Becker (1998–2004): Season 4, Episode 24 - Everybody Loves Becker - full transcript

Previously on becker...
John, this is chris.

She just moved
to the city.

Let me explain something.

Around here, you turn
the other cheek,

You get hit in
the other cheek.

All I meant was, there's
enough conflict in the world.

Why make more?

I don't make conflict.

Yet you're always around
when it happens.

It must be hard to
live like you do.

Always think everybody's
out to get you.



I know it's none
of my business,

But I just
wanted to say...

Becker, I heard
from chris.

Who cares?

Well, yesterday you were
asking all about her, so...

I don't care about her.
Why? What did she want?

I'll tell you who has feelings.
Becker for chris.

I mean, it's pathetic.

Have you ever seen someone
act out so much in your life?

(bangs door)

So who knew
after all these years,

Reggie would be interested
in becker?

I guess all it took
was for him

To be interested
in someone else.



You know how something can be
right in front of your face

And you never notice it?

Then something happens
to make you notice it

And then you wonder

Why you never noticed it
to begin with?

I never really noticed.

You know what?

Uh... Forget it.

I really should go.

Okay.

God, I'm so lame.

Hey, reg.

Oh, look, becker,
about last night...

Yeah, yeah, about that.

I think I know
what was going on.

You do?

Well, look,
I should ex...

You were drunk, weren't you?

Yes, that's it, I was drunk.

I'm so glad
you figured it out.

Well, hey, you
know, no big deal.

I've been there plenty
of times, believe me.

You just had one
of those nights

Where it finally hits you

Just how pitiful
your life is.

Yes, that's it.

Yeah, you get so depressed,
you have a drink.

One drink leads
to four or five.

You end up getting so wasted,
before you know it,

You're making an ass
of yourself.

Like you did last night
at my apartment.

Yes, yes.

That's what happened.

What was that about?
Reggie was drinking?

Oh, she just had
a bad night.

I talked to her.

I think she's
feeling better.

Gee, most people
don't start drinking

Till after they talk to you.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, chris, welcome back.

Oh, I'm glad to be back.

I had a wonderful trip.

The weather was beautiful.

Saw a lot of old friends.

And I even found my old...
Excuse me.

Ever occur to you that
jake and I might be having

A very important
conversation?

Chris:
Oh, my mistake.

Please continue.

Well, the moment's
gone now.

All I was going to say
was that when I was home,

I found all my old
racquetball stuff

And now I'm dying to play.

Anybody want to join me?

Blind guy in a small room
swinging a piece of wood around.

You sure you want
to take that chance?

How about you, reggie?

Oh, no, I got really hurt once
on a racquetball court.

Oh, did you sprain something?

No, that's where
my boyfriend dumped me.

Don't look at me.

Racquetball's really not
my sport.

What is your sport?

You're looking at it.

I can't believe
there's not one person here

Who wants to play racquetball.

Racquetball?
Bob loves racquetball.

I was, like,
all-city racquetball.

My middle name is racquetball.

Well, actually, it's benito,

But that seems to have gone
out of fashion.

All right, we're on.
I'll reserve a court at the y.

3:00 okay?

Perfect. See you there.
Can't wait.

Me, you, racquetball.

Okay, what's racquetball?

Uh-huh.

Sounds good.

All right, julie,
I'll see you soon.

Big plans for the evening?

Oh, not really.

We're just going
to grab something to eat,

Maybe go to a club.

What are you doing
tonight?

Well, let's see.

Um, I'm going to go home
and, uh, get dinner started.

It's Tuesday, so that
means mac and cheese.

Um, louis and I will eat
in front of the television.

He'll fall asleep,
I'll do the crossword,

Go to bed, get up, and
start all over tomorrow.

What's this for?

All of it.

What do you mean?

Your life,
it's just so... Dull.

My life isn't dull.

Sometimes I cut up little hot
dogs into the mac and cheese.

Stop that!

I can't help it.

You need a night out.

Look, come with julie
and me.

We'll go to dinner
and maybe go dancing.

It'll be fun.

On a Tuesday?

Ooh, I don't know.

