Becker (1998–2004): Season 5, Episode 9 - Blind Injustice - full transcript

II

Chris, hurry up. Here he comes.

I'm ready for him.

No time to talk. I gotta run.

-I'm going to need a...
-Paper?

-0h, yeah. Also a...
-Coffee.

-0h, thanks. And a...
Cigarette.

0h, hmm. Mmm-mmm—mmm.

I love Wednesdays.
It's so peaceful.

Yeah, I wish he'd give lectures
at the hospital

-every morning.
-Mmm. I'll be right back.



Okay, I'm going to take a look
at your toilet.

Why? There's nothing
wrong with it.

Well, I was trying to be polite.
I've gotta take a leak.

CHRIS:
Be right there.

Oh'.!

It's not what it looks like.

Uh, I guess I'll have
to take your word for that.

(chuckling)

Oh, you're blind. Oh, sorry.

No, I-I just meant
that I was in your way.

I was just trying to leave.

Oh, well, let me
get the door for you.

0h, thanks, fella.
Have a good one.

Hey, you, too. Have a nice day.



What a nice guy.

I can't believe it. $346 gone.

Wow.

Kind of irresponsible,
don't you think?

I mean, leaving
the register alone...

Shut up, Bob!

Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm just...

I'm really upset about
the robbery.

That's all right.

Still, kind of irresponsible,
don't you think?

-Shut up, Bob!
-You know, Chris is right.

It's not her fault.
It's my fault.

I can't believe I let that guy
just walk right past me.

No, no, no, it's okay, Jake.

How could you know?
And besides, it's done.

No use getting all upset
over it now.

Gee, Chris,
under the circumstances,

you're being awfully calm.

I took a Xanax
the size of your head.

All righty,

let's go over the facts
of the case one more time.

Oatmeal, hot cakes,
side of bacon...

Oops, wrong pad.

So, you say you were in the can
when this happened?

That's right, Officer.

I was nowhere near
the crime scene.

I was just in there.

Believe me,
it's a crime scene.

You were in the back?

So that means you
were the only one

out here with the robber?

That's right.

Ladies and gentlemen,
our eyewitness.

So, you're in your news stand,
he enters...

Actually, uh, I was coming in
as he was leaving.

So he passed you on the way out?

Well, not exactly.
He, uh, bumped into me.

Did he say anything?

"Thank you."

For what?

Holding the door open for him.

You held the door for him?

It-it-it's okay, Jake.
You didn't know.

Did you say anything?

Um, just, uh...

"Have a nice day."

Aw, man!

Why didn't you just
drive him to the bank

and make the deposit for him?

You know, if the hospital
is going to invite me

to lecture students, the least
they can do is pay for parking.

A buck-fifty every 20 minutes.

I never talked
so fast in my life.

Wh-Wh-Where are my cigarettes?

The diner was robbed.

They cleaned out the register.

-You're kidding me!
-Yeah.

I had half a pack in there.

John, I lost $346!

Where'd you get
that kind of money?

Who'd you rob?

I had a good day yesterday.

Let's get to the crappy one

you're having today,
all right, ma'am?

Oh, yeah, look who it is.
I remember you.

Yeah, and-and I remember you.

Sissy doctor who got shot
at the gay bar.

Near the gay bar.

Potato, tomato...

I knew it.

What, you think I'm gay?

No, no, it just makes sense

that someone
would have shot you by now.

0h... thanks very much.

What happened, anyway?
Someone break in?

No, the diner was open.
I was in the back.

And I was in the can.

So no one was watching
my cigarettes?

I was here, but, you know,

I guess that
really doesn't count.

You were in here with the guy?
What happened?

(chuckling):
You're gonna love this.

He held the door for him

and told him
to have a nice day.

Aw, man!

Oh, no, will you guys
leave him alone?

He feels bad enough
he let the guy

just waltz out of here
with all my money.

But it's okay, Jake. Really.

Well, at least you know
you're looking for a smoker.

Mmm. Check for yellow fingers
and a raspy cough.

And I remember the guy
had a Bronx accent.

Well, there you go.

That, a set of fingerprints
and a signed confession--

I think we got this guy.

All righty-roo!

I think I got everything
I need to go on.

So you think you can catch him?

No, no, it's just
an expression cops use

to get out of the room.
See you, folks.

Ugh, I can't believe
this happened.

I can't believe
I let this happen.

Well, m-maybe it's a...
a good sign.

How?

Well, clearly this
is the last place

anyone would want to rob,

so maybe they're
finally finished.

You know, no more crime
in New York.

I mean, what could be
after this

on the list of places to rob?

Oh, dear God, my apartment!

