Becker (1998–2004): Season 3, Episode 1 - The Film Critic - full transcript
John tries repeatedly to enjoy a movie at a theater. Jake 'helps' Reggie register in a college course.
Ugh!
No, don't. Oh.
So anyway, last night I just
roll over in bed and I ask him.
I say, "Raymundo,
did you sleep with her?"
And he's all, "Oh, I swear,
baby, I never touched her.
I know she's your sister,
but she's a lying whore."
Shh! Pfft.
Look, Fred,
there's our building.
No, it's not. It's
Artie's building.
No, it's not. Yes,
it is. I know...
Do you mind? Please.
Hello? Yeah.
I'm at the movies.
No, it's not a bad time.
I don't know if it's
still good. Smell it.
He's all, "You never complained
when I was married
to your sister."
Just throw it out.
Just throw it out in the
trash. I don't need it.
What the hell is the
matter with you people?
This is a movie. You're here
to listen to the actors talk.
That's why the seats face
the screen and not each other.
So you, you know,
divorce Raymundo.
You two divorce each other.
And if you wanna
talk on your phone,
do what everybody else
does, go to a restaurant.
And for the rest of
you, shut the hell up
so I can watch this
damn movie in peace!
Sometimes I feel like the
last civilized person in this city.
You know, all I wanted to
do was go to the movies.
I barely get past
the opening credits
before every
schmuck in the theatre
decides to host
his own talk show.
I finally just had to walk out.
You know, whatever
happened to common courtesy?
I swear, people have
absolutely no regard
for anybody but themselves.
All right, let me guess here.
You wanted to save a nickel,
so you went to the
bargain matinee.
So?
So? That was your first mistake.
Matinees bring out the rabble.
Your low-rent types, your
hardcore unemployable.
Not to mention all
those old pudding junkies
who barely know
they've left the house.
Spend a buck. Go later in
the day. Weeds out the riffraff.
Yeah, you gotta admit, John,
when it comes to
riffraff, he's the man.
So, what movie was it
anyway? Lethal Vision.
Oh, I saw that
movie. It's incredible.
Didn't you love the
ending where the guy's...?
Hey, hey. I just said
I haven't seen it yet.
I haven't either.
Well, you know, first,
everybody talks during the movie,
now you wanna ruin the ending.
You know, there used to be a
moviegoers' code of conduct.
You shut up in the movie,
you shut up about the movie.
And, Bob, as a general
rule, just shut up.
Hey, where's my
coffee? Reg, coffee!
Don't yell at me, Becker.
You want coffee? Finish his.
I've gotta get to
school for registration.
I wanna sign up for this
really easy art history class.
If I don't get there
soon, I'll never get in.
Fine. I'll just
smoke my cigarette.
Ten fewer minutes of a life
I'm not thrilled about anyway.
Listen, Jake, I don't know
how long this is gonna take,
so if I don't come
back, close up for me.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
slow down, Reg.
You might not have to
go down to school at all.
What are you talking about?
I was taking a look at
your course catalogue here.
It says that
handicapped students
get their pick of classes
and they don't have
to wait in the line.
So?
So as luck would have it...
Your luck, not his.
You happen to have
a handicapped friend.
Screw you, Bob. Oh, I'm sorry.
Specially-abled.
Like it takes a special
ability to walk into a lamppost.
Look, all I'm saying is,
send Blindylocks
here in your place
and let him sign you
up. Forget it, Bob.
Reg would never ask
me to do anything like that.
Right, Reg?
Right, Reg?
Well, I really need this course.
And you could go right
to the front of the line.
Come on, Jake, use
your powers for good.
So you want me
to use my handicap
to make myself
an object of pity,
to humiliate myself
just so you can
scam your way
through registration?
Oh, gee, that'd be great.
Look, Louis, I am not gonna
keep going home and making dinner
if you're not gonna be there.
But this is the third
night this week.
What do you mean, you
don't wanna talk about it?
Fine, if you don't
wanna talk about it,
then we won't talk about it.
But believe me, when I get home,
we're gonna talk about it.
