down

and pick up the tickets
for me downtown.

I'm bringing this girl
named Gloria.

(chuckles)

Well, isn't she lucky?

So, where'd you meet this...

Gloria?

At a bar. Hey, Hector,
I'd love to take you,

if I had any desire whatsoever
to sleep with you.

Yeah, well, you can kiss
that dream good-bye.

Are you gonna pick up
the tickets or not?

You tapped your way into
that bar to pick up Gloria.

You can tap your ass downtown



and pick up your own
damn tickets.

What was that about?

Well, I told Hector
I wouldn't sleep with him,

and he got mad at me.

You're not gonna believe this.

There's this guy
walking around outside

with this huge parrot
on his shoulder.

I mean, why would you do that?

Are you afraid the world's
not crapping on you enough?

Hey, Margaret called.

Some guy named Dickey
left you a message.

Dickey? Dickey Patterson?

How many Dickeys do you know?

Actually, at Harvard,
there were quite a few.

God, you people are white.

For your information,
Dr. Richard Patterson

happened to be my best friend
at med school.

Lucky bastard's a cardiologist
down in New Orleans.

The deep-fried capital
of the world.

He's making a fortune.

Well, he's going
to be here later.

-He and his wife Donna...
-JAKE: Whoa, whoa.

Dickey and Donna?

Okay, I think I'm
gonna puke now.

Hey, shut up.

They-they have a layover
on their way to Paris.

They wanted to know
if they could meet you

for an early dinner
around 5:00.

5:00 today?
0h, that's-that's impossible.

I'm down at NYU
doing a medical conference.

He said to tell you
he was buying.

Ah. Well, maybe I can
get out early.

So, you're going
downtown, John?

Could you do me a favor
and pick up some tickets for me?

Stevie Wonder is playing tonight
at the Garden.

You're gonna go see
Stevie Wonder?

-Yep.
-How will you know?

Who's the opening act,
uh, Jose Feliciano?

Ray Charles?

You done?

Uh... yeah.

JAKE: You gonna pick up
the tickets or not?

All right, all right, yeah,
I'll pick up your damn tickets.

-Thank you.
-Is this the address?

-Yep.
-346 East...

Well, you wrote off the edge
of the paper again, Jake.

I'm sorry.
East 50th Street.

-Thank you, thank you.
-All right, fine.

Hey, you know something?

I'll be back around 5:00.

Why don't...
why don't you, uh, call

and make dinner reservations
for the four of us.

Us? You-you want me
to come with you?

Uh, you mean, like,
as a... as a couple?

Well, he's bringing his wife.

I thought I'd bring my... you.

Uh, wait-wait-wait-wait-wait.

Wait-wait-wait.
This-this is the first time

I'm meeting any
of your friends.

I mean, how-how are you
gonna introduce me?

I don't know. "This is Chris"?

That's it?
Just "this is Chris"?

Well, how will they know
if I'm Chris the friend,

Chris the girlfriend

or Chris the hooker
you hired just to impress them?

Well, why don't I wait
and see what you wear.

Mr. Aronson,
we've run all the tests.

You don't have
chronic fatigue syndrome,

you don't have mono,
you don't have narcolepsy.

It's my professional opinion
you're just a lazy bastard.

Now, get back to work. Go on.

(sighs)
Where's my next patient?

Mrs. Levy canceled.

The two quarters
her son swallowed

are back in circulation.

All right, great,
I get to leave early, then.

I want to get down
to the conference

before they give away
all that free stuff.

Remember that, uh...

remember that nudie pen
I got last year?

You know, the one you tilted it

and the nurse's uniform
slid off.

I loved that thing,

I wonder what the hell
ever happened to that.

I threw it in the trash,

same as I'll do
with the next one.

-(computer beeps)
-(loud gasp)

-What's wrong?
-Nothing.

Damn! This can't be happening.

No!

Linda, what is wrong?

Nothing.

Step away from the computer.

Why does the screen say
"fatal error"?

I don't know.

And where is the file
of Medicare claims

that we have been entering
for the last three weeks?

I don't know.

Linda, what did you do?

I don't know!

I was illegally downloading
music off the Internet,

and I got bored...

so I decided to do
a little work.

But when I tried
to open the file,

the screen
just said "fatal error,"

and I'm sorry,
and don't yell at me.

0h, Linda, how could you
have deleted that whole file?

If we don't submit those claims
by tonight,

we could lose thousands
in reimbursements.

BECKER:
Well, I'm out of here.

Please don't tell him.
Please don't tell him.

Please don't tell him.

Don't tell me what?

-Nothing.
-Nothing.

Guess it's just not your day.

(chuckles)

-Excuse me.
-Yeah?

How many more stops
to Chambers Street?

Chambers Street?
That's downtown.

You're on the uptown express.

You're going
in the wrong direction.

I am?

Oh, I must have gotten
on the wrong train.

Well, it's no big deal.

Just get off at the next stop,

cross over,
take the train downtown

to 42nd Street, then grab
the crosstown shuttle.

Does that go uptown
or downtown?

Neither. It goes crosstown.

That's why they call it
the crosstown shuttle.

