Becker (1998–2004): Season 3, Episode 5 - The Usual Suspects - full transcript
Becker's office is vandalized, and many people seem to have a plausible motive. Bob has been impersonating Becker.
( upbeat blues theme playing)
All I'm saying is
that they're lunatics
wandering aimlessly
all over the place.
Why not put
sponges on their feet
and let them clean the streets?
You know, am I the only one
who's putting these
things together?
You know, am I the only one
who's aware of what's
going on around him?
John. What?
What do you mean,
what? This what.
What the hell?
Oh, my God.
I swear, the crime in
this city is out of control.
You know what the
problem is, don't you?
John, not now.
Oh, my God.
The drug cabinet's still
locked. Nothing's gone there.
Well, why do we even
have a police department...?
John, not now.
All right, let's see if
they took any money.
Check the cash box. Oh.
There's only $2 here.
Okay, so it wasn't robbery.
Oh, my God.
I'll call the police.
What is the world
coming to when a doctor,
a pillar of the
community...? John, not now.
Well, Margaret, give
me something, will you?
Uh, yes, hello?
Yes, oh, uh, we've had a
break-in. It's an emergency.
Yes, I'll hold.
Why would you lock up $2?
John, I swear, you are the
cheapest man that I have...
Margaret, not now.
Oh, my God.
Will you stop saying that?
Holy crap.
No. Well, don't you
watch television?
This is a crime scene.
Everything is evidence.
You don't touch anything.
Well, you can make coffee.
Just don't touch anything else.
All right, the police
will be over any minute.
( bluesy theme playing)
Two hours, Margaret.
It's been two hours.
Come on, get them
over here. Make the call.
Ah, forget it, John.
I am not calling 911
and telling them that I am
a white woman in trouble.
Detective Borkow, 43rd precinct.
Whoa, this place is a mess.
So why'd you call?
Because I made a
New Year's resolution
to meet one new
person every day.
Why the hell do
you think we called?
Oh, right.
Well, any idea who
might have done it?
That's why we called you.
Okay, first things first.
Is that fresh coffee?
( upbeat blues theme playing)
So do you think you'll be
able to find out who did this?
Well, of course I can. I'm a
trained criminal investigator.
I think what we have here is
either robbery or vandalism.
Actually, now those are the
only two choices on the form.
Wait a minute, I recognize you.
It was about a year ago.
You were at the hospital
with that sissy doctor
who got shot in the gay bar.
I never forget a face.
Yeah, I knew you looked
familiar. That was me.
You know, I think you're right.
I was not in a gay bar.
I was near a gay bar.
I'm not gay.
Makes me no never mind.
That's between
you and Dr. Laura.
So was anything taken? No.
Okay, Box 1: vandalism. I
think that's all I need to go on.
Wait, wait, wait.
Hey, t-that's it?
You're not gonna
do anything else?
Take pictures, you know,
or dust for fingerprints?
You watch a lot
of TV, don't you?
Relax. I'll file a report.
So basically, you're just
gonna create the illusion
of actual police work.
Right.
I checked the exam
rooms. Nothing's missing.
Well, well, well.
This case just got interesting.
Detective Borkow. And you are?
Not guilty.
I'm guessing you're
not innocent either.
Yeah, if you're done drooling,
can we get back to the
investigation, please?
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to
make you uncomfortable.
That's how heterosexuals flirt.
You know, I could ask
a couple of questions.
Uh, possible suspects.
Do you know of anyone who
might harbor a grudge against you?
(scoffs)
What's that supposed to mean?
Oh, John, please.
Yeah, well, screw you
too, you Ivy League quack.
You are out of
your freaking mind.
You're making me sick. Shut up.
Go away. Kiss my ass.
Toothless cretin.
Arthritic old slackass.
Card-carrying
lunatics. Hypocrite.
Jackass. Putz.
Bite me.
This was over a period
of what, two, three years?
Two, three days.
Well, well, the
kitten has claws.
Say when. Anytime, pretty lady.
