Becker (1998–2004): Season 2, Episode 17 - The Roast That Ruined Them - full transcript
Becker and Liz throw a dinner party attended only by Reggie, her date, and an ex-con who's suing Becker.
( upbeat blues theme playing )
Do you sell
all these dirty magazines?
Boy, I tell you,
the world's gone to hell, Jake.
Ten years ago, the big seller
was Guns N' Ammo.
If you ask me,
the world's getting better.
Oh,
that was a great run.
I'll see you later?
Yeah, I'll meet you at
the student union before class.
We can get a soda.
Oh, come on, Reg.
You're dating that kid
from your Psych class?
Yeah, what's wrong with that?
Come on, he's three.
What's his name again?
Skippy?
Brad.
And I'm not
that much older than him.
Yeah, in dog years.
Besides, I thought you told me
you didn't like him.
Changed my mind.
Brad's everything I like
in a man.
He's smart, handsome, funny.
Breathing.
( chuckles )
Shut up.
You know what?
You know, I think it's great.
You couldn't find a boyfriend,
so you grew one.
( laughing )
You know, older men
date younger women all the time.
It is such a double standard.
Damn right it is.
An older guy dates
a younger woman, he's a pig.
An older woman
dates a younger man,
she's "getting her groove back."
I can't believe
you're so old-fashioned.
I can't believe
you saw that movie.
( blues theme playing )
( blues theme playing )
Gil, you can call
whenever you want.
I just stand around
most of the time anyway.
Oh, I gotta go.
( whispers )
Yeah, it's her.
And her is not happy.
"Big nose and greasy hair"
should not be written
on a patient's charts.
Well, then, why is there a space
for a second opinion?
You know, if you took the time
to understand
why we do what we do around
here, instead of making calls,
maybe you wouldn't
make these mistakes.
First of all, Gil called me.
And, second--
Go on.
If you should find yourself
with nothing to do,
why don't you observe
what I do?
Maybe you will
learn something.
Okay.
But we can skip
talking on the phone,
'cause I think
I got that down.
Hi, Linda, Margaret. Is he in?
Hi, Liz.
Yeah, he's in his office.
Go on back.
John, we have to talk.
What? I didn't do anything.
No, no. No, no, relax.
It's just that I don't
have to work Saturday night.
Oh, great, great.
There's a championship fight on.
We can order food from Ming's.
No.
That's what
we have to talk about.
I can't stay home, watch TV,
and order Chinese
one more night.
Well, you're in luck.
They have Thai dishes at Ming's.
No, no, no.
I wanna go out.
I wanna socialize.
I wanna see people.
John, you and I are like
two gophers who go underground
on Friday night and don't
come up until Monday morning.
Now, this has gotta change.
So I've decided
we're gonna have a dinner party.
I don't even know you anymore.
Come on, it's gonna be fun.
We'll have some people
to my place.
No, I don't--
I don't wanna go to your place.
Your place is too far.
Fine. We'll have it at
your place with your friends.
No, Liz, don't--
John, this means a lot to me.
Couldn't we please do it?
Even though that was phrased
as a question,
it really wasn't, was it?
Not really, no.
All right, all right.
We'll have a dinner party.
And you'll smile and mingle
and be a gracious host.
Oh, man, I thought it was just
a dinner party.
( blues theme playing )
Jake, do you really think
it's weird
I'm dating someone
so much younger?
No, not at all.
Good.
I can see how you'd wanna
hold on to your youth
as long as possible.
I mean, most women your age are
getting face-lifts or boob jobs.
( chuckles )
I wanted to get a boob job,
but newsstand operator
was taken.
Okay, let's not do this anymore.
Cradle-robber.
Oh, good,
you're both here.
Uh, Saturday night,
my place.
You're both invited
to a dinner party.
( both laugh )
No, no, I'm serious.
I'm serious.
For some insane reason, Liz
wants us to see other people,
so I couldn't think of anyone
I liked,
I'm inviting the two of you.