But I'm trying to go downtown.

Why would I go across?

Because you're on
the east side going uptown.

You want to go crosstown
to the west side

so you can go downtown.

Here, let me show you
on the map.

It's easy. Look.

You're right here, right,
and you want to go... Hey!

Guess it's just not your day.

All right,
where is John already?

I mean,
he should've been back by now.

I told Gloria
I'd pick her up at 6:00,

and I can't leave
without those tickets.

Jake, think about it.

Somebody's buying him dinner.

-The man will be back.
-Yes.

You're sure your friend
wanted us to meet him here?

You wrote down the wrong
address, didn't you, Dickey?

Don't start with me, Donna.

I wrote down exactly
what his nurse told me.

Sure you did.

Uh, waitress?

0h, actually, I'm, uh...
I'm not a waitress.

(chuckles)
I-I run the place.

Oh, how wonderful for you.

Uh, can I help you?

Um, I'm supposed to meet

a friend of mine here,
Dr. John Becker.

0h, Dickey.

-Well, yeah. How are you?
-Hey. Hi. Hi.

And you must be Donna.

Um, well, uh, I'm Chris Connor,
uh, John's, um...

well, uh, girlfriend, I guess.

-(Laughs)
-0h.

That's the first time
I've said that out loud.

Big day for you, huh?

-She's joking. (chuckles)
-0kay.

Uh, John should be back
any second.

Why don't you sit down,
I'll get you a cup of coffee.

Oh, thank God.
I'll have a half-caf grande

non-fat double macchiato.

(cackling laughter)

Actually, all I have
is-is regular and decaf.

Regular coffee will be
just fine, thank you.

In a clean cup.

0h, a clean cup?

0h, I'll see what I can do.

What a bitch.

Come on, John's friends.
Be nice, be nice.

Hey, folks, how you doing?

Oh, for God's sake,
give him a dollar.

Uh, actually,
I'm a friend of John's.

I'm Jake Malinak.

0h, I'm-I'm sorry.
Nice to meet you.

I run the news stand over here.

Oh, you hear that, Donna?

He's blind, and he
owns his own business.

It's a news stand, not Microsoft.

Not just a bitch;
a patronizing bitch.

Linda, what did you do?

I can't find that file anywhere.

Not my fault, not my fault,
not my fault.

Stop it! It is your fault.

If you had been concentrating

on your job,
this wouldn't have happened.

You screwed up, and you're
gonna have to deal with it.

You're right.

I'll set fire to the office

and make it look
like an accident.

Linda!

I dated a fireman.
I know how to do it.

Linda!

The insurance company
will cover it.

We can make a fresh start.

We can move to Florida,
get new faces, new fingerprints.

I dated someone in the FBI.
I know how to do it.

Linda! Just get a hold
of yourself and stop it!

Now, now, we will solve this.

I'll call the computer guy,
but whatever it costs

is coming out of your salary.

Why is your plan
better than my plan?

Yeah, I-I know, I know.

At Disneyland, they have a train
that goes in one big circle.

But this is New York.

Disney only owns part of it.

Now, are you clear
about where you're going?

I'm terrible with directions.

If I could just
write this down...

Now, I know I...
I have a pen here somewhere.

I'm sorry, do you mind?

I know I... I put it...

The pen... Here.

Let's see.

And these.

I lost a ring in 1964.

I wonder if you have it.

Wait, wait, wait,
this is ridiculous.

Here, put this all back.

Here, look...

-I got a pen right here.
-0h.

You can use this.

Oh, my.

It's okay, I'm a doctor.

I'm allowed to look at that.

MAN (over intercom):
Next stop, 59th Street.

All right, you get off
at this stop.

Then you cross over,
and you take the downtown...

I just need something
to write on, and I can't...

-(drops pen)
-Let me see. 0h...

Careful. Here, I...
Oh, no, no, don't step on it.

-Wait, don't, don't...
-0h... oh, dear.

-0h. 0h.
-0h...

I'm so sorry.

Still not your day, is it?

0h, great, no signal.

Just when you want one of these
damn cell phones to work

is the one time they don't.

Are you all right?

No, I'm not all right.

I'm late. I've got people
waiting for me for dinner.

I also have tickets
for a blind guy

who's going to go
see Stevie Wonder.

Well, that's ironic, isn't it?

Look, look, look,
are you clear about

where you have to go now?

Yes, I think so.

This is Times Square.

No-no-no!
This is East 42nd Street.

Look, look, you go
down that corridor,

you take the crosstown shuttle
to Times Square,

then look for signs, the IRT.

Not the IND, but the IRT.

Then take either the number one,
the number three or...

You're-you're not getting
any of this, are you?

It's terribly confusing.

In Connecticut,
you drive everywhere.

Oh, dear God,
you still have a license?

Well...

No. Not since I backed
into that police car.

You know, maybe that's nature's
way of saying, "Stay home."

I can't. I have to go downtown.

All right.

I'll be fine.
Thank you for everything.

Yeah, all right, all right.

Okay, hey, look, I'm going
to take you there myself.

-No, no. I can't
ask you to do that. -Yeah.