You know, I don't
know about her,
but you're creeping me out.
Let me ask you, uh... Linda.
Linda, do you know any
patient who might be mad enough
at Dr. Becker to do
something like this?
I can only pick one?
Okay, what do we got here?
Mr. Danko's in for a physical,
but there's something he
wants to talk to you about first.
Yeah, uh, I won't be
able to pay you right away.
I'm having a little
problem finding a job.
You're kidding. Dressed
for success like you are.
What was that?
Look, I'll let you
slide on the bill,
but, come on, you know,
we've kind of worked
out a civilization here.
Make a few concessions
to it, you know?
Maybe tattoo a
tie on your chest.
Do we have to go
through this every time?
Yes, we do. What kind of
job you looking for anyway?
A kindergarten teacher?
As a matter of
fact, kids love me.
Of course they do. You're
covered with cartoons.
Do you find this attractive?
Yeah.
Bad example. You
know, all I'm saying
is the people who hand
out the jobs don't like tattoos.
Oh, hey, man,
it's art. Yeah, right.
I believe it was Rembrandt
who first painted
Woody Woodpecker
smoking a joint.
Well, that brings up
an interesting question.
Linda.
What sort of tattoos
do you find attractive?
Because I got a beauty
when I was in the Marines.
That's just great, Borkow.
You know, why don't we
just drop the investigation,
you can take your shirt off,
and we'll all look at your tattoo.
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
( upbeat blues theme playing)
Do you have to
follow me everywhere?
You said we were going to lunch.
No, I said I was going to lunch.
Could I have some coffee,
Reg? Hamburger, please.
I'll have the same.
Is this separate checks?
Oh, look who I'm asking.
Say, you're a cop, aren't you?
Yes, I am. How'd you know?
Two things Bob knows:
women and cops.
You spend enough
time staring at one,
you get hassled by the other.
Uh, he's here because my
office was vandalized last night.
REGGIE: Oh, my God?
BOB: What happened?
Everything's all right. Nothing
was taken. No one was hurt.
It just got trashed, you know.
Detective Borkow here
is, uh, working the case
more or less.
Was someone after the 2
bucks you hide in the cash box?
D-don't help. Just
get me my lunch.
Coming right up.
It usually does.
Now, doc, look at that.
Nothing?
She does nothing for you?
How much clearer do I
have to be? I am not gay.
It doesn't matter what you
say. It's already in your file.
Vandalism seems
like such a waste.
What's the point of breaking in
if you're not gonna
take something?
I mean, that's like having
a woman in bed and...
And what?
I got a woman in bed
in here. Don't bother me.
Do any of you know of anyone
who might have wanted
to do this to Dr. Becker?
When you're done with the Bronx,
I've got the Jersey book
around here somewhere.
Cut it out, will you?
You know, though,
now that I think about it, there
was someone in here yesterday,
and, well, John was
really letting them have it.
You know, I've been trying
to eat my lunch for
the last half hour,
which is hard to stomach
without having to watch you eat.
I mean, come on, don't you
have any pride, any self-respect?
Look at you. You got more food
in your hair than on your plate.
You disgusting slob.
Oh, come on.
It was like watching a
Cuisinart without the lid.
Well, that gives me
a pretty good picture.
As a matter of fact,
I think I know exactly
who's responsible for this.
No, I'm just screwing with
you. I don't have a clue.
( upbeat blues theme playing)
What's the matter with you?
You make it look like it's
my fault the office got trashed.
Like for some reason,
people don't like me.
Do you even listen
when you talk?
I know I try not to. Ha.
I've done a little
research on you, doc,
and apparently, you've
been a bad little girl.
For the last time, I'm not gay.
You get that vibe too?
Becker's not gay.
I mean, come on,
the clothes, the body
and that haircut?
And let's not even talk about...
Hey, like I said before,
you know, don't help me.
All I know is I ran his sheet,
and the last couple of years,
he attacked a man
in a wheelchair,
broke a city streetlight,
gave a man a heart
attack, and cursed out a nun.
