Becker (1998–2004): Season 2, Episode 15 - All the Rage - full transcript

( upbeat blues theme playing )

Ahoy, palloi.

I bring sad tidings
from Bob-land.

He's officially joined
the ranks

of the homeless.

As if the homeless didn't
have enough problems.

I've been kicked out.

Uh, now, I thought a man's home
was his castle.

What-- What castle? You live
in your mother's rest home.

And she threw me out.
I mean, it's so unfair.

Mom has shrunk so much,
she doesn't need the whole bed.



Here's an idea:
get an apartment.

Can't afford one,

which puts Bob in need
of a place to live.

How about it, stretch?

Fold-out couch? Body pillow?

Make it a body bag,

and you've got a deal.

How about it, Jake?
You won't even know I'm there.

Don't even think about it.

Thanks for nothing,
night-light.

Is the moron who owns

the beige Cavalier in here?

That's ours. Problem?

Yeah, problem.
You parked across two spaces.



I had to park three blocks away.

We'll move the car
when we're done eating, okay?

Oh, fine, fine.
The world's on hold

until you guys finish eating
your damn hobo omelets.

I don't think you should
talk to them like that.

Mind your own business,
will you, Reg?

Okay.

Eating kind of slow,
aren't you, fellows?

Look, we're cops. Understand?

So calm down. And we'll move
the car in a few minutes.

Oh, cops. Sorry.

Sorry.

But shouldn't the rules
apply equally to everyone?

Look, buddy,
give it a rest.

All right, all right,
you're right.

Take your time.

Just take your sweet-ass time.

One thousand one,
one thousand two--

You know, you may think
you're above the law,

but you're not.
Becker--

Reg, mind your own business,
will you?

I mean, how long you going
to sit there, huh?

Huh, fellas?

I mean, don't you have
suspects to abuse?

Drugs to plant?

Come on, how much-- How much
do I have to grease you guys

to move the damn car, huh?

Okay, now,
that was a mistake.

That's it.
You're under arrest.

Hands behind
your back.

What? What'd I do?

You have the right
to remain silent.

Cut me some slack. I'm a doctor.
Anything you say can...

Reg, say something,
will you?

None of my business,
remember?

Hey, hey, hey, guys,
just a second here.

Does this mean
he won't be sleeping

in his apartment tonight?

Oh.

( blues theme playing )

Where have you two been?

You know I should never
be left in charge.

His temper finally got him
into real trouble.

He was arrested this morning.

No.
For harassing two cops.

No.

The judge sentenced him
to anger management class.

Great.

I mean, no.

Can you believe that judge,

sentencing me
to anger management?

You know,
that's absolutely ridiculous.

I do not have a problem
with anger. I have a problem

with this stupid coat!

Your Honor, I rest my case.

Hello, ladies.
While the doc's in jail,

he wanted Bob to keep
an eye on his place.

So if you'll just give me
the keys, I'll be on my--

Oh, you're out. Thank God.

Just get away from me,
will you?

Doc, come on,
Bob's got no place to live.

BECKER:
Don't care.

You're compassionate.
Otherwise you wouldn't work

in a crap hole like
this treating vermin like them!

Hey.
Oh, calm down!

You know you're vermin!

Damn, Bob is screwed.

Hey, if you really have
no place to live,

you can stay with me.

Excuse me?

I have plenty
of room at my place.

Excuse me?

Stay as long as you like.

Wow, thanks.

Look, we'll iron out
the details later.

First, Bob's gotta go
to the can.

Uh, that's
the ladies' room.

Not for the next
20 minutes.

Linda, I know you have
a big heart,

but are you sure
this is a good idea?

You're the one
who's always telling me

to help the needy.
Yes, but--

And isn't Bob needy?
Oh, yes, but--

Isn't that
what Christianity's all about?

Christ never met Bob.

( blues theme playing )

Hello, everyone.

Welcome to Techniques

for Managing Anger.

I'm Richard Wilson,
your facilitator.