But, John, the fight's
on Saturday night.
So watch it at my place.
During a dinner party?
Without sound.
A big help. Thanks.
Well, great, great.
You'll be there.
And you can bring Kira.
And you can bring,
uh, Skippy.
All right, I'll come.
But you have to promise
not to make fun of Brad.
N-not make fun of Brad?
Come on, Reg,
it's supposed to be a party.
( laughing )
( blues theme playing )
Margaret, why do you
type the forms?
'Cause they're easier to read.
Why do you use
those stamps?
'Cause those are the ones we
have.
Why not use pretty stamps,
like Christmas stamps?
Christmas is over.
Well, so is James Cagney,
but you use those.
Margaret, have you got any more
responses for my dinner party?
Oh, I'm only up to "G"
in your address book,
and so far it's ten "No's,"
six "No ways," four hang-ups,
and a word so filthy I had
to ask Linda what it meant.
It was a good one.
Oh. Oh, what the hell?
You know. What're you two
doing Saturday night?
Despite that gracious
invitation, have you forgotten
the last time you, me, and Louis
had dinner together?
And he's still upset?
That was six years ago.
Okay, I'll talk to him.
Thank you.
And what about you
and, uh, whoever you'll be
seeing by Saturday?
That would be Gil, but the court
says he can't go north
of 125th Street
or his electric boot'll go off.
( blues theme playing )
( crowd cheering on television )
John,
I shopped for the food,
I made the dinner,
I set the table.
Would it be too much trouble
to ask you to turn off
the damn fight
and put on your pants?
There.
Thank you.
Now, I think Kira can sit over
there between Louis and Brad.
Boy, I hope
I didn't make too much salad.
Oh, hey, look at that.
Jake's on TV.
I thought he was
coming to dinner.
That reminds me.
Uh, no,
he called earlier.
Uh, he and Kira
got tickets to the fight.
John...
Lucky I didn't turn the TV off.
I would-- I would have
forgotten to tell you.
( knocking on door )
Oh, hey, I-I'll get it.
See, I'm being helpful.
Well,
now we're just eight.
( mumbling indistinctly )
Either I'm early, or this is
a different kind of party
than I thought.
Hi. Where's Louis?
Downstairs.
He won't get out of the car.
I just came up to tell you
we can't come.
Why?
Louis only left the house
because I told him
we were going to the fight.
I thought I could
change his mind,
but he really
hates you.
I'm sorry, Liz.
What in the world happened
between you and Louis?
Well, there was trouble.
What kind of trouble?
Bad trouble.
Great. No Jake, no Margaret.
Well, I guess
that just leaves six of us.
Uh, actually, sweetheart,
it only leaves four of us.
Uh, Linda couldn't come.
Why didn't you tell me?
And don't say you forgot.
Well, you're kind of
tying my hands here, aren't you?
( knocking on door )
Ah, here we go, here we go.
Hi. Come on in.
Hi.
Liz, this is Brad.
Brad, Liz.
Hi.
Becker, you remember Brad.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Boy, he's getting bigger
every time I see him.
Come on in.
Come on in.
So we must be
the first to arrive.
LIZ:
And the last.
Linda was never coming,
Jake is at the fight,
and Margaret's husband
hates John so much
he wouldn't
get out of the car.
May I take your coats?
( knocking on door )
Oh, thank God.
Maybe Louis changed his mind.
Who are you?
Wayne.
I'm here
for the dinner party.
Do I know you?
I don't know.
But some woman named Margaret
called and invited me.
I hope you like flan.
( blues theme playing )
( blues theme playing )
So, Reggie,
how did you and Brad meet?
Oh, we're in
psychology class together.
I saw a psychologist once.
And?
She said I was competent
to stand trial.
Well, let's not
fill up on salad.
There's pot roast
coming.
Oh, uh, gee.
Actually, I'm a vegetarian.