When do you find
time to see patients?
Some of those
people were patients.
Aren't we forgetting something?
I'm the victim here. You
know, this is unbelievable.
You're like some cliché
cop in a bad movie.
A stupid, homophobic,
leering Neandertal.
Yeah, but I made inspector.
Just find out who
did this, will you?
And for the record,
the nun had it coming.
Well, maybe I'll
check out this lead
over at his apartment building.
He got in a run-in with a woman
there a couple of weeks ago.
A, uh, "Rhonda Martin."
Rhonda Martin?
Yeah, you know her?
Uh, only because I'm
the super of the building,
and I happen to be familiar
with the incident in question.
BOB: Becker was
alone in his apartment
drinking a beer and
watching TV, waiting for me
to show up and fix the sink,
when there was a knock.
(knocking on door)
Hello? Dr. Becker,
you don't know me.
I'm Rhonda Martin. My
sister Karen lives in 4-B.
Look, I'm not... I know.
You're not in your office,
and I hate to impose. But I have
a rash, and I thought maybe...
Look, maybe you should wait...
I know I should wait and
see my regular doctor,
but it's driving me crazy.
It's all over my chest.
Do you think you could
just take a look at it?
Well, if you insist.
Come right in. Thanks so much.
BOB: So Becker checked her out.
But if she wasn't
happy with his diagnosis,
that's hardly the doc's fault.
So, what do you think?
Mama!
I suppose I should
still check it out.
Ah, you don't wanna do that.
That woman's
crazy. She left town.
On vacation. For business.
She went to Florida.
Did I say Florida?
I meant she's dead.
You know, in her report,
she said that
Dr. Becker was 5-foot-4
with dark, slicked-back hair
and a cheap leather jacket.
That doesn't look anything
like him. It's amazing.
People have eyes. They don't
see what's in front of their face.
Guess I'll just have
to keep looking.
( upbeat blues theme playing)
Linda, right?
Yeah.
If I may say so,
it's been a long time
since I've met a woman
of your grace and beauty
who wasn't a prostitute.
Thank you?
Linda, I was
wondering if you could...
Clean the storeroom?
Sure. No problem. I'm on it.
Is there anything sweeter
than watching that
girl walk out of a room?
Don't you have anything else
you should be paying attention to?
All right, all right.
You're very attractive too.
Oh, yeah, if it isn't one
of New York's thickest.
(Becker sighs)
Dr. Becker, I've been
going over my notes,
and it suddenly occurred to me
that you could've
done this yourself.
Oh, yeah, right. I
trashed my own office.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
It's not so far-fetched.
You pick up a fat
insurance check,
and you and the mister
are flying down to Rio.
You're insane.
Not according
to Internal Affairs.
Now can you account
for your whereabouts
on the aforementioned
evening of the alleged incident?
Otherwise known as last night?
Yeah, as a matter
of fact, I was at home.
Not according to your neighbors.
How would they know?
Ah, it seems they keep tabs
on your comings and goings.
Don't wanna be in the hallway
or the lobby if you're there.
That sort of thing.
Anyway, they have you leaving
at 8:31 and returning at 11:16.
Oh, that's right, I forgot.
I'm sorry. I went out.
I, uh, went to Ming's.
And this Ming is
a friend of yours?
No, Ming's is a
Chinese restaurant.
And I went there all
alone. For three hours?
Yeah, I'm really
bad with chopsticks.
You know, here's a thought.
Why don't you get your
head out of your notebook
and actually try
to catch this guy.
I know, maybe you could use
some help, like a police dog.
Someone to bounce ideas off of.
Pardon my language, ma'am,
(door closes)
but what a bitch.
( upbeat blues theme playing)
I just don't get why
someone would do this to me.
I mean, sure, I've been
screamed at, cursed at...
Flipped off. Swung on.
Pepper-sprayed. Shot at.
All right, so not
everyone gets me.
Oh, Dr. Becker,
there you are. Oh.
Your alibi doesn't wash.
