Becker (1998–2004): Season 4, Episode 23 - Much Ado About Nothing - full transcript

John is surprisingly concerned when he learns that his new neighbour Chris has left town without saying goodbye. Reggie assumes that John has more than casual feelings for Chris. Linda sublets her job for a week to a girl who actually manages to do less work than Linda.

Hey, jake.

Hey, darryl,
what can I get you today?

I'm just taking a pack of
cigarettes and some gum.

No magazines for your wife?

No, not today.

Okay, see you.

All right.

Aah, poor guy.

His marriage is falling apart.

What makes you think that?
Hey, listen.

Darryl's been
a customer for years.



I know him
like the back of my hand.

Yeah? And when was the
last time you saw that?

Every Friday he comes in

And buys fashion magazines
for his wife.

Now, all of sudden,
just cigarettes and gum.

So what?

Well, so obviously, he's upset.

He started smoking.

And I'm guessing he got the gum
so his wife won't find out.

Maybe he's just trying
to be considerate.

I mean, I'd love to
date a considerate man.

On the other hand,
I bet the cigarettes

Would get to me, and
I'd ask him to quit.

And then he'd
tell me he did,



But then he'd end up
sneaking them at the office.

And if he'd
lie about that,

Who knows what
he'd lie about?

You know, I bet
he's sleeping

With that slutty
secretary of his!

That's just great.

Now he's not only lying to
me, he's cheating on me.

Well, the hell with
him-- it's over!

I don't know where
you meet these guys.

Morning.

Boy, am I happy to see you.

Oh, that's so nice, becker.

I was talking
to my cigarettes.

So...

What's going on around here?

Well, reggie just split up
with her imaginary boyfriend.

Wow. Even the pretend
ones dump you.

For your information,
I dumped him.

So, where's the human
smiley-face, huh?

Reggie:
Who?

You know,
what's-her-name, chris.

Oh, she hasn't been in today.

Yeah, probably out
putting bluebirds

On people's shoulders.

Actually, I saw her

Getting into a cab last night
with a huge suitcase.

I mean, I watched her trying
to drag it down the stairs

For, like, 20 minutes.

I mean,
she didn't even say good-bye.

Kind of rude, don't you think?

Suitcase, cab? I'm guessing
she's going on a trip.

Thank you,
captain obvious.

You know, chris was
in here yesterday.

And she didn't say anything
about leaving town.

I mean, why would she?

She just started a new job.

She probably quit already.

She's had, what, like about
a thousand different jobs,

And she never stays in one place
for more like five minutes.

What's it to you
if she leaves town?

Does she owe you money?

All I'm saying is, you know,

What kind of way is that
to live?

You know, move on as soon
as you get tired of something?

I tell you what it is.

It's irresponsible.

It's selfish
and it's irresponsible.

(car horn honks)

Aw, geez, that's me,
I double-parked.

(honking)
all right, all right, all right!

Okay, how weird was that?

Yeah, he usually doesn't care
if he's blocking someone in.

No. Suddenly he's
all hot and bothered

About what chris is doing.

What does he care

Whether she's in
town or out of town?

I mean, he's acting like
he likes her. Weird.

Speaking of weird,
what was that?

I mean, suddenly reggie's
a little too concerned

Over what becker
thinks about chris.

She almost sounds jealous.

First of all, reggie's
not interested in becker.

Second of all, becker's
not interested in chris.

And third of all, I'm not
interested in any of this.

Okay, holli, so I
showed you the exam rooms,

The supply cabinet
and the x-ray machine.

Oh, about the x-ray machine,
I'm really sorry.

Does it always
shoot out sparks like that?

No, that was a first.

But don't worry about it.

I'm sure it
was an accident.

I'll swear to it
if you will.

Okay, so... I guess that
about covers everything.

Just remember that the phones
and the appointment book

Are the most
important things.

Oh, and a bit of advice:
If you want to leave early,

Just leave an open bottle of
nail polish on the counter,

And that way, margaret
thinks you're still here.

Mm... Nail polish,
um... Is that flammable?

I guess so. Why?

No reason.

Hi, margaret.

We were just
talking about you.

All good things.

(door closes)

This is holli.
It's her first day,

And I was just showing
her around the office.