And, while I know you're all
here just to avoid jail time,

that doesn't mean we still
can't have fun, right?

Okay.

Now, let's get on track.

Do you know why I said
"get on track" that way.

Brain tumor?

No.

It's because "track"
is an acronym

for remembering the steps
to managing anger.

Take behavioral inventory.

Reduce emotional investment.

Aspirate slowly.

That means breathe.

Circumvent conflict.

K, you've beaten anger.

Any questions?

Not about the missing O
in okay.

Okay.

Now, I'd like each person
to introduce him

or herself and explain why he

or she is or are here.

Why don't you go first?

( clears throat )

I'm Lenny Sinclair.

I'm here 'cause I might have
dropped a bowling ball

out of my window
onto my landlord.

Okay.

Ma'am?

I'm Clovis Bungent.

I'm here 'cause
I kicked the ass

of someone who screwed with me.

And if any of you
screw with me,

I'll kick your ass too.

Well, you've come
to the right place.

Uh, do you want to go next?

Ned Chalmers.

C-H-A-L-M-E-R-S.

I'm here because I had trouble
at work.

What kind of trouble?

Bad trouble.

Okay.

And, uh, you, sir?

Oh. There's-- There's been
a huge misunderstanding.

You know, my story
is completely different

from these other people.

I was not the aggressor.

I was the victim.

See,
there's this diner I go to--

I walked in just
like I do every morning.

Hi, everyone.

Oh, good to see you.

Hey, looking good.

Reg, Jake,
what a morning, huh?

Oh, by the bye,
I hate to be a bother,

but it seems someone's car
is parked across two spaces,

and is in danger
of getting a citation.

Shut your hole!

Let's get him.
Oh.

( sirens blaring )

So you see, you know, I don't
have a problem with anger.

You know, I was just at the
wrong place at the wrong time.

Just like my landlord
and the bowling ball.

Shut your hole.

Okay.

( blues theme playing )

( knock on door )

Hi, Bob.

Sorry about the doorman.

It's okay. You can't be
too careful these days.

Although I thought the cavity
search was a bit much.

Mr. Nakamoto searched you?

Please tell me Mr. Nakamoto

is a large Hispanic man.

Well, let's say he is.

Come on in.

Oh, my God.

Bob's never been
in a place this good.

Bob's never even been kicked out

of a place this good.

Thanks. But it belongs
to my parents.

They just let me stay here.

Wow, my parents
sure never got me a penthouse.

No, I take that back.

My dad gave me
a Penthouse once.

But that was only
because they printed his letter.

Well, I've had kind
of a long day,

so I'm gonna turn in.

I've made up
the spare bedroom for you.

It's the second door
on the left.

The kitchen's through there
if you get hungry,

and, well, you know what,
just make yourself at home.

Glad to have you here.

Listen, uh,
I just want to say,

I really appreciate this.

The city can be a cold place.

You don't really expect anyone
to reach out and help you.

I'll never forget
what you've done for me, Lisa.

Linda.
Right, Linda.

( blues theme playing )

Well,
I had my first anger class,

and it really works.
I'm pissed as hell.

You know,
what a joke.

You know, y-you sit in a room

with a bunch of psychos,
you know.

They pass out pamphlets.

Oh, yeah, and then they give you
one of these.

This is my favorite.

They have a negative emotion
advance warning system.

It's a rubber band.

Oh, college girl.

Yeah, you're supposed to slip it
on your wrist like this.

Whenever I feel
I'm getting angry, I snap it.

Well, that sounds
like it hurts.

It does.

Won't that make you
more angry?

Shut up.

You know, we covered
this in my Psychology class.

It's totally valid.

Behavior modification is used
to break the patterns--

Hey, you know,
Doctor Mumbo von Jumbo,

a couple of classes
at the Institute of Psychology

and Air Conditioning Repair

do not qualify you
to pepper me

with dime store generalities.

You know, this crap may work
for some people,

but I don't need it.

I'm already a nice guy.

Yeah, and to prove it,

whoever's got
the minivan out front,

you're about to get a ticket.