Oh. Gee,
I wish you had
told John about that.
I did.
Well, now, see, you were worried
about having too much salad.
Now he can eat it all.
He could, if there weren't
bacon bits in it.
So, Wayne, what do you do
for a living?
I work
at the Cayuga Beef Company.
Oh, God, do you know how
they kill those poor animals?
Sure. We take a sledgehammer
and bash their heads in.
And sometimes you gotta do it
a few times,
especially if you get one of 'em
that just doesn't wanna die.
Well,
I hope everyone's hungry.
It's time for the roast.
Mm.
Okay, I'll get it.
Say, isn't there a fight
on the TV tonight?
As a matter of fact, there is.
Don't even think about it.
He's our guest, sweetheart.
You don't even know him!
Boxing is the one sport
I just don't get.
You know.
I mean, what is it?
It's two guys in a ring
hitting each other.
Yeah, it's-- It's primitive.
It's barbaric.
I hate to disagree, ladies...
but you two wouldn't survive
an hour in the joint.
WAYNE:
This is no Cayuga roast.
Ours have more fat on 'em.
Could you pass me the salt,
please?
You brought
your own knife?
Why? You wanna borrow it
to cut up his food?
( laughs )
( laughing )
Becker.
I didn't say it.
He did.
John.
Well, he did.
I'm talking about the salt.
I have been slaving away
all day to make a nice meal,
and you're-- You're--
You're dumping salt on it.
It brings out
the natural flavor.
Yeah,
of salt.
All I wanted was to have
one nice night,
and you've done everything
possible to sabotage it!
So why don't you just strip
back down to your underwear
and invite a few convicts over
so you can talk about meat!
It's a poor hostess that makes
her guests feel uncomfortable.
Uh, Liz?
( screams )
Shut up!
Now I know
where I know you from.
You drive a beat-up
green Oldsmobile, don't you?
You rear-ended me last summer,
and we exchanged numbers
at the scene.
I'm suing you.
( blues theme playing )
That party was horrible.
I've never felt so out of place
in my entire life.
I know what you mean.
Hey, you want a beer?
I got my own fridge.
Can you believe
someone threw this away?
Uh, no thanks. I'm good.
Look, Brad,
I-I'm really sorry about
all the cracks Becker was
making about your age.
You don't have
a problem with it, do you?
No, I'm fine.
( screams )
Sorry, dude.
I didn't know that you--
Dude.
Get out of here.
Dude.
( door closes )
Uh, sorry about that.
I just really wanted
everything to be just right.
You know,
since it's the first time.
You mean, our first time.
No, my first time.
Oh, now I get it.
For a second there,
I thought you were serious,
And I was like, "ugh."
Oh, you are serious.
That's cool.
Does it bother you
that I'm a virgin?
No.
I wanted to wait until
I met someone I really liked.
And then I met you.
I'll remember this night
for the rest of my life.
Um, Brad, uh,
I can't do this.
Reggie, what's wrong?
Oh, Brad,
you're a terrific guy,
and you're right,
the first time
should be perfect.
And this won't be.
I should go.
Sure there's nothing I can do
to change your mind?
Positive.
( blues theme playing )
Why are you
stapling those forms?
I don't know.
Well, why don't you use
paper clips instead?
I don't know.
Why not staple 'em
on the other side?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I just don't know.
And I don't know why
I don't file the patients
by their first names,
or why the walls are not
a more cheerful color,
or why I use blue ink
instead of black,
or why you are still alive!
I just do it how I do it
'cause that's how I do it.
Gosh, Margaret, I'm just trying
to learn, like you told me.
Well,
now I'm telling you to stop!
Just go back to doing
exactly what you used to do.
Read a magazine, talk
on the phone, screw stuff up.
Just don't bother me!
Damn, I'm good.
( blues theme playing )
( blues theme playing )
Oh, well,
if it isn't Mr. Salty.
Shut up, will you?
I heard the fight
at your house
lasted longer
than the one at the Garden.