Hi.

Hello.

Linda, may I speak to you
for a moment?

Excuse us, holli.

Uh, you mentioned
that this is her
first day.

Of what?

Of working here.

I sublet my job to her
for a week.

Linda,
you can't sublet your job.

Of course I can. It's my job.

It's no different than when
I'd sublet my apartment.

Besides, this is a matter
of life and death.

Yeah, it just might be.

Go ahead.

Okay, here's the thing:

I have to go
to traffic school for robin

So that she can work
wendy's shift at the deli

So that wendy
can cover for cindy

Who's been taking stan
to dialysis

For the last ten years,

But she can't now
because she has to go

To dana's lesbian commitment
ceremony in hawaii.

Hawaii?

Well, dana's from alabama.

Her girlfriend's from hawaii.

If you were a lesbian, where
would you rather get married?

Well, I have always wanted
to go to hawaii, so...

But why can't holli
fill in for cindy?

You know, I am sorry
that stan's dialysis

Is so inconvenient for you,
margaret.

Where's your compassion?

Everyone else is pulling
together for stan.

Why can't you?

Well...
You know, I guess you're right.

I guess I was being selfish.

All right, she can stay.

Oh, holli, it's so nice
that you and linda

Have such a close-knit group
of friends.

Oh, I don't know
any of those people.

I just answered an ad.

But you do have medical
experience, right?

I had hepatitis once.

See? She'll be great.

Hey, margaret,
who's the new girl

Not working behind
the front desk?

That would be holli.

Who's holli?

Well, it involves linda,
a guy named stan

And a couple of lesbians
in hawaii.

You don't want to hear about it.

Leave out the part
about linda and stan

And tell me the rest.

Hi.

Hi.

Who are you?

Holli.

Where's linda?

Traffic school.

Oh, she got a ticket?

I just answered an ad.

Well, I... I just need
to drop something
off for becker.

Do you have
an appointment?

You don't understand.

I'm just dropping off his lunch.

They said no one gets in
to see the doctor

Without an appointment.

So, when would you
like to come in?

How about now?

I'm sorry, he's with a patient.

I just want to drop off
his lunch.

Hi, reggie.

Oh, margaret, thank god.

She doesn't have
an appointment.

I-it's okay, holli.

I'll take care of it.

What can I do for you, reg?

I'm just dropping off
becker's lunch.

That's very nice of you.

Well, he was kind of upset
this morning.

He was going on and on
about chris.

Apparently she left town,
and it really bothered him.

But I'm sure
you've heard all about it.

He didn't say anything to me.

Really?

Not a word.

Oh, that's a relief.

I mean, for him.

And you.

I'll see you later.

What about the food?

Right. Right, the food.

That is why I came over.

What a ditz.

Thanks a lot, jake.

H-hey, darryl, um...

I don't mean to pry, but

Is everything okay with you?

Well, actually...
Yeah, everything's fine.

But thanks for asking.

Wow.

Breaks my heart to see that.

What?

Well, he just bought
a razor, a toothbrush

And another pack
of cigarettes.

Yeah, that is bad.

Why is that bad?

Oh, please.

Come on, he's still
smoking, all right?

And he's obviously
moved out of his house.

Why else would he buy cigarettes
a toothbrush and a razor?

Well, maybe he's buying
a kid a birthday present.

Why? What did you get
when you were six?

Hey, guys,
where's reggie?

Reg! Reg!

Stop yelling.
What do you want?

Uh, yesterday when you brought
lunch over to the office,

That worked out well.

Not the food part,
but the convenience.

So, I'd like to

Place an order for today.

Look, just because I
brought you lunch yesterday,

Don't expect me to
do it all the time.

Sometimes it gets a
little crazy around here,

And I can't leave.

It just doesn't happen
when you're here.

Oh, becker,
I heard from chris.
Who cares?

Well, yesterday you were
asking all about her,
so I thought...

I don't care about her.

Why? What did she want?

She called and asked
if I could feed her fish.

I didn't know
she had fish.

I did.

Why? Because she
bought a milky way

And sports illustrated?

No. Because she told me.

So, she just took off
and left her fish alone?

What do you care
about chris's fish?
I don't.