No, you have to come with me,
or else it'll ruin my night.

I'll be out somewhere having fun

And then I'll start
thinking of you

With the mac and the cheese
and the hot dogs

And louis.

Look, just do it for me, okay?

All right,
almost there.

One more step.

Oh, my god,
are you all right?

I'll get john.

What happened?

Ow. I'm not really sure.

Uh, we were playing
racquetball.

I-I don't know if I was going
for the ball or bob was.

I've never seen anyone
move that fast.

Bob?

He-he was a blur.

The guy's in street clothes
and a leather jacket

And he's running up the walls
like in the matrix.

I was pretty good,
wasn't I?

What'd you do,
twist your ankle?

No, no, it's my knee.

It's happened before.

It's, it's like it popped out
of the socket or something.

Ew, gross.
Linda.

Well, it is.

Becker:
Let's get you back

To an exam room.

I'll take a look.

We'll, okay, we'll do
this again soon, okay?

Well, you know,
everything up to the point

Where you were curled up in
a ball on the floor, screaming.

It's amazing how many
of my dates end that way.

John, do you want me
to stay or...?

No, no, no.
Go on home, margaret.

I don't want you to miss
mac-and-cheese night.

How do you know
it's mac-and-cheese night?

It's Tuesday.

You, me, let's go.

Sorry to bother
you like this.

I would have gone to
the emergency room,

But they make you
wait, like, ten hours

Before anyone helps you

And the only thing
they really care about

Is how you're going
to pay.

Yeah, they are
pretty heartless.

You-you do have insurance,
don't you?

Yes.

Okay, then, let's
take a look here.

You know, the last time
I popped my knee out like this,

I was sunbathing in mexico.

You popped your knee
out sunbathing?

Well... It's kind of
a funny story, really.

I was in this lounge chair and
it actually folded up on me,

You know, like in a cartoon?

Even an injury amuses you?

Can't... Can't you just bitch
and moan like everybody else?

Ow! Ow! Ow! That hurts!

That's more like it.

Ow!

Oh!

Ooh...

Ooh, you just...
You just popped it back in.

How'd you do that?

Who knows?

I just moved stuff around
until you stopped screaming.

No, you don't understand.

I had my hand
on chris' knee.

Okay, maybe I'm missing
something here.

Why is that a problem?

Because she's a woman.

I'm not supposed
to notice that.

You know, a patient
is a patient.

And they're just
parts with insurance.

There's your ad
for the yellow pages.

You know, I-I don't
even understand

Why I had feelings like
that for her at all.

I mean... What are you trying
to say, that I like her?

'cause I-I can't stand her.

She's annoying,
she's chirpy...

She sure smells good.

Yeah, yeah, she does.

Th-that's not
the point, jake.

You know, I, I shouldn't have
even looked at her like that.

You know, I-I'm
a professional.

Oh, you know what?

You're absolutely right.

Yeah, sh-she's a
patient, I'm a doctor.

I just won't think of her
as anything more than that.

Thank you, jake.

That really helped.

It was nothing.

Really.

What was that about?

Where did you come from?

It doesn't matter.
What was that about?

Nothing.

Liar.

Sounded to me
like chris

Is throwing
herself at becker.

Of all the doctors in new
york, she has to go to him?

Okay, reg, I think
you're making too big a deal...
What are you saying?

You saying I like becker?

I never said that.

Well, you're wrong.

I'll tell you
what this is.

It's skipper
all over again.

Skipper?

Barbie's younger sister.

Everybody wanted to
play with barbie.

Nobody wanted to
play with skipper.

Then one day

My cousin came over
and picked up skipper--

That was all it took.

I never wanted anything
so bad in my whole life.

So that's all this is.

I'm sure of it.

Thanks, jake.

It helps to talk.

I wouldn't know.

Hey, buddy.
Hey, bob.

All right,
enough chitchat.

We need to talk.

I like chris.
(groans)

What are you saying?

You don't think I
have a shot with her?

Well, let's not forget
who made the first move.

That racquetball game,
she asked me.

And we really clicked.

Every time I hit the
ball, she hit it back.

I think that
means something.

You know, bob...