So, Margaret,
it's not like I overheard
a phone call or anything,
but I'm sensing that there's
a problem with you and Louis.
Do you wanna talk about it?
Linda, there is
nothing to talk about.
Hey, I hear you.
I hate it when something's
bothering me and people won't...
Leave me alone. Exactly.
Like they think it's
gonna make me feel better
even though I say... I
don't wanna talk about it.
Exactly. Because
when I'm upset...
Linda, I don't
wanna talk about it.
Now leave me alone.
You don't have to tell me twice.
Okay, Linda, who's up?
Something's going on
between Margaret and Louis.
She's really upset, and I
think she needs to talk about it.
But remember, you
didn't hear it from me.
There are only three
of us in this office.
Who else would I
have heard it from?
Damn.
Mr. Thalasinos is in 2.
Margaret, Linda says you have
something you wanna talk about.
She's wrong. I don't.
Well, there you
go. Problem solved.
Oh, don't schedule
anything for me after 4:00.
I'm leaving early
to go to the movies.
Didn't you go to the movies?
Yeah, long story.
What movie are you gonna see?
Lethal Vision. Oh,
that's a great movie.
Especially when you
get to the surprise ending
where the guy's
hanging... Hey, hey!
You say one more
word about that movie,
you're gonna have
a surprise ending.
Don't you just hate it
when you buy a T-shirt
and the instructions
are in French?
I hurt my back. I
couldn't get my shirt off.
What happened?
Well, I was playing basketball.
You?
All right, I was
watching basketball.
It was an exciting game,
and I fell off the couch.
Let's take a look.
Spin around. All right.
All right. Mm-hm.
Does that hurt there? No.
What about here? No.
Hey, I heard you saying you
were going to see Lethal Vision.
Yeah, but don't tell
me anything about it.
Oh, don't waste
your time. It sucks.
That big surprise ending, with
the guy hanging up on the...
Hey, hey, I just said
that I don't wanna
hear anything about it.
Yeah, I don't wanna
know the ending.
Well, you don't
have much choice.
Because you can see it coming
a mile away that the killer is...
That's it. That's the spot.
You sure? Oh, yeah.
You gonna stop
talking about the movie?
Because I could check it again.
Oh, no, that's it.
All right.
Look, I think you
just pulled a muscle,
but I wanna take a
couple of x-rays to be sure.
Follow me.
Aren't you gonna
help me with my shirt?
No.
God, you're more sadistic
than that doctor in the movie
who operates on...
Hey, Reg.
Finally. Jake, where
have you been?
You left hours ago.
Oh, so you were worried
something happened to me?
Yeah, right. So did you
get me into that class?
Okay, now, don't be mad,
but, no, I couldn't
get you that class.
Oh, crap. I mean,
look, it was crowded.
Those college kids were
pushing and shoving like animals.
By the time I figured out
where I was supposed to be,
well, I'm sorry, I was too late.
All right. I guess I shouldn't
have asked you to begin with.
I'll go down there myself.
You're welcome. Oh, yeah.
Thanks.
Becker, don't even ask.
I don't have time to
cook you anything.
You know, ever since I
started not eating here,
I'm feeling a lot better.
I just came to get a
candy bar for the movies.
I'll be damned if I'm gonna
pay those thieves 8 bucks
for a box of Raisinets.
See you.
Hey, wait a minute. Where
do you think you're going?
I heard you stuffing
your pockets with candy.
I'll pay you later.
No, you won't.
Look, I don't have
time to argue with you.
I'm trying to catch a 4:00
showing of Lethal Vision.
Ah, you're gonna
give it another try, huh?
Damn right I am.
I'm gonna go to that
theatre, pay my money again,
and I'm gonna have
the quiet, civilized,
satisfying
movie-going experience
to which I'm entitled.
Reg, can I get some coffee
today or is nothing still the special?
You can get anything you want.
Just don't expect
decent service until May.
What happens in
May? New ownership?
No, that's when my
school semester ends.
By the time I got
to registration,
the art history
class was filled.
All I could choose from
was another psych class
or a seminar on William Blake.
Ah, William Blake.
Nineteenth-century English poet.