Then why are you
talking about it?
I'm not.

I'm just saying that, you know,

She's the one who pretends to
care so much about everything,

But clearly she doesn't.

You don't just take off
and leave your fish alone

And think that they don't care.

I mean, they expect

To look out the side
of their tank

And see, you know,
their-their person there.

Not just anybody
can dump in the food.

Actually,
I think anyone can.

Yeah, I'm doing it.

So chris left town
for a few days.

What's it to you?

It's not about me.

It's about the fish.

They are a lot more like us
than you realize.

You know,
they're living creatures.

They think. They have feelings.

Fine. What do you want
for lunch?

Tuna sandwich.

"fish have feelings." please.

I tell you who has feelings:
Becker for chris.

I mean, it's pathetic.

Have you ever seen anyone act
out so much in your life?

(slams door)

See? I was right.

Reggie's jealous
that john's interested in chris.

Or maybe becker's
interested in reggie,

And he's just saying all
that stuff about chris
to make her jealous.

You think?

Or there's
another possibility.

Did we ever consider that
maybe reggie's jealous

Because she and chris have
feelings for each other?

No.

Could we?

(sighs)

Holli, I don't know
if linda told you,

But we like to keep a pot
of coffee going all day.

So, could you make some?

Oh, you do not want me
to make coffee.

They asked me to do it
at my last job,

And it didn't
work out well at all.

Where was that?

Starbucks.

Oh.

Well, the paper
in the copy machine

Needs to be refilled.

How about that?

Did you hear
about the fire at kinko's?

Okay. Well, uh...
The drug cabinet

Needs to be...

Locked.

And I think I'll go
do that right now.

So, uh, you just sit there
and read your book.

I think that will be best.

Hi, margaret.

I only have a minute.

My traffic school
instructor got a dui

On his way
back from lunch,

So they're sending
in a new teacher.

Anyway, I just stopped
by to tell you

That stan is doing well

And to see how things
are going with holli.

Not great.

She doesn't do anything.

She cando anything.

I may as well have
a cardboard cutout of you.

There's one in the storeroom.

Well, who do you think
worked late last Wednesday?

Okay, jake.

You're the people expert.

Do you think chris is
the type of person

Who gets attached
to her pets?

Did you forget
to feed her fish?

No. Her fish ate.

Each other.

Well, nice job.

Well, who knew you had
to feed them every day?

What do you expect
a fish to do?

Show up at your door
with a bowl in its mouth?

Well, maybe
she won't notice.

She won't notice
one fat fish

With a tail sticking
out of his mouth?

I know. I'll just tell her
all the other fish are hiding

In that little castle
on the bottom of the tank.

Now I got to go buy
one of those.

So you didn't
even tell her?

Well, I didn't want
to ruin her trip.

I figured one more day
wouldn't matter.

She's coming
back tomorrow?

Yeah. She's
just picking up

The last of her things
at her ex-husband's.

Ex-husband's?

(chuckling):
Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's
interesting. Ha.

So she's been married once.

You've been married twice.

Yeah, but I'm not the one
trying to pass myself off

As someone
who gets along with everybody.

Clearly.

You know,
relationships aren't easy.

I used to go out with this guy,
and we had to break up

Because not only
was he a smoker,

But he was cheating on me.
Reg, reg,

Reg.

You made him up.

Oh, right.

All I'm saying
is, you know,

Chris isn't the
perfect little angel

She wants us to think.

I can't wait
to see her

So I can let her
know I'm on to her.

Oh, my god,
he's obsessed with her!

One of us could have
her hair on fire

And he wouldn't even notice.

I think he'd notice
if it was your hair.

Well, you know, that would
be like a really big fire.

Ah, so who knew,
after all these years,

Reggie would be
interested in becker?

I guess all it took
was for him

To be interested
in someone else.

Well, he's been
interested in
women before.

Yeah, but he's never cared
when they've gone away.

Listen, take my word for it,
I see things that you don't.

Yeah, you're right.

It's like you have
a sixth sense.

Or, in your
case, a fifth.

Hey, jake.

It's me, darryl.
Hey, darryl.

How you doing?
Well, much better,

Actually.
I don't know if you could tell

But the last few weeks
I've been under a lot of stress.