Ming's wasn't open that night.
Oh, let me see,
d-did I say Ming's.
I'm sorry, I meant Wings.
Yeah, I was watching Wings.
That doesn't really help
me pin down the time.
Wings is on, like,
15 times a day.
And your neighbors
saw you leave.
All right.
If you really need to know
where I was, I'll tell you.
("Theme from
Love Story" playing)
(sobbing)
Love Story? You were
watching Love Story?
It's considered a classic.
Oh, John.
Love Story?
You are gay.
( upbeat blues theme playing)
Morning, Linda.
(Linda sighs)
Hello.
Thought maybe you
were hiding from me.
I was.
Well, peek-a-boo.
You know, since
I started this case,
one name keeps
running through my mind.
And what name would that be?
Linda. And there's a question
I really need to ask you.
Yes?
Now, I need for you to be
totally honest. Did you...?
Oh, I can't take
the third degree.
All right, I did it.
I had a party here
over the weekend.
I would have had it at my place,
but I didn't wanna
trash my apartment.
You don't know these people.
They like to rock
and roll all night.
And party every day.
So, anyways, I was
gonna wake up early
and come in and
clean up, but I overslept.
So if you have to arrest
me, just don't tell Dr. Becker.
I was just gonna ask, did you
have plans for lunch today?
Oh. Then forget I said anything?
Oh, Borkow, there you are.
Tell me you know something,
will you? About anything.
Uh...
No can do, Dr. Becker.
In fact, I'm afraid this
case is gonna go unsolved.
Between you and me, most
of them end up that way.
Sometimes we get lucky and
find somebody to pin one on.
This is unbelievable.
You know, why do
we even have police?
The whole city looks to you for
protection, and what do we get?
Nothing. You know,
I got news for you.
You just can't sit around
and wait for somebody
to come up and say, "I did it."
God, you're such an idiot.
So...
How about that lunch?
Uh, just give me a second.
Dr. Becker? Hmm?
Are you still real mad
about what happened here?
If I find out who did
this, I will kill them.
And I'll do it in front of
him so I never get caught.
Margaret, I'm going to lunch.
Outstanding. I'll
see you, folks.
Let's go to Jimmy's Steak House.
You can have dead cow for
lunch and Borkow for dessert.
What's that, Margaret?
If I'm not back in an
hour, I'm fired? Okay.
Well, that's that.
Well, John, it could've
been a lot worse.
No one was hurt,
nothing was taken,
and no one saw
you at Love Story.
(groans)
Does everybody
know about that now?
Not yet. But just give
me till the end of the day.
(laughing)
(sighs)
Are you all right?
Well, it hasn't been the best
couple of days, Margaret.
First, the office got
trashed. Then it was my turn.
Apparently, when it comes
to wanting to do me harm,
everyone I've ever met
is a possible suspect.
Well, John, you
may not realize it,
but you don't cut
people much slack.
Yeah, Margaret,
society was founded
on a system of
checks and balances.
Oh, no. Not the
checks-and-balances speech.
Not again. I-I'm sorry,
but it applies now
more than ever.
I mean, the world
is filled with idiots,
and somebody has to point it
out to them or they'll never know.
If they don't know,
they can't change.
And believe me,
they need to change.
And in a way, I'm
doing a public service.
John, I wouldn't work for you
if I didn't know the type
of person you really are.
You're a good man.
But does it have to be
a secret between us?
Do you honestly think
that I deserve all this?
No, I-I'm just saying what
goes around comes around.
Maybe you should look
at this as a wake-up call
because if you keep
acting the way you do,
it's gonna happen
again and again.
And then maybe next
time, you won't be so lucky.
Oh.
Aw, maybe you're right.
(sighs)
The world is tough enough.
(door banging)
The door's unlocked, right?
Yep.
And he still can't get in?
Apparently.
I guess I could be
a little more tolerant.
Oh, you can't
possibly be that stupid.
If you keep pulling,
and it's not working,
there's only more option:
Press the button and push.