Famous painter. And if I recall,
wrote the British national hymn.
I'll take boring for
a hundred, Alex.
My point was,
I was trying to give myself
a break this semester,
but now I'll be working twice
as hard as I was last term.
Well, I feel for you, Reg,
but I gotta be honest,
the only bitching I can
tolerate this early is my own.
Get out of my way.
Hey. Excuse me.
I'm looking for a guy named
Jake. I think he works here.
Oh, he's not in
yet. Can I help you?
Mm, no, I was just
in the neighborhood.
I thought I'd stop by.
We're going to dinner tonight.
Oh, I'm Shannon, by the way.
Reggie. Hi.
Hi. So where'd you meet Jake?
Oh, at my college registration.
Really? He didn't
mention meeting anyone.
Well, yeah. Oh, he did
the nicest thing for me.
See, uh, he got the last spot
in this one art
history class I needed.
But then... Excuse me.
Did you say art history? Yeah.
Anyway, when I told
him how much I needed it,
he just gave it to me.
Wasn't that sweet?
Yeah, sweet.
I know. My heart
just went out to him.
I mean, it's tough enough
getting through school.
I can't even imagine trying
to handle it being blind.
Well, I'll see you.
You know, Shannon...
Ah. I probably
shouldn't say anything.
No, you know what, I should.
You deserve to know.
Jake isn't really blind.
What? Oh, it's a scam.
The glasses, the cane,
he bumps into stuff.
Women think he's
helpless, and they just melt.
Oh, you're kidding.
Well, how long does
he usually keep this up?
Well, usually until he...
His words, not mine.
Closes.
What a pig.
Well, listen, you
can tell him for me
that he can go straight to hell.
Wouldn't you rather
tell him yourself?
Like, I don't know,
after a really expensive dinner?
Oh, yeah, that's good. Thanks.
Mm, if you shoot at the queen,
you'd better kill her.
Doctor's office. Oh, hi, Louis.
That's why I didn't answer it.
I'm glad you called.
Uh, John is leaving early,
so if you want, maybe
we could go to...
You're going out with
your friends again?
Louis, what is going on?
Fine. Call if you're
gonna be late.
If you really wanna
talk about it...
I don't wanna talk about it.
Dr. Becker, I'm so worried
about Margaret and Louis.
And now she really
doesn't wanna talk about it.
So I think you know
what you should do.
Yes, I do. Go to the movies.
But Margaret is upset,
and that's way more important
than that stupid
Lethal Vision movie.
Big surprise ending. So what?
The guy hanging...
Hey, hey, hey.
What is it with everyone?
It used to be when
people went to the movies,
they didn't talk about it.
You know, when
Hitchcock made Psycho,
they had signs in the lobby
warning people not
to talk about the movie.
And you know what? They didn't.
That way nobody
knew that Tony Perkins
dressed up as his mother
and killed all those people.
So you're telling me
that you like movies
where men dress up
in women's clothing?
That has nothing to do... Ugh.
Yeah, Linda, yeah, right.
I love movies about
cross-dressing killers.
Well, then you're
gonna love Lethal Vision.
Margaret, I just
want you to know,
if you need somebody
to talk to, I'm here for you.
I don't need to
talk. Oh, thank God.
I only got about five
minutes to get to the movie.
You're going to
the movies? Yeah.
What are you gonna
see? Lethal Vision.
But don't tell me
anything about it.
No, I wasn't going to.
I haven't seen it either.
In fact, I was gonna
ask if I could go with you.
Oh, Margaret... Maybe
that just what I need.
A nice quiet movie to
take my mind off things.
All right.
You did say quiet movie.
Yeah, I just wanna
sit in the dark
and escape into
someone else's life.
You are, Margaret.
You're escaping into mine.
Insurance.
John. Shh, no.
I just wanna say I'm sorry
for being so moody lately.
Okay, okay, great. Just...
Shh!
There's just a lot
going on at home.
There's a lot going on up there.
Hey, come on, be quiet.
I know, I know.
Don't... Don't worry.
Louis and I are really
having problems.
Now you have to talk about it?
I mean, you've waited this
long, wait another two hours.