Well, actually,
you know, I knew it.

I just told bob
that the other day.

Really? You knew?
Yeah.

What can I say?

I kind of have a sense

About these things,
don't I, bob?

Yeah, I guess you do.
Actually, you know,

You were giving off
little signals

In your own way, you know?

You stopped buying
magazines for your wife.

You started smoking.

So then you knew I was gay.

Say what?

Yeah, you really do
know people, jake.

You know, I'll be honest.

One of the reasons
I finally decided to come out

Was seeing the way you two
show your love for each other.

Say what?

You know, how you...
You're just...

You're so open
about your relationship.

Every time I come in here,
always together,

Laughing, kidding around.

Us?
Us?

Listen, darryl, I'm
really happy for you,

But you got
this all wrong.

No, I know you must have your
moments like any other couple,

But... I just hope one day
I'm in a relationship

With someone who looks at me
the way bob looks at you.

Anyway,

I just had to come in

To tell you guys thanks

For being such an inspiration.

Yeah. Nobody knows
people like you do.

Never mind that.

We need to have a
serious discussion

About the way you've
been looking at me, man.

(sighs)

Aw! It's amazing.

I've never seen a computer

Just burst into
flames like that.

I have.

Good news!

I'm all done
with traffic school.

So thanks, holli, but I'm not
going to need you anymore.

Oh, what a shame. Holli,

I am so sorry
to see you go.

Look, if you ever
want me to come back,

I'll give you my number.

It's 579...

Great, 579.

If I ever need the rest
of it, I'll call you.

So, anything new around here?

Don't you see the smoke

Coming out of the
computer? Holli did that!

Boy, she must type really fast.

So, how's stan?

Well, everyone decided
it'd be best

If he was treated
at home from now on.

Oh, linda, I'm so sorry.

I didn't know it
was that bad.

Yeah, especially
after he got one

Of the other
patients pregnant.

Now they're just going
to neuter him and take him home.

W-w-wait a minute.

Stan is a dog?

Did I forget
to mention that?

Yes, you forgot
to mention that.

Which makes what I have to
say even more difficult.

What's that?

I'm so glad you're back.

(sobbing)

(knock at door)

Hi, reg.

Kind of late.

Everything okay?

Well, you know, becker,

I was in the mood
for chinese food,

So I went to ming's
and then I remembered

How much you liked it,
so I thought maybe you

Might like some
chinese food, too.

Uh, uh... Actually,
see, I'm... Huh...

You already ate.
Yeah.

But you were right.

I was certainly
in the mood for chinese.

Oh, so, you want
to come in or something?

Yeah.

I think I do.

What did you want?

Okay.

Look, I've been thinking
about something, so I thought

I'd just come over here and
say it and get it over with.

Say what?

You know how
something can

Be right in front of your
face and you never notice it?

But then something happens

To make you notice it
and then you wonder

Why you never noticed
it to begin with?

I never really noticed.

Well, what I'm
trying to say is...

Becker, is there
any chance

You already know
why I'm here?

It was the food, right?

No. No, it's much more
important than the food.

Oh.
It's, uh...

That chair.

Have you always
had that?

This? Yeah, yeah.

I got it in my last divorce.

I stole it
from my wife's lawyer.

You see,
that's the perfect example

Of what I'm talking about.

That's a really nice chair,

And I've really
never noticed it.

I mean, that's
an eames chair.

It's probably worth
more than your car.

This chinese food's worth
more than my car.

Yeah, that's not my point.

Yeah, well, what is
your point, reg?

Well, that I've been here
so many times,

And I've never really
seen that chair.

I mean, I've seen
it, but I've never

Really seen it.

Don't you see
what I'm trying to say, becker?

Uh... We're not
really talking

About the chair,
are we, reg?

Thank you.

Yeah.

So what are we talking about?

You know what?

Uh... Uh, forget it.

I really should go.

Okay.

Nice to see you.

Hope that cleared things up.

God, I'm so lame.

Oh, my god. What...

Oh, what's the matter with me?

Hey, reg. Reg!

Yes?

I'm so sorry.

I-I don't know
what I was thinking.

I can reheat this
for breakfast.