Your meter ran out.
Thanks for the warning.

While you're up, would you mind
feeding the meter for me?

What-- Anything else
I can do for you?

You know, wash your car,
rotate your tires?

Becker,
I don't think you--

Reg, would you please mind
your own business?

Okay.

You know, it's your car.

Why don't you get off your butt

and feed
the damn meter yourself?

No problem.

Sorry to have bothered you.

( blues theme playing )

( blues theme playing )

There you are. Bob's been
looking all over for you.

He brought you a little present
to show his gratitude

for putting a roof
over his head.

Well, look, Bob, you didn't have
to buy me anything.

Nonsense.
It's the least I can do.

So, Linda, how does Thai food
sound for dinner?

Fine, I guess.

Great. Pick some up.

I'll meet you at home.

I've got a date with a Jacuzzi.

The thing's got 10 jets.

It's a miracle
I ever leave the place.

Aren't you gonna open it?

I'm afraid
to open it.

You don't have
to open it.

It's a leopard thong.

How do you know?

First gift?

Yeah.
Leopard thong.

Do you really think
he'd give me something like--

Okay, let's say he did.

Linda, I think that little man
is getting the wrong impression.

Oh, it's not that bad.

He's just like a stray dog.

He follows me around,
scratches himself,

and he keeps leaving nose prints
on my windows.

Well, maybe it's time
you took him

to the woods and let him go.

But you really should
do the responsible thing first

and have him neutered.

I can't just kick him out.

He's got no place else to go.

I should just
let him stay there.

Can I move in
with one of you guys?

Oh, yeah,
I'm glad you're here.

Uh, look, uh--

I was in here
last night,

and I had an experience
that really, well, it--

It made me realize
that I--

I may have a small problem
with anger.

( laughs )

Well, I-I thought
about it a lot, and I--

And I realized that the, uh,
anger class, uh, may--

May have some merit.

So I-I'm gonna use
its techniques to try to, uh,

change my life completely.

( laughs )

Are-- Are you gonna
keep doing that?

I don't know yet.

All right, see,
the, uh, fir--

The first step is to--
To call, uh--

To call upon
my support network.

That's--
Well, that's, uh--

That's all of you, uh,
for your--

For your assistance in--

Jeez, you know something,
this is-- The hell with it.

You know, just-- I'll--
I'll try to control myself.

And you just try not
to piss me off.

( laughs )

Well put.

( laughs )

Wow, John.

I'm impressed.

Yeah?

Oh, well, yeah, thank you.

I, uh-- You know, I-- I realized
that if try to listen--

I'm really glad this is--
Would you let me finish?

( toy siren blaring )
Vroom, vroom.

Hey,
do that someplace else.

Please.

Vroom, vroom, vroom.

( siren continues )

Whoa.

Hey.

Jake.

Hell, I'm not in the class.

( blues theme playing )

That's right
I'm living on Fifth Avenue,

so drop dead.

Okay, Ma, talk to you later.

Hey, roomie.
Where you been?

I've been walking
around outside for hours

because I didn't
wanna come in.

Which is a problem
because I live here.

We have to talk.

Oh, no.

You're gonna kick Bob out.

You've got that same look
my mother had,

only there's nothing coming out
of your eye.

Is this about me staring at you
in the middle of the night?

Because in all fairness,
I thought you were asleep.

Yes. That's exactly
what this is about.

And a lot
of other stuff too.

Like what?

Well,
like using the forks

to scratch your back.

The noises
when you shower.

And the fact
that you keep doing my laundry.

Bob's just trying to help.

Yeah, but I never
get anything back.

Look, Bob,
I'm really sorry,

but I think you're gonna
have to leave.

Well, I can't say
this is a big surprise.

My psychic told me
this would happen.

By the way,
I used the phone.

I'm really sorry.

That's okay.

Bob knows he doesn't belong
in a place like this.

You know, it's funny,

when I was a kid,

there was this apartment
building off the expressway.