Yeah, well, I don't want
to pick up a newspaper

five years from now
and read about how they found

a skeleton holding a purse with
a thousand Sweet & Low's in it.

-Now, come on. Come on, come on.
-0h...

Pick up the pace. Come on.

John should be back any minute.

You know, the restaurant's
right around the corner.

I think you'll like it.

Uh, it's French. Kind of.

Oh, what better way to kick off
three weeks in Provence

than "kind of French food"
in the Bronx.

Donna, I know
we're going to France,

but that doesn't mean
you have to practice being rude.

Fine. You wait for your friend,
I'll go to the bathroom.

You do have a bathroom?

You mean inside?

Well, you're in luck.
We just put one in.

How nice.

I-I'm really sorry.

She's not always like this.

No, no, I meant John being late.

0h.

Then who am I kidding?
She's a pain in the ass.

Okay, I have searched
every file in every directory.

Nothing's coming up.

What's he saying?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

What's he saying?
What's he saying?

He's saying that
whoever's talking

in the background
should be quiet.

Can you believe that?
He's trying to help you,

and someone over there
in his office won't shut up.

Oh... oh.

Uh-huh.

Okay. Okay.

-(computer beeps)
-(screams)

There it is! There it is!

You found it!

As you may have heard,
we found it.

Thank you.

0h, Margaret,
Margaret, we did it!

Thank God we did it!

If, by "we," you mean
one of us screwed up

and the other one of us
fixed it,

then yes, you're right,
we did it.

And now for the lecture...

After all these years,
you would think that

you'd learn to take some pride
in what you do.

I do... sometimes.

Well, you didn't at 6:23
on Friday night

when you screwed up
and almost lost this file.

6:23 on a Friday? Are you high?

I'm so gone by then.

You're the only one
who stays that late.

Margaret,
I didn't lose this file.

You did.

Well, why harp
on who did what, when?

I'm going to make some tea.

Would you like a cup?

Oh, no.

That might work in China,
but not here.

You were so ready to believe
this was my fault,

you even had me convinced.

Okay, Linda, I'm sorry.

Not good enough!

Yes, I do screw up,

but I also do a lot
of good things around here.

I'm the one who draws pictures

with the little kids
when they're scared.

I'm the one who talks to the
old people when they're lonely.

And why do you think we have
so many young male patients?

Because I've got an ass
like a 16-year-old boy,

which, for some reason,
guys seem to like.

Okay, I know I come down hard
on you sometimes,

and I guess you do make a lot
of contributions to this office,

and I'm sorry
I never noticed it.

Thanks, Margaret.

That really means a lot.

-Good night.
-Good night.

Oh, and by the way,
I may have misplaced

the results
of somebody's blood test.

You did? Whose?

-Is Mr. Moretti still alive?
-Yeah.

Then never mind, I'm good.

See you later.

Hey, John, it's Jake.

Uh, just in case you didn't get
any of my last 25 messages,

uh, let-let me leave you
another one.

Where are my damn tickets?!

Problem there, Stevie?

You seem a little
"uptight and outta sight."

I can't imagine
what's keeping John.

Well, there is one benefit,
I guess, of being here:

We can cancel that tour
of the Paris sewers.

It's redundant now.

(clears throat) Did, uh...
did John ever tell you

about the time
back in med school,

we stole this cadaver...

And the police pulled him over
and didn't know he was dead.

God, how many times
do I have to hear this story?

Well, well, I haven't heard it.

What happened to the cadaver?

I married it.

That's it. You can stay
with the waitress.

I'm going to Paris
and shop my ass off.

Actually, I'm gonna shop
your ass off.

I would ask you
to give John my regrets,

but it seems
I'm taking them to Paris.

If I ever see John again,
I'm gonna kill him.

I ran home,
changed my clothes, come back,

and then I'm stuck here
with Dickey and "The Witch."

And then he doesn't even
have the decency to call.

Swear he never thinks
of anyone but himself.

Okay, you said you wanted
to get to Chambers Street,

we're at Chambers Street.

Now all you have to do
is follow the signs

that say "to street."

Think you can manage that?

Yes.

And thank you for everything.

Yeah, yeah.
Now, if you don't mind,

I'm going to go catch
an uptown train

and try to salvage
what's left of my evening.

What's wrong now?

(signs)

I can't do it.

It's-it's not that hard.

You just go toward the light.

He would have been 40 today.

Who? Wh-Who would have been 40?

My son.

It's funny.

He got to work early
that morning

and called me just to chat...

about dinner that weekend,

a trip he was planning...

the weather.

It was such a beautiful
September day.

He said he could see
practically all of Manhattan

from his office.

He loved that view.

Then he had to go to a meeting.

Didn't even say good-bye.

Just said he'd call me later.

I did the dishes.

I made coffee.

And then I...

(sighs)

...just happened
to turn on the TV.

Ever since,
I've thought of all the things

I would have said if I'd...

known I'd never talk
to him again.

I'm so sorry.

(sighs)

I've been telling myself
to come down here ever since...

since it happened.

Now I finally made it, and...

I can't go up there.

I'm afraid to look and...

(sighs)

...and see all that emptiness.

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