Becker (1998–2004): Season 2, Episode 4 - Linda Quits - full transcript

( upbeat blues theme playing )

Bob, get away
from the window,

he's gonna see you.

Relax, he's not
even looking at me.

What's he doing now?

Scratching himself.

Not Bob,
the guy outside.

He just keeps
pacing back and forth.

Maybe he's homeless.

Though, he is well-dressed.

JAKE:
Oh, you know,



some homeless people
dress well, some don't.

Right, Bob?

Hey, Bob is not homeless.

Bob has a place to sleep.

As long as Mom's roommate
stays in the coma

and on her side
of the bed.

So I'm watching TV this morning,
and there's this couple

from who knows, you know,
Booger, Wyoming.

They're standing there
with more babies

than there are Miami Dolphins.

I mean, what the hell is that?

I say if your husband's
unemployed,

and your house is on wheels,

maybe you oughta buy
less beer and more condoms.



I mean, am I the only one
who feels that way?

Look at him out there.

He just keeps
going up to people

like he's searching
for someone.

Okay, fine,

so I'm the only one.

Hey, Becker,

you see that man
pacing outside?

We can't figure out his story.

Who gives a crap?

Coffee to go.

I think he's waiting
for a woman.

Well, then he needs
to go two blocks over.

But he should stay away from
that girl in the leopard coat.

( snickers ):
She's a guy.

I hope you learned that
the hard way.

( chuckling )
What I meant was,

maybe he's waiting
for the woman of his dreams,

like in one of those
old movies.

Yeah, Reg, uh,

the people
in those movies:

all dead.

Don't you have an ounce
of romance in your soul?

What makes you even think
he has a soul?

Oh, please.

Romance is like
cheese in a mousetrap.

It's what baits you
into position

so the metal bar
of reality

comes snapping down
on your neck.

Well, you're just so upset

because you were
unlucky in love.

I was not unlucky
in love.

I was unlucky
in court.

( upbeat blues theme swells )

( upbeat blues theme playing )

When is the doctor
gonna be here?

Mr. Barsotti,
please, relax.

Relax?

I have this horrible pain.

It's a disease,
I know it.

Now, now, calm down.

Where exactly is the pain?

Right here.

Oh, that's not good at all.

But it just
started today, right?

No, I've had it for days.

And you're just
coming in now?

Should I have
come in earlier?

I don't know,
I'm not a doctor.

Oh, G-- Well,
has anyone else ever had this?

Well, Mrs. Owen had it.

But she died.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.
Oh, God.

What the hell's
going on here?

Linda thinks I have
what Mrs. Owen had,

and she died.

N-- No, she didn't.

Yes, she did.

I heard you say it.

I didn't say she died.

I said I put her
on a diet.

Oh.

Do me a favor, will ya?

Go-- Go on back
to Room One.

I'll be with you in a second.

What the hell
are you thinking?

Okay, here's the thing--

No, I--

I'm having
a really bad week.

My parents came
to visit and, well,

you know how parents
can be.

They just make me so nervous.
And then I--

Yeah, Linda, Linda,
I really don't care.

You know,
for God's sake,

are you capable
of doing anything right?

Well...yes.

But none of those things
seem to count here.

Linda?

Did my dentist call
last week

to cancel an appointment
for this morning?

Okay, here's the thing.

No.

Here's the thing.

I got up at 5 a.m.

to go to a dentist appointment
I didn't have.

I want my messages,
I want them on time,

and I don't want
any more excuses.

I'm sorry.

I'm just stupid.

Stupid, stupid,
stupid...

Linda, you don't
have to say that...

quite so many times.

( upbeat blues theme playing )

( ringing )

Is anybody gonna answer
the damn--

Would it have killed one of you
to pick up the phone?

Doctor's office.

This is Dr. Becker.

What?

Tw-- Two pills every hour?

No, no, no, no,
that's not right.

It's-- It's two pills
every day.

Yeah, thank you
very much for calling.

Yeah, Margaret?

What now?

Well, that was the pharmacy.

Apparently, we were
about to give Mrs. Sussman

enough estrogen to rocket her
out of menopause

and back into puberty.

Well, don't look at me,

I didn't do it.

Sorry I'm late,
but the coffee place

was crowded and--

In my own defense,
whatever I did,

I'm sure I meant well.

You screwed up
Mrs. Sussman's prescription.

I did? Is she okay?

Yes, but only because

the pharmacy
caught your mistake.