Do you mind?
He's distant. He's moody.
He's almost never at home.
Well, maybe it's because
you talk too much.
Hey, you know, you gotta
cut her a little slack here.
You know, she's having problems.
I'm sorry, John. I'm fine now.
Good.
It's all right. She's fine.
Shh!
Come on, come on. I wanna
see this movie as much as you do.
But the woman's
in pain, you know.
Don't you have any compassion
for any other people's feelings?
John, John, it's okay. Be quiet.
Yeah, John. Shut up.
Please, please don't do this.
Don't you know any better
than to talk during the movies?
There's a reason the
seats face the screen
instead of each other.
Hey, that's mine. I'm
the one who says that.
I say it all the
time. Ask anyone.
I'm always saying that.
I am. AUDIENCE: Shh!
John, let's go. No, no,
no, I'm staying here.
I wanna see this movie.
John, please, you're
causing a scene.
Let's go. Well,
it's just not fair.
I never talk in the
movies. As a matter of fact,
if you hear "shh" in a
movie, it's probably me.
I'm the good one.
I'm the polite one.
I mean, whatever happened
to common courtesy?
You know, when
Hitchcock made Psycho...
Shh!
Jake, I'm sorry.
When I suggested
that restaurant,
I had no idea it would
be so expensive.
Oh, that's okay.
It wasn't that the
restaurant cost so much,
it was, well, all the
food you ordered.
Well, the steak was a
little overdone, you know...
So it's a good thing you
had that 7-pound lobster.
Well, you have to
admit it went great
with that second
bottle of champagne.
Heh. I'll be honest,
I've never seen anyone,
man or woman, eat
that much. Ha-ha.
Mm. I bet there's a whole lot
you haven't seen, huh, Jake?
Um, maybe I should
have mentioned this before,
but whenever we get to a
curb, if you could let me know,
that would really be a big help.
Oh, come on. How
long are you gonna
keep this up
pretending to be blind?
What are you talking
about? I am blind.
Let me tell you something.
This is one deal you are
never gonna close, okay?
And get rid of this stupid
cane and these dumb glasses.
Hey, what are you
doing? I need those.
Please. Reggie
told me everything.
Reggie? Oh.
Screw you, Jake.
Shannon. Shannon.
Uh-oh.
Oh.
Oh, no.
Oh.
Hey, what, are you blind? Yes!
Every marriage goes
through a bad week or two.
But that's what I'm
trying to tell you, John.
It hasn't just been
for the last few days.
I haven't said anything,
but things at home
haven't been good
for a very long time.
We don't go out, we don't talk.
And when it comes
to the bedroom, I...
No, no, no, let's just leave it
at things aren't good at home.
Cretin.
I just don't know
what's going on.
Have you asked him?
Of course I've asked him.
He said he didn't
wanna talk about it.
You're just gonna have
to tell him how you feel.
I feel angry. I feel confused.
I feel lonely. I feel...
I said, tell him how you feel.
Oh, you're right.
I'm just gonna have to go
and deal with this situation.
Oh. Taxi.
Oh, John, that was
kind of weird in there.
Are you all right?
Yeah, I'm... I'm fine.
You seemed really wound up.
Well, you know, Margaret,
there used to be something called
a moviegoers' code of conduct...
Mm-hm.
Well, there was.
Hey, Jake. What
are you doing here?
John, is that you? Yeah.
You all right? You
don't look so good.
Well, all I can tell you
is never lie to Reggie.
Ever. Ever!
Where am I, anyway?
Uh, outside the theatre.
I went to go see
Lethal Vision again.
Oh, yeah? How'd you
like it? I have no idea.
You know, so far,
I've paid 23 bucks
for a movie I haven't seen.
Hm, that's nothing.
I just paid 200 for
a dinner I didn't eat.
Oh.
Well, uh, listen, I'm
sorry. I've gotta go.
For some reason I still
wanna see this damn movie.
Well, you mind if I come along?
Oh, well, sure. Yeah, okay.
Okay. Hang on.
What happened to your cane?
Oh, you don't wanna know.
What's going on?
Car chase.
Who fired the gun?