Jackass.
Feels good, doesn't it?
( upbeat blues theme playing)
( upbeat blues theme playing)
All I'm saying is
that they're lunatics
wandering aimlessly
all over the place.
Why not put
sponges on their feet
and let them clean the streets?
You know, am I the only one
who's putting these
things together?
You know, am I the only one
who's aware of what's
going on around him?
John. What?
What do you mean,
what? This what.
What the hell?
Oh, my God.
I swear, the crime in
this city is out of control.
You know what the
problem is, don't you?
John, not now.
Oh, my God.
The drug cabinet's still
locked. Nothing's gone there.
Well, why do we even
have a police department...?
John, not now.
All right, let's see if
they took any money.
Check the cash box. Oh.
There's only $2 here.
Okay, so it wasn't robbery.
Oh, my God.
I'll call the police.
What is the world
coming to when a doctor,
a pillar of the
community...? John, not now.
Well, Margaret, give
me something, will you?
Uh, yes, hello?
Yes, oh, uh, we've had a
break-in. It's an emergency.
Yes, I'll hold.
Why would you lock up $2?
John, I swear, you are the
cheapest man that I have...
Margaret, not now.
Oh, my God.
Will you stop saying that?
Holy crap.
No. Well, don't you
watch television?
This is a crime scene.
Everything is evidence.
You don't touch anything.
Well, you can make coffee.
Just don't touch anything else.
All right, the police
will be over any minute.
( bluesy theme playing)
Two hours, Margaret.
It's been two hours.
Come on, get them
over here. Make the call.
Ah, forget it, John.
I am not calling 911
and telling them that I am
a white woman in trouble.
Detective Borkow, 43rd precinct.
Whoa, this place is a mess.
So why'd you call?
Because I made a
New Year's resolution
to meet one new
person every day.
Why the hell do
you think we called?
Oh, right.
Well, any idea who
might have done it?
That's why we called you.
Okay, first things first.
Is that fresh coffee?
( upbeat blues theme playing)
So do you think you'll be
able to find out who did this?
Well, of course I can. I'm a
trained criminal investigator.
I think what we have here is
either robbery or vandalism.
Actually, now those are the
only two choices on the form.
Wait a minute, I recognize you.
It was about a year ago.
You were at the hospital
with that sissy doctor
who got shot in the gay bar.
I never forget a face.
Yeah, I knew you looked
familiar. That was me.
You know, I think you're right.
I was not in a gay bar.
I was near a gay bar.
I'm not gay.
Makes me no never mind.
That's between
you and Dr. Laura.
So was anything taken? No.
Okay, Box 1: vandalism. I
think that's all I need to go on.
Wait, wait, wait.
Hey, t-that's it?
You're not gonna
do anything else?
Take pictures, you know,
or dust for fingerprints?
You watch a lot
of TV, don't you?
Relax. I'll file a report.
So basically, you're just
gonna create the illusion
of actual police work.
Right.
I checked the exam
rooms. Nothing's missing.
Well, well, well.
This case just got interesting.
Detective Borkow. And you are?
Not guilty.
I'm guessing you're
not innocent either.
Yeah, if you're done drooling,
can we get back to the
investigation, please?
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to
make you uncomfortable.
That's how heterosexuals flirt.
You know, I could ask
a couple of questions.
Uh, possible suspects.
Do you know of anyone who
might harbor a grudge against you?
(scoffs)
What's that supposed to mean?
Oh, John, please.
Yeah, well, screw you
too, you Ivy League quack.
You are out of
your freaking mind.
You're making me sick. Shut up.
Go away. Kiss my ass.
Toothless cretin.
Arthritic old slackass.
Card-carrying
lunatics. Hypocrite.
Jackass. Putz.
Bite me.
This was over a period
of what, two, three years?
Two, three days.
Well, well, the
kitten has claws.
Say when. Anytime, pretty lady.
You know, I don't
know about her,
but you're creeping me out.
Let me ask you, uh... Linda.