BECKER:
You know, Linda,
this is a doctor's office.

It's not a hair salon where
the worst thing you could do

was turn some poor woman's head
fluorescent green.

Hey, when she went jogging
that night,

that hair color
saved her life.

Dammit, Linda,
don't you get it?

I mean,
you're just lucky

that it wasn't
any more serious this time.

I-I have more
to do around here

than worrying about
your screw-ups.

I'm sorry.

I keep telling you, Linda,

we can't afford
to be sorry here.

We have to be right.

( mellow blues theme playing )

How long's
he been out there?

Well, he was here
all day yesterday

and now he's back again.

Same thing everyday.

Back and forth,
back and forth.

What kind of loser
just hangs outside

doing nothing
day after day af--

But we're inside.
That's different.

( all agreeing indistinctly )

Now, I bet he's planning
on robbing a bank.

Oh, don't be stupid.

Well, then maybe
he's protesting something.

Does he have
a picket sign?

No, but, uh, maybe he hasn't
figured out what he's against.

I still say he's looking
for a lost love.

You can see it in his eyes.

Could be.

Since my wife left me,

I myself have spent
many a happy hour

staring into the window
of that aerobics studio

across the street.

That's not
an aerobics studio.

That's where they do physical
therapy for senior citizens.

Hey, those broads
eat cheap,

they go to the movies
for half-price,

and every month they get a check
from the government.

What not to like?

You know, I think
he's a jazz musician

who fell on hard times,
lost his chops and--

And had to pawn
his saxophone

just to get enough
to get by.

Now he's out there
trying to

rediscover the music
lost deep within his soul.

Jake?
Hm?

He's white.

Oh, then it's that
bank robber thing.

( upbeat jazz theme playing )

Margaret, take care of this
for me, will ya?

Oh, another ticket?

It's not my fault.

Traffic was too slow.

I went around.

How far around?

The sidewalk.

Who-- Who-- Who's up?

Well give me a second, I'm all
alone.

What do you mean y--
Where's Linda?

Where's Linda?

Why don't I let her tell you
in her own words?

What do you--
No, just tell me yourself.

Don't--

( phone ringing )

LINDA ( over phone ):
Hi, it's Linda.

If this is a telemarketer,
whatever you're selling,

the answer is no.

All right, yes,
but just this once.

And if this is Margaret
or Dr. Becker,

I know I've really been messing
up a lot lately,

and I think
it's better for everybody

if I don't work there anymore.

I'm sorry.

( hangs up )

Well, what the hell
did you say to her?

Don't you even try
to pin this on me.

That is all your fault.

Me?

She-- She quit.
I didn't fire her.

She was just upset.

Can't you see that
that was a cry for help?

Margaret,
this is a doctor's office.

We're not here
to help people.

Oh!

Besides, this is a good chance

for you to bring
in somebody new.

What, and start over?

Do you know how much time I have
invested figuring that girl out?

Well, just-- Just find someone,
will you, Margaret?

And someone better than that--
That girl who sold

all our drug samples outside
on her break, will you?

We-- We were swamped

with angry junkies
trying to return Claritin.

Oh, you think it's so easy
to find someone to work here?

Look at this.

I call it my
"Life's Too Short" file.

That's what all those people
you interviewed said

after spending
five minutes with you.

Bunch of losers.

Look, all we gotta do is find
someone who can show up on time,

knows the alphabet,
and doesn't have a rap sheet.

I could find somebody
in five minutes.

You're on.

It's not that easy, John.

You are abusive,
you're demanding,

and you pay minimum wage.

Well, you work here.

Keep talking.

You're gonna be looking
for two people.

( upbeat blues theme swells )

( upbeat blues theme playing )

Gee, Ann,
you're already done

preparing the samples
for the lab?

I finished an hour ago.

Now I'm updating
the charts.

Oh, let me show you
how we do that--

Oh, that's okay.
I got it.

In fact, I think I have
everything under control.

Except for the filling system.

No offense,

but was your
last assistant dyslexic?

Oh, if only
it were that simple.

Hi.

Oh, Mr. Barsotti,
Dr. Becker wants you

to wait for him
in his office.

In his office?

Oh, no,

it's bad news,
isn't it?

Would you just please
calm down?

The doctor always goes over
test results in his office.

But, if it were
good news, he--

Mr. Barsotti, Mr. Barsotti?
He--

My name is Ann.

Why don't you
come with me?

Maybe I can
help him relax.

Thanks, Ann.