It was grungy, disgusting,

had this big sign
on it that said,

"If you live here,
you'd be home by now."

And you were afraid
you'd end up there?

No, that's where I lived.

But when I came
to the city,

I'd look up at these buildings,

and I'd wonder what type
of people lived in them.

Well, for a few days, I--

I actually got
to be one of those people.

And that's thanks to you,
Linda.

I won't forget it.

I'll get my stuff.

Bob, wait a minute.

Yeah?

Maybe we could work this out.

Really? Because Bob will
do anything. You just name it.

For starters, we're gonna have
to establish some boundaries.

Okay? You need
to respect my privacy,

respect my things,
and above all, respect me.

It's kind of new territory for
me, but I'll give it a shot.

Bob.
I'll do it.

So

roomies?

Roomies.

( laughs )

Oh.

This is nice.

Two friends,
sitting, relating.

This is really nice.

Yes, it is.

Bob?

Yeah?

Could you please
close your robe?

( blues theme playing )

( blues theme playing )

Deep breaths,
everyone.

In.

Out.

Sorry I'm late,

but I couldn't find
a damn parking spot.

But I did not get upset.

I got on a track.

Dr. Becker,
we're right in the middle

of our centering exercise.

I'm sorry. Go ahead.

In.

Out.

In.

Excuse me. Sorry.

But there doesn't seem to be a--
A chair for me.

I guess we're one short.
Just try

to make yourself comfortable.

In. Out.

And

okay.

WILSON:
Very good.

Well, since this is
our last class,

time for growth reports.

Lenny?

Well, I went to visit
my landlord in the hospital.

You know, to apologize
for putting him there.

I felt like taking a pillow

and smothering him to death.

But I didn't.

I think that's a positive step.

Oh, so do I.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me.
Why aren't there enough chairs?

You knew how many people
were coming.

Well, each class gets only
so many chairs,

and anger management tends
to break more chairs

than the other groups.

Remember last week, Lenny?

Yeah, I'm sorry.

All right, fine.

Clovis?
Since I started coming here,

I haven't kicked one ass.

Excuse me.
Why do I have to stand

when everyone else gets
to sit down?

I mean, that's not fair.

Dr. Becker,
remember what we say.

Fair is a place

where hogs compete for ribbons.

WILSON:
Clovis?

Now I lost my train of thought.

I like trains.

That's good, Ned. Go with that.

I tried to push my boss in front
of a train once.

But, now I know that's bad.

Okay.

Look, you know, I'm trying
to be reasonable here,

but you know, this-- This--
This is crap.

See, I understand why you let

the old lady
and the wacko here sit down,

but I mean, what about--

What about the rest
of these losers?

Uh-uh.
BECKER: Oh, calm down.

You know you're losers.

Dr. Becker.
Well, how come I have

to manage my anger standing up

when everybody else gets
to do it sitting down?

I'll be damned if I'm gonna
stand the whole time.

Screw it!

EVERYONE:
Oh.

What? What, "Oh"?

What-- Why is everybody
looking at me?

Dr. Becker,
I'm afraid you've just failed

your final exam.

What are you talking about?

The missing chair,

I did that on purpose.

I created a situation
that would ordinarily give rise

to anger to see if you
could cope. And you couldn't.

Now you'll have
to take the class again.

What the hell
was I supposed to do?

You could have been patient.

You could've sat on the floor,

borrowed a chair
from another room,

asked one of your classmates
to share with you.

I would've shared with you.

Not an option.

And neither is taking
this class again. You know--

No, I'm sorry. Forget it.
You know, I'm out of here.

If you walk out of here,
I'm gonna have to report

your failure to the judge.

Oh, please. What is the judge
gonna do to me, huh?

What the hell is he gonna do?

( siren wailing )

Hey, Becker,
you missed a spot.

Just keep walking.

There's nothing to see here.

Oh, Becker,
you might want--

Hey, Reggie,
for once in your life,

will you mind
your own busi--?

Okay.

( blues theme playing )

( upbeat blues theme playing )