Mr. Connelly,
what's bothering you?

I think I have a rash.

There's an itching
and a burning

and, uh, maybe some swelling.

All righty, let's take a look.

Well, it's not in a good place.

Never is.

It's under, uh...
it's under my, uh...

Yeah, unfortunately, there's
nothing I haven't seen before.

So, just take your pants off
and let's get this over with.

It's actually above the waist.

-All right, so take
your shirt off. -Higher.

Yeah, I charge by the minute.
You want to go again?

So you have a rash
and you're bald, huh?

Hi.

I'm Cliff, Capricorn Sales.

-I'm Linda, Capricorn rising.
-(chuckles)

Can I help you?

Uh, I'm here to have lunch
with Dr. Becker.

Really? Why?

Can I help you?

0h, thanks, Margaret.
That'd be great.

Uh, hi. I'm Cliff Bennett
with Capricorn Sales.

I'm here to take Dr. Becker
to lunch.

Really? Why?

Could you just tell
the doctor I'm here?

Are you sure you didn't
get your dates mixed up?

Because you're not in my book.

-Is that your handwriting?
-Yes, it is.

And I would know
if the doctor had a lunch...

You know, handwriting
says a lot about a person.

Oh, really? What does mine say?

That you're sweet and stylish.

Where do you see that?

Right there... in your I's.

(giggling)

Wha... what else do you see?

Oh, that you're also
fun-loving and adventurous

and a little forgetful...

when it comes to writing down
appointments.

(giggling)

Well, I do love fun.

Well, it looks like
you're allergic to toupee glue.

I think I'd go topless
for a few weeks if I were you.

Out of the question.
I need my hair.

I can't make a living
without it.

Let me guess, what, male model?

No, I'm in real estate.

My picture's on bus benches
all over town.

0h... right, right.

I've been sitting
on your face for years.

Ha... I'll be damned.

-John?
-Yeah?

There's a Cliff Bennett
from Capricorn Sales

-here to have lunch with you.
-0h...

Yeah, no, not that salesman.
Just get rid of him.

Last time I went out
with one of those guys,

I-I bought 500 monogrammed
reflex hammers.

Yeah, I remember that Christmas.

Look, I need my toupee.
I'm a businessman.

People trust me with hair.

Nobody trusts you.
You sell real estate.

Oh, come on, Dr. Becker,
nobody knows I wear a toupee.

-We||...
-John, you're off the hook.

I'm having lunch with him.

Fine. Just don't buy anything.

I've been wanting
to do this for years.

It's all set up, Chris.

This security camera
should keep you safe.

All right, thanks a lot, Bob.

Yeah... Where-where are
the monitors?

Where-where are the wires here?

Oh, there aren't any. It's fake.

Well, what am I supposed to do,

hit people
over the head with it?

You'd have to hit them
pretty hard.

-It's made of cardboard.
-0h...

-Hi.
-BOB: Hey.

0h, is that the same kind
of bogus camera

you put up in our building?

Nah, this one's a little more
sophisticated.

It's got a silent alarm.

Hey, Jake. Where you been?

Just out.
Had some thinking to do.

What's the matter, buddy?

Yeah, you seem kind of down.

I don't know,
maybe it's the weather.

Or maybe it's the fact
that I practically

high-fived the robber
as he walked out with your cash.

I get depressed when it rains.

With your life, it's the rain
that gets to you?

I'm lucky that way.

Jake, it's okay.
It is not your fault.

I mean, you don't understand.

I mean, when...
when I get up in the morning,

I think of myself
as just another guy.

You know, a guy with a job,
who... who has friends,

who... who likes music,
who goes out.

But every once in a while,
something will happen

to remind me that what I am,
before any of those things,

is blind.

I'm handicapped.

You don't know what that's like.
I mean, even at my best, I'm...

I'm still less
than everyone else.

-Jake, you know...
-No, please, please.

Come on, just...
just leave me alone.

Well, somebody's got
to say something to him.

It would probably mean more
coming from one of you,

since I don't know
him that well.

-That's true. We are
his best friends. -Yeah.

-Not it!
-Oh...

All right.

Look, Jake,

this wallowing around
in self-pity

makes me want to puke.

I think we sent in
the wrong guy.

But since it's you, you know,

I guess I ought to think
of something to say

to pick you up here.

Um...

Boy, I got nothing.

Uh, oh, wait, I...
All right, listen, here. Hey.

What a... what about you and me
going to a hockey game?

I'm really not feeling like it.

What-what is the matter
with you? What...?

BECKER:
What?

You invite a blind guy
to a hockey game?

What, so he can feel more lost,
more ridiculous,

more out of the loop?