( murmuring indistinctly )

So, Margaret,
how's the new assistant,

whom I picked
all by myself

with no help from you,
working out?

Oh, I'm sorry
I have to admit it, John,

but she does
seem perfect.

Oh, perfect.

So, on a scale
of one to ten, you'd say--

I'd say shut up.

Mr. Barsotti's file.

He is shaking
like a leaf back there

waiting for
his test results.

Such a big baby.

It's just a mild ulcer.

Well, tell him quick,
would you?

Ann is back there
trying to calm him down.

Say, that Ann is a find.

And who found her?

Go.

Ann and--
And Mr. Barsotti--

Did they know each other
before today?

Dr. Becker.

I can explain
everything.

Yeah, what part don't you
think I understand?

I-- I was just, well--

I've been--

I've had a problem
with sexual addiction.

You mean that
they were back there--

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

But I'm dealing with it.

In fact,
I'm in a 12 step program.

Sounds like you just
backed up a couple of steps.

Dr. Becker, I admit
this is a slight setback but--

Oh, you're going to fire me,
aren't you?

What do you think?

Isn't there anything
I can do to change your mind?

Thanks, but no.

D-- Don't--
Don't even say a word.

You are the best damn doctor
in the whole world.

What just happened is not part
of your treatment.

Could it be?

Sit down, will ya?

I wanna go over
your test results.

Ah, mail 'em to me.

Hey, hey, come back.

You have an ulcer, y--

Thank you!

John, you were right.

That Ann sure was a find.

And who found her?

Yep. Go on,
get it all out.

Most doctors just give their
patients calendars or pens.

Are you done?
For now.

( giggles )

So what are we gonna do
about a new assistant?

Well, we still need
to find one.

As a matter of fact,
it's your turn.

Okay.

I pick Linda.

No, come on, Margaret.

L-- Linda's--

Look, I know
what you're gonna say.

She wasn't efficient.
She was always late.

She screwed up the phone.

She stole stamps.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

She stole stamps?

Oh, please, John,
we all steal stamps.

I don't.

They're your stamps.

Look, John,
I can't explain it,

but the patients
really like her.

The patients
really like Ann.

John, I'm serious.

She's great with them.

Come on, Margaret--

And do you know
that every time Mrs. Harding

has an appointment,

it's Linda who picks her up
and takes her home?

And the kids
really love her.

Ricky Lopez won't even
take his shots

unless Linda
holds his hand.

Yeah, I know all--
And, most important,

she knows how to deal with you.

She ignores me.

Do you know how long it takes
most people to figure that out?

All right, all right, fine.

You have my permission
to call her.

She's not answering
her phone.

So you have my permission
to go and talk to her.

Here's her address.

No, I-- Look, I--

Margaret, I--
I'm not gonna do it.

John, she deserves
another chance,

and I think she needs
to hear it from you.

I'm not gonna beg her
to come back.

It doesn't work that way.

Excuse me.

Is Ann available
for homecare?

Count your blessings and go.

( upbeat blues theme playing )

How do you know
that he's not a bank robber?

Because the nearest bank
is four blocks away.

You're both wrong!

( all arguing )

You guys still at it?

I still say--

( all ):
he's waiting for a lost love.

Well, he is.

Nope, bank robber.

Peeping Tom.

I say he's a mime.

He's not miming anything.

Well, maybe he's just starting
out.

BECKER:
You guys are insane.

Hey, old man,
get in here, will ya?

( all protesting )

Don't call him in here.

Want me?

Yeah, yeah.
These guys wanna know

what you're doing
out there all day long.

Why?

Because they're
pathetic losers.

Come here.

This one here
thinks you're a bank robber.

This one, a pervert.

And she's got you pegged

for some kind
of star-crossed lover.

Do me a favor.

Just-- Just tell 'em,
will ya?

Well, it-it's nothing
that exciting.

I mean, I'm just walking around
out there 'cause, frankly, I--

I didn't know
where else to go.

Don't you have a job?

Well, you see,
that's just it.

I worked for this place
for 37 years.

Tuesday I got fired.

And you're afraid to go home
and tell your family, huh?

Frankly, I don't have a family.

My wife, Emma, she passed on
several years ago.

Oh, you must
really miss her.

Of course I do.

You're gonna think
I'm silly,

but I met Emma right outside
at that bus stop.

And you still come here
to talk to her?

That's it, yeah.

Well, there you go.

Okay, thanks very much,
thanks.

