Becker (1998–2004): Season 3, Episode 23 - Sue You - full transcript

What the hell is this?

An awkward moment.
Did you ever hear of knocking?

Believe me, I wish I had.

Hey, Dr. Becker.

Don't "Hey, Dr. Becker" me.

How could you sue me
for malpractice?

It's something my lawyer said

the two insurance companies
would fight out.

It's nothing personal.

Nothing personal?
You're suing me!

God, I just spoke to you
yesterday.



I mean, what kind of two-bit
ambulance chaser

would get their hooks in you so
fast?

Melvin Goler, attorney at law.

You?
I'd get up,

but I don't know
what they did with my pants.

You gotta be kidding me.

No, it's true.
They took mine too.

What do they do with those?

I don't care
about your damn pants, Vinny.

Calm down, you butcher.
It's lucky for my client.

I was here after you gave him
a heart attack.

I did not give Vinny
a heart attack.

Fine, the day you recklessly
advised my client

to engage in exercise
which led to a heart attack.



Anyway, we're suing
for a million.

Have your lawyer call me.

I-I don't have a lawyer.

Make it 2 million.

Is this guy serious?

He told me I'd be crazy
not to pursue this.

I told you you'd be crazy
not to diet and exercise.

You never listened to me,
did you?

For God's sake, man,
I... I saved your life.

After you endangered it,
you butcher.

Hey, would you stop calling me
a butcher?

Oh, by the way, off the record,

nice flowers.

What?
On the record,

it's interesting you felt guilty
enough to send them.

Oh, wait... Wait a second,
the flowers were not my idea.

They were my nurse's.

Didn't even care enough
to send flowers.

Ah...
Well, thank you for stopping by.

All I need to do is add the word
"butcher,"

I'll have my opening statement.

You know, you go ahead
and sue me, Vinny,

but you're not gonna win,
because I'm right,

and I got the truth on my side.

Oh, the truth.
Make it 3 million.

I mean,
how could that bastard sue me?

I tell you, it shakes your faith
in humanity.

You hate humanity.

No, I dislike humanity.

I hate stuffed peppers.

That's an omelet.

So are you gonna fight this?
Absolutely.

You know, there's no way I'm...
I'm settling.

I'm right, damn it.

Oh, being right has nothing
to do with it, Becker.

People sue over the most
ludicrous things and still win.

They trip over a sidewalk,
and they sue the city.

It rains on their vacation,
and they sue the travel agent.

You could sue someone
if you fell in their apartment.

But make sure they have
insurance first.

I pushed my mother down my
cousin's front step for nothing.

What?
She was already in a wheelchair.

So did you get a lawyer yet?

No, no. The insurance company
is sending one over tomorrow.

Ah.

Oh, your favorite kind
of lawyer: free.

I tell you something, they are
messing with the wrong guy.

You know, they're just trying
to screw me out of a quick buck.

And I will die
before I let that happen.

Wow, John, you're really angry.

This is a side of you
we've seen before.

I tell you, they don't know
who they're dealing with.

I'm not you average moron.

Uh, John...
I know what I said.

Your average moron
wouldn't have known that.

Wouldn't have known what?

Not a word.

My husband made it for me.

Really?
Yes.

Now that he's unemployed, Louis
has some time on his hands.

Some men drink, some men knit.

Apparently, my husband drinks
and then he knits.

What exactly is it?

He calls it a swest.

Not quite a sweater,
but more than a vest.

He made it on a machine he
bought on TV called a KnitWit.

The worst part is,
he said he might drop by,

and I have to continue to wear
this hideous thing all day.

Well, I think it's nice.

Oh, please, I look like a llama.

Margaret,
llamas are beautiful animals.

And I think your swest
looks great.

It really brings out your eyes.

Hey, and it goes nicely
with your pen.

Mm-hm.

I'm serious.

And it's...

Oh, "nitwit." I get it.

Anyways, it's obvious that Louis

put a lot of love and colors
into it.

