Becker (1998–2004): Season 2, Episode 14 - The Rumor - full transcript

( upbeat blues theme playing )

Oh, yeah,
I can do this.

I'd tell you,
I'm feeling it,

but, hell,
I'm not even sweating.

I have it set on
"Geriatric Downhill."

Fine, smart ass,
bring it on.

( machine beeping )

Oh, God, I'm gonna heave.

( panting )

Oh, jeez.

Oh, boy,



I need a cigarette.

What kind of a moron are you?

Oh, jeez.

John, if you don't make
some lifestyle changes,

you're gonna die.
Oh, cut the crap, Roger.

I'm not dying.

My tests showed
slightly elevated cholesterol.

Yeah, and you know
what that means.

Yeah, I'm filled
with buttery goodness.

You know the drill:

Reduce fat,
cut out the cigarettes.

Those are my two favorite
food groups.

And, above all,
stress management.

When you feel yourself
about to lose your temper,



just take a deep breath
and relax.

Oh, come on.
How am I supposed to relax?

Margaret's nagging at me,

my lawyer's bitching at me
to change my will.

I got patients in my office,

patients at the hospital,

and now you're on my ass.

Deep breath, John.

We all have pressures.

If you do
what I tell you,

you'll probably live longer
than anybody wants you to.

And you're gonna
get some exercise.

What?
Exercise too?

Mondays, Wednesdays,
and Fridays

at 1:00, I go jogging.

No--
You're gonna come down here,

you're gonna
go with me.

Or I tell Margaret
about your cholesterol.

No, don't-- Don't do that.
No, come on,

she'd just "Mother Hen"
me to death.

I know.

You know,
how do you expect me

to turn
my entire life--

( wheezing )

( coughing )

Excuse me.

( hacking )

One o'clock?

( blues theme playing )

( blues theme playing )

Good morning.

If you insist.

You okay?
You look a little flushed.

I'm fine.

It's just warm outside,
that's all.

( wind howling )

Weather must have
taken a turn.

It's the ozone layer.

It's screwing up
everything.

Oh, Margaret, uh,
mark down on my calendar,

will you,
Monday, Wednesday, Friday,

keep 1:00 open.

Why?

Margaret,
how's your sex life?

That's none of your business.

Exactly.

Dr. Becker, would you hold
your finger here for a second?

I'm making a bow.

Oh, for God's sake,
Linda, I don't have--

( sighs )

Deep breath.

All right.

Thanks.

It's a sweater
for my friend, Gil.

He gets out of jail
on Thursday,

I wanted to get him
something really nice.

But I didn't know
whether to get him

the red sweater
or the blue sweater, so--

Could-- Could you
hurry this up?

Oh, okay.

( speaking quickly ):
So I got the blue one

because his eyes are blue--
No, no, no. Just finish.

Then I returned the blue one
for the red one--

Not--
Not the story.

The R--
Finish the ribbon!

Oh, right. Okay.

But don't move,

I just gotta go
get the scissors.

What?

You're gonna
be there for a while.

I hid the scissors
yesterday

when I caught her
running with them.

What am I, an idiot?

( blues theme playing )

Hey, Reg, can I have
a quick cup of coffee?

Oh, yeah, in a sec.

Oh, I've been on hold
with this shoe company

for over an hour.
It's so frustrating.

I ordered a pair of shoes
from their stupid catalogue,

and when the package
gets here,

there's only
one shoe inside.

I bet you're, uh,
hopping mad.

( laughs )

Oh, that's great.
Everybody's funny.

( chuckling )

Hey, Reg.

Boy, am I starving.

Let me have a hamburger,
some French fries, a--

Oh, wait, no,

make that
a fruit plate.

No, no, you know--

Yeah, fruit.

REGGIE:
Damn it!

How many times do I
have to hear this recording?

Uh, watch it.
She's hopping mad.

( laughs )

You get it?

"Hopping mad."

Oh, damn, I-- I left out
the part about the shoes.

They want you to hang up
'cause then they win.

But I don't care if I stay
on hold the rest of my--

Fruit?
You don't eat fruit.

You hate fruit.

Look,
you don't want my business,

there are plenty of places

who'll give me fruit
without an argument.