Yeah,
thanks for running out.
What? Did you have to get Junior
home so you could tuck him in?
As a matter of fact,
we did go back to Brad's place.
And, uh, I'll tell you
something, I think it's a night
that neither one of us
will ever forget.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
So how's Liz?
Still locked
in the bathroom?
She left shortly after you did.
Did she say anything?
Uh, just two words, loudly.
Uh, did it ever occur to you
to apologize?
Yeah, I'm not very good
at apologizing.
How would you know?
It was her idea
to have the dinner party.
You know. It wasn't my fault
it didn't work.
What am I supposed to do,
crawl back to her place
on my hands and knees?
I'll tell you something,
if I had to choose
between salt and her,
I know which way I'm going.
Well, I'm with you, buddy.
I mean, show Liz who's boss.
Don't let her
walk all over you.
I mean, if a man
can't salt his own steak--
Hey, uh,
just shut up.
Hello, John.
Oh, damn.
The flowers and the phone calls
got me over here.
Did you wanna say something?
What kind of flowers,
badass?
Shut up, will you?
Can we just talk about this
in private, please?
Well?
What?
You sent me flowers.
I assume you wanted
to say something to me.
Well, isn't that the point
of sending flowers?
You don't have to say anything.
All right, I'll talk.
I knew who you were
when we started dating,
but I thought that occasionally
you might meet me halfway.
Well-- But what about
the flowers?
Forget about the flowers.
Look,
let's cut to the chase.
I want to hear you say
"I'm sorry."
You do that, we move on.
The flowers were
supposed to come in a mug
with a little heart on it.
Did you get the mug?
Oh, all right, all right.
I'm sorry.
( both gasp )
Hey, shut up,
will you?
That's all I wanted.
You wanna go get
some Chinese food?
Well, if that's what
you really want.
No, no, no. Public.
We're in public.
You know, it wasn't
the flowers that got me.
I thought it was pretty cute
you sending me those steaks.
I-I didn't send you steaks.
Oh, my God.
( blues theme playing )
( upbeat blues theme playing )
Do you sell
all these dirty magazines?
Boy, I tell you,
the world's gone to hell, Jake.
Ten years ago, the big seller
was Guns N' Ammo.
If you ask me,
the world's getting better.
Oh,
that was a great run.
I'll see you later?
Yeah, I'll meet you at
the student union before class.
We can get a soda.
Oh, come on, Reg.
You're dating that kid
from your Psych class?
Yeah, what's wrong with that?
Come on, he's three.
What's his name again?
Skippy?
Brad.
And I'm not
that much older than him.
Yeah, in dog years.
Besides, I thought you told me
you didn't like him.
Changed my mind.
Brad's everything I like
in a man.
He's smart, handsome, funny.
Breathing.
( chuckles )
Shut up.
You know what?
You know, I think it's great.
You couldn't find a boyfriend,
so you grew one.
( laughing )
You know, older men
date younger women all the time.
It is such a double standard.
Damn right it is.
An older guy dates
a younger woman, he's a pig.
An older woman
dates a younger man,
she's "getting her groove back."
I can't believe
you're so old-fashioned.
I can't believe
you saw that movie.
( blues theme playing )
( blues theme playing )
Gil, you can call
whenever you want.
I just stand around
most of the time anyway.
Oh, I gotta go.
( whispers )
Yeah, it's her.
And her is not happy.
"Big nose and greasy hair"
should not be written
on a patient's charts.
Well, then, why is there a space
for a second opinion?
You know, if you took the time
to understand
why we do what we do around
here, instead of making calls,
maybe you wouldn't
make these mistakes.
First of all, Gil called me.
And, second--
Go on.
If you should find yourself
with nothing to do,
why don't you observe
what I do?
Maybe you will
learn something.
Okay.
But we can skip
talking on the phone,
'cause I think
I got that down.
Hi, Linda, Margaret. Is he in?