Linda, do you know any
patient who might be mad enough
at Dr. Becker to do
something like this?
I can only pick one?
Okay, what do we got here?
Mr. Danko's in for a physical,
but there's something he
wants to talk to you about first.
Yeah, uh, I won't be
able to pay you right away.
I'm having a little
problem finding a job.
You're kidding. Dressed
for success like you are.
What was that?
Look, I'll let you
slide on the bill,
but, come on, you know,
we've kind of worked
out a civilization here.
Make a few concessions
to it, you know?
Maybe tattoo a
tie on your chest.
Do we have to go
through this every time?
Yes, we do. What kind of
job you looking for anyway?
A kindergarten teacher?
As a matter of
fact, kids love me.
Of course they do. You're
covered with cartoons.
Do you find this attractive?
Yeah.
Bad example. You
know, all I'm saying
is the people who hand
out the jobs don't like tattoos.
Oh, hey, man,
it's art. Yeah, right.
I believe it was Rembrandt
who first painted
Woody Woodpecker
smoking a joint.
Well, that brings up
an interesting question.
Linda.
What sort of tattoos
do you find attractive?
Because I got a beauty
when I was in the Marines.
That's just great, Borkow.
You know, why don't we
just drop the investigation,
you can take your shirt off,
and we'll all look at your tattoo.
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
( upbeat blues theme playing)
Do you have to
follow me everywhere?
You said we were going to lunch.
No, I said I was going to lunch.
Could I have some coffee,
Reg? Hamburger, please.
I'll have the same.
Is this separate checks?
Oh, look who I'm asking.
Say, you're a cop, aren't you?
Yes, I am. How'd you know?
Two things Bob knows:
women and cops.
You spend enough
time staring at one,
you get hassled by the other.
Uh, he's here because my
office was vandalized last night.
REGGIE: Oh, my God?
BOB: What happened?
Everything's all right. Nothing
was taken. No one was hurt.
It just got trashed, you know.
Detective Borkow here
is, uh, working the case
more or less.
Was someone after the 2
bucks you hide in the cash box?
D-don't help. Just
get me my lunch.
Coming right up.
It usually does.
Now, doc, look at that.
Nothing?
She does nothing for you?
How much clearer do I
have to be? I am not gay.
It doesn't matter what you
say. It's already in your file.
Vandalism seems
like such a waste.
What's the point of breaking in
if you're not gonna
take something?
I mean, that's like having
a woman in bed and...
And what?
I got a woman in bed
in here. Don't bother me.
Do any of you know of anyone
who might have wanted
to do this to Dr. Becker?
When you're done with the Bronx,
I've got the Jersey book
around here somewhere.
Cut it out, will you?
You know, though,
now that I think about it, there
was someone in here yesterday,
and, well, John was
really letting them have it.
You know, I've been trying
to eat my lunch for
the last half hour,
which is hard to stomach
without having to watch you eat.
I mean, come on, don't you
have any pride, any self-respect?
Look at you. You got more food
in your hair than on your plate.
You disgusting slob.
Oh, come on.
It was like watching a
Cuisinart without the lid.
Well, that gives me
a pretty good picture.
As a matter of fact,
I think I know exactly
who's responsible for this.
No, I'm just screwing with
you. I don't have a clue.
( upbeat blues theme playing)
What's the matter with you?
You make it look like it's
my fault the office got trashed.
Like for some reason,
people don't like me.
Do you even listen
when you talk?
I know I try not to. Ha.
I've done a little
research on you, doc,
and apparently, you've
been a bad little girl.
For the last time, I'm not gay.
You get that vibe too?
Becker's not gay.
I mean, come on,
the clothes, the body
and that haircut?
And let's not even talk about...
Hey, like I said before,
you know, don't help me.
All I know is I ran his sheet,
and the last couple of years,
he attacked a man
in a wheelchair,
broke a city streetlight,
gave a man a heart
attack, and cursed out a nun.
When do you find
time to see patients?
Some of those
people were patients.
Aren't we forgetting something?