You know what?
You're right.

I should just go ahead
and ask her out.

Thanks, jake.

I don't know what I did,

But apparently
I'm very good at it.

Sorry to bother you again,

But my knee isn't getting
any better.

I am in so much pain and
I don't know what else to do.

Gee, you should be
feeling better by now.

Let's take another look.

Does it hurt if I do this?

No.

How about this?

No.

How about if
I do this?

(loud snap)

(screaming)

Morning, dr. Becker.

Wow, you look
terrible.

I'm sorry, that
came out wrong.

I mean, awful.

Well, maybe "awful"
is too strong a word,

But you look much
worse than usual.

Thanks so much.

You know,
I had a rough night.

Well, two patients
just canceled,

So you have
a free hour.

Why don't you go into
your office and take a nap?

No, no, no, no,
no, no, no.

No, if I sleep,
I'm gonna dream,

And if I dream,
someone could get hurt.

Uh, you know what?

I think I'm just going
to get some fresh air.

I'll be at the diner
having a cigarette.

Oh, uh, w-where's
margaret?

Oh, she's off giving
home care to mr. Thompson.

Mr. Thompson died last month.

Then she should be back soon.

Not now, louis, get off me.

Ew, gross.

(groans)

Oh, oh, oh.

I came in early

'cause I wanted to sleep
for a few minutes.

What time is it?

It's almost 9:00.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

Well, it's no wonder,

Considering how much
you drank last night.

Who knew
there was such a wild woman

Under that polyester smock?

What did I do?

You drank, you danced,

You stood up and sang
"what's love got to do with it?"

Oh, yeah, the karaoke bar.

That wasn't a karaoke bar--
that was grand central station.

But I distinctly remember

Reading words
going across a screen.

You were watching cnn.

But didn't I sing
into a microphone?

Actually, you grabbed a skinny
bald guy around the neck

And you were
screaming into his head.

I hope you're
happy, jake.

Yesterday when I told
you about chris' knee,

You said it
was nothing.

Well, last night I had a dream

Where I was about to kiss her,
and her leg came off.

You know, you can keep your
freudian theories to yourself.

I don't like her, I don't
want her in my life.

I don't want anybody in my life!

Stop putting those stupid
thoughts into my head!

Why would you tell him that?

Just because becker dreamt
he was with chris

Doesn't mean
he's attracted to her.

I mean, where do you
come up with this stuff?

Like that stupid
skipper story.

Now all I can think about is,
someone took my doll

And I want him back
so I can play with him.

Her.

Well, you know what I mean.

You had to tell me to ask
chris out, didn't you?

Well, thanks to you,
she's in tears right now.

That's right, she said she
could never go out with me

Because I remind her
too much of paolo.

That's right-- paolo.

Her first and
only true love,

Who died tragically
in a tragic accident.

Poor kid was
almost over it, too.

Then I came along with my
dark, athletic good looks

And this faux
leather jacket.

You broke her heart.

Way to go, jake.

If I could see them coming,
I'd hide.

You know
what you need?

Don't say "a little hair
of the dog that bit me."

Well, I don't know

What kind of weird
voodoo you're into,

But I was just going
to suggest a bloody mary.

Margaret, did
the lab call back

With mrs. Kramer's
test results?

I typed them up
and put them on your desk.

And did you submit the
hmo forms from last week?

I filled them out
this morning.

What about the x ray machine?

I called
the repair company

And they'll be here
within the hour.

Good job, margaret.

Yeah, linda, don't
just stand there.

At least look like
you're doing something.

Hi.

What are you
doing here?

Well, I was in the neighborhood,
so I thought I'd stop by.

Linda said to, to come on back.

Oh, linda--
totally useless.

So how's your knee?

Well, my knee's fine,

But, uh, now I'm having
some neck pain.

I don't know
if I hurt it when I fell

Or when bob tried
to give me cpr.

Why would bob give you cpr?

Oh, I think
he just wanted to. Here...

Let me show you
where it hurts.

Actually, I have
a better idea.

Is that a prescription
for painkillers?

No, it's the name
of an orthopedist.

And here's the name
of a good physical therapist.