Bad guy.
Who'd he shoot at?
Good guy.
Did he hit him?
Come on.
John? John?
No, don't. Oh.
So anyway, last night I just
roll over in bed and I ask him.
I say, "Raymundo,
did you sleep with her?"
And he's all, "Oh, I swear,
baby, I never touched her.
I know she's your sister,
but she's a lying whore."
Shh! Pfft.
Look, Fred,
there's our building.
No, it's not. It's
Artie's building.
No, it's not. Yes,
it is. I know...
Do you mind? Please.
Hello? Yeah.
I'm at the movies.
No, it's not a bad time.
I don't know if it's
still good. Smell it.
He's all, "You never complained
when I was married
to your sister."
Just throw it out.
Just throw it out in the
trash. I don't need it.
What the hell is the
matter with you people?
This is a movie. You're here
to listen to the actors talk.
That's why the seats face
the screen and not each other.
So you, you know,
divorce Raymundo.
You two divorce each other.
And if you wanna
talk on your phone,
do what everybody else
does, go to a restaurant.
And for the rest of
you, shut the hell up
so I can watch this
damn movie in peace!
Sometimes I feel like the
last civilized person in this city.
You know, all I wanted to
do was go to the movies.
I barely get past
the opening credits
before every
schmuck in the theatre
decides to host
his own talk show.
I finally just had to walk out.
You know, whatever
happened to common courtesy?
I swear, people have
absolutely no regard
for anybody but themselves.
All right, let me guess here.
You wanted to save a nickel,
so you went to the
bargain matinee.
So?
So? That was your first mistake.
Matinees bring out the rabble.
Your low-rent types, your
hardcore unemployable.
Not to mention all
those old pudding junkies
who barely know
they've left the house.
Spend a buck. Go later in
the day. Weeds out the riffraff.
Yeah, you gotta admit, John,
when it comes to
riffraff, he's the man.
So, what movie was it
anyway? Lethal Vision.
Oh, I saw that
movie. It's incredible.
Didn't you love the
ending where the guy's...?
Hey, hey. I just said
I haven't seen it yet.
I haven't either.
Well, you know, first,
everybody talks during the movie,
now you wanna ruin the ending.
You know, there used to be a
moviegoers' code of conduct.
You shut up in the movie,
you shut up about the movie.
And, Bob, as a general
rule, just shut up.
Hey, where's my
coffee? Reg, coffee!
Don't yell at me, Becker.
You want coffee? Finish his.
I've gotta get to
school for registration.
I wanna sign up for this
really easy art history class.
If I don't get there
soon, I'll never get in.
Fine. I'll just
smoke my cigarette.
Ten fewer minutes of a life
I'm not thrilled about anyway.
Listen, Jake, I don't know
how long this is gonna take,
so if I don't come
back, close up for me.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
slow down, Reg.
You might not have to
go down to school at all.
What are you talking about?
I was taking a look at
your course catalogue here.
It says that
handicapped students
get their pick of classes
and they don't have
to wait in the line.
So?
So as luck would have it...
Your luck, not his.
You happen to have
a handicapped friend.
Screw you, Bob. Oh, I'm sorry.
Specially-abled.
Like it takes a special
ability to walk into a lamppost.
Look, all I'm saying is,
send Blindylocks
here in your place
and let him sign you
up. Forget it, Bob.
Reg would never ask
me to do anything like that.
Right, Reg?
Right, Reg?
Well, I really need this course.
And you could go right
to the front of the line.
Come on, Jake, use
your powers for good.
So you want me
to use my handicap
to make myself
an object of pity,
to humiliate myself
just so you can
scam your way
through registration?
Oh, gee, that'd be great.
Look, Louis, I am not gonna
keep going home and making dinner
if you're not gonna be there.
But this is the third
night this week.
What do you mean, you
don't wanna talk about it?
Fine, if you don't
wanna talk about it,
then we won't talk about it.
But believe me, when I get home,
we're gonna talk about it.
So, Margaret,
it's not like I overheard
a phone call or anything,
but I'm sensing that there's
a problem with you and Louis.
Do you wanna talk about it?