I'm the victim here. You
know, this is unbelievable.
You're like some cliché
cop in a bad movie.
A stupid, homophobic,
leering Neandertal.
Yeah, but I made inspector.
Just find out who
did this, will you?
And for the record,
the nun had it coming.
Well, maybe I'll
check out this lead
over at his apartment building.
He got in a run-in with a woman
there a couple of weeks ago.
A, uh, "Rhonda Martin."
Rhonda Martin?
Yeah, you know her?
Uh, only because I'm
the super of the building,
and I happen to be familiar
with the incident in question.
BOB: Becker was
alone in his apartment
drinking a beer and
watching TV, waiting for me
to show up and fix the sink,
when there was a knock.
(knocking on door)
Hello? Dr. Becker,
you don't know me.
I'm Rhonda Martin. My
sister Karen lives in 4-B.
Look, I'm not... I know.
You're not in your office,
and I hate to impose. But I have
a rash, and I thought maybe...
Look, maybe you should wait...
I know I should wait and
see my regular doctor,
but it's driving me crazy.
It's all over my chest.
Do you think you could
just take a look at it?
Well, if you insist.
Come right in. Thanks so much.
BOB: So Becker checked her out.
But if she wasn't
happy with his diagnosis,
that's hardly the doc's fault.
So, what do you think?
Mama!
I suppose I should
still check it out.
Ah, you don't wanna do that.
That woman's
crazy. She left town.
On vacation. For business.
She went to Florida.
Did I say Florida?
I meant she's dead.
You know, in her report,
she said that
Dr. Becker was 5-foot-4
with dark, slicked-back hair
and a cheap leather jacket.
That doesn't look anything
like him. It's amazing.
People have eyes. They don't
see what's in front of their face.
Guess I'll just have
to keep looking.
( upbeat blues theme playing)
Linda, right?
Yeah.
If I may say so,
it's been a long time
since I've met a woman
of your grace and beauty
who wasn't a prostitute.
Thank you?
Linda, I was
wondering if you could...
Clean the storeroom?
Sure. No problem. I'm on it.
Is there anything sweeter
than watching that
girl walk out of a room?
Don't you have anything else
you should be paying attention to?
All right, all right.
You're very attractive too.
Oh, yeah, if it isn't one
of New York's thickest.
(Becker sighs)
Dr. Becker, I've been
going over my notes,
and it suddenly occurred to me
that you could've
done this yourself.
Oh, yeah, right. I
trashed my own office.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
It's not so far-fetched.
You pick up a fat
insurance check,
and you and the mister
are flying down to Rio.
You're insane.
Not according
to Internal Affairs.
Now can you account
for your whereabouts
on the aforementioned
evening of the alleged incident?
Otherwise known as last night?
Yeah, as a matter
of fact, I was at home.
Not according to your neighbors.
How would they know?
Ah, it seems they keep tabs
on your comings and goings.
Don't wanna be in the hallway
or the lobby if you're there.
That sort of thing.
Anyway, they have you leaving
at 8:31 and returning at 11:16.
Oh, that's right, I forgot.
I'm sorry. I went out.
I, uh, went to Ming's.
And this Ming is
a friend of yours?
No, Ming's is a
Chinese restaurant.
And I went there all
alone. For three hours?
Yeah, I'm really
bad with chopsticks.
You know, here's a thought.
Why don't you get your
head out of your notebook
and actually try
to catch this guy.
I know, maybe you could use
some help, like a police dog.
Someone to bounce ideas off of.
Pardon my language, ma'am,
(door closes)
but what a bitch.
( upbeat blues theme playing)
I just don't get why
someone would do this to me.
I mean, sure, I've been
screamed at, cursed at...
Flipped off. Swung on.
Pepper-sprayed. Shot at.
All right, so not
everyone gets me.
Oh, Dr. Becker,
there you are. Oh.
Your alibi doesn't wash.
Ming's wasn't open that night.
Oh, let me see,
d-did I say Ming's.
I'm sorry, I meant Wings.