Sorry. I'm just so used to you
eating wrong.

Of course I eat wrong.
I eat here.

Greetings,
bottom feeders.

Bob came for lunch
and to drive the fry cook crazy

with his musk.

I can smell your musk
from over here.

Don't you ever bathe?

Yes, I bathe.

It's the laundry
that's a little tricky.

I may not
be able to eat.

Bob knows
what you're trying to do.

You're trying to make him
look bad in front of Reggie.

It won't work.
She aches for me.

You turn my stomach.

That's an ache.

Go away.

Oh,
not the recording again.

Dr. Becker,

Margaret sent me over
to get you.

We need you back
at the office right away.

We've been trying
to call you, but--

Well,
there's the problem.

( shouts )

Well, thanks a lot,
Linda.

My pleasure.

What-- What's wrong?
What happened?

Well,
Mr. Bloom cut his finger.

Well, actually,
he didn't cut his finger. I did.

See, I asked him
to hold his finger

on my present
while I re-wrapped it,

and I cut--
Is-- Is it bad?

Well, yeah,
he bled all over it.

Now I have
to re-re-wrap it,

and I still can't--
No, no.

Reg, uh, wrap up
my lunch, will you?

Linda, bring it--
Bring it with you.

You know,

I think we have
a lot in common.

I'm not wearing
a bra either.

Oh, please tell me
he's talking to you.

You know, I don't like
that kind of talk.

Well, I do,
but not from you.

Well,
here's Becker's lunch.

Oh, no, that can't be it.
It's fruit.

Well,
that's what he ordered.

That's strange.

Hm.

( mellow blues theme playing )

( sneezes loudly )

Ew, cover up.

Sorry, I must be coming down
with something.

Hey, you're that girl
from Dr. Becker's office.

You lost my urine sample.

It was a mistake.

It's not like I stole it
for my collection.

( sneezes loudly )

Sorry.

You know, I'm feeling
kind of feverish.

Do you think the doctor
has any appointments open?

I don't know.

You have to call.
There's a book.

It's a whole procedure.

But, you know,

I don't know when
he'll be able to see you,

because Dr. Becker
might be coming down

with something himself.

He's eating fruit,
and he never does that.

Did she say Dr. Becker's sick?

Yeah, apparently he's
cutting back on his workload,

and he's on
some sort of special diet.

Gee, Dr. Becker
takes care of my mother.

I hope he's all right.

Mm, sure doesn't
sound good.

Camille?

Hi.
Hi.

Did you hear about
Dr. Becker?

Honey,
apparently he is very sick.

Oh, the man's been my doctor
since I moved here.

What's wrong?
Well, I don't know,

but I heard
he has stopped eating.

How sad.
What's sad?

Dr. Becker's
not doing well at all.

Oh,
you heard something too?

Can't keep food down.

That happened
to my brother-in-law,

and in three weeks,
well--

Hey,
how much is this?

Uh, 59 cents.

( sneezes loudly )

Thirty-nine cents.

Never mind.

It's such a shame.
Dr. Becker is so young.

Excuse me.
What did you say?

Dr. Becker.

They say it's bad.

What's bad?

( whispers ):
He's very sick.

( mellow blues theme playing )

I can't believe
we're the last to know.

About what?

He always seemed
so healthy.

Who?

Fine. Stick your head
in the sand.

You'll have to deal with this
sooner or later.

Get over here.

What in the world
are you talking about?

On my way back
from the diner,

I heard that
Dr. Becker was sick.

( whispers ):
Very sick.

Oh, please.

I've known John Becker
a long time,

and if he was sick,
believe me, I'd know.

( phone rings )

Doctor's office.

Excuse me?

Oh.

"Dr. Axelrod
would like to tell Dr. Becker

"he's gonna be
a few minutes late

for their 1:00 tomorrow?"

Certainly.
I'll be glad to tell him.

If that doesn't
prove he's sick,

I don't know what does.

Oh, please.

He and Dr. Axelrod
are friends.

They could be having lunch.
They could be jogging.

Yeah, right.
Dr. Becker jogging.

Hey, you know--
You know what?

( panting heavily )

You go ahead, I'll--

I'll catch up.