Linda, there is
nothing to talk about.
Hey, I hear you.
I hate it when something's
bothering me and people won't...
Leave me alone. Exactly.
Like they think it's
gonna make me feel better
even though I say... I
don't wanna talk about it.
Exactly. Because
when I'm upset...
Linda, I don't
wanna talk about it.
Now leave me alone.
You don't have to tell me twice.
Okay, Linda, who's up?
Something's going on
between Margaret and Louis.
She's really upset, and I
think she needs to talk about it.
But remember, you
didn't hear it from me.
There are only three
of us in this office.
Who else would I
have heard it from?
Damn.
Mr. Thalasinos is in 2.
Margaret, Linda says you have
something you wanna talk about.
She's wrong. I don't.
Well, there you
go. Problem solved.
Oh, don't schedule
anything for me after 4:00.
I'm leaving early
to go to the movies.
Didn't you go to the movies?
Yeah, long story.
What movie are you gonna see?
Lethal Vision. Oh,
that's a great movie.
Especially when you
get to the surprise ending
where the guy's
hanging... Hey, hey!
You say one more
word about that movie,
you're gonna have
a surprise ending.
Don't you just hate it
when you buy a T-shirt
and the instructions
are in French?
I hurt my back. I
couldn't get my shirt off.
What happened?
Well, I was playing basketball.
You?
All right, I was
watching basketball.
It was an exciting game,
and I fell off the couch.
Let's take a look.
Spin around. All right.
All right. Mm-hm.
Does that hurt there? No.
What about here? No.
Hey, I heard you saying you
were going to see Lethal Vision.
Yeah, but don't tell
me anything about it.
Oh, don't waste
your time. It sucks.
That big surprise ending, with
the guy hanging up on the...
Hey, hey, I just said
that I don't wanna
hear anything about it.
Yeah, I don't wanna
know the ending.
Well, you don't
have much choice.
Because you can see it coming
a mile away that the killer is...
That's it. That's the spot.
You sure? Oh, yeah.
You gonna stop
talking about the movie?
Because I could check it again.
Oh, no, that's it.
All right.
Look, I think you
just pulled a muscle,
but I wanna take a
couple of x-rays to be sure.
Follow me.
Aren't you gonna
help me with my shirt?
No.
God, you're more sadistic
than that doctor in the movie
who operates on...
Hey, Reg.
Finally. Jake, where
have you been?
You left hours ago.
Oh, so you were worried
something happened to me?
Yeah, right. So did you
get me into that class?
Okay, now, don't be mad,
but, no, I couldn't
get you that class.
Oh, crap. I mean,
look, it was crowded.
Those college kids were
pushing and shoving like animals.
By the time I figured out
where I was supposed to be,
well, I'm sorry, I was too late.
All right. I guess I shouldn't
have asked you to begin with.
I'll go down there myself.
You're welcome. Oh, yeah.
Thanks.
Becker, don't even ask.
I don't have time to
cook you anything.
You know, ever since I
started not eating here,
I'm feeling a lot better.
I just came to get a
candy bar for the movies.
I'll be damned if I'm gonna
pay those thieves 8 bucks
for a box of Raisinets.
See you.
Hey, wait a minute. Where
do you think you're going?
I heard you stuffing
your pockets with candy.
I'll pay you later.
No, you won't.
Look, I don't have
time to argue with you.
I'm trying to catch a 4:00
showing of Lethal Vision.
Ah, you're gonna
give it another try, huh?
Damn right I am.
I'm gonna go to that
theatre, pay my money again,
and I'm gonna have
the quiet, civilized,
satisfying
movie-going experience
to which I'm entitled.
Reg, can I get some coffee
today or is nothing still the special?
You can get anything you want.
Just don't expect
decent service until May.
What happens in
May? New ownership?
No, that's when my
school semester ends.
By the time I got
to registration,
the art history
class was filled.
All I could choose from
was another psych class
or a seminar on William Blake.
Ah, William Blake.
Nineteenth-century English poet.
Famous painter. And if I recall,
wrote the British national hymn.
I'll take boring for
a hundred, Alex.