Besides, at a time like this,
making that probably gave him

a wonderful feeling
of accomplishment.

Mm, I don't know.
Maybe you're right.

Of course I am.

Linda, what's going on?

A bunch of patient stuff,
but that's not important.

Oh, and some lawyer
is in your office,

but that's not important either.

Wait till you see Margaret.

She's wearing
the most hideous thing ever.

The dress with the flowers?

Worse.

The pantsuit with the circles?

Worse. It looks like someone

ate a box of crayons
and threw up a sweater.

Whatever you do, don't laugh.

Linda, Margaret and I have
worked together, side by side,

as trusted associates for years.

Believe me, I know how to keep
a straight face.

Hello.
Hi, Dr. Becker.

I'm Ruth Sonders
from First Medical Insurance.

Oh, yeah. Nice to meet you.

Uh, look, I just want you
to know

I am ready for this lawsuit.

I mean, $3 million?
That's insane.

I agree. Most of the time, these
matters resolve very quickly.

Well, I don't care if this trial
drags on for years.

Well, if we're lucky,
it'll be over by Friday.

If we make them a reasonable
offer, I'm sure they'll settle.

Settle?

Look, there is no way
I am settling.

I'd be admitting
that I was wrong.

Oh, please,
no one admits they're wrong.

We sign some papers,
exchange some money,

and we're all in the bar
having drinks by 6.

No, no, no. No.
I am fighting this.

Look, I am right, and I've got
the truth on my side.

I just assumed. I mean,
most people wanna settle.

Yeah, well, I'm not most people.

Okay, well, fine.
If you wanna fight, we'll fight.

I must say,
I'm impressed by your integrity.

Uh-huh.

I get that a lot.

But this changes things.

I'm gonna need
more information from you.

Oh, uh...

Well, I can't do it right now,
I got patients all day.

Um...
How about after work?

Uh, yeah, all right.
Six o'clock okay?

Yeah, that's fine. Here?
Uh, no, no. Look there's a...

There's a great diner,
couple blocks over.

Go past that, and it's a place
called Reggie's.

Can you believe that guy
is suing Becker?

He's lucky he didn't die
on that treadmill.

Can you imagine if he had?
How bad would that be?

Lying face down on a dirty,
sweaty piece of rubber

while it sands your nose off.

You know, I think the worst way
to die

would be drowning in the ocean.

I mean, you'd be wet,
freezing and gasping for air.

And it'd be really salty.

Salt is so bloating.
Mm-hm.

Yeah, it takes away

from the lustrous good health
of drowning.

You know, drowning is not
the worst way to go.

Drowning is euphoric.
Everyone says so.

Yeah, I believe that's what
it said

on the tickets for the Titanic.

I don't know, maybe.

Okay, okay, look,
here's the worst way to die.

I'm falling off a cliff, right?

Ooh, I like it so far.

And I bash my head on the rocks,
and I fall into the water.

Next thing you know,
a shark is tearing me apart.

Then, I'm inside the shark,
but I'm still not dead.

I'm slowly being digested
for the rest of eternity.

Where do you even come up
with a sick story like that?

I didn't. My ex-wife used
to whisper it in my ear

every night
as I drifted off to sleep.

Reggie, just some coffee,
please.

Whoa, Becker, who is this?
Yeah, Bob, she's my lawyer.

We got a lot to do, so just
leave us alone, will you?

Oh, a lawyer.
She could "debrief" me any day.

You hear what I said there,
Jake? Get it, "debrief"?

Why couldn't I be deaf?

I have a feeling

you're a lot easier
to look at than to listen to.

Don't bet on it.

Hi.

Hello.

I'm Bob.
Hey, go...

Leave us alone, will you?
Hey, Becker, I'm working here.

So how about we go back
to my place

and I'll massage you
with exotic oils?

What are you gonna do,
rub your hair on her?

I'll check back with you.

I'm sorry about him.

Oh, you spray,
you put down traps,

but then you turn on the lights,

and there he is,
staring up at you.