And here's a referral
for a new gp.

Why would I need a new doctor?
I have you.

I don't want
to treat you anymore.

Why not?

Well, it's your insurance.

I can't accept it.

I'll pay cash.

Look, I'm very busy around here.

We're booked solid.

I can come after work.

I'm too tired after work.

Did something happen since
the last time I was here?

Yeah, look.

You had an emergency,
I took care of that.

Let's just... I don't
want any new patients.

Let's just leave it
at that, all right?

So take your knee and your
neck and get out of here.

Fine.

People say you're
surly and obnoxious,

But they're wrong.

You're just an ass.

My hair hurts.

Margaret, why don't
you just go home?

Oh, no, that's okay,
I'll make it.

But I do want
to thank you, linda.

You have really been
on top of things today.

But it makes me wonder,

Why can't you be
like this every day?

Because this was an emergency.

You see,
margaret,

I'm like
that cute little spare tire,

The one you use
when the real one blows out.

Well, still, it's good to know
that I can count on you.

Well, don't go crazy.

That little tire will get you
to the next gas station,

But it's a really bad idea
to drive it cross country.

Got it.

(knocking at door)

I have been
thinking about it

And I know why you won't
see me as a patient.

I gave you, like,
30 reasons why.

But you didn't give me
the real reason.

It's because you like me.

What? And you know what?

I think I like you, too.

I have no idea why, based on
the rude way you treat me,

But maybe that's just your way
of showing affection.

We'll have to work on that.

Uh, so...

Why don't we
just cut to the chase,

Go out, and see what happens?

Who are you?

What do you mean?

I mean, what planet
do you come from?

Where is it that
people act like you?

You're, you're always
so damn... Happy.

It makes me sick.

I'm not always happy.

Yes, you are.
It's like you love everything.

I don't love everything.
Oh, good, good.

Fantastic.

Let's hear something you hate,
anything.

I just need
to know you're human.

Okay.

Fair's fair.

If I tell you
something I hate,

You have to tell me
something you love.

Yeah, whatever.

All right.

You first.

No, no, no way.
You first.

Okay.

I hate that it's
so important to you

That I hate something.

Nah.

All right, um...

I hate when I get to the end
of a really good book.

That's cheating.

You can't hate something
you already like.

Fine, uh...

I hate my mother.

Wow, home run.

Why?

Oh, because she never...

Oh, no, no, no, no.

You are going to have
to work for that one.

Come on, your turn.
Something you love.

I love knowing there's
something you hate.

Now, come on.

All right, all right.

Something...
Something I love.

All right,
give me a minute.

Well, just...

No, no, wait,
wait, wait...

Ah, ah.

All right, fine.

I love the way it smells
after a rainstorm.

(laughs)

Oh, you were serious?

You know what? This, this
is not going to work.

No, no, no, no, I'm sorry,
I thought you were kidding.

No, really,
forget it.

I think you
should just go.

Is that really
what you want?

No, it isn't.

So, so now what?

What are you, a dope?

Now we kiss.

That was nice.

And a relief.

Why?

Your leg didn't come off.

Easy, killer, it
wasn't that nice.

Whoa, whoa,
wait a minute.

Where, where are you going?

Well, I made the first move.

Why don't you take some time
and think about the next one?

Wha...?

(knocking)

Hey, becker.

What are you doing here so late?

I just came to
get a cigarette.

You came all the way here
for cigarettes?

They sell them
everywhere.

Yeah, but these are
already paid for.

Are you okay?

Fine.

Are you sure?

I mean,
'cause if there's

Something you want
to talk about...

I'm fine.

Okay, you're fine.

Oh, all right.

Chris just came over

And she told me
something she hated,

I told her something
I loved, and...

Then we had
this really great kiss.

Unbelievable.

Yeah, I know.

Who knew she had those
kind of feelings for me?

Yeah, it's amazing
how something like that

Could go right past you.

Well, it's the last thing I need
right now-- a relationship.

But I tell you...

She really gave me
something to think about.

Well, becker...

I hate to make your life
more complicated,

But here's something else
for you to think about.

Huh?

Wha...?