My point was,
I was trying to give myself
a break this semester,
but now I'll be working twice
as hard as I was last term.
Well, I feel for you, Reg,
but I gotta be honest,
the only bitching I can
tolerate this early is my own.
Get out of my way.
Hey. Excuse me.
I'm looking for a guy named
Jake. I think he works here.
Oh, he's not in
yet. Can I help you?
Mm, no, I was just
in the neighborhood.
I thought I'd stop by.
We're going to dinner tonight.
Oh, I'm Shannon, by the way.
Reggie. Hi.
Hi. So where'd you meet Jake?
Oh, at my college registration.
Really? He didn't
mention meeting anyone.
Well, yeah. Oh, he did
the nicest thing for me.
See, uh, he got the last spot
in this one art
history class I needed.
But then... Excuse me.
Did you say art history? Yeah.
Anyway, when I told
him how much I needed it,
he just gave it to me.
Wasn't that sweet?
Yeah, sweet.
I know. My heart
just went out to him.
I mean, it's tough enough
getting through school.
I can't even imagine trying
to handle it being blind.
Well, I'll see you.
You know, Shannon...
Ah. I probably
shouldn't say anything.
No, you know what, I should.
You deserve to know.
Jake isn't really blind.
What? Oh, it's a scam.
The glasses, the cane,
he bumps into stuff.
Women think he's
helpless, and they just melt.
Oh, you're kidding.
Well, how long does
he usually keep this up?
Well, usually until he...
His words, not mine.
Closes.
What a pig.
Well, listen, you
can tell him for me
that he can go straight to hell.
Wouldn't you rather
tell him yourself?
Like, I don't know,
after a really expensive dinner?
Oh, yeah, that's good. Thanks.
Mm, if you shoot at the queen,
you'd better kill her.
Doctor's office. Oh, hi, Louis.
That's why I didn't answer it.
I'm glad you called.
Uh, John is leaving early,
so if you want, maybe
we could go to...
You're going out with
your friends again?
Louis, what is going on?
Fine. Call if you're
gonna be late.
If you really wanna
talk about it...
I don't wanna talk about it.
Dr. Becker, I'm so worried
about Margaret and Louis.
And now she really
doesn't wanna talk about it.
So I think you know
what you should do.
Yes, I do. Go to the movies.
But Margaret is upset,
and that's way more important
than that stupid
Lethal Vision movie.
Big surprise ending. So what?
The guy hanging...
Hey, hey, hey.
What is it with everyone?
It used to be when
people went to the movies,
they didn't talk about it.
You know, when
Hitchcock made Psycho,
they had signs in the lobby
warning people not
to talk about the movie.
And you know what? They didn't.
That way nobody
knew that Tony Perkins
dressed up as his mother
and killed all those people.
So you're telling me
that you like movies
where men dress up
in women's clothing?
That has nothing to do... Ugh.
Yeah, Linda, yeah, right.
I love movies about
cross-dressing killers.
Well, then you're
gonna love Lethal Vision.
Margaret, I just
want you to know,
if you need somebody
to talk to, I'm here for you.
I don't need to
talk. Oh, thank God.
I only got about five
minutes to get to the movie.
You're going to
the movies? Yeah.
What are you gonna
see? Lethal Vision.
But don't tell me
anything about it.
No, I wasn't going to.
I haven't seen it either.
In fact, I was gonna
ask if I could go with you.
Oh, Margaret... Maybe
that just what I need.
A nice quiet movie to
take my mind off things.
All right.
You did say quiet movie.
Yeah, I just wanna
sit in the dark
and escape into
someone else's life.
You are, Margaret.
You're escaping into mine.
Insurance.
John. Shh, no.
I just wanna say I'm sorry
for being so moody lately.
Okay, okay, great. Just...
Shh!
There's just a lot
going on at home.
There's a lot going on up there.
Hey, come on, be quiet.
I know, I know.
Don't... Don't worry.
Louis and I are really
having problems.
Now you have to talk about it?
I mean, you've waited this
long, wait another two hours.
Do you mind?
He's distant. He's moody.
He's almost never at home.
Well, maybe it's because
you talk too much.