Yeah, I was watching Wings.
That doesn't really help
me pin down the time.
Wings is on, like,
15 times a day.
And your neighbors
saw you leave.
All right.
If you really need to know
where I was, I'll tell you.
("Theme from
Love Story" playing)
(sobbing)
Love Story? You were
watching Love Story?
It's considered a classic.
Oh, John.
Love Story?
You are gay.
( upbeat blues theme playing)
Morning, Linda.
(Linda sighs)
Hello.
Thought maybe you
were hiding from me.
I was.
Well, peek-a-boo.
You know, since
I started this case,
one name keeps
running through my mind.
And what name would that be?
Linda. And there's a question
I really need to ask you.
Yes?
Now, I need for you to be
totally honest. Did you...?
Oh, I can't take
the third degree.
All right, I did it.
I had a party here
over the weekend.
I would have had it at my place,
but I didn't wanna
trash my apartment.
You don't know these people.
They like to rock
and roll all night.
And party every day.
So, anyways, I was
gonna wake up early
and come in and
clean up, but I overslept.
So if you have to arrest
me, just don't tell Dr. Becker.
I was just gonna ask, did you
have plans for lunch today?
Oh. Then forget I said anything?
Oh, Borkow, there you are.
Tell me you know something,
will you? About anything.
Uh...
No can do, Dr. Becker.
In fact, I'm afraid this
case is gonna go unsolved.
Between you and me, most
of them end up that way.
Sometimes we get lucky and
find somebody to pin one on.
This is unbelievable.
You know, why do
we even have police?
The whole city looks to you for
protection, and what do we get?
Nothing. You know,
I got news for you.
You just can't sit around
and wait for somebody
to come up and say, "I did it."
God, you're such an idiot.
So...
How about that lunch?
Uh, just give me a second.
Dr. Becker? Hmm?
Are you still real mad
about what happened here?
If I find out who did
this, I will kill them.
And I'll do it in front of
him so I never get caught.
Margaret, I'm going to lunch.
Outstanding. I'll
see you, folks.
Let's go to Jimmy's Steak House.
You can have dead cow for
lunch and Borkow for dessert.
What's that, Margaret?
If I'm not back in an
hour, I'm fired? Okay.
Well, that's that.
Well, John, it could've
been a lot worse.
No one was hurt,
nothing was taken,
and no one saw
you at Love Story.
(groans)
Does everybody
know about that now?
Not yet. But just give
me till the end of the day.
(laughing)
(sighs)
Are you all right?
Well, it hasn't been the best
couple of days, Margaret.
First, the office got
trashed. Then it was my turn.
Apparently, when it comes
to wanting to do me harm,
everyone I've ever met
is a possible suspect.
Well, John, you
may not realize it,
but you don't cut
people much slack.
Yeah, Margaret,
society was founded
on a system of
checks and balances.
Oh, no. Not the
checks-and-balances speech.
Not again. I-I'm sorry,
but it applies now
more than ever.
I mean, the world
is filled with idiots,
and somebody has to point it
out to them or they'll never know.
If they don't know,
they can't change.
And believe me,
they need to change.
And in a way, I'm
doing a public service.
John, I wouldn't work for you
if I didn't know the type
of person you really are.
You're a good man.
But does it have to be
a secret between us?
Do you honestly think
that I deserve all this?
No, I-I'm just saying what
goes around comes around.
Maybe you should look
at this as a wake-up call
because if you keep
acting the way you do,
it's gonna happen
again and again.
And then maybe next
time, you won't be so lucky.
Oh.
Aw, maybe you're right.
(sighs)
The world is tough enough.
(door banging)
The door's unlocked, right?
Yep.
And he still can't get in?
Apparently.
I guess I could be
a little more tolerant.
Oh, you can't
possibly be that stupid.
If you keep pulling,
and it's not working,
there's only more option:
Press the button and push.
Jackass.
Feels good, doesn't it?
( upbeat blues theme playing)
( upbeat blues theme playing)