Hi, Liz.
Yeah, he's in his office.
Go on back.
John, we have to talk.
What? I didn't do anything.
No, no. No, no, relax.
It's just that I don't
have to work Saturday night.
Oh, great, great.
There's a championship fight on.
We can order food from Ming's.
No.
That's what
we have to talk about.
I can't stay home, watch TV,
and order Chinese
one more night.
Well, you're in luck.
They have Thai dishes at Ming's.
No, no, no.
I wanna go out.
I wanna socialize.
I wanna see people.
John, you and I are like
two gophers who go underground
on Friday night and don't
come up until Monday morning.
Now, this has gotta change.
So I've decided
we're gonna have a dinner party.
I don't even know you anymore.
Come on, it's gonna be fun.
We'll have some people
to my place.
No, I don't--
I don't wanna go to your place.
Your place is too far.
Fine. We'll have it at
your place with your friends.
No, Liz, don't--
John, this means a lot to me.
Couldn't we please do it?
Even though that was phrased
as a question,
it really wasn't, was it?
Not really, no.
All right, all right.
We'll have a dinner party.
And you'll smile and mingle
and be a gracious host.
Oh, man, I thought it was just
a dinner party.
( blues theme playing )
Jake, do you really think
it's weird
I'm dating someone
so much younger?
No, not at all.
Good.
I can see how you'd wanna
hold on to your youth
as long as possible.
I mean, most women your age are
getting face-lifts or boob jobs.
( chuckles )
I wanted to get a boob job,
but newsstand operator
was taken.
Okay, let's not do this anymore.
Cradle-robber.
Oh, good,
you're both here.
Uh, Saturday night,
my place.
You're both invited
to a dinner party.
( both laugh )
No, no, I'm serious.
I'm serious.
For some insane reason, Liz
wants us to see other people,
so I couldn't think of anyone
I liked,
I'm inviting the two of you.
But, John, the fight's
on Saturday night.
So watch it at my place.
During a dinner party?
Without sound.
A big help. Thanks.
Well, great, great.
You'll be there.
And you can bring Kira.
And you can bring,
uh, Skippy.
All right, I'll come.
But you have to promise
not to make fun of Brad.
N-not make fun of Brad?
Come on, Reg,
it's supposed to be a party.
( laughing )
( blues theme playing )
Margaret, why do you
type the forms?
'Cause they're easier to read.
Why do you use
those stamps?
'Cause those are the ones we
have.
Why not use pretty stamps,
like Christmas stamps?
Christmas is over.
Well, so is James Cagney,
but you use those.
Margaret, have you got any more
responses for my dinner party?
Oh, I'm only up to "G"
in your address book,
and so far it's ten "No's,"
six "No ways," four hang-ups,
and a word so filthy I had
to ask Linda what it meant.
It was a good one.
Oh. Oh, what the hell?
You know. What're you two
doing Saturday night?
Despite that gracious
invitation, have you forgotten
the last time you, me, and Louis
had dinner together?
And he's still upset?
That was six years ago.
Okay, I'll talk to him.
Thank you.
And what about you
and, uh, whoever you'll be
seeing by Saturday?
That would be Gil, but the court
says he can't go north
of 125th Street
or his electric boot'll go off.
( blues theme playing )
( crowd cheering on television )
John,
I shopped for the food,
I made the dinner,
I set the table.
Would it be too much trouble
to ask you to turn off
the damn fight
and put on your pants?
There.
Thank you.
Now, I think Kira can sit over
there between Louis and Brad.
Boy, I hope
I didn't make too much salad.
Oh, hey, look at that.
Jake's on TV.
I thought he was
coming to dinner.
That reminds me.
Uh, no,
he called earlier.
Uh, he and Kira
got tickets to the fight.
John...
Lucky I didn't turn the TV off.
I would-- I would have
forgotten to tell you.
( knocking on door )
Oh, hey, I-I'll get it.
