Beavis and Butt-Head (1993–2011): Season 2, Episode 3 - Home Improvement - full transcript

Beavis and Butt-Head are hired by Tom Anderson to paint his house.

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BURGER
WORLD

Bones, I got an
injured crew man here.

you've got to do something.
You've got to do something!

Captain, there's a limit
to what one man can do.

Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a doc...

Oh, yeah. I'll get right on it.

- Hey, Beavis.
- What?

- Beavis?
- What?

Those guys better look out
for the Klingons near Uranus.

Look, chicken sandwich.

Cool.



Dead mouse.

Cool! Eat it, dude.

You eat it.

Let's go inside. I got an idea.

Come on Butt-Head, change it! Quick!

No way. Check out this wuss.

- "It's the right kind of love"
- That was cool.

"Vanilla Ice" sucks.

Is this one of those
Levi's 501 commercials?

Yeah, change it.

Change it, Butt-Head!
Come on, Butt-Head, this sucks!

Change it! This sucks!

- Hey, Butt-Head, she wants it.
- Yeah.

And I'm gonna give it to her.



Billy Gibbons have a long beard.

You think he
have a long Johnson?

Did he have a Don Johnson?

Yeah,
Don Johnson is married to that chick.

Check it out, Butt-Head,
Al Bundy.

Is it that dude that killed
all those people?

No, peckerwood, that's the dude from
"All my children".

Wow. The dude from
"All my children" killed people?

- No, that was the dude from "Rock".
- Oh, yeah.

He is cool.

Better change it, dude.
This video is telling a story.

Yeah, story sucks.

Hello?

You know, back in Bataan
we could've fed 600 man,

in the time, is taking you, haminager
assist, to take my order.

Where do have you, boys,
digging the treens.

Hello?

Look, now, I'll talk slow,
so as you could understand me:

Large fries, pie,
large coffee.

Pronto.
Got me good, body?

You all got that in there?

Large fries, pie,
large coffee?

You all got that in there?

large fries, pie,
large coffee!?

Pull it to the...
Hello?

Pull it to the window!

Cook! Cook! Cook!

Cook! Cook! Cook!

Hey, Beavis, I need, like, fries
and, like, a pie or something.

Cool.

- Cook! Cook! Cook!
- What? what?

Check it out - mouse burger
and French flies!

Extra crispy!

You get a bad service,
you gotta complain!

Squeaky wheels gets the grease.

That does it! I'm going
in and when I'm finished.

they will be sorry this
old sailor was ever born!

You wussy!

Seymour Butts?
Anyone here Seymour Butts?

That was cool.

Excuse me, but you all call
this a restaurant?

I drive up to the window order my
large fries, pie and large coffee,

just I do like every Thursday afternoon,
before I go the foot doctor!

And I'm waiting up there 20 minutes!

Hey, you like kinda familiar.

You ain't the kids that spray painted
my dog last week, aren't you?

That was other kids.

Well, anyway, large fries,
pie, large coffee! Now!

You got me, Bubba?

I didn't order "Uuhhh".

I ordered a large fries,
pie, large coffee!

Now, get them out of the fryer
and cough 'em up!

It's ready.

Here, it's a... it's free, I guess.

Say, tell me something...

That boy ain't right head,
is he?

Nope.

Now, don't get me wrong
or nothing I think it's great,

that you all hire a reject.

Help keeps them off the street
and away from my place.

Know what I mean?

There you go, dude.

Oh, well, okay than, body.
I'll see you next week, then.

By the way, you are really gotta
trim the shrubs out here,

and maybe round an edge up
here by the curb.

I could just do it for you boys if you
don't have the proper equipment.

Okay, then. I'll see you all later.

He is gonna eat a fried mouse.

And bugs.

And he's coming back later.

I know where there's a dead racoon.

- Yes!
- Cool!

- Nipple rings are cool.
- Yeah, I'm gonna get one.

- These guys kick-ass.
- Yeah, they could kick our ass.

- He said... he... he said.
- Yeah

What did he say?
It was cool.

Yeah.

Tattoos are cool.

Yeah, I'm gonna get one.
One that is cool.

You can have "I'm a wuss"
tattooed across your butt.

Shut up, asswipe!

- March.
- Yeah, mah, mah,

- He said ass.
- Oh, yeah. Cool!

He thinks these guys are
touching each others butts.

Yeah.

Did you know when you eat rump roast,
you are eating a cow's butt.

That's cool.

Attention home owners!

Pay attention, Beavis.

Chode smoker.

Bootsie.

Bootsie kicks-ass.

This is cool.

- That tattoo is cool.
- That's not a tattoo, dumbass.

That's it's one of those outfits,

that real tight, so you can
see her butt and her boobs.

Wow,
check it out, she's glowing.

Like those dudes in that
"Close Encounters" movie.

Yeah,
Chode encounters of the turd kind.

That movie was stupid.

Bootsie!
He is from outer space.

This is giving me a headache.