Hey, you know, you gotta
cut her a little slack here.
You know, she's having problems.
I'm sorry, John. I'm fine now.
Good.
It's all right. She's fine.
Shh!
Come on, come on. I wanna
see this movie as much as you do.
But the woman's
in pain, you know.
Don't you have any compassion
for any other people's feelings?
John, John, it's okay. Be quiet.
Yeah, John. Shut up.
Please, please don't do this.
Don't you know any better
than to talk during the movies?
There's a reason the
seats face the screen
instead of each other.
Hey, that's mine. I'm
the one who says that.
I say it all the
time. Ask anyone.
I'm always saying that.
I am. AUDIENCE: Shh!
John, let's go. No, no,
no, I'm staying here.
I wanna see this movie.
John, please, you're
causing a scene.
Let's go. Well,
it's just not fair.
I never talk in the
movies. As a matter of fact,
if you hear "shh" in a
movie, it's probably me.
I'm the good one.
I'm the polite one.
I mean, whatever happened
to common courtesy?
You know, when
Hitchcock made Psycho...
Shh!
Jake, I'm sorry.
When I suggested
that restaurant,
I had no idea it would
be so expensive.
Oh, that's okay.
It wasn't that the
restaurant cost so much,
it was, well, all the
food you ordered.
Well, the steak was a
little overdone, you know...
So it's a good thing you
had that 7-pound lobster.
Well, you have to
admit it went great
with that second
bottle of champagne.
Heh. I'll be honest,
I've never seen anyone,
man or woman, eat
that much. Ha-ha.
Mm. I bet there's a whole lot
you haven't seen, huh, Jake?
Um, maybe I should
have mentioned this before,
but whenever we get to a
curb, if you could let me know,
that would really be a big help.
Oh, come on. How
long are you gonna
keep this up
pretending to be blind?
What are you talking
about? I am blind.
Let me tell you something.
This is one deal you are
never gonna close, okay?
And get rid of this stupid
cane and these dumb glasses.
Hey, what are you
doing? I need those.
Please. Reggie
told me everything.
Reggie? Oh.
Screw you, Jake.
Shannon. Shannon.
Uh-oh.
Oh.
Oh, no.
Oh.
Hey, what, are you blind? Yes!
Every marriage goes
through a bad week or two.
But that's what I'm
trying to tell you, John.
It hasn't just been
for the last few days.
I haven't said anything,
but things at home
haven't been good
for a very long time.
We don't go out, we don't talk.
And when it comes
to the bedroom, I...
No, no, no, let's just leave it
at things aren't good at home.
Cretin.
I just don't know
what's going on.
Have you asked him?
Of course I've asked him.
He said he didn't
wanna talk about it.
You're just gonna have
to tell him how you feel.
I feel angry. I feel confused.
I feel lonely. I feel...
I said, tell him how you feel.
Oh, you're right.
I'm just gonna have to go
and deal with this situation.
Oh. Taxi.
Oh, John, that was
kind of weird in there.
Are you all right?
Yeah, I'm... I'm fine.
You seemed really wound up.
Well, you know, Margaret,
there used to be something called
a moviegoers' code of conduct...
Mm-hm.
Well, there was.
Hey, Jake. What
are you doing here?
John, is that you? Yeah.
You all right? You
don't look so good.
Well, all I can tell you
is never lie to Reggie.
Ever. Ever!
Where am I, anyway?
Uh, outside the theatre.
I went to go see
Lethal Vision again.
Oh, yeah? How'd you
like it? I have no idea.
You know, so far,
I've paid 23 bucks
for a movie I haven't seen.
Hm, that's nothing.
I just paid 200 for
a dinner I didn't eat.
Oh.
Well, uh, listen, I'm
sorry. I've gotta go.
For some reason I still
wanna see this damn movie.
Well, you mind if I come along?
Oh, well, sure. Yeah, okay.
Okay. Hang on.
What happened to your cane?
Oh, you don't wanna know.
What's going on?
Car chase.
Who fired the gun?
Bad guy.
Who'd he shoot at?
Good guy.
Did he hit him?
Come on.
John? John?