Okay, your notes indicate
that you've been trying

to get Mr. Deluca to exercise
for years.

Right. That's why
I took him to the gym.

You do that with all
your patients?

No, just Vinny.
He's in bad shape.

I mean, the guy
was like a walking time bomb.

You took a walking time bomb
to the gym?

No, t-that's not...
That's not what I...

What I meant was that, you know,

that he could've had
that heart attack at any time.

Any time someone
made him do something strenuous?

That's right. No, th...
No, that's wrong.

Look, he was lucky
that I was there.

So you went to see Vinny
in the hospital. Why?

Because he was my patient,
you know? I felt bad for him.

Oh, so you felt responsible?
No, no, absolutely not.

I was anything but responsible.

So you were irresponsible?
T-that's not what I said.

You know,
I-I did not do anything wrong.

Of course not. You were showing
concern, which is only human.

That's right.
And humans make mistakes.

Exactly.
Like the mistake you made

when you took Mr. Deluca
to the gym,

which led to his heart attack.

I t... I thought you were
on my side. What are you doing?

Giving you a taste of what
an attorney like Melvin Goler

will do to you.

The hemorrhoid guy
at the hospital?

Don't underestimate him.

Look, Dr. Becker,
I know you wanna fight,

but you could lose.

And your insurance rates
will skyrocket.

That's assuming you can get
insurance in the first place.

And that's assuming
that your patients

would wanna go to a doctor who's
been convicted of malpractice.

Don't you get it?

You could lose everything.

Be smart.

Settle this case.

I can't.

Linda, remember yesterday?

Yes.

Let me finish.

Remember yesterday
when I was wearing my swest?

Oh, yeah, I remember that.

It was really pretty.

Well, not everyone who saw it
thought so.

As a matter of fact,
I heard a lot of laughter.

From Dr. Becker, patients,

people on the street,
passing motorists.

Really?
Yes.

In this great multicultural
city,

that was the one thing
that brought everyone together.

It occurred to me that you might
be having a little fun

at my expense.
Were you?

No, Margaret,
I wouldn't do that.

I really liked it.

Thank you, Linda.

Ooh, I almost forgot.

I brought you a present.

Oh, Margaret,
you didn't have to...

Oh, crap.

I told Louis how much you said
you liked my swest,

and he was so touched
that he stayed up all night,

drinking and knitting.

It's just like mine,
only more colorful.

Margaret, I can't accept this.

Oh, but you have to, Linda.

Louis worked so hard on it.

But the swest is something
personal

between you and your husband.
It wouldn't be right for me to...

Oh, Linda, I insist.

Try it on.

But it's so...
Yes?

Lovely.

Well, you know, your lungs
sound a lot better, Mrs. Jordan,

but I think I want to keep you
on that Biaxin a few more days.

Okay.

Dr. Becker?
Hmm?

May I ask you a personal
question?

Oh, Mrs. Jordan,
how many times can I tell you?

I don't wanna go out
with your niece again.

Oh, don't worry. In fact,
you were right about her.

Turns out she is a lesbian.

I'm not saying it's your fault,

but, well,
you didn't exactly help.

Oh, well, what is it?

I just wanted to know
what's happening.

It's all over the neighborhood
how Mr. Deluca almost died.

Well, he did not almost die.

And even if he did,
he's fine now.

Oh, good.

So why is he suing you?

Because he's an idiot.

You know, it's a completely
frivolous lawsuit.

Believe me, I'm gonna win.

But what if you lose?
I'm not gonna lose.

But what if you do?

Will you have to close
your practice?

I can't go to another doctor.
In my whole life,

I've only taken my clothes off
in front of two men.

You and my husband.

Now there's only you.

Well...

Your husband's not dead.

Like I said,
now there's only you.

Oh.

Look, Mrs. Jordan, don't...
Don't worry.

I'm... I'm gonna be here.

John, the schedule
is getting backed up.

Mr. Vernon is in 2. He needs you
to take his stitches out.