( panting )

Mm.

( blues theme playing )

Linda,
I told you yesterday,

if John were sick,
I'd know about it.

You know,
he has changed his diet.

And now that I think about it,

lately the way he walks,

he looks like he's in pain.

Jake, have you noticed that?

Right. Sorry.

Although he did give me tickets
to a Rangers game next month.

Said he couldn't use them

'cause he didn't know
if he'd be around.

Maybe he has other plans
for that day.

( whispers ):
Or maybe he's sick.

Will you
stop doing that?

We can't go crazy
based on a bunch of nuts

in the street
jabbering about nothing.

You know what, Margaret's right.

Of course I am.

Now let's just
end this talk right now.

And remember, no intelligent
person listens to gossip anyway.

It's all over town.
Becker's a dead man.

( blues theme playing )

( blues theme playing )

I'm telling you,
everyone's saying

the Doc's one flush
from the ocean.

And how do they know?

How do I know
how they know?

It's hot dish.
You don't question it,

you just tell everyone
you can find.

Margaret, maybe you can
call his doctor

and try to find
something out.

He won't tell me.
That's privileged information.

He's still dating Liz,
isn't he?

She's a doctor.
Ask her.

No. I'm gonna
mind my own business,

and I suggest you people
do the same.

( sighs ):
Margaret's right.

Of course I am.

I mean,
we see Becker every day.

Why wouldn't
he say something?

Oh, come on.
"I'm dying. Hug me.

Hold me.
Show me that you care."

That doesn't
sound like John to me.

That doesn't
sound like him to anybody.

That's the worst impression
I've ever heard.

You didn't even
change your voice.

No, you little dope,

I'm trying
to make a point here.

Well, you succeeded.
You made it very clear

that you can't do impressions.

Would you
shut the hell up?

Now that
sounds like Becker.

It was just like this
with my father.

He didn't let me know
he was sick until the very end.

Well, Dr. Becker
wouldn't want our sympathy.

He'd keep it to himself,
and then when the time came,

he'd do exactly
what my grandfather did.

He would put on
his Eskimo parka,

climb onto an ice floe

and float out
towards the setting sun.

Your grandfather
was an Eskimo?

No, he was crazy.

( mellow blues theme playing )

I thought about Dr. Becker
all night.

It's so strange.

One day you're here,

and then the next day
you're not.

Let's make a promise
right now.

Let's promise that we'll
look for each other in heaven.

Linda, I spend half my life
looking for you now,

that is not how I plan
to spend eternity.

Here he comes.

I'm just gonna ask him
what's going on.

No, don't.
Just leave it alone.

Dr. Becker,

when you go for those
1:00 appointments,

exactly what are you doing?

Linda,
how's your sex life?

Well, it was a little slow,
but since Gil got out of jail--

No, no, no,
never mind, never mind.

Look, where I've been
is none of your business.

Margaret, who's up?

Uh, Phil Mann
is in One.

Thank you. Tell him I'll be
there in a second, all right?

( clucking tongue )

( sighs ):
Oh, just stop that.

When are you gonna learn
that gossip is like poison?

It gets in your system,
and then before you know it--

It's like-- Oh, Lord.

What is it?
Nothing.

No, you just,
Oh-Lorded.

That's not nothing.

Well, it's this.
It-- It's from

Morgan and Strauss,
Estate Planners.

Estate?

That's like when you die,
and you leave stuff to people.

( whispers ):
Because you're dead.

Don't start.

We have no idea
what this is.

Open it.

I can't do that.

I can. It's easy.

A little nail polish remover,
it pops right open.

Reseals
without a trace.

This is wrong.

It could
prove you right.

Pop that baby open.

Phil,
how're you doing?

Pretty good,
thanks, heh.

More importantly,
how are you?

Well, to tell you the truth,
I can hardly move.

But, hey,
that's not your problem.

Uh, so what
brings you in today?

Oh, it--
It's nothing really.

I-- I shouldn't even
bother you with it.

Well, it's a little late
for that, Phil.

What's going on?

Well, I'm embarrassed
to even mention it.

Oh, oh, oh, yeah,
yeah, it came back?

You want some more
ointment for that?