See, I'm being helpful.
Well,
now we're just eight.
( mumbling indistinctly )
Either I'm early, or this is
a different kind of party
than I thought.
Hi. Where's Louis?
Downstairs.
He won't get out of the car.
I just came up to tell you
we can't come.
Why?
Louis only left the house
because I told him
we were going to the fight.
I thought I could
change his mind,
but he really
hates you.
I'm sorry, Liz.
What in the world happened
between you and Louis?
Well, there was trouble.
What kind of trouble?
Bad trouble.
Great. No Jake, no Margaret.
Well, I guess
that just leaves six of us.
Uh, actually, sweetheart,
it only leaves four of us.
Uh, Linda couldn't come.
Why didn't you tell me?
And don't say you forgot.
Well, you're kind of
tying my hands here, aren't you?
( knocking on door )
Ah, here we go, here we go.
Hi. Come on in.
Hi.
Liz, this is Brad.
Brad, Liz.
Hi.
Becker, you remember Brad.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Boy, he's getting bigger
every time I see him.
Come on in.
Come on in.
So we must be
the first to arrive.
LIZ:
And the last.
Linda was never coming,
Jake is at the fight,
and Margaret's husband
hates John so much
he wouldn't
get out of the car.
May I take your coats?
( knocking on door )
Oh, thank God.
Maybe Louis changed his mind.
Who are you?
Wayne.
I'm here
for the dinner party.
Do I know you?
I don't know.
But some woman named Margaret
called and invited me.
I hope you like flan.
( blues theme playing )
( blues theme playing )
So, Reggie,
how did you and Brad meet?
Oh, we're in
psychology class together.
I saw a psychologist once.
And?
She said I was competent
to stand trial.
Well, let's not
fill up on salad.
There's pot roast
coming.
Oh, uh, gee.
Actually, I'm a vegetarian.
Oh. Gee,
I wish you had
told John about that.
I did.
Well, now, see, you were worried
about having too much salad.
Now he can eat it all.
He could, if there weren't
bacon bits in it.
So, Wayne, what do you do
for a living?
I work
at the Cayuga Beef Company.
Oh, God, do you know how
they kill those poor animals?
Sure. We take a sledgehammer
and bash their heads in.
And sometimes you gotta do it
a few times,
especially if you get one of 'em
that just doesn't wanna die.
Well,
I hope everyone's hungry.
It's time for the roast.
Mm.
Okay, I'll get it.
Say, isn't there a fight
on the TV tonight?
As a matter of fact, there is.
Don't even think about it.
He's our guest, sweetheart.
You don't even know him!
Boxing is the one sport
I just don't get.
You know.
I mean, what is it?
It's two guys in a ring
hitting each other.
Yeah, it's-- It's primitive.
It's barbaric.
I hate to disagree, ladies...
but you two wouldn't survive
an hour in the joint.
WAYNE:
This is no Cayuga roast.
Ours have more fat on 'em.
Could you pass me the salt,
please?
You brought
your own knife?
Why? You wanna borrow it
to cut up his food?
( laughs )
( laughing )
Becker.
I didn't say it.
He did.
John.
Well, he did.
I'm talking about the salt.
I have been slaving away
all day to make a nice meal,
and you're-- You're--
You're dumping salt on it.
It brings out
the natural flavor.
Yeah,
of salt.
All I wanted was to have
one nice night,
and you've done everything
possible to sabotage it!
So why don't you just strip
back down to your underwear
and invite a few convicts over
so you can talk about meat!
It's a poor hostess that makes
her guests feel uncomfortable.
Uh, Liz?
( screams )
Shut up!
Now I know
where I know you from.
You drive a beat-up
green Oldsmobile, don't you?
You rear-ended me last summer,
and we exchanged numbers
at the scene.
I'm suing you.
( blues theme playing )
That party was horrible.
I've never felt so out of place
in my entire life.
I know what you mean.
Hey, you want a beer?
I got my own fridge.