Well, actually, I love hockey.

No, no, please, please,
you don't have

to try to make John
feel less stupid.

I mean, my God!

Why don't you offer to take him
to see the Grand Canyon

or-or the Painted Desert
or see Paris

from the top
of the Eiffel Tower?

You know, while you're at it,

why don't you ask him
how he feels about the fact

that he'll never be able
to look into his bride's eyes

on his wedding day,

or see the smile on the face
of his firstborn child?

Oh, God! (groans)

See what you did?

Dr. Becker, Margaret's
not back from lunch yet,

and I'm not tattling;
I'm just worried.

Okay, I'm tattling a little.

Yeah, well, I'm worried.

She went out
with that salesperson.

(humming)

Oh, there you are.

Yeah, please tell me
you didn't buy anything.

0h, relax. Cliff didn't even try
to sell me anything.

0h, Cliff? So now you're on
a first-name basis?

(chuckles) 0h, he was
perfectly charming!

He took me to this cute
little Italian place.

We had a glass
of wine, we talked.

It was like visiting
with an old friend.

Margaret, you're blushing...
I think.

-Did he hit on you?
-No.

Well, his-his hand may have
brushed against mine

when I passed him the salt,

but I don't think
he was hitting on me.

If you ask me,

I think he wanted the salt
and a little sugar.

Oh, come on. He was just
trying to make a sale.

-How do you know?
-Because I know these guys.

They'd hit on a stapler
if it could place an order.

They-they lie,
they sweet-talk you,

they say anything they have to

until you give them
all your money.

Fine, John.
He wasn't hitting on me.

He was just trying
to make a sale.

I mean, God forbid
after 20 years of marriage

somebody should pay me
a compliment,

like they like my blouse
or they find me charming.

As a matter of fact,
I married Lewis

just so I could never hear
another compliment again.

-I liked your blouse yesterday.
-Aah!

You're kidding me.
The one with the poodles?

Oh, I thought they were clouds.
Never mind.

You know, John, I'm-I'm really
not in the mood for hockey.

I think I'll just call a cab
and go home.

Oh, come on. At least
fake a little enthusiasm.

I really put myself out here.

Oh, yeah, I forgot.
It's all about you.

If it were about me,
I wouldn't be here with you.

Come on, man.
Let's have some fun.

Excuse me.
Would you pass the relish?

Thanks, fella. Have a good one.

Oh, my God, that-that voice.

-That was him.
-Who?

The guy you just passed
the relish to,

that's the guy
that robbed Chris.

-How do you know?
-Because that's what

he said to me at the diner.

"Pass the relish"?

No. He said, "Thanks, fella.
Have a good one."

There are, like,
a million people in New York.

What are the odds of running
into the right guy?

Hey, listen, John,
I know it may sound crazy,

but I could pick
his voice out anywhere.

Believe me, John, I recognize
people by their accents,

inflection, speech patterns.

All right, all right,
let's say it's him.

What do you want me to do?

Well, get a cop.

There aren't any around.

Well then,
make a citizen's arrest.

A citizen's arrest?

What do you think this is,
a movie?

That's not real.

Please, John, don't let him
get away, all right?

Listen, this is my last chance
to make things right.

The-the... People get away
with crimes every day.

Can't he be one of them?

Please.

0h, all right.

Excuse me.

Hey, you want this?

Oh, yeah, thanks.

Um, look, I know this is
going to sound a little odd,

but I-I need to...
I need to arrest you.

What?

Yeah, yeah.
You're-you're under arrest.

You a cop?

No, I'm a doctor.

Well, I feel fine,
so get away from me.

Look, help me out here,
will you?

This is a little awkward.

You're under arrest for robbing
a diner in the Bronx.

What? I didn't rob any diner.

Yeah, you did!

My friend here says
he recognizes you.

The blind guy?

All right, so he can't see.

But he heard you say...
What did... what did you...?

You said, "Thanks, fella.
Have a good one."

Yeah, that.
See, that's the proof.

Now, I'm just going
to have to hold you here

until I can find a cop.

Oh, and by the way,
whatever you say

can and will be held
against you.

Oh, yeah? Up yours.

Yeah, like that. See, that's
gonna be held against you.

Yeah? Get out of my way.

No, hey, I'm serious.
Come back here!

-Hey, hey, hey!
-Hey, hey, hey! Whoa, whoa!

Hey, hey, hey!

What's your problem here,
buddy? Huh, pal?

Jake?
-You want to...

Do you want to start
something, huh?

Fine, let's start something.

Hey! Hey! (screaming)

Police! Police!

Jake, help me out here,
will you?