Becker, what the hell's
the matter with you?

What?
Sir, come back.

Let me buy you
a cup of coffee.

Oh, thank you.

I told you he was waiting
for a lost love.

Yeah, it'll be a long
frigging wait.

So how'd you lose your job?

Oh, I made a stupid mistake.

But they wouldn't give me
a second chance.

That's all I needed
was a second chance.

( everyone agreeing )

Hey, you guys, uh,

I'm gonna go
run an errand,

I'll, uh, see you in a while.

Hey, mister,
good luck to you.

You know, I-- I think
I should be on my way too.

Oh, you know,
we really didn't mean to pry.

Oh, don't be silly.

It makes an old man
feel good

to know that somebody
cared enough to ask.

( giggles )

Ah, come here,
you sorry bastard.

( laughs )

( chuckling )

Oh, there you are.

Hey.

Thank you.

Take care, pal.
Anytime.

Oh, we ought
to do something for him.

Maybe we should give him
a couple of bucks.

Yeah, I'm in.

Hey, where's my wallet?

Yeah, mine's gone too.

Oh, so is my watch.

Yeah, mine, too.

Boy!

That old man can run.

( upbeat blues theme swells )

( upbeat blues theme playing )

( knock on door )

Dr. Becker,
what a total surprise.

I mean,
not a total surprise

'cause the doorman
buzzed you up,

but it was a total surprise
when the doorman buzzed

and said Dr. Becker was here.

Come in.

Uh, I-- I thought
that you and I ought to--

Boy, this is a really nice
place.

Thanks.

So what did you want to talk to
me about?

No, no, see, I--
I mean incredibly nice.

Well, after I lost my lease
in the Village,

my parents insisted
on buying it for me.

Can't have "flaky" Linda
living in some dive,

what with her being hard core
unemployable and all.

Yeah, uh, well, that--

That's what I wanted
to talk to you about.

I-- I know there were
a lot of foul-ups there,

but I-I don't think quitting's
the right solution.

I mean, I--

Oh, my God, Linda,
that's the park.

Whoa, you can see
the whole thing.

I really appreciate
you coming here,

but the fact
is my parents are right.

I get fired all the time.

I even got fired
from volunteer work...

during a telethon...

on the air.

On the air?

I knocked a kid unconscious

with one of those
giant checks.

I don't know, maybe I'm just
terminally incompetent.

Well, now, don't--
Don't say that.

See, We-- We all--
We all have our "off" weeks.

The--

Oh, my God, Linda,
that's a Monet.

What is it, a copy?

Oh, my God.

Oh, y--

You're, like, loaded.

Well, my folks are.

But just like
everything else in here,

that painting has an invisible
tag hanging from it that says,

"Dear Linda,
you can't do anything right.

"You can't even
take care of yourself.

"Love, Mom and Dad."

Tea?

Well, if you hate it so much,

why don't you
just say no, you know?

Move--
Move someplace else.

Well, I would,
but I'm stuck here.

With the salary you pay me,

I can't afford
to move anywhere else.

But I have thought about saving
up to move someplace worse.

Linda, I live someplace worse.

It's not all
it's cracked up to be.

I would trade your apartment
for my self-esteem in a minute.

You-- I bet you don't have, uh,

some foreign guy
blasting his music

through your walls
at all hours of the night.

We have the Danish ambassador,
but he's very quiet.

Wh-- Why do you even
want the job?

Doctor Becker,
if you won the lottery,

would you quit being a doctor?

In the middle of an operation.

I don't believe you.

You care about what you do,

and that's why it meant
so much for me to work for you.

And that's why I had to quit
before I made any more mistakes.

Oh, come on, Linda,
we all make mistakes.

Hell, when I was an intern,

I once mistakenly
declared a guy dead.

Really?
What was wrong with him?

He appeared to be dead.

The-- The point is,
I-- I learned.

And-- And so will you.

I mean, what do you
want me to do?

Treat you like your parents
and give up on you?

Or do you want me to say,

"Come on, Linda,
get your ass in gear?"

Is there a third choice?

Do you want
your job back?

Yes, I do.

A lot.

All right.
You know,

my job with you
is the best thing in my life.

You mean,
besides this place.

Well, sure.

Huh.

You know, Dr. Becker,

I have a real urge
to hug you.

Yeah, I--
I have a real urge

to kill you and live here.

See you in the morning.

Where the hell's
my watch?

( upbeat blues theme swells )

( upbeat blues theme playing )