Can you believe
someone threw this away?
Uh, no thanks. I'm good.
Look, Brad,
I-I'm really sorry about
all the cracks Becker was
making about your age.
You don't have
a problem with it, do you?
No, I'm fine.
( screams )
Sorry, dude.
I didn't know that you--
Dude.
Get out of here.
Dude.
( door closes )
Uh, sorry about that.
I just really wanted
everything to be just right.
You know,
since it's the first time.
You mean, our first time.
No, my first time.
Oh, now I get it.
For a second there,
I thought you were serious,
And I was like, "ugh."
Oh, you are serious.
That's cool.
Does it bother you
that I'm a virgin?
No.
I wanted to wait until
I met someone I really liked.
And then I met you.
I'll remember this night
for the rest of my life.
Um, Brad, uh,
I can't do this.
Reggie, what's wrong?
Oh, Brad,
you're a terrific guy,
and you're right,
the first time
should be perfect.
And this won't be.
I should go.
Sure there's nothing I can do
to change your mind?
Positive.
( blues theme playing )
Why are you
stapling those forms?
I don't know.
Well, why don't you use
paper clips instead?
I don't know.
Why not staple 'em
on the other side?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I just don't know.
And I don't know why
I don't file the patients
by their first names,
or why the walls are not
a more cheerful color,
or why I use blue ink
instead of black,
or why you are still alive!
I just do it how I do it
'cause that's how I do it.
Gosh, Margaret, I'm just trying
to learn, like you told me.
Well,
now I'm telling you to stop!
Just go back to doing
exactly what you used to do.
Read a magazine, talk
on the phone, screw stuff up.
Just don't bother me!
Damn, I'm good.
( blues theme playing )
( blues theme playing )
Oh, well,
if it isn't Mr. Salty.
Shut up, will you?
I heard the fight
at your house
lasted longer
than the one at the Garden.
Yeah,
thanks for running out.
What? Did you have to get Junior
home so you could tuck him in?
As a matter of fact,
we did go back to Brad's place.
And, uh, I'll tell you
something, I think it's a night
that neither one of us
will ever forget.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
So how's Liz?
Still locked
in the bathroom?
She left shortly after you did.
Did she say anything?
Uh, just two words, loudly.
Uh, did it ever occur to you
to apologize?
Yeah, I'm not very good
at apologizing.
How would you know?
It was her idea
to have the dinner party.
You know. It wasn't my fault
it didn't work.
What am I supposed to do,
crawl back to her place
on my hands and knees?
I'll tell you something,
if I had to choose
between salt and her,
I know which way I'm going.
Well, I'm with you, buddy.
I mean, show Liz who's boss.
Don't let her
walk all over you.
I mean, if a man
can't salt his own steak--
Hey, uh,
just shut up.
Hello, John.
Oh, damn.
The flowers and the phone calls
got me over here.
Did you wanna say something?
What kind of flowers,
badass?
Shut up, will you?
Can we just talk about this
in private, please?
Well?
What?
You sent me flowers.
I assume you wanted
to say something to me.
Well, isn't that the point
of sending flowers?
You don't have to say anything.
All right, I'll talk.
I knew who you were
when we started dating,
but I thought that occasionally
you might meet me halfway.
Well-- But what about
the flowers?
Forget about the flowers.
Look,
let's cut to the chase.
I want to hear you say
"I'm sorry."
You do that, we move on.
The flowers were
supposed to come in a mug
with a little heart on it.
Did you get the mug?
Oh, all right, all right.
I'm sorry.
( both gasp )
Hey, shut up,
will you?
That's all I wanted.
You wanna go get
some Chinese food?
Well, if that's what
you really want.
No, no, no. Public.
We're in public.
You know, it wasn't
the flowers that got me.
I thought it was pretty cute
you sending me those steaks.
I-I didn't send you steaks.
Oh, my God.
( blues theme playing )
( upbeat blues theme playing )