Oh, no, no, not that.

That cleared right up.

I'll just go.

You've got more important things
on your mind.

You know, in the future,
if you don't want to see me,

and you don't need to see me,
save us both some time

and don't see me, you idiot.

He's in very good spirits.

Considering.

Got it.

"Dear Dr. Becker,

"Enclosed
please find a copy

of your revised
last will and testament."

( whispers ):
He changed his will.

( sighs )

Okay, I'll admit
this doesn't sound good,

but the only way
to know for sure

is to talk to John
about it.

This goes against
everything I believe in

to intrude on something
so private.

Big talk from someone
who just opened a guy's mail.

Look, Roger, I--

I can't take
this jogging anymore.

I'm sore as hell.

And I've had it with fruit
and watching my temper.

You know, to hell with it.

I'll-- I'll bring down
my cholesterol

the way God intended,
with drugs.

No, I know you're my doctor,
but this is my life.

It's my problem,

and I have the right to deal
with it the way I want.

You know, I don't--
I don't feel like living

if I have to live
like this.

What?

( sobbing )

( sobbing ):
Oh, God.

( blues theme playing )

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Mm, mm, mm.

( knocking on door )

Go away.

( knocking on door )

Oh, for God's sake.

Oh, oh, mm.

Hi.
Hi.

Remind me, did we
talk about you coming over?

No, I just thought
I'd drop by.

Mm.

Can I come in?

Sure. Yeah, I mean,
why not? You're here.

So how are you feeling?

Fine.

Good.
Mm.

Look, this is a little
awkward for me,

but, um...

When my father died,

there were things
I didn't say,

and I don't want
that to happen again.

I don't think
there's much chance of that.

He's dead.

Uh, no, no, no,
I, uh--

I just want to make sure
everything gets said.

Are you okay
with where this is going?

I have no idea
where this is going.

Well, what I'm trying
to say is that, um,

people don't talk.

We don't talk.

Does that mean
all those times that I--

I go into the diner and--

And we say things
to each other,

that-- That doesn't count?

I mean, I-- I--
I want to talk.

Really talk.

Oh.

Okay.

Good.

Do I have to talk too?

God, Becker,
you are such a jerk.

What--
Just listen.

When I think about you
not coming into the diner--

( beeping )

What is that?

Oh,
that's my alarm watch.

I have it set to remind me
to take my pills.

It's stupid, really.

It is not stupid.

I mean, if you can
take something to ease your pain

or prolong your life,

well then
you should take it.

Oh, no, no, my-- It's just
for my cholesterol.

Cholesterol?
Yeah.

Where the hell is--
Oh, here we go.

Cholesterol?

Yeah,
mine's a little high,

so I prescribed myself
some medication.

Yeah, my-- My doctor had
me jogging three times a week.

( chuckles )

Had me
changing my diet.

Well,
that explains the fruit.

Yeah, that got old real quick.

The way I figure it,
a few less cigarettes,

a few more salads,

and this little baby
right here,

I'll be back to good shape
in no time.

Oh!

Who said you can't
have it all? Mm.

So I'm sorry,
where were we?

I gotta go.
I thought you wanted to talk.

I did. I've said
all I came to say.

Been fun.
Take care.

Too many people
know where I live.

( blues theme playing )

( blues theme playing )

I feel so stupid.

I was this close to making
a total ass out of myself.

God, I love it
when you say "ass."

Shut up, Bob.

I told you people no good
can come from spreading gossip.

I just don't know how
these things get started

in the first place.

Yeah, well,
we all fell for it.

But it was Reggie here

who made the biggest fool
of herself.

Well, not so much
of a fool but--

What was
that word again?

Ass?

Let her say it.

Hey, Reg,
let me have a--

Well,
look at this.

It's everybody
I know.

How sad is my life?

Ah, Becker, you're such an ass.

Okay, Bob,
I see what you mean now.

( snickers )

Come on, Reg, let me have
a cup of coffee, will you?

I liked it better
when he was dying.

Ow.

Damn you, John Becker.

The next time
nothing is wrong,

the least you can do
is let people know.

She's right.
Of course I am.

Too many people
know where I eat.

( blues theme playing )

( upbeat blues theme playing )