So, like any good citizen,

you know,
I-I apprehended the guy.

Now, I don't like to use
the word "hero," you know,

but if other people think
it's appropriate, you know,

what am I going to do about it?

Dr. Becker,
what I don't understand is,

if this guy
was so much bigger than you,

how did you wrestle him
to the ground?

Well, Linda,
you-you'd be surprised

how much strength you have
when you really need it.

Where are we going
to get the strength

to listen to that story again?

Hello, Margaret.

Hello, Cliff.

Hi, there.
How are you today?

Linda, go make coffee.

I already made coffee.

Then go drink it.

Can I help you?

Well, I had such a good time
at lunch yesterday,

I thought maybe you'd like
to join me again today.

Sorry. Busy.

Oh, well, o-okay.

May-Maybe tomorrow.

Because you mentioned
you like Thai food, and I found

-a great Thai...
-0h, why don't you just save it

for someone who's actually gonna
buy something from you?

Ex-Excuse me?

Oh, look, I know
you were just being nice

so you could make a sale.

Well, that's not gonna happen.

Do you really think
I would do that?

I mean, yes, I have
to take clients to lunch

and be nice to them,

but when we were together
yesterday,

that was the first time
in a long time

that I actually forgot
I had a job.

Well, let's say
I do believe you,

that you weren't trying
to make a sale.

Well, what was everything else?

I mean, what were
all the compliments?

Margaret, you're a beautiful,
charming, intelligent woman,

and I enjoyed
spending time with you.

But you must hear that
all the time.

(giggles)

Well, not all the time.

-Well, you should.
wiggling)

See? You're doing it again.

Are you hitting on me?

Hitting on you? No.

But only because you're married.

Yes, yes, I am.

I'm-I'm married to, uh...

(coughs):
Lewis.

Yes, Lewis.

Well, um, are you still
too busy to have lunch?

I mean, just as friends?

Well, a girl's got to eat.

And if it makes you
feel any better,

I'll even let you pay.

0h, now, let's not get crazy.

Jake, it's just so amazing
the way you were able

to pick that guy out
by the sound of his voice.

Ah, thanks, Chris.
You-you know what they say,

"You lose one sense,
the other ones get stronger."

You're like a blind
superhero.

Yeah, Stevie Wonder Man.

I can't wait
to see the action figure.

You wind it up, and it walks
through a plate-glass window.

BECKER:
Hey, Bob,

you have no idea what it took
to bring this guy down.

You squirted mustard
in his face.

Spicy mustard.

Yeah, the neighborhood's
been getting a little rough.

I was going to get a stun gun,

but I think I'll just go
to the market

-and get a jar of Grey Poupon.
-Yeah.

Uh, you know what,
I better get going.

I got to get to the cleaners
before they close.

-Uh, hey, Jake?
-Yeah.

The bank is right on your way.

Would you make
this deposit for me?

Oh, well, yeah,
I-I'd be glad to.

And your money's safe with me.

I'm not worried.
I know it will be.

(Jake laughs)

Uh, Jake, that's the...

The bathroom. Yes, I know.

The bank doesn't like it

when you pee
in the night-deposit slot.

Afternoon, ladies.

0h, geez.

Well, well, well.

Heard about your little
citizen's arrest.

Glad you were safe
and used a condiment.

Get it?

Ah, the hell with you people.
That killed down at the station.

You know, maybe if you spent
less time making jokes,

ordinary citizens wouldn't have
to do your job.

Ooh, easy there, Nancy.

You'd have a better point
if you'd caught the right guy.

What?

You "arrested" the wrong man.

You're lucky he didn't
press charges.

We caught the right guy
this morning

running out of a jewelry store
down the street.

Whew, pretty tough customer.

We didn't have any mustard.

We brought him down
with half a buttered bagel.

See you, folks.

Wow, you must feel ridiculous.

Hey, you know,
eventually that guy

would have committed some crime.

I just... pre-arrested him,
that's all.

Hey, was that Detective Borkow
I heard?

Was he here to thank us?

Not exactly.

Actually, he wanted to...

Yeah, he-he wanted to, uh...
uh, to thank you himself.

He came all the way down here

just to tell you how impressed
he was with you.

-Really?
-Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I am, too, buddy.

Hey, wow, thanks a lot.
That-that means a lot to me.

All right, well,
I'm off to the bank.

I'll see you later.

That was nice of you.

What?

The way you let Jake
keep his pride.

No, no, no. I just didn't want

to hear him feeling sorry
for himself again.

Trust me. I did it for myself.

No, no, no.

You did it for him.

You're a good friend.

Following Jake to the bank?

Yeah.
He'll never know I'm there.