All right.
Oh, and Mrs. Berry called.

She said that Kevin has not
forgotten

that you promised him ice cream
when he got his tonsils out.

Oh, right, right.
I'll do that on my way home.

Oh, and Mr. Rodriguez called.

He wants to stop by
and talk to you,

but he said he probably can't
get here until after 6:30.

That's all right.
Tell him I'll stay.

Hey, hey, hey, kids. Back, back.
Go on, back. Go on, scoot.

Margaret, do me a favor,
will you?

See if you can get my lawyer
on the phone.

No, no, no. You think
that's a bad way to die?

Now how about this?

You're in the woods,
your pants are made of meat.

Then come the wolves.

I'll tell you the worst way
to die.

Listening to the two of you
talk about the worst way to die.

Okay, I got one.

You jump from a plane,
your parachute doesn't open,

and you land three feet
from a trampoline.

Reg, coffee, please?

Hey, did you talk
to your lawyer yet?

When are you going to court?

They're working that out.
Bet you can hardly wait.

Gonna go down there
and kick some butt, right?

Well, actually, I've decided
to... Ahem, excuse me.

To settle.
How about that coffee, Reg?

What did you say?

I said coffee, Reg.

No, no, no. What...?
Before that.

Yeah, I heard him too.
He said he was settling.

Becker,
you said you were gonna...

I know what I said.
You know, things change.

Well, you said settling was...

Settling does not mean
I was wrong.

It just means that both parties
are willing to drop the case.

You know, hell,

80 percent of these lawsuits
are just unfounded.

They're after money, that's all.

Wow, 80 percent?
That seems really high.

It might be. I just made it up.

This surprises me.

You know, I don't need you
busting my ass too.

You know, I've got employees,
I got patients,

I got a neighborhood
full of people who,

believe it or not, depend on me.

You know, you gotta think
about the big picture here,

so just get off my back.

I was going to say

I think you did the right thing.

It's the first time
since I've known you

that you haven't let your ego
get in the way.

Thanks, I think.

Oh, hell,
forget about the coffee.

I'm just gonna go back
to the office.

That's it?
You're going back to work?

Well, what am I supposed to do?
Oh, can't you enjoy anything?

For God's sakes, celebrate.

You just avoided
a $3 million lawsuit.

I know.
You can take me to lunch.

Why would I wanna do that?

Oh, come on, Becker,

there's gotta be some perk
in knowing you.

All right, what the hell.
Yeah, I'll take you to lunch.

Just get your coat
before I change my mind.

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

Does this mean
the lady lawyer goes away?

You've ruined Bob's life.

See, I told you settling
was the right thing to do.

This is nice.
Yeah, nice.

What's your problem?

You told me
you were gonna take me to lunch

at Tavern on the Green.

It's right over there.

We're at Tavern on the Green.

Now, nobody said anything
about going inside.

Thank you.

Becker,
you are such a cheap bastard.

It's good for me to get out
like this, get some fresh air.

Get that whole lawsuit
behind me.

You know,
I gotta be honest with you.

I never thought you'd settle.

I thought you would fight it
to the death.

To what end? You know, who needs
the stress, the pressure?

Tag, you're it.

No, I'm not.
You missed me.

Did not.
Did too.

Did not. I got you.

Well, okay, if you say so.

No. No, don't take that.

He totally missed you.

You know he didn't get you.
Why would you say he did?

Now fight back.
Oh, here we go.

No, no, no, this is just wrong.

You don't say you're guilty
if you're not guilty.

That just sucks.

Don't you see? That's what's
wrong with our whole society.

Nobody stands up
for what they believe in.

You're not it. He missed you.

He's wrong, you're right,
and that's all there is to it.

Gee, mister, it's only a game.

A game?

This is not a game.
This is life.

Look, I don't care how much

you sue me for,
I'm not gonna settle.

You may not care
about the truth, but I do.

There's no way I'm saying
I'm guilty when I'm not.

I'll see you two in court.